Alls fair in love and war
by Cheynee
Summary: The journey of love and hate between Lily and James through school up until Harry is born. Marauders pranks, school romance and cute times. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

JAMES

"James Potter!"

"Music to my ears," I grinned before raising my arms just in time to block the blow.

"You…You…YOU!"

"Me, my love?"

"Yes you! You are a complete idiot!"

I gave Lily and indulgent smile, one you might give to someone younger than you that is acting rather silly, but you love them anyway.

"Evans, I'm gonna be honest with you here. I have no idea what you're going on about."

"Really?" Lily asked, steam practically coming out of her ears she was that angry.

"Really. However, I'm willing to give you an hour of my time to listen to any complaints you might have and reach a solution, my door is nice and quiet."

SMACK

"Tough break there Prongs," drawled Sirius.

"Shut up Padfoot can't you see I'm busy?"

"Getting your arse kicked?" Remus commented, not looking up from his book.

"On the contrary, this is probably the nicest conversation me and Evan's have ever had," I replied, ruffling my hair.

"Hello? I'm standing right here!" Lily snapped.

I blew Lily a kiss as her eye almost began twitching. "Like I could ever miss your beauty Evans. Now come on, what have I done this time that you're secretly pleased about, but I'm going to get smacked for anyway?"

"This!"

In her delicate little hand she held up her sexy, pink lacey underwear and thrust them in my face.

"Whoa! Evans!" Roared Sirius. "Prongs could have taken care of them for you, you only had to do was ask."

"Shut up Sirius! Can you explain this to me?" Lily asked me, poking me in the chest.

"You have great taste in knickers?"

"Stop playing dumb!" Lily screamed as she held up her underwear which had the words quite clearly written in black, messy writing "Property of James Potter, HANDS OFF!"

The whole room burst into laughter, only making Lily angrier, her group of witchette's looking close to murder themselves.

Jesus, better watch myself, she might actually get close to killing me this time…maybe.

"Evans," I begun, hands up in a peace offering. "I know your sense of humour is different than mine. But try to see it from my point of view, I'm just trying to claim what's mine."

Like magic anger wiped clean from Lily's face and curiosity replaced it. "What's yours?" she asked softly, swaying her hips as she walked closer.

"Um…yes?"

Three more sexy steps, and my heart rate was going so fast I was waiting for the moment I spontaneously combusted.

Her hands, softer and gentler than I could ever have imagined or had ever felt before gently cupped each side of my face, her full red lips inched closer and closer to my face.

This was it, this was the moment I'd been waiting six years for. Evans was going to finally kiss me, Evans was going to put those amazing lips against mine in front of everyone, this was AWESOME.

Her lips went to my ear and my breath caught in my chest.

"James…"

"Evans…"

"I want you to know something important ok? Can you focus enough and pay attention to what I'm saying?"

"Anything for you."

"Good, listen up now. I don't care if it meant I was going to die tomorrow, I don't care what anyone else in this school thinks about me and my choices…"

Her nails started to dig into my cheeks and surprisingly it was a turn on.

"But I will NEVER, EVER, be yours. Got that?"

Suddenly I found I couldn't move. Not anything. I was stuck in the full body bind curse and she was grinning at me wickedly.

"Don't forget Potter," she bit my ear hard, before turning on her heel and stalking away. Only releasing me from the curse once she was safely out of the portrait hole.

Lying slumped on the ground, panting I just stared hopelessly after her.

"You right Prongs?" Sirius asked, shaking with laughter he offered his hand.

I ignored his hand, and rubbed my cheeks to find, timid, gentle, good girl Evans had drawn blood.

"I'm gonna marry that girl," I told the whole room. "Mark my words, one day I'm gonna marry her."

LILY

"Arrogant, irritating, conceited, stuck up, annoying, full of himself, show off, stupid, idiotic, TOE RAG!" I vented to my friends.

Alice nodded patiently with every insult while Carla rolled her eyes miming my every word.

"We know," Alice sighed calmly.

"Yep, you hate him, you think he's the biggest idiot in the world and kinda sexy too," Carla added

"Exactly! Wait…what?"

"You think James Potter is hot."

"I do not!"

I was rewarded with identical eye brows raised expressions of disbelief.

"Guys! I am not attracted to James Potter," I snarled his name out.

"Lily, you're in denial. Love and hate is a very fine line and it's pretty clear that you both would have crazy angry sex that would shake the whole castle if you had the chance." Carla told me in a soft, patronising tone.

"You're being ridiculous," I sniffed.

"Ok, fine. Tell us you think Potter is ugly and we won't ever bring it up again. But you have to vow it in blood so we know you're not lying."

My temper started boiling as I knew I'd been caught out, it wasn't like I wanted Potter or anything, it's just I'm a realist and I can't deny that the boy was good looking, he didn't have the raw sex appeal Sirius had going for him, or the unusual beauty of all angles and lithe grace of Remus but he definitely had something. The lightly tanned skin, well toned body, dark hair, bright hazel eyes and cheeky smile were definitely working for him…if you were into that sort of thing, which of course, I wasn't.

"Fine. Potter is good looking, but I think he thinks he's better looking than I think he is." I admitted.

Carla and Alice exchanged two knowing looks and I found my eye on the verge of twitching again, luckily Frank, Alice's steady boyfriend of two years came bounding up to us.

"Hey love," he grinned pecking a blushing Alice on the lips before turning to nod and smile at Carla and me.

"Another fight with James huh?"

"Word travels fast here," I muttered, avoiding his gaze.

"No Lily, but your voice sure does. I could hear you from my common room, what did he do this time?"

Carla and Alice immediately started giggling. "Tried to claim his territorially on Lily's underwear."

To Frank's credit, he tried really hard not to laugh. "I hate to tell you this Lily, but I think he really does love you. He's just going about it the wrong way."

"James Potter wants only what he can't have," I snapped.

Frank shrugged me off easily with a bright grin. "I don't think so. You should hear the way he talks about you to the guys and if he hears a guy wants to ask you out, or says anything bad about you he makes sure they never open their mouth again. That kind of dedication is hard to find."

"Then why is he so annoying!"

"He's sixteen and male, not everyone's as charming and grounded as I am," Frank joked pulling Alice closer.

I sighed. "If you say so Frank."

"You'll see Lily, I reckon you will be a good couple one day, in fact at your wedding I call dibs on making a speech ok? Coming love?"

Leaving me standing their breathless Alice let Frank lead her away, his arm protectively around her shoulders to help her remain steady as she was a bit clumsy.

"Unbelievable," I muttered.

Carla put her arm around my waist and led me towards to great hall for some dinner.

"You need some dinner and then you'll feel better I promise, you can go right back to being in denial straight after I promise."

I roll my eyes but put my arm around Carla in return and we skip off to dinner together, leaving behind tension, arguments and the confusion that is James Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

JAMES

Lily. Evans. Lily. Evans. Lily. Lily. Evans. God she was driving me insane. Those two words echoed in my head repeatedly as I tapped my wand against my desk. Lily Evans had to be mine. Some how I was going to prove to her that we were meant to be together. She was consuming my every thought and I'm starting to think that it's been affecting my work ethic, Marauders work ethic that is.

Lily. Evans.

"Mr Potter, is there perhaps something you needed to tell Miss Evans, or was her name simply enough to distract you from turning your tea cup into a turtle?" Professor McGonagall asked tersely.

Busted.

The whole class turned to watch my humiliation, every single face now smirking at me, except one.

"No ma'am, I was merely using Evans as inspiration to do my best in class. So sorry to disrupt the class, I promise I'll be inspired quietly from now on."

"Potter if you exerted as much effort in class as you did trying to charm your teachers you could be head of the school. You may want to consider that. Everyone, back to you work. Potter has wasted enough of our time, clean sweeping wand motions please."

Beautiful, green, _pissed off_ eyes remained burning into my back. Man I'm so glad they hadn't invented a looks to kill spell yet for us or I'd never get a chance. I chanced a look behind me and paled at the raw hatred staring back.

I'm sorry I mouthed.

Evans mouthed back two words I wasn't even sure she knew up until that point.

I turned back to the front and took a deep breath.

I needed a good plan. Fast.

Class dragged on for what seemed like hours before finally McGonagall told us we could put our wands away and to pay attention.

"Alright, quiet down everybody. SILENCE. Thank you. Now as your Head of House I'm required to give you daily news of coming events and other miscellaneous things. This year, the sixth years of each house will be going on an excursion into the forbidden forest to learn basic survival skills when camping. You will pair with another house and stay with them and their head of house as well as yours. Griffindor and Hufflepuff will be together this year…"

Alice Newton pumped her fist in the air silently, looks like someone was going to get lucky.

"Boys and girls will _not_ be sharing tents, however, they will be paired up in the activities to provide some more diversity. You leave Monday morning for four nights, consent forms have already been sent and signed by your parents or guardians. I suggest those of you that need help deciding what to pack for such an occasion, take the parchment provided on my desk of items to bring and start packing before the weekend is up."

If possible, a small smile played on her lips as she inclined her head to the already giggling girls.

"Camp mate, this is gonna be our best work ever!" Sirius whispered to me. "And we get to pair up with girls!"

"Pair up with girls?" I whispered back.

"Yup, smorgas board of selection of scared girls seeking comfort," he replied, eyes glinting madly.

I glanced back at Lily who was looking happier and more alive than I had ever seen before and grinned.

Perfect.

LILY

"Oh I hope they pair me up with Frank, wouldn't that be amazing?"

"Alice, I don't think they're completely daft. They know you'll just run off to snog every chance you get," Carla giggled.

"And what's wrong with that? She's showing team spirit, and diversity like they wanted. Getting to know someone in the other house and showing him around, very generous our Alice is," I commented with a grin.

Alice had no words, but instead just jumped up and down giggling.

"What are we meant to pack?" Carla asked resting her head against my shoulder as we sat in the common room.

"Let's see what we're advised to take… warm parker, three sets of pants, one set of shorts, joggers, four shirts at least one of them warm, socks, toiletries, sleeping bag, tents will be provided, wand, back pack, quills, parchment…SCHOOL ROBES NOT NECESSARY!"

All three of us squealed with delight before the last sentence really hit us and we slowly went quiet.

"That actually means I have to plan the perfect cute outfit, fit for the forbidden forest that makes Frank notice me without looking and feeling ridiculous," Alice said, forehead creasing.

"I know! Our chance to lure the hot boys away and we are so unprepared," Carla added miserably.

"Hey, we're all gorgeous, young girls, and we have great sense of style, we don't need to stress out about this ok? Let's just pack the clothes we feel comfortable in and look good in and we'll be fine. We're there to learn too right?" I asked.

They stared at me like I was an alien.

"You're right," I sighed. "We're screwed."

"Evans!"

"Kill me now," I muttered as Potter strutted over with his stupid pack.

"Excited for camp?" he asked, sitting down next to me.

"A chance to dump your body in the woods? Yeah I'm jumping at the chance," I replied.

To my surprise there was no witty response just a small smile as he continued. "I think this will be a good chance for everyone to all get to know each other better, you know, find out who we really are."

"Exactly," Sirius interjected staring at Carla like she was ice cream and he was the spoon. "There are sides to us no one has ever seen before, or knows about."

"And what exactly am I going to find out about you Potter that I didn't know before? You're worse than I thought you were? You're secretly a stripper? You have six illegitimate children you need help feeding?"

Potter actually looked stung for a second then shrugged it off and his new humble smile was back in place. "Maybe you'll find out that I'm not the bad guy here. Maybe you'll find out that underneath it all, I'm human like you too and I make mistakes and I have feelings and I'm capable of making people happy Evans, all I need is a chance."

He didn't try to touch me, he didn't make any remarks to warrant a slap, he just nodded at us, got up and left me there staring after him and wondering possibly for the first time ever.

Had I been wrong about James Potter?


	3. Chapter 3

JAMES

"Oi Prongs, have you finished arguing with your mirror as to who is the prettiest, you, yourself or James? We gotta meet McGonagall outside like five minutes ago," Sirius called from the doorway.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm just bringing my bag now," I replied, taking one last look in the mirror before heading to join Sirius and the rest of the boys waiting in the common room for me.

"Fellas, we need to take a moment," Sirius stated, holding his hand up to stop us from leaving.

"Sirius you're not going to give us one of your Mate's over Date's speeches right?" Remus asked exasperatedly.

"I don't mind Sirius, I like your speeches," chirped Peter, jumping on the balls of his feet.

Sirius rolled his eyes but continued anyway. "This lads, is our chance. Our four days of opportunity, to seal the deal…"

"Seal the deal?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Have you been watching muggle television again Sirius, you do know it's not real right? That it's like a story being acted out for people to watch at home? Girls don't act like that, guys don't act like that and the girls at this school? Definitely do _not_ let any guys, let alone guys like us, 'seal the deal'."

"Yee have little faith my friend. Camping brings out the wild side in girls, trust me. Anyway, these four days are going to be the best four days of our lives so far, I promise. We're gonna find a way to get some Slytherine's eaten or attacked, rescue some hot girls from the big bad scary forests, prove to the teachers we're genius's and return heroes. Marauder's we are going to own the forest and everything in it, let's go conquer!"

I stared at Sirius, who at this point had one fist thrust in the air and the other held over his heart and began to laugh.

"Mate, when was the last time you 'sealed the deal'? I asked as we began to walk out.

"I seal the deal all the time Prongs, you're just too whipped on Evans to realise that there does exist a world outside of the firey red head that hates you," he told me with a light punch on the shoulder.

I chuckled. "Defensive Padfoot, a little _too_ defensive one might say. But your secret is safe with me."

I ducked his punch just in time as we raced each other out the front to skid right into Severus Snape.

"Watch it!" he snapped.

I pulled my wand out ready to curse his slimey ass back to the hole he wormed out of when I saw Evans and immediately lowered my wand.

"James?" Remus asked uncertainly, clearly scared of my new sense of maturity.

"Sealing the deal Moony," I whispered as I walked past Snape, 'accidentally' tripping him over.

I could see Lily staring at me in disbelief as I beckoned my friends away from Snivellous and towards McGonagall.

"Potter, Black! You're late, we're not here to cater to your every need, you do realise?"

"Of course we realise Professor," Sirius answered, bowing gracefully. "However, you'll realise we weren't the only ones late, so shouldn't equality be awarded to all?"

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips but didn't reply to Sirius as she turned to face everyone waiting.

"Now that everyone is here and we're no longer kept waiting, we can begin our journey into the Forest. Slytherins and Ravenclaw please line up by your Heads of Houses, Griffindor and Hufflepuff remain here please for further instructions."

As everyone hustled to get to their houses and wait for the boring rules to be over so we could start the fun, I took a good look at Lily, who to my dismay was in an intense conversation with one of Frank Longbottom's friends. She looked even more amazing than usual in a black jacket zipped all the way up, red scarf, blue muggle jeans tucked into her black boots. Absolutely stunning.

Damn her.

"Prongs, stop perving on Evans and pay attention," Sirius hissed. "McGonagall won't be distracted by my good looks for much longer."

Ignoring Sirius, I turned my focus back to McGonagall who was now clicking her tongue for silence. It didn't take long. Everyone knew you didn't cross her.

"Now, for some of you…" and here she looked directly at Sirius and myself. "This trip may be just an excuse to get up to some mischief, but let me assure you. That. Is. Not. The. Case. You will work hard for three days, your last day is free time. Bad behaviour, foolishness, brawling, improper use of magic and inappropriate actions will not be tolerated and costs you fifty house points and two weeks of detentions. Be warned, you will be watched at all times."

Sirius wiggled his eye brows to her last sentence and I had to work hard to turn my laugh into a cough. I'm not sure who looked more unimpressed, McGonagall or Lily.  
"Now, as discussed you will be split into groups. The groups will consist of three pairs, each pair a boy and girl who will be one another's lifeline so to speak for the remainder of our stay. The pairs and groups will go as follows;

Sirius Black and Carla Winterbourne, Peter Petigrew and Rachel Griffin and Eden Whird with Zach Liverstone."

Sirius grinned at me wickedly. Before winking at a disgusted Carla, whilst Peter looked like he might start crying at the prospect of having to talk to a girl for nearly a whole school week.

"Frank Longbottom and Alice Newton…" Ha! How naïve of the teachers. "Remus Lupin and Violet Jetsin and James Potter and Lily Evans."

"YES!"

"Glad to see you find the arrangements satisfactory Mr Potter, may I continue?"

Whoops, did I say that aloud?

"Yes Professor, sorry Miss."

I tuned out the rest of the pairings as I looked over at Lily and smiled. I was rewarded with some sort of facial spasm that looked between a smile and a snarl. Well, I guess that's some sort of progress.

"You're not going to get me suspended right?" Remus whispered when we began to sift through the crowd to find out partners and then meet up with our group.

"Moony, you know me!"

"Again I ask the question."

I grinned wickedly and slung my arm around his shoulder's. "Relax, Padfoot isn't in our group right?"

"Right…"

"So I think I can manage to avoid getting everyone suspended."

"You think? I'd feel a lot better if you changed that to a guarantee," he replied weakly.

"Sirius is right mate, you do have little faith."

Remus gave me a small smile. "I have faith in your abilities James, which is why i'm worried."

"Who's worried?" Violet Jetsin ask, her blonde hair starting to tangle in the wind.

Remus immediately looked down and blushed. We really needed to get him out more, he seriously lacked any skill with girls.

"Hey partner, oh you're wearing gloves with wolves on them, that is SO cute," Violet gushed taking one of Remus's hands to examine his gloves and not letting it go once she'd had a proper look.

"Your hands are cold, I can feel them through my gloves, did you want to wear them for a bit?" Remus asked quietly.

"Aww Remus, you're so sweet. Thank you," Violet told him, giving him a warm hug.

Huh. Maybe I won't give up on him just yet. Looked like he had the shy guy thing working for him.

"Potter."

I swirled around to face Lily staring at me intently.

"Hey Evans, nice day for a walk huh?"

"Did you do this?" she asked.

"The weather? Sadly I haven't conquered that yet."

"No, the partnering. Did you like jinx it or pay the teachers to pair us together?"

"Evans, I may be good but I'm not THAT good. You'll have to cross those theories off your list," I told her with what I hoped was my most winning smile.

"Hmph, well I guess we're just going to make the most of a terrible situation aren't we?"

Ouch.

"Anyway, I think we can agree on a truce for this week, we can be civil to each other right?" she pressed on.

"Evans, it is never me that has had a problem with being civil. So how about, I'll work hard to be on my best behaviour and you work on not tearing me to shreds constantly ok?"

Lily just stared at me like I'd slapped her, no words forming a reply.

"Evans are you ok?"

"Is that what you think I always do? Tear you to shreds?" she asked quietly.

"Um…Evans, I hate to break this to you, but if you hadn't noticed you may have an evil twin running rampant because I could have sworn three weeks ago a hot girl that looked just like you told me to jump into the lake and never come back out," I told her timidly before raising my hands to block a blow when I saw that she moved her hands.

When no such blow came I peeked between my hands to see her hand over her mouth.

"You think I'm a bitch don't you? An uptight, slaggy ice queen."

"What? No! I would never call you that ever! Why would you even say that?"

Jesus this was not going well, where was Sirius to make me look good?

"Jeffrey, Frank's friend told me that when I turned him down," she told me, looking close to tears.

"HE WHAT!"

"Oh, Potter it's ok really, don't worry…"

"No, where is he… I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, NO ONE talks to you like that. I'm going to make him swallow his wand and then hiccup a curse at himself for the rest of the trip…"

Stalking through the crowd I searched for the weasel's face, my fists already clenched, when I felt a small hand grab mine and I froze.

"Potter, please, is ego was just hurt, it's ok really. Please don't make anymore trouble for me, I'll never forgive you I swear, just let it go!"

I froze and just stared at her hand in mine, shocked, excited, confused and ecstatic all at once.

"Please?" she asked, her eyes pleading.

"Alright Evans, but just this once ok?"

"Thanks Potter, for you know, wanting to stand up for me and stuff…but you know…this doesn't mean we're friends though," she added hastily pulling her hand back.

I grinned at her as we both hurried back to our group to start walking to our camping grounds and set up.

"Oh I know Evans, don't worry, I won't tell anyone you had a moment of weakness and didn't deck me. You rep is still safe."

"You're an idiot," she told me, but I got a small smile as she went to huddle closer to a curious Alice.

Plan in progress, step one get Lily's interest.

Check.

LILY

"You thanked Potter? Because he was going to duel Jeffrey for you?"

"Jeffrey actually _said_ that? Wait until Frank hears!"

Carla and Alice babbled at the same time as we all had break from setting up our tents and protective charms around our camp site.

"Yes, keep your voices down!"

"Wow," Alice sighed, sliding down onto a nearby tree trunk. "That is so romantic, going to defend your honour. James Potter loves you!"

"He does not love me Alice, get a grip," I griped. "He is trying to get in my pants, it's all a part of his evil plan I bet you ten galleons!"

"Wow," Carla breathed.

"What? You don't think I'll do it?"

"No, I know you mean the bet, I just wasn't aware you were so keen to lose your money."

"Urgh, you're both impossible! Can we change the subject please, like to maybe, Alice going to try to sneak out tonight to have some inappropriate time with Frank?"

Carla's eyes lit up with this piece of fabricated gossip and I knew I was off the hook for now, thank god. The last thing I needed were my two best friends analysing mine and Potter's every move to try and find the precise time we were going to fall in love, which we wouldn't so they'd be wasting their time. God, why did he have to start being so…weird lately. All this male bravado, mature conversation crap was beginning to wear on my nerves, how are you meant to hate someone successfully when they don't give you any reason to?

"Hellooo Lily, are you there?" Alice asked, waving her hands in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"She's probably day dreaming about Potter," Carla sniggered.

"Shut up and go back to you partner Sirius Carla," I retorted wiping the smile of Carla's face.

"Harsh Lil."

"Honest love, he is your partner you know," I replied.

"Not by choice! Why did I have to get the arrogant playboy, not even Potter is as aggravating as Sirius Black. Honestly, we're walking over here right? And he actually tried to hold my hand, said it was for safety reasons, so we didn't get lost!"

Alice and I started laughing, and although I didn't admit it, I was kinda impressed with Sirius's ploys, that kind of wit does take some skill.

"Four whole days with him! Lily, do you think we could trade?"

I looked over to where James was showing Frank a charm to keep the fire contained and burning steadily and smiled a bit at his never ending patience and kindness towards Frank who was struggling to keep his fire protected. I then looked over at Sirius who was telling a scary story to a group of giggling admirer's, making sure he found ways to flex his muscles as he exaggerated.

"I think I'll pass Carla, you could teach Sirius a thing or two," I remarked.

Carla smirked. "And you want James to yourself?"

Luckily for Carla, Professor McGonagall interrupted my response with her crisp voice.

"Everyone settle, now that you have set up camp, you are going to split into your groups and we're going to do some tracking practice, in case the time may come you get yourself lost and all you have is your senses, no wand, nothing else."

"But Professor," Frank began. "That won't ever happen right? We're not ever going to lose our wand or get lost or anything right? So this isn't very likely?"

"Longbottom, there are perhaps some dark times ahead of us, we need you to be completely prepared for any occasion and muggles although without the advantage of magic have become quite resourceful in survival on basic needs. Professor Dumbledore would like you all to be prepared in ever aspect. Is that suitable enough for you Longbottom?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Your group will be given a map, you must navigate yourself to where the wand is marked on the map, there you will find your wand, some supplies and a Professor to guide your way back to camp. If you should run into any trouble, there are Professors around the perimeter checking on your progress to help. On the back of your map are list of berries, nuts etc that are safe to eat, do not pick anything that is not on that list understood? And do not wander outside of the set perimeter."

Murmurs of agreement were uttered all around then there was the rising sound of everyone moving and then the chatter as everyone found their groups. I didn't move because I knew I didn't have to.

James Potter always watched me, always made sure he knew where I was, so I knew he was going to come find me and sure enough there he was.

"Boo."

"Oh, you scared me," I told him dryly.

"I've been known to scare people on occasion," he replied good naturedly. "I won't hold it against you. So, have you been camping before?"

"Yeah, my family used to go every summer up until I was accepted into Hogwarts, yourself?"

"The Marauder's practically invented the term camping Evans, so don't be nervous, you're in good hands."

"In that case, we're all doomed," I told him as the rest of our group found us.

"Oi Frank, I forgot to say before, you know your friend Jeffrey?"

Oh no, Potter couldn't possibly humiliate me like this, he wouldn't dare…

"We're not really that close but yeah?"

"Tell him the next time I see him on the Quidditch field I'll be making sure a few bludges are sent his way."

"Oh ok, why?" Frank asked, eyeing my curiously.

"I don't like the shape of his nose," Potter replied casually as my jaw dropped. "I figure I'm doing him a favour by fixing it."

Frank chuckled and clapped James on the back as Alice pulled me away from their hearing.

"He loves you."

"Shh Alice."

"Just saying…"

"Ok, so the map says we're here where the diagram of the Sphinx is, and we need to get to the wand over there, so judging by the map, we have about twenty centimetres to go," James quipped as we grabbed our packs and began walking.

"Nice Prongs, very helpful. Pass me the map," Remus demanded softly.

After quiet consideration Remus nodded to himself then pointed in the opposite way that everyone else was heading.

"That way is quickest."

No one argued. No one ever did with Remus. He demanded a quiet respect for his intellect and gentle presence.

Awkwardly we walked in our pairs silently, the track so close James and my hands were touching every so often, to which I'd blush and he'd mutter some sort of an apology under his breath.

"Ooo, is that a unicorn?" Violet gushed loudly pointing below our track where a silvery glow could be seen.

"I can't see through the trees, did you want to go on my shoulder's to have a closer look?" Remus asked Violet who nodded vigorously.

"Ohh, guys it is a unicorn, how pretty! Alice, Lily, you have got to see this, it's a mummy and baby grazing."

Alice quickly followed suit on top of Frank's shoulder gasping in awe as she too saw the beauty of the mystical creatures.

"Not a chance Potter," I told him firmly before he could even offer.

"You'll miss the pretty unicorn," he told me with his usual arrogant smirk.

"I can see it," I told him stubbornly as I got on my tip toes and moved closer to the edge.

"Evans, it's ok. We're a team, so I'm not trying to hit on you, I'm trying to help you. Let me help you."

His eyes were pleading with me, but my pride and six years of resentment prevented me from accepting as I shifted a tiny bit closer and started to see the outlines of the young foal.

"Oh, I can almost see it!" I whispered in amazement. "Just a tiny bit closer…"

"Evans, if you get much closer you're going to slip down the hill and I'm going to have to rescue you, and that going to wound your feministic side."

I whirled around to smack him and tell him to shut up and let me be when suddenly his face started to shift out of my vision. And then I was falling. Fast.


	4. Chapter 4

JAMES

I saw in slow motion as Lily began to slip backwards, her eyes wide and scared, her face frozen in fear and surprise. I ran forward to try and grab her but my arms clutch thin air as she slips out of my grasp and begins to roll down the forest.

"Evans!" I yelled as everyone else screamed or gasped in surprise.

"Oh my god, she's going to die!" Violet screamed causing Alice to slap her, hard.

"Shut up Violet, you hear me? Lily is not going to die you twit, shut up!"

Tears fell silently down Violets face as she hung her head in shame. Not even Remus tried to confort her.

Ignoring their petty battles I sat at the edge of the hill top, took a deep breath and then pushed myself, propelling myself forward. Fear gripped me for only a second before my muscles began to relax and I found myself smirking. With the incredible speed, wind whipping through my hair and blurring of surroundings it was like Quidditch on the ground.

It wasn't until my back got cut on a rock and a branch smacked me in the face that I stopped smiling.

This was why I was better in the sky. Stupid forest dangers.

It wasn't long before I found myself rolling to a stop, right next to Lily who was cradled into the foetal position, lying too still for my liking.

Ignoring the pain shooting up my spine and my raw face, I ran to Lily and turned her to face me.

"Evans, are you ok?"

There was no response and I gasped as her face was bruised and bloody and her shirt had been ripped exposing a pretty blue bra.

"Come on Evans, you need to wake up so you can yell at me for looking at your bra."

I felt for a pulse, it was there but weaker than it should be.

What the hell was wrong with the teachers? Taking our wands away for help? They should have known something like this could happen, especially with Slytherines and Griffindors present.

Stretching Lily out, I used my knees to prop her head up, put my jacket over her chest to let her keep her modesty and then took her hand in mine.

"Evans, seriously I'm begging you to slap me, I would kill right now just to have you slap me. Nothing bad can happen to you Evan's, not on my watch. You mean way too much to me for me to lose you now, I haven't even gotten to kiss you yet."

Her eyelids fluttered and I found myself half smiling. "I knew you wanted to kiss me Evans, it's the only thing you responded to. You didn't need to try and trick me into CPR, if you just asked I'd gladly kiss you. I really like you Lily."

Slowly, so slowly I almost didn't realise it her fingers began to tense and then she was stirring weakly.

"Potter?" she asked weakly.

"Your knight in shining armour, at your service."

"Let go of my hand before I make you."

I let go, massive smile on my face. "That's my girl."

"I'm not your girl," she sighed.

"That's fine, be whatever you want love, just don't be gone, never be gone."

Surprisingly Lily looked, if possible flattered. I pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and heard her breath catch in her throat. Taking this as a good sign, I leant closer until our noses almost touched, she still wasn't pulling away, slapping me or screaming, just a little further and then I'm going to be able to say I've kissed Lily Evans, just a little bit…

"Lily! Oh my god. Are you ok? Can you move? How hurt are you?"

Upon hearing Alice's panicked voice Lily and I both sprang apart and away from each other.

Godamnit, it was always something pushing us apart. Always something getting in the way, it wasn't fair!

"Yeah, I think I can walk," Lily was saying to Remus, who was checking her over.

"I think your arm may be broken," he told her somberly, as he gently took her arm in his hand and she whimpered loudly. "Yep, definitely broken."

"But my legs are fine?" she asked softly.

"Try walking and we'll find out."

Gingerly and with the help of Frank and Alice, Lily got herself standing. Shooting me a triumphant smile she took one step forward and then cried out in pain.

"Shit! This is so unfair. How come _he's_ ok?" she asked practically snarling at me now.

All eyes turned to me at that point and identical gasps were let out again. "James…your face,"

Frank said.

"Is it ruined?" I asked calmly. "No more hot dates for me?"

"You've definitely looked better," Remus added.

"So there's still a chance I can get some dates?"

Lily rolled her eyes as Violet giggled. "What do you say Evans, let me buy you a butterbeer to say thanks?"

"Thanks? For what?" she asked.

"For making this day one of my best, you haven't slapped me once yet."

Giving me a genuine smile she replied. "Days not over yet."

"Well, as cute as the flirting is, we're gonna need to call for help," Frank stated.

"I think we should carry on." Lily said. "I can walk, I promise and if Remus is right, and this is the fast way we can win. It'll be the ultimate show of survival, we've got to get top marks for that."

"Lily, you can't walk," Alice told her soothingly.

"You might slow us up too," Violet added much to Lily's disproval.

"I'll carry her," I volunteered.

"James, that's very sweet but I don't think Lily-"

"Ok, but we're not playing grab arse after," Lily interrupted.

We all stared at her like she was crazy. Had Evans just consented to let me touch her? In public? Without repercussions?

"Evans, how hard did you hit your head?" I asked timidly.

"Hilarious James, now shut up and carry me before I change my mind."

I didn't need to be told twice that was for sure! Carefully I lifted her into my arms, careful not to bump her broken arm or sore leg as much as I could help. I had to give it to her too, she didn't cry once like I was used to girls doing, just grit her teeth and waited for the pain to surpass. As awful as it made me, I loved having her this close, she smelt like earth and strawberries, she was light and she was perfectly made to fit my arms. Perfect.

"You alright?" I asked, bracing myself for her sharp tongue.

"Yes, thanks for being so gentle."

"Um…you're welcome?"

Her laughter like pretty chimes made me smile along with her. "I'm the biggest bitch huh? You don't even know how to react when I'm not screaming at you."

I looked at her intensely. "I'm praying I can start to get used to it."

"You done?" Remus asks with a small smile. "We've got to get a move on if we're going to make it before anyone else. Hey, before we start is anyone hungry?"

"Well, sure, but I'm not really seeing an all you can eat buffet around," I reply.

Taking off his back pack Remus pulls out some dried fruit, chocolate cookies, rolls, pumpkin pies, chocolate frogs and some wrapped up cold pieces of chicken. I start to smirk as I realise he'd prepared for everything and made sure he'd taken supplies from the kitchen before we even started the camp. Then my smile is wiped clean as I kick myself for not thinking of it first.

"Well, well, well, good boy Moony stole some food from the kitchens huh?" I grinned.

Remus turned a brilliant shade of pink and shrugged. "I didn't steal, I asked politely and the house elves helped out."

"That was a really smart thing to do Remus," Violet tells him quietly. "You really prepared for this. I feel stupid, I only brought a water bottle, a jacket, a mirror and lip gloss."

Remus pats her shoulder awkwardly then halves out his supplies and hands them around to us. "Don't feel stupid, being a Marauder you need to prepare for anything, as is I didn't pack nearly as much as I would pack if I had been in the group with Sirius."

"Thanks Moony," I tell him with a smile. "I think."

I make sure Lily eats all her share of food before urging her to eat mine.

"James, I can't eat your share, you need the energy, what if we get lost again and you end up dying because of me?"

"I lived to see the day you called me James, so I'd die happy."

Lily blushed and silently ate the food and I thanked God that Sirius wasn't here because if he saw how soft I was becoming he would do something to make me prove I was still a man and that would mean I would have no chance with Lily, and that was something I wouldn't allow to happen. Ever.

LILY

I needed to get out of here and fast because James Potter was ruining everything. All the years I've put into the cold focus on my studies, all the years I worked extra hard to know everything I could about magic just so I could pull my own pranks on him, all the years I worked on keeping my self from being vulnerable, were starting to break down and I couldn't have that. It would mean I was feeling something for Potter, it would mean being vulnerable, and it would mean giving him the chance to break me.

"Are you ok?" he asked, still holding me gently, still not faltering after over an hour of walking.

"Fine."

"Do you need a break? Some water? I got some chicken left if you're still hungry I made Remus save?"

"Potter, please, cut it out."

"Cut what out?" he asked, and damn him he actually looked confused.

"Being nice to me, I get it, you have a heart and it works, congrats. So you can stop trying now, you can go back to being yourself so everything is back to normal."

For the first time since James picked me up I feel my arm starting to throb in agony again and I realise it's because he's stopped holding me how he was before and he's staring at me with those twinkling hazel eyes, hurt. He's actually hurt and it stops me dead.

"Frank?" he calls and within seconds Frank is by our side, followed closely by Alice.

"Do you think you could take over for me? I think Evans could use a different set of arms."

"Oh. Well, sure, I guess," Frank replied uncertainly as we come to a stop and I wince in pain.

"Just so you know," James whispers as he helps me into Franks' arms, "I wasn't trying. That, before, this whole day, wasn't an act."

I stare after him in shock and want to kick myself, right in my stupid hurt leg.

"What was that about?" Alice asks, nodding to James who is now stalking past us to catch up to Remus.

I sigh and shrug, making myself wince again. "Another game I guess."

Alice doesn't push it but her eyes say it all, that I'm a liar, that my act is falling apart, that I'm starting to lose the hate I felt for James Potter.

"We're about half an hour from the end, " Remus comments. "The only problem is, because we're down here, we're going to need to either signal the teachers to come get us from below, or trek up where we came from."

"Moony Lily isn't going to make that," James tells him patiently.

"I know, so maybe half of us go to win and someone waits with Lily so the teachers can get her a stretcher and she won't be in pain?"

"Yeah, but what if the teachers take forever and she's stuck waiting and in pain, her arm is broken Moony, and she's losing blood, we need to get her help soon, she's put on a good brave show but now it's enough."

"Can you stop talking about me like I'm not here?"

James turns to me and I feel my face going pale as he stares at me and there's no warmth in his gaze.

"Sorry Evans. What would you have us do?"

"Frank, are you up to carrying me up the hill?" I ask.

Frank looks at Alice, then back at me and then bites his lip. "Well…I..."

"It's fine Frank, I'll carry Evans up the hill, if you can keep carrying her until we get there," James reasons, not even looking at me now.

"Yeah, thanks James, that would be good," Frank replies, clearly pleased with the compromise.

The next half hour is the worst of my life. No one talks, no one even tries to and the silence is so loud it's practically deafening. Every part of me hurts and I struggle to keep my whimpers to myself, Frank is not as gentle at James, he doesn't keep me close to maintain my warmth, he doesn't know where to hold me so I'm comfortable and he isn't as strong so he's constantly stopping to shift me and sometimes knocks my arm back the other way and I feel like I'm going to pass out from the pain. It's not until now that I realise just how much effort James put into making me comfortable and as pain free as he could. It's not until now that I realise that just maybe James Potter does care about more than getting in my pants after all.

Damn I hate being wrong.

"Can I cut in?" James jokes as we stall to a stop and he comes to relieve Frank.

Frank can't get rid of my fast enough and he transfers me into James' strong arms he immediately kisses Alice and holds her close.

"Ok, I think if we use the rocks and trees as guides we should make it up the hill, Prongs are you sure you can do this? You're going to have to be pretty steady," Remus states.

"I wouldn't hurt her," James replies defensively.

"I mean you,"

"Oh. I'll be fine."

Remus gives me a sharp look and then continues. "I'll go first, Violet behind me, then Alice, Frank, then James with Lily."

"I don't hear anyone up there," Alice commented.

Remus grinned and it was amazing how it transformed him into carefree and beautiful. "That's because we cut an hour out of our time by going the back way where the teachers didn't set up and obstacles."

"Diabolical Moony," James grinned.

Moony bowed and then as quick as it came the smile and carefree air was gone. "Let's go."

We watched as one by one they slowly and awkwardly clung to trees, rocks and logs to help them safely up. Every almost fall added more dread in my heart and I was starting to panic thinking of James not having any holds to use to his advantage.

"You don't have to do this," I told him quietly. "I can just wait here."

"And deprive me of being the hero? I think not. Come on, it's our turn to be the conquerers."

It's a painfully slow process, every step knocks me the wrong way, every almost slip causes both our cuts to bleed heavier and we're not even half way when I start to cry and want to give up.

"Don't cry, I'm not going to drop you. I'm sorry it's hurting," James gasps as he slams his already sore back into a bend in a tree to support us both so he can re arrange his footing. I sneak a peek over his shoulder and his jacket is now caked with dirt, mud and blood, so much blood.

"Oh…you're bleeding so much! I'm so sorry!"

"Hey, it's ok, I've had worse. Sirius used to try his new hexes out on me and I had a boil the size of a quaffle on my back that I had to have cut off for a week. Talk about pain! I almost considered being the 'back' of a pimple company for muggles and get a massive pay out when I got it properly removed."

I find myself smiling at his story. "Really?"

"Yeah, it was awful!"

"Tell me another story," I ask, forcing down a sob as he slips and my arm hits a rock.

"Sorry! Ok, how about this, in first year, after the sorting a girl with red hair and the prettiest eyes I've ever seen sat down next to me and I was so nervous I spilt my drink on this girl. I expected her to yell at me, make a scene, hit me, but she turned to me and said "nervous too huh? It's ok, I just realised my robes are inside out, we're both failing at first impressions. Do you think we can recover from the social humiliation?" and then she smiled at me, and I knew I was a goner."

There are no words for what I feel when he says this. There are no words to properly describe his vulnerability or sincerity and how it makes me feel.

He continues on even though it must be embarrassing to have me not even acknowledge his feelings.

"Then in the first holidays I went with Sirius and the Marauder's to a muggle fair, they dared me to see the fortune teller there so I did, and she told me I was to live a hard life but I would fall in love with a flower child and she would be my strength. She said my life line was cut short but the girl with her soul on fire that I would make my own and I would like a thousand life times in one. She told me to stop at nothing to get this girl, that I had already met her and would need to work hard for her love. And when I scoffed at her she gave me the lovers card and asked me to believe. She told me it comes in Seven's, our beginning, our consummation and our end. I knew when I left that it was you. And so for years I've done everything I know how to get you to notice me and nothings worked, we only have three months left of school before seventh year so I figure I'm running out of time. I just hope that this trip helps you see a different side of me because I'm starting to lose my belief in my happy ending."

He doesn't look at me and I can feel the heat from his cheeks getting warmer and warmer. What do you say to something like that, how are you meant to answer someone when they hand you their heart and trust you not to break it?

"Um…Thank you?" I reply dumbly.

Idiot. Who the hell says thank you?

To my surprise James chuckles. "You're welcome, better than I expected it would go."

"I don't know what to say," I admit shyly.

"We win," he responds and it takes me a minute to realise that we've stopped.

Our group is waiting for us and by the looks on their faces, they heard the last part of James' speech, violet looks like she might cry, Remus smiles knowingly and Frank looks shocked.

"Well, we got here first," James notes, ignoring everyone's reaction and still holding me tight.

"Yeah, more or less in one piece," I add.

"Man, McGonagall is going to be pissed about this," James says shaking his head.

"You did a great job of looking after Lily at your own personal risk," Alice says, looking confused. "Why would she be mad?"

"Because I couldn't stay out of trouble for one day," he explains.

"I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything less of you," McGonagall said, stepping into view from behind a tree. "Would you care to explain what happened?"


	5. Chapter 5

I am so sorry it's taken so long, my lap top crashed, so I've been adding on whenever I can at Tafe so that's why it's not too long this time. A huge thank you to APWBDumbledore, AngelicKat445 and especially Binka Fudge and PhoenixTears-x for the lovely reviews that gave me spring in my step and smile on my face. You guys all rock :D

JAMES

Oh this was not good, McGonagall was staring at all of us with her sharp disapproving eyes. I knew exactly what she was taking in and none of it good. We were all dirty, with torn clothes and matching expressions of exhaustion not to mention Lily and I both looked li8ke we'd just come home from battle. I knew exactly what she was seeing, but I didn't want to know what she was thinking.

"Mr Potter, care to explain?"

Damnit, why was I always the one to explain everything? And with all of my practice why couldn't I come up with anything? Think James, think! You're the charming one remember? Under her critical eye I did the only thing I could do; blurt out the first thing that came into my head.

"Your hair looks pretty."

I could feel Lily shaking with silent laughter as McGonagall lips quirked, but she didn't smile.

"My hair is the reason you have arrived here early looking worse for wear after disappearing off the set track?"

"It was the only thing that kept us going."

"Enough of your wit Potter, the truth, now."

I took a deep breath then began; "Well, first Remus realised we could cut time off by going the back way out of reach from all the obstacles, which makes him a genius in my eyes, then we got distracted b y the 'pretty unicorns' and in an attempt to keep herself untainted by my touch, Evans fell, being a gentleman I threw myself after her to make sure she would live to hurt me another day, she did. The others followed shortly after and Nurse Remus came to the rescue and gave us all some food rations and then we decided to set off so we could prove we really do everything better than Slytherine's. So through sheer determination to see your hair looking pretty, here we are."

I glanced anxiously to see her reaction, she didn't laugh at my story telling, but at least she wasn't yelling…yet.

"Miss Evans, is this true?"

Lily wiggled out of my arms so she could stand on her foot and only slightly lean on me, that was my girl, always staying strong.

"Yes Professor, and really Remus should get an award or something because he was so smart and thoughtful this whole time and we'd be lost, literally without him and James put my comfort above his health so he should be rewarded and everyone else was so brave and-"

"Thank you Miss Evans. I shouldn't need to tell you all how dangerous going off on your own could have been or that we set the perimeter for a reason, therefore I think 50 points should suffice."

My fists clenched and I couldn't ho0ld my tongue. "What? We're losing points for surviving a survival camp? That's mad, if you want to punish someone, just punish me ok? Leave everyone else out of it."

"If you had held your hot tongue for just a moment Mr Potter you would have realised that I am giving each of your houses 50 points for your quick thinking and resourcefulness. You can all head to the allocated camp set up to relax and celebrate with your classmates when they arrive, except for Potter and Miss Evans who will join you tomorrow after being given the all clear from the hospital wing. Stretchers will take you up to the castle."

I could only imagine the look on Sirius's face as he watched me being carried away on a stretcher and my insides went cold.

"Professor, I'm more than happy to escort Evans to the wing but I can walk, I will never live down being on a stretcher and honestly, I refuse to b forced into that humiliation my ego won't recover and there is nothing you can do to change my mind."

"How's the ego?" Lily asked 20 minutes later as we floated to the castle, our stretchers side by side.

"Probably won't ever talk to me again," I told her.

"Your ego talks to you?"

"How else do you think it got so big? We argue over who's prettier all the time."

Even though she rolled her eyes at me she smiled.

The rest of the trip was in silence but not the awkward kind. As we stopped in the entrance of the Hospital Wing, the school's Nurse Madame Ghold came rushing in and immediately began to fuss over Lily.

"Miss Evans! What's happened to you? You poor dear, I told Dumbledore this excursion would end in disaster. Come here dear and we'll clean you up."

Lily winced as Madame Ghold lead her to a bed and helped her ease into it, then began to work on mending her broken bones and helping with the bruises,

"I notice she isn't surprised to see _you_ here," she remarked to me as she tried not to cry.

I smirked broadly as I sat up on the bed, trying to ignore my back pain. "Oh Delia and I go way back, we've become quite close over the years."

Madame Ghold shot me a dark look. "Mr Potter and Mr Black should have a bed each reserved here they come so often, I have seen things about both boys I hope no one ever has to witness, yet I'm forced to endure every week."

"Delia it's just so we can have these lovely chats with your bright personality, you make it so hard to stay away."

Scoffing to herself Madame Ghold gestured me to the bed next to Lily's.

"Sit here, don't move and try to stay out of harms way for two minutes if that's at all possible."

I gave her my most charming smile as she left to bring back everything to clean my wounds.

I lay on my stomach as it was the least painful position and stared over at Lily who was watching me with speculation.

"Admiring me Evans?"

"I'm trying to figure out who the real James Potter is."

"I'm exactly who I've been today, that's me Evans. You just never took the time to get to know me."

"You never gave me a reason to want to."

Ooh, burn.

"Touche Evans, but come on admit it, I've proven you wrong about me haven't I?"

"I'll admit I'm wrong, when you admit everything you said today you meant."

I froze and felt myself go red. Why do girls always insist on repeating feelings til the words lose meaning? Isn't humiliation the first time around enough?

"See Potter? You have James who is sweet and said those things in private where no one else could hear, and then there's Potter, the everyday lunatic that cares only about his stupid pranks and his stupid reputation."

"I meant every word," I told her quietly. "I'm still waiting for you to wake up and realise I'm not the bad guy. You're the girl for me Evan's, I'm just waiting until you realise it."

Instead of a slap her gentle hand cupped my cheek and wiped away some blood from a cut. "You're a mind ninja James Potter," she told me quietly.

I leant in, close enough to kiss her. "You're beautiful Lily Evans."

"Way to go Prongs!"

Oh no, no, no, no, I was going to _KILL_ him!

LILY

Sirius Black had to be the most annoying creature ever to walk this earth!

James and I jumped back so fast from each other he actually fell off the bed as Madam Ghold rushed in with gauze and clear potions.

"Honestly Potter, can't you control yourself?"

Sirius grinned broadly. "Evidently not Miss."

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snapped, covering myself up with the sheets as I just notice how torn my clothes are.

"I came to check on Prongs and to look after him but I guess you beat me to it."

"Mr Black, shouldn't you be trying to get yourself killed so I have more work ahead of me?" Madame Ghold tersely asked as she began removing James jacket and shirt and dressing his wounds.

"Jesus mate, how did your back get so torn up? Did you piss Moony off?"

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Remus was the gentlest person I'd ever met.

"Padfoot, shut your gob for a sec will you? I'm trying to go to my happy place and your voice is ruining it," James grunted.

Sirius shot me an evil grin. "Just turn your head and ask Evans to drop the sheets, I'm sure that will do it."

I felt myself go red and I didn't even have a proper come back, Sirius was always going to be Sirius, there was no point even trying to win with him.

"Sirius, shut up or get out!" James snapped and everyone in the room froze.

Did James just yell at Sirius, because of _me_? What the?

"Sorry mate, I was just playing," Sirius mumbled. "I really did want to see if you were ok."

"And how did you get here so fast?" I asked, trying to avoid any eye contact. "Shouldn't you still be lost?"

"Evans my naïve little petal, I know these woods like I know women, there is no way I could possibly fail."

James turned his head slightly and I saw a glimpse of a smile. "So you cheated?"

"Cheating is such a dirty word, I like to think of it as using the answers to my advantage."

I found myself grinning at him, god that felt weird. "You got your wand back didn't you? And got it to direct you to the finish line."

"Evans, I am mortified that you would even suggest such a thing!" he told me, genuinely looking upset.

"I'm sorry I didn't-"

"He means he never gave his wand up," James cut in.

"Prongs man why did you ruin it, Evans was actually apologising to me!"

I rolled my eyes and tried to find a more comfortable position when something occurred to me.

"Sirius, you didn't leave your team alone to get lost right? Because my best friend was there and I promise I will skin you alive if anything happened to her!"

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "Evans, I'm a gentleman if not a team player, I could never leave a beautiful girl stranded, and don't think this was all me, your little friend actually told me she was impressed with me and was more than happy to follow on, as was everyone else. Truth is Evans, it's human nature, we all want to win, we all want to be the best and we all want someone to throw down every once in awhile to relieve built up tension. I just happen to be more open about it."

"You're an idiot," I snapped before turning to Madame Ghold who was finished dressing James' wounds. "Does he really have to be here?"

"I gave up trying to make them leave in third year dear, it's a waste of energy and time, they just come back." She replied as she handed James a smoking potion and ordered him to drink.

"It's not a love potion right?" he asked with a grin.

"Drink up Potter, I'm going to be in my office, call out if you need anything."

"Where is Carla?" I asked, curiously.

"Dreaming about me at camp," Sirius replied.

"Oh please!"

I felt my whole face light up as familiar black hair bounded through the door, deliberately slamming into Sirius on her way to me.

"Carla! You're here!"

"You think I was going to let this meat head take all the credit? It was my idea to come visit and unlike this idiot, I cleared it with McGonagall first. We're only allowed an hour before we have to head back though."

"How come Sirius got here first?"

"Sirius cheated."

We both looked at Sirius who was innocently inspecting his fingernails.

"What happened?" she asked, sitting at the end of my bed. "Rumours are going around that a centaur attacked you and James had to fight tooth and nail to get everyone out safe."

"Alright Prongs!" Sirius chirped, punching his fist in the air.

"Nothing as exciting as that," I sighed. "I slipped down a hill and Potter wanted bragging rights so he came after me."

"You look awful," she informed me with a grin. "You didn't have to get hurt to try and dissuade Potter from you though, I could have told you he'd still want you."

I found myself grinning back. "I wish I'd figured that out before I broke my arm, could have saved myself some pain."

"How long are you stuck here for?"

"I think we can come back tomorrow but I won't be doing anything too hands on," I replied.

"That's ok Evans," James cut in, making me jump. "I'm more than happy to offer you my company."

I snorted at him. "I still think you planned this whole thing, somehow you are working this all to your advantage."

"Evans, as cunning as I am and as desperate as I may be to spend time with you, I would _never_ hurt you to do so."

Carla and Sirius both stared at me and James in surprise, then suspicion, then slyly.

"Carla, I feel pretty tired," Sirius said, exaggerating his yawn.

"I better take you back then," Carla replied, after kissing me on the cheek. "I don't want to fail this course because you get yourself killed."

"You guys rest up and have a good night," Sirius told us, taking Carla's hand and leading her out the door. "We'll have all tomorrow to talk about how wonderful new found love is."

I scowled, Carla giggled and James snorted. "Subtle Padfoot, very subtle."

"You'll thank me in the morning," he called before throwing Carla over his shoulder and running her out of the room.

The silence this time was awkward, with a thousand words hanging between us that neither of us seemed to be able to say.

"I'm sorry about him," James told me sincerely. "I keep trying to convince him to get his head checked out, but I guess it's too far gone."

My lips quirked up before I could stop them. "It's ok. I guess it's kinda sweet he came to check on you."

"He just wanted to make sure his partner in crime survived, detentions no fun by yourself."

"I wouldn't know," I told him honestly. "I've never been in detention."

"That's why I like you so much Evans, you're everything I need to keep me balanced."

I bit my lip and said nothing, gosh I really sucked at this emotion thing, no wonder I've only ever had two boyfriends my whole life.

"It's ok you know," James told me.

"What is?"

"That you don't like me. It's ok. It's more than I could hope for really, we're from different worlds, I'm just a glutton for punishment."

Again I said nothing and let the silence suffocate me, pulling me tighter and tighter until I had to finally whisper.

"It's not that."

"It's not what Evans?"

I paused another minute and was grateful he didn't push me. "That I don't like you. I just don't know how I feel about you."

Suddenly the room was very small and James was standing over me, slowly he leant down and pressed warm lips to my forehead and my heart, the filthy traitor began hammering in my chest. Without waiting for a response from me he was gone, back to his bed, leaving me feeling too small in this tiny bed, incomplete.

"Goodnight Lily," he murmured.

"Good night…James."


	6. Chapter 6

JAMES

Why was it so bright? Why did everything hurt? Jesus, how much did Sirius force me to drink last night? I can't remember anything except for a weird dream about me and Evan's. I didn't open my eyes, just lay there and tried to figure out my surroundings. It didn't feel like I was in my own bed, I was way too uncomfortable for that.

I shifted slightly and gasped in pain, what was wrong with my back? Did I try and skin myself for a joke or something?

I heard someone stir next to me. "Sirius you ponce I'm going to really kill you this time. What the hell did you do to me?"

There was no pillow smacked in my face or murmurs of agreement from Peter or any 'I told you so's' from Remus and that's when my eyes snapped open and I was looking at Lily Evans, asleep peacefully in a bed next to mine.

If I was still dreaming I didn't ever want to wake up, even if it meant just watching her sleep forever and if I truly was awake I was going to march in Dumbledore's office and shake his hand for making this the best 24 hours of my life.

"Potter stop watching me sleep, it's creepy," Lily murmured, eyes still closed.

"You look so peaceful when you're sleeping Evan's, there's no stress or harshness in your face, if it weren't for the drool you'd look angelic."

Snapping to attention Lily sat up and wiped the remaining drool from her chin and then attempted patting her hair down.

With her hair piled on top of her head, bruises covering her cheeks and torn clothes she really looked so ridiculous I couldn't help but start chuckling.

"What? What's so funny?" she snapped.

"You look like a jungle woman," I told her. "I fancy it though so don't worry."

"Nice to see you both made it though the night," Madame Ghold commented as she walked briskly into the room. "How does your arm and leg feel?"

Lily shrugged. "Not broken, so I guess better."

"They will be tender for a couple weeks so you mustn't do anything strenuous, I have recommended you be excused from the remainder of this silly test but Professor Dumbledore insists this is important for your future, so I'm grudgingly letting you return. If you arrive back here again however, I will be refusing to allow you to leave. Your friend left some clothes for you to change into, you may change in my office and if you feel up to it head back to camp."

"Aren't you going to check me over?" I asked, mock hurt.

Madame Ghold almost smiled at me. "You've had worse and I'm sure there will be worse to come."

I offer my most winning smile as Lily goes to change in the next room and Madame Ghold comes to check over my injuries.

"Well your face is severely bruised still and there are a few cuts still healing but there won't be any scars so you might as well enjoy the sympathy while you can. As for your back, it's been cut and torn up quite well, so you will find I will be quite tender for a few weeks and a bit swollen so for the first time, you might even listen to me when I tell you to stay out of trouble so you can heal quicker."

"I'll be fine Delia, you worry too much, I don't even notice the pain."

She pressed hard into my back and my breath caught in my throat as I lost clear vision for a second.

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr Potter, did you notice something?"

Wincing I nodded in defeat. "Maybe a couple days relaxing wouldn't be so bad."

"Good choice, ah Miss Evans, you look much more refreshed, how do you feel now?"

Lily looked amazing in a green sweatshirt, tight black pants and sneakers, bruises and all.

"I think fresh air will help, would we please be able to go?"

"That's fine dear, take this potion if the pain gets too bad and come straight back here. Potter, try not to get yourself or Miss Evans killed for the remainder of the trip please."

I grinned brightly. "Only because you asked so nicely. See you later Delia!"

Even as I pulled Lily out of the room I could hear Madame Gholds' sigh of defeat.

"Do you really go to the hospital wing that often?" she asked, hand still in mine.

"Define often."

Lily laughed quietly. "Enough said. So who's the bigger trouble maker, you or Sirius?"

"I like to think I have a bit more restraint than Padfoot but I guess together we're the ultimate team."

"And he's your best friend?"

"More like a brother really, we muck around a lot, but I'd take a curse for him anyday, and 'm pretty sure he's the same."

"That's kinda touching."

I squeeze her hand and she jumps a bit. "Don't tell anyone Evans, it might ruin my façade of having no soul."

"I believe I said heart Potter, not soul,"

"Safe difference. How's your arm and leg?" I ask noticing her limp slightly.

"Oh you know, still attached so doing good."

Taking a chance I throw her over my shoulder and start off to the forest at a dead run.

"Potter, put me down!" she shrieks, but there's a trace of laughter in her voice.

"Shh Evan's you're going to ruin my hero angle I'm going to work," I tell her as the forest gets closer and closer.

"God, should I pretend I've passed out too so you can try resuscitate me?"

I broad smile fills my face. "Would you?"

I call out in pain as two fists pound on my back.

"Heroes don't feel pain Potter, or at least cry out like little girls," she taunts me.

"Evans, I will have no hesitation in throwing you gently down on the ground right now and getting you to retract that comment."

"Do it then," she challenged, before letting out a little girly gasp as I had her pinned on the ground, holding my weight off her but still confining her.

"You can still take it back now Evans, I won't tell anyone you gave in."

Her green eyes twinkled and her lips set in determination. "Never!"

I smiled wickedly. "I was kinda hoping you would say that. Don't say I didn't try giving you a way out Evans."

I began to tickle her and immediately she thrashed around laughing loudly.

"Do you give up Evans?"

"N-never!" she giggled, trying to pull out of my grasp.

I continued tickling her, huge grin on my face at how beautiful she looked laughing freely. "Come on Evans, I can do this all day, just admit I'm a hero."

"F-fine, you're a hero!"

"Now tell me I'm a sexy hero!"

Evans laughed even harder. "You'll have to kill me!"

"Ah Miss Evans, Mr Potter, lovely day isn't it?"

We both froze, me still on top of Evans, one of my hands below her rib cage still and looked up at Albus Dumbledore.

"Oh don't stop on my account, I find the laughter of young ones quite soothing. I was on my way to make sure you had both made it back to the forest safely, however, I can just tell Professor McGonagall you were both enjoying each other's company on this beautiful day and will return for the afternoon if you would prefer."

Lily pushed me and I willingly rolled next to her.

"Sorry Professor, we're ready to go now," she told him quietly, now quite red.

I jumped to my feet and rumpled my hair up. "Yeah, let's go."

Pale blue eyes sparkled in amusement. "Very well, would you like me to lead the way, I promise not to turn around to check if your keeping up."

I smiled brightly. Best. Principal. Ever.

"No thanks Professor, we can all walk together," Lily told him stiffly, completely avoiding my eye contact.

"You pinned her to the ground?" Remus asked incredulously, once I'd told them my tale back at camp.

"Professor Dumbledore caught you?" Peter added.

"SHE DIDN'T KICK YOU WHERE IT HURTS?" Sirius practically screamed, causing alarmed eyes to glance over from all directions.

"Padfoot, shut up! Yes, yes, and yes ok?"

"Wow, do you think maybe Professor Dumbledore planned this whole thing to get you and Lily together?" Peter asked, excitement lighting up his round face.

"Yes Wormtail, Professor Dumbledore planned an excursion for all the sixth years to attend just to help some teens love lives," Sirius replied, tone dripped with sarcasm.

I thought about the randomness of this sudden camp, of the theme of survival and learning skills to protect ourselves and then the current crisis with the dark lord and my brow furrowed.

"Maybe he didn't plan it for us, but there is definitely something going on here besides giving us some fresh air." I murmured aloud.

Sirius' face lit up at the prospect. "You mean like training us for battle? If that's the case he didn't need camp, all he needed to do was ask!"

"Padfoot, keep your voice down! We don't know what's going on yet," I hiss.

Remus grins at me and I'm surprised to recognise the loo at one I often give him when he's being the responsible one.

"She's really made a difference in you."

For some reason this rubs me the wrong way.

"I still know how to have fun!" I snap. "Nothing's chaned."

Sirius lazily slings an arm around me and nods to all the girls sitting around giggling. "Prank tonight then?"

Before I can even open my mouth me cuts me off. "Evans won't be involved at all I promise."

"What did you have in mind?"

His eyes gleamed with mischief. "I think a big bad wolf if coming to dinner."

Remus froze. "What? Guys it's not even full moon and I…I…"

I imitated Sirius and flung my arm around him. "Moony, he meant himself you know how big he gets, the girls are going to flip!"

"So you're in?" Sirius asks in surprise.

"I'm in."

"Yes!" Sirius jumped up ad punched the air.

"Idiot," Carla muttered as she walked past.

"See you later dew drop!" Sirius called in response.

"Dew drop?" Peter asked with a giggle.

"It's our thing, I give her stupid nick names and she pretends to hate it."

We all glanced over at Carla who was pounding extra pegs into her tent with such conviction I doubted if a tornado could move the tent.

"She doesn't know it yet," Sirius began before raising his voice so the whole camp could hear. "But Carla is going to be _the_ girl for me."

Lily actually giggled a bit as we all ducked the mallet that was thrown at us.

"Miss Fitch! Five points from Griffindor, that was completely unacceptable behaviour, you will not be participating today."

"But Professor, you don't understand how annoying…"

McGonagall held up a hand to silence her. "I'm quite aware of how irresponsible and aggravating Mr Black can be, I however have learnt to accept he will not change and to become quite creative with detention which you will now be partaking in whilst the rest of us are out."

"Professor that's not fair, it's all his fault!"

Professor McGonagall's eyes were full of amusement. "That's why Mr Black will be joining you."

"Yes!"

"No! Miss, please, I'd rather be fed to the giant squid, don't do this!"

"That's quite enough carrying on, you will both remain here and tidy to entire campsite, ensure there is a safe perimeter set up and gather edible, non poisonous fruit and forest resources for lunch."

"Professor, I could kiss you!"

"Mr Black, I'd advise you hold your tongue."

Sirius nodded but put both thumbs up to Professor McGonagall, who turned away from him.

"The rest of you will be learning how to fish and hunt without wands and then after lunch your wands will be returned to practice successful cloaking charms, useful for hiding yourself in necessary situations."

"Like what?" A Ravenclaw girl asked, looking anxious.

"Like Sirius Black," Carla muttered, to which Sirius blew her a kiss.

"Gather necessary provisions," McGonagall continued. "You have five minutes. Miss Evans, Mr Potter, here please."

As everyone bustled around, Lily and I met McGonagall up front.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine thanks," Lily murmured, I just shrugged, she wasn't really asking me anyway.

"Good. Now as you're both injured and the exercise for this morning is quite strenuous, I'm going to have to ask you to both remain here to prevent further injury."

I opened my mouth to protest but McGonagall beat me to it. "You're not being punished and I don't require you to clean up. You will however, need to practice the cloaking charm, I've left some parchment with instructions for you. We should all be back within the next four hours with lunch. It is up to you to attempt to cloak yourselves and your tent."

Great, alone time with Evan's…and Sirius, groan.

"Would you mind making sure Mr Black doesn't poison the camp and Miss Fitch doesn't poison Mr Black?"

Lily smiled warmly. "Sure Professor."

"Very well. Stay out of trouble, behave yourself and do not try anything foolish, I won't be far and I have Professors near by keeping watch."

I grinned knowing she was only talking to me. "I always behave myself miss."

"That's not comforting Potter, come along everyone, let's go."

Slowly the camp emptied and it was just the four of us staring at each other.

"Best. Camp. Ever!" Sirius burst out. "We can double date!"

I don't know who looked less impressed with the idea, Lily or Carla.

LILY

"He's so annoying! Always following me around, giving me stupid nicknames, acting like we're together when we're not, god! Sirius Black is _the_ most annoying, arrogant…"

I smirk broadly at her. "How the mighty have fallen, interesting how the tables have turned isn't it?"

Carla's eyes bulged. "That's different, James loves you, Sirius wants in my pants."

"Haven't we already had this argument, but reversed?"

Carla pointed a shaking finger at me. "You're enjoying this."

I smiled and shrugged. "Maybe just a bit, but have you actually considered that he might like you?"

"No, why would you even assume that?"

"He isn't snogging every girl that comes near him or even trying to flirt with anyone else but you and there are a lot of girls that would gladly take him."

Carla stopped arguing and looked over at Sirius who was pouring water on James' back and double checking his wounds. Even I was surprised at how gentle he was being, James barely ever flinched or seemed to notice.

"He's still a prat," Carla muttered as my eyes lingered on James heavily injured but incredibly toned body.

Finally Carla grinned wickedly. "Hot body huh?"

"Mmmhmm," I reply without thinking then look up in horror.

Carla winked. "How the mighty have fallen."

I tried to elbow her in the ribs but pain laced up my arm and my knees almost buckled. "Ow!"

James was there before I could even steady myself properly.

"What hurts? Are you ok?"

Sirius shook his head at me as I struggled to focus my eyes on anywhere but James' half naked body.

"I'd say she's love sick."

"I'm fine," I snapped, pulling away from James. "You don't need to mother me!"

James raised his eyebrows then swiftly turned away. I gasped at how awful his back really was damaged. It was a giant bruise, almost all the skin swollen and discoloured with shallow cuts stil glistening with fresh blood.

This was all my fault.

"Evans, are you ok?" Sirius asked.

I nodded numbly.

"Good then, so pearl of my heart, shall we start cleaning?"

Carla's lips tightened but she didn't yell, just stalked off in the direction of the tents.

Sirius winked at me before hurrying after to her.

"I guess we should start practicing," I tell James.

"Sounds good, where's the instructions?"

I hand it over to him silently and with a mutter and wave of his wand, he was gone. I jumped back only to trip over a log, I braced myself for a fall but it didn't come, instead two warm, gentle hands caught me. I looked up and saw nothing until another mutter and James appeared grinning.

"How did you do that? We haven't even practiced yet!"

James released me and twiddled his fingers in front of my face. "Magic!"

"Very funny, here let me try."

I followed the instructions exactly making sure I even moved my hand accordingly and nothing happened.

James tried, and failed not to look a little proud of himself. "Evans, it's ok, you don't need to be perfect at everything."

"I thought I was perfect?" I challenged.

"Evans, I said you were perfect _for me_, not that you were perfect."

I curse my stupid cheeks for blushing and the warmth that spreads across my chest. What was happening to me?

James stood behind me, wrapped his hand around mine, still holding the wand and placed his other hand on my waist lightly.

"You need to relax," he whispered in my ear.

Yeah right! Easier said then done when the guy you used to loathe with a fiery passion might end up being the guy you like and is so close you can smell his personal scent, not to mention he's holding you like you're the most precious thing in the entire world.

"Evans, breathe, I'm not going to hurt you."

I took a deep breath but it did nothing to stop the tension.

"Now hold your wand like you would a quill, then using your fingers to spin it around, move you wand gently back then point it at that tent."

I closed my eyes and let James guide me, placed my trust in him. When I opened them, the tent was gone.

"I did it! I cloaked the tent! Did you see that? I actually did it!"

I jumped up and down and threw myself into James arms, he carried me like I was nothing more than a feather, god, why does that turn me on?

"Maybe you are perfect Evans."

"Shut up," I reply playfully then turn back to my tent which is now reappearing slowly.

"It didn't stick," I pouted.

"You only just learnt how Evans, keep practicing."

"How come _you're_ so good."

James gently placed me back on the ground but didn't surrender me from his grasp. "Evans, if Sirius and I got caught for everything we had done, we'd never have a spare minute out of detention. We had to make sure we knew how to hide ourselves, sometimes an invisibility cloak isn't there to help."

I moved out of his reach and began practicing on the log. "Pfft like either of you actually have a cloak like that."

"Believe what you want Evans, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can."

"So the school's biggest pranksters are actually excellent students, quite a twist."

"How else do you think we got the skills to pull of the pranks? We may be trouble, but that doesn't mean we're stupid or don't want to learn to be as great a wizards as we can be."

The verbal slap stopped me. Who knew James Potter and _Sirius Black_ of all people had layers? This really was an enlightening camp.

In silence I practiced the cloaking charm while James tidied up the camp a bit and Carla could be heard losing her temper with Sirius every now and then. I don't even notice time passing because I'm so lost in my thoughts and feelings. I really don't even know what's going on with me. I cant differentiate between actually having genuine feelings for James or being overwhelmed now that I realise he's not that bad after all. God, how did the ditzy girls do this? How did they find time to date, analyse behaviour, spend time with friends and still pass school? It seemed almost an impossibly tall order.

I paused my relentless thoughts and listened. I heard nothing. It was quiet. Which meant there had to be something wrong. I tore my gaze away from my pathetic attempts on the log and out of my own little world and scanned the camp site. James was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone? How hadn't I even noticed he'd left? I really sucked at this whole survival thing didn't I?

Just relax, told myself, he's probably beating his chest with Sirius or something. I looked around and my heart beat faster, where the hell were Sirius and Carla? There had been no raised voices for awhile now. God, how much time had passed since I even noticed no one was here?

It really hits me now how creepy the forbidden forest is with Professor McGonagall to gain control, without friends to keep me occupied, or even James to make me feel safe. Where was he?

"James? Sirius? Carla? Where are you?"

I began to search through the tents and not surprisingly, there is no one in any of them. It occurs to me as I start to wander into the outskirts of the forest how similar this is to a muggle cliché horror movie, only this time I'm living it, not safe on the couch with Petunia.

"Potter, Black! This had better not be some kind of prank or I'll curse you both so hard by the time you come around, I'll have grand children."

"Harsh words Evans, what have I done now?"

I spin around and James is standing there holding a basket filled with what looks like berries and other forest food.

I smack him hard across the face once. "Do you have any idea how freaked out I was?"

James rubbed his cheek which had now started to bleed as my hit had opened up a previous cut.

"So you _do _care Evans?"

I ignore him and carry on. "Where the _hell_ were you?"

James thrust the basket in my face roughly. "Making sure Sirius didn't poison the camp by picking just anything off a bush. I didn't even think you would notice I'd gone and I really didn't think I needed to ask permission."

"You don't," I reply stiffly.

"If you don't care and I don't need to get your permission to go out of your sight, then what's the big deal?"

I open my mouth to reply but shut it hastily as I come up with nothing. The only thing I can do to salvage a bit of pride is change the subject.

"I can't find Sirius or Carla."

He nods in the direction of the tents. "Did you check that tent?"

There's only thin air where he's pointing so I assume he's having me on.

"Sure, a Thestral lead me there and then I played chess with a leprechaun."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." He informs me as he motions his wand back and forth and a tent materialises.

"Show off."

"Ladies first," he tells me coldly.

I step into the tent and immediately notice everything has been thrown around roughly, my eyes lock n the centre of the tent and I gasp.

"Oh…my…god…"

Nothing has prepared me for what we find.


	7. Chapter 7

First of all this probably isn't very long, I'm having trouble finding time to myself these days so sorry about that. This chapter is a bit darker too, hopefully it's still ok, who said love was easy? Secondly thanks to everyone that favourited or added my story to their alerts and a massive massive thank you to 'The DA is dressed to the nines' for such kind words, this chapter is for you.

JAMES

I push Lily behind me, only two things on my mind, getting Evan's safe and protecting Sirius from whatever had trashed this tent. Wand raised, adrenaline pumping I burst into the room and my eyes nearly popped out.

There was no helping Sirius, it was too late. He was battling an impossible enemy I was too smart to even try to conquer.

Himself.

In the middle of the tent, which was modelled after a tiny flat, right on the floor were Sirius and Carla locked in a passionate embrace, passion acute to the point of pain as there were pin pricks of blood on Sirius's bare back in the shape of nails and both their lips looked swollen. Carla's bra was definitely a casualty. Trying to be a gentleman I averted my eyes

"Carla!" Lily bursts out, clinging to my arm to steady herself

Neither of them make a move to listen and I realise Sirius put a cloaking charm and silencing charm but failed and its silenced everything that comes into he tent.

Lazily I wave my arm just as Carla emits a very feminine moan.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Lily bursts out, trying to shove past me.

The effect is instantaneous. Carla shrieks and tries to cover herself, Sirius looks frustrated and ready to kill, but neither pull away.

Carla turns a different shade of red entirely, refusing to meet Lily's sharp eyes and then Sirius surprises me, for the first time ever, he shields Carla's body and stands, arms crossed in front of her protectively.

What the? Where was the smirk? The suggestion that we join in? Where was the shrug at the girl before taking off with us? Who was this guy?

"Do you mind?" Sirius demanded. "This isn't a peep show."

"Carla, you can't be serious?" Lily gasped.

"No, actually I am, and I'm asking you nicely Evans, to leave."

"Leave?" Lily shrieked "So you can force yourself onto my friend? Have sex with her at school camp?"

"We weren't going to have sex," Sirius replied.

"You weren't?" Lily and I asked at once.

"No, because I would never force Carla and this is not the most special of places."

All three of us stared at him. Lily with anger and…envy? Carla with a special sort of sweetness and me with shock then understanding.

"Evans, let's go," I tell her , moving us back towards the camp.

"Carla? Are you coming?" She asks tersely.

"Evans, leave it be. We still have to cloak our tents," I tell her before turning to Sirius. "Twenty minutes, McGonagall is due back in an hour and a half and I'm not cleaning the whole camp by myself. I already picked the food."

Sirius shot me a grateful smile before picking up Carla's clothes and handing them to her.

I managed to wrestle Lily out of the tent, but she was not a happy camper.

"Why the hell did you make me leave?" she hissed. "God only knows what he's charmed her into doing! God, I should never have talked her into being more open minded about him, she's going to become another of his whores!"

"You have got to be joking," I tell her coldly. "Sirius would never and has never charmed a girl with magic into doing anything, and he never would. He's not like that ok? He's a decent guy, girls throw themselves at him, and yeah, maybe he doesn't go about it in the right way, but he is not a bad person."

Lily just stares at me coldly as I begin to tidy up the camp .

"Why are you protecting him? That's my best friend in there!"

"And he is mine!" I snarl.

"Potter, if McGonagall finds out they will both risk expulsion, do you really want that?"

"I gave them twenty minutes to straighten up," I reply as I start to clean up the camp.

"So that's it?" She asks. "We're never going to mention this again?"

I sigh and turn to face her. "No Evans, I'm sure Carla is in for years of reprimands and repeated conversations, but I'm not going to force Sirius into that unless he wants to talk, and for your information, he likes her. I can tell."

"Because he waited until the second day to get her top off?"

"Because he has never treated any girl like this, he was never wanted to personally protect a girl before, or bothered with cloaking and silencing charms to create privacy. You don't have to like him Evan's but you will not ruin either of their happiness."

Lily looks like a little girl as she sits on her log and fidgets with her hair. "I thought you would be on my side for this."

"Evans, I am always on your side, even when you don't want me to, however, this isn't about sides it's about right and wrong."

"They're from completely different worlds Potter, they'll both end up hurt."

I feel like ice has been poured down my spine. "Like us?"

Surprisingly she looks alarmed. "No, no I didn't mean like us, it's different with them."

"How?"

"Carla is really impressionable ok? A guy tells her he loves her and she's gonna believe him even when deep down she knows he only wants one thing. It's different for you guys, you don't get attached like we do, you don't have the confusion, the self hatred at not being able to act on your feelings and do the right thing. And Sirius, well, I mean look at his reputation I can name over fifty girls he's snogged in the past two years alone, I've seen scars on anyone that dares go past him when he's bored or angry. He has a dangerous history James, I read all about his family, they're borderline evil."

I know she doesn't mean any of this stuff, it's in her eyes her immediate regret, I know she's saying this because she's scared, because she doesn't understand the changes going on around her and inside of her heart, I know all of this, but for the first time in six years, she disgusts me

"He is nothing like them ok? That's almost like calling me evil because my great Uncle cursed my Aunt's ear off in rage."

Lily looks stricken with my lovely family story. "No! No, James, you're not evil at all, you are _nothing_ like Sirius, I can see that now, you're nothing like him!"

"I am _exactly_ like him!" I yell at her and she actually starts crying, I'm past the point of caring though. Whoever is standing right in front of me, is not Lily Evans, is not the girl of my dreams and is not worth another breath.

"I'm sorry," she sobs.

I stare at her blankly. "Don't be, I'm glad I found out what you really think about me."

I leave her sitting there on the log and when I can hear her start after me I throw the invisibility cloak around me then cast a cloaking charm with so much passion I wonder how many tents I managed to cover.

"So, it's been a lovely day," he tells me with a hint of a grin.

I roll my eyes. "One of the best for sure. How much did you hear?"

"Only the start, beginning and end," he tells me, flopping down onto the mattress next to me.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," I tell him.

Sirius shrugs. "I can't believe it."

Guilt plagues me. "I'm sorry she brought up your family."

"Nah, not about that, my family _are_ borderline evil, I can't believe you actually yelled at Evans, and she actually cried."

"She was insulting you, she was insinuating you were out to steal Carla's heart and Carla had no power to say no even if she wanted to."

"Prongs man, I love you, but you're not the sharpest tool in the shed."

"What?"

"Mate, she was talking about herself. About how scared she was that she was falling for you and it meant nothing to you, the thing was me was just a cover up and concern for her friend blown up."

"I don't care Padfoot, the things that came out of her mouth…for the first time ever I could see why she was friends with Snivellous, I didn't think Evan's of all people would be up for judging."

Sirius sighed. "Women are a complex puzzle we will never figure out my friend, I think the fact that she cried is a good sign."

"How so?"

"Up until this point I wasn't entirely sure Evans had tear ducts or feelings."

I smile a tiny bit. "Funny, she thought the same about us."

LILY

"Have you come to yell at me too for over reacting?" I ask Carla without even looking up from my log.

"Hey, I came to be yelled at not do the yelling."

A warm arm wraps around me and suddenly tears I haven't cried in so long are pouring down my face. "I'm sorry."

Carla shrugged. "Not my finest moment, that's for sure."

"Do you like him?"

Carla sighed. "I'm trying miserably not to."

I can relate to that, in so many different ways. Why was the heart so dominant when the brain was what kept the body moving, why did your heart get control when it was the easiest thing to break, and in love there were no transplants.

"I guess you're going to tell me he's different than what he appears?"

"No, he's definitely arrogant, pig headed and the very definition of trouble," Carla told me and I looked up and smiled.

"But?"

"But he's honest, he doesn't pretend to be anything he isn't, he doesn't lie and he has such a gentleness I feel safe around him. I get the feeling that his upbringing broke a part of him and maybe these past few years with all the girls has been because of that. It sounds lame Lil, but I feel like we're two of the same. Broken, waiting for someone to put us back together,"

It's impossible for me to say anything back that's going to help, Carla was muggle born like me and grew up in a foster home without a loving and gentle family. We have only spoken about the abuse once, and lots of fire whisky was involved.

"I'm glad he helps you," I murmur. "I'm sorry I went off."

Carla nudged me gentle. "You wanna tell me about it?"

"I guess I panicked, I didn't know where anyone was and that unsettled me, then I guess I wasn't prepared to see…what I saw. I had my whole life in a neat little trunk, locked away and everyone had a place, this whole camp ruined that and I feel vulnerable now, I hate it."

"You love James Potter," Carla tells me, and there is no question in the statement.

"Do I? I don't think I know James Potter enough to fall for him. I think I may like him, but whatever progress I just ruined."

Carla nodded and went on bluntly. "Well you did a pretty good hatchet job on the friendship that's for sure, but it's just like me and Sirius, ruined, not broken. You can't fix what's ruined, but broken can always be prepared."

I shrugged out of her grasp and together we finished cleaning the camp together in silence, until I couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Sirius must hate me,"

Carla actually laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"How much you've changed, you actually care if Sirius is upset, you worry that James hates you. We should get you out in the open more, it gives everyone else a chance to see how kind you are."

I sighed. "The ice queen."

"You're not an ice queen and Sirius doesn't hate you. We both know everything you said, was about your insecurities, he was just the shield to block James from knowing."

"God, life was so much easier when guys were terrified of me and left me alone!"

Carla smiled warmly as she finished the last of the cleaning. "Just think, we'll never be bored now!"

Twigs snapped and bushes rustled loudly near by. Carla and I clung to each other quickly.

"Just the wind?" Carla asked.

"No wind."

"Harmless animal?"

"I would hope so, since it would have to be pretty large to make that much noise."

"Why the hell would they leave us alone?" Carla asked. "You and James are already injured and keeping James and Sirius together? That's just a recipe for trouble.""

I smile. "Maybe she figured no one else would be better protectors than the Marauder's leaders."

The rustling got louder and more vicious and I swear I could almost hear screaming.

"Sirius!" Carla called, clenching my hand so tight I started to lose all feeling.

Within seconds Sirius was next to Carla, concern filled in his deep eyes. "What's wrong? "Evans hasn't jinxed you right?"

"Evans is right here," I told him sternly. "And I would never hurt Carla."

"Good to hear," he replied without even looking at me.

The rustling picked up again and this time I was thrust aside as Sirius placed Carla behind him and James reluctantly stood in front of me, which I guess was more than I deserved.

"Sounds like someone screaming," Sirius said. "And not in a pleasing kind of way."

Carla elbowed him, James smirked and I rolled my eyes. Sirius would always be Sirius.

"It almost sounds like someone's screaming 'Potter,'" James said.

I scoffed. "Typical."

James shot me the darkest look he could manage and I shrank back a little.

"Padfoot, did you put a silencing charm around the whole camp too?" James asked.

Sirius smiled sheepishly. "I may have."

James whispered something and twirled his wand and suddenly the noise was overwhelming, so many foot steps stamping, lots of voices over happing each other, bushes rustling and above it all one clear voice.

"JAMES POTTER!"

James sighed and turned to Sirius. "You're gonna owe me for this,"

Sirius grinned. "I'll take the next one."

With another wave of his wand the perimeter of the camp became clear. McGonagall stood with not only our camp but all the Slytherine's, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. No one looked too pleased to see us.

"Mr Potter, are you deaf? We have been shouting ourselves hoarse for fifteen minutes, for awhile there I thought I had navigated the position wrong."

James turned to look at me, eyes hard and unforgiving. "It was all Evan's."

What? How dare he? I'd kill him, if he was going to get me thrown out, I wanted there to be a valid reason for it.

"Miss Evans? How so?"

"We practiced the cloaking charms all afternoon, looks like Evans here excelled a little better than anyone could have predicted. Isn't that the point Professor? To keep our position hidden? Looks like Evans beat your test."

I couldn't believe my ears, James Potter was giving me false credit?

Professor McGonagall turned to me and looked at me speculatively. "Then I applaud you Miss Evans, you have certainly shown magic beyond what anyone could have expected out of you. Twenty points for Griffindor."

I needed to find a way to pick my jaw up off the ground, I could not believe this was happening.

"The camp looks to be in shape, no doubt Mr Potter helped you out Mr Black?"

"Professor, I'm insulted you would even suggest that!" Sirius called out indignantly.

Professor McGonagall turned her back on him. "No you're not. Very well, there is going to be some changes for the remaining time here. Professor Dumbledore is concerned you are not getting to point of trusting those you may not necessary be on amicable terms on. Therefore, your groups will be split up once more. There will now be groups of four, in each of these groups there will be one person from each house, after you have been sorted into your groups we will have some lunch then to get you acquainted with your new groups you will have the remainder of the day as free time."

My heart beat faster, this meant me and James would be getting split up and he would be away from me with better looking, nicer, sane girls.. Damn, that's going to be impossible to tear James away from. Why can't I ever control my temper or keep my mouth shut?

A sharp elbow landed just above my ribs and I winced in pain. "Pay attention," James hissed. "They're about to call your new group."

"Lily Evans, Frank Longbottom, Bella Knox and Severus Snape, please find each other and then proceed to the back to wait for the rest of us."

My hand was suddenly very warm and very full. I looked up and saw James staring at me intently.

"Be careful," he told me quietly. "I don't trust Snape. I won't be far."

One more squeeze and the warmth was ripped from my hand and James was gone, Severus stepping into his place.

His eyes were blacker than I remembered, his skin leathery and worn, there were no traces of fun and laughter.

"Hello partner," he told me politely. "Shall we?"

He held out a pale, slightly clammy hand.

I glanced over at James who was talking with a good looking girl from Ravenclaw with his eyes locked on me the whole time.

I hesitated a second too long and Severus retracted his hand. "I'm sorry," he told me softly.

The Ravenclaw girl giggled and threw her arms around James neck.

I looked between James and Severus, representations of the past and present, of security and the unknown. Taking a deep breath I looked into Severus's sad, regretful eyes and offered my hand.

"Are you coming?"

This time a cool presence filled my hand and as I was only beginning to realise just how cold inside I really was and just how warm James Potter was.


	8. Chapter 8

Big thanks again to The DA is dressed to the nines, Potter06 and all the people that made it their favourite or added my story to their subscription, really means so much to me. Biiiig cuddles your way. I know it seems a little rushed, especially on Lily's part so, sorry about that! Enjoy :D

James

If I hated Severus Snape before I absolutely loathed him now. Look at the slimey git, eyeing Evans off like she's a present he's dying to unwrap. God I hated him!  
I couldn't even focus on Syndil shamelessly flirting with me, for the past half hour I hadn't touched any of my lunch which turned out to be pretty decent with grilled fish and an array of berries and nuts from the forest.

"You want me to take care of him for you?" Sirius whispered in my ear.

"What?"

Sirius nodded towards Snape who was clearing Lily's plate for her, making sure their hands brushed.

"I can make it look like an accident, I'll even enjoy doing it. Or you know, we can lure him to Moony when he's feeling a bit hairy and this time you can just not stop the git."

I looked back over to see Snape now wrapping a blanket around both their shoulders so they were snuggled in close, shoulders brushing.

"I'll get back to you," I tell him as I seriously begin to weigh pro's and con's.

"Offer always stands, just let me know, I'll add him to the list."

"There's a list now?" I ask.

Sirius cracked his knuckles and I followed his gaze to Tyler Frost who was trying to throw a shrieking Carla over his shoulder, finally succeeding he lead theirs and another six groups into the forest.

I grin broadly at Sirius. "Jealous mate?"

"I don't get jealous, that would mean I'm threatened and I'm not, I'm in a whole other league to _him_," he told me stiffly.

"So it doesn't bother you that Frost is probably trying to have his way with Carla right now? That he's using his dreamy blue eyes to seduce her so they can fall madly in love?"

"The hell he is!" Sirius burst out.

I started chuckling.

"I'm not jealous," Sirius tells me. "I just don't trust guys with her."

I thought of Lily being touched by another guy, of someone else stroking her silky hair and making her blush and I feel my intestines turn to steel and the anger burn my face warm. Despite how crazy she makes me, despite how much she just screwed up or how cruel she could be, I wanted to be the only guy to make her smile, to make her laugh, I wanted to be the only guy for her, period.

"I think they've turned us soft," Sirius tells me.

I nod. "Yeah you have definitely lost your edge,"

He elbows me hard in the side and I whack him back harder. "Dude, do not start a war you can't win, you know how this ended last time."

Sirius scoffed. "You cheated and used your antlers as leverage."

I grin at the memory of Padfoot the dog whimpering and running behind pathetically tiny Peter hoping I would have mercy.

"Can't cheat if there aren't any rules," I replied.

"Sirius, are you coming?" Cynthia Scown asked, popping her hip out as she stood directly in front of Sirius.

Sirius for the first time in all the time I'd known him didn't even look Cynthia up and down or show any kind of interest at all. "Coming where? I'm busy with James right now."

Cynthia stretched so her boobs were emphasised and her already micro skirt rode up higher on her thighs. "It's free time, I thought we could go for a walk and be…free."

My eyebrows raised of their own accord and I felt like I was intruding on what should be kept private.

"I'll go find my group," I murmured attempting to get up when Sirius' hand clamped firmly around my wrist.

I looked down in shock and saw Sirius appearing to have an internal battle with himself. After a few moments and glances at Cynthia he took a deep breath.

"Cynthia?"

"Yes love?" she practically purred.

"I would love to throw you down on the forest floor and be free with our feelings…"

Cynthia's face lit up and I was irritated that I was staying to listen to Sirius use his lines.

"But I can't. I got something good going for me and I don't wanna muck that up, sorry love."

Cynthia looked close to either mutiny or laughter, not an easy feat to pull off beautifully, but she managed it.

"You'll come crawling back," she told Sirius with a slight sniff then with a flip of her hair she was gone.

"I'm impressed," I tell Sirius honestly.

"I'm hoping I did the right thing,"

"Well you like Carla, so yeah, you did good."

Sirius still looked torn as he stared over at Cynthia. "But she's so…hot, I have had dreams of all the things I want to do with her Prongs, half of the stuff I can't even spell."

I clapped him on the shoulder. "You're going to get through this mate, together we will help you get through your addiction to infidelity and you may even emerge a decent boyfriend."

Sirius looked less than thrilled which of course made me laugh. "Cheer up Padfoot, I've stayed out of women trouble for years and I've still had fun, you will be fine. We still have our prank tonight to cheer you up."

Finally Sirius's eyes lit up. "Excellent! Man Carla's going to kill me!"

"You're not going to actually include her are you?"

"Are you kidding me? She's so hot when she's mad at me!"

"You're an idiot Padfoot," I told him with a smile.

"Idiot would be putting it mildly," added a bitter voice.

We both whirled around to find Bellatrix staring at us murderously.

Sirius used a few choice words to reply to which Bellatrix looked a bit shocked at, at first, before bursting into humourless laughter.

"Dear cousin, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Of course not, thus remaining disease free."

"Is everything a joke to you?"

"Bellatrix dear cousin, mouth herpes is never a joke," Sirius told her earnestly.

"You are the biggest failure in this family," she spat. "Your mother doesn't even acknowledge your existence, she only has one son in her eyes, I've seen the family tree, completed cut off, sentenced to live the diseased life of Mudbloods, Muggles and Blood Traitors."

"Then I'll die a decent human being won't I? The only family worth having are the ones I choose to surround myself with. You disgust me, the best thing my family ever did was disown me, I would rather die a traitor then live to be evil and soulless like your family!"

"I'll do you a favour then shall I? I'll kill you myself," Bellatrix hissed.

Sirius stepped closer so their noses were almost touching. "Do it now then."

Bellatrix's hand twitched and she certainly looked like she was ready to duel right then and there however, Professor Mcgonagall's voice rang out telling everyone to make the most of their free time as tomorrow we were going to be tracking each other in teams.

"One day," she told Sirius with malice. "I'm going to wipe that smirk right of your face and then I'm going to laugh as I watch the life leave your eyes."

Sirius clasped his hand to his chest. "You say the sweetest things!"

With a final look of contempt, Bellatrix stalked away.

"I gotta say mate," I told Sirius in all honesty. "There are definitely worse things you could be besides a womaniser, you're like the shining light of the Black clan, are they all like that?"

Sirius smiled a little sadly. "Regulus used to have moments of clarity and my uncle is alright but other than that, pretty much. My mother is worse than Bellatrix, compared to the conversations I have with my mum, Bellatrix is quite delightful."

I looked at my best mate and saw glimpses of the broken, lost boy he'd been when he'd turned up at my door three summers ago and I knew if I didn't do something I would be in risk of losing him to the darkness that nearly consumed him back then.

"Penis!" I burst out loudly, earning a disproving look from McGonagall.

Sirius grinned broadly instantly and shook his head at me. "You're bonkers you know that?" he told me.

I nudged him in our manly affectionate way. "Let's go find Remus and Peter and explore."

"Aren't we meant to stick to our groups?"

I gave him my most mischievous smile. "Since when have we ever done what we're told?"

LILY

Have you ever had a best friend that was there for you through everything? That when you weren't sure of who you were or what was wrong with you, they were your shining light of knowledge of truth and safety? Have you ever had someone who you know would do anything for you because in a small way you were a part of their everything? Have you then had that person who has shown such great qualities fall in with the evil crowd and stand for everything your against? Suddenly your not close anymore, you have nothing in common and your nightmares are of them standing in front of you as a green light over powers every other sense. Weird right? Well try being stuck with them for free time and trying to pick apart who they were and who they are now and find the right way to act. Much, much weirder.

"Did you want to try fishing?" Severus asks me, snapping me out of my dream world. "You didn't get a chance today, I could help, make sure nothing happened to you."

"Sev, you're forgetting I'm a muggle, I've been fishing before and I never needed a wand to catch fish."

Severus grins and it makes him look younger, like when we were twelve and we'd spend the summer dreaming of being the best wizard and witch in history, the best friends ever to walk the earth.

"You think I can't do it?" I challenge.

"I think there's no weird contraption for you to use to get your fish," he replied.

Damn, he has a point.

"I'll catch them with my bare hands," I tell him, even though I know I can't.

"Alright then," he tells me. "Have at it."

"You don't think I can do it!" I accuse, although only half heartedly.

Severus gives me such an intense stare with loving smile I feel the need to blush. "If anyone could do it Lils, it would be you."

I smile at Severus brightly and find myself surprised by just how easy it is to fall back into old habits, how normal it feels to be hanging out with him. I look over at Frank who is giving us a hard stare and my heart sinks as I realise this short lived truce isn't going to last any longer than this camp.

"Ooo Severus, trying to sleep with the enemy?"

I snap to attention as Bellatrix leads her weary group over.

"Shove off Trixie," I tell her, using the nickname I know she hates.

"Shut up mudblood, you shouldn't even be looking at me, let alone talking, be grateful I'm allowing you in my presence."

"Your presence?" I barked out.

"Lily don't start ok? Bellatrix, were you after something?" Frank asked.

I stared at Severus who was staring at his feet, not bothering to stand up for me, to say anything.

"Yes blood traitor, I want Severus to tell me why he's constantly running after vermin not fit enough to even walk this planet when his place is with the superior race, us."

"Enough Bellatrix," Severus murmured.

"Oh, he does speak! Tell me Snape, are you in love with her? Does she make your heart pound faster? Is she going to be your offering to the dark lord? If I were you Severus and I actually cared for this lowlife, I'd just kill her now, it would be a much kinder fate than the one awaiting her."

"I said ENOUGH!"

Bellatrix immediately shut her mouth and stared at Severus with contempt but also respect. Severus stood hands shaking, eyes blacker than normal, glaring at Bellatrix, body turned so I was half hidden.

"I suggest you leave," he told her, voice steady despite his shaking.

Bellatrix mock bowed, drew her finger across her throat as she looked at me then cackled as she walked back out of view.

The acid taste of fury filled my mouth and I felt too warm in my clothes. The adrenaline or hate powered my body and I had the urge to find Bellatrix and wipe that smile from her face, make her bleed so I could see how pure her blood really was. If it weren't for the fact that I knew I was better than her, I would have gone after her.

Instead I pushed past Severus and began to walk back to camp, I didn't need to put up with this. I didn't stop even though Frank and Severus called my names, and evidently I wasn't watching my footing either because I stumbled over my feet and two cool hands steadied me. "Watch where you're going," Severus snapped. "I can't always be here to protect you."

"What makes you think I need your protection Severus?" I asked coolly, wrenching myself out of his grasp.

His lips turned up into a snarl. "Look at who you're consorting with now, James Potter! Are you trying to get yourself killed? He and his gang of criminals are a sure way to get kicked out of school or killed, I thought you were better than that!"

"And I thought _your_ kind didn't deign to speak to mudbloods like me, and for your information, as arrogant as they might be and as immature as their pranks are they aren't evil and would never _ever_ use magic to hurt an innocent."

"What about me? Am I not innocent?" he asked, voice getting higher and higher.

"You gave away that title the minute you decided to take on the values of death eaters," I replied.

Severus looked like I'd slapped him. "You're a fool Lily Evans, there is a war coming and you're on the wrong side. If you don't cut your ties with Potter now, you'll end up dead before thirty."

I took a step forward so we were chest to chest. "Are you threatening me?"

"I'm trying to protect you!" he wailed, grabbing my shoulders and shaking them.

"Why would you do that?" I whispered.

"You know why," he told me softly.

"No, I don't."

"YES YOU DO DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME!"

I back away from him slowly, his face is twisted in anger and pain and I can't figure out why he cares so much, why he lets me bother him, we're not even best friends anymore, so why should he care?

"Is there a problem here Mr Snape?" Professor Slughorn asked, giving me a smile.

"No, sir."

"Very well, it's a lovely day today, you should enjoy your free time," he tells us, waving us away from the camp.

"If it's free time why are we stuck in groups?" I ask suspiciously.

Professor Slughorn looked slightly flustered. "Well my dear, these are the groups you will remain in until camp is done so it made sense to get to know each other in a relaxed environment first."

"So this isn't compulsory? To stay in these groups for the rest of the day?"

"Well…not compulsory but it is certainly recommended strongly."

I give him my most winning smile. "Thanks Professor, as usual a very big help."

"Oh Miss Evans you flatter me, enjoy the day."

I wait until he's left before I turn back to Severus. "Well, this has been fun, but I'm sure you have some dark plans to fine tune and I have some friends to taint with my impure blood, so, I'll catch you around, coming Frank?"

Frank hurries along beside me, as I stalk off. For the third time I feel the cold hands on me and this time I'm not gentle in shaking them off. "What do you want? Can't you just leave me alone?" I cry out at him.

Severus stares at his shoes and I can tell it's killing him to do this, to not lose his temper with me. "I'm sorry ok?"

"You're sorry?" I ask incredulously.

"Yes. I'm sorry for what I've said to you, for what my friends say, I'm sorry for how I've treated you and I'm sorry we're not friends anymore."

I gauge his expression to see if he's being sincere. Surprisingly so, he is. "Apology accepted, now if you'll excuse me."

"I want to start fresh," he bursts out.

I say nothing, just wait for his explanation.

"You know naming the stars, making up our own spells, competing in potions, spending summers together, I miss it."

"We can't start fresh Severus, we can't act like everything is the same because it's not. I can be civil to you, I can talk to you, but I can't be your best friend, and for that I am sorry."

I walk away with Frank to find Carla and Alice and as I do I hear Severus whisper.

It almost sounds like 'I love you'


	9. Chapter 9

Whoa feels like forever since I updated I know! Life just doesn't seem to slow down, this won't be very long or probably very good, sorry but I just wanted to update at least a little for you. To everyone that favourited me or added my story, you guys are such peaches, thanks heaps!  
To The DA is dressed to the nines; I could never get sick of your sweet comments, really gives me inspiration to keep writing :D  
To .lvr; aww thank you! So sweet of you :D

To xTALANx; thanks :D I'll try to keep posting.

THANK YOU EVERYONE! Lots of love to you all xxx

CHAPTER 9

JAMES

The stars were especially bright tonight, each of the tiny pin pricks winking at me, their constant glow a comfort. I liked to believe that each star was a prankster, sending me their blessing, looking down on me, watching all our silly pranks and approving. I loved the outdoors, everything had its place and it some way made sense. I used to spend hours in summer under the stars with Sirius, neither of us would ever say a word but I reckon that it was those nights that cemented our friendship to brotherhood. When you can feel comfortable in silence and know what the other is thinking without them saying anything, it's something for life. I hoped one day Lily could be that way with me too.

"Jimmie, quit thinking about Evans and get your head in the game," Sirius hissed.

"How did you know I was thinking about Evans?" I ask, shaking my head to rid myself of her smile and failing.

"You have that look on your face," Remus told me matter of factly.

"What look?"

"The sappy one you see in the muggle movies," Peter chirped.

I shrugged my shoulders feeling my cheeks go red.

"Yeah mate, you're a walking talking chick flick cliché," Sirius tells me.

"Not exactly," I reply. "I don't have the girl."

Remus places a hand on my shoulder and I'm surprised by the contact. "That only happens in the end James, and it's not the end yet."

"God, you guys aren't gonna kiss right?" Sirius asked in disgust.

Remus immediately let me go and resumed looking at his feet and I smacked Sirius lightly. "Shut up idiot."

Sirius rubbed his shoulder then proceeded with our previous argument. "I don't get why you guys think we should postpone the prank? Since when do we need to schedule our pranks?"

"Since McGonagall and all the teachers are present and we can't hide ourselves, and we can't take our animal form in case we're caught, do you really want to face McGonagalls full wrath and Dumbledore's disappointment?" Remus asked quietly, pointing out all our little doubts.

"Well…"

"And what about Carla?" Remus continued. "You really wanna risk upsetting her and then spending time as the spurned almost lover?"

Sirius was clearly breaking but trying to find the manliest way to do so, being such a great friend I decided I'd give him a break and an escape route.

"Why don't we do something less risky and pranky but still fun?"

"Like what?" Sirius asked, pouting a little.

I whispered my plan to them quickly and with every word Sirius's face beamed and even Remus looked impressed.

"You reckon it can be done?" I ask.

Peter jumps up and down, Remus nods and Sirius jumps into my arms. "Maybe you're not completely boring afterall."

"Mr Potter!" I jumped as McGonagall boomed my name twenty minutes later.

"I didn't do it," I replied out of instinct.

"I never accused you potter, feeling guilty about something?"

"Oh no Professor, I'm just covering all bases for in advance, one day I may not get the chance to proclaim my innocence and this has made up for it."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "You may want an early night Potter, tomorrow will be draining and you're meant to be healing."

"Thanks for your concern miss, I won't be up too late, I just wanted to catch Evans before bed."

"As long as you're not going to end up falling down a cliff again I trust?"

I found myself smiling. "Professor, that would never happen, if we were going to get hurt again I'd at least be creative enough to change the circumstance, can't keep things boring and predictable."

Professor McGonagall sighed deeply. "I would have preferred you promise not to get into any trouble, not worry about being predictable in your ventures that end in injury."

I smiled as I spotted Lily and began walking away. "But Miss, I would never lie to you."

I could hear her scoff as I walked away.

"Hey stranger," I whispered in her ear.

I felt her stiffen, then relax before she turned to face me.

"Stranger? I was taught never to talk to strangers."

I grin. "Well, I'm James, nice to meet you, now we're not strangers."

Her pink lips quirked into a smile. "You're so annoying."

"Why are you smiling then?"

"I'm imagining cursing the smirk off your face,"

I heard Sirius's tell tale deep laugh and felt my smile lift. It was nearly time.

"Say what you want Evan's, but tonight is beautiful and not even your attempts at tearing me down is going to work, and despite everything you have ever said to me, I even have something for you."

Sirius joined us and we both grinned behind us at Remus and Peter who were sitting on the logs by the fire, both trying to hide excited grins.

"Sirius Black what have you done?" Carla asked, arms crossed over her chest.

Sirius gave a perfect impression of innocence and just smiled serenely at Carla who was looking more and more suspicious.

"Lovely night," he commented casually.

Now Lily crossed her arms. "So James had already noticed, just what is so beautiful about this night might I ask?"

Sirius never got a chance to answer because at that moment there was a massive boom and everyone except the four responsible and brave Lily Evans hit the ground.

"What the hell was that?" Carla asks, a sob in her throat as Sirius pulls her into his arms and nods towards the sky which now lights up.

A sword appears then bursts into flame and the words Griffindor form in the sky, lingering for a few seconds before they twist into a huge green snake which then prompts a rat, stag, wolf and dog to charge together as one to banish the snake and then form a massive pink heart and is sparking brightly, causing many oo's and ahh's from the girls in the crowd who were now cuddling up to different guys and watching the show. As rainbows and pretty creatures burst out of the sky and almost blacked out the stars, Lily actually let her into my arms for the finale. Finally the heart exploded and millions of little hearts appeared everywhere. If you looked closely on each one there were initials, the two biggest hearts had 'J.P + L.E" and 'S.B + C.F."

A few minutes more and all the hearts had disappeared and a different sound filled the air; applause.

"That was beautiful," Carla told Sirius with a smile.

"Thanks," he replied casually, but his grin was massive.

"Well?" I asked Lily. "What do you think?"

Lily shrugged. "You did ok."

I felt like she'd slapped me. "Ok?"

She leant in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and pulled away and winked. "Just ok."

I smiled brightly and pulled her into my arms again, trying to ignore Sirius and Carla swapping spit beside us. "I like ok, what if I did really good?"

Lily grinned mischievously. "Let's see if you can ever make really good."

"James Potter!" I bowed my head in defeat as I heard McGonagall and the foot steps of the other teachers heading towards us.

"Yes Professor?"

Professor Slughorn got in first. "Great display of magic that was, jolly good! Whom ever responsible will have a bright future!" he winked at us as he said this.

Professor McGonagall looked ready to slog him. "What the hell was that?" she asked me.

"I thought it was a creative light show professor," Sirius replied politely.

"I'll rephrase, what were you thinking!"

"Are you accusing us?" I asked, straight faced.

"No, Potter, accusing you would mean suspicion, I _know_ it was you and Mr Black."

"It was my idea Professor,"

Everyone looked to Remus who stood awkwardly to the side.

"Yours Mr Lupid?"

"Yes Professor, I thought we could make the most of free time."

"I helped too!" Peter chirped in.

McGonagall sighed to herself and took a few seconds to compose herself. "Thank you Mr Lupin, Mr Pettigrew, however, I think it's clear you were not the instigators, your loyalty is admirable however. I suggest we all take our leave to bed, if you think I'm impressed you boys are mistaken, had this been a real situation you would have alerted the enemy to our whereabouts."

"But Miss, we were having free time, so it's not like we were on the survival clocks."

I pulled Sirius away with a smile and nod at the Professors to prevent Sirius talking himself into anymore trouble, Lily, Carla, Peter and Remus followed.

"I thought it was really sweet," Carla proclaimed loudly, making me realize how similar her and Sirius really were.

Lily clamped her hand over Carla's mouth and smiled back at the Professors who were looking over curiously.

"Thanks babe," Sirius beamed. "Moony, trying to take the credit huh? My friend you are way to responsible to be able to shoulder blame successfully."

Remus shrugged. "I'm going to head to bed, tomorrow is going to be tiring for sure, you should do the same."

Sirius clasped Remus's cheeks with his palms and shook his face gently. "Good night dad!"

The girls each gave Remus and Peter who was following him, good night hugs, being manly, Sirius and I simply nodded.

"Well, we should probably get to bed too," Lily said sadly. "God knows what we'll end up with tomorrow, Potter, promise to stay away from me ok? I don't want to fall to my death this time."

I knew she was joking and smiled in reply. "Evans I would catch you before you hit the ground."

"How would you do that?"

Sirius held his hand to his heart and danced around us in a circle. "Love gives you wings!"

All three of us whacked him on the shoulder. "Shut up Sirius."

Sirius pushed his bottom lip put and crossed his arms. "Bring on tomorrow, anything will be better than the abuse I face here!"

LILY

This wasn't good, and quite possibly the stupidest move the teachers had ever made. I mean did they honestly think that by splitting us into groups and intermixing the houses was going to tame the fact that we were pretty much playing hunter or the hunted? And they thought we were naïve..

God my back was killing me, I'm pretty sure all my wounds have opened up again and may had even added to them and it was so uncomfortable in this too small tree with three other companions. How long had we been hiding from Bellatrix, McNair and Avery and their too scared to interfere companions who had decided that instead of playing their role of hiding they'd become those doing the seeking, and the hurting.

Twigs broke and my eyes darted to the ground underneath me, Bellatrix was there, long black hair starting to matte on her head, maniacal smile still on her face. Severus, who was so tightly pressed against me I could feel his ribs stiffened at her presence.

"Severus," she called in an annoying sing song voice. "Come out, come out wherever you are. You know we don't want to hurt you Sevvy boy, we just want you to stop being so selfish and share your little play thing."

"Do you think they've moved on?" McNair asked gruffly as he joined her.

"They can't have gone far," Avery stated, pulling at his gold bracelet on his wrist. "We're all confined to this area, they can't cross into anyone else's area until our three hours are up, or we get to the finish."

Stupid, idiot teachers, how could they truly trust hormonal, angst filled teenagers with each others safety, weren't they meant to be at least patrolling to make sure we were ok? How much longer did I have to sit here slowly bleeding out?

"Snape's probably cloaking them," McNair concluded. "He spends more time than all of us buried in spell books."

Bellatrix hit him hard across the face. "Are you insinuating Snape would betray us for the mudblood and her friends?"

"Doesn't he always?"

"He grew up with the muggle born, it's just a child hood debt he feels to look out for her, we're breaking him of that, now if you're done wasting time let's split up again and meet back here in twenty minutes."

McNair looked ready to snap back but Avery shook his head discreetly and they both stormed off.

I waited a full five minutes before they were out of view before I shoved Severus roughly.

"This is all your fault!"

He didn't reply and I shoved him so hard he nearly fell out.

"Lily!" Frank scolded. "Now is not the time!"

"Frank, we're hiding in a tree, afraid for our lives on a _school excursion_ because Severus's friends want him to prove himself. You have a cut down your neck, Bella's got a broken wrist, I'm probably bleeding out and what does he have? A hurt ego. You're loving this aren't you?" I demand to Severus who still won't meet my eyes. "I bet it was a big plan too, get on my team, gain my trust with you fake stories and offers of friendship and then as soon as you could throw me to your fellow death eaters so they can practice all their dark magic on me."

"I would never," it's barely a whisper.

"You disgust me," I reply with conviction, then look over his shoulder at Frank. "We need to signal for a teacher or something,"

"I tried before," Bella told me in a raspy voice then held up her hand. "It backfired and broke my wrist."

"They've used an anti charm," Severus explains quietly. "It's very powerful but usually only lasts an hour or so."

"You've used it before?" Frank asks.

"I created it," Severus replies.

"Figures," I snarl.

"I would never use it to hurt you, I would never intentionally hurt you," he tells me fervently.

"You're a coward," I tell him.

"I AM NOT A COWARD!" he booms until I punch him fair in the face and he falls silent.

"Great work you dolt, now they're going to come running back, another of your plans Severus?"

"I…I didn't mean…"

"Maybe you should just keep quiet," Frank tells him firmly. "You've done enough."

Frantic footsteps are getting closer and louder and I clasp Frank's hand, hoping more than anything that they will just pick on me and leave the others and that they at least don't kill me while we're in school when I can't defend myself.

Deciding I wasn't just going to sit here like a sitting duck and let them remove me from the tree I shoved Severus away and moved around to the base of the tree and then slid down, using branches to help me.

Pushing the fear down inside of me, I stood straight, fists clenched, back against the wall and tried to remember how I used to win the fights against Petunia and her friends in the summer when they got pretty rough. Wizard and Witches really did need a self defence class without wands.

The foot steps got even faster and closer and I took a deep breath as I waited for them to burst out the trees.

Imagine my surprise when James burst out, wand a blazing.

"Evans!"

"Potter?" I asked incredulously.

"Are you ok?" he asked, gently running his hands over my bruised face where Avery had thrown a log.

"How did you get here with the magic?"

He looks a bit fidgety and didn't meet my eyes as he shrugged. "I found a way to get through."

"But how did you know I was in trouble?"

"Zane Bluff from Slytherine in my team, actually a cool guy, told me he heard whispers of Bellatrix wanting to make an example of you and I came running."

"Still trying to be the hero?" I asked with a small smile.

"Who says I'm trying?" he replied, stroking his hand across my cheek.

"Why, how touching," drawled a familiar voice, I jumped back from the direction and James put himself firmly in front of me.

"I was looking for the mudblood but this is even better, does my cousin happen to be around to make it a perfect day?" Bellatrix asked, wand pointed firmly at us.

"Go to hell," I snarl.

"Manners, manners, you're being very rude. So Potter came to rescue you did he? Where is Severus for this? He'll be heart broken."

I glanced up quickly to see Severus with his hand out and pointed at James, Frank with his wand pointed at Severus and Bella crouched in a ball trying to be as small as possible.

"He abandoned us," I replied and kicked myself for protecting him. "He wanted to find you to 'regroup' or something, he wouldn't stay even when we begged."

Bellatrix grinned broadly. "Good boy, finally embracing everything that needs to be done."

James raised his wand higher and as I peeked over his shoulder I saw he was smiling brightly.

"So, shall we do this?"

Bellatrix sent a curse at us which we narrowly missed and which blew up a small bush.

"James, she's going to kill us, you shouldn't have come back!" I told him trying to push him behind me and failing.

"She's going to _try_," James replied gruffly.

Bellatrix raised her wand and before she could utter anything her wand was thrown out of her hands.

"I believe that's quite enough."

I looked over incredulously as Dumbledore stood looking ferocious and much taller than I believed him to be.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey again! Again I am so blessed and thankful for everyone that favourites and reviews my story, in particular thanks to The DA is dressed to the nines as always for being a continued source of encouragement, and Skylar Jones for also making me smile   
I truly appreciate each and every on of you. I really hope you enjoy this chapter, I put in a lot of effort this time xx

CHAPTER 10

JAMES

When I was a kid I wanted to be my dad, I thought he was the coolest person in the whole universe. I would try to dress like him, ate what he did, pretended to read the paper when he did in the morning. I would go to sleep and wish one day that I would turn out just as great as my dad and find someone as wonderful as my mum to make happy every single day and in return would make me my favourite things. Then when I was thirteen, Voldermort tried to have my dad killed for starting a 'muggles rights' group and Alastor Moody saved him at great risk to himself. From then on I wanted to be Moody and defeat evil, protect good people like my dad and make the world a better place where no one should have to be afraid to venture outside of their house. I've kept my hero worship for Moody for years, I've mucked around sure, but I've worked hard in and outside of my classes and I never allow the Slytherine's to terrorize anyone if I can help it. I never ever thought any other wizard could ever impress me as much, until now. Now I wanted to grow up to be just like Dumbledore, a kind, intelligent man with a million tricks up his sleeve. I have never been so in awe than when I he stood there, wand raised at Bellatrix, eyes burning with blue fire. I had a new hero, however I also had a new nightmare for I had seen a darkness and ferociousness to Professor Dumbledore I had never encountered before. Images flickered in my mind of Bellatrix staring defiantly at Dumbledore then fear over powering her defiance as binds wrapped around her body as she began to float towards to what I assumed was the castle with Dumbledore telling her coldly; "I'll deal with you later, I'm very disappointed in you."

My hand had gone numb, Lily was squeezing so tight and finally Dumbledore faced us; fire still in his eyes though not burning with fury as before, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Mr Potter, Miss Evans, nice to see you again, unfortunate about the circumstances. I see you both look a little worse for wear and I assure you, you will get the chance to rest up soon, before I need you to please wait for me in my office, I'll explain everything to Professor McGonagall, perhaps Mr Longbottom would like to accompany you?"

My mouth had dropped as one by one Snape, Frank and Bella were gently floating downward towards us on the ground.

"Severus, I trust you can escort Miss Knox to safety?"

Snape nodded tersely then yanked Bella away with him, not taking his eyes off Lily until the very last moment.

With another flourish of his wand, a pretty pale blue glow hovered above us, almost impatiently.

"Follow the light and it will lead you to my office, the password is 'chocolate bullet'"

Numbly we followed the light all the way to his office and so here we were, anxiously awaiting Dumbledore's return, unsure of what was going to happen or what trouble, if any, we were in.

"We're going to get expelled," Lily moaned, placing her head in her hands.

"We can't," Frank cried, "My mum is going to kill me!"

I rolled my eyed. "Lonbottom, I'm sure even if we were going to be expelled, which we're not, your mum would be angry at the suddenness of it, then get over it."

Frank shook his head. "You obviously haven't met her, with that attitude, pray you never do."

"My sister won't ever let me forget it, not even worthy enough for the 'freaks'," Lily said, head still in her hands.

"Well my mum might rave on a bit but my dad is just going to disappointed I got expelled for doing nothing wrong, it'll be a waste of talent as far as he's concerned."

Lily's head snapped up. "He won't be mad? He won't ground you for life?"

I shrug. "I have no idea what grounding is but he isn't going to be thrilled I got kicked out but he isn't going to blame me when I didn't even do anything."

Frank sighed deeply. "You're lucky then."

I smiled a little. "Not lucky, my dad is just the coolest guy in the universe."

At that, the door burst open and Dumbledore glided in with Remus, Sirius, Carla, Alice, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, Marlene McKinnon, Benjy Fenwick, Edgar Bones and a few other Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students I didn't really know the names of.

"Please, sit down," Dumbledore instructed as chairs and stools appeared for everyone to settle into.

"What an excursion!" Dumbledore began once we were all seated. "I can imagine you're all very tired and some of you very sore, I'll try not to keep you very long and then you can get some warm food and some much needed rest."

Benjy raised his hand tentatively.

"Yes Mr Fenwick?"

"We won't be going back to camp then?"

"Oh no dear boy, I believe both student and teachers alike have had quite enough. Your things are already on the way back to your dorms, consider the lost day as an early weekend. May I continue?"

Benjy blushed and nodded.

"Some of you may have began guessing," here he looked directly at me. "That this trip may have been more than it seems. You would be right, I admit it was not one of my more brilliant plans, uniting all houses to work as one, but can you blame an old man for hoping for peace?"

No one replied, so Dumbledore continued. "These are troubling times we are living in and I'm quite sure none of you are fully aware of just how dangerous things are going to become. I wish you were able to remain ignorant to the horrors of this world, however, that would only put you in even more peril than you are already in because you would not be prepared. You may ask why so few of you have been asked here and not the whole school well allow me to shed some light. First of all; you are nearing becoming of age and the end of your time at Hogwarts and I need you to be as prepared a possible before you leave, the seventh years have already had a similar talk when they were your age too. Second, some are not ready nor ever will be ready to shoulder the responsibilities and accept what is expected of them for the greater good, you have all proven yourself worthy and the best and brightest of your peers. Thirdly, I fear there are some in this school who are very aware of what is to come and have already chosen which side they wish to support. I believe these people have already begun preparing for what they hope will ultimately be a war of blood and loyalty, I would not allow you to become defenseless against them."

I shot my hand in the air.

"Ah, Mr Potter?"

"Why aren't you kicking the Slyth- I mean, those traitors out of this school?"

Dumbledore sighed and it was like he had aged another twenty years.

"I see potential in some to change, again forgive me for my hope, and I cannot show them that I am preparing to retaliate in anyway, not just yet. The best attck is surprise and secrecy to catch them off guard, which is why you cannot mention what I've said tonight to anyone, I regret to inform you that if you tried, you would find yourself forgetting what it is you were about to say."

"What do we need to do?" Fabian asked, standing up. "I'm in 100%."

We all murmured our agreement.

Dumbledore looked touched, almost to tears. "I need you to make a choice. I'm afraid it is not one to take lightly. There is surely a war coming and there will surely be casualties. The darkness is beginning to surround us, out number us and it will not be easy to discourage, however, the will to survive is strong and passion, love, friendship and self sacrifice, are all things the other side does not have or will ever understand. That is our advantage and what will eventually win this war given time. I need you to all think about this, the risk of what I'm asking you, weigh your options then beginning of your seventh year, we will have another chat and see how you're all feeling about it. I will not fault you if you choose not to take part. Until then, work hard in your classes, and perhaps help each other out outside classes too, look out for those whom are not as strong as you and always, always remember that you are all brave and talented beyond words and I am extremely proud of you."

"So we're not being expelled?" Lily asked dumbly.

"Not at all Miss Evans, I guess one might even call this a promotion."

"What if we want to join now?" Gideon asked bravely.

Dumbledore held up a hand gently. "Think hard on it, and get back to me next year. I think that's it for now, please rest up and thank you very much for you time."

Knowing a dismissal when we heard one we all filed out silently. In silence we headed to our separate houses except Frank who stayed with us, in silence we agreed we could eat later and in silence we sat in the deserted common room, letting everything sink in. How long did we stay unanimated and solemn I wasn't entirely sure, in fact it wasn't until Sirius piped up I was even aware the others were still next to me.

"So, what do you think?"

"I think I'm not allowed in here," Frank replied nervously.

Maybe it was Franks tone, maybe it was the sense on impeding doom or maybe it was all our nerves but we all laughed, hard and freely for a few minutes after this until when we stopped laughing the mood was lighter and we were all cuddled in closer to one another.

"Where is everyone?" Lily asked, sitting in the chair I was leaning my back against.

"Classes are still on for everyone else," Alice replied.

"Where is everyone from camp though?"

"Probably still packing up or eating," Carla replied this time.

"Well, wherever they are, I like the peace," Lily answered.

I really couldn't agree more. I didn't want the trip to end because that meant everything had to go back to normal. Lily would go back to ignoring or yelling at me, Sirius would go back to pretending he had no feelings and couldn't have his walls penetrated, Remus would go back to retreating with in himself and barely smiling and I would be reduced to a half life again, being someone I'm not.

"We should go to Hogsmeade tomorrow," Remus suggested randomly.

There was a beat of silence then everyone seemed to liven up.

"That sounds fun," said Alice while Frank nodded. "We could use the relaxation."

"I could do with some comfort food supplies," Carla added.

"We're kinda running low on supplies ourselves," Sirius told me with a wink.

"I just want a day without getting myself hurt," Lily said.

I smiled and replied last. "I'll go if Evans has a drink with me."

Everyone looked at Lily who seemed to be seriously considering it. "Oh why not, as long as you're buying, I'm in."

Peter burst into the common room at that moment and stopped dead when he saw us and I knew exactly what he was seeing, Sirius sitting with a girl without groping her, Remus with a grin planted firmly on his face, Lily looking relaxed mere cm's away from me and me smiling like a man who had won the lottery, like a man with everything he could ever dream of, and to be honest, I kind of felt it too.

LILY

"You did not!" I gasped as James and Sirius were telling us one of their tales of trouble they had gotten themselves in and out of.

"No, we did," Sirius told me seriously. "James had to keep his head down so they didn't know he was a guy and was making these horrible sounds, he'd even managed to give the illusion that he had a belly too so he really did look pregnant."

"And that's how you got out of using magic last summer?" Carla asked. "You didn't need a trial?"

"Trial is only if it's massively wrong, like against muggles and completely proven, all we did was try to make a couple new toys to give the Slytherine's for Christmas so when they came to check up on us I said I was trying to apparate my cousin Bellatrix to the hospital because she had some growth coming out of her and needed it removed and they bought it, hook, line and sinker."

James grinned broadly. "And the very lovely Bellatrix has quite a rep already so they didn't bother getting close enough to me to check. They did however call a Mungo's nurse for us."

I shook my head, smiling widely. "No! How did you get out of that one?"

James shrugged. "My mum happens to be a nurse and as luck should have it she was the one sent."

"Did she kill you?" I asked.

Even Sirius went pale. "You do not wanna piss off Mrs Potter, that's for sure."

James nodded in agreement. "I almost would have taken the trial she was that furious at our 'immaturity and ignorance'"

"Smart lady, I'll have to meet her," I replied jokingly.

"She'd love that," James replies. "This summer, you could come over if you wanted? Not as a date or anything, but you know, as friends, Sirius would be there and Carla can come too if it makes you feel more comfortable."

I smile at him warmly as he sweats and mumbles his way through the offer. "Potter, are you actually nervous?"

He offers me a small smile. "Previous experience has taught me the odds are not in my favour."

Sirius slings his arm around me and winks at James. "Throw the poor sod a bones Evans, if you reject him again I'll be the one who suffers, then I'll have to complain to Carla, who will complain to you, so the circle will come back to get you."

"How are you supposed to complain to Carla in the summer?" I asked suspiciously.

Sirius pulled out a piece of parchment. "I got the address, and we still have a few months of me bugging you before school ends as well."

I sigh hugely in a mock frustrated way. "Oh alright, if it means I save everyone the trouble then I'll come meet your parents Potter."

You would have thought I'd just told Potter he was the winner of a billion Galleons that's how happy he looked with what I'd said.

"It's not a date though," I remind him hastily, feeling my cheeks flush.

Big smile on his face James nods. "Oh I know Evans, just two good looking, sexually prime friends spending time together in a non romantic way."

I roll my eyes at him but my heart skips a beat. "Shut up Potter."

"Yeah James, I think it's better you quit while you're ahead," Remus tells James, shooting me a small smile.

"Why is Remus so different from you and Sirius?" I asked James curiously.

James grinned broadly and ruffled Remus's hair. "Moony here is one of a kind, what common sense me and Sirius lacks, he has in plenty. Besides, we need someone to pull us back sometimes, don't we?"

Remus smile was a bit strained. "Yeah, I'm one of a kind alright, I don't really think it's a good thing."

Sirius tapped his shoulder gently. "Oi, you're a great mate and there is nothing wrong with you except for your insistence of following rules."

This made Remus smile a bit and I found myself, not for the first time, wondering if perhaps there was any truth to Severus's claims.

Distracting me from my thought was Tyler Frost who was standing right in front of Carla, charming smile on his handsome face.

"Hey Carla, I was just wondering if you wanted to get a drink or something?"

Carla smiled, clearly flattered and glanced at Sirius before answering. "Would you mind maybe doing it later, maybe tomorrow?"

Tyler smiled brightly again. "Sure, whatever's good for you. I'll see you tonight at dinner."

"See you Tyler," Carla smiled, watching him with appreciation as he walked away.

"What was that?" Sirius asked stiffly.

"Tyler was just being friendly."

"I know exactly what he was trying to do, I meant why did you say you'd go out with him tomorrow, that's giving him false hope."

"How is it? It's just a friendly drink, I didn't think you would even care?"

"I don't," Sirius told her loftily. "I meant, you should have gone with him now, you didn't need to look at me before you answered, he's going to think there is something going on between us."

Carla's jaw actually dropped. "Excuse me?"

"Look, you're a great girl and hot as hell but I don't do girlfriends, so you should just be aware that we're not a couple and you can go give lover boy his precious drink."

"How about I give you yours!" Carla screamed throwing her butter beer in Sirius's face before stalking off.

James shook his head and clapped Sirius over the back of his head.

"What?" Sirius asked, still fuming.

I didn't wait to see wait James' answer was, I just excused myself and Alice and I hurried after her.

Half an hour later after we had split from the boys and Carla had gone and planted a big kiss right on Tyler Frost's lips we were sitting down in the court yard giggling and doing the thing girls knew how to do best; talk about boys.

"So, do you think Franks out looking for engagement rings?" Carla teased Alice.

"Do you think Sirius is?" Alice shot back.

"What are you talking about, did you not just witness his little show?" Carla demanded.

I smiled at Carla gently after exchanging a look with Alice. "He was clearly jealous, so he may have reacted badly, but it was all because I'm not sure Sirius was aware that he had a functional heart until now, or that anyone could ever get close enough to break it."

Carla scoffed and muttered something about ridiculous and impossible idiot under her breathe.

"You and James seem to be getting on better," Alice commented.

This cheered Carla up somewhat. "Yeah, going to meet his parents ooo!"

I rolled my eyes. "You're being ridiculous, we're just friends now ok? Let's move the subject away from the guys we all clearly don't want to talk about onto something else."

"I'll kill you!"

All three of our heads snapped towards the unmistakable voice of James Potter.

"Oh no," Alice murmured.

"This can't be good," I muttered as I pulled my best friends with me.

In the front of the Hogs Head Pub was Severus and James facing each wands raised, in the midst of an intense duel.

"I will not stop until you are dead," Severus hissed.

James replied by shooting a curse at Severus that knocked him dead off his feet, stalking up to Severus James pointed his wand under Severus's throat. "You will never kill me," he whispered passionately. "And you will never have her, drop your wand."

Severus reacted so quickly it was impossible to see him move, all I knew was next James was doubled over with his shoulder bleeding profusely.

"Any last words Potter?" Severus asked loudly, smug smile. "Not so smug now are you? Without your friends to back you up."

"That's enough!" I yelled, pushing past Severus to stand in front of James.

"You want to curse someone, curse me!"

Severus immediately dropped his wand. "Lily…"

"Just leave Severus, I can't even look at you."

Severus looked ready to reply then seemed to think better of it and turned quickly on his heel and slouched away.

Where the hell were Sirius and the rest?

As if in answer to my question, they all arrived looking a little torn and bloodied.

"Prongs! Are you ok? The filthy Slytherine's cornered us."

James ignored Sirius and instead was looking at me.

"Thank you."

"Don't," I spat at him. "Just don't ok? I thought you were changing and you obviously aren't. Why couldn't you just leave it be?"

"Lily…I'm sorry…he was saying stuff about you and I just…"

"Potter, shut up. I don't want your excuses. You disgust me, you and Severus both. Just do me a favour alright and leave me alone."

"But.."

"Leave. Me. Alone!" I screamed in his face.

The whole crowd went silent and the tension could be broken with a knife.

I turned away from James Potter and quickly left the scene behind me, trying to convince myself that the moisture in my eyes were not tears.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey again to everyone who takes the time to read this (seriously you guys are amazing) I'm updating quickly this time but then it means it's a little rushed, not too sure if I'm happy with it yet, but I'll leave that to you. To the people that subscribe and add my story to their list THANK YOU. Every time I see a new alert about my story my heart stops and then I feel like I'm floating, means so much. To my fabulous reviewers; without you I probably wouldn't ever get off my butt to add on, you are truly truly amazing and so kind, each and every chapter is for you. In particular, my lovely The DA is dressed to the nines, shroomy-eyes, JacobsImprintGirl (I'm a Jacob fan myself), humanbeing, and a biig thanks to Skylar Jones for helpful tips and kindness I have no words for.

xxxxx

JAMES

It was a lovers moon tonight, clear skies, bright stars and a full gleaming moon casting a pearl light on everything, creating a soft beauty. It was the kind of night where love blossomed and lovers sat at their windows yearning for the ones that completed them. I slammed the window shut, what a crock. If true love really existed in this day and age for kids our age, I had yet to see it. If there really was a happy ending for those that fight and work so hard for it, I guess I must have missed the list.

Three months, two weeks and five days of avoiding any confrontation, staying out of trouble, begging for forgiveness and working extra hard in all my classes, at this rate, I'd be made head boy next year!

Women! Why do they have to be so complex? I have done nothing but protect that…that…banshee woman and what do I get? Ungratefulness!

Thrusting the window open again I sighed. If perfection existed it would be this night.

"Prongs! You coming or what?" Sirius asked as he walked into our dorm. "You gonna stare at the moon or help Moony fight it?"

Sirius jumped towards me and mid jump morphed into his massive dog so he could lick my cheek and nip at my shirt.

"All right, I'm coming," I told him as I wiped away the drool.

Sirius trotted away, morphing back into himself as he reached the entrance.

I took one last lingering look at the night sky. Yeah, too bad perfection didn't exist.

As we reached the common room, the first thing I noticed was Lily asleep on an arm chair, curled into a tight ball, shivering slightly. Seeing her so vulnerable, I hesitated.

"Prongs, don't you dare even think about it ok? Don't you dare try to be the hero or gentleman by carrying her to the girls dorms or building a fire high for her warmth, you don't owe her anything and Moony needs you."

Making a split decision I conjured up a thick blanket and gently covered her up, making sure to tuck in the sides so air couldn't get through. Satisfied that she would be warm enough, I began to tip toe back to Sirius who was waiting at the portrait entrance, trying my best not to wake her.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked sleepily.

Damnit, totally busted!

"Going to patrol the corridors," I replied briskly.

"You're not a prefect."

"And you're not meant to be speaking to me, why don't you go back to that?" I retort.

Lily opened and shut her mouth several times then stiffly stood up, braced for a fight until she realized that a blanket had fallen off her.

"What the? Wait… did you cover me up?"

This meaningless chat, as happy as it made me in a pathetic way, was wasting time, so I needed to cut it off quick.

"Look, I have to go and you should get to bed, have a good holidays if I don't see you before then."

Ignoring her calls I strode out of the common room, hot on the heels of Sirius who was muttering obscenities under his breath.

Careful that no one saw us, we snuck out of the castle and headed to the Whomping Willow where Peter was nervously waiting. We nodded at him and with a pop he was a rat and hurried underneath to poke the knot so we could all safely get through. Following his lead Sirius changed first, then it was my turn. Whispering under my breath, visualizing the stag and focusing on instinct I felt my muscles contort and then I was standing on four legs.

Animal form was strange, every muscle was different to being human, senses were heightened, instinct was primary but unlike Remus, we remained ourselves. I could hear and understand English, my thoughts were my own, I was just now more primal, focused on my goal, instead of letting human emotion completely guide me. Poor Remus, I can't even imagine how it felt to lose yourself completely and then have to deal with the guilt, paranoia and pain once returning to human form. Also, unlike us, the change was extremely painful, and the only thing he could remember. He told me once it was like have every muscle stretched and every bone broken again and again and again. The worst things always happened to the best people.

As we reached the shrieking shack, wolf-Remus was oozing blood and losing more as he clawed himself with his razor sharp nails and ran into the walls repeatedly. Hearing us approach, he stopped, cocked an ear then started snarling.

'It's ok, we've done this before you and I,' I thought hoping he could pick up my vibes. 'We're cool.'

As wolf-Remus lunged for my throat, Sirius bit into his back thigh and dragged him away, growling deep within his throat. Forgetting me, wolf-Remus turned his attention to Sirius.

This was going to be a long night.

It had taken four fights and six hours to calm wolf-Remus down, luckily it was nearing dawn so he was now mellowing out curled up on a couch, while we all watched, on guard. So much for a perfect night. Not that I minded doing this, I would do anything for my friends, I just hated that there was nothing we could do to save him the pain. Soft padding interrupted my thoughts and using my senses I checked for danger, probably Severus with another death wish. There was definitely someone coming through the tunnel, heading right towards as, then my nose was assaulted with a scent I would know anywhere.

Lily Evans.

This was not good.

Thinking fast, I picked up Wormtail by his tail and tossed him as gently as I could down the tunnel, hoping he would forgive me once he realized Lily was in mortal peril. Ear cocked to listen for a change, I waited.

There was a surprised gasp but then a minute later the padding continued. Damnit, why couldn't Lily be a normal girl and run from rats? That girl was impossible! Having no choice, I quickly and quietly crawled down the tunnel, it wasn't long until I reached her.

"Oh! Hello pretty boy, what are you doing down here?" she crooned.

I used my antlers to push and eventually she had no choice but to crawl out the way she came. Once we reached the open air again I noticed it was just about dawn, Sirius and Peter would be dragging an exhausted, bloody Remus out soon and Lily was going to see everything. My frustration over took every other sense and I lost my grip on my form, popping right back into my human body.

Lily looked too shocked for words, so I spoke first.

"What the hell are you doing here!"

"You didn't come back, I waited for hours and hours in the common room and you didn't come back. So I had a hunch you would go where Severus always said you all disappeared to once a month, so here I am. What are _you_ doing here?"

Sirius and Peter shouldering Remus's limp body answered her question.

"Remus! Oh my god, is he ok?"

Bloody, sore and exhausted, Remus still managed to blush and look away. "s'ok."

"What happened to you?" she asked as she smoothed his hair away from his forehead.

"We've got him," Sirius told her coolly. "We don't need your help or judgment."

"Don't…tell…please," Remus gasped.

Lily looked stricken. "Of course I won't, Remus! And I'm not judging you, you're still my friend ok? Nothing's changed."

Remus managed a weak smile as Sirius and Peter carried him away.

"I should go help," I stated, hands in my pockets.

"So it's true? He's a werewolf?"

"No, he's human who just happens to be unable to socialize a couple nights a month, much like girls."

"Does Dumbledore know?"

"What do you think?" I snap. "Why else would this tree have been built?"

"Right. And you're all, animagus aren't you?" she asked, adding everything up.

"Well noted, going to dob us in now then?" I challenged.

Lily held her head high. "I would never! The secrets safe with me."

I nod tersely and begin to head to the hospital wing, Remus was going to need all the help he could get.

"Wait, let me come with you, I want to help!" Lily called.

I didn't even bother turning around to face her.

"Don't bother, we can take care of our own, and you're much better at breaking things."

I heard his gasp and a sob catch on her throat, and after six years of caring too much, I couldn't give a damn now.

LILY

As I sat on the train with Carla and Alice I was still fuming. I could not believe James Potter! He expects me to keep his little secret for him while he treats me like I've got the plague? Not on my watch! I was _not_ going to just stand by and put up with that treatment, especially when I was just trying to help! 'Better at breaking things?' oh I'll show him!

My mind wandered to Remus and how broken and tortured he'd looked, how James could turn into a stag and probably did so to look after his best friend with personal risk to himself. And after all, hadn't I been the one ignoring James? Hadn't I broken his heart again and again? The anger ebbed its way out of my body and I sighed deeply, it was impossible to hate James Potter, or even stay mad for long, when the hell had that happened?

I looked over to my two best friends and noticed that they were both looking very thoughtful too, much had changed since our talk with Dumbledore. The seventh years had been notified about our possible involvement and taken to actively seeking us out to offer advice and invite us to W.A.V.E; War Against Voldermort & Evil. We all attended and were learning just how far the war had spread and how volatile times were. Frank and Alice had stopped caring about public opinion or punishment and flaunted their love like each day was their last, the teachers appeared more helpful than usual and set us spells to learn ourselves, the marauders pulled back on the pranks to double their efforts in defense and Carla and Sirius provided a welcome distraction with their love/hate relationship.

Try as we might, nothing was exactly the same and we all knew it never would be.

"Food for thought?" I asked as the food trolley came to our compartment.

Snapping out of their thoughts, Carla and Alice managed weak smiles as we all quickly grabbed a selection and got comfy again.

"So, what's on your minds?" I asked as I bit into a pumpkin pie.

Carla shrugged. "You first."

"I was thinking that choice, or no choice we're all a part of this war now and I'm scared things will only get worse."

As one, we sighed.

Alice took a deep breath. "I was thinking yes."

"Yes?" I asked.

Slowly she raised her left hand and there shined a glistening diamond ring with sapphires.

"Oh my god!" Carla gasped and then we all started shrieking in excitement.

"Oh this is so great!" I said beaming brightly. "This is just what everyone needs! When did he ask?"

"And how?" Carla added.

"Two nights ago he told me to meet him in the Herbology gardens after dinner because we needed to talk about our future, now naturally as a girl I know that, that phrase is never good so I went as nervous as can be."

"I can imagine," Carla agreed.

"Anyway, I got there and it was so dark and Frank wasn't there so I started to panic a bit when all the lights came on, the most beautiful arrangements of flowers and plants were everywhere and Frank was kneeling in the middle holding the ring.

"Marry me," he said. "And make however long we have left worth everything. You complete me Alice and I don't ever want to wake up and not know that you're mine."

A single tear slid down my face. "Oh Alice!"

"I know, I was so overwhelmed I couldn't find any words, so he got up, put the ring on my finger so I could 'see how it feels', then he told me to take my time and that he would wait forever for me, then he kissed me."

"I'm so glad I'm sitting down," Carla giggled. "It's not even me and my knees are weak!"

Alice smiled and it lit her whole face up. "I know, I'm the luckiest girl ever."

"Wait, have you told Frank yet?" I asked.

Alice shook her head. "Not yet…"

"Well, why wait? Let's go find him!"

"What if he's changed his mind?"

Carla rolled her eyes and yanked Alice up. "Somehow the ring on your finger tells me he hasn't, now let's go!"

Full of excitement that we hadn't felt in months we set off to find Frank, giggling like the carefree school girls we would probably never be again. Surprisingly and ironically Frank was sitting with the marauders.

Peter was no where to be seen, Remus was pale and sweaty as he slept, his head on James' shoulder, who was reading, and Sirius and Frank were playing exploding snap.

Realising, they weren't alone, three sets of eyes focused on us standing at the door.

"Alice!" cried Frank. "Are you ok love, what's happened?"

Alice, tears in her eyes smiled brightly at Frank and held up her left hand like she'd done for us. "I say yes."

Knocking all the cards and Sirius over Frank ran to Alice and swept her up into his arms kissing her and laughing and spinning her around.

"Really?"

"Really, really."

"Oh this is the best day ever! Blokes, we're getting married!"

Sirius, the play boy of the school, roared in delight and hugged both Alice and Frank jumping up and down. "That's so great! Congratulations! I'm planning the bucks night!"

Alice giggled and pecked Sirius on the cheek. "We'll see about that."

James smiled at Frank and Alice and raised his butter beer in a toast and Remus continued sleeping, but with a bit of a smile on his face.

"Wait! What time is it?" Carla asked.

"We're close to arriving," I replied. "Why?"

"Shit! I was going to see Tyler before we got to the station to say goodbye," she eyed Sirius who was no longer smiling. "I'd better go now, I'll be back soon babe, congrats to you both!"

"Just wait a minute here woman!" Sirius called, stopping Carla dead in her tracks. "I want a word with you!"

Carla popped her hip out, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Just one word? Or several?"

"Shut up and listen here ok?"

Carla was stunned into silence.

"You are the most irritating, overly emotional, mind ninja I have ever met and my life was less complicated without you in it."

Carla's hand twitched and hurt actually crossed her face before she could stop it. "Is that it? Well, I'm off then.."

"I'm not done yet! As I was saying, I think you're bloody bonkers and a huge annoyance in my life, but…I can't stop thinking about you, and I would rather fight with you, than have any of the other girls love me."

We all stood, mouths gaping open at Sirius's declaration.

"So um…you can just go now," he finished lamely.

"Sirius Black," Carla began, raising her hand. "Come here."

Pulling Sirius close to her Carla locked her lips with his and as happy as I was for my friends, all this emotion was beginning to bring me down, quickly slipping out of the carriage, I pressed myself up against the wall and took deep breaths.

Doomed to be alone, that's what I was, even Sirius Black was capable of love in his own way.

"Running from love again?"

I opened my eyes to see James staring at me.

"I just needed some fresh air," I replied.

"You're a liar," he told me matter of factly. "But that's your business, not mine."

"What are you doing out here?" I demanded.

"Getting some fresh air," he replied mockingly.

"Look, I know these past few months I haven't been entirely fair and I'm sorry but…"

James pressed a hand over my lips. "Don't. Just don't Evans. Whatever you're selling, I'm not buying. What's done is done."

He turned to walk away and anger boiled in my veins. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" I yelled. "Don't walk away from me! You're being a coward! God, here I was trying to apologise to you because I felt bad about hurting you, here I was thinking I was wrong and willing to try and make it up to you and you're just too pig headed to even hear me out!"

Without warning James spun around and slammed me up against the wall.

"Evans, for once in your life, just shut up," he whispered before his lips were on mine, in no means gentle, forcing my lips open so his tongue could capture mine. Pressing his body so close to me I couldn't tell where I ended and he began.

His hands were rough in my hair and on my waist, pinning me to the wall and close to him at the same time. I felt hot, like I had a fever, passion crushing any sensibility I had and then I was responding, pushing my hands up his shirt and feeling the contours of his body. He felt perfect and my body responded to every touch, like I was created for this, like we were each born as one half of a whole. This was so wrong, this was for all the wrong reasons, but it felt so good, too good for me to even think about stopping.

The train came to an abrupt stop and I nearly slid down the wall when James pulled his lips away from mine and loosened his hold.

"Platform nine and three quarters! Please gather your trunks and prepare to depart!"

James grinned as the announcement finished.

"Have a good summer Evans, I'll call you."

"You don't have a phone," I whispered, pressing my fingers to my swollen lips.

"Then I guess this time, you'll do the waiting," he told me as he disengaged him from mine, fixed his shirt up and began to walk away, slight skip in his step.

For the first time ever, I was seeing James Potter in a completely different light, my pulse was pounding hard and fast and as he walked away, I felt my heart ache with every step he took away from me.


	12. Chapter 12

Whoa Chapter 12 already, for something that just started as random conversations in my head that's amazing. It humbles me to see how many people care about my little story; thank you just doesn't seem to express it enough! I got a bit of writers block this time and just threw this together and babbled a bit so I'm really sorry if it's not up to par! To my lovely reviewers;

SilverSkyPrincess; Thanks precious, means a lot!

Pottor06; thank you, it was my favourite part too, about time James got back!

JacobsImprintGirl; Aww I'm so glad someone else has the same vision of it that I have. Thank YOU for reading :D

Opa12: Thank you! Haha it was about time James got something!

Skylar Jones: As always thank you thank you thank you! Hopefully you enjoy James and his new found confidence this chapter too.

Ellie 3: Thanks munchkin :D so glad you enjoy it :D

The DA is dressed to the nines: Thanks again my dear  I thought you especially would enjoy the kiss. I'll try to give you more James moments :D

JAMES

I was running, fast and like my life depended on it, I looked down and saw my hand bleeding profusely and grit my teeth. My life _did_ depend on it.

"Are we done playing games yet Potter?" drawled a cruel voice.

I tried to run faster, my legs starting to burn from the effort exerted.

A scream pierced the air and I stopped, fear coursing through my veins, fear for someone else.

"Are we done playing games yet Potter?" the voice repeated. "Or should I just go ahead and kill your girlfriend?"

"NO!"

I shot out of bed right into the arms of my mum.

"Jimmy, are you ok sweetheart? You've been screaming in your sleep all summer, do you think we need to call someone to help?"

I felt like I was six again as I crawled into my mums arms and let her rub my back, hold me close and lie to me and tell me everything was going to be ok.

After my nightmare I went outside to my favourite place in the world. I climbed up the make shift steps and lay on the surprisingly comfy wooden floors. I loved this place, I loved that it still smelt of my childhood; sweet and untainted.

I can't still remember the day my dad finished it.

"What is it dad?" I asked.

"This is your magical fort," he told me. "Nothing can go wrong when you're here, it's a place to escape to Jimmy, a place of beauty and a place to be whoever you want."

In truth it was just a tree house, with a telescope, secret rooms, slide and furnished with bean bags, toys, old broom sticks and posters of my favourite teams. Despite the normalcy of it all, that place meant everything to me. Every time I needed clarity or the world got too much, I came here and lost myself in the innocence of my childhood.

"Sweetheart I made pancakes, your favourite with chocolate!"

I poked my head out of the window. "Thanks Sirius!"

Sirius blew me a kiss and I had to laugh at his ridiculous bright pink apron. "You're an idiot."

"Love you too precious," he called back.

I pushed myself down the slide and began racing him inside.

"Boys! No running in the house!" My mum scolded as she poured us all some orange juice.

My dad came in and wrapped his arms around my mum. "You're so sexy when you're serious."

Nuzzling into her neck and nibbling on her ear he winked at us.

"Harold! Not in front of the boys!" Mum told him, trying to push him off and hide a smile at the same time.

"We're among men now Claire, they understand."

Sirius raised his hand for a high five. "I _so_ understand Harold!"

Dad grinned and slapped Sirius's hand. "I hear you've caved in and joined the monogamy club."

Sirius paled, then went red. "Who told you that?"

"Your face just did and the owls you send pretty much every day are also a big give away."

Together me and dad cracked the whip.

Sirius snorted. "You Potter men shouldn't talk, you're as under the thumb as it gets."

Dad let go of mum to sling an arm around Sirius's shoulder. "We're not the ones with the problem admitting it, so it doesn't matter as much."

Scowling, Sirius sat back down and began stabbing his pancakes.

"Enough boys, if Sirius doesn't want to admit he's got the puppy eyes then that's fine. Onto more pressing issues, your father and I have some news for you."

My eyes widened. "You're not going to tell me you're pregnant right? Cause the theory behind that is disgusting."

Dad pumped his fist in the air. "Fifty five and still alive my boy, you can't stop the Harold H-"

Luckily I was spared from the mental image as my mum clamped her hand over his mouth. "What your father is trying to get at is that we're taking a cruise next week for a second honeymoon and will be gone for a month."

Sirius face lit up and I could practically hear him chanting 'party, party, party!'

My mum obviously heard this too because she pointed an accusing finger at us both. "We're trusting you not to throw any wild parties, we'll be going with quite a few friends of ours and I don't want to have to explain to them why their child was found drunk and disorderly on the way home from our house."

"Honey, the boys are more responsible than that," dad told her with a smirk at us. "Why don't you start packing? You know how long it takes you to figure out what to bring."

Mum sighed, "I suppose I should call Tabitha and check what she's planning to pack, I might send an owl now…"

Giving us each a kiss on the forehead she wandered off to do her woman thing.

As soon as she was out of ear shot dad turned to us. "Now, I'm not as naïve as your mother, I know that you're going to have a party, I know that you're going to be drinking stronger than butter beer and I know you'll be inviting girls over so here's the rules; you make sure when we get back everything is as tidy as when we left with nothing broken, you only invite those you trust not to demolish the house to come over, no one ends up in St Mungo's from drinking too much and the sexual activity is kept out of your mother and my bedroom, am I clear?"

I nodded and Sirius stared at my dad in disbelief.

"Good, well I best get to work if I ever hope to pay for the new wardrobe your mother is bound to buy for this trip. Have fun!"

With a loud crack he was gone and Sirius turned to me, strange look on his face. "Prongs, your dad…is the coolest person in this whole universe!"

I grinned broadly. "I know right?"

"Well, eat up! We have so much to do, who are we going to invite? Wormtail is away with him mum all summer so he's out, Moony will definitely be there, Frank, Alice, the Quidditch boys…"

"Carla?" I asked innocently.

"Yeah of course she'll be there! As if I'm not going to invite my girl…" A look of horror crossed Sirius's face and he slapped his hand over his mouth.

"Your girlfriend?" I grinned.

"Shut up," he told me, eyes darkening. "If you tell _anyone_ I swear you will never want to fall asleep again."

I waved his threats away. "Yeah, yeah, your secret is safe with me, although you may want to let Carla know she's your girlfriend so she's knows she's off the market."

"Don't say that word!" Sirius hissed.

I smirked. "Yes sir!"

"Anyway, if Carla comes, Evans definitely will so you going to be ok with that?"

I though of the last time I saw Lily and a big grin crossed my face as I remembered her ragged breathing and the power I had over her. "That's completely fine."

"You're not gonna spend all night moping over her are you?"

"Are we inviting other girls?" I replied.

"Yeah, of course."

"Then I'll be too distracted to even notice she's there."

Sirius looked shocked again, then the horrified look replaced it. "Oh no! We've switched! You infected me with your disease!"

I smiled at my best friend. "They're called feelings Sirius, every human being has them, you're just a late bloomer."

"It sucks, feeling things," he sulked.

I thought of my past six years of failures. "Yes it does, maybe you'll have better luck."

Sirius shook himself as if to rid himself of his new found feelings. "Enough of this girly crap, back to the party! We need to owl Remus right away so we can argue with him about the moral thing to do, I _love_ it when he pulls the moral card out!"

I shook my head as Sirius practically skipped out of the room to find his owl. Feelings or no feelings, Sirius would always be Sirius, and it was my greatest comfort in life knowing that one thing at least would never change.

"Sirius for the last time we are _not_ hiring muggle dancers for the party!" Remus told Sirius heatedly three days later.

"Moony, they aren't just ordinary dancers, the add says they're _exotic_ dancers, aren't you the one always telling us that we need to be more open minded about other cultures?" Sirius replied.

Remus swatted him over the head. "Do you even know what that term means?"

"Of course I know what culture is Remus, I'm not that dumb!"

"Not culture you twat, _exotic dancers_!"

"It means they're from somewhere exotic Remus, god, can't you read?"

I sat there trying to hold in my laughter at their ridiculous argument and found myself unable to help myself once Remus explained the term properly.

"They what! Man, muggle guys have all the fun!"

"Not too sure Carla would appreciate half dressed women being present," I told Sirius as I hid anything breakable in the bottom closet so I didn't provoke my mum's wrath.

"She's already dealing with half the party of girls that are going that have already had the 'Sirius Experience'" Remus added.

Sirius sighed and bowed his head. "Feelings really, _really_ suck you guys!"

I gave him a brief one armed hug. "Preaching to the choir my friend, now do we provide food or not?"

"Yes on the food," Remus replied as he continued to write out invites. "The girls are going to need all the help they can get on not being sick."

I ticked it off on my list then sat back. "That's pretty much everything."

"Are you kidding?" Serious gasped. "We still haven't discussed the most _important_ thing yet!"

"Which is?" I enquired.

"The getting lucky system!"

"The what now?

"The getting lucky system, honestly Prongs, you have so much to learn! Basically we need to work out our own system for when we don't want to be disturbed, so we all know not to interrupt."

"Padfoot, I'm pretty sure a closed door says it all," I replied.

"Not necessarily, what if someone doesn't see you go into the room and tries to scope it out for themselves? Awkward. So I propose we leave our tie on the door so everyone knows that it's not a good time to interrupt. Does that sound good?"

Remus and I shrug as one, did it even matter? It wasn't like either of us were planning to get lucky, and knowing Carla, Sirius shouldn't expect it either.

"Awesome! This is going to be so great guys, this is going to be the party that makes or breaks this summer, everyone who is everyone will be coming and it's going to pave the way for our last year!"

I rolled my eyes. "You're not going to give us a speech again are you?"

Sirius slammed his fire whisky down on the table. "One day you'll learn to appreciate me," he told us sullenly. "One day you'll be begging for my advice and life time knowledge! One day you're going to need to find out about how to impress girls or look amazing and I won't help you!"

We waited until he had stormed out and then Remus and laughed harder than we had ever laughed all year.

LILY

James Potter. James Potter. Potter. Potter. James. Potter.

Damn him! I had not stopped thinking about him all summer. It had been three weeks and I could still feel his lips pressed against mine, could still smell his scent, lingering in the air, still feel my heart beat too fast for my chest. God his lips were perfect, I had never been kissed like that, I didn't even know I _could_ be kissed like that. James Potter had changed me. I saw everything different now, life had more beauty, couples that had irritated me, I now found endearing. Instead of getting lost in my books, I was now lost in day dreams of James shoving me against a wall and taking our kiss further.

Damn him twice!

This was exactly why I never allowed myself to get close to any guys, this was exactly why I only had a few friends I let into my walls. Love just complicated everything! Wait, love? God I was really losing it, clearly I'd been lying out in the sun for too long or something because my brain was obviously getting fried. How was it possible I loved James Potter? Simple answer. It wasn't possible. I was just getting my self caught up in the fantasy of that extremely hot, body and soul changing kiss… Stop it Lily! Pull yourself together!

"What is she doing lying in the flower bed?" grunted Petunia's boyfriend Vernon asked.

I could practically see Petunia's horsey face going bright red in humiliation. "She's a freak, just ignore her. She's not right in the head, sad really. I keep telling mum and dad we should have her put down so she doesn't need to live like this."

Vernon guffawed.

"Put down?" I asked acidly.

"Yes," she replied coolly, using her hand to exaggerate her words. "You know like a dog?"

Vernon's fat face turned upwards as he smiled. "My sister breeds dogs, she reckons you gotta kill out the bad blood, other wise they just taint the blood lines."

My mouth dropped. "Are you insinuating that I should be culled like an animal?"

Vernon sneered at me. "All I'm saying that if there's something wrong with the bitch, the whole litter is worthless, you're not planning on having kids right?"

Without thinking I pulled out my wand and pointed it at him, not realizing Vernon started to laugh.

"See that Pet? She thinks a little stick is going to scare me."

Petunia wasn't listening, because she _did_ look scared. "You promised mum," she whispered.

"Mum's not home," I replied, gripping my wand tighter. "So for her sake I'm going to give you to three to fuck off, other wise, I think poor Vernon here might find himself in need of his sister's care."

I didn't even get to start counting, that's how fast Petunia pulled Vernon into the house. I chuckled to myself quietly, who knew he could even move that fast?

"You should have jinxed him," a quiet voice behind me said.

I spun around to find Severus leaning against the side of our tree.

"Are you _spying_ on me?" I asked.

"No, I was just in the neighborhood," he replied with a little smile. "Thought I might come say hi, so hi."

"Well, mission accomplished, you can leave now," I told him as I began to walk away.

"No wait! I just want to talk to you!"

I spun around. "Well I don't want to talk to you! I told you, you're pathetic, you won't ever change and you killed our friendship the moment you decided where your loyalties lie."

"God, can't you see I'm trying to look after you?" he almost yelled.

"Can't you see I don't need you?" I shouted back. "You deliberately start fights with the marauders so that I'm forced to try and take sides between you, you and your little death eaters make anyone who isn't pure blood wish they had never been born and ashamed of their heritage, you tossed me away as easy as you throw the word mudblood around. I. Do. Not. Want. You. Near. Me. Get it?"

Severus actually looked like he was crying, if that was at all possible.

"Goodbye Sev," I told him softly as I began to walk away. "Enjoy your summer, life, whatever."

I run inside and throw myself on my bed and just cry, for minutes, hours I don't even know. I try and rip any root Severus Snape had planted inside me, bit by bit.

No one ever tells you goodbye hurts so much, even when it's what you choose.

I feel numb when I wake up and I wonder if I'll ever smile again. I hate summers. My parents are always working which means Petunia constantly has her obnoxious boyfriend over and I'm trapped in my room to escape them. My only glimmers of hope are the letters Alice and Carla send me. I look to the sky every day in hopes I'll see one of their owls flying towards my window, sometimes I wait for hours.

Today is a good day because as I look out my window half heartedly, Carla's brown and black owl is waiting impatiently at my window. I eagerly open my window to let the bird in, placing a dish of water in front of the beautiful bird as I read the letter.

**Lil,**

**I think you've had enough of solitary confinement, I know I have! Alice has invited us to stay with her for the next two weeks since her parents are going away on a trip and she doesn't want to be home alone, and after her recent engagement news they're having the neighbours make sure Frank doesn't come for sleep over's haha can you believe they're still naïve enough to believe that nosey neighbours have ever stopped them? Anyway, we're picking you up tonight at nine (sorry for the short notice, apparently Charcoal has had some trouble getting letters to you? Maybe ask your sister?) So you're going to have to do some quick talking with your parents because no is not an option. **

**I miss you like crazy! Can't wait to see you! Make sure you pack a lot, who knows what Alice will have us doing.**

**Love always Carla xxx**

**P.S We're going to a party tonight. I have a feeling you're going to want to dress to impress, hint hint.**

I re read the letter three times, a nervous excitement filling my body as I can only assume the party would involve James Potter, before I call my mum and fill her in on the plans.

"That's wonderful darling, so great that you've made such good friends, make sure your chores are done before you go though."

I agree and rush her off the phone so I can dig through my wardrobe and maybe steal something of Petunia's, I had to look nothing less than perfect.

"Whoa! You look absolutely stunning!" Carla tells me as I open the door later that night.

"You can talk," I reply, raking her in. She's in a pretty black mini dress that compliments her jet black shiny hair that is sleek and straight around her face.

Carla shrugs. "I have like, five million girls to be compared to so I have to look nice. You should wear green and dresses more often, I'm a girl and I want to maul you."

I giggled at her and shook my mane of curls. "You're being ridiculous, shall we go?"

Carla offered her arm, which I took as I lugged my trunk behind me. "We shall indeed, we have a party to completely rock!"

Arm in arm we skipped to the car where Alice was sitting, wearing a cute skirt with baby pink sparkly top, hair pinned up with loose curls framing her face.

"Woo Alice, Frank is going to take one look at you and we won't be able to see you for the rest of the night," I told her as I got in the car.

Alice blushed slightly. "You look great too, James is going to die!"

I froze and didn't reply. How the hell was I supposed to act around James now? Was I nice? Did I ignore him? Hug him hello? Slam _him_ against a wall for a kiss to leave him breathless? Feelings sucked!

It was Remus who greeted us, eyes lingering on my outfit for a few moments too long before he wrapped me in his embrace.

"You all look beautiful!" he gushed.

"You're drunk," Carla replied.

Remus smiled and I'd never seen him look so carefree. "Don't tell anyone."

We stepped into James' home and I was struck by how big and beautiful it was. Each room had a different colour scheme that was funky yet classy at the same time, and there were photo's everywhere or James, his parents and surprisingly Sirius too.

"Baby!" Sirius slurred, pushing past two admirers to scoop Carla into his arms. "You look good enough to eat!"

Carla rolled her eyes. "You look drunk enough for the both of us."

"Nonsense! You just need to catch up, here I'll make you something good and pretty, just like you! Evans, Alice you want one too?"

We both nodded and followed him to a massive kitchen where every surface was covered in alcohol magical and muggle alike. They even had those red cups, I felt like I was in a teen college movie.

Surprisingly Sirius made good drinks, and was a very good host, always making sure we were comfortable, had something to drink, enough to eat and even brought us a blanket when we started to get cold.

It was actually a pretty fun party, almost everyone from our year that was worth talking to was there, even Zane who was a Slytherine was invited. My mini, cleavage showing dress seemed to be a hit with all the boys too, I couldn't even count the number of guys who offered to get me a drink, lend me their jacket or dance with me. This time last year I would have relished in the attention, but now? I couldn't even see their faces clearly because I was only looking for the one boy I had yet to see tonight.

"He's outside," Remus told me as he plonked onto the couch.

"Who is?" I asked, hoping it wasn't too obvious that I had been on edge all night looking for James.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to lie to me, I may be a werewolf, but I'm not clueless."

It was the first time I had ever heard Remus admit it, I had a feeling it was probably the first or second time he had ever said it aloud.

"I'm sorry I followed you that night," I told him, my head starting to feel a bit heavy as I drained my glass.

Remus refilled it as he spoke. "It's ok, can't really expect to hide it forever can I? It's a part of who I am now."

"I'm sorry," I told him honestly.

"Don't be," he replied. "Everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not clear at first, eventually it will be."

"James, Sirius and Peter became animagi to help you didn't they?"

Remus nodded and took a shot.

"Don't you ever get scared?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Every single day," he told me with brutal honesty. "I hate myself for the danger I put them in, that I'm going to continue putting them in. But they won't stop doing it, and I'm selfish enough to let them continue. Guess I really am a monster huh?"

I wrapped my arms around Remus and smoothed his hair away from is forehead again. "Not at all Remus, they love you and it's their choice and I know you would do it for them. Try not to hate yourself; that would be like me hating myself for putting my friend in danger by hanging out with a mudblood."

"Lily! That's not your fault!"

I smiled gently at Remus. "And this isn't either. Those that care don't matter Remus and those that truly matter to you, won't care, I promise."

Remus smiled and he seemed to relax a bit. "Thank you."

From the corner of my eye I say untidy black hair outside, moving from my view.

"Excuse me." I told Remus as I hurried outside.

I got to where I thought I saw James and found myself alone.

I sighed in defeat and was just about to leave when two hands covered my eyes and pulled me back. "Looking for something?"

God he smelt so good. "I was…I needed fresh air."

"Liar," he whispered into my ear and I shivered at the closeness.

"W-what are you doing out here?"

"Playing hide and seek with you apparently."

His hands trailed little circles on my hips and his hot, sweet breath was against my neck.

"Don't you think we should talk?" I whispered.

"What's there to talk about?" he replied, nipping my ear a little bit.

"The train," I murmured, trying to focus.

Rough hands spun me around so I was facing him. "Are you going to tell me you regret it Evans? That I shouldn't have kissed you? That you didn't enjoy it?"

My heart was beating dangerously fast in my chest and I felt tingles in places I wasn't sure was normal. No, no, no I wanted to tell him. Kiss me again so I never forget, I want to feel alive.

"This is wrong," I finally told him.

James crushed himself to me, and all I could feel was him. He was drunk, I knew that, I could smell it on his breath and this wasn't how I wanted it to go, this isn't where I wanted anything to happen either, I wanted it to be special, because I was beginning to realize James Potter was special to me. I should walk away, I should walk away right now, but he was warm, and I was cold, so cold to the bone and deep down I think I needed this.

"You're a liar," he told me softly and then without warning the warmth was ripped away and James was starting to leave.

Instinct kicked in and I pulled him back and pressed my lips against his, this time taking control as he was too shocked or maybe too drunk to react straight away. It didn't take long however before he was pressing me back towards the side of his house and was kissing me over and over again. How did anyone ever stop kissing if it felt this good? How did anyone ever get any work done?

"James," I whispered and he stopped immediately.

"What's wrong? Do you want me to stop?"

Yes. Maybe. No. Definitely not.

Sirius saved me from replying. "Prongs! I need you!"

Looking torn for a moment James shut his eyes and actually counted to ten.

"I better go," he told me. "Sirius needs me."

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"You look beautiful Evans," he told me sincerely. "Then again, you always are."

He didn't wait for a reply; he just strode off. I slid down the wall and began to feel sorry for all the times I ever walked out on James and didn't care about what state I left him in. If my leaving him hurt him as much as him leaving hurt me, then he definitely needed a medal.

I sighed deeply and decided to look for Carla. Life had just gotten really complicated.


	13. Chapter 13

As always I have so many people to thank for their continued support, the lovely subscribers :D and my loyal reviewers to whom I owe every update to :D in particular lots of cuddles and rainbows to The DA is dressed to the nines who has always been a favourite reviewer of mine, Skylar Jones, Pottor06, Opa12, .lvr, JacobsImprintGirl, Ellie 3 and Delightfulsmiles.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU  
XXX

JAMES

"Sirius, whatever you want it had better be damn good," I told him gruffly as I tried to forget how great Lily felt pressed against me.

Sirius snickered. "Why? It's not like you were snogging Evans and I ruined it."

He stopped smiling immediately when he saw the look on my face.

"You kissed Evans!"

Carla sprung up from Sirius's lap. "Where is she?"

"Outside."

Carla ran off, grabbing Alice away from a very wandering hands Frank.

"Moony! Get in here?"

Remus raised as eyebrow and poked Sirius. "I've been sitting next to you the whole time."

"Oh, well did you hear Prongs kissed Evans?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "As I said, I was sitting right here."

"I can't believe you finally kissed Evans for the first time and you're not doing a victory lap or something," Sirius tells me.

"First of all, a victory lap? And second of all, I kissed her on the train as we were leaving too."

Sirius jumped up and actually looked hurt. "And you call yourself my best friend! How did you forget to mention this to me for the past month?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't a big deal, it was just a kiss."

"Just a kiss? This is Lily Evans Prongs!"

I had to smile at this. "I know Sirius, I did notice that when I kissed her."

"But you've been in love with her before we even hit puberty!"

I took deep breaths to calm myself down and try to form coherent thoughts through the alcoholic fog. Why couldn't everyone just let it go? The least helpful thing would be attention to this…situation.

"It was no big deal ok?" I told him. "Just kissing."

Sirius placed him palm on my shoulder, in a fatherly gesture. "Jimmy, you can't just go around kissing girls and expect them to think it's not a big deal, believe me I would know."

I shrugged out of his grasp. "Sirius I can almost guarantee you it means nothing to Evans ok?"

Sirius crossed his arms unconvinced. "You don't look bruised."

"What? Why would I have bruises?"

"Because Evans would have punched you normally, did she hit you?"

"No…"

"Did you force her against her will?

"What the fuck do you think? I would never!"

"So she didn't hit you, didn't struggle so must have been willing? Sounds like she wanted it as bad as you then, especially since she let you kiss her twice."

"What? No! I just…argh! You've been learning mind tricks from Carla!" I burst out.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look; pity. Great, I finally get the courage to kiss Lily Evans and my friends can't even be happy for me. Didn't they get that I wasn't sure I even _wanted_ it to mean anything.

"Do you erm… want to about it or something?" Sirius asked awkwardly. "We could uh…go for a walk and you could tell us all about it."

This was almost laughable, for six years they've done everything they could to shut me up about Lily and now when I needed to keep it to myself, they wanted to get in touch with feelings.

"I don't know about you, but I need another drink," I told them, grabbing a bottle of muggle beer and heading to the lounge room to mellow out with some friends.

"I can't believe Alice and Frank," Skye was exclaiming to Zane. "How do they even know they're going to be in love in like, five years?"

"How do _you_ even know you'll be alive in two years?" I asked.

Skye looked lost. "Well…I…"

"You don't, no one does, so why not? May as well take risks, make mistakes and fall in love while we can. Besides, I think it's great that they're bringing a little cheer to the world when we're going to need it the most."

Frank, who was sitting across from the room, raised his bottle in a toast.

"When's the big day?" I asked, chugging down the beer.

"Alice is planning the engagement party with the girls for this summer and we're hoping for Christmas holidays for the wedding maybe, I honestly don't care, she just needs to tell me where to show up and what to wear, and I'll be there. I want the perfect wedding for her.

I drained the last of the beer and excused myself, as happy as I was for Frank, I needed space away from the blissfully in love because the more I realized how badly I wanted what he and Alice had, the more it began to dawn on me that it wasn't going to be likely. Gah! I was such a kill joy, even _I_ was sick of hearing myself moan. I went into the kitchen in search of something a little stronger than beer, because tonight I didn't want to feel anything, tonight I wanted to be free.

I was flying, and it felt good. It felt better than good, it felt _right_. This was where I belong, with the wind whipping through my hair, the world below me and the stars looking close enough to touch. If I could remain a bird my whole life, I would. Maybe I'd see if I could start changing into an owl, how awesome would that be! I could deliver my own letters!

I start giggling to myself, not caring if it sounded girly.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped a foot in the air and then landed on a soft surface. I looked to where the voice came from and saw three Syndils twirling around each other.

"I'm flying," I told her, like it wasn't the most obvious thing ever.

Now Syndil giggled. "James, you're lying on your bed with the fan on, arms spread wide, reaching for the glowing stars above you, which are adorable by the way."

"What?"

I focused on my surroundings and found I was actually in my bed and without a shirt. Huh. Weird.

"Why are you here?" I managed.

Syndil smiles seductively and walks towards me, skirt riding up. "The party wasn't fun so I came up here to look for you." She paused and crawled towards me on the bed. "Found you."

Deep within the fogginess of my brain I knew that I should probably tell her to go, I knew this wasn't a very good idea and that I would live to regret it later, but as much as I knew all of this, I still allowed her to straddle my hips and run her hands through my hair.

"So soft," she murmured as she traced a finger across my lips. "Do you taste good too?"

Her lips captured mine and all I needed to do was press my lips against hers lightly and she seemed to click, clutching me so hard that I felt her nails dig into my cheek and shoulder.

I had gotten my wish tonight; I felt nothing. I felt no warmth, no fire, and no excitement. I was numb and free from all emotions and the ability to care about consequences.

The door burst open and there was Sirius, mouth hanging open.

"Dude! You forgot the tie rule; I _told_ you it was necessary! Don't worry, I'll let you one of mine."

He quickly shut the door than moments later opened it again. "Just checking I wasn't hallucinating, doing great by the way, carry on!" With a thumbs up he was gone again, taking the light and warmth of the party with him.

Syndil giggled. "So, where were we?"

I blinked my view into focus; Syndil was beautiful without a doubt. She had glossy blonde hair, rich brown eyes and a model's body of all muscles and angles. She was beautiful, she was willing and I felt nothing.

"Let's go," I told her, gently pushing her off me. "We're missing the party."

Her hands looped into my belt buckle. "Are you sure you don't want to stay here?"

I unhooked her hands, threw a shirt on and moved across the room. "We're missing the party," I repeated as I held the door open for her.

Syndil raised her eyebrows and shook her head while she got herself together. "Lucky girl."

"Huh?"

"I said she's a lucky girl, for you to be so devoted."

"Who is?" I asked.

Syndil shot me an 'are you kidding me?' look and slid past me out of the room. I shut the door behind me, noticing that there was a bright blue tie slung over it then I took a deep breath and followed.

As we got down stairs it seemed almost everyone was gathered in our games room, sitting in a circle around a bottle. How peculiar.

Sirius spotted me and crossed the room at a near jog. "That was quick, I didn't interrupt did I?"

I shook my head. "No, it's good."

"So…are you a man?"

I knew exactly what he was implying and felt myself blush as I shook my head again.

Sirius shot me a look of pity again and then as he looked away his eyes lit up and I knew it could only mean trouble.

"Evans!"

Oh no.

Lily looked surprised and wearily made her way across the room, I focused on my shoes. I'd thrown up already?

"What is it Sirius?"

"You're muggle born right?"

"Only for the past sixteen years."

"Awesome, well then you'll know this game, I think its called spinning bottle."

Lily began to pale. "Spin the bottle."

"Right, spin the bottle, well I thought since you were familiar with it, we could start with you. Don't worry, you don't have to do the kissing thing that Swift was talking about, you can do the truth or dare option, would you be ok with that?"

Now very red, Lily nodded.

Sirius clapped his hands together in excitement. "Excellent! Let's get started! Come through."

We all sat around the bottle and I had a funny feeling Sirius was up to something. In fact, I _knew _he was.

"Everyone listen up, the beautiful Evans here is going to start us off. Truth or dare fiery one?"

"Truth."

It was barely a whisper. Lily gave the bottle a big spin and it seemed to spin forever before slowly and very purposefully stopping on me.

_I'm going to kill you_, I thought at Sirius for some reason thinking he could hear me. _Don't go to sleep tonight because I am going to kill you._

"What a coincidence!" Sirius bellowed. "Are you sure you don't want to give the kissing a go Evans?"

Lily shook her head slowly.

"Alright then, your question, which you must answer truthfully is, do you, Lily Evans, have deep romantic feelings for James Potter?"

I could see Lily struggling to find a loop hole in his question and failing. I should have warned her, Sirius was an expert an manipulating situations to his advantage.

"Well Evans?"

I looked up from my shoes and saw Lily staring at me, eyes alight with…wanting?

"I don't know," she replied softly.

"Not good enough Evans, you of all people should know that this is a yes or no question, do you, or do you not have the potential to love Prongs over here in a more than friends way?"

The silence lasted forever and I was sure she wasn't going to reply so I began to walk away, I'd had six years of public rejection; I couldn't handle having it in my own house too.

"Yes,"

I spun around and she was looking at me, dead in the eye looking more vulnerable than I ever though possible.

"Yes, I think I do."

I took a step forward and then she began to run as fast as she could from the room. I took a deep breath and then walked in the opposite direction.

LILY

Oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no. I had just admitted to liking Potter in front of _everyone_. I may as well have written a bloody notice in the paper. I just admitted that I had deep feelings for James Potter and he had just stood there. How was I ever expected to get over this? To face him again? Feelings sucked, feelings really, really sucked!

I stopped running for a moment and found myself outside alone, standing in front of what looked like a massive, state of the art tree house.

For some reason it looked safe, looked like a place where I could get my thoughts together, looked like a place where I could forget tonight's events. So I began to climb up the make shift steps to the top.

Once on the top I was struck by how beautiful it was up here, I could see the whole town almost. Lit up and mirroring the millions of stars above it. There was a hard wooden door which looked like the only access point to getting inside the house, so I went to it and tried to open the door. It didn't budge. I knocked three times and a mechanical voice answered.

"Password."

Password? What the hell was this? Fort Knox?

"James Potter."

"Incorrect. Password."

"Prongs?"

"Incorrect. Password."

"Sirius."

"Incorrect. Password."

God what the hell could it be? I was never going to guess.

"Marauder?"

"Incorrect. Password."

A thought struck me that was so crazy I almost began to climb down straight away. I looked down to see everyone still inside, laughing.

What the hell?

"Lily Evans."

The door swung open and so did my mouth. I was his top secret password? Oh my god. How could I have possibly been the password?

Stepping inside I was stunned into silence as I looked around. It was the most extravagant tree house I had ever seen. There were cute bean bags and arms chairs spread out around a massive fireplace. Posters of his favourite things were on all the walls with hundreds of photos of everyone and everything. There were a couple closed doors which indicated extra rooms and a very old TV sitting on the floor, not even plugged in.

There was a photo album open on one of the bean bags, so I sat down and flipped through the pages. It was a whole album of Sirius and James, a whole album which depicted them growing up. The first photo was of them, no older than twelve years of age in what appeared to be an intense arm wrestling contest. The next taken in the same year with James on Sirius's back hands over his eyes laughing, as Sirius stumbled around blind. The photo's continued, each funny and endearing at the same time with humorous notes next to them describing. The last two photos were my favourite. One was with Sirius asleep on a chair cuddling a teddy and sucking his thumb looking like a child even though he was at least fifteen in the photo. Next to it James had written _my brother._ The last photo was a bit out of place from the Sirius and James theme; it was me and Carla in the common room, unaware the photo was being taken as we played muggle hand clap games and laughed. Next to the photo was written _Dum Spiro Spero _twice, once in James hand writing close to my face, the other in Sirius' close to Carla's face.

As I pondered the meaning of the phrase I noticed against the far wall was a desk with plans strewn across it, I went over to have a look and saw a list in James untidy scrawl.

**Daffodils**

**Storms**

**Poems**

**Ice skating**

**Hogwarts**

**Chocolate Fudge**

**Romeo and Juliet.**

It was a list of some of my favourite things. Who the hell was James Potter and why had it taken me six years to even get close to figuring it out. As I looked through a couple more pages of ideas, and nonsensical stuff I accidentally knocked a quill onto the floor. Hurrying to pick it up, I noticed something peculiar about the floor boards; I pressed my hand down upon it and jumped back as it started to move. I watched as the floor opened itself up and began a secret passageway to below.

Cautiously I followed it down and gasped at what I found. There was a bed in the middle with a few extra sleeping bags next to it, books upon books or advanced spells, a broomstick neatly set against the wall, a tiny fish pond to the side of the room with beautiful coloured fish swimming around and a big box that was left opened next to the bed. I had a look inside and felt myself melt, there were pictures of me, clippings of poems and stories I'd written even from my muggle schools, a Christmas card I'd given him in first grade, a CD with what I assumed were my favourite songs on it, other little trinkets he'd collected that I'd thrown at him, given him or left and forgotten. Finally there were letters, letters upon letters that were addressed to me.

My throat tight, I put everything back into its place and picked up the teddy that sat looking down at the pond, the same teddy that he'd won for me in fifth grade and I'd thrown out the common room window.

I heard foot steps and froze, what do I do? Do I stay here and hope that whoever was up there didn't find me? Did I try and escape? Did I hide until the coast was clear?

I didn't have time for the latter two because I could hear foot steps on the way down. Deciding to feign I was sleeping, I arranged myself into what I hoped was a natural sleeping position on the arm chair over looking the pond, shut my eyes and slowed my breathing to a deep, even place.

Whoever it was stopped as soon as they saw me and exhaled a deep breath. My nerves were as tight as wire as I waited to see what would happen next.

A warm blanket was placed over my body and then I was in strong arms, being moved to the bed and placed so I was as comfy as possible. It was James. I knew his touch, his scent by now.

I heard foot steps and realized he was leaving, letting me sleep in peace.

"What does _Dum Spiro Spero _mean?" I whispered.

I open my eyes and saw him freeze. "I'm sorry I woke you, go back to sleep."

"Wait! Please don't go," I was almost begging him.

"Why not?"

"Because I want you to stay and because…because it feels like I'm missing something when you're not around."

He didn't reply, he just walked back over to the bed, lay down behind me not touching me at all.

We lay there in silence, so close yet so distant.

"While I breathe, I hope," he said quietly.

"Sorry?" I replied.

"That's what it means, the phrase."

A shiver went up my spine, although I wasn't particularly cold.

As if in instinct, James wrapped his arms around me and I felt like my body was on fire.

"Is this ok?" he whispered.

"It's perfect," I replied.

And despite the war, the complications and the dark times ahead, lying here with James Potter, I felt like it truly was.


	14. Chapter 14

Hello my pretties : D  
I'm actually a bit unsure about this chapter, I feel like I'm losing it? I probably won't be able to update as quick next time as I'm trying to fine tune my writing a bit and life refuses to slow down! Anyhow, more big thanks to those that add my story and of course my beautiful, amazing, kind reviewers;

**DelightfulSmiles, Shroomy-eyes** and **Pottor06**: Thank you :D I tried to accentuate the cuteness without making it mushy, so that means a lot that you like it. And I know it's about time Lily got her act together.

**JacobsImprintGirl:** Wow that's such a huge compliment thank you so much, that seriously made my day.

**The DA is dressed to the nines** and **Opa12**: Ooo, you're definitely going to have to let me know when you post your stories, I'm sure you're going to blow me away with your writing skills :D

**Skylar Jones**: Thank you for always taking the time to read really means a lot! xx

**JazzHalesBabyGurl**: Thank you! So nice of you to take the time.

JAMES

I woke up to something very hot in my back pocket humming, and it was only getting louder. Drowsily I opened my eyes to find Lily wrapped around me. Her face was pressed into my chest, her arm around my waist and her leg looped through mine. I smiled. One half of one whole.

I jumped as the humming got louder and maneuvered myself to access my pocket without waking Lily.

It was the mirror Sirius and I used. I braced myself and looked in.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"Finally!" Sirius exploded. "Where the hell are you! Do you have any idea how worried we've been? We've been looking for you for hours!"

"Shh!" I hissed.

"Don't shh me!" he boomed. "I don't care how hung over you are, or even where you are just wake up. Get back here and help us find Evans, she's missing too."

"No, I'm going back to bed; I'll come find you when I'm in a better mood with you."

"What the hell? This is _Evans_ you idiot. She's missing! Carla is going out of her mind with worry; Frank and Alice have started searching the neighbourhood, if we don't find her soon Carla's going to call the muggle law enforcement! I can't believe you're being such a ponce about this!"

"Sirius shut your gob for a second would you!" I cried out as quietly as possible.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for his reaction. "We don't need to look for Lily ok? She's here with me sleeping so keep it down so she doesn't wake up." I tilted the mirror to show the lulling Lily. "We're safe, we're on good terms so you can get some rest and let us do the same, we're going to need all the energy we can muster to face your inquisition tomorrow."

Sirius face was alight now in awe. "Prongs, you're my hero, I mean it. Some how you've managed the impossible; I don't know how you did it but…wait! Did you guys…you know…?"

"No!" I hissed. "We talked and fell asleep together, that's it."

"I can't believe it," he stated.

"Look, can I go back to sleep now?" I asked irritably.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah mate, of course, see you later on today."

"Alright then."

Just as I was about to end the connection when I heard Sirius mutter in an awe struck voice. "Wow."

I smiled to myself and settled in closer to Lily. Wow seemed a pretty good definition to me.

When I woke up for the second time I had a sense that something was wrong. I opened my eyes and saw my realistic stars above so I had no idea what time it was. I turned my head to turn on the lamp and that's when I realized I was in bed alone. Lily had left before I had woken up and there wasn't even a note to explain why she'd gone.

Jesus, how many times was this girl going to leave me before it was enough? How much more did I need to go through before I didn't have anything left?

Throwing the blankets off me, I jumped out of bed, kicked over my Lily box and stalked up stairs.

I was going to find her and I was going to give her a piece of my mind, I was going to tell her that it was bullshit what she was doing, and that I wasn't going to stand for it, I'm a man damnit!

Shutting the secret passageway, I practically ran right out of the tree house…and right into Lily.

"Whoa, where's the fire?" she asked with a rush trying to juggle…waffles?

"I woke up and you were gone and I thought…"

Lily's lips quirked. "That I had bailed on you 'the morning after?' I hate to break it to you Potter but that usually only happens _after_ sex and I wasn't that drunk last night. I woke up and thought I'd bring you some brunch and hang over juice, you know, as a thank you."

I stepped aside and helped her carry our brunch inside. "A thank you? For me?"

Her lips quirked again. "Don't sound so surprised, I'm actually a pretty good person, you just haven't seen that side."

I nodded and started heaping waffles onto my plate. "What's the thank you for?"

Playing with her hair, Lily looked nervous. "For…everything. For giving me a Christmas card every year, for protecting me even when you thought I didn't know, for confunding the Professors every time I was late to class, for putting up with me for the past six years and I guess, just being the best friend I never knew I had."

I chuckled softly. "You can breathe now Evans, I realize being nice to me is a chore in itself and that it must have killed you to keep a straight face during that, so we're all good. You and me? We're good."

"Really?"

"Really, really. And speaking of, these waffles are really, really good!"

Lily smiled brightly. "One of my many charms Potter."

I raised an eye brow and smirked. "And what are the other charms?"

"That my friend is something I'm going to let you take the time to work out on your own."

I leant in closer. "Oh yeah?"

I heard Lily's breathing hitch as she moved slightly closer too. "Yeah."

"OH YEAH!"

We broke apart and shot Sirius equally venomous stares. "One day Padfoot, I'm going to do this to you, and then you're going to feel what I'm feeling towards you right now." I told him calmly.

Sirius shrugged my threat off, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're dark and moody and I'm totally ruining your mojo with Evans, I get it, but this is way more important!"

I glanced behind him at a giggling Carla. "Ok? So what's so important?"

"I asked Carla to be my girlfriend and she said yes!"

My mouth actually dropped and then I launched myself across the table and at him, punching him lightly in the chest repeatedly. Sirius, pushed me off like I weighed nothing and started chuckling loudly.

"Ha! Ok, ok I'm sorry! That wasn't the big news but it is really important don't you think?"

Lily nodded in mock seriousness. "The fact that you developed a soul, conscience and heart really should be broad casted globally for the world to see."

"You know Evans, I think I like you, we might actually be friends," Sirius told Lily, looking surprised himself at the revelation.

"Enough of this!" I cried out. "What did you interrupt breakfast for?"

Sirius gave me one of our routine one armed hugs. "Get dressed, there's another muggle fair on tonight, and we're all going to go! Frank, Alice, Me, Carla, You, Evans and even Remus is bringing Violet. We figured this time it will be twice as fun because we'll have Evans and Carla to explain everything to us."

Lily started giggling when Carla whispered something in her ear.

"What's so funny?" Sirius asked.

Carla wrapped her arms around his neck. "We were just talking about the kissing booth and whether there will be a hot guy running it."

"Kissing booth?" Sirius and I asked as one.

Lily nodded. "Yeah, it's a little stand where a guy or girl sits and you pay like two dollars to kiss them for like ten seconds."

I felt jealousy rear its ugly head as I pictured Lily _paying_ to kiss some lucky bastard while I waited six years to roughly kiss her against a train and a wall.

"That won't be happening," Sirius told Carla. "We're part of the monogamy club now!"

Lily and Carla burst out laughing and headed out of the door.

"Wait where are you going?" Sirius called.

"What about brunch?" I added.

"We're going to pull Alice away from Frank, get ourselves ready and we'll meet you back here at around five o'clock, you guys are buying dinner, sounds good?" Carla replied.

"It takes you five hours to get ready? What could you be doing for five hours?"

"We need to shower, get changed, do each other's hair, and plan our outfits."

"You shower together?" Sirius called to their retreating backs.

We both collapsed into our personal bean bags and took a deep breath.

I knew Sirius so I took a deep breath and began to count. 1…2…3…4…

"So, you and Evans hey?"

He really is like clock work.

"Monogamy club hey?"

He nodded in understanding in defeat. "Gotcha, don't ask, don't tell. You don't really think they have an actual kissing booth do you?"

I shuddered at the same time he did. "God, I hope not, I've got enough odds stacked against me as it is."

By the time five o clock rolled by we had barely had enough time to think about the horrors of the carnival as we'd spent the whole afternoon cleaning up the house, disposing of all incriminating evidence, and cleaning ourselves up so we looked presentable enough for the girls, who any boy knew, was the harshest critic you would ever come across.

"I just want to sleep," Remus moaned, spreading himself out on the couch. "Why are we doing this again?"

Sirius lay directly underneath Remus on the floor, rubbing his temple. "Our women demand it of us."

"Slave drivers," Remus muttered.

"Blokes look alive," I told them as I sipped from Lily's miracle hang over juice. "They're going to be here any minute and you know that they are just going to be louder if they know how hung over we are."

Sirius shook his head. "Evil vixens, the things we do for them. I'm not even getting laid and I'm working harder than I have ever worked before in my life just in the hopes that I make her happy."

Remus gave Sirius' head a pat. "Congrats mate, you've become human."

"Can I take it back?"

"Not ever."

Sirius whacked the floor in a weak attempt of a tantrum.

An owl flew into the room and dropped a letter in my lap. I recognized Lily's delicate writing immediately.

_**James,**_

_**We'll be there in twenty minutes, so I suggest you get your last groans out now and pull yourselves together so we can have a good night. I left some muggle energy drinks in the fridge for you boys; you're probably going to need it. See you soon,  
Love Lily. Oxo**_

"What did your girlfriend want? The last shred of your dignity?" Sirius joked.

I tossed the letter to him and pulled the drinks out of the fridge, which by the way was the best investment my dad ever made.

"What are they?" Frank asked, curled up on the couch.

"A gift from Lily, the girls are going to be here in twenty minutes, she thought we could use a boost," I replied as I handed the drinks out and then opened mine up.

I took a long pull from the can and licked my lips after. It was delicious drink with lots of bubbles and I actually did feel better after having a good few gulps.

"Your girlfriend is a genius," Sirius told me in awe. "If you don't marry her Prongs, I'll take her."

"Whoa now Mr. Monogamy, let's just take this one step at a time ok?" I told him with a chuckle. "You haven't even lasted a week yet."

Sirius scoffed. "Really how hard could it be? Carla has enough mystique about her it's like having five girlfriends in one, no possible way I can get bored. And speaking or marriage, Longbottom my friend, when are we throwing you a bachelor party?"

Frank shrugged. "We have to have the engagement party first, which you guys will be coming to right? You can't abandon me in my time of need!"

I smirked. "I thought love was so grand you didn't care what happened?"

"I don't care about the wedding as long as Alice is happy but you can't expect me to face dozens of gushing girls for a whole night, not to mention Alice's father and Uncle's."

Remus nodded somberly. "Ouch. Well we'll be there to help you hold your own."

Frank smiled as brightly as he could manage. "Thanks, I owe you one."

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. "I'll keep that in mind."

Frank paled at the thought and we all chuckled imagining what heinous and no doubt ridiculous task Sirius would try to rope Frank into.

The twenty minutes past fast and surprisingly with the help of the energy drinks we were all feeling substantially better, the head ache had even numbed down.

"We're here!" Carla called out, walking arm and arm in with Lily and Alice. "Did you miss us?"

Sirius eyed Carla's tight shirt and even tighter black pants. "Boy did I ever! Come here and let me show you how much."

Carla rolled her eyes and stayed put.

I opened my arms mockingly to Lily and surprisingly she let go of Carla's arm to give me a little hug.

She started laughing as my mouth dropped. "Always so surprised Potter, you're going to give me a complex."

I shut my mouth and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry Evans, you look amazing as usual."

And she did, she was dressed for love as far as I was concerned in navy blue track pants and a baby pink tank top, her hair pulled into a high pony tail, stray curls breaking free from their binds.

She nudged me playfully. "You look alright yourself, where's Violet?"

Remus jumped up immediately. "She's going to meet me at the entrance; we better go so she doesn't think I stood her up."

I rolled my eyes. "Moony, I think it's more likely she thinks you've been killed in a freak accident than bailing on her date, you're Mr. Dependable."

Remus rolled his eyes in return. "And who are you? Mr. Sensitive?"

I smiled broadly. "Something like that and Frank's Mr. Romance."

Sirius leant in to Carla. "And I'm Mr. Monogamous."

As one we all rolled our eyes. "Let's get going."

"What? I am! Guys don't walk away, I _am_ Mr. Monogamous, I've turned a new leaf over!"

We all walked out leaving Sirius following after us, trying desperately to convince us he was a changed man. Lily held my hand the whole way and it felt like the most natural thing ever.

LILY

"Yes! The kissing booth is a guy this year!" Carla exclaimed, pulling me and Alice away from our dates. "We _have_ to give the guy the night of his life!"

I giggled and shook my head. "I don't want to kiss some stranger."

Carla winked. "Just close your eyes and pretend it's James."

"Or she could just kiss me and not have to pretend?" James suggested, linking his hand back in with mine.

"And I really don't want to kiss anyone else either," Alice told Carla who was beginning to pout.

"But it's tradition! Lil come _on_ we've done this every year we've gone!" Carla pleaded.

Sirius stood, arms crossed in front of Carla disproval written all over his face. "I don't like it."

"You don't have to like it, it's just a bit of fun," Carla told him, crossing her own arms.

"Really?" Sirius asked, and then he grabbed a random girl walking past and slung his arm around her. "So I can kiss…sorry I didn't get your name?"

"M- Melissa."

"Melissa here and it would just be a bit of fun?"

Carla grit her teeth. "Just you try it Sirius Orion Black and you see what happens!"

Sirius let go of the muggle who quickly scurried off and began to shout back at Carla inches away from her face. "Why is it ok for you and not me then?"

"Because it's a carnival! I'm _paying_ for it!"

Sirius grinned without humour. "Oh really? Well then I'll toss Melissa a couple coins and it will be fine too?"

Carla slapped Sirius once and tried for a second but he grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. I don't even know how it happened but the next minute they were kissing passionately, not even caring that they were in public.

"We're going to have to put up with this all year aren't we?" Remus asked sadly, jokingly covering Violets' eyes.

James nodded somberly. "Yep."

"God help us all," Remus replied, making a show of pretending to gag.

I grabbed James and Alice's hand and pulled in the direction of the haunted house. "Come on, I didn't pay ten dollars to watch Sirius and Carla make out, there are rides with our names on it!"

"Padfoot when you retract your tongue from Carla we'll be at the haunted house," James called to Sirius who raised a hand to show he understood.

We ran off to line up and I couldn't help but notice that this was probably one of the best nights of my life and we weren't even doing anything too grand.

"You can hold my hand if you get scared Evans," James told me cockily. "I'll keep you safe."

I grinned at him mischievously. "Thanks Potter, feel free to use my shoulder to cry on when you can't handle how scary the ride is, you forget, I've ridden this ride for years."

He puffed his chest out reminding me of a peacock as our cart came along. "I am a man Evans, I do not cry and I do not get scared!"

I smirked as I deliberately picked the front carriage. "The offer still stands."

Five minutes later I got out of the carriage crying from laughter as a very pale James followed me trying to talk his way out of it.

"Evans I swear, I was just coughing ok? Not crying out, I wasn't scared at all!"

I held my hand up which had been drained of blood from James cutting my circulation off. "Really? My hand tends to disagree, I was worried I would have to have it cut off you were holding it so tight."

"You do look pretty pale," Alice giggled, as she rubbed Frank's arm, who was also looking a little haunted.

"I haven't had the chance to get much sun this summer," James argued. "And the moon makes everyone looks paler than usual."

I smiled and nodded in mock understanding. "Of course, of course it does. My mistake, don't worry your secret is safe with me."

"There's no secret!" he told me hotly. "Longbottom, tell her!"

Frank just shook his head. "You're on your own mate, I was scared pantless."

James bottom lip poked out and he looked like a five year old throwing a tantrum. "I wasn't scared."

I smiled warmly and pecked him on the cheek. "I know, nothing scares the great James Potter, now will you ride the Ferris wheel with me?"

"The Ferris wheel?" he asked.

I pointed to the gigantic wheel rotating on the other side of the field and I saw his eyes light up. "Brilliant, I love heights, let's do it!"

"Coming?" I asked Alice who shook her head.

"Frank doesn't like heights too much and we better wait here for Sirius and Carla."

I shrugged. "Ok, meet us there once you manage to tear Sirius and Carla away ok?"

"You got it," Alice told me giving me a big hug. "Have fun you two!"

Taking my hand again James led me to the line up for the Ferris wheel. "I don't get it, Frank is a reserve in Quidditch, and he doesn't have an issue with heights?"

I smiled at his innocence. "You're so naïve Potter, Alice was trying to give us some privacy and probably get some her self."

Awareness crossed James' face. "Ohh, you girls really think of everything."

I took a mock bow. "Thank you!"

"Are you having a good time?" he asked, pushing a stray piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I am actually,"

He grinned at me mockingly. "Don't sound so surprised."

"Very funny smart arse,"

"Just one of my charms," he told me with a smirk.

I elbowed him in the ribs and raised an eyebrow. "And what are the rest of your charms?"

He opened our chair's bar for me and winked. "You know Evans I think I'll let you figure them out for yourself."

"What if you're not as charming as you think you are?" I challenged.

He shrugged. "Then I still got you to spend time with me, so it's a win/win situation really."

I elbowed him again to take the attention off my blush. "You're so corny Potter."

"Correction, I'm Mr. Sensitive remember?"

I giggled at his silliness. "Oh sorry, my mistake entirely."

"I'll forgive you just this once Evans, but don't think your looks are going to work in your favour forever."

I smiled brightly. "My looks huh?"

James gave me an incredulous look. "Surely you're aware how stunning you are Evans?"

I shrugged. "I'm nothing special, I mean, look at my friends."

Gentle hands turned my chin to face him. "Evans, you define the term beautiful. Carla has the dark sex appeal; Alice is sweet looking, but you? You're heart breakingly beautiful. Do you know how many guys I've had to jinx to warn them away from you?"

I don't even know why I find that sweet, I should find it creepy and irritating that he ruined my romantic endeavors, but instead I was obviously showing signs of insanity as I felt flattered at his devotion.

"You could have any girl you wanted you know," I whispered.

He shook his head sadly. "Years of experience had taught me I can't Evans."

I knew he meant me and I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that I was starting to fall for him, that he made me feel things I never thought I could ever feel but the words didn't come. The words never came because I was similar to Sirius in that I wasn't good at feelings, I didn't think I ever would be.

"You can have any girl you want," I managed to repeat and he looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

"Stay still and don't panic ok Evans?" he told me quietly.

Typical me I stiffened. "Why? What's going on?"

"I'm going to kiss you,"

As his lips hit mine the kiss was completely than the last two kisses; his lips were gentle against mine, still passionate but not with need acute to pain, it was a sweet kiss. He cupped my jaw with his palm and rubbed my back in slow gentle circles with the other.

When he broke apart I felt like something had changed within me, like I had been broken without even realizing it and now I was slowly starting to get put back together.

He smiled so tenderly at me my heart began to ache.

"James…I…"

He placed his hand over my mouth. "Don't ok? You don't have to say anything, this doesn't have to mean anything, let's just enjoy the view."

I bit my lip and wanted to cry because I _wanted_ this to mean something. I wanted to know how it felt to have someone else to worry about, to take into consideration. I wanted to know what if felt like to fall in love.

"James…" I began softly. "I really feel like I'm on…"

"Fire," he said.

"Yes, when I'm with you I feel like…"

"No!" he yelled cutting me off. "There carnival is on fire."

I looked to where he was pointing and gasped, there was a fire, and it was growing in height, people were beginning to panic and scream.

"What's going on?" I asked, wrinkling my nose against the smell assaulting my nose.

His jaw tightened. "We need to get you out of here, quick; we're nearly at the bottom."

"Wait, why? What's going on? Shouldn't we see if they need any help?"

James grabbed my arm roughly, kicked the barricade right off its hinges and yanked me off the Ferris wheel carriage.

"You need to get to safety, NOW!"

I grabbed the front of his shirt and shook him. "What's going on James, TALK TO ME!"

He pointed a shaking finger behind me. I spun around and saw several black forms zooming around the carnival, wreaking more havoc and trying to grab people to terrorize.

"They're after muggles," he told me in a dead voice. "The death eaters have come here to hurt the muggles, teach the wizarding world a lesson in war. You need to leave."

"Well are you going to come?" I demanded.

One look in his eyes gave me the answer. "You are not going to stay here and fight them, James Potter! We _all_ need to leave, let's get the others and go!"

He grasped my hands tightly in his own. "I need you to find the other girls ok? Take them back to my house, wait for my owl, I promise I'll be safe, but I need you to leave ok? I need to know you're safe."

I pulled my hands away from his. "I'm not leaving."

"Damnit woman why are you so stubborn! Can't you for once do what you're told and keep me from going prematurely grey!"

"Oh how sweet, Potty is trying to protect the Mudblood, are you seeing this Black?"

I spun around and Bellatrix standing with Sirius, or someone who looked exactly like Sirius but with deliberate mistakes; his eyes were a piercing blue instead of grey, he looked younger, and his features were sharper, not achieving the casual elegance Sirius maintained.

"Lily, I don't believe you've met Sirius's brother before, that's Regulus."

I turned my nose up at him. "I'd tell you it was nice to meet you but I've been taught never to lie."

Regulus grinned and it was then I could see how different he was from Sirius. "Charming. You really know how to pick those you keep company with, don't you Potter?"

James, pushed me behind him, barricading my body from their wands and any harm that could come to me. "Regulus, I suggest you turn around and go back home, the big kids need to talk now."

That wiped the smile from Regulus's face as he turned his wand to James threatening. "Don't tempt me Potter; I don't _want_ to kill you."

Bellatrix smiled viciously. "I do."

Without warning Regulus was tossed high in the air and then thrown onto the grown hard.

"Go home you idiot," Sirius hissed at his little brother. "This isn't the place for you."

Regulus tried to right himself but Sirius pushed him back down again. "Do not even think about it, go back home and whine to mummy about what a traitor I am ok?"

"Don't tell me what to do!" Regulus yelled and in any other circumstance it would just look like any other family quarrel.

Sirius turned to Bellatrix. "I wonder what my mother will think when I write to tell her you put her favourite little pumpkin in danger without properly training him." He then raised his wand and in the next second a cut opened up on Regulus's cheek. "I wonder what she'll say when he comes home in a box?"

Bellatrix screamed in frustration then pointed her wand at Regulus. "Just go ok? There will be plenty more fights to come, don't feel left out, you'll get your chance, I might even let you have the Mudblood."

Regulus looked me over, and shuddered slightly. "Fine. I'll give mum your best shall I?" he taunted to Sirius.

Sirius' lip turned up into a snarl. "Tell that slag I'll see her in hell."

Regulus didn't reply, just turned and ran through the smoke.

"So…where were we?" Bellatrix asked pretending to think. "Oh, that's right, I was going to kill the mudblood and make you watch."

Whispering under my breath and pointing my wand at Bellatrix through the gap in James arm, little tentacles began to sprout all over her body.

Shrieking loudly, she attempted to rip the tentacles out but to no avail, with skill I didn't think it was possible for her to possess she sent a curse at me that skimmed past the top of my head.

"You!" she screeched at me. "You just made a huge mistake. I'm going to destroy everything you care about, I'm going to kill everyone who was every nice to you and I'm going to make you watch, you had better say goodbye to mummy and daddy, they're first."

Fear gripped my entire body and I found I couldn't move. James pushed me even further behind him and gripped his wand tighter. "I need you to apparate to my house ok?" he whispered. "Do it now."

For once I did as I was told and with a pop I was in the living room, Carla and Alice were waiting.

"What happened?" Alice asked, while Carla threw her arms around me.

I opened my mouth to reply, but then everything went black.


	15. Chapter 15

Ok, so I totally lied, I stayed home sick today so I took the opportunity to just update a tiny little bit for you, it's only a small chapter this time. Hopefully I don't let you down! After this chapter it will probably going back to being a couple of days but I promise I'll update as fast as possible. Again to those that subscribe thanks so much, it really makes me feel special.

To my wonderful reviewers; **Jenny129, DelightfulSmiles, Potter06, The DA is dressed to the nines,** **VampyreGirl23, CJ, Opa12, Skylar Jones, JazzHalesBabyGurl, JacobsImprintGirl**, **sportsmaniac** and **Chloe'sfire**.

**This chapter, this whole story, is dedicated to you guys.**

xxx

JAMES

"Where the hell did she go?" I yelled at Sirius who now had cuts all up his face.

"Probably got on her broom stick and headed back to hell," he replied.

"Sirius! James!"

We whipped around to see Remus looked very battered and ten years older, carrying Violet who looked to be in and out of consciousness.

"Death eater got her," Remus explained. "Was barking mad, even introduced himself as 'Lestrange' to her, told her if she was a good girl and didn't scream he'd keep her as a pet. I jinxed him and he ran off."

Anger boiled inside of me. "WHERE ARE YOU COWARDS! SHOW YOURSELF! FIGHT! OR ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU ONLY WORK IN PACKS YOU PATHETIC COWARDS!"

"DON'T CALL ME COWARD!"

Severus Snape emerged from the smoke seemingly unharmed. Well, I was going to change that.

"Snivelly, you have been an annoyance for too long now," Sirius told him. "We've been patient, we've been kinder to you than you deserve and we've turned a blind eye for Evans the past coupe months, but Evans isn't here is she?"

A huge evil grin lit up Sirius's face and I could see the family resemblance at that moment.

"You couldn't kill me if you tried," Snape laughed. "What are you going to do? Stun me? Talk me to death? You don't have the guts, the spine to take a life!"

_Rebracto _I thought in my head as I pointed my wand at him and he screamed in pain and dropped his wand; his arm now broken.

I stalked over and picked his wand up, pointing it at his throat.

"Prongs!" Remus called, sounding scared and unsure. "What are you going to do?"

"What his mother should have done at his birth," I replied through gritted teeth.

Snape looked at me in surprise, like he could never in his wildest dreams expect me to show such dark magic. Like I was too innocent, too wholly _good_ to do such a thing. I scoffed to myself at this. In this war, no one was ever innocent. No one. The road to hell was paved with good intentions and I'd be damned if I didn't go down taking some of them with me.

"You're wasting time Potter," Bellatrix sang out to me in her insane tone.

"I am, aren't I?" I replied. "I should have ended this for Severus ages ago, it would have been the kind thing to do."

Bellatrix laughed and my insides went cold. Something was wrong.

"I mean, I'm fairly sure I got your girlfriend with my curse before Potty, and if I'm lucky, she won't have very long left before she bleeds you."

"WHAT!"

I stared at Severus in surprise as he looked at Bellatrix in disgust. "You did what!"

Bellatrix looked taken back for a moment. "Severus, we're here to make an examples of muggles, she's a muggle. Why did you come if you didn't have what it took to go through with this?"

"She's a _witch_," he snarled back at Bellatrix, snatching his wand from me and apparating.

Fear gripped me so completely I felt paralyzed. I couldn't speak, couldn't move, nothing.

Bellatrix blew me a kiss mockingly. "Tick tock Potty, Tick tock."

Adrenaline kicked in and just before I apparated I whispered _rebracto_ at Bellatrix and got some satisfaction when I heard her howl in pain.

My feet hit the floor and I was in the living room, Carla was holding a towel against Lily's head to try and stop the bleeding, but it didn't seem to be doing much, there was blood everywhere and Lily wasn't moving at all.

"How long has she been like this?" I screamed at Carla, wand still raised.

"I don't know."

"Well you had better knowing," I snarled. "That's your _best friend_ and you're just lying there not even doing anything to help, do you want to her to die?"

"Hey!" Sirius shouted, wrapping his arms around Carla. "This isn't her fault, you need to calm down ok? Yelling isn't helping the situation."

I took a deep breath and knelt by Lily's head. "I'm sorry I just…it's not meant to be like this ok? I can't lose her now…there would be nothing left of me."

No one says anything and I feel embarrassed. Pouring my heart out is something I never used to do…until now. I looked down at Lily and saw there was a wound on the top of her head that refused to cut or stop swelling. She needed help. Fast.

"I think we need to call St Mungo's, I don't think any of us are capable enough to heal this."

"We tried calling before," Alice whispered, just as Frank apparated into the room and wrapped her up in his arms. "We couldn't get through."

I sighed. "We're going to have to take her there ourselves, I don't think I can apparate with her, I don't trust myself enough to."

"How are we all going to get there then?" Alice asked, swallowing a sob.

I sighed deeply. "I guess we'll have to use the floo network, I have my own fireplace in the tree house."

Remus cleared his throat and I turned to face him, raising an eyebrow in question.

"I'm going to get Violet home if that's ok? I think she's had enough."

I looked over to see Violet rocking backwards in forwards whilst sobbing at the feet of Remus. I recognized the way he looked at her as the same way I looked at Lily and I understood.

"Do what you need to do ok? But stay safe."

"I'll meet you at the hospital later," he promised, before scooping Violet up and leaving.

I turned back to Lily. Jesus, I never knew that love was such an exhausting full time job, there really wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I carefully cradled her in my arms and then lifted her up, noticing blood was still flowing freely from her head.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah mate?"

"I'm going to kill your cousin, I just thought I'd give you a heads up, so you could prepare yourself, feel the grief now," I told him, emotionless.

Sirius eyes widened. "You bastard, I thought we agreed she was mine to take?"

I forced a smile. "I'm sure we can find a way to share."

Sirius barked out a laugh as we strode outside and to the base of the tree house. "Thanks mate, sharing is caring after all."

As we got to the steps I turned to Alice and Frank first. "You two go ahead and wait at the top, then I'll bring Evans up and Carla and Sirius will follow."

Frank grimaced. "I'm feeling a sense of déjà vu."

I gave him a little nudge. "So you should be an expert about what to do by now, maybe one day you'll get lucky and I'll be the one knocked out."

This actually made Alice smile. "Lily would love that I reckon, getting to be the one that rescues you, she'd love knocking your ego down a peg or two."

I smiled at Alice warmly. "Well, let's make sure we get her safe and all better so she can find a way to somehow blame me for everything."

With a final smile Alice followed Frank up the steps. Re arranging Lily, so that she was over my shoulder and more secure I turned to the steps when I heard two pops.

I quickly spun around, wand raised and found myself facing my parents who were wearing nothing but their swimmers.

"Mum? Dad? What are you doing here?" I gasped

My mum began to sob and threw her arms around me, completely oblivious to Lily.

"The trip got cancelled," my dad explained. "We were all on our way back because we'd heard there were attacks being staged for the past couple days and were needed back here."

"And you're still in your swimmers because…?"

"Oh, well I bought one of those little muggle TV's to watch the news on to keep updated on how bad the attacks were and I was testing it out today when we were catching some rays and who did I see, but my own son running around a muggle carnival no less! We didn't stop to think or even pack any of our stuff, we just apparated right here."

"Huh, well I'm sorry your second honey moon got ruined, mum would you mind letting go? You're squashing Lily."

Quickly jumping back, my mum gasped as she finally took in the surroundings. "Dear Lord, what happened?"

"My cousin is in need of a curse or two," Sirius explained.

My dads eyes flashed. "You mean _students_ were responsible for this? Why though?"

"Lily's muggleborn, and they were targeting the muggles at the fair, to teach us all a lesson."

"Disgusting," my dad spat. "Makes me ashamed to call myself pure blood! I've got to go to the ministry to see how I can help, will you be ok?"

"Fine, but you may want to get changed first," I suggested.

With another pop he was gone and urgency gripped me again. "Mum, Lily was cursed, I need you to help her, we were on the way to St Mungo's, I don't know what the curse was but she won't stop bleeding."

Concerned parent aside my mum went right into nurse mode. "Well, don't just stand there! Bring her inside to my office and let's see what I can do."

"Frank, Alice, change of plan, you can come down, my mum's going to take care of everything," I called as we rushed to the house.

Gently I placed Lily on the bed so my mum could examine her.

"Hmm…James, I'm going to need a replenishing potion, some bandages and a bowl full of water, you can find them in my store room."

I ran to get my mum what she needed than watched in wonder as she cleaned the wound, whispered a counter spell and began to drip the potion slowly down Lily's throat.

Fifteen minutes later, Lily was sleeping deeply.

"She's going to be just fine," Mum told me quietly. "But she was very lucky, it was a very, very strong and dangerous curse and it only just grazed her head, had it hit her in the way it was intended, I'm not sure there was much I could have done."

I worked hard to push the rage down, for now I needed to make sure Lily was ok, there would be plenty of time for revenge, and I didn't want to be hasty. For what I had planned, I would need time and lots of preparation. The death eaters may have started the war, but I was going to help win it.

There was a timid knock on the door and Sirius stood there with Carla. "How's she doing?"

"She's going to be just fine," mum smiled.

"Frank and Alice have gone back home and Moony is staying with Violet to smooth things over with her parents,"

I nodded to show I had heard, I didn't trust myself to speak yet.

"Mrs Potter, this is Carla…she's my girlfriend."

Mum smiled brightly and walked over to give Carla a hug who quickly withdrew her out stretched hand and hugged her back looked bewildered. "So you're Ms. Monogamous?"

Carla smiled weakly. "I just go by Carla these days."

"Well it is lovely to meet you, you've got a keeper in this one, he doesn't always do the wise thing but he means well and has a heart of gold." She pointed to the beautiful wooden cabinet where she kept her emergency supplies. "He made me that, just because he noticed mine was looking too full."

Carla stared at Sirius in wonder. "You did?"

Sirius shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah…"

I picked up Lily's hand and slowly rubbed it, my mum came and sat next to me.

"Pretty girl."

"She is," I agreed.

"And this is who we've heard about non stop since you were eleven?"

"That would be the one."

I could sense her smiling. "Well, this wasn't exactly how I imagined I would meet your girlfriend James, but it's good to know she actually exists."

My shoulders drooped and I felt more exhausted than I ever had before. "She's not my girlfriend mum."

A warm around wrapped me close to her and I kept my hold on Lily's hand stead while my mum rocked me backwards in forwards.

"So young," she murmured. "To be facing so many, this was not the world I wanted for you."

I shrugged. "Haven't you ever heard mum? Life's not fair."

She pressed a kiss against my forehead and continued to rock my backwards and forwards. "Everything's going to be ok sweetheart,"

And even I could tell she knew she was lying.

LILY

I ran through the darkness, trying to find a way out and I couldn't. It was everywhere, it was relentless and it was cold. I was lost. I was so lost in this dark world I knew I didn't belong in and yet I couldn't seem to fight my way out. I could hear voices of my best friends, my parents and I ran faster to try and find them, to gain some warmth from them, but I could never run fast enough and it wasn't long before I was lost again.

Sitting in a heap I began to cry, deep sobs wracking my small frame until I wasn't sure if I was shaking from the cold, or the tears.

Was I ever going to get out of this place? Was there even an end to this?

I looked up and saw a tiny pin prick of light. I began to run, faster and faster until it started to look closer.

"Lily," a voice beckoned. "Lily."

I tried to run faster but then I tripped and the light disappeared.

"NO!" I screamed.

I felt a warmth in my hand and I looked down and could almost sense a presence, keeping me sane, holding me together, helping me fight through the darkness.

"Lily, it's time to wake up."

James. James was here. I stood up straight and just as I smiled I saw his face. "Lily, it's time to wake up, I need you."

Soft pressure was on my lips and then I woke up.

James still had his lips against mine when I opened my eyes. He pulled back immediately and I thought I saw a tear in his eye.

"You saved me," I told him, because I felt he needed to know.

"No, my mum did that," he told me hastily.

"No," I repeated. "From the darkness, you saved me."

James shook his head, a hint of a smile on his lips. "You feeling alright Evans?"

Before I had a chance to reply a beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair in her early 50's came in, holding a tray of steaming potion.

"You're awake! I was beginning to think I would need to slip a sleeping potion in Jimmy's juice just so he could get some rest from waiting for you."

I looked at James who was glaring at the woman. "Lily, this is my mum, Claire. Mum, this is Lily."

Claire gave me a warm smile. "So you're the girl that bled all over my floor."

I felt myself blush. "I'm so sorry about that I…"

She waved away my explanations and placed the tray across my legs. "I was just kidding honey, I'm so glad to have you with us, you had us very worried for a while."

"How long have I been asleep for?"

"Five days," she replied as she actually started to brush out my hair for me.

"Five days! Oh no, my parents are going to _kill_ me!" I moaned.

Soft musical laughter came from behind me. "James is right, you _are_ funny. It's all right, I spoke with your parents and let them know that you were going to be spending some time with us, helping plan Alice's engagement party, your mum seemed rather excited for you, you're not due home for at least another couple days."

I sighed in relief. "Thank you, so much, for everything."

"Nonsense dear, it's such a nice change having some girls in the house, I must admit usually I feel quite out numbered."

"Girls?" I asked confused, what a great impression I must be making. First she sees me unconscious and bleeding everywhere and now I was acting like I had no brain.

"Sirius's girlfriend has been staying here with us as well for the moment and Alice come to visit with Frank at least twice a day."

I felt tears rise up. This was too much. Everyone looking after me, James risking his life for me _constantly_ his mother welcoming me in with open arms like I was the most wonderful person ever. I didn't deserve any of it.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Claire enveloped me in a very motherly hug. "You're welcome, now eat your broth it will make you feel much better and then there's a shower through that door with fresh clothes set out for you, take your time, we'll be in the kitchen serving breakfast."

With a final smile she swept out of the room, leaving me and James alone. "So, still enjoying the hero complex?" I asked jokingly after draining the mug.

There was a clatter of things being swept on to the ground as he wrapped his arms around me and…bit down sobs?

"Are you ok?" I asked, awkwardly patting his back.

He exhaled deeply. "Evans, don't ever do that again ok?"

"Make a joke or ask if you're ok?"

"Nearly _die_! Do you know what I would have done if anything had happened to you?"

"Find a girl that actually treats you properly?"

He sighed, opened his mouth and then seemed to think better of it. "Evans, why would I do that when I have you to keep me on my toes?"

"Don't you ever get sick of it?" I whispered as he began to get up.

"Sick of what?" he asked when he got to the door.

"Always being so good to me when I do nothing to merit the kindness."

He turned to me and pulled something out of his pocket. "Evans, what I'm going to show you it the biggest secret ok?"

I gulped. "Ok."

"What I hold in my hand, is the key to why I like you ok? Without this, I probably wouldn't have lasted this long."

God, what was it and how long was I able to keep what ever it was up? Did I even want to know?

"Evans?" he pressed, moving closer.

"Ok," I whispered. "Show me."

"Do you promise one you see this, you will not judge me or use it against me in anyway or actively try to change this?"

I sighed deeply, starting to sweat. "I promise."

"Ok. I'm going to hand this to you in my shirt ok? Look at it when I've left and then I'll see you at breakfast."

I nod and watch as he pulls his shirt off revealing a toned chest and ripped abs. Oh. My. Gosh. James Potter was looking more and more like perfection.

I caught his eye and he was smirking at me, he walks over and places his shirt with the package wrapped inside.

"See you at breakfast, Sirius is cooking pancakes, you don't want to miss it."

I lifted and eyebrow. "Are you being serious?"

He nods, all serious. "He really makes the best pancakes, he adds chocolate and everything, I'll save you some."

And then he's gone and I'm once again left alone.

With shaking hands I slowly unwrapped the shirt to get at the precious thing inside. For a moment I'm not sure I even want to see what it is, I'm not sure I want to know what single thing has kept James Potter so persistent for all these years. I battle with myself internally and then curiosity wins out.

I open it and melt.

I look inside and I see myself.

He's given me a mirror.


	16. Chapter 16

Hello my lovely loyal readers,

Another chapter for you to read, I focused more on the romance this time no next time is going to be a bit more action packed. Let me know how it goes :D

Thank you to all that subscribe and as always I owe much to the wonderful reviewers who there are not enough kind words;

**DelightfulSmiles, JacobsImprintGirl, Addicted-2-My-Chemical-Romance, The DA is dressed to the nines, VampyreGirl23, Opa12, potter06, Lady Kyatsu, shroomy-eyes, lmurph2592, JazzHalesBabyGurl **and** Jenny129.**

JAMES

I sat at the head of the breakfast table, poking my food around my plate without actually eating any of it.

"Prongs, I made double chocolate pancakes for you, and you're not even eating them, what's the deal?"

I sighed and put a small piece in my mouth and smiled with my mouth still full. "'Appy?"

He nodded. "For now, I didn't slave over a hot pan just for you to insult me by not eating the food!"

Carla began to giggle. "I never pegged you for the Martha Stewart type."

"What? Is this another muggle reference I'm expected to understand?"

Carla smiled and shook her head. "She completely reinvented home economics, then she kinda went crazy and was put on house arrest, but that woman could cook her arse off!"

Sirius grinned and pulled Carla onto his lap. "You know I love it when you get all passionate."

They started the tonsil hockey just as my dad walked in. "Whoa there! Slow up turbo, some of us are trying to enjoy breakfast _without_ any saliva being spilt on it."

Sirius broke apart and turned the puppy dog eyes on him. "But Harold! I thought we were among men, that we all understood?"

Dad clasped Sirius on the shoulder and winked at Carla. "We all understand mate, but there is a time and place for these kind of things, haven't you ever heard of the tie rule?"

Sirius opened and shut his mouth like a goldfish while we all giggled.

"Um…sorry am I interrupting anything?"

My eyes shot to Lily and I patted the seat next to me. "Not at all Evans, Sirius was just embarrassing himself as usual, there's plenty of pancakes left."

Lily hesitantly stepped forward and took the seat next to mine, and actually let me serve up some pancakes for her, like I was her boyfriend serving her breakfast.

Cautiously she cut a tiny square off the pancake and gingerly put it in her mouth. Her expression went from cautious to surprised to delighted.

"Sirius…these are delicious!"

I swear you could see Sirius's head inflate. "Thank you Evans, I believe that's my first compliment from you in…well ever."

Lily shrugged. "That's the first time you've earned it."

Dad began to chuckle. "She's got spunk this one!"

Lily paled as she noticed my dad in the room for the first time. "Oh..."

Dad grinned and held his hand out to her. "Harold Potter, and it is a pleasure to finally put a face to the lovely Lily I have heard so much about."

"Don't believe a word," Lily told him with a smile taking my dads hand.

With a smooth smile my dad kissed Lily's hand. "He really didn't do you enough justice when he told me you could put the stars and moon the shame."

Lily blushed and slowly withdrew her hand, focusing back on her pancakes.

"How are you feeling anyway? If there's one thing I can't stand it's a beautiful woman in pain."

Lily nodded, blushing slightly. "Much better thank you."

Sirius grinned and piled some more pancakes on Lily's plate. "It's the pancakes isn't it? I have always had the ability to make women feel phenomenal. It's a gift."

I threw my fork at his head, making sure there was no way it would hit him.

"James Potter! We do not throw things like barbarians, you could have taken out an eye, apologise at once!"

I grit my teeth in frustration. Why did parents always come in at the most incriminating of times?

"I'm…sorry…Sirius," I managed.

Sirius pouted to my mum. "I thought he was going to hurt me Claire, I was so sacred."

Carla, Lily and I snorted while mum gives Sirius a kiss on the cheek.

There was a loud pop and then Remus was standing in the kitchen. "Pancakes? Brilliant! Your doing Padfoot?"

Sirius nodded and Remus sat himself down and piled the pancakes on his plate.

"What's news?" I asked.

"Violet is all good, we managed to calm her parents down enough for them to agree to let her return to Hogwarts. Bellatrix has disappeared, no one has seen her anywhere, I think it's unlikely she'll return, my dad says they're keeping tabs on all the names we gave them, making sure there are no more muggle attacks. We're lucky the toll only reached five."

I watched Lily's reaction as Remus gave the news and noticed she had stiffened and I could practically see the clogs working in over drive in her head. I knew this look, and I knew nothing good could come of it.

"Would you excuse me?" she asked politely. "I feel a little dizzy, I might just get some fresh air."

"Of course dear," my mum replied. "Stay close though."

Wiping my mouth, I stood up to quickly follow. "I'll go make sure she's ok."

As I left the kitchen I heard my dad state proudly. "That's my boy, gotta strike while the iron is hot!"

I smiled slightly and quickened my pace to find her sitting against the wall where we'd kissed the night of the party.

"You ok?"

She shook her head.

"Can I do anything?"

She shook her head again.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

A third shake. I sat down next to her and let out a long sigh.

"I have to get back to my parents," she told me.

I nodded. "I know, dad will take you back himself in a couple days."

"No, you don't understand. I have to go back now. You heard what Bellatrix said about my parents being first, they need me to protect them ok? They don't understand the wizarding world, it's not fair for them to get caught up in this."

"You're going to come back to Hogwarts right? You're going back home now, but you're definitely coming back to Hogwarts after the summer?"

Lily shook her head sadly. "I'm not sure yet ok? I feel like maybe I need to tell them everything and we should move away or something, so there's no chance they could ever get hurt."

My heart sunk deep within my chest. "But…why can't you just move them and still come back?"

Lily sighed. "I just…I'm not used to all this you know? I'm a muggle, i'm not prepared for this like you have been."

I put my arm over her shoulders and she automatically leaned into me, her head resting next to mine. "No one is prepared for war Evans, we can train as hard as we can, we can have all the knowledge in the world, but no one is ever truly prepared for it. Because war means death and destruction and the end of everything we were ever used to. No one is any more prepared than you are, but you can't run and hide either because that's letting them win, and you're better than that ok? I just know it."

Lily's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Maybe you're right about Hogwarts, but I really need to get back home."

"Am I going to see you again this summer?"

"I don't know, probably not. But I'll write to you, I promise."

"I feel like all I ever do is say goodbye to you," I whispered.

"I'm sorry. I want you to know that I'm really glad I've gotten to know you and that…that you've become a part of me now James, the best part of me. I have to go but I'll see you soon ok? Can you tell everyone for me? I suck at goodbyes."

We both stood up and I gave her a big hug. "At least wait until tomorrow?"

"I can't, you know I can't. I need to go now. I'll miss you."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"What?" Lily exploded. "My parents are going to flip if they think I've been spending this whole time with a boy."

"No they won't because I'm going to explain to them that I was just making sure you got home safely, as any gentleman would," I told her calmly.

"But…"

"Evans, we can do this the easier way, or the hard way it's up to you. Just know that either way ends up with you being stuck with me."

Lily took a deep breath and sighed. "Fine, fine! But you are not staying long ok? You're just dropping me off and then I'll see you back at school."

Yeah right, like I was going to go an entire summer empty now that I knew that she kept me whole.

"Sure Evans," I lied. "Whatever you want. Mum!"

"Yes darling?" my mum shouted back.

"I'm taking Lily out for the day I'll be back later."

"Alright, just be safe ok?"

"I promise!"

I turned to Lily and offered my hand. "Shall we?"

Rolling her eyes at me Lily took my hand, and then a second later we landed on slightly uneven ground, I stumbled.

"Smooth Potter," Lily told me, as she caught me. "Are you ready to enter my world?"

I smiled brightly. "Will you hold my hand if I get scared?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Sure, right after I finish defending you from killer gumballs."

"Gumballs?" I asked.

Lily hesitated by the door and turned to face me. "You've never had gum balls?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Jaw breakers?"

I stared at her horrified. "What?"

"Mc Donalds?"

"What are you talking about Evans?"

Lily grinned and took my hand. "Ok, it's time you saw a different side of life, stepped into my muggle shoes, you might even enjoy it."

I pointed back at the front door. "What about your parents?"

Lily hesitated and quickly ran to the front and opened the door. "Mum, Dad? Petunia? Anyone? It's me! I'm home!"

Silence was the only reply. Lily turned back, shut the door quietly and smiled at me. "It's a Wednesday, so everyone must be at work and we'll be back before dinner, it's not like they're expecting me right?"

I squeezed her hand and walked with her into the sunny streets, enjoying the closeness. "Right."

"Good, then we'll start with the lollies first then move onto Macca's for lunch. Just wait Potter, this time, I'm going to have to rescue you from the wonders of my world."

I pulled her closer so we could walk with my arm around her. "Teach me your ways wise one, I'll try to keep up."

Lily smiled at me brightly and then led the way into a world of new beginnings.

LILY

"This is delicious!" James exclaimed, mouth full of gum balls. "Why don't we have these in the wizarding world?"

I shrugged. "I guess you're not cool enough."

James grabbed me around the waist and forced me to look at him. "Is that so Miss Evans?"

I turned my face up to him. "That is so Mr. Potter."

"Why, I am a broken man Miss Evans, I am a broken man."

I smiled at him warmly. God it really was too easy for me to fall for James Potter. "I'll have to make it up to you then."

James mocked thoughtfulness. "Yes you'll have to, the question is what do I want? Hmm…do you have a million galleons handy?"

"Unfortunately not."

"Hmm…well then I guess a kiss will have to do."

"A kiss?" I ask, feigning ignorance.

"Yep. A kiss."

I grinned broadly and yanked his lips down to mine for a quick peck.

"Now we're even."

James grabbed me quickly and gathered me into his arms.

"James! Put me down!" I shrieked, even though I was secretly delighted.

"Nope."

"I'm in a skirt! Put me down now!" I giggled.

"Not until you kiss me properly Evans," he told me, an intensity in his eyes that made me shiver.

"Put. Me. Down." I told him firmly, trying to hide my smile.

"Kiss. Me. First," he replied imitating my tone perfectly.

I looked around and saw we gathering quite a crowd so I decided to give in and locked my lips with his. Forcing as much passion into the kiss as possible. My tongue searched for his hungrily, my hands roughly pulling him as close as possible. I get a kick of satisfaction when I break apart and notice his hands have gone slack and he looks dazed, like he's just waking out of a dream.

I blush as the crowd starts applauding. "Now are we even?" I whisper.

James touches his fingers to his lips and slowly shakes his head. "No, now I owe _you_ Evans."

I roll my eyes, "Well that's enough kissing, the police are going to arrest us for acts of indecency soon."

James raises his arms to the sky. "Arrest me oh gallant police officers! I will gladly face death if I can kiss my wonderful Evans whenever I want for a whole day!"

I hide my face with my hands and giggle. "Oh my god…"

James starts prancing around and high fiving all the guys watching who have matching grins and unamused girlfriends next to them.

Giggling to myself I begin to walk out of the lolly shop. "See you at school," I call.

I don't even get to the count of three before he's fallen in step with me.

"Come on Evans, you have to admit, we have fun together."

I try to act like I'm not impressed but I can't. This morning with James has been amazing, I feel problem and carefree, maybe this is what love is.

"LILY?"

I close my eyes and try to wish it all away. Oh no, oh no, no, no!

James stops and I'm forced to stop with him. "Lily, some girl is calling your name, is this an old friend?"

Oh no, this cannot be happening to me.

"Lily!"

"That's not a friend," I tell James quietly.

Rough bony hands grab me and pull me away from public view. "What the hell are you _doing_ here? Shouldn't you be in freakville?"

I take another deep breath. "James, meet my sister Petunia."

James looks between the two of us no doubt noticing that we look nothing alike. Petunia was all fair and angles, where as I had the dark red hair and more curves.

"It's nice to meet you…I think?"

Petunia gave him a look that could curdle milk and turned back to me. "You're not meant to be here ok? God, how could you humiliate me like this! God, you ruin everything! Making a scene in the lolly shop, bringing that _freak_ home with you. It's not bad enough that you have to insist on returning home to shame the family now you're trying to take over with your king. I wish you had never been born!"

I lowered my head as heat rushed into my face. Great, now Potter would know the truth about me, a freak among freaks, not even loved in her own family.

"Apologise. Now."

I don't know who was more shocked that James had spoken, me or Petunia.

"Excuse me?" she asked in her shrilly voice.

"I said apologise to Lily, now," James repeated slowly, as if he was talking to an idiot.

"I heard what you said, how _dare_ you!"

James pulled his wand out and pointed it at Petunia and smiled sweetly. "Either you apologise, or I'll _make_ you apologise, the choice is yours."

Petunia's eyes filled with tears of terror. "I-I'm s-s-sorry Lily."

James smiled brightly. "Lovely. Lily and I were going to get some lunch, you're welcome to join us?"

Petunia's mouth dropped and she looked over nervously to where Vernon was waiting. "No..thank you."

James smiled and then slung his arm around me again. "Well, it was…interesting to meet you Petunia."

Petunia nodded briskly and then ran off into the arms of Vernon who was throwing us the dirtiest looks.

I looked up at James, eyes wide in awe.

"I'm sorry about that Evans, but she shouldn't have been so rude to you."

I leant in and placed a small kiss on his neck, earning me a small gasp. "Thank you."

James smiled and led me down the street again. "Wow, can we hire your sister out for me to tell off more often? I'm liking the outcome."

I elbowed him hard. "Shut up."

James just smiled brightly and I was struck by just how beautiful he was when he was like this. I made a personal note to make him laugh more often.

"Admiring me Evans?" he asked playfully.

I nudged him in return. "You'll never find out."

Before he could stop me I was running down the street and laughing, I swear if I had wings I would be flying.

"So, is this the part where I kiss you good night?" James asked as we stood on my front porch as the sun was going down.

I smiled, blissfully happy. "This is the part where I tell you I'll see you later."

James shrugged. "I had to at least try. Well good night Lily, I had an amazing day."

I place my hand on his shoulder and give him a kiss on the cheek. "I did too, we make a good pair."

James' face lights up. "Yeah, we are. Well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

He began to walk back down the path when I remembered something. "James wait!"

He pauses and waits for me to catch up. I hand him back the mirror. "That's the reason I like you too," I whisper and then quickly run inside. I swear I can hear him jumping up and down screaming 'YES!' as I shut the door and turn around to an empty house.

This was weird. I call out to my family as I move from room to room and no one replies. It's eerily quiet and feels wrong as I walk alone in the dark.

Chills crept up my spine as panic began to spread. Something was very, very wrong.

They were no where to be found and everything was untouched and left perfectly in its place, it was although they hadn't been home at all, which was beyond weird.

I opened up the door to my room and my heart sank. It has been completely trashed, my things were thrown all over the place, although it didn't appear that anything had been taken.

I looked down to find a photo frame smashed and I screamed.

It was a photo of my whole family, written on the faces of my parents were a number one and two, petunia had a three and lastly my face had a number four.

The war had finally come and it was right at my front door step.


	17. Chapter 17

JAMES

When the owl came three weeks later I was expecting some news from Lily about how she was handling life with her own personal ministry guards. I was expecting maybe something from Sirius who was out house hunting with Remus or even Frank giving me details of the engagement party that was looking to be a massive affair in only two weeks time. I was not, however expecting this.

As I stared down at the words, I almost convinced myself it was a joke, a sick joke someone had played on me, maybe from Severus Snape or someone because there was no way this could be real.

Something fell out of the envelope and my knees almost gave way. Oh no. It really was happening. I had to talk to my parents, they could fix this…understanding.

"Mum!" I shrieked, running out of the room, leaving the Head Boy badge discarded on the bed.

"We are _so_ proud of you!" Mum squealed for the fifth time. "I can't believe it!"

"Mum, you don't get it, you need to fix this!"

"Fix what?" Dad asked as he walked into the kitchen.

Mum ran right into his arms and showed him the badge. "James made Head Boy!"

"Oh Jimmy, well done mate! That's fantastic, doing the Potter name proud!"

I grunted in annoyance, didn't they understand? How was I meant to be a role model for anyone when I would be breaking the rules with Sirius in ways they could never even imagine?

"Dad, this isn't fantastic, this is horrible!" I moaned. "How am I meant to have fun now?"

Dad pulled me in for a massive group hug. "Don't be stupid! This is great news, you get to lead the whole school in this time of great need, you can inspire others to strive for greatness like you _and_ you get your own dormitory."

I perked up at that little fact. "My own dormitory?"

"Yeah didn't you know? You and the head girl get your own dormitory and common room."

I grin as I imagine Sirius getting stopped mid-insult with that little fact. "Sirius might actually try to kill me for that right."

Mum laughed. "I wouldn't think so, I've never seen anyone so infatuated with someone before Sirius and Carla."

"Mum do you know how wrong that sentence sounds?" I asked with a laugh.

"James I have told you for years that Sirius would be the perfect boyfriend, he was just lacking the right girl to give him the challenge he needs to stay interested," mum scolded.

I shared a look with my dad. _Yeah right_

At that moment Sirius strolled into the kitchen looking rather pleased with himself, he stopped when he saw us all packed into a hug.

"What happened? Who did Evans piss off this time that she needs protecting from?"

"Oh no," mum gushed. "Lily is doing just fine, it's James, he's made head boy!"

Sirius was expressionless for about three seconds and then he was hunched over howling with laughter. "You're kidding right?"

Mum rose up indignantly. "Of course not, and just what is so funny Sirius, my James has always had it in him to lead the school to victory!"

Sirius bit his lip to stop from laughing before replying. "In Quidditch maybe but this is different, this is being _responsible_ and setting and example. How many letters have you gotten over the years due to our behaviour?"

Mum stiffens and I know that she can't even count the number of owls that have been sent, worse is that we haven't even been caught for a third of the stuff we've done.

"He's going to be just fine," she replied much less sure this time.

Dad steps in and pinches Sirius's cheek. "You're just jealous mate, Jimmy here gets his own dormitory, he shares with the head girl."

As predicted the smile is wiped off Sirius's face. "You…what?"

I nod and notice my mum hand my dad a Galleon.. "You heard them, I get my own dorm."

He grips my shirt with both hands roughly. "If Carla gets Head Girl you do not make any moves you hear me?"

I nod fervently and he releases me just as my dad unhappily hands the Galleon back.

Sirius shakes himself as if to rid the stress from his body and a second later he's back to himself, smiles and everything.

"Anyway, you will all be glad to know that I have found myself my own place! I move in tonight!"

All of our jaws drop. We all knew in some small way that Sirius wouldn't stay forever but we'd all gotten so use to his presence, it felt like he'd always been part of the family he fit in so well. I knew mum had always hoped he'd choose to make his stay permanent.

Dad breaks the silence. "That's great mate, where at?"

"In the hills about thirty minutes broom stick ride from here, it's perfect! You have to come have a look!"

Mum gulps a little and forces a smile for Sirius. "That sounds lovely, let me just go get my purse."

She leaves the room and I have no doubt she's off to have a bit of a cry.

"What did I say?" Sirius asks bewildered.

Dad moves over and gives Sirius's shoulder a little pat. "We'll be ready to leave soon, it's great news for you."

Dad hurries out also and then it's just me and Sirius.

I just shrug at his unspoken question. "So perfect place huh?"

Sirius looks like a little kid at Christmas time. "Yeah! There's two bed rooms so you can always come stay with me if you want, I made sure of that before I bought it, It's nothing as flash as here but I like it, it's small, simple has a cellar that goes down deep and has lots of space for Moony to use and a massive back yard for you know…running around."

I knew exactly what he meant about 'running around', Sirius was the only one of us that sometimes preferred his dog shape to human form. Sometimes if he was in a really bad mood he'd just shift and go for a run and come back a couple hours later, none of us ever questioned him about it, we all had our vices.

"That's great mate, do you need help packing?"

"Nah, did it all this morning, I couldn't sleep I was so excited! You can help me carry the stuff over though."

"No worries."

Mum came back in the kitchen a few minutes later, eyes noticeably red, Dad holding her close in a comforting way.

"We ready?" she asked as brightly as she could.

Sirius looked at her closely and nodded. "Yeah, I'll take you now."

I had to give it to him, it was perfect for Sirius.

The house was hidden in the trees on a massive hill, very secret, very hard to get to and very safe. The inside was furnished with an old brown couch by a fire place with small bean bags around it. There was a small kitchen painted black and white, elegant in their contrast. The main bedroom had a king size poster bed in the middle with a huge television in front of the bed with a dvd stand which I couldn't help but notice housed a lot of muggle girl movies. The ensuite had a large spa in it, the size of a small swimming pool and a shower with two heads, I smirked at myself thinking he'd looked for that especially.

The spare bedroom had already been painted my favourite colour; scarlett. God, how long had he spent here this morning making it perfect? There was a double bed in the middle and a balcony over looking the yard, I realize he's given me this room so I can fly in and out whenever I please.

Lastly the yard, it really is huge, almost the size of the school Quidditch pitch. Tress grow tall and thick around it so again there is lots of privacy. I smile to myself, everything about this place is Sirius.

"It's wonderful," mum tells him in a broken voice.

Sirius stares at her in alarm. "Claire…"

"Oh I'm fine," she tells him briskly. "Just being silly."

Sirius steps forward and gives her a big hug. "I'm going to miss you, you were the best mum ever. Thank you, really, for inviting me into your home and family when I had none, I don't think I can ever repay you for that."

Mum starts to cry and Sirius rubs her back gently.

"I didn't t-think you'd be l-leaving so s-soon!" she wailed. "I really do l-love you, l-like m-my son."

Sirius gave her a peck on the forehead and smiled. "Just think of how much the washing is going to decrease in size!"

Mum chuckled a bit and then with a final peck and hug was gone.

Dad came next and pulled Sirius into a tight hug, getting quite emotional himself. "You're a good bloke Sirius, and you are _always_ welcome do you hear me? We love you son."

Sirius bites the inside of his cheek and I can see he's starting to break a bit too. "Come on Harold, we're all men here, we're not meant to be this emotional!"

Dad chuckles and thumps Sirius on the back. "Sunday lunch, you're to come every time do you understand?"

Sirius nods and thumps dads back in return. "Like I'd ever pass up roast lamb and company with the Potters."

"Don't be a stranger," Dad tells him and there strides out of the room.

I stand there staring at Sirius and smile awkwardly. "And then here were two huh?"

Sirius nodded. "Yep, then there were two."

I think back to all the times I've had with Sirius in my house and I'm sure he's doing the same. Pancakes for break fast in the mornings, fresh sets of roses for my mum, staging plays for my family just to make us laugh, hours of talking about everything together. Sadness starts to overwhelm me as I realize how empty the house is going to be now.

"Oh no, don't you start," he warns.

Ignoring him I pull him into a massive bear hug. "I'm gonna miss you man, as annoying as you are, it's definitely not going to be as fun with out you."

Sirius chokes down what might be a sob and hugs me back. "I love you, even though you irritate the fuck out of me when you won't man up with Evans."

I grinned and let him go. "I better go, mum's going to be having a meltdown."

Sirius smiles and gives me a wave. "Yeah you better head off, Carla's coming over later," he wiggled his eyebrows at me. "I'm hoping at least for second base."

I shake my head and chuckle. "See you later."

With a pop I'm back home and my mum's wailing. I take a deep breath, pick up a tissue box and head to their bedroom.

I wake up the next morning to an owl pecking my nose. "Ouch!"

I open my eyes and see that it's Lily's owl Onyx. "Alright, alright," I mutter, fetching him some treats and opening the letter.

_**James**_

_**I have to be quick because I'm on the way to the muggle hospital with my dad, he had a heart attack on the way to work this morning and I think he might have been jinxed too. Please tell your mum and meet me here, it's the one we walked past when you were down here, near the lolly shop.**_

_**Lily x**_

I quickly scribbled a reply that I would be there soon and tore through the house looking screaming for mum.

"James! What is it?"

"We're going to the muggle hospital now," I told her taking hand of her arm.

She pulled out of my grasp. "I beg your pardon, just what is going on?"

I took a deep breath reminding myself that I needed to be calm. "Lily's dad had a heart attack, Lily thinks he may have been jinxed, I need you to please, _please_ come to the hospital and check him out."

"Why isn't he at St Mungo's? We have better treatments."

I pulled mums arm again and dragged her towards the study where dad was bound to be. "Because they're muggle mum, they are going to want to stick to their comfort zone."

As suspected dad was sitting at his desk busily working on reports. "Dad! Good you're here, Lily's dad has had a heart attack, she suspects wizard involvement, you need to inform the ministry that foul play may have been had, mum and I are going to check it out."

Dad just blinked at me, taking a few moments to take it all in. "Lily's father? Why would he be a target?"

I stamped my foot impatiently. "Because Bellatrix wants to hurt Lily so she promised to kill her family, can we go now?"

Dad's mouth dropped and then he was on his feet. "My word, yes, go I'll join you shortly."

Before I knew it we were in the hospital and I was frantically looking for Lily, the women at the reception desk were idiots and refused to help me unless I could prove I was family.

"Listen here," I told them coldly. "I need to find my girlfriend ok? It's imperative, she needs me, her father needs me!"

The grey hair lady just looked at me, uninterested. "You need proof of idea and to fill these forms out."

"Gah!" I cried out, storming away and kicking a strange machine. A small can rolled out. Shrugging to myself I pulled it out and then saw my mum talking her to the lady. Within moments my own mother had succeeded where I had failed.

"Intensive care, room 45, let's go," she whispered pulling me along quickly.

"Mum, why are we running so fast and how did you find out so quick?"

Mum bit her lip and looked ashamed. "I may have used magic…"

My mouth dropped and I stared at her in wonder.

"I'm awful aren't I? I just couldn't stand the thought of poor Lily and her poor family."

I gave my mum my biggest smile yet. "I'm impressed! I can't believe I hadn't thought of that! Look at you, breaking the law to do good, you've still got it mum!"

Mum smiled brightly at me and then stopped as we reached the room.

"Alright, perhaps you should go in first?" she suggested.

I nodded, "Come with me though."

I opened the door and quietly we entered, Lily looked up and as she saw me ran right into my arms.

"Oh thank you, thank you both so much for coming."

I rubbed her back and tried to whisper soothing things into her ear.

"Lily?" her mum called. "Who's this?"

Lily took my hand and led me over. "Mum, this is James, my special friend, James with is my mum Rose."

I held my hand out. "Nice to meet you."

A shaking hand gripped mine and lily's almond shaped green eyes looked up at me from her mothers face.

"Yes…"

"Mum, this is James' mum Claire, she's a nurse, she's going to have a look at dad for us, see if there's anything she could do."

Mum stepped forward and held out her hand. "Pleasure to meet you, I'm so sorry about the circumstance."

Rose launched herself at mum and sobbed into her arms. "Thank you for coming, thank you."

Mum rubbed her back and then motioned to me that we should leave.

I took Lily's hand and gently drew her out of the room, moments later her mum and Petunia followed.

"This is all _their_ fault mum," Petunia hissed.

Rose looked weary. "Petunia, not right now please, your father had a heart attack, that's all."

"Then why is _her_ kind having a look at him, I bet you she did it mum, I bet she's trying to kill us all!"

Rose slapped Petunia across the face hard. "How _dare_ you, that is your sister you are talking about. Apologise at once!"

"No," Petunia said stubbornly and left.

Rose slid down the wall and I held the can I still held out to her, "Would you like a drink Mrs Evans?"

She looked at the can in my hand as if surprised I would offer such a thing, then slowly her hand clasped around it. "Thank you."

I gave her shoulder a small squeeze. "You're welcome. Can I get you a blanket or anything Mrs Potter?"

She shook her head and turned away from me.

I looked back to see Lily staring at me strangely. "What?"

"You dropped everything to come here for me."

"Um…yeah?"

"You made your mum come here right away too, even though she was probably busy."

"I know Evans, I was there when I told my mum, did I do something wrong?"

"Thank you," she told me softly. "You're really amazing do you know that?"

Too shocked for words I just squeezed her hand.

We sat outside the room in silence for twenty minutes before my mum came out. One look of her face and I already knew.

"What happened?" Rose asked, clinging to my mum.

Mum sighed. "I tried everything I knew, and still no change. His heart…it's laboring far too hard and he's not a young man anymore…"

Lily stood up straight and faced my mum defiantly. "What are you trying to say?"

LILY

Claire turned her sad eyes to me and I already knew without her saying it. "I'm so sorry."

"No!" my mum shrieked and began pounding on Claire's back as she held her. "No, you're lying, you'e lying! He's going to be fine!"

Tears fell down my face and I didn't really even notice them. I took two shaky steps forward and whispered in Claire's ear. "Was their magic involved?"

"Yes," she replied quietly

I nodded. That was all I needed to hear. With out another word I began to walk into my fathers room to check for myself, James followed and I could hear my mothers screams being joined with Petunia's as soon as I reached the bed.

He looked so tiny in this bed, so young and out of place, yet he was peaceful. Like he was in a good dream.

I picked up his hand, it was so cold to touch, and kissed it.

"Daddy?"

There was no reply.

"Daddy I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. But I promise you I will not let anything happen to mum or Petunia."

Body wracked with inconsolable sobs, I threw myself across his body and cried so hard I sounded like a howling wolf. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

I told him, again and again as he lay lifeless beneath me, his spark dying, now just a shell.

James tried to pull me away but I ignored him and held on. I was joined by my mum and Petunia who were instructed by the muggle doctors as well as Claire that they weren't sure how long he had left and to say our goodbyes now.

Petunia roughly pushed me aside and I stood awkwardly watching my family together in this time of need and yet not being a part of it.

"I love you daddy," I repeated and then I turned and walked out of the room.

I could sense James following me and I couldn't have that, not where I was going. Turning around briskly I called 'stupefy!' James fell and I walked over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sorry."

I left him there trusting the hospital staff to look after him and continued on my journey, I waited until I was a safe distance away before I apparated.

Severus was sitting on the slide when I apparated a few feet in front of him.

"Lily!"

"I knew you'd be here," I told him. "This was always your favourite place."

He looked like he wanted to correct me but shook the thought off quickly. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here."

"Take me to Bellatrix."

"What?"

"Take. Me. To. Bellatrix."

"Are you mad? Do you know what she'd do to you?"

"She killed my dad Severus, so it's only fitting, a life for a life."

Severus' eyes widened in horror. "No… she wouldn't…"

"Well, she did. Where is she?"

"You can't kill her?"

"Why? Because she's so superior than me? Because I'm a mudblood?" I asked, voice rising.  
"Because you're _better_ than that!" he yelled back.

I was growing impatient of everyone's assumption of what I was and wasn't capable of. "Tell me where she is Severus or I'll call her here myself and then you're going to get in my way."

"I don't know where she is, so leave."

"How can you not know?" I demanded.

"I just don't ok, now just get out of here and leave me alone, we're not friends anymore!"

I almost turned to leave when a thought struck me. "She's meeting you here isn't she? That's why you want me to leave!"

I saw the truth in his eyes before he could lie smoothly. "No she's not, I just came here for some peace."

"You're a liar," I told him. "And a coward."

Anger filled his eyes and he pointed his wand at me. "I am _not_ a coward, now leave or I will be forced to hurt you."

"So hurt me," I challenged.

He raised his wand and then there was a pop and he was unconscious on the ground.

What the? Had his spell back fired?

"He'll be mad at me for that," I turned around to face Bellatrix, Regulus and Avery. "But he does tend to get in the way of you and I."

I gripped my wand and circled around her. "I'm going to kill you."

"Is that what you think?" she asked, clearly amused.

"Regulus, Avery, take Snape away and make sure you keep him there, we need a little girl time over here."

Regulus hesitated and looked at me regretfully then with a poke from Avery, grabbed one of Severus's arms and was gone.

"How's daddy dearest?"

Anger fueled the hatred in my body and I cursed without thinking. Bellatrix shrieked and then started to laugh. "Evans! I'm surprised at you, you actually have some fire, maybe Severus is right and you do have some uses."

"He was nothing to you!" I screamed. "Why couldn't you have hurt me!"

Bellatrix laughed as she ran behind the cover of trees. "But you _are_ hurt because he _did_ mean something to you. All I did was scare him, it's not my fault his poor little heart couldn't take it."

I screamed in anger and recklessly through a curse in her direction.

"Missed me, missed me!" Bellatrix sang and then I couldn't see because a cut in my forehead had been opened.

"See? You've got to really mean it, this isn't a children's game Mudblood."

I angrily swiped at the blood and saw Bellatrix, I cursed on instinct and she cried out in pain.

"How was that for meaning it?" I snarled, ducking behind the slide and ripping the end of my skirt to bandage my forehead.

"_Crucio!"_

I had never felt such pain before, it was like my whole body was burning and twisting and I couldn't move or do anything to stop it. Every time I felt the pain was starting to lessen it would come back twice as bad until out of the blue it stopped and I was looking up into Bellatrix's sneering face.

"How did that feel Mudblood? I'm just starting with you."

I kicked out at her chest and she went tumbling backward with a gasp of air. I conjured up enough effort to roll onto my side and slowly get to my feet.

Bellatrix did the same and we were facing each other again. "Are you tired of playing games little girl? Would you like me to end this for you?"

I ran head first and landed a punch to her face, breaking her nose and causing Bellatrix to drop her wand. "That's revenge, mudblood style," I hissed, wiping the blood off my forehead again.

Hatred in her eyes she got to her feet and charged at me, I followed her lead and ran at her too, ready to spill blood, needing to make her hurt like I was hurting.

On impact we fell to the floor and both struggled to gain leverage. Finally we ended up with Bellatrix on top of me, dripping blood onto my face.

"I'm going to enjoy killing you," she told me and I knew if I didn't do something she would.

I gripped my wand, taking solace in the fact that hers was still on the floor and out of her reach.

Viciously she punched me right in the mouth and I felt a tooth come loose, I smiled and thought of how shocked she and everyone else would be when I showed her what I was really made of.

I raised my wand and then Bellatrix was ripped off me and I was thrown onto James Potter's back.

"No!" I screamed, struggling to get back on the ground. "NO!"

I kicked myself free and landed on the kitchen floor.

I almost had her! I almost got revenge on my father and James Potter ruined it trying to be a hero.

He reached out for me and I kicked him away. "How dare you, I was doing fine on my own!"

James mouth turned up into a sneer. "Oh really? Next chance you get, take a look in the mirror, you do not look fine to me!"

"I was going to kill her and you ruined it!" I screamed.

"Killing her isn't going to bring your dad back and I can't imagine he'd be proud of you doing it," he told me quietly.

"I hate you," I replied and at the moment I felt I did. "I never, ever want to see you again!"

"Fine!" he yelled. "But before you go off and get yourself killed, get my mum to fix you up so you're not already half dead when you get there."

Hearing him say that my body started to ache and I knew I really did need medical assistance.

"Fine," I replied. "But I'm doing it for me, not because you asked. And just for future reference, next time you feel like you need to save me, do me a favour and _don't_, I can do fine on my own!"

I turned around and stalked into the medical room, leaving James Potter alone, this time he didn't even try to follow me, nor was he surprised.


	18. Chapter 18

Hey everyone! Wow, I have had a horrible couple days, I lost the stuff I'd originally written so I had to start all over again! So frustrating. I know the James/Lily drama has been getting intense but fear not, things are starting to pick up. Also, I just realised I didn't up load my edited version of the previous chapter which had my thank you's. I am so sorry about that! To everyone that subscribed for the last chapter and the one before, THANK YOU. And to my reviewers from chapters 16 and 17 you really light up my world :D Big cuddles to;

**Shroomy-eyes, ****Psychokillerhoney****, ****Opa12****, Jenny129, ****VampyreGirl23****, ****The DA is dressed to the nines****, ****JazzHalesBabyGurl****, ****.lvr****, ****The-Ruby-Butterfly****, ****DelightfulSmiles****, ****Adorkably Adorkable****, potter06, chloe'sfire, Ash, ****JacobsImprintGirl****, Ellie 3, Skylar Jones.**

And a very special thanks to **hpdreamer500** who took the time to review each chapter, as promised, this one is for you :D

JAMES

Anger over whelmed me. How could she be so stupid? So reckless? Did she honestly think that she could have taken a human life? That she could live with herself after?

_I hate you!_ Her words echoed in my head and on instinct I punched a hole in the wall, I felt my knuckles pop and then there was wetness. I looked down to see my hand shaking and bleeding. Shit, this was all I needed.

I took five deep breaths and forced myself to take steady steps towards my mums office, not even aware of the pain in my hand but all too aware of the pieces breaking in my chest.

When I got to the door my mum was already fussing over already fussing over Lily, looking concerned and suspicious all at once.

I knocked lightly, leaving blood all over the door and they both looked up in surprise.

"James! What happened?"

I ignored mum and turned my gaze to Lily who looked for a second to be remorseful.

"I need to speak to Lily," was all I said in a dead voice. "How long will you be?"

"What about your-?"

"I'm fine," I replied cutting mum off, knowing full well I wasn't.

"I've stopped the bleeding, she just needs rest now," mum told me quietly.

"Can I have a few minutes alone with her then? I promise you can fuss over me after."

Mum fixed me with a look that told me I would have a lot of explaining to do after and then briskly left the room.

"I don't even know why you-"

"Shut up," I snarled at Lily and her mouth remained opened but no noise came out. "For once you are going to shut the _hell up and listen_."

My whole body shook from exhaustion rage and blood loss, but I continued on, pushing everything to the back and away from my attention; I'd deal with them later.

"You could have gotten yourself killed out there do you know that? They could have kidnapped you and tortured you into telling them anything they wanted and used it against us. You, are pathetic," I spat. "Do you think daddy would be proud to know his daughter was going to be a murderer? Because that's what it would have been!"

"This is war," she whispered weakly in defence.

"Yes, it is," I replied, voice still hard. "But you are _not_ are a warrior. You are a little girl with no control, I get that you want revenge, no one should ever have to lose someone like that, but if you want it, you do it when you're trained, when you're prepared and when you're not alone! You can hate me all you want, I'm past caring but if you think I'm going to let you march to your death than you have another thing coming. Pull your head in and fall in rank, this isn't all about you."

I didn't mean to be so harsh, to didn't mean to scream at her but it was all coming out, all my anger all my fear just propelled me forward and I couldn't stop myself.

Sharp nails raked my cheek as she launched herself at me and began hitting me in any place she could reached. I stood there and took it, she needed to let her anger out some way, it was only fitting that it should be me; her emotional punching bag.

It's not long before her punches get weaker and then she's limp in my arms, crying hysterically.

I sigh deeply how can I stay mad at her when her dad has just died and she was just trying to find a way to deal with it? I start to pat her back before scooping her up into my arms and carrying her towards my room, I use my foot to kick the door open and then shut it after before taking her to my bed and lying down with her. She curls herself into a ball around me and rock her slowly backwards an forwards.

"Shh, you're safe, I'm here," I murmur again and again, hoping I'm proving some semblance of comfort.  
"It's n-not f-f-air!" she wails.

"I know," I tell her softly. And it isn't, war never is but that doesn't make it suck any less.

We lie there for a good half an hour before Lily calms down enough to be able to talk properly. "I'm sorry."

"I know, it's ok," I reply.

"No, it's not," she tells me flatly. "I was stupid and reckless today and you were right,"

I shrug because I'm not even sure what to say in reply, I don't think Lily has ever sincerely apologised to me and admitted I was right all at once.

"I've been so awful to you for so long haven't I?"

"Define awful?" I ask with a smile.

Lily stiffens and I kick myself for joking at a time like this.

"I'm really am sorry," she touches my cheek where she's scratched me.

I put my hand on hers and slowly pull it away. "Hey, I wasn't exactly hero of the hour before, I said some pretty awful things too."

"I deserve a lot worse," she whispers.

What am I meant to say to that? "We're even ok?"

Lily barks out a laugh. "Even? James, I have been nothing but awful to you since day one, so from my calculations, you have at least another five years worth of hurting me in return."

I tilt her chin up to so she's looking at me. "I don't every want to be the reason you cry ok? I want only to make you happy, always."

A faint blush colours her cheeks and she smiles softly.

"Hey, for what it's worth, I am genuinely so sorry about your dad."

One single tear falls down her cheek. "Me too, I don't know how life is ever going to be the same now."

The short answer is that it won't, but I'm not likely to tell her that, she's miserable enough as it is.

"You looked like you were kicking some serious arse today," I tell her and I get a little burst of happiness when I see her grin.

"I was, wasn't I?"

"I'm not sorry that I came to get you, because I don't think it's wrong, but I am sorry I didn't get to see you hurt that bitch even more."

Lily giggled. "I'm pretty sure I broke her nose, I'd love to see the looks on her little death eaters faces when she tells them a mudblood gave her a run for her money."

"You're not a mudblood," I tell her quietly. "You're the sexiest, bravest, arse kicking witch I've ever met."

Lily laughs dryly. "I'm also a little girl who thinks the world revolves around her."

I peck her on the forehead lightly. "My world does Evans."

There's three timid knocks on the door and I know without looking that it's mum; Sirius and my dad just walk in.

"Come in!"

Hesitantly she pokes her head through the door at us. "Just checking to see if everyone was still alive."

I give her my biggest pretend smile. "We're doing good mum."

"Good. Lily would you like to stay for dinner sweat heart?"

I'm about to tell mum that Lily probably wants to get back to her family when Lily cuts across me.

"I would love to Mrs. Potter."

"Please call me Claire, I've left some fresh clothes in the bath room for you, I figured you might want to freshen up, James I still need to look at your hand too. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."

Her head disappears from the doorway and I look down to see my bed blood stained as well as patches of Lily's clothes. "Shit Evans, I'm so sorry, I think I've ruined your jacket."

Lily laughs and gestures to the rest of her clothes; not torn and filthy. "Right, because I was so clean and perfectly presented before."

I grin sheepishly. "You definitely have a habit of looking far too tempting in the toughest of times."

Lily flicks her hair and goes to get up. "It's a skill."

I remember my original thought of her parents and I put all joking aside. "Did you want to send an owl to your mum or something to tell her that you're safe?"

Lily's face drops. "I wanted to talk to you about that…"

I raise an eyebrow in question. "Talk on."

"It's not safe for my family anymore, especially being around me so I was thinking that your dad could talk to the ministry about putting them in like, witness protection or something? And I would just never go home to make the risk of being targeted a little less likely."

My eyes almost fall out of my head. "Do you know what you're proposing? That means you would never be able to go back, that you would effectively be saying goodbye to your whole family."

Lily exhaled a deep breath. "I know."

"Well dad says they're trialling this new charm where there is a secret keeper who alone knows the location of those being hunted and no one else can find them without the secret keeper telling them, we could maybe do that for their house, work and school and keep regular patrols for when they're out in public, they wouldn't even need to change their names; just move suburbs," I replied.

"That would mean so much to me, how soon can it be done?"

"We'll talk to dad about it tonight, are you even going to say goodbye to them?"

Lily shook her head sadly. "It would be too hard, better they think I ran away."

"They'll hate you," it wasn't even a question.

"I know, but I love them enough to let them."

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to get my head around it all. "Ok, if this is really what you want, I'll make sure it happens. Where are you going to stay?"

"I'm still working that out, probably an orphanage until I can get a job to support myself."

A dirty home where they wouldn't even give her the care she deserved and needed? Screw that, not on my watch.

"You can stay here," I tell her, staring into her eyes deeply. "We have plenty of room, you'd even have your own space, you wouldn't even have to see me half the time if you didn't want. Stay here, my parents will almost certainly insist on it anyway."

Soft hands caressed my face. "That's really sweet James, but I couldn't do that, I need to find my own ground."

"At least for tonight then?" I prod.

She nods and smiles at me gently. "Ok, I'll stay tonight."

I have to strongly resist the urge to punch my fist in the air. "Awesome, well I better go get my hand sorted out and explain everything to my parents, I'll see you down for dinner soon ok?"

Throwing her arms around me Lily presses herself close to my body. "Thank you," she whispers, and then she disappears out the door to have a shower.

I can still feel her warmth as I slowly make my way down to mum.

LILY

There is nothing better than a hot shower to make you feel relaxed. I could spend hours in here, letting my skin prune, there was something so soothing about the steam and warmth that enveloped me that seemed to melt the iciness deep within my body. I could have stayed here until the water ran cold, but I couldn't because this wasn't my home; I no longer had one.

Sighing, I turned the water off, wrapped myself up in a towel and stepped out of the shower. I dried myself off inspecting the bruises on my body as I went. God, I don't think I have ever spent so much time being injured than I have this year; what was worse was that there wasn't a very high possibility that it was going to stop occurring.

As I wrapped my hair in a towel after dressing I stood facing the steam covered mirror, trying to work up the courage to check just how badly I'd had _my_ arse kicked.

I quickly swiped the steam away before I lost my nerve.

A complete stranger stared back at me. The girl in the mirror had a big cut across her forehead that was still red from fresh blood, her lips were swollen to three times the size they usually were , bruises covered her face in ugly purple and yellow patches and her eyes were lifeless and empty. God what had I become? Some kind of monster?

I thought back to how sure I had been that I could kill Bellatrix, that it was going to be as easy as casting any other spell, my reflection held the truth. I had not been doing as well as I thought, in fact, Bellatrix had the upper hand because even though I had been armed, I knew deep down I could never have killed her.

I wrenched myself away from the image and unwrapped the towel from my head, finger combing my ends. This was not who I wanted to be, this was not who my parents had brought me up to be, and this was not going to be me for a second longer. Standing up straight I made a vow to myself that instead of taking lives, I was going to work hard to save them. James was right, I may not be a soldier yet, but I will be.

James. I owed him so much. His kindness, his compassion and his bravery that he had shown just for me was enough to make me realise I had been wrong about him. I hated being in debt to people, so I was going to work so hard from now on to make it up to James Potter, even if it took me the rest of my life.

*

"Absolutely I can do that for you gorgeous," Harold told me once we'd finished dinner and we'd discussed my plans for my family. "I'm just so sorry you had to go through this."

"My dad would have called it character building," I replied quietly.

Claire gave my hand a squeeze. "Are you sure you don't want to go back to your parents? We could triple the protection to ensure everyone's safety?"

It sounded so tempting but I knew I couldn't do that, for their sake I had to be strong. Petunia would look after mum and vice versa, I would really only get in the way.

"I'm sure, but thank you."

"Well, where are you going to stay dear?"

"We're still figuring that out," James replied. "But could Lily stay here tonight?"

Claire's face lit up. "Of course you can sweet heart! It's not even a question! You know you could stay with us permanently if you wanted to? There is always a place for you here."

I smiled, flattered. "Thank you, so much, but I really need to try and work this out for myself, you've done too much already."

"Nonsense," Harold told me. "I've never seen Jimmy so happy, even if you say no tonight, it's an open invitation, you can come here for however long you want, whenever you want."

I have no words to tell them how grateful I am. In fact, I think I might cry. Here is this family who has opened their home and heart to a girl who has made their son miserable for years and is responsible for the death of her father. Here they are treating me like I'm more than just a simple muggle born, they're treating me like family.

"Just think on it," Harold tells me with a wink.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to make you room up for you," Claire says. "Harold come help, I need you to help me move some things around."

James rolls his eyes, but smiles at his parents. "She's only going to be sleeping there you know,"

Claire waves his comment away and pulls Harold up with her. "I know you must be exhausted, give us half an hour and it will be all ready for you to rest up!"

They both almost skip out of the room.

"You have such an amazing family," I tell James, as he clears the plates and starts washing up.

"Guess it skipped a generation right?" he replies.

I pick up a towel and start drying the dishes. "I was going to say I can see where you got it from."

James moves close enough for our noses to touch. "You hit your head pretty hard didn't you?"

I giggle and slap some bubbles on his face. "I can be nice you know!"

James laughs. "I know you can, I just never thought I'd be worthy."

I nudge him with my hip and give him a soft smile, hoping he interprets as an apology and thank you all in one.

He blows the bubbles so they land in my face. I guess that's a good enough 'I forgive you' for me.

*

The room is beautiful. The walls are painted a soft peach colour, there's a big bed pushed next to an open window with billowy curtains. Somehow they've managed to get a TV in here and it's set up on a beautifully carved, wooden chest of drawers. I open the drawers to find I already have some of my things in there. Wow. Just wow.

I change into my favourite Eeyore shorts and tank top and crawl into bed.

I feel so small in here, so empty and as comfy as the bed is; there is still something missing. I toss and turn for a good hour, trying to find a comfortable spot, to try and tire myself out but nothing works.

It's a mild night, no chill at all in the air and yet I'm still cold. Ice queen Lily Evans, from the inside to out.

Acting on impulse I throw the covers off and start to jog on my tip toes down the hall to the one person I know can warm me.

As I'm about to knock on the door he opens it and he looks surprised then sheepish.

"I was just coming to check you had everything you need," he explains.

"I'm cold," I reply and it's all I need to say for him to take my hand and lead me to his bed and then wrap himself around me.

Nothing has ever felt so right and I have never felt so complete.

I think of how close we've grown in the past year, how blind I'd been for five years. I think back on camp and how good he was to me, how gentle, protecting and caring. Damn, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to repay the debt.

"James?" I whispered after sometime.

"Yes?"

"Truth or dare?"

He chuckles. "What is it with you muggles and your forms of amusement? Truth."

"How old were you when you had your first kiss?"

"Twelve, it almost put me off girls for life, how about you?"

"Eleven and I thought it meant I was going to have to marry him,"

James shook with laughter. "You are a treasure Evans. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Who's the hottest guy in our year?"

Urgh, what an awkward question! It was obviously a toss up between James or Sirius and either answer was humiliating. I try to find a way out of the question but there really isn't one.

"I guess you," I mutter.

James actually claps his hands. "Brilliant, that's my ego sated for at least another week!"

"Shut up, how about you? Which girl?"

James snorts. "Honestly Evans, as if you even need to ask, it was always been you from day one."

I don't even know why this little statement flatters me so much, but it does.

After another twenty minutes of finding out each other's favourite things, I ask the question I've been dying to ask since the forest excursion.

"Did you make those stories up?" I ask. "About the fortune teller, I mean."

"Why would I lie?"

"To keep me distracted from the pain, work at getting in my pants."

He gets up abruptly and I start to panic that I've once again pushed any progress we've made another forty steps back.

He crawls back in after a few minutes and silently hands me something. I reach around for my wand and then light it up.

It's the lovers card. The one he said she gave him at the fair.

I just lie there in silence looking at it until I can memories each of the faces on the card, I can memorize every detail.

When he thinks I'm asleep, he presses his lips to my cheek. "I love you Lily Evans."

I grip the card tighter, almost like it's a lifeline, then I fall asleep with a smile on my face.


	19. Chapter 19

Wow, the past reviews were so sweet you guys, means so much, so for a treat I updated quickly for you, although I'm a little nervous about matching the standard! To my subscribers, thank you! And to my reviewers who mean the world to me;

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JAMES

"Oi Prongs, have you seen my tie?"

I was trying desperately to form my hair into some kind of sleek style which didn't make me look like a greasy Snivellous when Sirius called out.

"It's on your door handle remember?" I called back.

"Oh I know," he replied a little slyly. "Just wanted to make sure you did."

I grinned at my reflection and smoothed down the front of my suit. I cleaned up pretty good.

"How do I look?" I asked my reflection.

There was a pause and then writing began to form in front of my eyes.

_Very suave. You're looking tasty enough to eat. Sexy becomes you, just not as well as Sirius._

I had to laugh, trust Sirius to create a biased mirror that was meant to only tell the truth.

"Just say Sirius didn't exist…"

_Such a world would be barren of beauty._

I burst out laughing. Touché my friend.

Taking a final look and nodding in satisfaction I walked out of my sometimes bedroom and into the living room where Remus was waiting.

He looked really good, he'd even put some kind of product in his hair which suited him better than his usual lifeless locks, he even seemed to be more relaxed which made added to his looks.

"You look good mate," I told him.

He grinned back up at me. "You clean up nicely yourself."

I spin around slowly flourishing the end with a bow. "I do, don't I?"

Remus chuckled, then looked down at his watch, irritation replaced the smile. "Padfoot, we need to leave now, Frank is going to curse us to next year if we're any later."

Sirius swept out of his bedroom, jumped on a chair and swirled around even slower than I did. "I'm trying to figure out which is my bad side so I can avoid it for the cameras, but I'm beginning to think I don't have one. What do you think?"

"I think your head is getting too big to even fit in the pictures," I reply, pushing him off the chair. "Now let's go."

He grabs my arm to stop me. "Just wait a second ok?"

Remus groans. "Not another speech, please not another speech."

Sirius grabs Remus so we're all huddled in together. "This is important ok? Parties like this provide the best atmosphere and chances to cozy up the most beautiful, drunk and horny girls…"

"You have a girlfriend," I pointed out.

Sirius's head sagged. "I know! And so does Remus, so what I'm trying to say is, you are the only semi-single guy here, so tonight is going to be a great night to gain some much needed experience."

I smiled to myself. Semi-single, what a perfect way to describe the semi relationship I had with Lily.

"Sirius, I'm not interested in hooking up with any girls at the engagement party, I'm going for Frank and Alice."

Sirius stamped his feet. "Just hear me out ok? You might even find you agree with my brilliance for once, what you need to do is…"

I looked around Remus and winked, he winked back. As one we pushed away from Sirius and apparated to the entrance of the park they were having it at.

We landed on unsteady feet laughing.

Sirius joined us moments later and didn't seem to find the humour in it.

"Honestly! I'm trying to _help_ you guys better yourselves! From now on you're on your own!"

He starts to stalk off then stops dead when he notices the decorations, Remus and I do the same.

It is absolutely spectacular and this is only the entrance. There are two columns of tall trees that have been coated with some kind of glitter so they shimmer and change colours every time you turn. There are realistic star lights slung across the tops of the trees spelling out Frank and Alice, so they in fact, lighting up the sky. As we move further down the path ice sculptures of unicorns, swans, sphinx's and other pretty creatures are moving around, even allowing people to climb on and enjoy a little ride. The opening of the forest is a giant marquee with the stars that I have on my ceiling for the roof, purple and silver lights illuminate the place and the tables and chairs have beautiful silk covers with delicious food on top. There looks to be at like a hundred people here.

"Wow, wonder what the wedding will be like," Remus breathes.

"I doubt Frank will even make it that long," Sirius replies, pointing to a life size picture of Frank that has the real Frank hiding behind it.

"We better rescue him," I tell the boys just as a group of giggling girls walks up to us.

They seem to argue amongst themselves and then finally they push a pretty brunette in front of us.

"Hi! I was just um…wondering if you'd like to dance,"

I wait for Sirius to give one of his one liners when I realize she was actually talking to Remus, who looks just as stunned as me.

"Um…sure," he replied softly and leads her out to the dance floor which causes the gang of girls to burst into shrill giggles.

"I guess you do have a bad angle," I tell Sirius with a grin. "It's under Moony's shadow,"

"Come on," he tells me gruffly as we make our way over to Frank.

"You're doing a pretty poor job at being host," I remark.

Frank jumps and then when he notices it's us throws his arms around me and Sirius. "Oh thank god! I can't escape them! My mum's friends keep trying to hand me 'baby making blankets', every male on Alice's side has threatened to kill me at least three times and has been interrogating me about my intentions, my plans for the future and just what exactly I can bring to the table that's going to make me worthy of Alice. Her silly little cousins have been running after me giggling and I have _no_ idea where Alice is!"

As an ice sculpture Phoenix flew slowly by holding a tray of drinks, Sirius quickly plucked three off the tray.

"Here mate, it looks like you could use this."

Frank downed the whole thing in one shot.

I laughed at him. "Mate, this isn't meant to be a massacre so cheer up, it's a celebration of your love."

"When you get married James and your fiancé's dad is ready to face Azkaban just to keep his little girl his, then we'll talk."

Sadness slams into me as I realize the only girl I would ever want to spend my life with is never going to have her dad walk her down the isle. She isn't going to get her father/daughter dance and he's not going to be able to embarrass her at her twenty first in the way muggles tend to do. All these memories she deserves and has every right to and yet, she's going to miss out.

Sirius noticed my face and put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

Out of no where Alice popped up and threw herself into Frank's arms.

"Whoa! Hello!"

Alice gave him a big kiss on the lips. "Hello handsome! I've missed you!"

I looked to Sirius who was pointing at Alice and mouthing 'I told you so'

"I've missed you too," Frank replied. "Been getting into the bubbly?"

Alice giggled. "Maybe. You have been so wonderful tonight; I think you deserve a treat,"

Alice began whispering in Frank's ear and his eyes grew wider and wider as did his grin. "Yes please, can we tell everyone to leave now?"

Alice giggled and shook her head.

"Hey Alice, you look beautiful by the way, do you by any chance have any left of what you've been taking? I'm sure Carla would love some and I would love to after effects of it."

As if just noticing us for the first time Alice's face lit up. "James! Sirius! Oh you both look so good! Have you seen the girls yet? Here, I'll take you to them!"

We almost had to jog to keep up Alice was so excited, she lead us past the clumps of people and into the thick brush. There at the end of it was a small gap to squeeze through where Carla and Lily were sitting, giggles over glasses of champagne.

"So this is where you've been hiding!" Frank said. "Leaving me to fend for myself!"

Alice pulled Frank close. "I put up with your mother asking me if I was going to deliver her a strong and talented grand son for over an hour."

Frank winced. "Sorry about that."

Alice kissed his hand gently. "We're family now, so it's ok."

"Babe!" Sirius burst out, opening his arms while Carla flew into his arms for an over the top kiss.

I looked at Lily and smiled awkwardly. What was the procedure for this? Did we hug? Kiss? High five? Man this semi- single business sucked worse than actually being single.

"You going to say hi or just stand there?" Lily asked as she stood up and gave me a hug.

"Where's Remus?"

I grinned. "He got himself a fan club of girls, probably taking turns dancing with them now."

Lily's jaw dropped. "Seriously? Go Remus!"

Sirius snorted.

"Padfoot over here is a bit jealous he's no longer the centre of attention," I told the group in a stage whisper.

"I am not," Sirius replied sulkily.

Carla grinned and grabbed his arm. "Come on, I'll dance with you, if you're really lucky I might even let you grind against me."

Sirius raised an eyebrow in question. "And put my hands on your butt?"

"Yep, that too."

Sirius grabbed her hand and started dragging her towards to dance floor. "Come on guys, we'll have a dance off, bet you I win!"

Lily laughed and I was surprised when she grabbed my arm, dragging me to follow her. "You've had years of practice Sirius, I have natural talent! Come _on_ James!"

I smiled at Lily indulgently. "Wherever you're going Evans, I'll follow."

As the night went on it really couldn't have been more perfect, the speeches were touching, insightful, funny and at times tear jerker's. Sirius had surprised everyone and given a speech about Frank and Alice being the hope for everyone out there that happy endings were possible in this time of darkness and that they were an inspiration to those around them, by bringing joy into a world being filled with sorrow. He was right. As I watched Frank and Alice holding each other close, their smiles brighter than the stars and illuminating happiness to everyone here I knew Dumbledore was right, that love was going to help us win this war. Without love there is nothing worth fighting for.

"Would you mind if I said a few words?" I asked.

Alice waved me on.

"I'm not that great with words but uh…I just wanted to say that the beauty of love is that it makes you believe the impossible could happen and that it diminished all the darkness, which was what this world needs right now. Without love, we'd have no chance to prevailing, so um…thank you…Frank and Alice, for giving us something so precious to be a part of…yeah."

I sat down quickly, going red.

I jumped in alarm at a loud noise filling the air; I looked around wearily and saw everyone cheering and clapping. Alice was crying and Frank was nodding at me, a bit teary himself.

"That was beautiful," Lily whispered to me, taking my hand in hers.

I shrugged. "The truth isn't always ugly."

Lily smiled and tossed her mane of curls off her shoulder. "You're constantly surprising me Mr. Potter."

I squeezed her hand in return. "I thought you hated surprises?"

"Yours I can deal with."

The speeches wound up and the gifts were given out, then as soon as we could manage it, we were snuck away to our secluded place and Remus, Violet, Sirius, Carla, Frank, Alice, Lily and me lay under the stars that seemed to be shining exceptionally brighter tonight.

"Thanks so much everyone," Alice gushed. "This night was nothing short of perfect, it means so much that you were here."

"Thanks for inviting us," Violet replied. "It was an amazing night, even if I did have to fight those girls for Remus."

We all chuckled.

"Yeah man, you really made me proud tonight," Sirius told him.

"And jealous," I added.

Remus chuckled. "It's my animal magnetism."

"Or the fact that you actually made an effort," Sirius replied.

"Down boys," Lily giggled, head on my chest. "You're both attractive young men."

"But who's your favourite?" Sirius prodded.

"Definitely Peter," Lily replied.

"Where _is_ he anyway?" Carla asked.

"Spends his summers with his mum most of the time," Remus replied. "We see the most of him at school."

"Would have been nice if he came," said Alice.

"Yeah," Frank agreed, "I would have had more back up from your insane family!"

Alice giggled. "I told you I was going to make that up to you."

Frank's eyes lit up. "Now?"

Alice smiled cheekily. "We're spending time with friends…"

In no time Frank had Alice over his shoulder. "Listen guys, we're really _tired_ so we figured we might get some rest, it's been a long day, thanks heaps for coming!"

"Make me proud Longbottom!" Sirius called as Frank sped away.

"I really should be getting home too," Violet said with a bit of regret.

"I'll take you home," Remus offered, holding his arm out for Violet to take.

"I'll see you girls once we've gotten out school stuff for ice cream still next week?"

"Sure will," Lily replied, waving Violet off.

The remaining four of us lay staring at the stars in silence. It really was a beautiful night, but there was an air of sadness too because we knew that these moments we had together, of peace and happiness were to be treasured now and were very, very rare.

LILY

"There needs to be more romantic things like this," Carla said after we'd been lying in silence for awhile.

"It's what the world needs, more love to go around. Oh my gosh, we should become match makers! What do you think?"

God it was so tempting, to be a part of such a happy time, to know that we shared some responsibility in helping people get their happy ending. It was unfortunately just a fairy tale idea though; we really wouldn't have time to help plan weddings when we were fighting to keep people alive.

"How about we make this world one where love isn't something to keep our hope going, but something that isn't so rare to find," I suggest.

Carla giggled a bit. "Sure thing, promise me you'll let me plan your wedding though?"

"If I ever get married, I promise you can help plan it," I replied, very aware that James' heart was beating faster.

"Better start saving for the ring then Prongs," Sirius joked and my heart took off to match James'.

"You first Padfoot, the day you get married is the day all the death eaters die of shock and we win this war," James replied.

"Yee have little faith," Sirius told him as he got up.

"We ready to go?" Carla asked.

"Yeah babe, I'm ready for bed."

Carla held her arms up and Sirius took them, pulling her to her feet. "Will you watch The Notebook with me before we go to sleep?"

"Yes," Sirius murmured so quietly I thought I might have imagined it.

Carla smiled brightly. "Yes! I'll see you soon Lils."

I blew her a kiss in return.

"I'll come around tomorrow Prongs for Sunday lunch, Evans, always a pleasure," Sirius nodded at me with a grin then took Carla's hand and disapparated.

"And then there were two," I told James quietly.

"Clearly the best looking of the bunch," he replied.

"Oh clearly."

"It would be nice wouldn't it, if nights like these could last?"

I looked up at the stars glistening at us and nodded into his chest. "Yeah it would."

"It's a perfect night," he presses on. "These never happen."

I think of all the chick flicks I've watched where the nights are exactly like this and the main guys are just as sweet as James and just as hot too, it makes me giggle to think I could even mistake this world for a movie.

"What's so funny?" he asks.

"I was just thinking that this is just like a muggle girl flick, all I need now is for us to start dancing."

James gently shifts me off his chest and gets up, offering me his hand as he bows. "Would you like to dance?"

I giggle even harder. "You're kidding right?"

"Not at all, will you Lily Evans, like to dance with me on this perfect night?"

"You're so corny," I tell him, but I offer him my hand.

We rotate in slow circles, my head on his shoulder, one hand on his chest, the other holding his hand, while his other hand holds my waist close to his.

"Are we all going to get through this?" I ask.

James sighs. "Do you want me to stick to the script?"

He's offering me a lie, a beautiful lie to keep up the appearance of a perfect night. He's offering me one night without having to worry about consequence; he's offering me a bright future, even if it is a lie. I have to take it; I'm too fragile for the truth to be spoken aloud, knowing it is bad enough.

"Yes please."

"Alice and Frank are going to have lots of babies running around causing mischief, Remus is going to marry a wild girl who can accept him for everything he is and he's going to learn that he is worthy of being loved. Sirius and Carla are going to get married and divorced seven times before they realize they need each other to be happy and Peter is _finally_ going to get a girlfriend."

I smile as I imagine all of these fates for our friends. "What about us?"

"Us? We get the fairytale ending Evans; we get to live happily ever after."

I close my eyes this time and I can see everything so clearly, I almost choke on a sob at how natural it all looks, how _right_ the scenarios are. If you wish hard enough, do you think it can come true?

I don't even realize I've spoken out loud until James replies.

"I'm beginning to think so," he whispers.

I hold him tight and take one last look up at the stars, imprinting this night in my memory forever.

*

"Want a lick?" Carla asks, pushing her ice cream towards my face.

I giggle and gently push her hand back. "I got my own thanks."

"I can't believe it's school tomorrow!" Alice gushed.

"I know, back to sleeping in an all girls dorm, how are you going to survive?" Carla retorted.

Alice stuck her now blue tongue out at her. "I'm not the one going out with the biggest play boy; I'm surprised you can walk every time you leave his place!"

Carla grins. "Believe it or not girls, Sirius Black and myself do not have a relationship based on sex."

Violet, Alice and I exchanged looks. "We choose not to believe that," Violet told her.

Carla pointed her ice cream at Violet. "What about you and Remus, tell me that boy really does have animal magnetism!"

Violet laughed. "I wouldn't know, he's too much of a gentleman to try anything!"

I giggled along with the girls. "Maybe you need to jump him?"

"Can you imagine the look on his face?" Violet shrilled. "God, I think I'd end up laughing."

"Yeah, nothing screams 'take me now' then laughing in their face," I replied.

"You should know," Carla says slyly. "Look where you and Potter have ended up."

I feel myself going red and I curse my traitor cheeks. "We're just friends."

Carla uses her hands to make bunny ears. "Right, 'friends'"

"We are!"

"I hate to say it Lily but friends don't act like you and James do, or look at each other that way, I think you're better off just admitting it and then working it out from there," Alice suggested.

I shook my head stubbornly. "There is nothing to work out because we're just friends."

"Denial is a terrible thing," Violet said sadly.

I roll my eyes at how ridiculous they're being, ok, so maybe I did like James…_a lot_ but the fact still remained I wasn't sure if how I'd treated him had affected how he felt about me. Sure he was affectionate but he didn't try to ask me out and whenever I had broached the subject of a relationship, he got all flustered and said he was just glad we were friends and didn't hate him. What the hell was I meant to do with that?

Something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye and I turned to see Peter looking nervous as he headed down an alley.

Peter was back? I thought James said we weren't seeing him until we got on the train?

"I'll be right back," I told the girls, moving fast to follow him and ignoring their taunts that I was running away from my feelings again.

I hurried down the alley and was about to turn around the corner when I heard a voice that stopped me dead.

"Don't even try to pretend you have a back bone and you're going to refuse little Wormy, we'll just skip that boring part and get right to it then shall we? You need to re evaluate whose side you're on, and what your life is worth."

Peter whimpered something and Bellatrix cackled.

Gripping my wand I prepare myself to face her, taking a deep breath I quickly jumped into view and found no one there.

Weird. I could have sworn I heard them talking! I sighed deeply and headed back to my friends. I was obviously losing it. Peter would never get in league with Bellatrix, right?


	20. Chapter 20

Hey precious ones :D I have to apologise for this chapter, I debated over whether to post it or not, I feel like I've sorta found a rut, I know where I want the story to go, it's just getting there! Let me know anyway.  
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**JAMES**

The platform was bustling with students and families, rushing to get a good seat, checking nothing had been forgotten, saying their farewells and friends excitedly greeting each other.

I stood with my parents, trying to pull away from my mum as she pulled a comb from her purse and began trying to tame my messy hair.

"Mum, can you just cut it…mum!"

She jumped back, looking like a kid caught picking treats up off the ground who isn't sure they'd done anything wrong. "What?"

"I'm fine, really. You don't have to fuss over me," I replied, messing up any tidiness she'd achieved.

"You're my baby James, you could be forty five and I'd still fuss over you."

I scrunch my face up. Mothers!

Dad wheels my trunk in with my owl and puts it on the train, closest to the door so I don't have to wait to get it off.

I anxiously look around for any sign of my friends. I could see pretty much every other person in my year running around madly, waving goodbye to their families, hugging their friends they hadn't seen in awhile, and yet none of my group. I could even see Snape talking quietly with a woman who resembled him so closely I wondered if it were even possible he had any of his father in him.

"Make sure you come home this time," I heard her tell him in a slightly more feminine version of his voice.

"I'll see what I can do," he replied curtly.

"I wasn't giving you a choice Severus,"

"There are _always_ choices mother, now if you'll excuse me I need to board the train. I'll try to write to you."

His mums lips quirked into a sneer. "No, you won't. Tell Lily I said hello though, I haven't seen her in over a year."

Snape stiffens at the mention of Lily and hurries away from him mum, not hugging her and not even looking back.

I look down at the Head Boy badge mum had pinned on my shirt, I shift my scarf to cover it thinking it must be some sort of repellent.

The train started to chirp and I was starting to feel like maybe this was just some bad dream.

"Come on Head Boy, can't start the year missing the train! What would your young, impressionable students think?"

I spin around and see Sirius standing behind me, hands in his pocket grinning.

Mum lets out a thrilled squeal and wraps her arms around Sirius' neck. "Oh my other son! You'll write to me won't you? Even if James doesn't?"

Sirius smiled broadly at her. "Do I get a Potter Package in return?"

Mum smiles and lets him go, keeping her hands on his shoulders. "You get that regardless, you know that."

"Well, that's your answer too."

"We gotta go mum," I tell her, anxious to get the year started.

I give my dad a quick hug, permit mum to kiss me on the cheek and then wave at them as they turn to leave the station.

"I'm really going to miss your mum's cooking," Sirius tells me.

"There's always Christmas and Easter," I point out.

Sirius smacks his lips hungrily. "Counting down the days!"

"Hello Sirius,"

We both turn around to see Sirius's father looming above us, and his mother next to him, hugging Regulus, ignoring her other son standing a mere meter away.

"Good morning Satan," Sirius replies, holding my arm so tightly I feel like I have a tourniquet tied around it.

"Rudeness was never a trait you were meant to have, and certainly not one we permitted," Orion replies briskly.

"Either was tardiness and we're going to be late," Sirius replies.

"It's not too late to return to your family Sirius, we can be forgiving."

"I don't _want_ your forgiveness!" Sirius hissed, yanking me towards the train a few steps. "And you will _never_ get mine."

His mum turned to him at that point and I thought she might actually curse her own son right in front of hundreds of witness's.

"You are a disgrace," she told him in her shrilly voice. "Ruining the family name by consorting with Mudbloods and Blood traitors! You had _such_ potential and you just threw it all away just to spite us. Why couldn't you just be like Regulus?"

Sirius smirked, but there was no humour. "Because then I would ugly, unloved and evil, now if you'll excuse me, I have mudbloods and blood traitors to consort with."

With a curt nod to his father, Sirius pulled me away and practically shoved me onto the train.

"Ow, Padfoot!"

"Sorry," he tells me without remorse, kicking the wall. "I hate her!"

I put my hand on his shoulder gently. "You're right about being the good looking one, maybe they're jealous?"

This earns me a little smile and the iciness in the room melts slightly.

"Sirius! James!"

I look down to see Peter jumping up and down in excitement.

I give him a little nudge. "Hey Wormtail, how was your summer? You missed all the action, _Sirius got a girlfriend!_"

Peter's eyes widened and he looks eerily like a house elf. "Girlfriend?"

Sirius scowls at me but I can see his encounter with his parents is already slipping from his memory. "Prongs kissed Evans!"

I quirk my lips into a smile, nice to see we've resorted back to childish behaviour.

Peter grabs my arm and stares at me like I've just resolved all the problems in the world. "Did you really?"

I open my mouth but Sirius beats me to it. "Yeah, like for half the summer and she didn't even hit him!"

"Is that true?"

I sigh deeply. "Yes, it's true."

Peter claps his hands in a round of applause just as the train starts to chime its final warning.

Remus pokes his head out of a compartment. "You coming or what? Before someone else takes the good one."

I make a move to follow but Sirius holds his arm out, biggest grin on his face. "I don't think this is where you're meant to be."

I grunt in frustration. "Sirius, let me through, I'm sorry I teased you about your girlfriend."

"Why, I appreciate that Prongs, but I'm serious, Head Boys have their own carriage."

I freeze and curse to myself as Peter and Remus stare open mouthed at me.

"You better hurry up Head Boy, don't want to keep Head Girl waiting, not a great start to a partnership."

"Shut up Sirius,"

His face lights up further. "Do I get detention if I don't?"

With another grunt of frustration I stalk away to the end of the carriage, past the prefects and into the Head House carriage.

It's empty so far and small but delicately decorated and an assortment of snacks waiting. I sit down on the cushioned seat and help myself to some pumpkin juice.

The door slides open and I brace myself for the worst. _Please don't be Slytherine, please don't be Slytherine._

"Hey roomie!"

My mouth opens in surprise as Lily Evans stands in front of me, devilish grin in place. "Surprise!"

"_You're_ Head Girl?" I gasped.

She sat down across from me and took a nibble out of a small pastry. "Gee your confidence really makes me feel so good about myself, aren't I supposed to be insultingly surprised?"

I blush a little. "Sorry, it's not that I didn't think you could do it, it's just that…you knew _I_ was and didn't say anything!"

"If I'd said anything, I wouldn't have gotten the memory of the look on your face when you realized it was me," she explained.

I tried to shake all the shock off and just concentrate on what this meant. Joint dormitory, for just me and Evans. No competition, no distractions, nothing but just us, together, for the whole year.

My smile was huge; this year was going to be amazing.

*

After we'd talked to the Prefects which included Carla and Remus, spent some time patrolling the corridors and checking in with the teachers it was time for us to get ready to depart the train and get ready for our last year at Hogwarts, ever.

I was kinda scared of the prospect of not having the comfort of knowing I'd be going back to my second home. I was just going to have to make sure I made the most of the year and the time I had with Lily, this was really my last shot at 'sealing the deal' as Sirius would say.

"Here let me, you're meant to be proud," Lily mock scolded as she took my pin and placed it on the front of my robes.

"Thanks, hey, does this mean we can give our detentions?" I asked.

Lily nodded. "I think so, as long as we don't abuse our station."

I felt an evil grin spread across my face, Severus Snape so much as looked at me in the wrong way and I was going to make him spend his nights with Filch. Oh yes, this year was going to be amazing.

"Potter, over here!" I moved quickly through the crowd to where Fabian was waving. "Bring Evans too!"

I gently guided Lily behind me, barging anyone out of the way that was in risk of slamming into her.

"What's up?"

"Dumbledore wants to see you in his office right away, he said you will be back in time for the feast."

I began to feel anxious, great, I was going to hold the record of being Head Boy for only officially ten minutes. I knew he'd come to his senses and realize I was the wrong choice.

I looked over at Severus who was watching Lily greedily and clenched my fists. There was no way I was letting him anywhere near here this year, Head Boy or not.

"James, are you coming?" Lily asked, holding her hand out.

I took the offered hand and forced a smile. "I've said it before Evans, anywhere you're going, I'll follow."

Lily rolled her eyes at me. "You're going to make me the bad guy out of the Head of Houses, I just know it!"

I grinned at the back of her bouncing red head, I had no doubt in the world that any punishment she dished out, the boys in the school at least, would find it a fair trade just to be in her presence.

**LILY**

"Ah Miss Evans, Mr Potter, please take a seat,"

My hands are shaking and the butterflies in my stomach feel like they're on drugs as I sit down and stare at Albus Dumbledore, wondering what he could possibly have to say to us.

"Don't look so nervous," Dumbledore told us with a soft smile. "I'm not going to bite, I'm here to talk to you about your duties as Head of Houses this year. Most years the Head boy and girl are responsible for organizing the Prefects in their patrols, keeping the other students in check, surpervising some detentions and taking queries from the students and presenting them to the faculty to ensure everyone is happy and getting a fair say; this year you will have all these duties but I'm afraid I must ask more of you. This year I must ask that you keep moral fibre high, look out especially for those weaker and younger than you, I need to ask that you think very hard about the last time we spoke, time waits for no one and the sooner one starts preparing, the better. I will be calling another meeting with everyone soon, should things go ahead as planned, you will both be a very crucial part to the future."

Both James and I sat open mouthed staring at Dumbledore and what he had said. He must have chosen us as the heads of houses for a reason, because he knew we wouldn't refuse his offer, because he knew we were going to fight hard and because we knew we would do our best to inspire everyone else to.

James hand was almost close enough for me told hold and I noticed Dumbledore smiling as James hand inched closer and closer.

A thought struck me, Dumbledore's solution to the war has always been love, is that what he was trying to do? Push me and James together so we fell in love? He must have known how James has felt and has been planning these little things to sway my mind, did he honestly think that the strength of my love was going to help bring down Voldermort?

I snorted at the thought, it seemed unlikely.

"Is that it sir?" James asked politely. "You're not going to tell me you made a mistake and I'm not qualified for the job right?"

Dumbledore smiled at James indulgently. "Oh on the contrary Mr Potter, I believe you are _just_ the person for the job."

He winked at me after saying this and I worked hard to force previous thoughts out of my head.

"There is just one more thing I require, it's on a much more positive note," he says, still smiling at us.

_Please don't tell us to fall in love or find diversity by spending more time together._

"I think in times such as these, we need some cheer and celebration, so if you could perhaps think of some activities through out the year to keep everyone in high spirits and get back to me, that would be fabulous. That's all, we had best get down to the feast, we're going to miss all the first day treats! I'll follow you down in a minute. Thank you so much for your time."

We knew we were being dismissed so stiffly we got up and headed down to the great hall for the feast.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sirius demanded as we sat down and began piling our plates with food.

"Dumbledore wanted to speak with us since we're Heads of the school," James replied casually.

Sirius grinned broadly. "Did he make you promise to be on your best behaviour and put a stamp to any fun to be had?"

James shook his head. "Nope, he told me to make sure I think of creative ways of putting you in detention since I'm allowed to give them out,"

Sirius's smile faded slightly. "You wouldn't dare,"

James smirked. "We'll just find out won't we? Pass the pumpkin pasties please."

"What a strange year this will be," Carla whispered to me.

"How do you mean?" I replied.

"I'm going out with Sirius Black, who I'm sure has a tattoo somewhere about monogamy being a deadly sin. Alice is engaged and getting married this year. James Potter for the first time in six years is the closest any guy has ever gotten to winning your heart. I mean, it's just crazy, almost surreal!"

I smiled back. "Like a dream right?"

"Exactly like a dream!"

I look over at James who catches my eye and blows a kiss. "Please don't wake me."

*

After dinner James and I had said goodbye to our friends and were progressing up the winding stairs to what would become our new dormitory. There was a big painting of a tiny fairy couple, dancing in the moon light, their wings casting a translucent, shimmering glow around their bodies.

"Password," the female fairy squeaked as her partner dipped her.

"We don't know it yet," James replied. "This is our first night as Head of houses, can't you just tell us, we won't ask again we promise."

The female giggles as the male twirls her in a circle, spinning her faster and faster. "You'll have to guess then."

"Dumbledore?"

"Nope."

"James Potter?"

"Noooo."

"Lily Evans?"

"Guess again!"

James grit his teeth in frustration. "How am I meant to guess if I have no clue as to what it could even be about?!"

The male fairy grinned at James. "Maybe you're not worthy of this place then?"

I stare at the picture closely, there is a bright moon, twinkling stars, a night so clear it's almost as if the couple are dancing among them. I'm reminded of Alice and Franks engagement party and dancing with James Potter. Under the stars on a night just as perfect as the one pictured. The moment when I realized James Potter meant everything to me, that from this point on I was always going to only be one half of a whole without him.

"Clarity," I whisper.

Looking slightly disappointed the couple fly upwards and the picture followed, revealing a stair case leading down.

James stared at me in amazement. "How did you know?"

I shrug. "Lucky guess," I lie.

"Remind me to take you with us when we go gambling," he offers me his arm. "Shall we?"

I take it with trembling fingers and follow him down the stairs, I understand what he means about letting me lead him anywhere, he could be taking me to hell for all I knew; I'd still take his arm.

The common room has been decorated with Griffindor banners, a big fire place, big arm chairs, a table for studying and beautiful stain glass windows. On the far wall is a notice board with rosters for Prefects up for us to work out ourselves, next to it is a huge book case half filled with books already. As I look over to the end of the room, I see only one stair case, instead of the usual one for boys and one for girls. Oh god, we weren't going to be sleeping in the same room right? How was I meant to resist him then?

"Come on Evans, let's go see what else is in store for us," James says with a huge grin.

I follow him wearily up to the stairs and I'm surprised to find the stairs split out onto a big entryway with three doors. One on opposite ends and then one in the middle. On the left there is a big HG and the right a HB, I move to the left and James heads to the right.

I open the door and smile.

The room is painted a light violet with shooting stars across it. The four poster bed in the middle of the room has matching violet curtains. My trunk and Onyx are already waiting for me, I cross the room and open the window and let Onyx out so she can stretch her wings.

Then I turn around to where there is another door. I moved towards it and throw it open, James Potter is brushing his teeth at one of the two sinks available.

"Cool huh?" he asks.

The bathroom is huge, almost the size of my bedroom, it has a mini swimming pool, two showers, two sinks with cabinets, and a big full length mirror. A bathroom is all that's separating me from James Potter.

"Can you be trusted to not walk in on me when I'm having a shower Potter?" I ask.

James smirks broadly. "You mean you're not going to lock the door? Evans, that's just begging for trouble, aren't you meant to be the good girl?"

I give him a devilish grin. "You're only a bad girl if you get caught."

I blow him a kiss and then turn to leave, praying this time he follows.


	21. Chapter 21

Hello! 21st chapter that's like a little mile stone for me so I'm a bit excited! So, I figured I might give you some extra cuteness this time around, just letting you know though, I won't be updating as fast for the next one, life slows down for no one! :D Thanks as always to the best reviewers anyone could ever even hope for; **DelightfulSmiles, Jenny129 **(because you asked so nicely, here it is nice and early**!), hayls1313, Psychokillerhoney, Ash, sapphirestar11, VampyreGirl23, Jenny96, The DA is dressed to the nines, hptwilightlvr, JazzHalesBabyGurl, celticvampriss****, ****shroomy-eyes, JacobsImprintGirl.  
**  
As always you guys are the inspiration and driving force :D  
xxx

JAMES

I watched her red hair bounced as she turned away and I was immediately turned on, hell yes I was going to take full advantage of this situation. I started towards her door when I heard a very familiar cough.

I turned to see Professor McGonagall leaning against the door.

"Mr. Potter, I see you've got yourself all settled in."

I fight the urge to slam the door in her face. "Yes."

"Very good, your first patrol starts now."

"_Now_?" I asked incredulously.

"Do I stutter?"

"Could you give me like…an hour?"

A wry smile crosses her face. "No, this is your duty."

I groaned deeply. "Alright, I'll go get Evans."

"Miss Evans isn't rostered on patrol tonight, you will be going with another Prefect, he's waiting for you now, let's go."

I gave one longing look at Lily's door and sighed. This really sucked.

First night patrolling and I didn't even get to patrol with Lily. What was the point of having power if I couldn't even use it to my advantage?

"Earth to Potter are you even listening?" Zane asked waving his hand in front of my face.

"Sorry man, I'm just a little distracted tonight."

Zane grinned. "By a pretty red head?"

I groaned. "How does everyone know!"

"Sirius told me once you get this 'Lily Look' and I only just noticed tonight that it actually does exist!"

I sighed. "You think it's pathetic too right?"

Zane laughed. "Dude, have you heard Snape go on about her? I share a dorm room with him and he just never, ever cuts it out, at least she likes you back, that stops it from being pathetic."

"I don't even know if she does like me, that's the thing. I want to be just hurry it up and cut the bullshit and have something real with her, but I have years of rejection that prevent me from making the leap. Love sucks man, I know I should just man up and try to move on but everything about her draws me in, I can't help it."

Zane clasps my shoulder. "You know Potter, you may want to keep this talk of feelings to a select few, kids down my end actually respect you maybe even fear you, they heard you had a weakness? It would not end well."

I sling an arm around him. "You know Bluff, you're alright. How come you're alright when you're a Slytherine?"

Zane grins. "I'm a freak among freaks my man,"

I raise my eyebrows.

"Mudblood," he tells me in a stage whisper.

"Is that…normal?" I ask.

"To be a muggle born in a house full of pure blood activists? Yeah, it doesn't happen often, and I don't really broadcast it, but yeah, that's why I'm cool with you. I don't judge blood; just character."

"Why you were never put in Griffindor mate, I will never know."

Zane grins at me. "We all need our informants Potter, from what I hear we already got ours, I figure I'd even up the odds."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? That Slytherine already had their informant? Was someone a spy? I tried to think of everyone close to me even considering betraying and I almost laughed out loud. Impossible!

"Who are you talking about?" I asked shrewdly.

Zane opened his mouth to reply when we heard movement in what was meant to be a locked classroom.

"Finally, something to do," I muttered, gesturing for Zane to follow me.

Slowly we crept up to the door, there were definitely two voices inside, one male, one female. I grinned to myself, it was probably Sirius and Carla.

Zane raised his wand and I nodded, as second later the door burst open to reveal Peter backed up against a wall with a Slytherine girl, I think her name was Carrow or something, with one leg up against the wall provocatively trapping him in.

"Whoa, Pete you got a girlfriend? Can't say much for your taste man but woo you got a girlfriend!"

Zane pulled me back as the girl bared her teeth at me in a half snarl and half smile. "Dude… I don't think that's his…"

She threw her hair back, withdrew her leg and traced her fingers across Peter's lips before laughing. "We'll chat soon…lover…don't go hiding anywhere ok? I hate when guys play hard to get."

Blowing a kiss to Peter she turned to us and with eyes on Zane pressed her finger to her lips before skipping out of the room.

"Wormtail, I had no idea you had game! Wait until Sirius finds out, wow, we should throw you a party of something!"

Zane grabs my arm firmly. "Potter we really need to…"

I pat his hand gently. "Hey, it's all good mate, I'm not going to dob your girl in and we won't turn Wormtail in here deal? I mean, at least someone's getting some action right? Actually, why don't you go take some free time, I can cover for you."

Zane looked at Peter then me and seemed to be torn, finally he sighed and his head hung slightly. "Alright, I'll catch you later Potter, have a good night."

Zane turns and leaves, not even acknowledging Peter which is weird, he's usually a really friendly bloke, huh must be a bad night.

Peter grabs the front of my robes looking stricken. "James, I can explain-"

I hold my hand up to silence him. "It's ok Wormtail, I know exactly what's going on."

Peter's eyes widen. "You do?"

I nod. "Yep, and I'm ok with it."

"Y-you are?"

"Of course I am! You were scared to tell us you were falling for the enemy so you were going behind our backs, we would have understood, I'm not going to punish you, but only because I'm so proud of you! Now get to bed, and I do mean your bed mate, not hers."

Peter flings himself on top of me and his weight almost crushes me for a second.

"Whoa, you alright?"

"You're a great friend," he whispers, and then he scurries out of the room.

I shake my head in sympathy. Poor bloke, love does strange things to a man.

I got into the dormitory just before eleven o'clock to find Lily curled up by the fire place with marshmallows and a stick, she looks so adorable and younger and for a second I can visualize what she looked like camping with her family when she was a young girl.

"Peckish?" I asked as I sat down next to her.

Lily looked up in surprise and then grinned. "You want one?"

I look down at the black cube she's offering me and fight to keep my face neutral.

"I'm right Evans, I'm trying to go on a diet, unfortunately I had to cut charcoal out of my life."

Lily smiled brightly. "Sorry, I can make you another one, it tastes better when the top is burnt because the rest is all melted."

"Does it really?"

She offers me the marshmallow again and I take it. "You haven't poisoned it right?"

"Not this time."

"Can I trust you?"

She leans closer and takes the marshmallow and pops it in her mouth, then she grabs me and kisses me swiftly. I can taste marshmallow and my favourite thing in the world; Lily Evans.

"How was that?" she whispered.

I licked my lips, craving more of it. "I'm not too sure, I may need another try."

Lily giggles and hands me a twig. "Here you go, you can do it yourself."

I smile at her seductively. "I think I like your way better."

She ruffles my hair. "Tough luck, off you go!"

"I had to try," I tell her with a grin, placing my marshmallow slightly in the flames.

"I used to love doing this," she tells me. "In our Primary School camps this was always the highlight."

"Primary School?" I ask. "Sounds interesting, enlighten me in the muggle ways."

"Well, we had our usual games like red rover and kiss chasey," Lily began. "Oh and you'll love this, when you were younger, if a guy was mean to you it generally meant that they liked you and didn't know how to show it."

I burst out laughing. "Are you _serious?_ So _that's_ where I went wrong! I should have been mean to you from day one! Wait, _you_ were always mean to me; does that mean you liked me all these years and I was just too daft to pick up on it?"

Lily laughed. "Watch yourself Potter, your ego is running away with you, and if that were the case by now I'd have gotten sick of you not getting the picture and tried another tactic."

I grinned, so intrigued by this. "Like what?"

"Well, where I grew up, you didn't just snog someone and that meant you were together, you walked up to them, usually with a group of friends for support and asked them if they wanted to go out with you."

"Go where?" I asked.  
"No, not go somewhere with them, as in, be in a relationship with them; that's what it means silly. Wow, you should really be taking muggle studies."

I leant in closer and cupped Lily's face in my hands, our noses were touching.  
"Lily Evans, you are all I think about, you make me happy please, please give me a chance to do the same. I know I haven't got my friends here like it's tradition but do you wanna maybe go out sometime?"  
The breath catches in Lily's throat and she stares deep into my eyes. I look into hers and I can tell her eyes are mirroring mine; scared, honest, vulnerable and excited. Without breaking eye contact she pulls something from out of her pocket and hands it to me; it's the lovers card I've been trying to find all summer, evidently she'd kept it.  
"Yes," she whispers, and then she kisses me.

This could quite possibly be the best night of my life.

LILY

Oh my god. I have a boyfriend. Me! Lily Evans, the ice queen has a boyfriend and it was James Potter, the guy I had convinced myself I could never care about. I was still waiting for reality to hit me. As I walked down the halls, everyone was staring and whispering, right at me.

"Oh my god, do you think it was a love potion?"

"Can't have been, he's been trying for years."

"But it's _James Potter_!"

I kept my head down and tried to ignore them as best I could, but it was hard. All I could hear was dozens of people voicing my inner fears and playing on my insecurities. God, how was I meant to make the relationship work when everyone in the goddamn school had to be involved? How long before James took notice and realized everyone was telling the truth, that I wasn't good enough after all.

Argh why couldn't anything in life ever be easy?

"What's up pretty girl?" Carla asked, falling in step with me.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her into a small corner where we couldn't be seen.

"I said yes to James Potter, James Potter is my boyfriend!"

Carla raised both eyebrows. "I know, it happened last night and you owled me right after you'd finished your kissing and cuddles. In fact, I think everyone in the whole school knows by now, Professor McGonagall was telling Slughorn today what a beautiful pair you make."

I moaned. "Oh no! Now even the teachers are getting involved!"

"What's the problem?" Carla asked. "I thought this is what you wanted, god knows we've all waited long enough!"

I sigh. I'm being ridiculous, I know I am but I have always been a private person and this will be my first really serious relationship. It was just all so overwhelming.

"I hear Martha Gyrit in the bathrooms today saying I was a bit fuck to James and once he got bored of me he'd drop me faster than a biting garden gnome."

Carla grabs my shoulders and shakes me roughly. "You need to get out of your head! Who freaking cares what anyone else thinks? If he makes you happy then screw 'em."

I'm about to reply when I'm enveloped in warm arms. "Hello girlfriend!"

I can't help but smile up at James' grinning face. "Hey you."

Sirius pushed James off and hugs me close. "Thank you, _thank you_! You have just made my year bearable Evans, I no longer need to spend hours listening to Prongs moan about why you won't give him a chance or what he can do to win you over. No more fun police! No more trying to make me think like a chick and analyze your every blink. _THANK YOU!_"

I giggle and slip out of Sirius's grasp. "Um…your welcome?"

"How's your day been beautiful?" James asks slinging his arm around me. "Not too good I'm guessing since you're hiding away."

"I'm not hiding," I reply, hoping my face doesn't give away the lie. "We just wanted a time out."

"Can I have a time out?"

I shake my head with a smile.

"Urgh, do we have to watch them be all cutesy with each other now? Maybe I'll take the thank you back," Sirius mock groaned.

Carla grabbed his hand and started to pull him away. "Come on baby, let's go argue over who's prettier."

Sirius's face lights up and they begin to walk off. "Ok! But you can't cheat this time, no strip teases, it's too distracting!"

I laugh and turn my face up at James. "We're not going to end up like that right?"  
James puts his arm around me and leads me back into the traffic of students. "Hell no! I would _never_ say no to a strip tease!"

I hit his chest playfully. "Shut up!"

"Sure thing, girlfriend."

I giggle. "I do have a name you know."

"Oh, I know, and now you have a title, and it sounds so good!" he replies, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

I smile brightly. "Ok, _boyfriend_."

James closed his eyes, his lips curling into a smile. "Say it again."

"What word?" I ask innocently

James swept me off my feet swiftly and threw me over his shoulder. "I must have you now!"

I screamed in delight. "You're not a caveman James, put me down!"

"Tell me what I want to hear and I will Evans," he replied softly.

I'm about to reply with something witty, but someone's voice cuts through my response. "Hey James,"

I look around James' shoulder to see Magenta Holst staring at James with hunger.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks, and I have to give him props, he hardly sounds interested.

"Oh, I was just wondering if you'd walk me to class?"

James pulls me closer. "I'm kinda busy here, sorry."

Magenta sneers at me. "Oh sorry, I didn't think you had anything important going on, well, maybe another time."

She gives him a wink. James slides me down and I'm sure he's going to leave me walk off with her, I prepare myself for the heart ache to come.

"Holst, I'm not sure you've met the most important person in my life, this is Lily Evans, my _girlfriend_."

He holds me close the whole time saying this, emphasizing the word girlfriend which was a clear under tone of '_back off_'

Magenta sneered at once more then gave James her most winning smile. "Well still, come find me when you're done with whatever this is,"

James gives her a tight smile. "I won't ever be done with this, and I don't think I'm ever going to be looking for you, so you're probably better off finding someone else, I would hate to see you made a fool of."

Magenta's mouth hung wide open. I had to restrain myself from saying _so there, bitch!_

"The offer is always there," she told him tightly before sauntering off.

James whistled. "What a trip huh? Now where were we?"

I stared at him, incredulous.

"What, did I do something wrong?"

"She's the hottest girl in school…"

"Evans, I thought we went through this and I already said it was you."

"No but…you could have her, every other guy dreams of it, and you said no, so easily. She's the type of girl everyone at the school expects you to be with, who suits you and you're going against all of that."

"I only want you," he replies simply. "That's all I could ever want."

I throw my arms around James and kiss him full on the lips, in front of everyone's judging stares, students, teachers, _peeves_ and I don't give a damn.

"You're amazing," I tell him softly. "Walk me to class, boyfriend."

James grins broadly and offers me his arm. "Yes ma'am."

I sit on James' lap later on in our common room, legs pulled up, arms around his neck and head on his shoulder, curled up into him like a child.

"I have to go patrolling," I tell him softly.

He leans down and kisses me gently. "Make the other Prefects do it, go mad with power!"

I laugh. "You know I can't do that, we're meant to lead by example."

He lifts me up and positions me so I'm straddling his legs. "Come on, isn't there anyway I can convince you to stay?"

He starts to kiss my neck and heat rushes through my body. My body responds automatically and I tilt my neck to give him better access, while burying my hips deeper.

"I should…go," I gasp.

"Should you?" he asks, pressing his lips onto my collarbone.

"Duties…lead by…example," I murmur.

"Really? So you don't want to stay here with me?"

"No…yes…I don't know, you're confusing me!" I tell him and I manage to push myself away.

"One hour, and then I'll be back."

"Evans, you're _killing_ me!"

I grin, loving that I'm regained control. "My patrol is meant to be just shy of two and a half hours, I'm compromising with you."

"I'll come with you then," he suggests.

"No, you went last time. I'll be back before you know it," I tell him, blowing him a kiss and then exiting before he can change my mind.

I'm practically skipping through the halls, not even checking thoroughly or doing my job properly, I could really care less about enforcing. Hell if I busted a couple together I would probably just high five them and be on my way. I have never felt so great in my life, everything seemed to look beautiful. Life was great.

I looked down at my watch, twenty minutes to go. Oh what the hell, by the time I head back it will almost be the end of my shift.

With a skip in my step, I head back to the dorm when I hear it.

A soft rustling noise, like someone is following me. I whip around; no one is there.

With a fierce determination I begin to walk faster.

I can hear foot steps behind me.

Ok, this was not cool, I was starting to feel like I was in a cheap horror movie.

"Hello?" I called out and immediately wanted to kick myself. Hadn't I seen enough movies to know that calling out always got you killed!

I started out at a jog, ignoring my instinct to look behind me to see who was following.

A soft chuckle echoes through the halls and I'm starting to really freak out now.

"James?" I call, slowing to a walk. "James, is that you?"

I turn around and it's still empty, still eerily quiet. Could it be possible I'm imagining this whole thing?

I let out a hysterical giggle and continue walking to the dorm.

There are no more noises, there are no more footsteps and the fear is starting to drift away me.

Two hands grab me and I let out a little scream. One hand covered my mouth, the other locked around my chest.

"Hello Evans, lovely night isn't it?"

My heart beats faster and faster in my chest until I was sure I was close to a heart attack. Rough hands pushed me against a wall and in the dark I couldn't see their face, nor recognize their voice.

"Severus has spoken _so_ highly of you mudblood, I just had to see what the big deal is. You see, Snapey boy tends to think you're special, that you're _above_ all others."

His wand traced across my collar bone. "He thinks you're _pure_. I'm here to find out, just how much of your blood is clean."

He uncovered my mouth, but trapped my body against the wall with his. "Any messages you'd like me to pass on?"


	22. Chapter 22

Hey pretty ones :D back again. As always I would love to thank everyone who adds my story, reads it and of course my beautiful reviewers who are in a world of their own in terms of awesome;  
**shroomy-eyes****, Ellie 3, ****Jenny129****, ****Jenny96****, ****hpdreamer500****, ****hptwilightlvr****, ****JazzHalesBabyGurl****, ****Psychokillerhoney****, ****DelightfulSmiles****, ****Adorkably Adorkable****, ****Lady Kyatsu****, ****The DA is dressed to the nines****, ****potter06****, ****Mistress Trinity**** (A.K.A ash), ****XXJAMESLILYXX, Opa12 :D and Vampiregirl23.**

Love to you all  
xxx

JAMES

As I watched Lily skip out of the common room I sat by myself, fingers pressed against my lips for approximately fourteen minutes and forty five seconds when I had had enough of my own company and decided I needed to clear my head and go for a walk, and if that walk just happened to lead me right to Lily Evans then so much the better for me, she couldn't get mad when I was just going for a friendly stroll, and she certainly couldn't give me a detention. I smirked to myself as I ran up the stairs to retrieve the invisibility cloak. Maybe I'd let her punish me if she really got annoyed. My grin spread as I imagined innocent Lily Evans trying to teach me a lesson. I ran back down the stairs without the cape; hell maybe I'd even _let_ her catch me.

I smiled to myself as I crept behind Lily, watching her practically dance her way through the halls and kind of excited that I might be the reason. I watched her as she turned a rock on the floor into a pretty flower and pinned it into her hair. She smiled and turned around and I quickly hid behind a pillar. I knew I shouldn't be following her, that she could handle herself but I can't help it. I need to protect her, I only just got her, there was no way I was going to lose her so quickly and I hated to be alone when I could be near her anyway.

I smiled to myself as I looked around and found I'd lost her. The little minx moved swiftly and silently, I would have to watch her closely.

A scream cut through the silence and I began to run faster than I had ever run before. Lily, I needed to get to Lily.

As I rounded the corner I saw a dark shape pinning Lily against the wall, wand pointed at her chest.

"Would you like me to pass on any messages?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said, stepping out of the shadows, fuming with rage. "Get your fucking hands off my girlfriend."

He turned towards me and I immediately knew he didn't go to this school.

"What's this? Could it be…James Potter?"

I held my wand up and advanced slowly. "Yeah, that would be right. Now this is the last time I'm going to ask, _let her go_."

He paused a second and then shoved Lily away from him roughly, right into the wall smashing her head so hard so she slid down, eyes closed, breathing shallow.

"You're going to regret that," I hiss. "I'm going to really make you regret that."

The psychotic bastard actually bowed to me. "Maybe Severus was wrong about you; I see a little potential. Would you like to play a game?"

I did a double take, did all death eaters sound the same? "You sound like my dear friend Bellatrix, you don't happen to know her do you?"

His face softened for a split second then resumed his emotionless mask. "We've met, tenacious isn't she?"

I started to laugh. "Oh no, you don't actually have a thing for her do you?"

He gives me a dark stare and I recognize it as the one I wear when someone laughs at how much I want Evans.

"Oh wow. I don't know who has worse taste, you or her."

He edges closer, face now turned in a scowl.

"Just curious, what do you guys talk about? Who scowls better? Top ten ways to earn a place in hell? Tell me, how can you ever have a proper relationship and love each other if neither of you have hearts?"

"You talk too much," he tells me simply.

"So I've been told, and I'm being rude too, I haven't even asked your name yet,"

I start to back away and let him advance on me, I need him to move away from Lily, even if that puts me at risk.

"Rodolphus Lestrange," he tells me with a sick smile. "I'll be killing you and your girlfriend tonight,"

I bark out a laugh. "Rodolphus? Like Rudolf the reindeer? Your parents really hated you huh?"

Lestrange picks up the pace in following me. "I see now where Severus is coming from, you _do_ need a good curse or two to shut you up,"

I shrug. "You're welcome to try,"

"_Crucio,"  
_Thank god for my Seeker skills giving me great reflexes because I only just manage to avoid his curse.

"Expelliamus!" I shout, and to my disappointment, he too misses my curse.

"You're _disarming_ me?" he asks in surprise. "I'm trying to kill your girlfriend, I'm _going_ to kill you and you're just trying to disarm me? Tsk tsk, Dumbledore has not trained you well at all has he? Then again, I can't say I'm surprised, it's all about priorities and Dumbledore has always valued silly childish games and notions of _love_ over survival and power."  
I start to weave in and out of the pillars and away from Lily, praying that I can buy her enough time to wake up and get some help.

"Are you going to hide now?" he hissed. "I guess Griffindor's don't dwell with bravery in their hearts after all."

I duck around and hit him with a curse that takes the top of his ear off. Lestrange instead of crying out in pain begins to laugh.

"You're pureblood right? You could join us you know, we could use you. You could leave with your life, you wouldn't even have to watch the mudblood die and you could be great, we could make you great."

"I'd rather die," I yell back.

I see him shrug, insane grin on his face. "Works for me, you're going to need to step out and face me though, I promise I'll make it quicker that way. No? I was hoping that would be the case, _crucio_!"

My legs give way and I'm writhing around on the floor, how did he manage to sneak up on me? Argh the pain is so all consuming that I almost open my mouth to ask him to end it. Almost.

Fighting through the pain I try to reach for my wand that I've hastily dropped and Lestrange starts laughing again. At once the pain disappears.

"You fight so hard for someone who doesn't belong in this world, you and Severus should go flying sometime, you have more in common than you might think."

"He'll kill you if you kill her, if he really cares," I pant back.

Lestrange looks thoughtful. "Hmm..true, but he wouldn't kill me if _you_ do it."

"What?"

He whispers something under his breath and points his wand at me, at once I feel like I'm flying again, like I'm filled with a beautiful, peaceful air and the world of pain doesn't exist.

"_Kill the mudblood, Lily Evans".  
_I start to take the steps to where I know Lily's body is waiting but then I pause.  
_Why kill her though? You love her.  
_"Kill her."

I stumble as I try to walk and back away at the same time.  
_No, I can't do that. I could never hurt her._  
"Kill her now Potter."

_Lily Evans is my life, I will not do it.  
_"KILL HER NOW!"  
"NO!" I shriek in return and crash face first into the ground.

"You know, I could almost like you," he tells me, laughing. "Were the circumstances different."

He leans down and tosses me my wand. "Here, fight back."

I catch the wand and jump to my feet. "_Crucio!_"

I watch in horror, fascination and satisfaction as he falls to the ground and starts to groan slightly as he twitches. Less than a minute later he's back on his feet.

"That was a nice try Potter,"

My knees gave way again and silent tears began to make their way steadily down my face as it dawned on me that I very well might die tonight.

"Just not nearly good enough."

Oh god, make it stop, please, please make it stop. Kill me, knock me out, just do something!

The pain eventually disappears again and I looked up into his coal black eyes. "Are we done playing? Are we going to fight like men now?"

"_Rebracto,"_ I whispered and blood spurted out of his nose as it broke.

This time he did call out in pain and anger.

"Hey, you really are Rudolf now," I tell him as I send another curse causing his hand to start swelling.

"Do you think Bellatrix will still want you?" I taunted, wincing a little.

Lestrange took a deep breath and then with a crack, re broke his nose so it wasn't streaming blood. "At least I will get the opportunity to find out."

I dove behind a pillar just as a curse hit my leg and I felt my muscles start to burn. I bit down on my lip hard to prevent myself from screaming. I was not going to give him the satisfaction, I was going to fight hard and hopefully take him down with me.

"I'm surprised at the lack of protection they provide here," he muses out loud. "What will Dumbledore think when he realizes his students have been killed right under his nose?"

I gripped my wand tightly as I heard him start to approach. This was it, kill or be killed. I was about to scream my curse when I saw Lily out of the corner of my eye, slowly sneaking towards Lestrange on unsteady feet, her wand raised with shaking hands.

"Lily no!" I screamed and then I felt his curse hit me.

I feel into a pool of crimson waves and bright green eyes and then there was nothing.

LILY

"_Sectumsempera!"_ I call out, using the spell Severus told me to use when I needed to protect myself.

Blood poured out of his mouth, ears and eyes. I stared at him horrified that I could do such a thing, why the hell would Severus give me this!

Oddly enough it seemed to do to this trick. He turned to me, and his eyes were filled with respect. I stood frozen to the spot, not sure if I was prepared to take it any further. Lucky for me I didn't have to because with an odd little bow he began to run away, frantically whispering under his breath, trying to stop the flow of blood as he disappeared out of my view.

I sagged against the wall and slid down, breathing heavily. What the hell had just happened?

I turned my head slightly and saw James crumpled on the floor. Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no!

"James!" I cried out, crawling over to his body.

He was really pale, and losing blood, fast.

"HELP!" I cried out as I began to put pressure on his wounds, magic the last thing on my mind. "Someone help me!"

I looked down at his face, so peaceful, just like my fathers and began to cry. "Don't you dare," I sobbed. "Don't you dare do this to me James Potter, I will find a way to bring you back to life and then I will kill you myself if you do this to me!"

I could hear a faint noise in the back ground, almost like someone was calling out but it was muffled.

On some sort of hunch I whispered the counter spell to a silencing and cloaking charm and then Professor McGonagall was rushing towards me.

"Miss Evans, why word! What happened?"

I lay over James' limp body, trying to warm him up. "We were attacked," I whispered. "I don't know how they got in."

She tried to touch James and I pushed her away. "No!"

"Miss Evans, we need to take him to the hospital wing for treatment, you're going to have to let me near him."

"Can I stay with him?" I asked softly.

"If you must."

Slowly I withdrew myself but took James' hand as Professor McGonagall conjured a stretcher and placed James gently on it.

I walked as slow as the stretcher floated, keeping my hold on James steady, even though I felt weak myself.

"Miss Evans, we can get you a stretcher too?"

I shook my head fervently. No, I needed to be strong for James, like he had been for me so many times.

As we burst into the Hospital Wing Madame Ghold was already waiting with Professor Dumbledore. She snapped into attention immediately, running into her office and bringing back an assortment of potions and spell books.

"Quickly, quickly, put him down over here," she instructed.

"Is he going to be ok?" I asked in a broken voice.

"Miss Evans, we need to talk," Dumbledore told me gently.

"No! I need to stay with him," I replied firmly. "He needs to know I'm here."

"Miss Evans, Mr Potter needs urgent medical attention and we would only be in the way, let us give Madame Ghold some space to ensure he has the best care possible. We can talk just outside of the room so you are close enough to find out any changes."

I sagged into his ready arms and let him pull me away.

"I need to know what happened, it is very important," he told me seriously.

I took a deep breath and told him everything I knew and remembered, even the spell I had used to cause so much blood on the death eater, leaving out that Severus had given it to me.

"I'm sorry sir," I told him, ashamed.

"Miss Evans, both you and Mr. Potter acted incredibly brave tonight, there is no need for apologies except from myself who should have been more prepared."

"How did he get in here?" I asked. "I don't think I've ever seen him before at school."

"If I am correct in my guessing, I believe he may have used a secret passageway into Hogwarts that comes from Hogsmeade and ends up in the dungeons where no doubt some of his friends were more than happy to house him."

"What does this mean?" I asked.

Dumbledore sighed and he looked far older than I had ever seen him before. "It means that the war is getting closer and there is no more time to wait and hope for the best. Now is the time to act."

I feel so exhausted and it's hard to imagine that just two hours ago I was happy and care free, enjoying James's company, now I'm bloody, bruised and waiting to find out if he was going to survive, after being hurt trying to save me.

"I'm sick of this war already," I told Dumbledore quietly.

A soft, gently hand squeezed my shoulder. "As am I Miss Evans, as am I."

Four days passed and there was no change in James. I had stayed by his side every day and every night, keeping watch, waiting for any change and I was beginning to get worried.

"He's going to be ok," Sirius told me for what would have been the millionth time, strangely enough he was the only one that didn't seem concerned.

"How do you know?" I asked.

Sirius looked me in the eyes and raw honesty stared back at me. "Because Evans, nothing is going to stop Prongs from getting to you, not rejection, not odds and certainly not imminent death."

I turn away from Sirius, how I wished that could be true.

"You should get some rest," Remus told me quietly. "How long has it been since you've slept?"

I shrug. "I want to be here when he wakes up."

"Prongs will kill us if you send yourself to an early grave," Sirius tells me.

"I'm fine," I lie and continue cleaning everything in the room, needing to keep myself busy so I can't stop to feel how exhausted I really am.

I'm just smoothing out James' bed covers when Sirius gets up and I think he's going to leave or maybe tell me to get over it but instead he envelops me in a warm and strangely comforting hug.

"He's going to be ok," he repeats and I can tell that with every bone in his body, Sirius believes it.

"You guys can go," I tell him, trying hard not to cry.

Sirius sits down and pulls me down onto the bench next to him. "Nah, we need to be here too; he's never going to live this down, he finds the most brilliant plan to get out of school work and he does it without me!"

I actually start to smile and Sirius punches the air. "Ha yes! I got her to smile!"

Carla grudgingly hands over three galleons and blows me and Sirius a kiss each. "I've got to head to potions, I'll make your excuses and bring back dinner after."

I wave weakly and Sirius places a cushion on his lap and guides me to rest on it.

"I don't want to sleep," I tell him stubbornly, but already I can feel it claiming me.

"Oh I know," Sirius tells me. "I just like playing with girls' hair."

I'm touched at his kindness and at his understanding, I take his hand and give it a little rub in thanks and then I drift into a deep sleep.

"Lily!"

I jump awake to see James thrashing around in bed, screaming.

"I'm here," I told him softly and I press my hand into his.

I see his chest relax and he's looking around, still with his binds over his eyes.

"Are you ok?" he asks frantically.

"I'm fine," I reply and kiss his hand.

"Am I blind?" he asks, a little panicky.

I start to giggle and gently remove the bandages from around his eyes. Once I've taken them all off he blinks and his eyes seem to glaze over a bit before they gain focus and he's staring at me.

"Are you sure I'm not dead?" he whispers.

I smile at him warmly. "You were right you know, this hero thing definitely is amazing. If anyone asks you, I carried you in here myself ok?"

"What happened?"  
"Big ugly dude tried to come after me, you felt the need to play the hero. I got knocked out but when I came to he cursed you. Therefore I needed to avenge your honour so I cursed him and he ran off like a little girl," I explained.  
"What did he want from you?"  
I stiffen. "To see how pure my blood is."

James grits his teeth in anger. "That bastard! He's lucky I didn't kill him, in fact he better pray I never run into him or his little girlfriend again, because pay back is a bitch!" he takes a deep breath and stares at me again. "Are you ok?"

I smirk at him. "You're the one lying in a hospital bed and you're worried if I'm ok?"

"Naturally."

I roll my eyes and ruffle his hair gently. "You're the strangest boyfriend in the whole world you know that? But I'm glad you were there, even if it meant you were stalking me."

He holds up a hand. "Evans, I wasn't stalking you, I was merely going for a late night stroll."

"A late night stroll?" I ask. "Really."

"Yep, and I just happened to stumble across you and our unwanted visitor. Which reminds me, where the hell did he come from?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure, I talked to Dumbledore about it and he seems to think he may have used the passage way to Hogsmeade and blended in with the students on the way in, the Slytherine's were probably housing him."

"You've talked to Dumbledore?"

"Among other things," I reply with a smile.

I watch him let it all sink in, adding everything up. "Wait a minute, how long have I been out for?"

"Nearly a week," I reply. "I knew teenage boys could sleep in but I'm pretty sure you now hold the record."

"A week! Whoa, what the hell did he curse me with?"

I force a smile on my face, not wanting the fear I had for him to sink in. "I have no idea but it wasn't good, you lost colour pretty fast I thought I might actually get rid of you for a minute there."

He smiles at me broadly. "Nothing could keep me from you Evans, when you go, I go too and only then. We're in it together for the whole thing."

Madame Ghold walks in briskly and gives James a huge smile. "Mr. Potter! Nice to see you've joined the land of the living again, I was actually getting worried for a second there and I've seen you after you thought riding a wild dragon would be 'fun'"

James gave her a winning smile. "Aw worried about me?"

Madame Ghold nodded towards me. "Many were. Miss Evans here stayed here night and day looking after you, she was quite distraught when we first brought you in and your own person nurse."

I started going red as Madame Ghold checked James's progress and then exited the room.

James grinned at me broadly. "Worried about me Evans?"

I crawled next to him. "I might have been."

"You weren't secretly hoping I wouldn't pull through?"

I whacked him gently. "Of course not, you idiot!"

James ran his fingers through my hair. "Because you kinda like me?"

I smiled into his chest. "Because I kinda love you."


	23. Chapter 23

Hey :D Quick update for you, not very eventful I'm afraid but hopefully still ok! Thanks to the subscribers and as always my amazing reviewers; _**Adorkably Adorkable, **__**hayls1313**__**, **__**The DA is dressed to the nines**__**, **__**hpdreamer500**__**, **__**Skylar Jones**__**, **__**hptwilightlvr**__**, **__**Psychokillerhoney**__**, **__**JazzHalesBabyGurl**__**, **__**Chlowie14**__**, **__**XXJAMESLILYXX**__**, **__**merann**__**, **__**dreamingofsunshine**__**, **__**VampyreGirl23**__**, **__**potter06**__**, **__**DelightfulSmiles**__**, **__**Opa12**__**.**_

JAMES

"Come on Delia, I'm all better, it's been nearly two weeks now and as you can see I'm not dying."

Madame Ghold gave me a hard look. "I know, you're far to aggravating for that."

"If you release me I promise to stay out of here for at least two weeks," I try bargaining.

I can see she finds the offer tempting, her hand even twitched towards the discharge papers, then she seems to recall something and her head hangs.

"I'm not allowed to Potter until Dumbledore approves it."

I grit my teeth and knock a box of chocolates off the bed side table. "I'm so freaking bored in here!" I cry out in frustration. "I can only have friends in here for an hour a day and only three at a time, you won't let me go for any walks, I can't even go to the great hall for meals, I feel like a caged animal and I'm dangerously close to a tantrum!"

Madam Ghold's response is to put ear muffs over her ears and continue reading through a book.

"I would even rather be in class and doing exams then this bullshit!" I snap, even though I know she can't hear me.

"That's delightful to hear Mr. Potter, always good to know my students are taking an enthusiastic interest in learning."

I spin around to see Professor Dumbledore smiling at me.

"Oh, hey sir, what's up?"

He gestures for me to sit down and I quickly rush to oblige. "I came to check on how you were feeling, I must admit guilt has plagued me ever since."

I wave away his statement. "Seriously sir, don't stress, trouble seems to find me regardless, you're not responsible for that."

He gave me a small smile. "Well I appreciate you saying this. Lovely day outside isn't it?"

I can't stop myself from scowling. "Certainly looks it."

"I imagine you're anxious to get out of the hospital wing and back into the embraces of your friends so I'll be quick. Due to this latest attack, we have needed to make a few changes; from now on all patrols must be in fours and you must check in with a teacher before you clock off, there are to be no late night trips outside no matter how tempting unless it is for Quidditch and trips to Hogsmeade have been postponed until further notice."

"What? No, sir you can't do that! Everyone is going to be miserable, aren't we meant to be raising morale? Not giving more reasons to feel down?"

He sighs. "Alas there is no easy solution, for everyone's protection I must do this. However, Miss Evans has suggested that we do some exciting activities in the school to keep everyone entertained, she suggested perhaps having our own fair with muggle and magical rides so everyone feels at home?"

I smile broadly. That's my girl always thinking over everyone's needs and catering to all. "When would this be happening sir?"

"A month from now if I can get everyone involved, also, I'm going to need to speak to you and the rest of the students I had words with after the camp. Decisions need to be made as do preparations."

"Are you going to turn us into warriors sir?" I ask stupidly.

Dumbledore grins. "I'm going to give you the tools to become the best wizards and witches you can possibly be with powers to rival those that would try to over throw us."

I give him a wink. "Got it, soldiers without the title."

He gives me a half smile. "I think that will be all James, oh unless of course you wanted me to make arrangements for others to share the dorm with you, so you have extra sources of comfort and protection?"

Is he kidding? At this rate Lily and I were never going to catch a break! "Oh no thanks sir, I think it's in our best interest that we keep everything the way it is."

He raises an eyebrow and quirks his lips up. "I thought as much, well in that case, you're free to go."

I jump up and actually hug him. "Oh thanks sir! Have a great day, bye Delia!" I call as I practically sprint out of the room and slam so hard into something solid I fall back on the ground.

"I'm so sor- YOU!" I stand up and point my wand at Severus who is still trying to gather himself together.

"What are you doing?" he asks quietly and I'm surprised there's no malice in his voice.

"Did you know?" I hiss, pointing my wand at him.

"That you were going to be an idiot and get attacked?" he drawled. "I didn't think it was uncommon."

"No, did you know he was coming for Lily?" I snarled.

"What?" he asks, looking genuinely confused.

"You're buddy Rudolf Lestrange."

"You mean Rodolphus?"

"That's what I said," I tell him impatiently. "Rudolf. The guy that wanted to find out how fucking pure Lily's blood was, _did you know_?"

Severus is now on his feet and shaking head to toe from rage. "You're a liar."

"How would I know his name then? How did I end up in the hospital wing? I stopped him before she got killed!"

He freezes for a moment and then he points his wand at me. "Maybe I'll finish what he started with you, it would make me feel better."

I grin and stretch my muscles quickly, anxious for some action. "Bring it on greasy one."

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Both Snape and I lower our wands as we recognize the voice straight away.

"He started it," we reply at the same time before scowling at each other.

"Who did you want to stop?" I ask, as Lily stands directly between us.

She looks from each of us back and forward before shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. "Both of you, I want both of you to cut it out and leave each other alone."

Snape and I stare each other off and then slowly I break contact and shove my wand back in my pocket. "Alright _girlfriend_, let's get out of here."

Snape looks like I've just stabbed him as Lily takes my hand and with a swift look back at him, starts to walk away with me.

"I wish you could just leave him alone," she tells me quietly.

"Why? He deserves it."

"He's not so bad," she replies. "You don't even know him."

"Oh I know him," I say. "I know _plenty_ of him's. They're in Slytherine. Don't you get it Evans, they're all clones, they don't think individually," I think of Zane and quickly back track. "Well, most of them don't. They think, they feel, they act in the way they think their precious dark lord wants them to. I have seen Snape and his friends force a first year muggle born to write 'I am filthy' over again in their own blood, I have seen him witness on many occasions his friends doing heinous things and not even trying to stop them. I know Severus Snape babe, have you asked yourself if you really do?"

Lily looks puzzled and for the rest of the walk to the school grounds says nothing, trapped inside her head and her own thoughts.

"AHA!"

I turn just in time to see a whip of black and then I'm on the floor, wheezing from the weight on top of me.

"Didn't I tell you he would be good as new Evans? Didn't I tell everyone?" Sirius crooned, face full of delight.

I pat him on the back awkwardly, trying to get my breath back.

"Oh sorry mate," he tells me, getting up and helping me to my feet. "How are you feeling?"

"Winded, but good," I reply.

He thumps me on the back. "You're the biggest attention seeker out of us, do you know that Prongs? All you did was sleep and you had everyone fussing over you, Wormtail shut himself up in the dorm, rocking backwards in forwards murmuring something like 'forgive me', I think he is kicking himself for not getting himself killed giving you a hand!"

I look over at Peter who is the only one without a massive grin on his face. "You alright man?" I ask.

He nods and pastes a huge smile on his face. "J-just glad that you're up on your feet again."

I grab Lily and pull her close to me. "As if I was going to let death stand in the way of finally having Evans to myself."

Sirius gave Lily an 'I told you so' look as he wrapped Carla closer.

"So, I say we celebrate your good health tonight," Sirius proposed, motioning Frank and Alice over who began to run when they saw me standing there.

"Oh James!" Alice squealed throwing her arms around me. "So good to see you're up and on your feet, poor Lily was going out of her mind with worry, we had to take shifts trying to force her to eat and sleep!"

I look over at Lily who is glaring at Alice. "I just didn't want you to die because of me," she murmured.

I grinned at her as I shook hands with Frank. "She carried me the whole way all by herself you know."

Everyone stared at Lily in awe and she grinned at me. "That's right, James was the damsel in distress and I needed to step in, the books never tell you how heavy a body is!"

Sirius high fives Lily and then turns to the rest of us. "Which is another reason to celebrate, Evans here has finally lost her damsel image and has upgraded to hero, between that and Prongs living, I say a party is definitely in order."

"Padfoot, James could have died and you would propose a party in his honour," Remus said with a smirk. "Any excuse will do."

Sirius punched him lightly. "Hey! That's not true! I would have called it a celebration of his life!"

I grin at my best friend. "Clearly much better and a huge difference."

He nods at me. "Exactly! So, what do we all say?"

"Well, where is this party going to be?" Frank asks.

"The Head Boy and Girls' dorm of course," Sirius replies, as if it's the most obvious solution ever.

"Mate, I don't think they gave us our own dorms just so we could party in private," I told him.

"But Prooongs," he whined. "Come on!"

"Dude, I don't want to lose my station already!" I say although I'm really just trying to impress Lily with my maturity, a party would be awesome.

Lily gives me a sweet smile. "Actually, Dumbledore did say we needed to boost morale, isn't that what this would be?"

Sirius throws Lily over his shoulder and spins around in circles. "Yes! Evans, you just got an official invitation to become an honorary Marauder!"

When he puts her down I scoop her close and land a kiss on her mouth. "Have I told you lately how amazingly beautiful and stunning you are?"

She smiles and leans closer to me. "Yes, but please continue, I never get tired of hearing it."

I laugh and then turn back to everyone. "So, we all in? I'm sure we can get some cots for everyone to crash in so you don't get caught out of bed."

Sirius pulls Carla really close. "Make ours a double, we're cuddlers."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, maybe you guys can take your own corner or something, no one needs to see what comes after the cuddling."

Carla giggles. "After the cuddles, I get the back rub," she says wickedly. "Nothing comes for free."

I raise my hand for a high five, she smacks it back. "You have met your match Padfoot."

Sirius grins and for once he doesn't get defensive, in fact he seems quite content.

"So, party tonight, come to our dorm at say eight? Password is magical."

One by one they all grin and nod at me. I looked down at my girlfriend and best friends and felt like I could beat anything anyone threw at me. Anyone looking at me wouldn't have even known I'd been close to deaths door a week earlier.

LILY

I lay soaking in the tub, surrounded by bubbles, relaxing and cleansing myself before everyone turned up in the next two hours. It was going to be a good night, Remus and Sirius had gone to get food enough for everyone, the girls were getting ready and organizing some decorations and Frank and James were organizing some stuff for us to drink.

I was completely and utterly alone to just release all the tensions I had building up and spend some quality time with me.

The door burst open and I immediately went to cover up when I realized I had enough bubbles that I didn't need to.

"Potter!" I screamed.

He shot me an apologetic smile before rushing to the toilet, turning his back on me. "Sorry Evans, but when you gotta go, you gotta go."

"Couldn't you _go_ elsewhere?" I asked irritably.

He looked over his shoulder and grinned. "And miss seeing you all sexy and mad? Never. I told you before, if you don't want visitors, lock the door."

I sighed, he did have a point.

He washed his hands as I buried myself deeper in the water.

"Since you're in here, can you wash my hair?" I asked jokingly.

He shrugs and walks over. "Sure, what do I do?"

I stare at him. "You're seriously going to wash my hair for me?"

"If that's what you want then yep."

Wow, I had never had a boyfriend do that for me. Well actually I've never really had a proper boyfriend, but I could never ever imagine a guy would do this willingly.

I hand him the shampoo bottle, testing him and he rolls his jeans up to his knees and sits at the end of the tub, feet dangling in the water, careful not to touch me so I have my space, he even hands me a towel.

"To cover yourself, so you feel comfortable even with the bubbles," he explains.

God, is this guy for real? James Potter was right out of every girls fantasy of a perfect guy, who knew?

His hand rub the shampoo into my scalp and he's firm as her scrubs my scalp clean and lathers it up.

"So, do you do this for all your girlfriends?" I ask.

He laughs. "Evans, in case you hadn't noticed, I haven't had enough time for other girlfriends, between marauder fun and trying to win you over, there wasn't any room for anyone else.

I dip my head under the water to get all the shampoo off and when I break the surface again a fresh cloth is pressed into my hands to wipe the water off my face.

I wring the water out of my ends as best as possible and then leave James to put the conditioner in.

Surprisingly he starts to massage my scalp and he's really good, I close my eyes and can almost feel myself drifting to sleep.

"So, Evans, do you ask all your boyfriends to do this?"

I smile. "Potter, in case you hadn't noticed, between rejecting you, stopping you from killing Severus and school work, I didn't have room for anyone else really."

"Good," he tells me firmly.

I grin, eyes still closed. "Possessive huh?"

"I just don't like the thought of you being with anyone else," he replies matter of factly.

"Well you got your wish didn't you?"

He tilts my face up and leans down to kiss me. "Sure did Evans, I'm keeping the dream alive!"

I shake my head with a smile and then submerge myself in the water again, running my hands through my hair to remove all the products, enjoying the feeling of water all around me, maybe I'll be a mermaid in my next life.

I breach the surface again and this time James wipes my eyes for me.

"Since you're in such a generous mood, do you want to dry my hair for me too?" I wheedle.

James chuckles. "You're greedy tonight."

"I'll return the favour," I tell him in my sultry voice.

"You're going to dry off my already dry hair?" he asks.

I roll my eyes. "No, I was thinking more along the lines of letting you join me in the bath."

I can't help but giggle at how wide James' eyes go and then how quickly he starts to rip off his shirt.

"Prongs can I bor- WHOA!"

I shriek and slide further into the water, clutching the towel to me tightly as Sirius skids in the room and actually turns his back on me out of respect and stares at James' face only.

"What the hell did I just interrupt?"

James looks ready for murder. "Nothing Sirius, you interrupted nothing _thank you very very much!"_

Sirius shrugs. "Dude, if you wanted privacy you should have locked the door or put your tie on the door knob, now do you want me to give you a minute or are you going to come back down and finish helping us set up the manly stuff?"

James closed his eyes and I actually heard him counting back from one hundred. He got to forty five before he opened his eyes again.

"Be. Down. Soon."

Sirius saluted him and then still looking away from me said. "I saw nothing Evans, I promise and I'm really sorry I intruded on your alone time."

"That's ok, I'll see you later," I managed to croak out and with that he bounded out of the room.

"Duty calls," he told me regretfully.

"I smiled, still nearly fully under the water. "That's alright."

"Rain check though?"

I shook my head. "It's kinda an as you go thing."

James groaned out loud. "I'm going to kill him," he muttered as he left the room, fuming. "Sirius, I'm going to kill you!"

"I told you the tie thing was set for a reason," I heard Sirius call back.

I giggled and then with a sigh forced myself out of the water and wrapped myself in a towel and walked back into my room, careful to lock my door.

This was definitely the kind of thing everyone needed. A night with friends just relaxing, laughing and focusing on friendship and fun instead of all the negatives and apparent impending doom.

I looked over at Remus who was letting Violet ride on his back like he was a horse, as was dared by Frank.

Violet was laughing as she smacked his butt and demanded he go faster.

With a devilish grin he bucked up so he was on his knees and Violet fell off.

"You're a wild one huh?" she asked.

Remus gave a half sarcastic smirk. "You have no idea."

"Your turn," Carla told me. "Truth or dare."

"Dare," I picked on a whim.

Sirius's eyes lit up and he whispered something in Carla's ear which made her crack up. "I dare you to give James a lap dance in front of all us right now."

I sighed; this was exactly why I never picked dare. With a little groan I got up and walked over to James, taking a deep breath I slowly started to body roll towards him, biting my lips and closing my eyes slightly as I traced my finger across the line of my jeans. Then as I got to James I twirled around and sat on him, wiggling my butt around in circles and leaning my back against him and grinding against him in waves. I looked at his face and started laughing, his mouth was open in a little O and his eyes were shut. I moved myself off him and sat on the arm of the chair instead.

"Evans!" Sirius burst out. "Who knew you had it in you! You lucky bastard Prongs."

James had now somewhat recovered and was now grinning. "If you'll excuse us, Evans and I need to go for a talk."

I giggle and swat him away as he tries to pull me into him.

"Evans, you're seriously killing me."

"This is a party Mr. Potter, not an orgy."

James sighs and sits back down, arranging me so I'm on his lap, I bite my lip to stop from laughing as I can feel why.

"Your turn Sirius," Remus says dryly. "Truth or dare."

"Truth," he declares boldly.

"Wuss," James stage whispers and we all laugh.

"Alright," Remus says with a grin. "If you could have a relationship with no sex, or sex all the time but never know love, what would you choose."

We all lean closer without meaning to, anticipating the answer. Sirius stares at Carla, head slightly tilted as if considering her. "Love," he replies softly. "Who wants to wake up alone and have no one care about what happens to you when every day from now on could be your last?"

The whole room goes silent, we were all expecting a smart arse answer, not such an honest and insightful one.

Carla curls herself around him and her tiny frame against his large one reminds me of a kitten curling up with a husky.

"Peter, your turn," James announces, trying to break the mood. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," Peter answers.

"Who's the girl I caught you with the other week?"

That definitely changes the mood alright, Sirius starts clapping his hands and howling in delight, Remus looks pleasantly surprised and everyone else stares at Peter with equal expressions of disbelief. Peter looks like he wants to disappear into a wall.

"Just a friend," he manages to murmur.

Sirius thumps him hard on the back. "Mate, we're all friends here, tell us about her. Is she your _girlfriend? _Monogamy is really in right now."

Remus groans and shakes his head. "What Padfoot is trying to say is that we're surprised you haven't spoken about her, is it serious?"

Peter shakes his head and he looks incapable of speech for the moment.

"What's her name?" I ask.

"What house is she in?" Alice adds.

"Is she hot?" Sirius questions.

Peter sinks lower and lower down in his chair, all colour leaving his face.

"He's just embarrassed because she's a Slytherine," James explains and for some reason I start to feel really anxious.

"Slytherine?" Sirius asks in disgust.

James throws him a dark look and Sirius rushes to correct himself. "I mean, as long as you're happy mater, we'll support you. Why didn't you invite her tonight, don't you want us to meet her? Afraid she'll meet us and find us so intriguing she focuses on us and forgets all about you?"

Peter smiles but I could swear I hear him murmur. "God I hope so."


	24. Chapter 24

Hey :D Bit of a teaser at the end this time, don't hate me! I will deliver I promise. To my wonderful reviewers, _**shroomy-eyes, Adorkably Adorkable, merann, Chlowie14, Ash, hayls1313, Psychokillerhoney, Skylar Jones, VampyreGirl23, RavenclawBabii, Opa12, hpdreamer500, dreamingofsunshine, hptwilightlvr, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, The DA is dressed to the nines, DelightfulSmiles, **__**supacrazyhazey, mayzie, Cjas.**___

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Love you all  
xx

JAMES

Eyes still closed I felt the warm body in my arms and I smiled, burying closer into silky hair. The details from last night were a tiny bit blurry still and I didn't really have any clue how I had ended up in bed but that was ok, because I had company.

Eyes still closed, nestle my head in closer to the hair and breathe in the scents, hmm peppermint? Lily must have changed shampoo's; she usually smelt tropical.

I heard weak stirring and smiled to myself, maybe I'd go fetch her some breakfast.

"Good morning beautiful," I whispered. "Up for something sweet?"

Strong arms wrap around me and I freeze, what the hell?

I open my eyes in alarm to find Sirius snuggled up with me, hair fanned over the pillow and my arm, soft smile on his mouth as he tries to clutch me closer.

"Dude, what the hell?" I shout, jumping away from him.

Sirius opens his eyes groggily. "Babe, what's wro- ARGH JAMES WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

I clutch the sheets to my chest, even though I don't really have anything to hide and shove Sirius. "Dude, you're in _my_ bed, why are you in my bed?"

Sirius looked down at his bare chest and then panic in his eyes ripped the covers off. We both still had jeans on and at the same time we exhaled in relief.

"Carla!" he screamed.

Moments later Carla strolled in with Lily, arm in arm both looking fresh.

"Good afternoon sleeping beauties," Carla says. "Did you boys have a good night, cuddle close?"

I grit my teeth in frustration and point a finger at Lily. "How did you let this happen?"

She opens her eyes wide innocently. "Me? How is it my fault you and Sirius insisted on playing hide and seek and then evidently thought the best hiding place was in each others arms?"

I shuddered and shoved Sirius to regain some of my manhood back. "I thought I made it perfectly clear everyone had their sleeping arrangements they needed to stick to."

Lily smiles and leans her head against Carla's. "Carla doesn't snore, so she won out instead of you."

"Babe, you couldn't have invited me? I don't mind if Evans joined the party," Sirius said slyly.

"Sorry hun, Lily doesn't grope me when I'm trying to sleep…well except that once."

Lily held her hands up in surrender. "Hey! I was asleep!"

Carla nudged her. "Sure, sure, anyway, you boys going to come have some lunch? You missed breakfast."

"Yeah, be down in a minute," I replied.

"Need some alone time?" Lily teased.

"Should we put a tie on the door?" Carla added.

They closed the door just in time before the pillow hit it.

"I'm taking the first shower _alone_," I told Sirius firmly.

"Yeah no worries mate, but then you definitely need some food, tomorrow we start fighting back remember?"

I nodded, yep, and I'd be damned if we didn't win.

I ducked the blow and pressed forward, my whole body filled with determination to achieve this goal of mine. To beat the bastards that had tried to take some much from me. I would not let them get me, I would not fail. Two evils grins give me a warning in advance that I'm about to be hit with another wave of attack and I only just manage to escape. I continue on my path, moving faster and faster and can now feel another presence lurking behind me, following my every move. I ignore them and focus on my two priorities; avoiding getting hit and capturing the prize that ensures my safety.

The darkness starts to overwhelm me and I feel a bit lost. I can hear them jeering and taunting me, anticipating my fall. I'm getting tired, tired of hiding and being chased, tired of fighting against the darkness that is relentless in trying to consume me. Then out of the darkness I see a glimmer of hope and despair vanishes. I _can_ do this. With a purpose I move faster, my mind completely focused, something hard smashes past my shoulder, skimming it, but I ignore the pain, I can't allow myself to focus on it; I'm nearly there.

They are no longer smiling or jeering, my enemies have their weapons raised and are coming after me with malice in their eyes.

My glimmer of hope is almost within grasp, I just need to keep going, I just need to keep trying, just a little bit further…

My head starts to ache as one of _them_ lashes out with everything they have and I feel blood at the back of my head. I push the pain aside and use the last of my energy for a burst of speed. I move right into the light and grasp the small fluttering snitch in my fingers.

I grin at them mockingly as they howl and scream and cuss.  
_We won._

As I float down to the ground, my team mates clapping me on the back and laughing I can't wipe the grin from my face. I look over to see Sirius, Remus and Lily running onto the field, huge grins on their face.

"Griffindor beat Slytherine 185 to Slytherine's 40! What a start to the Quidditch season! James Potter undoubtedly carrying his team this match with a brilliant catch of the golden snitch!"

I could hear Frank commentating and gave him a thumbs up which he returned.

Lily smashed into me and wrapped her arms around me. "That was so good!" she beamed.

She held up a hand. "Look! I was so nervous I bit my nails!"

I grin and ruffle her hair slightly. "Thanks Evans, nice to know you had faith in me."

Sirius roars in delight. "This definitely calls for celebration, Griffindor common room this time!"

Remus gives me an 'I told you so' look and I grin in return.

"What a perfect way to kick start your birthday week!" Sirius says.

Lily looks up at me in surprise. "Birthday week?"

I shrug. "Yeah, two days until I'm officially a man."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded. "Now I have hardly any time to get you the perfect present!"

I smile at her indulgently. "Evans, you already gave me the perfect present to last me a lifetime I finally got you, so I'm all good, just snog me in front of Snape of something, that would make my day."

Lily rolls her eyes but she smiles. "You're horrible."

"But you still love me?"

She pretends to ponder it. "Hmm…quite possibly."

"Well, that's alright then."

"Excellent game Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall beamed. "I trust you'll keep it up!"

"You know it!" I replied.

"To the common room?" Sirius asked.

I looked behind me to see Severus Snape looking murderously at me and longingly at Lily, I pressed a kiss to her cheek when I saw him looking at stuck my tongue out him, who cares if it was childish? It felt good.

He turned and swept away, his little friends following.

"To the common room!" I agreed before turning to Lily. "Would you like a lift?"

She giggles. "You know I hate flying."

"Oh no, I have another ride in mind," I tell her mysteriously.

"You do? Ok, where is it?" she asks curiously.

I make a show of quickly dashing away, running around the group in a circle before stopping in front of her, knees bent so she can jump on my back. "Your ride my lady!"

She gives me a huge smile and using my shoulders as extra leverage, hops onto my back, locking her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.

"To the common room!" she crows and everyone cheers with her as we jog as a group to celebrate.

Lily sat on my lap, immersed in conversation with Alice as I just stared at her in amazement. How did I land this girl? She was so beyond anything anyone could ever conjure up in their happiest of dreams. Her beauty took my breath away each day I saw her, it never grew old, and she was so smart and funny and loyal…oh god I've officially turned into a chick, listen to me gushing!

How glad am I Sirius can't read my mind? Actually, how glad am I that I can't read his judging by the way he's staring at Carla.

Delicate hands wave back and forth in front of my eyes. "Hello!"

I blink into focus at Lily grinning at me. "What is this? As soon as you finally get me all to yourself you quit with the paying me attention? I should have stuck with hexing you."

I smile. "Sorry your highness, my attention is all yours, please, forgive me and start again."

"Better," she says with a smile and then continues on. "I was asking you what you wanted for your birthday, there has to be something."

"I told you, all I ever wanted was you and now I have you so I'm content."

Lily groaned. "Well, what do you ask Sirius to get you?"

I winked at her and she pulled a face at me. "Sorry I asked! Well I can't just give you nothing!"

I shrug. "Well, why not? I have everything I need."

Lily rolled her eyes at me and pinched my cheeks. "So so corny!"

Alice grinned wickedly. "Don't let her fool you James, she loves it."

"Oh, I know she does," I replied. "She just has fun pretending."

"Great game James," I looked up and saw Magenta.

"Cheers," I replied, turning away from her.

"I was thinking we could celebrate,"

"We are celebrating," I reply without looking at her. "Look around."

"Well," she began, walking around so she was in front of me. "I was thinking I could give you a congratulations present." She reaches out to stroke my chest and with lightening instincts Lily grasps her arm tightly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Magenta snapped.

Lily tightened her grip. "I could ask you the same. In case you hadn't noticed, James is _my boyfriend_ and he is _not_ interested, I don't want to have to hurt you because it would set a bad example for others, but make no mistake if you do not back the hell off, I will have no hesitation. He isn't yours, he never will be yours, go sink your talons in somewhere else. We clear?"

Magenta snatches her hand away, rubbing her wrist. "We're clear,"

Lily plastered on a fake, bright smile. "Super! Have fun celebrating!"

Magenta stalked off and I stared at Lily incredulously. "Evans, I never knew you for the jealous type."

She turned her nose up at me. "I don't get jealous, I just hate to see a fellow Griffindor making a complete mockery of everyone else,"

"Liar," I whisper against her neck, right near her ear and she shivers.

"Maybe I don't like sharing," she whispers back.

"That's too bad," I tell her, with a serious face.

Her whole face falls. "It is?"

"Yep, Sirius isn't going to let you keep me all to yourself."

Lily grinned broadly. "Maybe we can get joint custody."  
I get up pulling her with me. "Well, tonight is your night and you're choosing to share me."

Lily pulled a mock horrified face. "Well we can't have that can we, we best head back to our dorms."

*

"James, wake up!"

The warmth of my blanket was ripped from my body and blinding light worked hard to push my eyes open. I threw my arms up to cover my face and curled into a ball.

"Go away Sirius, I'm not afraid to turn you into a tea cup again,"

Something hard and smooth was now being poked into my rib cage. I began to wake up with a vengeance, jumping out of bed and grabbing my wand in the same go I prepared to fight for the right to get some goddamn shut eye.

I stood facing a very unimpressed Lily. "So I'm guessing you're not a morning person?"

I drop my wand immediately. "Shit, I'm so sorry!"

"Why? You didn't curse me."

"But I raised my wand at you!"

Lily rolls her eyes. "You're such a drama queen, don't apologise unless you do something wrong, other wise they just become words."

I open my mouth to say sorry but stop myself quickly.

"Good, you're a fast learner. Dumbledore wants to see us," she informed me as she handed me a pile of toast.

"I thought I'd let you sleep in and you could eat breakfast on the way,"

"You might possibly be the perfect woman," I breath, eagerly taking the food.

"I've often thought so," she jokes, tossing me some clothes. "I'll give you five minutes, you're a guy how long could it possibly take?"

Fifteen minutes later I headed down the stairs where Lily stood, arms crossed over her chest, scowling at me.

"What?" I ask innocently as we head out to Dumbledore's office. "Perfection takes time you know!"

She sighs deeply and walks a little faster, ignoring me.

By now I no longer feel nervous or terrified as I sit opposite Dumbledore who is smiling at me and everyone who had been there the first time for the meeting. I feel a faint curiosity this time at what could have gone wrong recently to call such a meeting and wondering if we'd be chastised for wanting to do nothing more than screw up in the only way teenagers so where the consequences were a broken heart or disappointed adults, instead of focusing on putting childish things aside and stepping up to our fate of being the new soldiers for this seemingly relentless war.

Dumbledore gave me a small smile, as if he was reading my every thought.

"So, what's up sir?" Sirius asked casually, as he sat on the corner of Dumbledore's desk. "What's the new big bad we're unprepared to fight up to?"

I shake my head as everyone around me gasps. Sirius would always be Sirius, war or no war.

"Well Mr. Black, I would first like to point out that the fact that none of you are prepared to spill blood or face heavy loss is a good thing and it pains me to know it will have to change. As you are all aware, time waits for no one and apparently war doesn't either. I cannot feign ignorance any longer, I will not be telling you pretty little tales tonight because the first thing you need to learn and accept as early as possible is that _life is not fair_. I know you are all too young to be a part of this, that you deserve a happy and fulfilling adolescence, however, if we are to ensure your children and others are going to live the life you should have had, you are going to have to grow up far before your time. I spoke with you briefly before the holidays and gave you a lot to think about, I gave you a choice. I must press firmly that you will not be forced into this, I do not and will not ever take away free will."

Fabian and Gideon stood proudly. "We're in."

Dumbledore didn't look surprised. "You do not wish to hear what is required?"

Gideon shook his head. "My sister already has three little boys, we want them to have the best life without fear or having to witness anything that belongs in nightmares only.

Dumbledore nodded in understanding. "I thought as much. For the rest of you, I will not lie, death is coming, we all have a number over our heads…"

I saw Lily shudder.

"You will fight hard, you will maime, injure and possibly kill your enemies, your lives will always be in danger, you will live life knowing each day could be your last, however, if we band together, if we fight for the right to live and love freely, thousands will be saved. This is not something to enter into lightly and I will not be upset with you should you choose not to be apart of this. Please, just think this through; the decision is entirely yours."

We all sit in silence, each thinking on how different our lives will be once we walk out the door. I think of my parents and their unwavering compassion and love, Alice and Frank who are providing a union of hope, Peter and Remus who have been there since day one and had already seen so much hardship. I thought of Sirius, my best friend, defying his family to pursue his own dreams and opinions, costing him everything he's ever known. Finally, I thought of Lily who I had fought so hard for, whom I loved more than anything. I thought of all these people that made up my whole world and made my decision.

LILY

"I'm in,"

I turn to James who was looking determine and somehow older.

"Me too," Sirius grinned, "There's no way Jimmy boy gets all the glory,"

"I had better make sure you don't get yourself killed," Remus sighed. "I'm in too."

Silence covered the room again and I thought of what Dumbledore had said about numbers and fought back tears as I thought of my family I was never going to see again.

Could I do this? Could I be strong enough to help others and face my fears? Could I be what everyone needed me to be? After all, Lily Evans the ice queen, how was I meant to bend when all I knew was to break?

James rubbed my back gently and Carla squeezed my hand.

I felt warmth flood my body again and I closed my eyes and slowly raised my hand. "I'm in,"

I opened them again and looked at my dear friends, who were now the only family I had left.

"Count me in too," Alice murmured, Frank hurried to agree and then everyone else seemed to make up their mind. Only Carla was left.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't think I can," she fled the room quickly and both Sirius and I started after her.

"No, leave her," Dumbledore told us. "This is what she needs to do."

I sighed deeply and hung my head. I had never done anything without Carla before, she was always the strong one out of us, always up for a challenge, I had always thought it would be me that would step back from something like this, never Carla.

"What about Pete?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"Shouldn't he be here? It feels weird having the marauders without him."

Dumbledore paused and I wondered if he was feeling as uneasy I was about this idea, which was entirely absurd I knew. "Everyone in this room, I chose for a reason Mr. Black, everyone in this room has proven themselves, worthy and capable."

I looked over and saw that James, too had an odd expression on his face.

"Pete's got more in him than anyone realizes sir," Sirius explained. "He wants a happy world too so he has as much right to be invited as any of us do. Give him a chance sir, please, you'll see a side to him which you never thought possible before, I'll take responsibility for him I promise, just let him be a part of this, who knows, if we give him the chance he might be a key player in this whole war. He might have something none of us do."

Dumbledore looked torn and for a moment I thought he might say no, part of me _wanted_ him to say no, but then finally he sighed deeply.

"Very well Mr. Black, I will have a few words with Mr. Pettigrew."

"Yes!" Sirius called out. "Thanks heaps, you won't regret this."

"I hope not," Professor Dumbledore murmured and the room plunged into silence again.

God this was getting awkward.

"So, what are we?" Sirius asked brightly.

"We?" Dumbledore inquired.

"Yes, the Death eaters have a name, shouldn't we have one? Like the Avengers or something?"

I snorted. Typical Sirius.

"That is a very valid point Mr. Black, does anyone have suggestions?"

Everyone called out equally ridiculous names and soon we were all laughing, as if it was all just a silly game. Only James sat silently, staring intently at the beautiful Phoenix in front of him.

"The Order of The Phoenix," he whispered and we all turned to stare at him. "Because out of the ashes we emerge stronger and ready for a new life."

Dumbledore beamed at him brightly. "Shall we vote? Raise your hands if you find the name suitable?"

We all raised out hands immediately, I held mine the highest.

*

I found Carla later in the astronomy tower where we usually went to hang out and get some air.

"Hey," I said, hovering at the entrance.

"Hi," she sighed, back turned to me.

"So, that was interesting back there,"

Carla sniffled a bit and I realized she was crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I just…god it's so stupid!"

"Don't say that, come on, nothing is stupid between best friends."

"I just…all that talk about what was going to happen and how casual and quickly Sirius jumped into and you it's…it's too much. I can't sign on to watch the people I care most about march to their deaths, I just can't do that."

"Carl," I said softly, sitting down next to her. "We're all going to die, every single one of us, mortality is the flaw of the human race, everyone will lose at least one person they care about in this world whether they like it or not. I understand that it's hard, that it's not fair but we're not going to just march up to the death eaters or Voldermort and say "hey here I am, kill me!","

She lay her head against my shoulder. "I guess I'm not as brave as you then,"

"Brave?" I barked. "I'm not brave, I'm scared out of my mind, I'm doubting my every move, I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, but I know that I have to do it, that I have to try. I have to know that I fought for everyone as hard as I could, that I worked hard to ensure that there was a world I would be comfortable enough to bring kids in. We're all scared, we just know there's no other way."

Carla groaned softly. "When did you become the level headed one?"

"Since always, it's just no one chose to listen,"

Carla giggled softly. "Everyone must think I'm the biggest sook, I'm never going to be able to face them again."

"Not at all, Sirius is going out of his mind with worry he's scared you're going to break up with him or something, and the rest of us admire you for doing what you needed to do, no matter what the outcome,"

"Why would I break up with him?"

"He's a boy, when do they ever think clearly?" I replied.

Carla smiled. "This is true. Maybe…maybe I will join."

I bumped her shoulder gently. "Or maybe you won't, it doesn't matter, we each have our own paths that only we can walk, I'm here no matter what, that doesn't change,"

"Thanks, I think I just really needed to hear that,"

"Come on," I told her. "We'll be late for potions, Professor Slughorn will kick me out of his club if I'm late one more time."

I pulled her up and arm in arm we headed to class.

"You can help me with my dilemma too," I told her. "Much more serious than the possibility of the world ending."

"What is it?" Carla asked nervously.

"Just what the hell I get James for his birthday, boys are impossible!"

Carla actually started to laugh and bumped my shoulder back. "What do you give the boy that has everything?"

"He doesn't have everything though," I reply.

"Lils, when are you going to get it through your head that to James Potter, _you_ are everything?"

A thought struck me and I pecked my best friend on the cheek. "You're a genius you know that? An absolute genius!"

"Miss Evans, Miss Fitch, you're late," Professor Slughorn told us.

I gave him my most charming smile. "I just wanted to see if you would miss me sir, did it work?"

Had it been any other teacher, I would have gotten detention, lucky for me I seemed to have a way with him and he began to chortle. "Oh Miss Evans, such cheek on you! Go get yourself seated before I change my mind!"

I hurried to my station and got out my book, but instead of focusing on the revision for the up coming exams I worked out the details for James' perfect present.

He had better appreciate it.

*

I waited at eleven fifty five in the common room, waiting for James to get back. I had approximately five minutes until he would be here, and it would be exactly five minutes until he was officially of age. I smiled to myself, I had always wanted an older boyfriend, even if it was a few months, actually I had always just wanted a boyfriend, funny how James Potter seemed to be everything anyone could ever want rolled in one.

I nervously played with my hair as I ran through my mind everything I had set up, had I missed anything?

I'd made a little treasure hunt for him, placed cards all around the castle with instructions to the next clue and a memory I had of him that I had secretly been pleased about but had kept my mouth shut for the sake of my pretence of hating him. The last clue was to lead him here, to me. I looked down and almost felt like calling it off. God, how childish was this! Maybe I could make something up about Sirius daring me to do this or something? I'd send an owl to Sirius now begging him to please go along with this, for the sake of my dignity, I'm sure I could just get James something tomorrow or order him something.

I'm about to run upstairs to my room when I hear the portrait slide up and James foot steps approaching.

Shit, I guess I was stuck with it now. Well, maybe I could confound him into forgetting this ever happened or something?

He came around the door, a handful of pink shapes notes in his hand and a smile on his face. Once he saw me his jaw dropped completely and the cards fell limp from his hand.

"Um…Happy birthday!" I cried weakly.

His eyes looked me up and down and I felt myself going red as he took me all in.

This had been the stupidest idea ever.


	25. Chapter 25

Hey everyone, it's just a really rushed one this time, I'm just still finding my way to the big events. As always this story is dedicated to my reviewers; **Cjas, DelightfulSmiles, merann, Ash, Psychokillerhoney, hgfv, hpdreamer500, Opa12, VampyreGirl23, hptwilightlvr, The DA is dressed to the nines, ravenclawLupin11, XXJAMESLILYXX, Lucierob, Ellie 3, Adorkably Adorkable, M333gan.**

The most amazing people ever :D 3

JAMES

Had I died and gone to heaven? How had the death eaters managed to get me so quickly without me even noticing? Or maybe I was hallucinating. That had to be the only explanation because there was no way this was real.

"Um…happy birthday!"

I couldn't even reply, I just stood there staring like an idiot.

Lily Evans was standing in front of me, wearing only a tight low cut black corset with matching sexy panties, knee high boots and a big bow tied around her waist.

Lily started to cover herself up. "I'm sorry, this was so stupid I just thought…never mind, I'll go change."

I had her pinned against the wall faster than even I thought I was capable of.

"Evans…wow," I whispered, kissing her neck softly.

"Do you like it?" she whispered back. "You said you only wanted me so I thought I'd give you me…was it dumb?"

"This is the best present I have ever received," I tell her fervently. "I don't think anything could ever top this. In fact, we could go to Azkaban right now and I could kill every single Dementor, that's how happy I am right now."

Lily smiled shyly. "Really?"

I traced a line down the corset and bit my lip hard.

"You have _no_ idea," I told her as I started to suck on her neck gently as I cupped on of her boobs in my hand, god this was the kind of thing that could only lead to trouble.

She pushed me away slightly and I wanted to kick myself, I was treating her like a common whore, what the hell was wrong with me? This was _Lily Evans_.

She started to walk up the stairs to the bedrooms and I almost smacked my head against a wall until she flicked her hair over her shoulder and gave me a seductive smile.

"Well?" she asked. "Aren't you going to unwrap me?"

I practically flew up the stairs, tackling her onto the bed and capturing her mouth with mine. Lily gasped a little in surprise and then her fingers tangled in my hair and she pressed me as close to her as possible, even arching her back. I cupped one hand behind her neck, supporting her and keeping her close at the same time as my other traced a line up and down her thigh. My lips were hungry, god I needed this, god I had waited for this for too long.

Suddenly I froze and pulled away.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked nervously.

"Hold on," I told her absent mindedly as I got up and exited the room. I returned moments later, with a huge grin on my face, tie in my hand.

Lily raised an eyebrow as I placed it on the outside of the door and then closed it.

"Now we can finally be alone," I told her as I jumped onto the bed.

She grinned and opened her arms to welcome me back. I took a hand and kissed it gently, then let it hang limp. With a grin on my face I slowly began to undo the bow she'd tied around her waist as I kissed a trail down her neck.

"James…" she moaned softly.

"We go at whatever pace you want," I whispered to her. "Just say the word."

She pulled my lips down to hers in reply. Shit. Yes.

Delicate fingers fumbled with my belt for a brief couple of seconds and then it was ripped out and thrown on the ground.

"Evans," I gasped out. "Have you done this before?"

She shakes her head with a little smile. "I'm making it up as I go, tell me if I do it wrong ok?"

"You could never do it wrong," I tell her before pressing my lips against hers again, pouring every bit of passion I posses into her, letting her feel how badly I want her, how much I truly _need_ her.

Little hands slide into my pants and I bite down on my lip to stop from groaning too loudly. I hope they didn't have video cameras in our rooms or anything, because they would be getting quite a show!

I traced my finger across her pant line and Lily froze and pulled her hand out.

I moved back a little at once. "Are you ok? Did I do something?"

She looked away from me and blushed slightly. "I've never done you know…anything before and I'm not sure…"

I pressed my hand over her mouth to silence her.

"That's ok babe, seriously, we got all the time in the world,"

I pulled her close to me and we lay there cuddling in silence for what seemed like an entire life time.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and almost sounded like she was crying.

"What for?" I asked bewildered.

"Tonight…I'm such a sook,"

I chuckled softly. "Evans, you gave me the best birthday I have ever had, you don't ever apologise to me ok? Not about this."

"Have you ever…you know?" she whispered.

I sighed. "Sex? No, never. Other stuff? Yeah, I have."

"Did it feel good?"

"Yeah it did, but it wasn't great I don't know how to explain it, it was like something was missing you know? That I was empty."

Lily cuddled closer to me. "Do you think it will be like that with me?"

I kiss her forehead. "You say the strangest things something Evans. You complete me, any other girl was always second best to you, and that's why it didn't feel right. Whether you realize it or not, we were made for each other."

Lily leans over and kisses my chest gently and then curls herself around me. Nothing has ever felt so right.

I wake up to tentative knocks on the door and for a moment I almost convince myself I'm back home.

"Yeah?" I call out as quietly as I can when I notice Lily dosing on me still.

"Um…Prongs? I know you're busy, I saw the tie, I just came to give you your birthday present, when do you want me to come back?"

My mouth drops, I have never heard Sirius so polite before, had all I really needed to do was put a damn tie on the door to earn some privacy?

With a small peck on her forehead, I shift Lily off me and slide out of bed, making sure she's completely covered before I go to the door and open it just far enough that he can see my face.

"Lily's sleeping, I'll be down in five," I tell him softly.

I'm surprised when he doesn't try to high five me or make a smart comment, instead he gives me a proud smile and nods. "Take your time."

I tip toe back into the room and make my way to the bathroom, I splash water on my face and when I look up my reflection is almost glowing, maybe it's the glow of a seventeen year old, or perhaps it's the glow of a man who has fallen so deeply in love a change was inevitable.

I give my reflection a wink; we finally got the girl, and then I practically skip down to the common room where my friends are waiting.

Remus has given me a chess set that he's made himself, except the chess pieces are of us, all our friends and the awful things in the world as opposition.

"I rigged it," he told me sheepishly. "So that white will always defeat the dark."

"Thanks," I tell him with a huge grin.

Peter's given me an assortment of my favourite sweets, Frank an auto correct quill, even Zane had sent some chocolate frogs. Lastly was Sirius, he roughly hands something over to me and I almost drop it. I unwrap it quickly and stare at it with wide eyes.

"Sirius…you shouldn't have done this," I tell him softly.

He shrugs not meeting my eyes. "You're only seventeen once,"

He's bought me a new broom, the latest model. "How did you even afford this?'

"My Uncle," he replies simply.

I open my mouth to argue but he talks over me. "Dude I'm not good with this emotional stuff ok so don't embarrass me by making a big deal, I got you this because I wanted to, you can't give it back it's rude. And besides, now you'll have no excuse in Quidditch, if you lose it's because of you, not your broom."

I smile at him and pull him in for a big hug. "You're the biggest softy, do you know that?"

He pulls out of my grasp, blushing. "Yeah, so…happy birthday."

"Thanks," I tell him, then I turn to Remus and Peter that are sitting there looking up at me. "Thanks to all of you, this is great."

"Hey James what are you- ?"

Lily broke off when she saw my friends staring at her, wearing my shirt and some old shorts, then squeaked and ran back up the stairs.

"Well, I guess that answers what Lily gave you," Remus commented.

I threw a chocolate frog at him. "Hey, it's not like that."

He smiled apologetically as I turned to Sirius. "Well? I'm waiting for your comments and remarks."

"You're not gonna get them," he tells me simply. "I think it's awesome for you mate, it's about time you earned some happiness."

I stare at him shocked. "That's it?"

"That's it," he replies. "I can be serious you know,"

"Aren't you always?" I retort and he gives me a sarcastic smile.

I notice that my friends are all dressed and I remember I still have classes today, damn, can't a guy catch a break on his birthday?

"I better go get dressed," I say grudgingly.

"Or undressed," Sirius says and then clamps a hand over his mouth.

"Ha! Knew it," I say to him as I start to walk up the stairs.

"Old habits die hard," he calls up to me.

"You're lucky I'm in such a good mood Padfoot," I shout back as I walk up to my room, noticing that the bathroom door has a tie on it. I grin to myself. Good girl; she learns fast.

LILY

I sat in Divination with Alice, working hard to find out what my year had in store for me according to the stars, planets etc and I was not getting far, I was really distracted. James, Sirius and Peter seemed to be Remus's body guards for the day, they all positioned themselves around him in class, walked in a tight group when they went anywhere, and Sirius even starting carrying Remus's bag for him. What was going on? He certainly was looking pretty weak today, had he and Violet broken up or something and he'd taken it hard?

"That is all for today," Professor Withers boomed out. "May you be blessed tonight as it is the beginning of the full moon!"

I froze. Of course! Remus was going to have to transform tonight. I shuddered at the memory of him last time, god that poor guy, life really was unfair.

"Lils, you ok?" Alice whispered.

My eyes darted to Remus who was laying his head on the table and Sirius who had a protective arm around him.

"Yeah, fine," I whispered back. "I'll see you at lunch ok? I want to catch up with James."

Alice grinned. "Little redevous in the closet?"

I forced a smile. "You know me too well."

Alice gave me a pat on the back and skipped off to go meet Frank. I headed over to Remus, Sirius and James and handed Remus a flask filled with cool water.

"Here," I told him. "Looks like you could use this,"

He took it from me with shaking fingers, not even able to muster smile.

"Should be even be coming to classes?" I asked James.

"He needs to feel like he's in control," James whispers back.

"This is control?"

"Should have seen…first year…"

I pat Remus's head and give him a little kiss on the top. "Need me to do anything?"

"No thanks," he croaks and I feel my heart squeeze a bit.

"There has to be a cure for this," I whisper as we start to slowly climb down the ladder, the boys supporting Remus without taking complete control.

"There isn't," Peter tells me.

"Well, I'm going to talk to Professor Slughorn, he'll know something," I tell them firmly.

"Lily…"

"I'm not going to mention you," I tell Remus quickly. "I'll say it's for a project, there has to be something that can be done for you."

I try to walk off but Sirius grabs my arm. "We've already asked Evans, they're working on a potion that sorta sedates the wolf, they doubt there will ever be a cure."

I hang my head slowly, feeling like some sort of a failure, even if it was ridiculous to feel this way.

A frail hand tilts my chin up. "Thank you," Remus murmurs.

I give him a small smile. "I just wish I could help,"

"Remus!"

Remus freezes in horror as Violet calls out to him. I smile to myself, finally. This at least I can help him with. James takes a step forward but I place a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Let me, I feel like me and Violet are in desperate need of some girl talk,"

Sirius whistles in amazement, James beams at me, Peter smiles softly and Remus mouthes 'thank you'

I set off and link my arm through Violet's pulling her in the opposite direction without even stopping.

"What the? Lily what's going on? I wanted to go talk to Remus about something…"

"I need your help," I told her seriously.

Violet's face lost all yearning for Remus and lit up with curiosity. "You do? From me?"

"Oh yes," I tell her. "I'm having trouble with James, I'm not good with feelings and you know, I wondered if you had tips."

Violet looks flattered. "Oh wow, so glad you came to me, and you definitely picked the right person. Hang on,"

She yanks me into a bathroom and into an empty stall and locks it. "This should give us some privacy, ok shoot,"

Damnit, I was so not prepared for this? Why couldn't I have asked for help with homework?

"Um…maybe you can tell me how you and Remus communicate?"

Violet chuckles. "That's why I said you came to the right person. Remus isn't that great with emotions either, don't get me wrong, he's such a sweet boyfriend, but I always feel like he's hiding part of himself you know? That there's this whole other side to him he won't let me see."

I work hard to keep my face expressionless.

"Anyway, what I find works is taking it slow. You're putting too much pressure on getting everything out in the open, little things work best. Compliment him when he does something nice, if you're having a really good conversation, let him into your walls by revealing something personal, I find that if you show that you trust them, they feel like they can trust you."

I stare at Violet incredulously, sure this had started as just a diversion for Remus but I was actually learning stuff here, maybe talking about feelings did have their advantages.

"I just…I feel like maybe he's out of my league you know? And I have to try so hard to match up to every girl he could have."

Violet impatiently waved these thoughts away. "No, no, see, that's your problem. Your still thinking about how you can be like the other girls, when really you should think about the fact that he _could_ have had them, but chose _you_, worked hard for years for _you_. You have something they don't have, and that's James Potters undivided attention. Don't let your insecurities ruin your relationship, you have everything to make a perfect relationship, you just have to stop thinking and _feel_."

"I'm not good at the feeling bit," I admit.

Violet smiles at me gently. "There's no right or wrong way to feel, it's just something you do naturally."

I sigh and look down at my watch, that should have given them enough time to take Remus somewhere private. "Well, thanks heaps for the talk."

"Um…do you think maybe I could ask you something now?"

I look up in surprise. "Um, sure."

"Do you think Remus is going to break up with me?"

My mouth actually drops. "What? Why would you think that?"

"He's been avoiding me, and as lovely as our chat was I know you were trying to distract me."

I manage to shut my mouth, just. Clever girl.

"I just…maybe I've been too intense, I told him I loved him two days ago and he said that it was a mistake to love a monster and that I was too good for him and I just thought he was saying it because he was drunk or something but he hasn't talked to me since, so I'm feeling a bit like an idiot."

I sighed. How the hell was I supposed to explain what was going on? This wasn't my secret to tell.

"He's sick," I told her bluntly. "The boys had been mucking around and he got sick and is embarrassed to be around anyone until he gets better, especially you because he's pretty moody and doesn't want to upset you because he cares about you so much."

Violet stares at me suspiciously and I work hard to stare at her with more intensity, eventually she looks away and I smile internally. Thank god for muggle staring contests.

"Really?" she finally whispers.

"Really," I reply firmly. "Give him a week to get himself sorted out and he'll be back to normal I swear."

Violet gives me another hard stare and I'm wracking my brain for counter arguments when she throws her arms around me.

"Thank you, I really needed to hear that,"

I pat her back awkwardly. "Oh, no worries, don't mention it."

Really, don't mention it.

Violet pulls away and gives me a bright smile. "I just really like him you know? And as much as I can preach to you about relationships, I think we're all flying blind when we're in love, we just have to do our best and hope that it works out, and even if it doesn't I'd rather know what love is then not experience pain."

I beam at her, unlock the door and offer my am for her to take. I knew exactly what she meant to me, in love all we can do is just close our eyes and jump and hope to god they catch us when we fall

*

I sat on James bed watching him stride around, and continually check the time to see if he needed to go.

"Can I come?" I ask.

He stops pacing to look at me.

"I mean, I could help right? Right? I could work hard, become an animagus like you, help Remus out."

His face softens and he sits down next to me. "That you would even offer means more than you will ever know and shows just how sweet and giving you are, but it took us the best of three years to even get used to it and five years to perfect it. You taking care of Violet today is probably more than we have ever done in all our years with Moony, you've ensured he has something to look forward to."

I hang my head and again feel the irrational urge to cry. "What if one day you get hurt, won't know what's happened to you."

James gets up and rummages through his room until he finds what looks to be an old bit of parchment and whispers something into it before bringing it over to me.

"This is a magical map, it will show you where I am at all times, every time I go out just look at this, that way you know I'm safe."

I nod and take the parchment which amazingly has two dots showing me and James sitting next to each other.

"I wish I could do something more," I tell him. "It's like you guys are my family now, there's nothing I wouldn't do for any of you."

James kneels in front of me and takes my hands. "I love you, you know that right? You're the very definition of good and I don't even know what life would be like without you in it, I hope I never have to find out."

"You sound like a muggle chick flick," I tell him, fighting back tears.  
"Nobody puts baby in the corner," James tells me with a grin and then with a final kiss he leaves.


	26. Chapter 26

Hey all, i need to really really apologise because the next 3 to 4 chapters are going to be preeeety dodgy, but i promise if you bear with me i have some really great stuff planned!  
Anyways, to my amazingly awesome, sweet (insert positive word here) readers and reviewers;

**Ash, chloe'sfire, dreamingofsunshine, Chlowie, merann, supacrazyhazey, psychokillerhoney, shroomy-eyes, mediwitch3, Jenny96, Opa12, VampyreGirl23, The DA is dressed to the nines, XXJAMESLILYXX, raevnclawlupin11, hptwilightlvr, hpdreamer500, Cjas, M333gan,**

just wow, thank you, thank you and thank you. Been having the worst time but you're sweetness cheers me up.  
This chapter and every chapter is yours.

* * *

JAMES

It was nearing dawn and thank god for that. Tonight had been horrible, we couldn't even take wolf-Remus out of the shrieking shack for a walk he had been so restless and inconsolable. Sirius had, had to subdue and fight against him for most of the night, Peter had spent most of the night hiding in the tunnel and I had stood guard over the door, sneaking glances at the window counting down the hours until the darkness faded and sunshine marked the beginning of a new day and fresh start.

Finally Wolf-Remus curled himself up into a ball on the torn and shredded couch and began to doze, moments later his body began to contort and shift until finally Remus was lying there, shivering slightly and very bloody.

I transformed back into myself as Sirius did the same.

"Way to spend your birthday huh?"

I shrug. "As long as he's eased a bit, good enough present for me,"

"Still…brutal,"

I look over at Remus who is stirring and spitting blood onto the floor. "Brutal," I agree as we both start towards Remus and take an arm each and try as gently as we can to maneuver him out.

Peter isn't in the tunnel and I'm not really surprised, there was something definitely up with him lately, I'd have to remember to ask him about that later.

We get closer and closer to the entrance and my mouth drops at what's waiting for us at the end. Lily is standing there with a pitcher of water and a waiting floating stretcher.

"What are you doing here?" I asked surprised as I help Sirius put Remus on the stretcher comfortably, god she's even got a pillow and blanket there for him.

"Nobody puts baby in the corner," she tells me with a small smile. "Or Lily in a common room alone."

Sirius raises his eyebrows and she sighs.

"I'm looking after my friend, I can't just sit around knowing he's in pain. I know you told me not to come, but I thought I could at least do this, that maybe I could ease him a little. Are you mad?"

I stare at her in awe. Who _was_ this girl? "You never cease to amaze me," I tell her honestly.

"So I did good?" she asked as she raised a glass to Remus's lips and gently helped him drink.

"You did great," Sirius replied for me. "You're our own little saint,"

Lily smiles shyly. "He just deserves better than this,"

I look down at one of my best friends, who looks slightly better with Lily's help. "Yeah, he does."

*

It's just me, Sirius and Lily walking back to our dorms after we drop Remus off to the hospital wing when an owl comes and drops a letter off into Sirius's hands.

"Bit early for a howler from mum," he muses. "I haven't even sent her a griffindor greeting card yet."

I chuckle a bit as he opens it up and starts reading it, by the end of the letter, there's no smile on his face.

"What's wrong?" Lily asks.

"My brother," he replied tersely. "Apparently there is something huge going on and he needs to talk to me."

I clasp his shoulder. "Tough break man, you gonna go?"

Sirius sighed. "He probably got his first chest hair or something and is freaking out he's turning into a monkey, I'll go play the nice big brother."

I grin. "Don't hex him if you can help it,"

Sirius pouts and storms off. "Kill joy."

I grin and sling an arm over Lily and steer her to our common room and dorms.

"He won't hurt him right?" Lily asked a bit fearfully.

"They're brothers," I tell her. "He won't kill him if that's what you're concerned about but don't all families fight?"

She goes silent and I know she's picturing life with Petunia. "I guess they do," she finally says.

"I never had anyone else to fight with," I tell her. "Which I think is the reason I've broken half the bones in my body, I figure I had only myself to work with."

Lily shakes her head. "Idiot."

"I resent that! It's Mr. Idiot to you."

"Oh, my mistake entirely," she replies sarcastically.

"Again, I'm willing to let you make it up to me, since I'm such an upstanding young man."

Lily rolled her eyes. "My arse you are."

"Incorrect password," the girl fairy told her darkly.

"Oh no, sorry I was talking to him, password is beauty,"

The painting flew up so fast dust flew out of the top.

"I don't think they like you," I told her with a grin.

"That would be your fault, so now _you_ need to make it up to _me_," she replied, moving her way through the room with grace to fall into a big chair.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Twenty questions," she tells me.

"No dare?" I ask with a smirk.

"Nope, anyone can do a dare, this game has been the cause of many tears and tantrums at sleep overs. You have to be so brutally honest, even if it kills you, no lies allowed."

"What if you choose to not answer the question?" I ask.

"Then you have to do a dare of the askers choice and cannot back out of it," she replied with an evil glint to her eye. "Do you think you're man enough?"

Oh that did it, as if I was gonna let her try and take away my manliness. "Bring it on Evans. Bring. It. On."

She gestures for me to sit down and I do so.

"Alright, first question; what's your worst habit?"

"Easy, selective hearing. Next."

"First girlfriends name?"

"Teyra,"

"Was she pretty?"

I smile, knowing what she's really asking. "That's a good word for it, pretty face, nothing stunning like you."

She blushes and knocks me gently. "What's your biggest fear?"

"Slugs,"

She looks at me in disbelief. "Slugs?"

"Yep, creepy disgusting things."

"Not spiders? Or fire? Or claustrophia?"

"Does that count as three questions?"

She smiles at me. "Slugs it is, fair enough. If you could have any super power, what and why?"

Easy. "X-ray vision, for obvious reasons."

She smacks me harder this time. "Pervert."

"You're not meant to be judging Evans, just asking, please ask away."

"Most embarrassing moment?"

"Sirius stole my clothes and wand after a Quidditch game when I was having a shower, I had to run to the dorm in nothing but a tiny, soaking wet towel."

Her eyes widen and she starts to giggle, no doubt picturing this in her head.

"Shut up and ask the next question," I tell her.

"Ok, ok, sorry. Why do you hate Severus so much?"

"Why does he hate me so much?" I counter.

"You should be a politician," she informs me. "Answering a question with a question. You have to answer that's what the rules say."

I groan loudly, how was I meant to tell her that the main reason was; it was clearly obvious he was so blatantly in love with her it really pissed me off. "He's a Slytherine," I reply stiffly.

"The game is called Truth James," she tells me condescendingly.

"Fine, it's because I worked my arse off for _years_ trying to get you to notice me and from day one he had you willingly spending time with him and he totally took it for granted and he's a bloody ponce too!"

Lily looked shocked and then slowly a grin spread across her face. "You were jealous of him."

"I was not!" I snap back.

She grins broader. "_James is jealous of Severus_."

My fists clench at the ridiculousness of the thought. Me? Jealous of Snivellous just because he had Lily all to himself for five years? Yeah right…well maybe.

"Next question," I tell her tersely.

Lily smirks. "Have you ever been jealous of Severus Snape?"

I freeze. Little minx! Well, I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of the truth. "I pass."

"You pass?" she repeats.

"Yep."

"So this means you're forfeiting the game after eight questions?"

Feeling an odd sense of shame, I nod.

Lily looks delighted. "You would be _massacred_ at sleep over's! Alright, are you ready for your dare?"

Dread fills my body. "Yeah?"

"I dare you…to catch me!"

She's up and running before I even have time to process what she's said to me and can react. Taking a few seconds for my male brain to catch up, I give her a head start before I'm dashing up the stairs after her.

I look for her in her room and she's nowhere to be found, I even check under the bed and behind the door, I rush into the bathroom and she's not there either; that leaves only my room unless she's doubled around to the common room again.

Tip toeing as quietly as possible I creep into my room and look for her, she isn't anywhere obvious that I can see. I'm just moving past the door when I feel a weight on my back and hear lots of giggling. I find myself smiling in return as I back towards the bed and dump her there.

"Looks like I caught you," I tell her with a grin.

"Not even," she replies. "I let you."

I move myself on top of her, so she's pinned underneathe me. "Oh is that so?"

"It is indeed, I'm always in control."

I grin and trace my finger lightly across the neckline of her shirt. "We'll see about that."

I press my lips against hers softly at first, testing my boundaries, and when she clings to my back and pulls me closer to her, I have enough encouragement to be less careful.

We twine around each other, limbs against limbs, lips against lips, our bodies a conduit for our passion we have for each other. We break the kiss so she can take my shirt off. With shaking hands she feels the contours of my shoulders, back, chest and finally abs.

"Wow," she breathes.

I smirk down at her. "Always a welcome reaction."

She slaps my abs firmly. "You're very conceited Mr. Potter."

I push a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I prefer the term self aware."

She rolls her eyes and pulls me closer again. "I think I need to teach you a lesson."

I raise an eyebrow and quirk my lips into a half smile. "Is that so?"

"Oh yes," she replies. "Starting with doing as you're told."

"Order away beautiful one,"

"You can start with kissing me,"

I grin and press my lips against hers in reply. I love this, this closeness, the easiness of us being together. How had I survived without her up until now? I can't ever imagine what a life that would be for me.

I bite my lip as she moves her hands down my back, digging her nails in slowly, finally resting her hands on my jean back pockets. My right pocket started to heat up and I'm not sure what she's doing but I'm trying to go with it, when she pull away from me and looks at me in confusion.

"Um…James?" she asks quietly, hands pulled away.

"Mmm?" I ask, lips still at her neck.

"Your jeans are doing something weird."

My pocket is still heating up and now it's starting to vibrate a bit too. I realize what, or rather who it is, and frustration grips me as I roll off Lily and rip the mirror from my pocket. "Oh for fuck's sake! Sirius, do I need to place a tie over the damn mirror too? Come on man!"

Sirius's reply was grave. "The ministry has been attacked, five people are dead, my dad's one of them. I don't know who the other four were, I thought you'd want to know."

"James?" Lily asks in a little voice.

I look over at her, but I see right through her.  
_The ministry, my father works at the ministry..._

"James?" Lily asks again, more urgent this time.

I look at her again, _my dad could be dead._

I drop the mirror.

LILY

James looks lost, broken, shattered. His eyes are defeated and it scares me senseless.

"James? James what's going on?"

The mirror lays by his feet and I can hear Sirius yelling out at him, trying to get James's attention too.

"JAMES!" I shriek and his eyes seem to gain some focus.

"I need to get out of here," he tells me in an empty voice.

"Tell me what's going on first." I reply

He ignores me and starts to get redressed.

I slap his sharply across the face, that works the best, he's giving me all his attention now.

"You are not going _anywhere_, until you tell me what the _hell is going on_!"

"My dad," he tells me simply. "I need to know if my dad was there."

I snap to attention immediately as soon as I understand. "Let's go then, we'll go find out."

"We?" he asks.

"You didn't think I would let you do this, did you? We're in it together."

I hold my hand out to him, a little gesture of trust, of faith and of love.

He looks at my offering for a beat and then slips his hand in mine. "Together?"

"Together," I tell him. "Always.

*

We get to Dumbledore's office and Sirius and Regulus are already waiting, Dumbledore is sitting with his hand pressed against his head and looks like a life like wax figurine. Things aren't looking very positive.

"I'm very sorry for you loss," Dumbledore told them somberly. "Your mother has requested you be absent from school this week to prepare for the funeral."

Sirius looked up in surprise. "Even me?"

Dumbledore looked regretful. "Just Regulus I'm afraid, but perhaps if I spoke to her…"

"It's fine," Sirius told him curtly. "I wouldn't have gone anyway."

Despite his big words, I could see his eyes were plagued with hurt and disappointment.

"I think that will be all then Regulus," Dumbledore told him kindly. "You had better head back to your dormitory and get some rest, it's been a long morning."

Regulus got up and gave Dumbledore a stiff nod, his face tear stained.

He hovered at the door, and stared at Sirius. "Aren't you coming?"

Sirius didn't even spare him a glance. "I'm supporting my brother,"

Regulus looked excited for a moment but then his face darkened when he realized who Sirius had meant. With a glare at James, Regulus practically ran out of the room, his foot steps the only thing breaking the silence in the room.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore began. "James…"

"Was my father there?" James asked bluntly.

Dumbledore didn't even looked surprised. "Yes, please sit and let me…"

"Is he dead?"

Dumbledore sighed. "You should sit down."

"I don't want to sit down, I want to know if my dad is ok and what the hell happened," James snapped.

I stare at him with wide eyes, this isn't like James at all to be so disrespectful, especially to Dumbledore of all people.

"James…" I start but Dumbledore holds his hand up to silence me.

"No it's ok Miss Evans, he has every right to be upset," Dumbledore turns to James and offers a book. "Would you feel better if you threw some things around before we continue?"

James very stiltedly moves towards the chairs and sits down. "No, thank you."

Dumbledore nods. "Very well. Voldermort it appears sent the death eaters to the ministry to propose they allow him to take control and infiltrate the ministry with his own men, when Aurors and Ministry workers alike refused them, they attacked."

"Very interesting," James said in a cold voice. "Can we skip to the part about my dad please?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath before continuing. "Your father was injured fighting, he has been moved to a temporary safe place for treatment."

I expected James to breathe a sigh of relief, instead he looked even more tense. "Why isn't he at St. Mungo's?"

"It has been evacuated, death eaters blew up half a ward before they came to attack the ministry."

"Was my mum there?" James asks in a whisper.

"Yes."

"Is she alive?"

"I am so very sorry James, I didn't want to have to be the one to ever have to tell a student this, your mother gave her life, to save dozens of others."

I started to cry, god this was so stupid. What had we done to deserve this? Was it ever going to get better? The sobs came quicker and harder now. Was there even a chance we could make it? I look over at James and my tears stop. He isn't crying, he doesn't even look close to tears; he just looks blank, emotionless.

"Who's going to organize the funeral?" James asks as Sirius; tears streaking his own face, buries his head in James shoulder.

"I will," Dumbledore tells him, eyes sparkling with his own tears. "Your mother was a dear friend to me, I will make sure she is put to rest in the only way she deserves."

James nods. "Alright then, well if that's all, I'm going to head off."

Now Dumbledore looks surprised. "If you need to talk…"

"I'm done talking," James tells him shortly. "Thanks for your help."

He doesn't wait for a reply, he just slides out of Sirius's grasp and wordlessly walks out of the office. This can't be good.

"When is the funeral?" Sirius croaks.

"Two days should be sufficient amount of time," Dumbledore tells him. "I'm so sorry for your losses from both families Sirius, I know how much the Potter's meant to you."

Sirius hastily wipes away a tear and busies himself with staring at the floor.

"Sir, if you don't mind…" I begin after a couple minutes.

Dumbledore waves us forward. "Oh of course Miss Evans, you're free to go,"

I give him a tight smile and grab Sirius, practically being his eyes for him and leading him down the stairs as he cried silently.

"I don't understand how he could be so calm," Sirius croaks. "His parents were everything to him, I would have thought for sure he would either be out for blood or just completely crumble, it's not like him to just feel nothing."

I freeze and fear shoots down my spine. Oh no.

I let go of Sirius and start to run, with all the energy and speed I have in me, in the direction of the dungeons where I'm positive I'm going to find James.

As I draw closer I hear something that turns my insides cold; screaming.


	27. Chapter 27

Hey everyone :D this chapter is especially fast because it's RavenclawLupin11's birthday so this is a little treat for her. To all my other reviewers; **_Ash, supacrazyhazey, XXJAMESLILYXX, Jenny129, Asidill, mediwitch3, VampyreGirl23, hpdreamer500, BubbleLove1234, Psychokillerhoney, The-Ruby-Butterfly, Opa12, ravenclawLupin11, chloe'sfire, hptwilightlvr, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, M333gan, The DA is dressed to the nines._**

THANKS!  
Love you all!

xxx

* * *

JAMES

I see red in my eyes and I want to know I'm doing harm. I want them to bleed out and beg for their lives. I want them to know an emotion apart from malice and anger, I want them to know fear, pain and desperation.

I don't want to kill anyone like Lily wanted to kill Bellatrix, I'm not mad with grief, I'm thinking clearer than ever before. Voldermort wants to deliver a message to us? Well maybe I'd give him a little message in return.

Slytherine's are flocking out of the dungeons to see what's happening and I wait patiently behind the haze of the smoke bomb I let off. I was waiting for someone I could punish, I may be out for blood but I knew innocent from guilty, well…mostly innocent anyway.

The first to third years are the first to go screaming down the hall with the Prefects, the fourth and fifth years jog after a little confused, my foot starts to tap from impatience.

_Come on, come on, come on!_

Finally the sixth years and most of the seventh years calmly shuffle out, the only people that stay are they wannabe death eaters. My knuckles turn white as I clench my wand tightly. Perfect.

"What's going on here?" Avery asks.

"Probably some idiots idea of a joke," McNair replies. "Let's go see if they have anything put out for breakfast yet, sun's up."

"I _am_ starving," Goyle grunted.

"You're always starving," Mulciber sneers, pushing past him.

Goyle gives him a steely glare but says nothing, Crabbe gives him a thump of encouragement as they lump after Mulicber. I shudder to myself, god I hope they never have kids, not that they could find any woman desperate enough to bare little ogres.

"Snape, you coming?" Dolohov asked.

Snape looked around, his stupid greasy hair hanging over his eyes. "I'll catch up," he murmured.

"I'll wait," Dolohov tells him and I grow impatient.

With a flick of my wand I lift Dolohov up and smash him hard against the wall, blood oozes down his forehead but he's still breathing. Good.

"Best come out then Potter," Snape snarled. "Did you think I wouldn't know your handy work?"

I move out of the shadows and give Snape a grimace. "I'm flattered."

"Are you here to kill me?" he sneered. "Because mummy and daddy weren't smart enough to run and hide? Were they apart of the fun tonight?"

I shoot a curse at him without thinking and his eye goes black.

"This time, I _will_ shut you up, for good," I promise.

He barks out a laugh. "You're going to kill me?"

"No," I tell him gravely. "I'm going to make your face so unrecognizable and then I'm going to leave you in a pool of your own blood to stare at the monster you've become."

"You don't have what it takes for that," he told me and he actually sounded certain. "Isn't that against everything you stand for? What your precious parents taught you?"

"I am here to stamp out evil. _You are evil_!"

He looks like I've slapped him and I'm stunned for a second at his reaction. "I'm not evil," he tells me. "I just have different priorities, better priorities than trying to get my _fat head_ off the ground on a stupid cleaning appliance!"

"Petrificus Totalis!" I yell and he goes stiff as a board and falls flat on his back.

I walk over to him slowly, deliberately, I want him to remember this moment, I want his precious dark lord to know that a blood traitor like myself damaged his little recruit, that I had it in me to fight back.

"Ah this is better don't you think? Now we can have a little chat first. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you, I just want you to deliver a little message for me."

Snape's eye grow wider as I pull up his tattered pajama sleeve, I drop his arm in disgust. There is a faint outline there, a faint outline of the dark mark. He'd done it, he'd finally crossed over. A twinge of sadness hits me; this is going to kill Lily, whatever she may say I know she has always believed that Snape would 'out grow' the death eater phase, that his heart was full of hidden kindness. I push Lily out of my thoughts; I have to, there's no room for softness, not now.

Drawing more strength I grab his other arm and push the sleeve up, relieved when his forearm is bare.

"This may tickle," I tell him coldly before pointing my wand.

I whisper to my wand and start to draw, as I do the words cut themselves into Snape's skin. I'm very precise, and it's probably the neatest my writing has ever been. I stand back, still holding his arm firmly, admiring my work as silent tears fall down Snape's face.

_From our hands; you will fall. We fear not death._

My conscience hits me hard when I notice how much he's bleeding and I hate myself for it, but I conjure bandages to wrap around his arm.

"It won't scar," I tell him quietly. "I don't want to kill you Severus, maybe your mighty lord will do us both a favour and kill the messenger?"

I see he's trying to say something, so I wearily stand back, wand raised and then whisper the counter curse.

"Out with it then,"

He starts laughing, hysterically. "This is why you're going to die, you cannot even bear to cause harm, no war was ever won with love and kindness."

I grit my teeth in anger. "Would you prefer I kill you then?"

He laughs at me again. "I would invite you to try."

What the hell was wrong with this guy? With all of them? Did they all have death wishes? Is that why they called themselves death eaters? Sick bastards.

"No," I tell him firmly. "I'm better than that. I won't let you be the reason blood is on my hands, you're beneath me."

Quick as lightening he curses me and I lose the tops of my knuckles. The pain is more annoying than unbearable and I'm starting to reach breaking point. I raise my wand and send the body binding curse his way again, causing him to fall back once more.

"Do you still invite death Snivellous?" I taunt. "Would you like to beg for it?"

"NO!"

I look up in alarm and Regulus is there, right in front of me trying to shield Snape's body from me. God, was it a trait to be so fucking irritating in this house?

"Regulus, move," I tell him calmly.

"No! Y-you're a coward! He can't even fight back!"

"Coward?" I spit. "_I'm_ a coward? Let me tell you something about _cowards_ Black, you're best buddy here, all your little heroes, they wouldn't have even given me a chance to talk, they would have taken my wand, made me watch them kill everyone I love and then they would have killed me. You disgust me, allying yourself with thugs and murderers, your mother wishes Sirius was more like you. You? Ha! You will not ever be _half_ the man your brother is, get out while you still can, or mark my words, one day you will live to regret picking the wrong side and you will die at the hands of Voldermort and his sick games."

Regulus stares at me defiantly.

"That's sweet of you Prongs, but I'm going to have to ask you to not point your wand at my brother,"

I flick my eyes behind me and Lily and Sirius are standing there.

"Sirius," I warn. "This has nothing to do with you."

"You're right. This is has everything to do with your mum," Lily cuts in.

"IT'S ABOUT THEM NEVER HAVING ANY CONSEQUENCES, IT'S ABOUT THE LOSS ON OUR SIDE AND NEVER THEIRS!" I shout. "I'm going to even it up."

I blink back the tears, I will _not_ cry. My father wouldn't cry, Moody wouldn't cry, and _I_ will not cry.

Gentle and deliberate footsteps head my way and I know it's Lily.

Her soft hand is on my shoulder and it's not until I feel it bumping against me that I realize I'm trembling.

"James," she tells me in a very adult voice. "This isn't you ok? I know how you feel, didn't we just do this? But in reverse? You were right, this doesn't help."

"I don't want to kill him," I tell her callously. "I want them to be punished!"

"That's not for you to decide," she tells me softly.

"Yes, it is," I reply evenly.

"Why?"

"_They killed my mum!_"

Lily steps around and now she's in front of me, pressing herself right up against my wand. "This is war remember? People we love are going to die, all we can do is honour them, and you're shaming your mum."

My wand lowers slightly. I'm a hypocrite, I scold her for going for revenge and here I am, ready to throw away my whole life at Hogwarts and for what?

"They killed her," I whispered softly, and finally a single tear falls down my cheek.

Lily wraps me in her arms and I let my wand drop to the floor.

"Sirius-"

"Shut up," Sirius snarls at Regulus. "Everything James said was true. You and that fucking _bitch_ are as dead to me as dad is to this world. Don't expect me to help you again."

I see Regulus shrink back as slowly Snape starts to regain movement in his limbs and behind us Dolohov start to stir.

Oh god, my mum was dead, she was dead and my dad was surely going to have a heart attack when he found out I was expelled…if he ever woke up.

Lily let go of me and headed towards Snape, standing over him, arms crossed.

"Lily, he -"

"I don't want excuses Severus, I want a promise."

"A p-promise?"

"Yes," she told him in a hard voice. "That you will keep your mouth shut. Someone let off a smoke bomb, you waited to see who and in the confusion knocked Dolohov out, and yourself. You don't remember anything else but that, got it?"

"But…"

"_Got it?"_

My mouth drops open as he nods.

"Thank you," she tells him in a very professional voice offering her hand to him.

He takes it and she sees the mark and gasps, letting go of his hand like it was a hot coal.

"Oh Lily…"

"_DO NOT_!" She hissed at him. "I have no idea who you are anymore, as of now, we don't talk, we don't acknowledge each other and we do not pretend that we are anything other than what we are right now."

"W-which is?" he stuttered, looking ready for a blow.

"Enemies," she replied and turned her back on him. "Goodbye Severus. Come on James,"

She gently takes my hand and I stumble behind her blindly, every part of me breaking ever so slowly, every so painfully.

When she tucks me into bed later and rocks me, I'm reminded of my mum. I close my eyes and I can almost pretend its her. Tears start to stream down my face without pause.

Almost.

LILY

Fifty hours. It had been fifty hours since everything had changed. Since I had watched the most important person in my life break. Fifty hours since James had smiled last, shit, it had fifty hours since he had even spoken more than one syllable.

I stood, shoulder to shoulder with him now as we listened to speaker after speaker talk about Claire's life and amazing traits.

I gripped James hand tight; his hand remained slack in mine. Was he even awake? I looked at him with his dark sunglasses, head staring straight ahead, mouth tight. There was no emotion, no tears, just tension.

I ripped my hand away and work hard to press the irritation down. I know this is hard for him, but this is horrible for me too, I lost my dad and the wounds that were on the way to healing were now ripped raw. I was trying so hard to be strong but I couldn't do it alone. I couldn't do this by myself and we were meant to be in this together. Together always. I just wanted him to let me in, to just let me be there for him, because this feeling of helplessness was eating away at me, was giving me a failure complex.

"Are you doing ok?" I whispered, knowing full well the answer but needing to try and breach this vast space between us.

"Yep," he replies in a clipped voice.

I sigh deeply and as I turn away I catch Sirius's eye. He shoots me a sympathetic glance and I try and fail to smile in return.

"And now, we would like to ask Claire's only and treasured son, James Potter, to say a few words."

I froze, this was not supposed to be on the program, I thought Dumbledore had agreed with me that James wasn't in any state to be talking? It's alright, I'll fix it.

I go to stand up but then I notice James is already on his way to the podium. My mouth drops and I look to Sirius for guidance, but he's looking equally as lost as is Remus who is beside him.

Now I'm full of tension as I wait, to see how this is going to ride out.

"Hello," James begins, and it's still not his voice that I love, it's dead. "I don't have anything prepared and I don't want to make this a huge speech or anything. Um…my mum drove me crazy,"

Gasps go all around the room, this was clearly not how anyone pictured this to go.

"She was the type of woman that would throw her shoe at you if you weren't listening or if you were misbehaving, she woke me up when she knew I was hung over and had just gotten to bed to watch the sunset with her so I had proof that through the pain there is still beauty, and she insisted that every problem could be solved with a hug and an apology. She drove me freaking insane…but she was the most amazing woman and I would never ever have traded her. Ever since I can remember she would tuck me in every night and tell me that she loved me, no matter how naughty I had been that day, no matter how tired she was, no matter what she would make sure to tuck me in and tell me she loved me every night and I would reply 'I love you better' because I didn't know how to express that I would always love her more than she loved me."

My heart breaks even more if that's even possible, as he turns around and places his hand and head on the top of the coffin. "There will never be a goodbye for us," he murmurs, but we can all hear him. "I love you better."

We all watch in silence as he remains there for a few more seconds before setting himself straight again and then walking back to his spot in silence.

*

I lay by myself later, on the ground of my dads grave crying, holding my arms around myself so tight, trying to keep the breaking fragments of my heart, my soul and my sanity together. How was it possible with the whole magical world filled with wonder and seemingly impossible things they could still be as destructive as muggles. How could Voldermort justify pure blood wizards being _superior_ to muggles, or half bloods when he was demonstrating the very worst there is in wizards, this was genocide.

My shaking hand comes up and traces the words on my dad's tomb stone;

_Robert Evans  
In our hearts you live._

"I miss you daddy, you always knew the right thing to say,"

I slowly withdrew my hand and pressed it against my chest again, trying to feel for my dad in the depths of despair and overwhelming feeling of loss.

"I thought I would find you here," I look up and there is James staring down at me.

I try to wipe away the tears but ten more just replace the ones I push away. Great, his mum's just died and I'm the one sobbing my heart away, great job at supporting him Lily.

"How?" I ask.

"Did I know you were here? We all go back to where it starts when we've lost our way, guess it gives us a bit of an idea about where we got lost."

"This is where it started?" I ask. "At my dad's grave?"

"Nope, with your dad's death, that's when you got lost."

"Are you lost?" I ask.

He sits down next to me. "I have a map," he replies, and I know that he's avoiding the question.

"Right, well I better get back then," I tell him stiffly.

"My dad's going to die," he tells me abruptly and I stop and stare at him.

"What? No he isn't, the doctors said that he would be fine," I reply.

James stares deep into my eyes with an intensity that scares me. "No, he's going to die,"

"Why?" I whisper.

He sighs and I start to see the cracks showing in his big façade. "Because he and mum, they are…_were_ two halves of one whole, they needed each other to exist. When I got scared and crawled into their bed at night when I was young I'd put a hand on each of their chest and they'd be breathing at the same time."

I stare at James flabbergasted.

"My dad's going to die," he whispered. "And then I've lost everything."

I look at James Potter and I mean _really_ look at him and for some sick reason, he has never looked more beautiful, standing here vulnerable, trying to find a way to reach out to me, perfect in all his imperfections.

"Not everything," I tell him firmly, and put my hand in his.

James looks down at my hand like it's a foreign object and I'm scared he's going to let go, that I'm losing him but then every so gently I feel a pressure that gets stronger until he squeezes my hand tightly.

*

"If you don't want to go, we don't have to," I told James quietly.

"I have to go," he tells me firmly.

I nodded, I would do the same too.

Slowly we walked through the door to where the rest of the members of the order in our year were waiting.

The room fell into silence as soon as we walked into the room and I could feel the tension, uncertainty and sadness sweeping around us, closing in and trying to push out any other emotion.

"My mum died," James announced. "My dad is in a coma and I don't feel anything except determined. I will not bury anyone else, I refuse to, so starting tonight we are going to work together and we are going to be strong, we are going to learn to be ruthless and we are going to win, because I will not accept any more loss."

"Where do we start?" Remus asked.

"Patronus," James replied clearly. "I think we all need to be reminded that happiness and love is still a weapon, pair off."

Naturally I stay with James and for an hour I watch him struggle, not even being able to emit a small silvery glow.

"Alright, we're done," James calls out to everyone, still seething at his own set backs.

Everyone shuffles out, even the marauders, until it's just me and James standing in the empty room, sharing our first real awkward silence.

"What if we're not ok?" he asks in a barely more than a whisper. "What if we don't get the fairy tale ending?"

I stare at him in surprise, this was so unlike him, this was usually the sort of question I would ask.

"No one gets the fairy tale ending," I reply. "But we'll get a happy one."

"How do you know?" he asks in a child like voice.

I think hard best to answer and no words come. God, couldn't they write a book on how to prepare best for war or something? I take a deep breath and decide maybe the best thing to do is to just say nothing.

"Expectro Patronum!" I call and a pretty little doe bursts out and canters around James before disappearing in a pretty brilliant puff.

"Because, every happy moment I conjure up when I make that spell; involves you. It could end tomorrow and it would still be a happy one."

He just stares at me and I want to melt into the wall. Could I be any lamer?

I look up again and he's still watching me, an odd look on his face until slowly, so very slowly his lips start to move and then for the first time in almost four days he smiles at me and it's like a sunrise; a spot of light illuminating the darkness everywhere else.

"Expectro Patronum," he whispers and silvery light shoots out but dims after a few seconds.

"It's a start," he murmurs and holds his hand out.

Yes, it definitely was.

With a big smile, I take his hand.


	28. Chapter 28

Hey again :D starting to perk up a bit now, but this is only a really short one, so let me know what you think :D

Again, my biiig thanks go to those that read my story and my wonderful reviewers;** Lizzi1990, Jenny129, hello-goodbye146, chloe'sfire, DelightfulSmiles, Adorkably Adorkable, supacrazyhazey, XXJAMESLILYXX, hushpuppy22, shroomy-eyes, Psychokillerhoney, Mistress Trinity, Opa12, The-Ruby-Butterfly, BubbleLove1234, mediwitch3, hptwilightlvr, hpdreamer500, M333gan, Cjas, JacobsImprintGirl, The DA is dressed to the nines, Chlowie14.**

* * *

JAMES

Time passed, seasons changed, life continued on in it's rapid ever moving, every changing pace and I felt like I stood still while the world blurred on around me. I was going through the motions to keep everyone happy; Quidditch for my team mates, full moon adventures and pranks for my friends, studying for my teachers, everyone bought it, everyone left me alone. Except one. She lay next to me now, pressing our palms to measure the difference. We spent hours like this sometimes, just sitting or lying with each other in silence. They were the high light of my life, these moments of intimacy without sex, without words. It was her silence that wrapped me in a safe cocoon, her unspoken vow of support whenever I was in need of it.

I don't think I've ever loved anyone so much in my life.

"Christmas is soon," she said, breaking the silence for the first time in an hour.

Huh, was it that time already?

"Alice and Frank's wedding is going to be a week after Christmas, so it's going to be hectic, especially since we're still not able to go to Hogsmeade to buy presents. I'll have to order them something, and my Christmas presents, speaking of which, what do you want?"

"I don't need anything," I replied.

"That's not what I asked," she retorted.

I sighed. What did I want? To feel whole again? To see my mum? To have my dad wake up? I looked over at Lily and felt a frown crease my forehead. She was still as beautiful as ever, she was still mine, but was she _happy_? There was a gleam in her eyes now, of unshed tears that refused to go away. I wracked my brain, when was the last time I had heard her laugh? Seen her smile brightly?

The answer ate away at me; I knew she had been this way because of me, that I had unintentionally caused her this sadness and unease. What kind of a boyfriend was I? Dragging her to my mum's grave on weekends. _Grave yards are for the living_. I remember my mum telling me that once, I hadn't realised until now how true it was.

I couldn't stay like this forever, I had to pick myself up again, if not for me, then for Lily.

She deserved better than this.

"Let's go," I tell her, pulling her up with me.

"Do you wanna go visit your dad again?" she asks and I flinch.

"Just follow me ok?" I ask and I hold my hand out to her, a small peace offering.

She takes my hand without any hesitation. "Alright."

Before we head out, I go upstairs to get the invisibility cloak; it was probably about time I shared that secret with her.

"Are we planning on pretending to be super heroes?" she asks as I pull the cloak out.

I actually find myself smiling at her. Super heroes?

"Who would I be if I was a super hero Evans?"

Lily pondered this for a second. "Batman, and Sirius would be Robin,"

I wasn't exactly familiar with the muggle super hero thing but I was pretty sure I had heard these two being mocked.

"Why them?" I ask suspiciously, as we head down the stairs.

Lily quirks her lips up. "They were kinda gay, and you and Sirius have been a couple I've admired for years."

She starts to jog off and I stand there with my mouth open. "We're not gay!"

Her only reply is to giggle and with a grin I start to run after her, I catch her within seconds and she's actually laughing into my shoulder as I have her pinned against the wall.

"Gay super hero, that's the impression I've made this entire time? All these years?"

She smiles at me coyly. "You even have the outfit,"

I smirk. "It's not a cape, it's a _cloak_, like a magician."

She raises her eyebrows in interest. "Magician huh? You _do_ know that using your Wizard tricks doesn't make you a Magician right?"

I smile broadly and move the cape from out of my pocket. "Now you see me," I tell her before wrapping the cloak around myself. "Now you don't."

"Oh wow," she breathed. "You really did just disappear!"

I smile to myself and move around her to pinch her butt then move out of her reach. "Nifty trick , surprised this is the first time you tried it, haven't you been harassing me for years?"

I move swiftly forward so we're both pressed tightly against the wall. "I may be a lot of things Evans, but I would _never_ take advantage of you like that."

Lily pulled me closer. "You're such a softy."

I pulled the cloak off me and started to kiss up her neck. "Really?"

"James..." she murmured, "We're already breaking curfew and we're in the middle of the corridor, someone could see us."

I threw the cloak around us both. "Now they can't, told you I was magic."

She smiles at pecks me on the lips. "Weren't you planning on showing me something?"

"I'm trying to seduce you first, is it working?"

Lily grinned. "Yeah, but it's making me nervous..."

Uh oh, this can't be good. "Nervous?"

"Yes," she tells me somberly. "Sirius might try to fight me for you."

I roll my eyes but I'm smiling and my face feels strained from using muscles I haven't used in weeks. "Very funny, come on then, I didn't risk getting caught just so you could insult me."

Lily smiles and puts her hand in mine. "It would be worth it for me."

I squeezed her hand. I'm sure it would be.

*

"Wow," Lily gasped.

I smiled at her softly. "I know, welcome to the bad arse club."

"We actually just snuck into the kitchens, _after curfew_!"

I squeezed her shoulders. "I know, you're not going to pass out on me right? Or dob us in?"

Lily shook her head as a house elf approached us. "Hello sir, miss, would you like something to eat?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I was thinking of a date tonight, do you think you could set that up for us?"

Nodding vigorously, the little elf practically skipped away to the rest of the house elves who were now quickly rushing around making food with big smiles across their faces.

"Don't you ever feel bad about making them cook for you?" Lily asked as a particularly tall house elf came over with two chairs for us, while three of his friends brought a table.

I gestured to the elves around us. "Do they look like they're miserable?"

Lily watched as they hummed and smiled their way through making us a snack. They honestly looked like they couldn't be any happier.

"I guess not. Do you do this a lot?"

"Yeah me and Sirius sometimes..." I broke off with one look at Lily's face. "What?"

"You're taking me to the place you and Sirius have your dates?"

I sighed deeply. "You're being immature Miss Evans,"

She takes my hand and smiles. "I'm making you smile though right?"

She really was. The only person to do so in weeks. My Lily.

"I missed you," she told me quietly.

We had spent every day together since the funeral, but I knew what she meant. I had missed me too. I had missed her but most of all I had missed _us._

"I know, I'm really sorry. I guess we learned that I don't deal with loss very well."

Soft, warm lips are pressed against my hand. "Who does? You don't need to apologise, really. You lost your mum and you didn't know what to do, at least you didn't nearly get yourself killed in a massive bitch fight."

I smile a little. "You were pretty bad arse that night."

Lily scoffed. "Just that night? Potter, I'm _completely _bad arse, even more than you, the only difference is I never get caught."

"Oh burn, is that right?"

"You know it," she grins as a house elf comes over with a plate of chocolate cake and mini pasties._ "_Oh thank you!"

"Your welcome miss, if miss or sir would like anything else, just ask!"

I gave the house elf my warmest smile and then cut Lily and myself a piece of cake.

"You're really great, you know that?"

She flicks her hair over her shoulder. "Well, when you look like this..."

She starts giggling and I smile at her.

"Did you want to visit your dad for Christmas?" she asks me softly.

I sigh deeply. My dad had still not woken up and was still in the same state without a chance of it changing anytime soon. Did I really want to spend my Christmas with a huge reminder of how alone I was, of how much had changed?

"I think I would rather just spend it with you," I reply. "My house is going to be empty so I'm going to spend Christmas here, the boys minus Pete and Remus are staying too so we can have our own Christmas, drama free. Only if you wanted to stay here though."

"I don't really have any other options and even if I did, I'd still be here. Oh and I was serious about presents before though, what do you want?" Lily answered, mouth half full.

I looked at Lily, my _girlfriend _and felt bit by bit the pain start to lessen. It was going to take ages to feel better again, but her being there, understanding really was the best present ever.

"Surprise me," I told her with a smile.

LILY

James lips were feverish on my own, passion and love pushing through. His hands ripped at my clothes roughly, pulling me close to him, our bodies needs driving us, it was need, acute to the point of pain. My hands unbuckled his jeans and for once they weren't shaking, I was confident, this was right and this was what we both wanted, both needed.

"I love you," I whispered into his chest.  
"I love you too,"  
I let him pull my shirt up over my head and I bit down hard on my lips as we slowly worked my bra off.  
"Mmm....James..."

"Lily, come on, you're missing it,"

Wait, what?

I felt myself being nudged, poked, shaken and part of me knew it was just a dream; but I really didn't want to wake up.

"Lily! Get up!"

My stupid eye cocked open and I saw Carla poking me.

I shut my eye tightly and tried to ignore her. _No, I'm not awake, I'm with James, I'm with James, come on, come on, come on...DAMNIT CARLA!_

I threw the covers off and fixed Carla with a dark glare.

"Chill out Miss Grinch, it's Christmas, I couldn't let you sleep the whole day through,"

I pouted, but made a move to get out of my old dorm bed which I had slept in the night before so Carla, Alice and I could have some girl talk and pretty much everyone had gone home.

"I was having a good dream," I grumbled.

Carla grinned wickedly. "I know, that's why I had to wake you, you were grinding your hips and it was getting weird."

I blushed and stuck my tongue out at her as I tossed her, her present and Alice hers. I moved to my own pile; Carla had given me some emerald ear rings, Alice had gotten me a cute new dress and signed it from Frank too, clearly preparing for marriage. There was a big package of chocolates and other delicious sweets from Remus, a new book from Peter, a dating book from Violet and a pretty jewellery box filled to the brim with condoms from Sirius. I picked a handful of condoms up and tossed them at Carla and Alice.

"Here, you guys may need this,"

Alice smirked at me. "From the looks of your dream you were given them for a reason and wouldn't you rather have them and not need them, or need them and not have them?"

I grunted in frustration, it was impossible to argue with logic like that. "Thanks heaps for the presents guys,"

I said instead, pulling them both in for a big group hug, holding them tight and close. It was so sweet of everyone, to stay back this Christmas for me and James who had, had our families torn away from us. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to push back the nagging feeling of something missing. I was not going to let my stupid emotions ruin this beautiful day.

"What did James get you?" Alice asked as she showed off her new kitten Frank had gotten her that she'd been been begging anyone who would listen to get her one this year.

"We're exchanging presents tonight," I replied as I stroked the beautiful white kitten. "James is organising some sort of dinner in our common room for us and then we're exchanging gifts. What did Sirius get you Carla, condoms?"

Carla pulled a face at me. "No, not everyone is all about the sex like you Miss Evans."

I grinned at her. "Then what did he get you?"

Carla blushes and pulls out the most beautiful and extravagant rose I have ever seen. "He magicked it so that it will never die and if I pull a petal off it gives me a reason why he cares so deeply about me, whilst replacing the petal I picked off."

Alice and I stare at Carla dumb founded. God, Sirius must actually love her, I didn't even think it was possible for any guy outside of books and movies to be so considerate...well except maybe for James.

"Whoa, you managed to tame the wild Sirius," Alice says in a voice of awe.

Carla waves the statement away whilst blushing. "Don't be silly."

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

All three of us jump at the sudden noise and then look up to find Sirius in a Santa suit grinning at us, with James and Frank grinning behind him.

"Sirius, honestly!" Carla snapped.

Sirius strode through the room and pecked Carla on the lips. "Call me an idiot babe, I love it when you're annoyed."

It had the intended effect, Carla burst out laughing and hit him gently.

James moved across the room and sat behind me so I was sitting between his legs with his arms around my waist.

"Get a good load?" he asked.

I smiled up at him. "I was very spoilt, although Sirus's present didn't leave much to the imagination."

I nodded at the condom filled jewellery box.

James' mouth dropped. "I can't believe it!"

"I know!" I agreed.

"He actually gave you a jewellery box as well?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

James sighed. "Sirius gave me a pair of socks filled with condoms, at least you got something useful out if it too. He must like you better."

I pecked James on the lips, relishing in his nature returning to his normal self. "Lovers quarrel?"

He grins, playing along. "Oh right, I told him I was dedicating myself to only you now, maybe he's mad at that."

I nod, in mock seriousness. "Probably broke the poor guys heart."

"The things I do for you Evans, the things I do for you."

I smiled and settled myself deeper in his arms. "I better make sure I never let you go so it's worth it huh?"

James chuckled. "Evans, whether you want it or not, I'm yours for life now."

I grinned to myself feeling quite content. What a beautiful thought that was.

*

If anyone needed proof of perfection, it really was this day. We had had the most delicious breakfast with pancakes, waffles, toast, tarts, sausages and all the best break fast food you could imagine. Then we'd all gone outside and had some snow ball fights with the girls totally kicking the guys butts, proving that we are not to be under estimated.. Sirius had complained that we'd cheated because Carla may have been calling out suggestive things and I may have unzipped my jacket a bit but really, it was their fault for getting distracted, a win is still a win.

As a treat, Dumbledore had even allowed us to go to Hogsmeade with supervision of Professor McGonagall, so we'd had lunch there, browsed through the shops and then spent most of the afternoon laughing in the Three Broomsticks and watching James and Sirius score us free rounds by amusing Rosmerta.

It had actually been exactly what I needed to yank me out of my slump and I think the same went for James, all day we had both had huge grins across our faces, we may still have been broken, but we weren't ruined; broken you could at least fix.

"Well, best let you two love birds enjoy your night," Sirius grinned. "Remember safety first!"

Carla screamed in delight as he threw her over his shoulder and ran her away from us before we could retort. I sighed and looked at James.

"He means well right?"

James nodded with a small smile. "He does and believe it or not he's been pretty mild with us, thank god for Carla."

"Mild?" I asked incredulously as he headed down the stairs to the common room.

James laughed at my expression. "Just be thankful he isn't as bad as he could be."

I nod. Could I even imagine that?

My mouth drops as I walk into our common room, he's set up a beautiful, intimate dinner right by the fire with a little table and cushions. My favourite muggle foods and drinks are sitting on the table, looking mouth watering good.

"Oh wow James, how did you manage all this?"

"I'm a magician remember?" he replies as he helps me get comfortable, before sitting down himself.

I feel emotions overwhelm me and I figure I better get the presents out of the way now before I can't form any proper sentences from being too touched by the kindness he's put in.

"Do you mind if I give you my gift now?" I manage to ask.

James shrugs. "Go for it, you're not gonna punch me right since I asked you to surprise me?"

I giggle a bit. "Of course not idiot! Although I'm tempted to now."

James pretends to zip his lips and gestures for me to continue.

I pull a small gift bag out of my hand bag and pass it to him. "It's nothing too expensive or anything," I mutter. "And it's nothing big either...I didn't know what to get you..."

James silences me with a wave and pulls out what I got him. His face goes blank and I find myself, not for the first time either, feeling like a complete idiot.

"Lily..."

"I know, it's stupid.."

"No," he tells me firmly. "It's perfect."

He holds up the delicate silver chain I've bought him with a pretty silver key for the pendant, I pull out my own necklace that has a heart on it.

"Now you're the only one with the key to my heart," I tell him, blushing slightly.

"I love you," he replies and leans forward for a kiss.

Yes! I did good.

"Ok, now it's your turn, here," He digs around in his pocket and finally hands me a small, square box.

My heart starts to pound fast and hard, oh god, he isn't going to propose right? I'm not even seventeen yet!

"It doesn't bite," he says with a grin.

I force a smile and open the box, definitely not what I expected.

Inside is a beautiful silver heart shaped key ring, with three keys already attached to it. I look over at him for answers.

"Keys to my house," he replies simply. "I want you to come live with me, you're all I have left and all I need to keep going. You can have your own room if you wanted and I'd cook for you and you don't need to worry about paying rent or anything..."

Warmth slams into my body and tears try to force themselves out of my eyes.

"You're not going to cry right? Shit! Well, you don't have to move in, I just thought..."

I get up and move around the table to wrap my arms around his neck and plant a big kiss on his lips. "I love you," I tell him fiercely. "Of course I want to move in with you, you're my family now."

James' whole face lights up and he sits me on his lap, snuggling close to me. "Merry Christmas beautiful,"

I rest my head against his and for the first time in ages I feel a glimmer of something beautiful, of something that seems fleeting these days; I feel hope.


	29. Chapter 29

Hey everyone, I hardly have time to write anymore so you'll have to put up with some pretty short ones for awhile, I'm really sorry! Hopefully you enjoy this break from the morbid :D thanks to all that read and to my wonderful reviewers i love you guys, you're my little rays of sunshine! Huge thanks to;

_**Cjas, AuntLynnie, The-Ruby-Butterfly, shroomy-eyes, M333gan, DelightfulSmiles, supacrazyhazey, Ash, XXJAMESLILYXX, mediwitch3, Psychokillerhoney, Adorkably Adorkable, Lizzi1990, Jenny129, merann, VampyreGirl23, hello-goodbye146, Opa12, The DA is dressed to the nines, hptwilightlvr, hpdreamer500, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, ravenclawLupin11.  
**_  
xxxx

* * *

JAMES  
"James, I need you! Help!"  
I ran towards the yell of distress to find Sirius with his hair fluffy and unkempt, mouth pulled up into a pout.  
"My hair won't sit right!"  
I sighed and exited the room to go and find the muggle hair gel I'd been using to attempt to tame my own unruly locks. Sirius was my best friend in the whole world, but sometimes I swore he was like my little brother, actually make that sister.  
I was chuckling to myself as I walked back in, hands slick with gel.  
"What is that stuff?" Sirius asked suspiciously.  
"Dude, shut up and come here," I replied, roughly running my hands through his hair so he still had his favourite messy look, just minus the fluff.  
"Alright princess, you're done," I tell him.  
He immediately turns to the mirror and whoops in delight. "Yes! You rock man, Carla is _totally_ going to jump me looking like this!"  
I shake my head. "It's always about sex with you,"  
Sirius puts his hand to his chest in mock outrage. "I resent that! I am actually a very big fan of cuddling!"  
I grin. "I know, isn't that why I refuse to sleep in the same room as you?"  
Sirius blows me a raspberry and then turns back to the mirror. I leave just as he starts to try out different poses. Definitely more like a little sister.  
I walk into the living area to find Frank pacing relentlessly up and down.  
"Trying to lose some last minute pounds before the ceremony?" I asked.  
Frank looked up at me and shook his head, trying to rid himself of the daze he was in.  
"You're getting married mate, this isn't a funeral, trust me, I've been to enough to know the difference,"  
Frank nods slowly. "I'm getting married..."  
Then a big grin starts to spread across his face. "I'm getting married! High five!"  
I laugh and clap my hand against his. "How does it feel man?"  
He exhales a big breath. "How about I get back to you on that?"  
"Sounds good to me."  
"You guys ready? If you're not careful you're going to be late and that's the bride's job, don't _ever_ take on a bride's job, that's a hell of a way to start a marriage," Remus tells us as he pokes his head in the room.  
I clasp Franks shoulder. "You ready? Soon you get to officially be a 'we' and you share your name."  
Frank beams broadly, standing up straight. "Yeah, let's go!"  
He practically bounds out of the room, following Remus and it's up to me as usual to get Sirius in order.  
"Oi Princess, we're leaving now with or without you, if you want there to be any chance of being jumped you gotta leave now!"  
Sirius came running out of the room at full pelt.  
"Told you it was about sex!" I called as I jogged after him.  
"I just want the cuddles!" he yelled back and I had to try and force myself not to laugh so I could still run after him.

*

Whoa everything looked so beautiful. They had really gone all out but in the simplest of ways. I stood behind Frank's brother, with Remus and Sirius behind me, waiting for Alice's big entrance. The decorations were silver and gold lights, sculptures that moved and smiled at the guests. There were rich golden roses draped over chairs and hanging from gold posts. The sun was beginning to set and I truly felt like I was in a dream.  
The traditional wedding march woke me from my thoughts and I looked up to see a pretty flower girl with hair that seemed to keep changing skip down the isle sprinkling silver dust that transformed into beautiful stars that flew above us and twinkled brightly, the little girl walked past us, staring at Remus before giggling and taking her place. By the time I had finished staring at the flower girl and the weird look that had crossed Remus's face the little boy carrying the rings had already taken his place and Alice's cousin was walking down the isle slowly, looking like she was concentrating very hard on not falling over. Violet came next and Remus stood taller, never taking his eyes off her as she made her way down, giving him a wide grin before stopping finally. Next was Carla, I could feel Sirius stiffen and I was almost tempted to hand him a bible or something to help cover himself up and remind him where his priorities were, although I had to admit she did look beautiful with her hair in soft waves around her face and wearing the silver, flowing dress all the brides maids wore that hugged their curves in all the right places. I gave Sirius a nudge as he'd taken a step towards her to keep him in place, Carla having noticed this winked at Sirius, sending a silent promise for later. I looked up again and there was Lily, my girl, looking like she belonged in a fairy tale or in a temple where millions of mortals could worship her. Her red hair was in curls around her face like Carla's and the dress looked so phenomenal on her, it was created to fit her perfectly and the silver brought out the green in her eyes until they looked like they were artificial they were that beautiful. I silently sent Alice a thank you for not putting her bride's maids in ugly dresses. Lily caught me staring at her and she smiled at me broadly.  
_Wow_ she mouthed to me with a subtle nod in my direction. I grinned back. _wow yourself.  
_With a final smile she took her place behind Carla and tuned to see Alice.  
Alice appeared with her dad on her arm actually looking like some kind of angel. Her dress was white and seemed to shimmer as she moved so she gave the appearance of glowing, through the light veil I could see that her hair had been pinned up with silver and diamond clips holding it in place and a few curls being let out. I turned to Frank and he had tears in his eyes. I could relate, if I ever got to marry Lily I would be crying freely, some things are just too beautiful a dream for you to ever really hope for.  
Alice finally made her way to Frank, her smile could have been seen from miles away. In the old tradition Alice's dad took her hand and placed it in Frank's before embracing them both.  
Together they turned to the front where Dumbledore was minister.  
The whole ceremony was kind of a blur for me because all I could do was stare at Lily Evans and imagine what it would be like to be the ones standing at the front with all of our loved ones around watching us take the last step in giving ourselves whole to each other. What I wouldn't give to have that dream become reality. I already knew that this was the girl I would spend the rest of my life with, I just needed to wait until she realised she felt the same.  
I looked into her sparkling green eyes again and grinned. I could be patient.  
As far as vows went, they had decided to keep to the universal ones except instead of 'until death do us part' they had requested it be changed to 'as long as we both shall live' which was the only dark reminder on this beautiful day that the world was anything less than perfect for this beautiful union before us.  
I tore my eyes away from Lily to focus on Alice and Frank again.  
"If anyone should have any reason why these two should not be joined forever as one for the rest of their remaining lives , please speak now, or forever hold your peace,"  
When silence was his only answer Dumbledore grinned brightly. "Wonderful! Then it is with pleasure that I pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride!"  
"Thank god!" Frank sighed and practically ripped Alice's veil off to press his lips firmly against hers with such enthusiasm Alice was lifted off her feet.  
Everyone burst out laughing, Sirius thumped my back with a big grin on his face. "That's my boy!"  
I looked around at all the guests, their faces alight with joy, celebration and hope. What a perfect day, in such an imperfect world.  
I looked back to Alice and Frank who were still lip locked, I smiled and stepped forward to tap Frank on the shoulder.  
"As charming as this is mate, we didn't come here for the preview of the honeymoon,"  
Frank pulls away and gives me an embarrassed grin. "Sorry mate, got lost in the moment."  
I put an arm around each of their shoulders. "No worries, Mrs Longbottom does look particularly beautiful this evening."  
Frank's face was filled with pride. "Mrs Longbottom...man that sounds good doesn't it?"  
Alice pecked him on the cheek. "It really does."  
"Ready to party?" Sirius asked as he bounded over.  
Lily and Carla made their way over and I pulled Lily into my arms. "Hell yes!"  
Lily grinned at each of us in turn. "You guys, we _are _the party!"

LILY

Wow, I had always thought that I would never get married, but the wedding certainly was tempting me towards the whole 'we' 'us' 'sharing a last name' thing. I can't believe how emotional I'm getting but after everything bad that's occurred lately, having something so purely sweet and beautiful has just really, really hit a nerve. This was going to be a rare delight, not a common occurance.  
I looked around at my friends; Sirius was feeding Carla, Frank was trying to make a champagne fountain for Alice, Remus and Violet were whispering with their heads together and James was smiling broadly at me, rubbing my back in slow comforting circles. How many of us were going to survive this? How many of us would make it to the next wedding? God, what I wouldn't give to just live in this moment forever.  
"What's the matter bright eyes?" James asked in a teasing voice. "Something has got your attention and I'm willing to fight to the death so I keep you to myself."  
I smiled at him warmly . "I'm just wondering when you and Sirius are going to make it official."  
James barked out a laugh and squeaked my nose. "Never going to let that down are you?"  
"Let what down?" Sirius asked.  
"Lily thinks we're in love," James explained.  
Sirius's jaw dropped. "_Thinks _she thinks we're in love!"  
Uh oh, maybe I'd gone too far this time.  
"James, we _are _in love!"  
I giggle and smack James arm as he hits his head against the table a couple times. "Told you!"  
James turns his head towards Sirius. "Nice one idiot, how are you going to score now you got the girls thinking we're gay?"  
The smile left Sirius face immediately and he turned to Carla pleadingly. "Babe, that's not true is it? You know you're the only one for me."  
Carla pretends to ponder this. "Hmm I don't know, you guys looked pretty cozy in bed together that morning..."  
"Nothing happened!" James and Sirius snapped at the same time and me and Carla burst out laughing.  
"You're missing the toasts," Remus hissed at us. "Alice's dad is almost done, and aren't you meant to be speaking Lily?"  
This time I felt the smile leave my face. Damn. I hated public speaking. Pushing my fear aside I turned my attention to Alice's dad.  
"...and I just wanted to say that my life is now complete, I have lived to see the day that my baby girl has found someone to take care of her. I couldn't be more proud of Frank and Alice and I hope that they too can one day experience the joy of watching the person they love more than anything in the world grow into a beautiful, accomplished young being. It is written: when children find true love, parents find true joy. Here's to your joy and ours, from this day forward."  
I raise my glass along with everyone else. Hear, hear indeed!  
I then listen to Frank's mum who gives a blunt speech on marriage and how hard you have to work for it but how she thinks Alice is the perfect woman for her son and couldn't be more proud of his choice. Then Frank's brother got up, a mischievous smile on his face.  
"My brother here had the worst luck with women for as long as I can remember or maybe all the girls he chased had better taste! I remember the first year he met Alice, he wrote an owl to me and mum and said 'I've found her, I've found the girl for me, and she actually thinks I'm cute and funny, all I have to do is not screw it up and maybe I'll invite you to the wedding!' I scoffed at this, especially once I saw how gorgeous Alice is, but true to Frank's words, Alice is the perfect woman and threw the poor sap a bone and gave him her heart in return for dance lessons so she could keep her feet. So, I would like everyone to raise their glasses, Here's to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart."  
I raised my glass again and then panic flooded my system as I realised it was my turn, and they were now calling my name. Taking a big swig from my glass, I took a deep breath and then made my way to the stage.  
"Hello," I began. "Tonight we're here to celebrate the love of Frank and Alice, and I was asked if I could come up with a little something, I tried for weeks to find the right words but none seemed to come, but then I remembered my favourite poem that I'm going to read tonight that describes these two perfectly, it's a muggle poet by the name of E. called 'My heart',  
'I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. I am never without it, anywhere you go, I go my dear; and whatever is done by only me, is your doing my darling.  
I fear no fate, for you are my fate, my sweet. I want no world, for beautiful, you are my world, my true. You are whatever a moon has always meant, and whatever a sun will always sing is you.  
Here is the deepest secret that nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than a soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.  
I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart.'"  
I stopped and saw everyone watching me intently, some people smiling, some people crying. I felt I was about to burst into tears myself so I quickly wrapped it up. I turned to Alice and Frank and spoke directly to them for my parting words.  
" My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least. To Alice and Frank!"  
Alice, tears in her eyes blew me a kiss and Frank beamed at me. I nodded and tried to head back to the table without falling over. I slipped into my chair quickly and James pressed his lips against my ear.  
"Beautiful Evans, you made Sirius cry,"  
I looked over and sure enough Sirius was wiping at his eyes as he insisted he had an eye lash stuck in them.  
I smirked at him and leant back into James' warmth. "I wish everyday was like this,"  
James kissed my cheek tenderly. "I bet Alice's parents don't, you'd send them bankrupt in a week!"  
I chuckled quietly as we watched Alice and Frank head to the center for their first dance as husband and wife.  
"They look so happy don't they?" Remus whispered.  
Violet nodded. "They really do, and so they should, it's meant to be the happiest day of your life."  
"How are the other days meant to compare then?" Remus asked.  
Violet pecked him on the cheek. "That's what they're going to spend every day of their life trying to achieve, at least now they have something to compare their happiness too."  
My back was cold and I realised James was no longer behind me. I turned around in panic to find out where he had gone, but when I turned to the front again his familiar tanned hand was in front of me.  
"May I have this dance Miss Evans?"  
I placed my hand in his, enjoying the warmth and comfort it provided. "You may."  
We clung to each others body close, just slowly rotating on the spot, too wrapped up in each others company it was easy to forget there was anyone else around.  
"Have I told you how breath takingly beautiful you look this evening?"  
I smiled into his shoulder. "Vaguely."  
"Well, let me put it this way, I am ready to start a new religion 'Lilyism' which is pretty much me, just worshipping you."  
I giggled. "You look good too Potter,"  
We continued to move slowly, pressed tightly against each other and when I let my eyes stray from his beautiful face I noticed we were now joined by dozens of couples.  
"Can you hear that?" James suddenly whispered and my insides went cold as I strained my ears to listen for the incoming danger. However, there was nothing.  
"I don't hear anything," I whisper back.  
"Exactly! Brilliant idea to get married at Hogwarts, no better way to ensure a smooth, danger free wedding. In fact, when we get married, this is where I would like it to be."  
I stiffened. "_When _we get married?"  
James pressed his lips into my hair. "Yes Evans, because whether you have realised it or not, I am completely and utterly in love with you and I refuse to spend the rest of my life without you by my side."  
"We're so young," I replied. "I'm not ready to be married yet,"  
"I didn't mean tomorrow Evans, when you're ready we'll get married, I'm prepared to wait."  
I smiled cheekily. "What if I'm not ready until we're eighty?"  
"I'll be thrilled we lived that long and I will push your wheel chair down the isle myself. If we're only married for a day Evans, it will be the best day of my life and I will die with no regrets."  
"I do love you," I whispered back.  
"I know," he replied. "That's why I have faith it will be before we're eighty."  
"Really?"  
"Yup, I got my sights set on sixty five," he joked.  
I giggled and tilted my face up for a kiss.  
We broke apart when I felt someone tugging at the bottom of my dress, I looked down to see Frank's little cousin staring up at me.  
"Would you like to dance?" he asked, shyly.  
I smiled and turned to James.  
"I knew this day would come, how can I possibly compare to you Artie? Take care of my girl."  
Little Artie grinned up at James. "Watch how it's done," he replied with his slight lisp.  
James laughed as I let the little six year old lead me onto the dance floor.  
"You're really pretty," he told me earnestly.  
I chuckled and pinched his cheeks. "You're quite the charmer aren't you?"  
"Is James your husband like Frank is Alice's?"  
I looked over at James who had the flower girl on his shoulders and was spinning her around to the beat as she giggled wildly. H e was as close at perfect as anyone was ever going to get.  
"One day," I replied to Artie. "One day he will be."


	30. Chapter 30

Hey all, this is a bit rushed and scattered, recently one of my friends died so I'm not really thinking that well and if I don't update for another week or so, that will be why. I didn't edit this either, didn't really have the energy to do much except write something for those that loyally read, so I'm sorry if it's dodgy.  
Thanks as always to the fantastic readers and reviewers;

_hello-goodbye146__, __Jenny129__, __hptwilightlvr__, __ravenclawLupin11__, __Ash, __XXJAMESLILYXX__, __supacrazyhazey__, __Addicted-2-My-Chemical-Romance__, __Adorkably Adorkable__, __Lilyflower33__, __Lizzi1990__, __Opa12__, __hpdreamer500__, __Psychokillerhoney__, __The-Ruby-Butterfly__, __The DA is dressed to the nines__._

_Love you guys.  
_

* * *

JAMES

"Sirius, you have got to be kidding me, I am _not _going!"

"Why not! I'm doing this for you!"

"For me? If you were doing this for me, tonight would be going completely different!"

"You're being a baby, can't you just be grateful that I put all my hard work into this?"

"Hard work? Sirius, come on mate, all you have to do is just get us to show up!"

"And look how hard that's turning out to be!"

I sighed as I listened to Frank and Sirius arguing. It was like having two girls fighting over which out fit they wanted.

"James!"

I looked up into Frank's pleading face. "Please, please tell Sirius what a ridiculous idea this is!"

I turned to Sirius lazily. "Sirius, this is a ridiculous idea."

"Jimmy, how can you say that? This is the most important part of the whole marriage thing!"

"But I'm _already _married," Frank argued. "I don't need a bachelor party because I'm no longer a bachelor, right James?"

I looked at Frank and sighed. "Mate, I'm gonna be honest with you. This is how it's gonna go, you're going to spend another hour to two hours arguing with Sirius and eventually you'll give in and we'll end up going because he always gets his way, so why don't you cut the argument short so we can get this over with?"

Frank glared at me. "You're no help at all!"

I raised my hands in surrender. "Hey, I just cut pointless arguing out of your night, you should be thanking me!"

Frank lowered his head in defeat. "Fine..."

Remus shook his head. "I expected more of a fight from you Longbottom!"

"James just said Sirius would win anyway!"

"Yeah, but you don't have to make it so easy!"

Frank rolled his eyes. "How you all survived each other this long, I'll never know!"

"Hello? Boys?"

My face lit up as I heard Lily enter the house.

"In here sexy!" Sirius called and I threw a cushion at him.

Lily walked in with two arm fulls of bags. "What's up?"

I nodded at the ridiculous amount of bags. "Shopping?"

Lily shrugged. "It's not just for me. What are you guys doing?"

Frank threw himself at Lily. "Lily, please, _please _tell Sirius a bachelor party is ridiculous now that I'm married, make him stop!"

Lily pried Frank off her shoulders and shrugged. "It's an important rite of passage Frank, that's what the bags are for, we're throwing Alice her

hens night, so it's great that you guys are having a night too."

Sirius beamed. "Evans, you really are more than a pretty face."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Uh thanks...I think."

"You mean, you're going to throw me to the wolves?" Frank demanded and Remus stiffened slightly.

Lily patted Frank's cheek comfortingly. "How about you guys go out, do your dinner thing and then we can all meet up somewhere at like

eleven? Alice is a bit hesitant about tonight too, maybe you married folk have lost all the fun,"

Frank stiffened. "Excuse me? Alice and I are still fun!"

He turned to Sirius. "Let's do this then."

Sirius jumped up and thumped Frank on the back. "Excellent, just wait til you see what I have planned for you! See ya later Evans!"

Frog marching a resistant Frank out Sirius began to hum.

I moved up to Lily and fought my way through the bags to pull her close to me. "So I'll definitely see you later?"

She smiled. "Depends if I pick up or not."

"I vote no on that one, I really don't want to have to curse the poor bastard."

Lily got on her tip toes to give me a peck on the lips. "You're kinda cute when you're all possessive. You better go and I definitely have to go,

meet back here at eleven ok and then we'll figure out where to go from there."

I pecked her again lightly. "Do you mind if I bring some girls back with me?"

"Sure, you do that and see what happens to you."

I grin broadly. "See you later Evans,"

"Behave yourself Potter,"

"I always do!" I called over my shoulder.

I heard her scoff as I joined the rest of the boys.

*

"Alright where are we going?" Remus asked. "Bar? Pub? _Dancing?"  
_

Sirius grinned evilly. "All of the above!"

"All? Sirius we have to meet up with the girls by eleven, we're not going to have time to go to three different places!"

I shook my head. Poor naive Frank, had he really not figured it out yet?

Sirius grinned evilly again. "You will see my friend, I have it all worked out, just trust me."

"Famous last words," I said, clapping Frank on the shoulder.

"Ignore Jimmy, he's just jealous Evans isn't ready to commit herself one hundred percent."

I punched Sirius's shoulder. "If you hadn't cuddled up to me and given her ideas we'd be fine!"

Sirius winked at me. "Not my fault I'm irresistible to men or women."

Remus groaned. "Can we go before we're stuck with Sirius's ever expanding ego?"

"Fine!" Sirius snapped. "Hold onto my hands and arm,"

I looked down at his hand he offered. "If you tell Evans we held hands, I will curse you,"

Sirius chuckled as I took hold and closed my eyes. When I opened them we were in a dark alley.

"Well, this is exciting," Remus said sarcastically.

Sirius closed his eyes and put his hand to his forehead, taking deep breaths to calm himself. "We're not there yet Moony, chill out ok?"

"Mate, where are we?" Frank asked a little uncertain.

Sirius spread his arms wide. "We are about to enter the holy ground fellas, you can thank me later, come on."

Wearily we all followed Sirius out of the alley and into the open. All of our mouths dropped.

"Sirius," Frank began in a weak voice. "You better tell me that this place is just advertising neon lights."

Sirius grinned brightly. "Genius right?"

I looked up at the flashing neon lights of 'Sinsations' and groaned internally. Trust Sirius to take the muggle interpretation of a bachelor party so literally. We definitely had to cut him off from the muggle movies.

Remus looked like he might pass out, Sirius looked delighted and Frank looked almost ready for murder.

"So, shall we go?" I asked, trying to break the tension.

Sirius grabbed Frank and Remus and dragged them up to the front door, I trailed behind praying there would be no blood shed tonight.

"I.D boys," the girl at the front asked lazily.

Sirius moved closer and gave her his most charming smile. "Well, hel-lo beautiful, you are in luck tonight,"

She continued expecting her nails, not even looking up. "Yep, you are going to be a part of something beautiful,"

Her eyes snapped up and she took in Sirius, inch by inch and a slow smile spread across her face. "Really?"

"Yep, Frank here just got married, but he didn't even get to have a bachelor party, but you know it really is better late than never right? So tonight we are going to show him everything he's gonna miss out on for the rest of his life!"

"You will just give me further reasons as to why Alice is my everything and this is all meaningless."

The girl's face melted. "That _is_ beautiful!"

"Isn't is just?" Sirius asked, smiling seductively.

The girl actually leant in and inhaled whatever cologne he had put on and sighed a bit. God, did this stuff actually work?  
"Go through boys," she said finally, stroking a line down Sirius's face. "And congrats on your wedding!"

Frank smiled at her tensely as Sirius began to lead him away. "Thanks."

We walked through a thick velvet curtain to reveal a massive room with private doors leading to god knows where. There was a main stage at the back of the room with two girls on opposite ends working the poles with such strength I was actually jealous. There were couches laid out across the room that actually looked comfy, scandily clad women walking around offering drinks and 'other services' and a pretty well set up bar.

"Sirius," Frank began. "Don't expect to live the whole night through."

Sirius laughed whole heartedly. "You're so stressed mate, you definitely need this place. Come on, let's get a good seat."

Remus grabbed my arm. "I need a drink,"

I pried his fingers off my arm. "Alright, let's go hit the bar first."

"I'm coming too," Frank stated. "I could use a drink…or ten."

Sirius smiled gleefully. "That's the spirit! Let's go!"

"Four strong ones please," I told a very pretty blonde bar tender.

She shot me a sexy smile and leant closer. "Smooth pussy or Orgasm?"

"Excuse me?" I spluttered.

She smiled even wider. "Your drinks, what would you prefer?"

Luckily it was dark in here, I could fell my whole face flushing. "Just surprise me,"

"You trust me with your drink choice?"

"Sure,"

She leant in closer still to whisper in my ear. "You look like you could do with an Orgasm, four coming up."

I nearly fell off my chair I jerked back to hard, luckily Frank steadied me.

"What's your problem man?" Sirius asked, oblivious to my little conversation.

I shook my head. "Nothing, I'm fine."

A couple minutes later she was back with four drinks. "How much?" I asked as I handed the drinks out to my friends.

She looked at me from under her eyelashes and smiled. "On the house."

"Oh no, I can't let you do that, just tell me how much," I replied.

"On the house," she repeated. "But you can buy me a drink to make it up to me."

Was I actually getting hit on? In a strip club? That'll be a story to tell the grand kids.

"I actually have a girlfriend," I told her as gently as I could.

"You're not married," she replied.

"I am," Frank cut in.

"Good for you!"

I pulled my wallet out. "So, how much?"

"What's your name handsome?"

"What's yours?" I countered.

"Cherish,"

"I'm Prongs,"

"Prongs? You expect me to believe that's your real name?" she asked with a smirk.

"And Cherish is yours?"

She looked shocked then began to laugh. "I like you, you got spunk. I meant what I said, drinks are on the house,"

I sighed and raised my glass to her in a toast before sculling the liquid down. Damn, it was delicious.

"Can I get you another Orgasm?" she asked slyly.

Frank pushed his glass towards her. "Please."

Sirius leant in and gave her a classic play boy smile. "I would love another as would my good friends Moony and Prongs here."

"Prongs?" she asked again looking at me. I shrugged in return as she went and mixed us another round of drinks.

Sirius put his arm around my shoulder. "Prongs! She is definitely making a move on you, who knew muggle women were so sexy or easy to talk to!"

"You have a girlfriend," I replied.

"I'm not the one being hit on,"

"You just wish you were,"

"Everyone likes attention Jimmy boy,"

I shrugged. I guess that was true enough, but this wasn't exactly the kind of attention I wanted. What was the point? I already knew who I wanted.

"Drink up boys!"

Sirius slid some muggle money across the counter. "Thanks gorgeous, get yourself a drink too."

Cherish smiled and then turned to me. "Does it bother you that your friend is way more charming than you?"

I grinned. "Nope, I already got the girl."

Cherish smiled mockingly. "And where is your so called girl friend tonight?"

"Right here and wondering what the hell is going on."

Oh shit.

LILY

Who the hell was this hussy and why the hell was she leaning into James like that?

James turned to me, panic in his eyes. "Lily, what are you doing here?"

I gestured behind me at Carla, Alice and Violet. "Hens night, this is a mixed strip club, we figured we'd see some hotties and teach the girls some moves. You?"

He nodded at three very uncomfortable looking guys beside him. "Bachelor party."

I nodded. I should have known, Sirius really needed to cut back on the muggle movies.

"You are?" I asked the blonde girl.

"Cherish," she replied. "I was giving your boys here a crash course in Orgasms."

"Excuse me?" Carla asked, pushing to the front.

"That's what the drink is called babe," Sirius told her in a soothing voice, pulling her back towards him.

"Can I help you?" Cherish asked sweetly.

I grit my teeth. "Sure, you can work the other side of the bar and send someone else over here."

Cherish raised her eyebrows. "We really need to put the no girlfriend signs back up," she muttered as she sauntered away.

I could feel eyes burning into the back of my head and I turned around to find James grinning at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You are very, very sexy Evans, did you know that?"

I smiled. "I'm kinda flattered that you're in a strip club with half naked women and I'm still the sexy one."

James wiggled his eyebrows. "I've experienced your lap dance Evans, and these women could never hold a candle to you. In fact, you should go over there and show them how it's done, I'll even volunteer."

I slapped his shoulder. "Very generous of you."

"I'm a generous kinda guy."

"Really?"

He moved so we were chest to chest. "Very, in fact, you can have anything you want from me, whenever you want and use me to practice anytime."

I smiled and leant my head against his chest. "That's quite an offer Mr. Potter."

"What can I say Evans? I'm yours to command."

"I might take advantage of you,"

He whispered into my ear making me quiver. "Please do."

"Lily!"

I turned to face Carla. "What's up?"

"We're wasting the hens' night on the boys, let's go to the VIP room or something and get wild."

I grinned knowing she was just saying this to get at Sirius.

I pecked James on the lips. "Sorry Potter, duty calls, we're not being very good maids to Al here who has yet to see a fireman strip down so we'll meet you at eleven?"

"Ten," Sirius said firmly, holding Carla tightly. "We will see you at the house at ten."

Carla smirked. "Don't worry about me baby, go get yourself a lap dance and enjoy your night, I'll do the same."

With a peck to Sirius, Carla pulled me away from James and the rest of the girls away from their boys and marched us away.

"You're just joking about the lap dance right?" Sirius called.

Carla just winked and kept walking.

"You torture the poor boy," Alice told her.

"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen," Carla replied.

I laughed and rolled my eyes as Carla lead us into the ladies lounge and we sat down in the comfy red velvet chairs and enjoyed the view of the male dancers on stage before us.

"I can't believe muggles have places like this," Alice giggled.

"I can't believe the wizarding world doesn't," Carla replied.

"Who wants drinks?" I asked.

All three girls raised their hands and I got up and headed to the bar.

"Four vodka oranges please," I asked the bartender.

He gave me a curt nod and slid four glasses over the counter to me.

I slid the money back in return, told him to keep the change and headed back across the room to bring the drinks back to the girls but before I made it there a big burly man slammed into me, spilling half the drinks down my dress and crushing one glass against me.

"Damnit!" I snapped.

"Tasty," he replied in a gravelly voice, wiping his finger across the top of my chest where the glass had cut me and I was bleeding. I flinched away from his touch.

"Keep your hands to yourself," I told him curtly.

He smirked and slipped the blood stained finger into his mouth.

"What's your name pretty one?"

I ignored him and kept walking.

"Hope to see you soon!"

The hairs on my skin were standing on end and I felt uneasy turning my back on him.

"Are you ok?" Alice asked as I sat down, putting the remaining drinks on the table. "You're bleeding!"

"Yeah, some jerk slammed into me, I'm ok though," I replied, but I was shaking.

"Is that the guy?" Violet asked in a quivering voice.

I looked up and there was the creep, slinking towards us, sculling his drink down which was dark red, staining his teeth and dripping down his chin.

"Let's get out of here," I murmured. "I think I'm done with this place."

"How did he even get in the ladies lounge?" Carla hissed.

I hurried them out of the room. "I don't know, and I don't need to know, can we just leave?"

I glanced behind me and found he had quickened his pace, so we quickened ours, almost breaking into a jog.

We didn't stop until we had found the boys, sitting at the front of the stage where two ladies were giving the end of their show.

"What's wrong?" James asked immediately, standing up to hug me.

"There was just a creepy guy, freaked us out a bit," I explained, feeling kind of stupid now. "It's probably stupid."

"Which guy?" Sirius hissed.

I turned around and sure enough, he was still approaching us. What was this guys deal?

"Him," Violet replied fearfully.

"I'll kill him," James hissed and it surprised me to see that him and Sirius were now shielding Remus.

"Who is he?" Alice asked.

"Fenrir Greyback," the creepy guy introduced himself. "I thought maybe I could buy you ladies a drink."

"They aren't interested," Remus snapped. "I suggest you leave before I call the Ministry and get you taken away in a cage."

Fenrir looked delighted. "Could it be…Remus? My, you've grown up haven't you? Last time I saw you, you were only a wee little lad," he licked his lips. "Delicious."

Remus lunged at him with a glass in his hand and hit Fenrir over the head with it, blood seeped from his matted hair, but he just laughed.

"Oh my child, such fire, I knew I made the right choice in just having a taste."

"I will _kill_ you," Remus snarled. "_I WILL KILL YOU!"_

Fenrir grabbed Remus's arm and snapped it like it was nothing more than a chickens arm. "Don't test my patience pup, I may not be so forgiving next time."

"Leave here," I snapped, hating the fear spreading from Remus.

He smirked at me. "Fiery one aren't you? Why don't you come with me and I'll leave little Remus alone, I'm starving, how about you?"

Remus snapped out of his trance and with his uninjured arm cursed Fenrir so that he was positively howling.

"Moony," Sirius began in a warning tone, looking around at the muggles who were starting to notice that something wasn't going well. "As much as I would like to tear this miserable bastard limb from limb, we may need to take this elsewhere."

Remus lowered his wand and Fenrir lashed out, biting down on Remus's broken arm before taking off.

Blood dripping from a gaping room and arm broken, Remus still took off after him, screaming bloody murder.

We took off after him and when he all reached him outside, he was in tears, rushing around looking lost.

"He's gone," he muttered. "I let him go. I was going to kill him, I was going to make sure he couldn't hurt anyone else."

Violet slowly approached Remus. "Honey, what's wrong? What's happening?"

Remus looked down at his ravaged arm in disinterest and didn't reply.

"Who is that guy?" Carla asked. "You guys weren't really going to kill him right?"

"Yes," Sirius said firmly. "We were."

All of us girls' mouths dropped.

"But why?" Violet gasped. "What did he do?"

James and Sirius looked away determinedly.

"Remus," Violet pressed. "What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing," Remus told her. "Let's just go home."

Violet barred his way and pounded on his chest in frustration. "No, I have always given you space and let you have you secrets but not anymore! This isn't you, you don't try to kill people, you don't get into fights and you don't get to shut me out! Now, who the hell is this guy?"

Remus raised his arm and his shoulders sagged in defeat. "He's the guy that made me a werewolf, and for that I _will_ kill him."


	31. Chapter 31

Hey, another scattered one, sorry for that. I just wanted to post this, since I'll be going away to pay my respects and it's my birthday this weekend too so I probably won't be back for another two weeks.

Thank you so much to everyone who said such sweet supportive things, I feel so blessed to have encountered such wonderful people, you are all amazing.

To my beautiful reviewers; **FaithfulHPReader, , ravenclawLupin11, LiLoveheart, Adorkably Adorkable, Cjas, shroomy-eyes, The-Ruby-Butterfly, Merope Firpo, DelightfulSmiles, Lilyflower33, Mistress Trinity, Psychokillerhoney, supacrazyhazey, potter06, dreamingofsunshine, Opa12, Jenny129, amnazing, XXJAMESLILYXX, hpdreamer500, hello-goodbye146, hptwilightlvr, AuntLynnie, The DA is dressed to the nines.**

There are never enough kind words for you all.

Thank you.

xxxx

* * *

JAMES

"Come again?" Violet asked with a slight smile. "Could have sworn you said you were a werewolf, you're not going to tell me Pete's a vampire too?"

Remus looked like he was close to throwing up. "You heard right."

Violet's smile disappeared immediately.

"Pete's not a vampire though," Sirius added, trying to break the awkwardness.

It didn't work.

Shit. Talk about an elephant in the room. This was definitely not how tonight was meant to go. Was this what the world was going to be like from now on? One beautiful shining moment quickly replaced by ominous darkness?

I looked from the faces of Frank, Alice, Carla and Violet, the four who didn't know the secret.

Until now.

Frank and Alice looked stunned, Carla looked slightly terrified but Violet…Violet looked almost expressionless, except for her eyes that were ablaze.

How long had we all stood here, refusing to look at each other, refusing to speak? God it was almost deafening the unsaid words that were screaming in the silence.

"Excuse me?" Violet finally said.

Remus kept his eyes on the ground. "I'm a werewolf, I have been ever since I was really small. I'm sorry-"

"Shut up," Violet told him, cutting him off firmly.

Everyone's mouths dropped, before now we hadn't even realised Violet was capable of that kind of tone.

"Violet!" Lily scolded.

Violet flicked expressionless eyes towards her. "This is not the place to discuss it, someone could hear him and this isn't something we want public. Let's all meet back at James, then Remus can explain why he didn't tell us before now."

Ouch. It wasn't even me she was talking to and I felt the whip of coldness.

Remus looked broken and I automatically felt like telling Violet to go shove off and leave him alone, she had no idea what it had been like for him. Sensing my mood Violet turned to me.

"You can have your say too Potter, just not now. See you soon."

With a pop she was gone, leaving a chill behind her.

Sirius exhaled a breath. "Well, definitely a night to remember right?"

I grimaced at him. "Night's not over yet,"

Remus still stood in the same pose, almost catatonic.

"Moony, we're going to apparate you back to my place ok? Hold onto my arm," I told him soothingly.

Slowly he raised his head and looked at Carla, Alice and Frank. "You don't need to," he told them quietly.

"Need to what?" Alice asked.

"Come back to James', talk to me again, be my friend,"

Carla came up and bravely wrapped her arms around Remus. "Don't be silly, girls are pretty horrible once a month too, now you're apart of the club."

Sirius stared at Carla in wonder. "I love you,"

All our mouths dropped. Well, wasn't this a night for confessions.

"You what?" Carla asked.

"Guys, Violet is waiting and in the mood she's in I don't think it's wise to leave her alone in James' house with things she can destroy," Lily cut in.

"Yeah Padfoot, we can get back to your little…revelation later ok? Let's get this over with. Ready Moony?" I added.

"No."

"Alright then, close your eyes."

A couple seconds later we were in my living room and Violet was sitting on the couch, stiff and as still as a statue.

"At least she's not breaking anything," Sirius muttered.

"This is worse," I whispered back. "Calm before the storm, have we learnt nothing from Evans?"

Lily whacked me gently as she moved to sit next to Violet, who didn't even seem aware of her presence.

"Who else knew?" she asked.

"I did," I said, raising my arm slowly like I was back in class being asked to own up for blowing up a Slytherine's desk.

"I did too," Sirius replied.

"And me," Lily squeaked.

Violet's eyes flashed at Lily's admission. "Of course you did, he always trusted you more than me."

"That's not true," Lily argued. "I sort of…caught them in the act and they had to tell me."

Violet nodded, then turned piercing eyes towards Remus. "Sit down, start talking."

Remus sighed and obliged, sitting as far away from her as possible. He began in a toneless, dead voice.

"I was a young boy, my family had taken me camping. I wandered off to explore, ran into Fenrir, he chased me, taunted me, nearly took my arm off and then when I bit him to get him to let go of me, he laughed, he was pleased. He told me he'd let me live and come to collect me when I'd grown into my new 'gift', I've been infected ever since."

"And does Dumbledore know? What do you do when you transform?"

"He knows, he planted the whomping willow for me, there's a passage underneathe I use to transform so no one gets hurt."

Violet glanced at me and Sirius. "And how do they know? What part do they play?"

I open my mouth to tell her our secret, the one we hoped no one would ever find out about, however the secret I'd be willing to tell the world if it helps Moony.

Someone beats me to it.

"They figured it out, confronted me, got me to confess and have supported me ever since. That's all there is to it," Remus tells her flatly.

Sirius and I both gave him grateful smiles.

Violet is silent again, no doubt putting together all the time Remus was sick, the times he avoided her and disappeared.

"Violet, I'm so sorry ok? You understand now why I've kept you at a distance. You're so pure and wholly good and I…I'm a monster. It was selfish of me to keep you to myself. I just…I wanted to be normal, you made me feel like I was normal and I kept telling myself I would break it off with you but…"

"But what? Why didn't you?" Violet pressed.

Remus sighed and then looked Violet right in the eyes. "I fell in love with you and I didn't want to lose you, I didn't want to lose the best part of me. I understand now that you want nothing to do with me, that you must be disgusted, it's ok, you don't need to say anything…"

"So you were never going to tell me, were you?"

"No, because I knew you wouldn't see me the same, knew you couldn't love a monster,"

"You bastard," Violet hissed. "You ignorant, idiotic bastard."

Remus nodded, taking each verbal blow as if he deserved worse.

"How dare you?"

"What?" Remus asked bewildered.

"How dare you assume that you know how I feel. You're a fool Remus, I would have stayed with you, I would have supported you, you do that for the ones you love, take the good with the bad. Did you think I was so shallow that I would shun you? You are no different to me then you were when I first met you, I have always believed in you, but you couldn't believe in me. You couldn't even trust me, your own girlfriend," Violet's voice broke at the last sentence.

Remus moved closer and tried to touch her but she flinched away from him. "Don't touch me! I…I have to go."

"Violet, I'm sorry I just didn't want to hurt you!" Remus told her in a pleading tone.

Violet got up, tears streaming down her face. "And I just wanted you to let me in…looks like we both lost out. I'll see you at school ok? I have to go."

Remus stood staring at where Violet was standing.

"Moony…" Sirius took a step forward to hug Remus and his arms wrapped around thin air as Remus had already apparated.

"Shit!" I cursed and turned to Sirius. "I'll go find him."

Sirius raised his hand. "No it's my turn this time, I'll go."

"This happens a lot?" Lily asked.

I sighed deeply. "Moony takes the weight of the world on his shoulders, he takes responsibility for everything, even if it isn't his fault. Like, his parents splitting up, being a werewolf, me and Sirius getting in trouble so much."

"How is any of that his fault?" Carla asked.

Sirius shrugged. "It's not his fault, but our man Moony, is his own worst enemy. Sometimes he needs reminding that he's not a monster and he's a top bloke, I have a feeling tonight it gonna be one of those nights."

"I'm coming with you then," Carla said firmly.

"You are?" Sirius asked in surprise

"Of course I am silly, he's my friend too, I need to make sure he's ok."

Sirius beamed up at her and held out his hand. "I actually do love you, you know?"

Carla took his hand and smiled. "That's something we can talk about on the way play boy…"

With that, they were gone and then there was just the four of us in the most awkward silence I have ever been in.

"Sorry about tonight guys, I swear it's not all drama with us," I said sheepishly.

Frank shrugged. "Not my idea of a night out but hey, it got me out of Sirius's seedy bachelor party, so I'm pretty grateful for Remus for that."

"Listen you guys…you're not going to say anything to anyone right? I know this is hard and you might be a bit scared but you know, I need to know that you're not going to do anything to hurt him."

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked, hurt. "Remus is still the same to us, we would never turn on him. Let us know how we can help ok? We _want_ to help."

I smiled into her kind face. "We sure know how to pick our friends. Could you maybe check on Violet? See how she's holding up?"

Frank nodded and clasped my shoulder. "No worries mate, we'll see you back at school on Monday ok?"

Alice came and gave both me and Lily quick cuddles before taking Franks hand and with a little wave, apparated.

"And then there were two huh?" I sighed.

Lily nodded. "Yep, we sure know how to clear a room.

"Didn't exactly go as planned tonight did it? I've never seen Violet like that."

"It's because he didn't trust her that she's upset not that he's a werewolf, she'll get over it she just needs to cool off, get her thoughts together. I think she just hates that he couldn't let her in."

I sighed. "Yeah, but trust me she can't hate Remus anymore than he hates himself."

LILY

Mondays, the bane of my life. If there were a real thing such as Mondayitis I would be infected permanently. No Monday ever started well, there was no motivation to get up and you were still half stuck in the memories and mellowness of the weekend, it was like when you wake up and you're still half stuck in your dream.

Today my mondayitis was flaring up to dangerous levels. I lay in my bed in my old common room procrastinating against getting up and watched Violet, curled in a ball on her bed.

She still wasn't speaking to anyone and she wouldn't even look at Remus. This was not a good start. I hated awkwardness.

"Lils you coming for breakfast?" Carla asked, already dressed to perfection,

"You could bring some here for me?" I asked hopefully.

Carla scoffed. "Who do you think I am, James Potter? You can't charm me into doing anything, now get up or I'll get Sirius to come get you up."

I jumped out of bed immediately. "I'm up!"

Carla inclined her head to Violet in question and I shrugged.

"Violet, you coming for breakfast?" I asked tentatively.

Violet turned her back to us in response. "Don't feel well."

"Did you want us to stay with you?" Carla asked.

"No thank you."

"If you ever need to talk, we're here ok? It's never too early or too late for you."

Violet scoffed. "I didn't think communication was very big with anyone these days."

Oh burn! She definitely needed some more time to cool off.

"Just so you know," I said quietly as we headed out. "You're Remus's whole world, can you blame him for wanting to preserve that? You're just justifying every excuse he had for not telling you."

As expected Violet didn't reply, but I knew she heard me.

"Drama, drama, drama," Carla muttered as we walked to the great hall.

"Such is life," I sighed.

"Good morning pearl of my heart…morning Evans," Sirius boomed, nodding at me and sweeping Carla up into his arms.

"Pearl of his heart?" I asked to Carla. "I thought those nick names were just to annoy you and get your attention before you guys were together."

Carla groaned. "I know, I thought after we started dating he'd quit with the names…I was wrong."

"Is that the only reason you're with me?" Sirius asked.

Carla grinned wickedly. "You found me out."

Shock flickered across Sirius's face quickly replaced by a mischievous grin. "Is that so? No other reason?"

Carla shrugged. "Maybe."

"Last chance sunshine,"

Carla feigned innocence. "I've told you everything."

Sirius pounced without warning and began tickling Carla until she was screaming and begging him to stop.

"Only one reason babe? Going to give in and tell me the rest?"

"N-no…never!"

Sirius grin broadened. "As you wish."

His tickling intensified and so did Carla's screams, I glanced around anxiously waiting for someone to come running towards the screams,

"Sirius…don't!....Stop it!"

"Don't stop? Well as you wish!"

I rolled my eyes. "Sirius I'm hungry, play time is over."

I may as well have spoken to a wall for the attention I was paid.

As usual James came to the rescue sprouting water from his wand over Sirius's head.

"Prongs! What the hell! I finally got my hair looking good!"

James shrugged. "You shouldn't have ignored Lily then."

I beamed at him. "My hero."

James bowed extravagantly. "At your service my lady."

"Urgh I think I've lost my appetite," Sirius muttered darkly.

I giggled and ruffled his hair up. "See you at breakfast, you better get yourself cleaned up."

Without waiting for an answer I took James' hand and we walked to the great hall together, it wasn't lost on me the death glares I still received from many of the girls in school. Instead of irritating me, or feeling embarrassed, I felt smug and pulled James closer. In your face girls!

We slid in beside Remus and Peter, both looking very sorry for themselves with no trace of any smiles appearing anytime soon.

"What's with the face?" James asked as he piled his plate with food.

"There's no face," Peter replied quickly whilst Remus remained silent.

I moved over and made a smiley face out of Remus's breakfast.

"There," I told him. "Now you remember how a smile looks and can eat a bit of happiness."

He actually gave me a smile small, which vanished immediately when Violet entered the great hall.

"It's going to be ok," I told him in a soothing voice. "She just needs time."

"Easy for you to say, you don't understand _anything_ that I'm feeling," he snapped back and I jerked as if I'd been slapped.

I opened my mouth to apologise but nothing came out.

"Oi Remus, listen here and listen good, we get that you're upset this is a shit situation and you're stuck in the middle of it, but Lily was trying to help, she's been trying to talk to Violet for you and all you do is snap at her? Keep your mouth shut before you have no one left standing by your side,"

I turned to James in surprise that he'd stand up to one of his best friends on my behalf just over one little comment.

He smiled back at me, my hero.

"I'm sorry," Remus murmured.

I shook my head. "That's ok, I know this isn't easy for you,"

He took my hand and squeezed it softly, saying everything in that one gesture that words couldn't.

"Eat your smiley face," James instructed. "It's good for you."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes mum."

James leapt up and tried to press a kiss against Remus's forehead but met with some resistence.

"Come on sweet heart, let mummy give you some love!"

Remus began to chuckle. "Get off me you ponce, you're as bad as Sirius!"

"Hey! I resent that!"

I giggled as James settle for pinching Remus's cheeks and we all got back to breakfast.

"Shit, Evans, we have to go!"

"What? Where?" I asked James as he'd sprung up.

"Prefects meeting remember? We're meant to be there like…now!"

I looked around the room and noticed there were no Prefects in sight, shit, some Heads we were.

With as much speed as I could muster I took off after James to the empty classroom we always had our meetings, expectant faces met us there.

"So sorry," I gasped.

Zane Bluff, the Slytherine Prefect gave me a small smile. "We haven't been waiting long."

"We shouldn't have to wait, especially for _her_," The slytherine girl, Audra Ravez snarled, only breaking her glare when James picked up his wand, a silent threat.

"Ok, moving on, we called you here today because Professor Dumbledore has asked that we organize a few things to keep the spirits up and for everyone to come together and enjoy. We wanted to give you all a chance to input some ideas so you know we value your opinion, the first event has already been planned but we'll get to that later. Any ideas?" I asked.

No one said anything, they just sat in a bored kind of silence, Great, this was going well.

"How about hunting?" Audra asked.

"Hunting?" I repeated.

"Do I stutter? Yes, hunting, hone our skills whilst having fun."

"What would we be hunting? I don't think everyone is going to want to kill things,"

Her eyes lit up. "Everyone wouldn't be, we'd be hunting you and your kind, no one would get killed."

James lunged forward. "Her kind?" he hissed.

"Relax Potter, you could join her,"

James pointed his wand at her throat. "A week's worth of detentions helping out in Muggle studies, be grateful I'm being kind."

She opened her mouth to protest but James pushed his wand closer and she immediately shut up.

"What's the first event?" Frank asked, trying to cut the tension.

"A fete," I replied then continued when confused looks is all I got. "When I was growing up we'd have these fete's it's where you have rides and games, there's a big Ferris wheel and lots of junk food, it's really fun."

"Pathetic," I turned to where the voice came from, the Slytherine girl, of course. "This is clearly a muggle thing, she's trying to infect us with her Mudblood ways, soon we'll all be stripped of our wands and forced to live like them, I refuse to…OW!"

Audra rubbed her back where apparently Zane had hit her…hard.

"There was a bug," he told her simply. "I didn't want you to get bitten."

I smiled at him in thanks, just as she got up to leave and was stopped but Dumbledore.

"Oh Miss Ravez so lovely to see you, I'm guessing you were on your way to come and fetch me? I can save you the trouble, please sit."

With a contemptuous glare she obeyed.

"Where are we at?" he asked kindly.

"Evans asked for suggestions and informed them of the Fete sir," James replied.

Dumbledore clapped his hands in pleasure. "Wonderful, how are we all finding that suggestion?"

To my surprise everyone agreed enthusiastically, except one, giving me encouraging smiles.

"I thought it quite a great idea too, we've scheduled the event for a week from tomorrow, you may even invite your parents if you wish, there can never be too much joy to be had. Since that's settled, back to classes!"

I watched everyone file out of the room then I turned to James to see he had paled. "Sir, there's no chance of changing the date is there?"

Dumbledore gave him a sad smile. "I'm afraid not Mr. Potter it was the date the committee and Professors agreed on, there is nothing I can do."

James nodded, giving Dumbledore his own kind of dismissal.

"What's wrong?" I asked, when James slid into a chair. "I thought you said it was going to be fun."

"I won't be there," he replied and I felt a bit stung.

"What? Why not? As head boy you have to be."

He looked up at me, sadness, panic and worry in his eyes. "It's a full moon."

I slid into the chair next to him.

Just great.


	32. Chapter 32

Hey all,

Been awhile huh? I'm still finding my feet again so apologies about the quality, especially the ending which was a bit rushed, I assure you it will eventually get better. Thanks for the birthday wishes too, really sweet of you.

Really, really hoping everyone is doing well and smiling lots.

Massive thanks as usual to the best reviewers and most amazing people; chloe'sfire, hpdreamer500, ravenclawLupin11, KatieMAGICLove., Cjas, The-Ruby-Butterfly, Lilyflower33, hello-goodbye146, Jenny129, Psychokillerhoney, LiLoveheart, hptwilightlvr, AuntLynnie, FaithfulHPReader, The DA is dressed to the nines, XXJAMESLILYXX, supacrazyhazey, DelightfulSmiles, Merope Firpo, Opa12.

* * *

James

"This is bollocks! You should be able to go!"

"Wormtail, it's a full moon tonight, I should be locked up and sent away…or worse,"

"What if we did a big prank and they had to cancel the Fete?"

"I'm flattered you'd do that for me mate, but Lily worked really hard on this and it's not fair that the whole school should suffer because of me, I don't want that."

I clasped Remus on the shoulder. "Who needs a fete anyway? You'll have your own side show with us."

Remus gave me a sharp look. "You're not going to be there this time,"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"I want you to go to the fete,"

"Well, that's just too bad,"

"Sirius, I'm not joking this time, I want to be alone tonight,"

"Tough luck,"

"You're not listening to me!" Remus said impatiently.

"I heard you, I'm just choosing to do the opposite,"

"I _don't want you there!_"

Sirius froze, Peter whimpered and I stared at Remus in shock. Seven years we had almost known him and not once had he ever yelled at us, had he ever gotten our complete attention like that.

"W-what?" Sirius asked.

Remus got up and started to walk away from us. "I do not want you there, I've taken enough away from you, don't make me hate myself anymore than I already do. I'm going to class."

He walked away, shoulders slumped, head bowed, the perfect image of defeat.

"Moony wait!" Peter called and ran after him.

"Leave him," I said quietly. "He wants to be alone, we need to let him be alone."

"Well, _I'm_ not letting him do this alone," Sirius said passionately.

"He's never alone," I told Sirius calmly. "He's got us, always. We just need to give him some space. This isn't easy on him and with Violet and everything else going on he just needs to sort out how he's feeling, we owe him that tiny bit of privacy he has left. I have to go meet Evans now to make sure everything is set up, I'll see you at dinner ok?"

Peter and Sirius nodded and with a small smile I left them.

*

Lily was waiting patiently by the entrance of the great hall for me, twirling her hair around her finger as she stared into the distance. It was the best thing I'd seen all day.

Hearing me approach she turned and her whole face lit up. Scratch that, _this_ was the best thing all week.

"Hey you," she said as she wrapped her arms around me.

"Hey beautiful, have you had a sneak peek yet?"

Lily feigned innocence. "Of course not, I waited for you like we planned."

I raised an eyebrow. "How many people have you made cry so far?"

"Three, but that's not my fault, the guy tried to put the popcorn seeds in the clowns mouth's to see if the clowns would react, honestly!"

I grinned and pressed my lips to her forehead. "I love you,"

She took my hand and skipped as she dragged me out of the great hall, looking younger and carefree than ever before.

"Come on Potter!"

I grinned and let her pull me along. "I'm coming gorgeous, just lead the way."

Outside looked magnificent. The grounds had been completely transformed. There was a big ferris wheel at the very back and other assortments of rides around it, the front was lined on the left with food stalls of muggle and wizarding foods alike and the right had little side show games available. I kept walking and there was actually an area to pet animals, I swore I could see a unicorn amongst the array of other creatures skitting around underneathe a massive tent with little enclosures for each animal, although maybe it was just a horse with a horn taped on, Lily did have a strange sense of humour.

Lily spun around, arms held wide. "Well, what do you think?"

I think it's the most brilliant thing ever, she has managed to blend the magical and muggle world so efficiently there can't be any comparison as to which is superior and now everyone will feel although they have a place they belong.

"You did good Evans," I tell her, pulling her in for a hug. "It's going to be an amazing night, make sure you take a heap of photos and then you can…what's the saying? Photo shaft me in?"

Lily giggles. "The term I believe is photo shop and I won't need to because you'll be there with me, if you're lucky I'll let you do the yawn move on the ferris wheel."

I sigh deeply, wrenching my thoughts away from how tempting it sounds, how badly I want it to come true and focusing on what I need to do.

"I can't Evans, you know how bad I want to, but I need to be there for Remus."

Lily smiles at me softly. "And you will be, Fete starts at seven and you don't normally go and join Remus until about eleven anyway so why can't you just come for a couple of hours?"

"You make it impossible to argue when you're making so much sense," I tell her softly.

"I just really wish Remus could come too,"

"Me too, this is the stuff he really loves."

"We'll have another one, an even _better_ one and it will be just for Remus, everything he loves, this is just the rough copy before we do the perfect one," she tells me fervently. "He won't miss out, not on anything, I won't allow it."

I grin and pull her back to the hall so we can get out of everyone's way. "I pity the poor person that ever crosses you Evans,"

"You've been crossing me for years Potter, did you think I was just mucking around with you?"

"Evans, we both know you only acted out of misplaced affection for me, you never _really_ meant all those things that you said, and it just proves my point, if that's how you act towards people you love, I feel horrible for your enemies!"

Lily laughs and it's like pretty bells ringing. "Love or not Potter, you're still an idiot."

I take an extravagant bow. "Thank you beautiful one,"

Lily laughs again and offers her hand. "You're my idiot."

I take her hand and kiss it. "Always."

*

"Have you seen Moony?" Sirius asks in a panic. "I can't find him anywhere."

I shake my head. "Nah I haven't, maybe he's just making sure he has space from us, we both know he can't go anywhere tonight, so he's going to be safe….well as safe as can be."

Sirius looks frantic still. "What if he decides to hurt himself? You heard him today he said he should be locked up….or worse. Or worse Prongs!"

I grasp Sirius's shoulders firmly. "Keep your voice down ok? You're over reacting."

Sirius scowls at me. "Has finally getting Evans changed your priorities, your friends suddenly don't matter? I can't believe you're even going tonight."

"Watch your mouth," I hiss. "You don't want to push me Sirius. I have to be there because I'm Head Boy and I'm going to go and see Remus at 10 which is earlier than usual. Just because I understand his need to have some sort of time to himself does not mean I don't care. Pull your head in or I'll pull it in for you, I'm not the enemy here."

Sirius still looks furious but he drops his head. "I know, I'm sorry, it's just he's my brother and I don't want to lose him, I _can't_ lose anyone else this year."

I pull him in for a one armed hug. "I know, but this is gonna make us all stronger, you'll see. Where's Wormtail?"

"Looking for Moony," Sirius replies and then I feel him stiffen and I watch as his eyes darken when Violet walks in the room.

"This is her fault!"

I watch hopelessly as he tears after her before I can even realise he's moved.

"Are you happy now?" he snarls, gripping her arm tight. "Are you satisfied now that he's as broken as can be? What did he ever do to you, huh?"

Violet looks down at her arm which is now turning purple from the pressure and makes no move to remove Sirius's hand. "Can I help you Sirius?"

Sirius gets angrier. "You bitch, you don't even care do you? Do you have any idea how much he loves you! He's a good person, and you're pathetic! Do him a favour and don't ever come near him again, you don't deserve him, and you never will."

"Sirius," I begin. "Let her go, you're hurting her,"

Sirius turns to me angrily but Violets reply cuts the voice right from him throat.

"I know,"

We all stare at her incredulously, unsure of how to reply to her admission.

With a stiff nod at us and sad eyes, she wrenched her arm away from Sirius's which looked like it was definitely going to bruise and walked away.

"Moony's going to kill you," I tell Sirius simply.

"Why?" Sirius asks in surprise.

"Because if you pulled that shit on Evans I would use my hands to break every bone in your body before using my wand to remove your bones so you could endure Skele- gro. It doesn't matter if you were doing it out of good intentions, she is the other half of him and now you've broken the only hope he had left."

"Yeah but you don't understand-"

"What if that were Carla?"

Sirius's face falls. "Shit, just,..shit!"

I nod in sympathy. "Maybe don't tell Moony until after the full moon,"

Sirius shoots me a dark look. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

I sling an arm around his shoulder. "Not at all, I'm just looking out for you."

Sirius's shoulders slumped. "I'm going to have to apologise aren't I?"

"Yep."

He sighs deeply. "I _hate_ apologies, it's pretty much admitting I was wrong."

I smile wryly. "In this case it had better be one hell of an apology."

LILY

I couldn't help feeling a bit smug as I looked around and saw the glee on my fellow classmates and even the teachers faces as they tried out the different amusement activities they had never even heard of before and filled themselves with so much sweets I'm sure their arteries were clogging a little bit.

Even the Slytherine's were finding a hard time keeping the smiles off their faces and avoiding any of the festivities.

"Now Miss Evans you wouldn't be stroking your ego would you?"

I spin around and step into the arms of James. "And so what if I am?"

He shrugs. "Then by all means, let me help you. You are looking quite delightful tonight, several songs could be written about your beauty, in fact how about we skip this place and make our own party in the common room?"

I blush and push him gently away from me. "Shut up you idiot,"

James grins and moves forward like a predator trapping it's prey. I move back cautiously until my back presses against something hard. He's got me.

James smirks, sliding closer. "Looks like you've got no where to hide Evans."

I quirk my lips slightly. "Really? And what does that mean?"

His breath is hot against my neck and heat slams into my body as his fingers gently trace the contours of my body, sliding up and down my curves.

"It means you're all mine," he whispers and kisses a trail from my neck to my ear, I move my head away to expose my neck fully, giving him better access.

I grab his shirt in my fists and pull him closer, swivelling my hips up against him so that a gasp of surprise escapes his lips.

"Evans…"

I slip my hands up his shirt and smirk as he sags slightly into me.

"Now look how the tables have changed," I whisper before pressing my lips against his firmly and moving my body closer to his.

James entwines his fingers in my hair, keeping me close, kissing me so thoroughly I feel myself beginning to float away slowly into a place where war doesn't exist and all that matters is James skin against mine.

Loud laughing cuts through my mini trance and I pull away from James, breathing slightly uneven.

"You ruin me," James gasps, looking dazed.

I can't help but feel a little smug at the effect I have on him.

"Come on," I tell him as I slide out of his grasp. "I didn't spend all my time planning this thing just to get seduced by you and miss all the fun."

James barks out a cough and follows me, putting his arm around my waist. "If anything Evans, _you_ seduced _me,_"

I widened my eyes, knowing I look beyond innocent as I do so. "Me? Lily Evans seduce you?"

James nods vigorously and I lean in closer. "Maybe, but you'd never prove it."

James grin spreads across his face and he pulls me in for a quick peck. "I love you Lily Evans,"

I allow myself one moment of tenderness, of vulnerability before I put my game face back on.

I run my hand through his hair and press a kiss to his forehead. "You're the best part of me, James Potter."

We stand there for a few moments, just staring into each other's eyes, conveying all kinds of sweetness in those moments of silence. Then another burst of laughter and I pull myself away and start to skip towards the Ferris wheel, knowing James will be hot on my heels.

*

"For you my lady!" James bellows as he hands me a giant teddy that he's won from a shooting game.

"Should I be concerned that you won this by shooting ten cute ducks and not missing anything?"

James smiles. "No, you should be excited that if the world comes to an end I am man enough to be able to provide for you."

I leant my head against his shoulder. "My boyfriend, the cave man."

James beat his chest and jumped around me grunting so I was giggling madly when Severus strolled over and stopped right in front of me.

"Can I help you?" I asked coolly when I realised he wasn't going to leave.

James straightened up and stood next to me solemnly, arms crossed over his chest. Severus ignored him and stepped closer.

"This looks really great, you've done a good job,"

"Not too muggle for you?" I ask and he stumbles back a bit.

"No… I didn't come here to fight…I just wanted…I wanted…"

"What did you want Snivellous?" James asks in a hard voice.

Severus turns to James and hatred consumed his whole face. "One day Potter…one day,"

James waves off the threat and pulls me close, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Anything else?" I ask, knowing I'm being cruel but not feeling remorse anymore.

Severus looks like he might either hit me or cry, maybe he'll do both.

I don't find out what his reaction will be because Regulus comes up and drags him off, refusing to even make eye contact with me or James.

"So, Ferris wheel?" James asks. "I want to head off soon and I think we've done pretty much everything else, except the kissing booth,"

I roll my eyes. "There is no kissing booth,"

James winks. "Should we change that?"

I ruffle his hair and start towards the Ferris wheel.

"It's not even nine yet though," I whine, once we're in our own little carriage.

James pulls me closer. "I know babe but tonight is going to be a bad one, Sirius is already angry at me that I'm here."

"But you don't go until later usually anyway," I point out.

"I know, Sirius is going into mother hen mode and feels like if Remus misses out then we should too,"

I raised my eyebrows. "Sirius has mother hen mode?"

James smirked. "Believe it or not when it comes to people he cares about he tends to over react and gets a bit overly protective."

I snuggled in closer. "Well I'm glad you came, even for a little bit."

"Me too. Hey, is that Violet riding on the carriage below us by herself?"

I looked down and sure enough there Violet was, snapping pictures of the view, sitting all by her lonesome.

"Is she talking to you yet?" James asked.

I shook my head. "Nope, she spends every day by herself now,"

James sighed. "What a mess of a situation."

I kissed him on the cheek. "I know."

"Where's Carla tonight?"

I indicated the ground below us. "Having a girls night since Sirius bailed."

"Is she mad?"

I shook my head. "She understands it's for Remus, she made Sirius promise to wake her when he got back in though."

James grinned. "Glad you're not in the same dorm room now?"

I laughed. "You have no idea."

Slowly the Ferris wheel came to a stop and I wrapped my arms around James, enjoying the warmth of his body.

"I gotta go babe," he told me regretfully.

"I know, give him some love from me ok? I'll be there at dawn."

"Don't go kissing any boys," he told me sternly.

I pressed my lips against his briefly. "I'm going to try and see if I can get through to Violet again."

James gave me one last squeeze as we got off. "Looks like we're both in for a fun night."

"Wanna trade?" I joked.

James chuckled. "I'll take werewolf over moody girl any day."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I'll see you later."

"Love you,"

"Love you too,"

With a final peck, we parted ways, setting out to achieve our personal goals.

*

Violet had pretty much brushed me off the second I'd tried to talk to her and coax her back into a friendship with fairy floss and friendly smiles. She'd told me that she was busy and didn't have time to talk to anyone.

Unfortunately for her, I refuse to be ignored so even though I didn't try to approach her again, I kept her within my sight and followed wherever she went, hoping I could irritate her into talking to me.

No such luck. Violet continued on although no one else existed. It fascinated me as I watched her, that she seemed to be on her own personal mission. She bought everything in excess, making sure she had plenty of candy, plenty of soft drink and plenty of the novelties. I had no idea what she was going to do with all of this stuff, start her own fair?

As I watched her spend ten minutes on one ride, trying to win the major prize Carla came bounding up with Alice and some of the girls.

"What you doing?" she asked, bouncing up and down.

"Someone give you red lollies?" I asked playfully.

She held up her frozen raspberry drink. "Frank got it for me."

I turned to Frank. "So you're the one that's going to have to be responsible for her sugar high."

Frank looked horrified. "I didn't know, I swear!"

I laughed and ruffled his hair. "Relax, from what I hear Sirius is coming to burn some energy off later on."

Carla stuck her tongue out at me. "You're just jealous!"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, you caught me."

"What were you doing here by yourself anyway?" Alice asked.

"Looking out for Violet," I replied.

"Well you'd want to be looking elsewhere then, she's not here,"

I looked over their heads and found that she had indeed disappeared. Damn it. I would be the world's worst spy.

"Is she in trouble?" Carla asked, face taking a more serious turn.

I sighed. "No, I just wanted to try and see if she'd welcome some company,"

"No luck?" Alice asked gently.

I motioned to the now Violet free stall. "No luck,"

"Well, at least you tried. Do you want to come ride the haunted house thing with me?" Carla asked excitedly.

"You're not going to use this as an excuse to get me to second base right?" I reply with a grin.

Carla winks. "That depends how you play your cards."

I giggle and link my arm in hers. "Alright Sirius, let's do this."

Carla shrugs. "I'll take that as a compliment."

The night wore on and every single person looked like they were having the time of their lives, we rode the rides, we pet the animals, we ate way too much food and we laughed like we were just normal teenagers having a night out.

I felt like I was just a regular school girl, not someone whose life was potentially going to be cut short. This was the best feeling in the world. Sometimes, ignorance was bliss.

Dumbledore was right, this was exactly what everyone needed, a reminder that life may be short, but it was also beautiful.

As the fete ended, I hugged my friends good night, a big smile on my face and headed to my dorm to wait for the dawn and the beginning of a new day.

I didn't get much sleep, I was too hyped up, too excited from the nights events and too nervous for how bad Remus would be when he was carried out of the shrieking shack.

As the sun began to slowly peek its head over the horizon, I grabbed James' invisibility cloak and made my way down to the whomping willow, being very careful not to make any noise or been seen.

As I rushed down to wait, I froze and nearly stumbled as I realized there was already somebody waiting at the entrance, anxiety began to flood my system as I drew closer.

Hearing my foot steps they turned to me and smiled tightly. "Hello Lily,"


	33. Chapter 33

Hey pretty ones :)  
Just an insanely short one for you, just to break the suspense, I'm getting my lap top fixed this week so it's going to be a couple days before I can even get a chance to write again.

Thanks to all that read my story and to the reviewers who have become my sunshine when everything else seems dark, thank you so, so much. Shout outs go to;

**DelightfulSmiles, Tweetiekins, hpdreamer500, Merope Firpo, XXJAMESLILYXX, Ellie 3, shroomy-eyes, Opa12, hptwilightlvr, supacrazyhazey, VampyreGirl23, Psychokillerhoney, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, Adorkably Adorkable, potter06, BubbleLove1234, The DA is dressed to the nines, hello-goodbye146, xheheitssamx, Lizzi1990, Lilyflower33, ravenclawLupin11, amnazing, LiLoveheart, The-Ruby-Butterfly, Skylar Jones, dreamingofsunshine.**

I have a lot of love for you all  
xxx

* * *

JAMES

_Sirius do something_! I thought frantically, hoping Sirius would get my mental panic.

Why the hell didn't this whole animagus thing come with the ability to communicate with fellow animagi through thoughts?  
Fortunately Sirius didn't need any freaky mind tricks, he too, was nervous and scared by Wolf-Remus's antics.

Currently he lay on the floor, howling non stop, eyes moist as he scratched deep bloody gouges into his own body.

This was the calmest he'd been all night, we'd watched him do everything possible to try and hurt himself, maybe

even kill himself, not even aware of our presence unless we tried to stop him, in which he would just gently shrug us

off and go back to his self destructive nature. Was Remus responsible for this? Had he finally discovered how to

control the beast and was trying to end the curse once and for all?  
Not on our watch.

Sirius crept up on the left and I crept to the right and together we pushed against wolf-Remus, using our weight to

hold down his paws and pressing our heads together against his to keep his teeth and mouth away from biting us or

reaching himself. Wolf-Remus thrashed around frantically, not trying to hurt us, just trying to throw us off. Sirius and I

remained strong, holding steady to our positions, keeping Wolf-Remus restrained. Our muscles began to cramp, to

shake, the effort we were exerting to keep Wolf-Remus from hurting himself was taking its toll on us but neither of us

would back down, that's what you did for your best friends, you cried with them and you hurt for them.

Slowly Wolf-Remus began to stop thrashing and began to shake instead, convulsing in huge waves, when I heard the  
tell-tale crunching I k new dawn had arrived and Remus was about to return to normal. We stayed in our positions

until we felt cold, damp skin being pressed against us. I looked down to see Remus, bloody, sweaty and worn,

shaking as he curled himself into a tight ball and sobbed. I turned to Sirius who cocked an ear and whined, I nodded

in return, it hurt me to see him like this too. With a nod at each other we transformed back to our regular forms and

sat down next to Remus who was sobbing so heavily now his whole body was jerking with the effort.

"You're ok mate," I told him soothingly as I wiped away the blood, sweat and tears from his face and chest.

"N-never e-ends," he whimpered, curling into his ball tighter so it was near impossible for Sirius and I to lift him.

I sighed, what was I meant to say to him? There really was nothing I could do to comfort him, nothing that would

appease the injustice that had been inflicted upon him.

It broke my heart every month having to witness the utter destruction of Remus's resolve and strength. One day I

was going to cut the teeth out of Fenrir Greybacks mouth and then I was going to stab him with them. I would make

him feel every single once of pain Remus has ever felt, and then I would let Remus finish him off.

"Do you want me to take my shirt off?" Sirius stage whispered.

Remus almost smiled and slowly unrolled himself from his body. "Not…that…desperate,"

Sirius shrugged and put one of Remus's arms around his shoulder as I did the same. "Invitation is always open, you'd be surprised how much better it might make you feel."

I rolled my eyes. "Padfoot, you do realise Carla is competing for your love against yourself right?"

Sirius blew a raspberry at me as we slowly made our way out of the tunnel, Peter squeaking in front of us.

It took us longer than usual to get Remus out this time as he had no strength to help us out in anyway so we had to  
completely hold his weight and move as gently as we could for him, whilst making our way out to the light.

When we finally got out, I blinked several time to adjust to the sunlight which was now beginning to light up everything around us and bring a warmth. In front of me stood three people. Worm tail, Lily and Violet.

My mouth dropped.

Violet stood by a floating matress that had balloons tied to it and streamers decorating it. Beside the bed were two floating tables, one filled with cotton candy, pop corn, soft drinks and other sweets from the fete, and the other holding an assortment of prizes that Violet must have spent merlin knows how much time trying to win. She'd done what we couldn't do; brought the Fete to Remus and given him hope just by showing up, proving her acceptance.

I looked to Lily who stood a little further away. "Did you do this?" I asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, this was all Violet, I pretty much stalked her tonight and she didn't even try to enjoy herself, her mission was Remus and Remus only."

Violet raised her eyebrows at Lily who shrugged. "I got bored after James left."

I looked down to Remus who was staring at Violet like she was a beautiful dream he was scared he was about to

wake up from.

"Violet?" he managed to croak.

"Shh," Violet replied and stepped forward, with a glass of water. "Drink this, then we'll get you some rest."

Remus burst into tears and stumbled forward, losing his balance. I rushed forward but Violet beat me to it and

steadied Remus, wrapping her arms around him and stroking back his hair.

I turned to Sirius who looked incredulous and horrified at the knowledge that he now owed one _hell_ of an apology to Violet.

"I didn't think…I can't believe...you did this all for me?," Remus gasped as Violet helped him onto the bed, which looked much more comfortable than our usual stretcher.

"Of course I did," she told him softly, climbing onto the bed next to him and curling herself around him. "I have a rotten way of showing it but I love you. I'm so sorry for how I acted…"

Remus pressed his head against Violets shoulder. "This makes up for it."

Violet smiled and with a flick of her wand the bed began to move, moving up and around in a big circle; just like a Ferris wheel.

"I tried to bring some animals, but they wouldn't allow me to borrow any, can you imagine?"

Remus smiled and closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Violet, drifting into a peaceful sleep for the first time after a full moon.

Peter, Sirius, Lily and I followed after them slowly, trying to allow them as much privacy as possible.

"This sucks!" Sirius whined. "I'm going to have to buy her a whole damn flower shop to make up for this one."

Lily giggled. "I think Violet would just appreciate a simple 'I'm sorry I was wrong,' from what I hear they are the rarest thing ever coming from you."

Sirius scowled. "You sound just like James, you guys need to stop spending so much time together."

"What for?" I asked. "Now I have someone to tag team with when arguing with you, twice the chance of winning now."

Sirius pulled a dark face at us and stalked ahead, Peter gave us a small smile and hurried to catch up.

"What a night huh?" Lily asked.

"What a night indeed," I agreed. "At least it got a happy ending,"

I pulled Lily closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

LILY

Note to self; prove Sirius wrong more often just so I can watch him stutter his way through an apology; this was by far the best part of tonight. Clearly Sirius wasn't joking when he said he never apologised because for five minutes now he'd just been a stuttering nervous wreck as he tried to find the words to tell Violet how wrong and sorry he was.

"Start simple," I whispered as he took his hundredth deep breath.

"Violet," he began slowly and clearly.

"Yes Sirius?" Violet replied, clearly amused.

"What I said to you today, was wrong and completely not true. I was…you see Remus is my…so I had to…so yeah…I'm really sorry and I hope that you don't hate me too much."

Violet smiled and moved forward to give Sirius a hug. "Apology accepted Sirius, I'm glad Remus has such loyal friends to look after him."

Sirius sagged into her arms in relief. "Oh you beautiful girl, thank you! Could you maybe…not tell Remus about what I said?"

Violet raised an eyebrow. "Is the great Sirius Black afraid of Remus Lupin and his temper?"

Sirius shivered. "I'd rather take on wolf-Remus then get in the way of Moony protecting you."

Violet turned and smiled at the sleeping Remus affectionately. "He's something special huh?"

"What made you come here tonight?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

Violet's smile faded. "The whole time I shut you guys out and just had myself for company I was miserable and I hated myself for how I acted but was too humiliated to say anything to you and I realised that's how Remus must feel all the time. I couldn't stand the thought of him missing out on the fete and I couldn't stand the thought of him hating himself because of me. I'm usually too stubborn for apologies so this was the next best thing."

I looked around the hospital wing that had been transformed into a mini fete and smiled at Violet kindly. "I think this is a damn good apology."

"Thanks, and listen, about how I've been acting and how immature and…"

James held his hand up to silence her. "Like Evans said, that was a damn good apology and you gave Remus the peace we've struggled for years to give him, trust me, we owe you."

We looked over at Remus who was sleeping pretty peacefully, he still looked worn, sick and battered, but there was a small hint of a smile on his face too and his body was relaxed.

Violet moved over and sat next to Remus who stirred faintly before curling his body around hers and pressing a lazy kiss to her arm.

Sirius grinned. "Half dead, half asleep and my man still has the moves, that's impressive."

Violet rolled her eyes. "You bounce back quickly Sirius,"

Sirius shrugged. "Life's too short to stay miserable, live the dream I say,"

"And what's your dream?" I ask wryly.

Sirius grins. "I believe she's waiting for me to come wake her up, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make my

dream a reality, if you hear any loud noises…high five me later."

Violet and I both grunted our disgust while James and Peter fought hard not to smile.

"That's disgusting," Violet whispered, stroking Remus's cheek. "And way too much sharing."

Sirius scoffed. "You're joking right? You girls go into way more detail than us, we give the over view where you girls practically try to re enact the damn thing so your friends can analyse every single moan and facial feature."

I felt myself blush and noticed Violet doing the same.

"On that happy note, I'm off, come on Wormtail,"

Peter looked hesitant to head back to the dorms with what he knew was about to happen so I stepped forward and picked up two pieces of pop corn and charmed them into ear plugs.

"Here you go Peter, that should last you a couple hours,"

Peter smiled in appreciation and both boys set off.

"We better get some sleep too," James said. "We've got a Prefect meeting tomorrow to discuss how the fete went and what other event we can organise before school ends,"

I moved forward to hug Violet. "Yeah, it looks like you've got everything covered, and we'll need our strength to face that lot."

Violet smiled at us and then lay down next to Remus, curling her body around his firmly. "Sleep tight guys, see you later on,"

James pecked Violet on the cheek. "Thank you, really,"

Violet blushed and remained silent so James took my hand and with a final wave we left Remus and Violet to themselves.

We crawled into James' bed together and I cuddled up to him, laying on head on his chest with one arm by my side and the other tracing his soft lips.

"I can't believe it's nearly over," James murmured. "School, life as we know it, it's all going to end soon,"

I smiled. "And then you and Sirius are going to have to grow up,"

James chuckled. "No chance of that love,"

I sighed. "I know, I wasn't banking on it anyway,"

"What are we going to do without Hogwarts? It's been like our home for so long, I can't imagine not getting on that train anymore,"

I don't have an answer really because there is something we both know yet neither have said aloud, and that's that Hogwarts has been our armour, our protector and once we leave we're going to be exposed, we're going to become targets and we're going to literally have to fight for our lives.

"Maybe you can deliberately fail and just repeat?" I finally suggest.

James kisses the top of my head. "And leave you on your own? Not a chance Evans,"

"Guess I'm stuck with you then huh?"

"Until death do us part," James replies dramatically but something about the saying turns my insides cold.

I sigh. "It's been a good year though, dramatic as all hell, but a good year. I have the best friends in the world, I actually realised I was in love with you, I've grown up heaps and I feel happy and content for the first time in a long time."

"Why do you sound so sad then?" James asked, stroking my hair.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation, the peace and the love before ruining the moment.

"Because nothing good ever lasts for long."


	34. Chapter 34

Hey lovelies :D  
My laptop dude couldn't look at my laptop until tomorrow so i figured i'd use this time to update a bit for you since now it really will be a few days until i get it back.

Good to be back and finally feeling slightly like myself again. Bring on next year is all I can say! This chapter is somewhat uneventful but I actually kinda like it because after this it's going to start picking up which means war :(.  
Hoping everyone is well and life is being kind.

To my favourite reviewers ever; **Adorkably Adorkable, shroomy-eyes, XXJAMESLILYXX, Lilyflower33, hello-goodbye146, hpdreamer500, supacrazyhazey, VampyreGirl23, Opa12, LiLoveheart, amnazing, The-Ruby-Butterfly, hptwilightlvr, creepy123, KatieMAGICLove, The DA is dressed to the nines, tweetiekins, FaithfulHPReader, dreamingofsunshine.**

Thank you, you beautiful, kind people. As always, this chapter is for you.

* * *

JAMES

"Exams! How did they creep up on me so fast!" I tilted my head back to look up at Lily sitting behind me, puckering my lips up.  
Lily rolled her eyes but gave me a quick peck. "Because you've spent all your energy on pranks or the Order and procrastinated any type of study or revision."

I pouted and crossed my arms. "Well…I had Quidditch too which we totally dominated by the way your welcome Griffindor, so it's not like I wasn't busy."  
Lily shook her head. "You're not getting sympathy from me Potter, I've been trying to tutor you for months, but instead of learning you've turned those sessions into trying to seduce me."  
"It worked though didn't it?" I counter with a devilish grin.  
"The thought of you failing and being free of you allowed me to give in," she replied with her own grin.  
I jump up with my text book and grab Lily up with me. "I've told you before Evans, you're not getting rid of me that easily, if I have to seduce the whole faculty to pass, I'll do it."  
Lily laughed. "You wouldn't,"  
I raise my eyebrows. "Don't ever under estimate what I will or will not do for you Evans,"  
Lily shudders. "Oh ew, I just got images!"  
I yank her towards the two bean bags with a little table. "Come on, quiz me."  
Lily sighs, but settles herself on the bean bag, opening a Transfiguration book.  
"I don't need help in Transfiguration," I tell her a little condescendingly. "I think I have that down pat,"  
"Your cockiness might be the end of you," she warns.  
"Ok, I'll humour you, give me your best shot," I reply.  
Lily scans the book then finally grins. "I want you to turn that throw pillow over there into a cat and then into a bed,"  
I pick up the throw pillow and move it to a spot where there is enough space, lazily I flick my wand and then a beautiful Persian cat is grooming itself in it's place.  
Lily looks to be slightly in disbelief. "You're only half done,"  
I nod and then, showing off a little I turn my back and aim my wand over my shoulder. Lily gasps and I turn around and there now stands a white four poster bed with lace hangings.  
"Care to join me?" I ask as I dive into the middle of the bed.  
Lily looks at me like she's never seen me before.  
"Have I proven my point?" I ask.  
Lily shakes away her trance and scowls at me slightly. "Point taken smart arse, let's move onto potions."  
That wipes the smirk off my face, Potions was Lily's best subject…and my worst.

"Can't be start with Charms first?" I ask in my most persuasive tone.  
Lily smirks. "You want to be an Auror which means you need to get an Exceeds Expectations,"  
"If I pass I'll be exceeding expectations," I murmur darkly.  
Lily swats at me with the book. "Cut the pity party and let's get down to it ok?"  
"You're very sexy when you're dominating," I tell her with a wink. "Do you want to whip me, get the hand cuffs out maybe?"  
Lily sighs and presses her fingers to her temple, praying for patience. "You're going to fail,"  
"Miss Evans! As a teacher you're meant to believe me in when no one else does, not just give up so easily."  
"I'm realistic," Lily replies. "And I don't believe in lying,"  
I grin. "Well, since I'm doomed to fail, what do you say we go straight to the handcuffs?"  
Before Lily can reply we hear pounding on the portrait opening and the mirror in my pocket starts to vibrate and heat up. Sirius. I really need to smash the damn mirror or stop taking it with me everywhere!  
I pull the mirror out but Lily takes it off me and grins in to it. "For once your timing couldn't be more perfect Sirius, I can honestly say I've never be more grateful for your interruption,"  
"Uh oh," Sirius replied. "That means Prongs is gonna kill me,"  
Lily turns to me. "Sirius just got you out of studying for Potions,"  
I grab the mirror and kiss it and Sirius yelps as if I've actually hit home. "Jesus! Being cooped up has driven you both crazy, good thing I'm here to break you out, we're going to go have a picnic by the lake, all this studying is making me dull, today I actually told Carla I couldn't wash her hair for her because I wanted to study, god I disgust myself!"  
Lily leans down and grins at Sirius. "Well, we can't have that now, can we? We'll be there soon Sirius,"  
Sirius regaining some of his composure winked at Lily. "Don't make me wait too long fire fly."  
"Fire fly, really?" Lily asks before swiping her hand over the mirror four times severing the connection.  
"Well, how unfortunate, I was really, really looking forward to getting stuck into Potions, but who am I to deny Sirius from losing his mind?"  
Lily rolls her eyes at me. "Yeah, yeah, let's just get out of here Mr. Studious,"

I grab her waist and swing her into my arms.

"Who needs to be brainy when I've got all this brawn?"

Lily giggles and pokes my muscles as we head out to meet Sirius who raises his eyebrows at us.  
"Gee, get a room,"  
I give him a grin. "We had one and you insisted on ruining it,"  
Sirius clasps me on the shoulder as we begin to walk. "If I remember correctly Prongs, Evans thought my timing was perfect and was more glad to see me then get busy with you."

I smack Sirius hard on the shoulder and he gets the hint and shuts up. We walk the rest of the way out to the ground in silence, Lily still in my arms, Sirius humming softly under his breath.

Our usually group are sitting on a big picnic blanket waiting for us. Frank and Alice are setting out all the food, Peter and Carla are playing a ridiculous hand clap game and Remus is braiding flowers into Violets hair whilst she lays her head in his lap.  
It's the simplest picture of peace and contentment and it makes me want to cry.

"Finally tore the love birds from their love nest huh?" Carla asks, still clapping away.  
Sirius snorts. "Hardly, Evans was way more interested in me,"  
Carla raises an eyebrow at Sirius and he quickly tacks on. "But I told her I was taken babe, I made sure she knew I was madly in love with you and there was no amount of ego stroking that would change that,"  
Lily looks ready to rip Sirius's throat out so I hold her firmly in my arms whilst Carla looks serious, then starts to giggle.

"Sirius my love, the day Lily comes onto you is the day I run away with Severus Snape,"  
"That's not something to joke about," I tell her darkly as I sit down, arranging Lily in my lap.  
Lily sighs. "He's not all bad James,"  
I put a finger over her lips to silence her. "Let's change the subject before we get into the same argument, what's to eat guys? We have to go meet up with the other Prefects later to finalise the end of exams ball,"  
"I'm going to have to wear dress robes aren't I?" Sirius moans.

I nod. "Yep, we all are,"

"Be excited," Carla tells him. "I'm going to wear a pretty dress and look absolutely stunning,"

"You're always stunning," Sirius tells her like it's a fact, not compliment.

"Just think," Lily adds. "You can get Carla _out_ of her pretty dress later,"

Sirius grins broadly. "Evans you are speaking my language now, bring on the ball!"

We all chuckle at Sirius and dig into the spread that's been set up for us. It looks delicious, we have pumpkin pasties, sausage rolls, roast chicken, salad, some fruit, butter beer and bread with colourful sprinkles that Lily tells me is called fairy bread. It tastes even better than it looks.  
I'm through my sixth sausage roll when Sirius breaks the peaceful silence we've settled into.

"Worm tail, why haven't you invited your girlfriend to the picnic? Surely you're tired of being the seventh wheel?"

Peter goes deathly pale. "What girlfriend?"  
"The one Jimmy caught you with that night, the Slytherine girl, you still haven't introduced us, we're not gonna bite her you know,"

"I don't have a girlfriend," it's barely a whisper.

"Life mate, partner, squeeze, bed warmer, missus, take your pick of words, where is she?"  
"She isn't my girlfriend," Peter snaps and jumps up to stalk away.

We all stare at him in shock.

"Bad break up?" Violet suggested.  
"Bad taste to begin with," Frank added to which Alice nudged him reproachfully.

"See what you women do to us," I said dramatically.

Lily, Carla, Alice and Violet raise their eyebrows as one and cross their arms.

Sirius, Remus, Frank and I quickly lower our heads and focus on our food, this was one battle we knew we would never win.

"Have you got your dress yet?" Violet asks, thankfully taking the attention off us.

Carla's eyes light up. "Had it for months, it's _gorgeous, _what about you?"  
"Just got it last week, little tighter than I usually wear but it was too pretty not to get, Alice how about you?"

Alice smiled shyly. "I'm wearing a dress I've had for ages, it's one of Frank's favourites,"  
"Aww," all the girls chorus as one as the rest of us boys try to figure just what is so damn cute about a dress.

"Well, as riveting as this conversation is, Evans and I must go face the wolves, coming Frank?"

Carla, Violet and Alice pout at me but I stand strong. "Sorry ladies, Evans can gush over your girly stuff later I promise,"  
Carla sighed. "Fine, ruin our fun be a nerd, whatever,"

"I am not a nerd," I tell her defensively.

Lily puts her hand on my arm to calm me down and I take a deep breath and bite down on my tongue hard.

"See you later," Lily tells them blowing them all kisses before skipping off and pulling me and Frank with her.

"I'm not a nerd," I tell her, still sulking as we get to the classroom.

Lily smiles indulgently at me. "I know Potter, you're the biggest bad there ever was,"

I grin broadly, pleased. "Don't you forget it!"

We walk into the classroom and stop smiling when we see all the Prefects already waiting, I check my watch and we're not even late.

"Jesus Christ guys, would it kill you to actually be on time?" I ask.

"Would it kill _you_?" Audra snaps back.

I turn to her and just grin. "I still have ten minutes before I'm meant to be here and I think what you meant to say was 'thank you Potter for another week in Muggle Studies,"

Audra's mouth dropped. "But it's exams next week, I need to study,"

I smile sweetly at her again. "You're welcome Audra,"

With a look from Zane she shuts up and just death glares me.

"So, how are we all?" Lily asks, trying to ease the tension.

Several mumbles answer her.

"Great! Well, we won't keep you long, I know we're all meant to be studying for exams. We basically just wanted to make sure everything was going to run smooth for the ball and that everyone was clear on what was happening,"

"Could you maybe run through it again?" the Ravenclaw girl asks, but she's looking at me so Lily sits back to let me take over.

"Basically we have our exams which will wipe us out so this is going to be our reward for the hard work. All exams finish Thursday afternoon so Friday night is the ball. It starts at six and will take place in the Great Hall and also the gardens will be set up too, teachers will be patrolling so I suggest you make use of the bushes and keep the noise to a minimum. Each of us is going to be responsible for helping set up, us boys are going to meet at the great hall Thursday evening to do the heavy lifting and make sure there's nothing in the way of the exits, the girls are going to meet Thursday morning and do the decorations and approve the menu. Any other questions?"

Audra raises her hand.

"What?" I snap.

"Is this a date thing? We have to take someone from the school?"

Lily answers for me. "The choice is up to you who you bring and what you do with your night, so you're not going to be forced to consort with mudbloods like me therefore you have nothing to complain about, we clear?"

Audra looks shocked by Lily's reply and barely manages a nod.

That's my girl.

"When does the Ball end and what's the dress code again?" Zane asks.

"There's no finish time, Dumbledore agreed we all deserved a big night and we have Saturday to sleep through so that's up to you and it's dress robes for boys, formal wear for girls," I reply with a smile.

Zane returns my smile and settles back into his chair.

"Here's all the details, I wrote it all down with how to find either James or myself if you have any issues or just want to talk," Lily tells everyone with a smile, handing the pile of papers out to everyone but Audra who she lets pick hers up from the floor.

Audra glares at her and Lily smiles sweetly. "Didn't think you'd want my kind to touch you, figured the floor was more suited to you,"

Audra looks like she would love to curse Lily but Zane stomps on her foot, so instead she gets up and slightly limps out of the room.

"Any other questions?" I ask, amused.

"We're good," Frank replies.

"Awesome, back to studying, or finding anything to keep you from studying," I say and everyone chuckles quietly, then leave the room bidding both Lily and I friendly farewells.

"I think they've finally warmed to us," I say to Lily.

Lily sits next to me and rests her head in the curve of my shoulder. "It's only taken all year, and I haven't made Audra cry yet,"

"You can spill something on her dress at the ball," I suggest.

Lily giggles. "You sure you weren't a girl in your past life?"

I toss my imaginary head of hair. "I would have been the hottest girl out,"

Lily laughs even harder and pulls me up. "Come on then Jamilla, we got some studying to do,"

LILY

Time never stopped, never slowed, never had any consideration for those of us that wanted moments to freeze and our ignorance and happiness stretch for as long as possible. Time had no conscience and didn't discriminate against anyone, it simply just moved on at a steady pace, expecting us to keep up. I sighed as I waited at the entrance of the Great Hall for the girl Prefects to show up to help me decorate, I was praying they did show up, I had my Potions Exam in two hours and if I have to do the decorating myself I was either going to miss the exam or leave the hall a mess, I wasn't comfortable with either option.

"Looking for some company?"

I turned towards the voice of Hufflepuff Prefect Araiya Mathews and sighed in relief.

"God yes, thank you so much for showing up,"

The Ravenclaw Prefect Zahlia Bawl stepped out from Araiya's shadow. "You didn't think we'd let you do this alone right?"

I shrugged. "I didn't really expect anyone to show up, I k now I'm not your favourite person…"

Araiya started laughing. "Oh Lily, we don't _not_ like you, well…I guess envy sometimes gets the better of us since you did score James Potter, are Head Girl and have curves to die for, but we like you just fine. Besides, we're not so petty that we'd neglect our Prefect duties,"

"Thanks, that really means a lot, and I don't have curves to die for, have you seen your legs? Or even your hair Zahlia, _amazing_,"

The girls laugh and that's it, with our exchange of compliments the awkwardness is gone and the invisible barrier smashed, no wonder Sirius had girls throwing themselves at him, compliments will get you everywhere.

"Shall we?" Araiya asks. "I don't think sour puss is coming,"

"Mind your tongue or I'll cut it out,"

We all spin around and there stands Audra, bleary eyed, bitter, but very much there and therefore willing to help.

"Audra, you made it," I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.

"I'm here so I don't get detention, not for you and not for this stupid ball. Give me a task as far away from you as can be so I can get the shit done and go,"

I sigh, maybe compliments didn't work on everyone. Without another word I step into the hall and the girls follow. Wow. It already looks sensational. There are statues messily pushed up against walls that the boys will no doubt need to set up later, same with the stage. The chandelier is shining and crystals are draped across the ceiling which will no doubt light up later. In the centre of the room are banners of each of our houses, and streamers, glittery tapestries and other assortments of beautiful trinkets which we will have to use to decorate.

I point to the huge pile of twinkling lights and silver and gold tinsel. "That can go around the bushes and seats in the garden, you can decorate that, far enough away from me Audra?"

Audra finds a massive box and throws everything in then snarls at me. "I could be on the other side of the world and it wouldn't be far enough away from you,"

I smile tiredly at her. "Get your 'shit' done and then go,"

Without another word Audra disappears.

"Should one of us help her?" Araiya asks.

I shake my head. "She wants help, she can ask for help. Now I think the big banners should be draped over the statues and have them as we first walk in, sort of like they're our chaperones if you get what I mean? Then I say pick a corner and decorate until your heart is content. Who's better with food assortments?"

Zahlia raises her hand. "My parents own a small restaurant, it's pretty popular,"

"Perfect, you go take care of the menu, then when you're done come help us,"

Zahlia grins and salutes me. "Yes ma'am!"

She races off and then it's just Araiya and me. "Alrighty, we can leave the ceiling stuff to the boys but let's get decorating with the rest,"

Araiya nods in a business like manner. "Let's do this,"

Again time flies, but this time, we fly with it, keeping pace, challenging time to keep up, to defeat us, to try and bring us down. We win against the clock and after an hour and a half the hall is looking beyond amazing.

Araiya comes bounding over and raises her hand. "Girl power, hell yeah!"

I slap her palm and swipe at stray hairs around my face. "We definitely owned this task that's for sure,"

"Do you think Dumbledore will excuse us from exams since we've done such a great job?" Zahlia asks hopefully.

As one we laugh. "No chance,"

"Just trying to keep the dream alive," Zahlia grins.

I get up and stretch my cramped muscles. "Well, I have Potions exam coming up so I'm going to have to head off, thank you so, so much for your help girls, you have done a superb job,"

Zahlia waves me off. "Yeah, yeah we're awesome, go kick some Potions butt!"

I grin and wave to both girls as I run out of the hall. "See you tomorrow night!"

*

I just make it to the dungeons in time and try to catch my breath as I wait for Professor Slughorn to call me into the room to take my final exam, ever for potions with one of the officials watching and judging me closely.

"Lily Evans," Slughorn calls, eyeing me with disapproval when he notices my messy hair and rumpled clothes, he probably thinks I've just rolled out of bed.

I walk into the room on slightly shaky feet, am I going to pass this? Have I studied enough? Will James be able to pass?

"Miss Evans, please take a seat at a station,"

I do as I'm told and find a cauldron already set up with ingredient strewn all over the counter top.

"Miss Evans, for your final assessment you are to make a successful Veratisum, a truth potion, we will test it at the end, you have an hour and a half,"

I almost punch the air, didn't I coach James in this last week? Someone out there must be looking after me. I inspect the ingredient on the counter and realise they've added wrong ones that are very similar to throw us off, I put them to the other side of the counter and then begin with my first steps, focusing hard on not making any errors and doing everything exactly text book like.

It takes me an hour and fifteen minutes to finish, and I'm a sweaty nervous mess as I raise my hand to signal the official over. Doubt works its way into my system as he scoops up some potion and dispenses it into a small vial. Maybe I added the arrow root too early, did I crush the vines properly? Was I meant to add that much juice?

I watch with sweaty palms as he takes a deep breath then takes a sip.

Professor Slughorn pulls out a piece of paper, presumably with some questions on it with answers.

"Is your favourite colour pink?"

"Yes, I recently painted my office," the official replies and then turns that colour as he realises what he's said.

"Well, well, well Miss Evans, can't say I'm surprised, always had an eye for talent, yes I do," Slughorn bustles in his pleased little way.

"Very well done indeed Miss Evans," the official tells me softly. "That will be all."

I nod and excuse myself from the dungeon, feeling a little pleased with myself and praying James does as well as I think I went.

I look down at my watch and sigh, three more exams to go and then I'm free. I force myself to head towards Defence Against the Dark Arts.

*

Turns out there is such thing as over preparing, the remaining of my exams were on the more basic stuff I had been quizzing James on, not the intricate, extremely difficult things I've been losing sleep for two weeks over. Go figure. I leave the Transfiguration classroom and then I freeze and lean against a wall for support. That's it, I'm done, that's the last exam I'll ever do, I've finished my seventh year, all I have to wait for is my results. The years I've put into this school to make something of myself have all led up to this moment and now I'm done. I slide down the wall and irrationally begin to cry, Hogwarts is my fort the teachers have become like my parents and I'm not prepared to leave, I'm not prepared to say goodbye and I am not prepared to face this world alone and homeless.  
"Hello pretty lady,"

I look up into James's beautiful face. "Hi,"

"You want to get some dinner?" he offers his hand.

This is why I love James Potter so much, he doesn't push me, he knows when I need to keep to myself and he doesn't expect me to do anything I'm not prepared to do.

I take his hand and his warmth envelopes me, I wrap my arms around his neck and he holds me close.

This is the moment I'd like to freeze forever.

The moment I found home.


	35. Chapter 35

Hey all, lap top still not back but i'm using my b estfriends thats why it took so long gotta write in dribs and drabs, its a longer one this time though and its a special early bday present for my dear friend Amanda :) hoping she is smiling heaps and gets soooo spoilt.

To those that have read; thank you. And to my reviewers whom without this story probably wouldn't ever get written, bless every single one of you, the love i have for you all cant ever really be described. Thank you and shout outs to;

**Jenny129, hpdreamer500, Tweetiekins, ravenclawLupin11, Lilyflower33, KatieMAGICLove, FaithfulHPReader, Psychokillerhoney, supacrazyhazey, Adorkably Adorkable, Ash, shroomy-eyes, -Scp-, hello-goodbye146, The DA is dressed to the nines, xheheitssamx, LiLoveheart, amnazing, dreamingofsunshine, RascalLil'Pixie, The-Ruby-Butterfly, Melora, hptwilightlvr.**

* * *

JAMES

"Bluff, are you even lifting this damn thing at all?" I huff as Zane and I attempt to move our fourth statue outside which Lily had kindly made heavier with her decorations.

"I'm putting my damn back out lifting Potter, next time can you tell Lily to decorate _after_ we move this stuff?"

"Zane, with any luck there won't _be_ a next time,"

We come to a stop and there is Lily standing in front of us. "The other statues look really great guys, but I think that one would look so much more amazing, just over there,"

Zane and I look over and she's pointing to a spot just beside a beautiful gazebo and it's not lost on me that there are five steps to get to that point. The weight intensifies and I realise Zane has just noticed the steps too and loosened his hold. Goddamn, he wasn't kidding about nearly breaking his back, until now I had no idea just how much weight he had been supporting. I grunt and place the statue on the ground as gently as I could.

"Evans, you're kidding right?" I gasp, massaging my arms, which if it weren't for the searing pain I wouldn't even know were there.

Lily turns her face up to me and pouts her already full lips. "I just want everything to look perfect, but I guess it would be ok if you left it here…"

I groan deeply knowing I won't be able to refuse and I'm going to have to make Zane help me.  
"Alright, we'll move the statue," I say in a resigned voice.

Lily beams brightly and pecks me on the lips. "Thank you! You're the best, see you tonight!"

She skips off and I sigh again. Zane looks at me and shakes his head with a grin. "You're pathetic man,"

I take my place at the side of the statue and as one we lift it, my knees nearly buckle with the effort. "Woman will be the death of me," I grunt as we struggle to get up even the first step.

Zane sends me a grin. "She going to help you out of your dress tonight too after your tea party?"

I bark out a laugh as we finally sit the statue down. "Shut up man,"

We descend the steps and have a look at our handy work. "Gotta give Lily credit though, it does look much better,"

Zane bursts out laughing. "You better go mate, you'll be late for picking out what wall paper for your house together, pink sound good?"

I clap my hand on his shoulder. "It's moments like these I remember you're a Slytherine,"

Zane throws his arm around my shoulders. "If Griffindor is all about getting in touch with their feminine side then I'll stay right where I am,"

I shove his arm off playfully. "Maybe I will have to curse you after all,"

Zane laughs at me again. "You're all right Potter, you know that?"

"I do know that, but thanks. You're pretty all right yourself too,"

Zane smirked at me. "You're not gonna kiss me now right?"

This time, I laughed. "You and Sirius should never be left alone together,"

"Too much awesomeness for you Potter?"

I shake my head and begin to head back to the dorm. "Too much ego for anyone my friend, hope the girls are satisfied with our effort, should we check in with the other guys?"

"Are you kidding? If they get it wrong and we have nothing to do with it then we can't get in trouble, you've got no idea how seriously the girls take this stuff, they'd murder for the perfect night,"

"Good thinking," I tell Zane as we both stop at the stair case that will separate us.

"See you tomorrow night then," he told me.

"Sure will, you got a hot date?" I replied.

Zane chuckled and headed down towards the dungeons, calling over his shoulder, "Who do you think you're talking to? Go pick out your wall paper with your woman,"

"I still owe you a curse!" I call back.

His echoing laughter is my reply.

*

"Oh…my…god! OH MY GOD!"

I rush towards Sirius's screams, wand raised, with just my towel wrapped around my waist. I find him standing in front of the mirror, dressed in his suit like robes, hair done to perfection.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

Sirius turns around in a slow circle. "Did you know I could look this good? I mean, I always knew I cleaned up well but god _damn_ this is just a whole new level of hot!"

My hands start to shake. "Are you serious right now?"

"Pretty sure I'm Sirius all the time mate,"  
"You screamed out…made me come running in just my towel to _admire_ you?"

Sirius grins sheepishly. "I didn't think you'd come running, I was just speaking to myself, you're not planning on wearing that right?"

I grunt in annoyance. "You're impossible, I'm going to get changed,"

I stalk back into my room and practically throw on my dress robes, traditionally black with a white vest and then turn to the mirror to assess my hair. Surprisingly it's not looking too bad tonight, hell, _I'm_ not looking too bad tonight.

I swivel around slowly and smile at my reflection. "James Potter, you are _so_ getting some make out time tonight."

There's a tentative knock on my door. "What's up Moony?" I call back and Remus walks in the room looking a little shocked.

"How did you know it was me?"

I grin at him. "No one else knocks,"

"Not even Lily?"

"Not unless I put a tie on the door,"

Remus shakes his head and it's only then that I actually pay proper attention to him. If I thought me and Sirius looked great, then Remus looked superb. He was wearing dark blue and white dress robes, his hair was styled nicely and he had colour in his cheeks, for the first time since well ever…he looks healthy, happy and even has a little glow about him.

"You look good mate," I tell him sincerely.

"Really? Violet picked them out," he replies a bit self consciously.

I clap him on the shoulder. "Really. Happiness suits you Moony,"

Remus smiles at me. "Evidently you too."

"Aw shucks Moony, you're gonna make me blush. Heard from Violet?"

Remus chuckles. "No more than you've heard from Lily, last I saw Violet she was rushing out on lunch to start getting ready,"

"Six hours, what can they possibly do for six whole hours!"

Remus shrugs. "One of the mysteries I guess, they always end up looking like heavenly beings though so we really shouldn't complain,"

"True," I agree. "How much longer do we have to go?"

Remus looked down at his watch. "Forty five minutes, where's Sirius by the way?"

I roll my eyes. "Playing 'who's prettier' with his reflection, where's Pete?"

"I should have known, Peter has gone to clear his head and that's all I know,"

"Strange boy," I commented.

Remus looked at me for a beat then replied. "Lately, yes."

*

"Sirius, you know what we agreed upon," I reminded him firmly.

Sirius sighed impatiently. "Yes, yes, no public groping or inappropriate actions, that's why you've set up the private gardens,"

"And?"

"I'm not to cause any mischief what so ever tonight,"

"Good boy, now stand tall I think I can hear heels,"

We all waited in anticipation by the stair case leading to the Great Hall and surely enough I was right. A few moments later they descended looking like they were floating, the very definition of perfection. Alice and Violet raced down the steps and right into Remus and Frank's, I allowed myself a smile then turned back just in time to see red hair flying towards me, I caught Lily at the last second and looked down at her perfectly made up face, the most beautiful girl ever.

"Miss me?" I asked.

"Just a little," she purred.

"_Prongs! _If I have to behave myself, so do you!" Sirius whined

I lowered Lily gently to the floor and admired her properly. She had her hair pinned with glistening butterfly clips that I swore were moving, only a few curls broke free and framed her face. Her dress was a v neck, black, form fitting gown that was backless with a butterfly at the bottom of the back line, holding it together, simple silver jewellery accompanied the outfit.

"I don't know how you do it," I whispered to her. "But you seem to get more and more beautiful, you're absolutely stunning,"

Lily smiles brightly at me. "You look pretty mouth watering yourself Potter, shall we go in?"

I offer my arm and she takes it without hesitation, letting me lead the way into the great hall.

"You really outdid yourself with the decorations," I tell her and she has. Colours burst into my view and blend so beautifully with the surrounding chandeliers and sculptures that it looks professionally done.

"I had help," Lily replies and waves at Araiya Mathews who points at Lily and mouthes 'wow'.

"New friends?" I ask casually, honestly surprised that the girls even acknowledged each other.

"Good girls," Lily replies and leads me to a table pushed at the far back where the Prefects are to be sitting, our chairs are in the middle with Griffindor covers on the chairs.

"Don't you want to dance? Go find other girls and shriek about how hot you all are?"

Lily laughs and motions to her shoes. "I have a good two hours before my feet swell up and I can no longer stand to walk, I'm pacing myself,"

I shake my head in disbelief. "Why did you bother wearing them then?"

Lily lifted her feet up and rested them on my lap. "Because they're so pretty!"

I sighed and patted her feet. "You're some kind of special Miss Evans,"

Lily smiles at me. "I'll take that as a compliment, ooh look the entrees are coming out!"

Sure enough in front of us were trays of vol e vants , canapés and mini sand wiches, and our glasses were now filled with bubbling liquids.

Lily sipped hers first. "Mmm tropical! What did you get?"

I gulp down my whole glass and cough slightly. "Cranberry,"

Lily grins broadly. "House elves clearly like me better,"

"Oh clearly,"

"Did you decide on a colour?"

I look up to Zane's grinning face and shake his hand in welcome.

"Colour for what?" Lily asks.

"Personal joke," Zane explains and then takes Lily's hand. "Looking beautiful Lily,"

"Thanks, you look good too, green suits you,"

Jealous reared its ugly head as I noticed the green did look fantastic on Zane and brought out his eyes, noticing my face Zane laughed.

"Relax Potter, you're still safe, I brought my own date,"

I look behind him and a sweet faced girl is standing by looking nervous.

"Lily, James, this is Kyla Chang, Kyla our head boy and girl James and Lily,"

Lily rushed forward to give the girl a big smile and offer her hand. "From Ravenclaw right? So lovely to meet you, you look so pretty, make sure Zane keeps his hands to himself,"

Kyla blushed but gave Lily a small smile and they started to chatter away about dresses, shoes, hair products and all the other insignificant things that have ruled their whole day.

"Ravenclaw huh?" I ask with a smile. "You have been a bad boy,"

Zane nods. "I know right? I bet they're trying to find a way to kick me out of Slytherine, I have not been a very good representative for them have I?"

I nod in mock seriousness. "You really haven't, not having pure blood heritage, fraternizing with the enemy and now showing up with a beautiful girl from Ravenclaw, you'll be lucky if they don't request a trial,"

Zane smiles and sits down in his chair which is next to mine. "Who cares? School's almost done, let's just have a good night, that will _really_ piss them off,"

I raise my glass in a toast. "Deal,"

*

Lily has managed to do it again, created another night filled with fun and happiness. I looked around the room and saw laughter and smiles everywhere, even the teachers were having a great time as they danced in their old school ways.

I spun around with Lily in my arms, my smile a permanent fixture of the night.

"How are the feet holding up?" I asked.

"Got about half an hour left," she replied.

Carla and Sirius who were dancing near by over heard. "I'm about half an hour over due," Carla told her.

"I offered to swap shoes," Sirius added and we all burst out laughing.

"Why did you say no?" Lily asked Carla.

"They don't go with my outfit," she answered, as if that explained everything.

"What if she had said yes?" I ask Sirius.

Sirius gestures to himself. "Anything looks good on me,"

"Sirius, shut up," Remus told him half heartedly as he spun Violet over.

"This is great!" Violet giggled. "Wish we had these every year!"

"God, I'd be in a wheel chair by now," I exclaimed.

"Wheel chair? Why?"

"Evans is a slave driver, I nearly killed myself and Zane today catering to her demands,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Did you break a nail too princess?"

I held up my hands. "Three actually!"

Remus chuckled. "How are you going to be photo graphed for graduation now?"'

I pull my face into over the top horror. "Evans! You've ruined me!"

Lily shoves me slightly. "Shut up idiot,"

"Where's Peter?" Violet asks curiously.

"Probably gone to get some fresh air," Sirius shrugs. "Or make up with his girlfriend who's not his girlfriend,"

"Speaking of fresh air," I add. "Want to get some Evans?"

We're greeted by a chorus of 'ooh's'.

Lily giggles. "Sure, I think I over estimated my feet anyway,"

I take her hand and lead her outside which, I have to admit looks like something out of a fairy tale. I lead her over to a special spot I picked out yesterday, hidden behind the bushes, statues and decorations it's a private spot with enough soft lighting to see but without being too bright.

I conjured up a big blanket and let it settle on the ground.

"After you," I say to Lily and she gives me the biggest grin before settling herself down on the blanket and then immediately takes her shoes off.

"Ooh," she murmurs.

"You alright?" I ask as I settle myself beside her.

"It just feels so good," she replies.

I grin and then move so that her feet are on my lap, I slowly start to massage the areas that feel tense and hard.

"Oh my love for you has never been deeper than right now," she says as she closes her eyes.

"Note to self, keep Evans in heels constantly,"

Lily kicks me gently. "Hey!"

I give her feet a final rub before moving back next to her.

"Stars are hiding tonight," she mentions before laying her head on my chest.

I press a kiss to her hair before joining her and looking up at the clouds hiding the stars from view.

"I love you," she whispers.

"I love you too," I reply and tilt her head up for a kiss.

"Isn't this adorable?"

I look to the voice and there is Sirius smirking with Carla, Remus and Violet.

"I guess we should have cloaked this too," I mutter and Lily smiles and indicates that everyone should come join us.

Sirius bounds down and takes a place right next to me, so we're shoulder to shoulder and Carla sits in between his legs. Remus takes a small corner and Violet sits on his lap.

"Dreary night huh?" Carla notes. "How are guys meant to get their mojo happening when the environment is giving them nothing to work with?"

"You really are perfect for Sirius," Remus replies with a smile.

Carla shrugs in reply.

"Graduation tomorrow," Violet muses.

"I know, why have the ball the day before graduation?" Sirius said.

"So we don't drink anything other than butter beer and don't stay up too late," I reply.

Sirius waves his hand to dismiss my comment. "Like that would stop us, if I was actually drinking to get drunk tonight I'd just make sure I stayed drunk during graduation so I wasn't hung over,"

Carla patted Sirius on the head softly. "Sometimes you just shouldn't speak,"

"Oh hey guys, look up now," Violet said in wonder.

When we look up again the clouds have separated slightly in the spot directly over our heads, a tiny piece of heaven sparkling into our view. There are six sparkling stars shining through.

I pull Lily tighter and smile up at the beauty breaking away from the bleak, together we all own a piece of the sky.

LILY

I stood still, stiff and poised. This was it. This was the moment I had begged for and now dreaded. My palms hurt from my nails digging in and my jaw was locked tight. This was coming way to fast, it was ending way too soon and I wasn't sure how to cope. I looked around at the smiling, some even tearful faces around me and exhaled a deep breath I wasn't even aware I was holding.

_You can do this, you can do this, just relax. It's ten steps and a hand shake, ten measly little steps and a hand shake._

I didn't work, I wasn't convinced. I took another deep breath and looked behind me, scanning the students clad in Griffindor colours to find him, James Potter. He stood there tall, proud and handsome as ever and as usual he ever missed a trick, he knew I was going to look for him, probably before I even knew and was waiting. He sent me one of his heart melting smiles and mouthed 'I love you', pathetic as it sounds, I already felt better.

I turned back to the front, just in time to hear Dumbledore call my name,

"Evans, Lily!"

With a final breath to calm my nerves I took slow, steady steps towards him.

In his hand he held my graduating parchment and my final results.

"Congratulations," he told me with a kind smile. "You should be very proud,"

I smiled back at him nervously. "Thank you Professor,"

With a handshake and transference of papers I made my walk to the students already waiting on the other side of the room. Each in their House's colours with their Head of House beaming proudly down at them, we were a rainbow of colours today, not our dreary black.

I watched and waited patiently as student after student mimicked my actions until finally there were no students left to be called.

"Congratulations to each and every one of you," Dumbledore began in a warm voice. "It has been an honour for me to teach you, to house you and watch you grow into capable and extraordinary young men and women. I, as well as your teachers, wish you not luck, but love. We know you will all go far, do not be afraid to reach for your dreams, that is of course how they become reality. In these trying years to come, I hope you all remember who you are and what really matters in life. Never lose your courage, your faith or your heart, these are your best weapons. Thank you all!"

I clapped as loud as I could and Dumbledore bowed, silent tears dropping into his beard as he smiled at us and waved us to go and greet our families.

I stood still again as I watched students flock to their proud families, chatting away at incredible speed and proudly showing off their certificates. Remus was smiling shyly as his parents hugged him close, his mother kissing him on the cheek almost out of impulse every few moments, Frank an d Alice were both practically bouncing as they talked to their parents, Violet was sobbing into her mother's arms, Carla and Sirius were no where to be found and either was Peter. I let my eyes linger a little longer and perhaps a little enviously at the family gatherings and then went to find my family and support unit.

"Guess you didn't fail after all,"

James spun around and swept me into his arms, holding me close.

"Are you ok?" I whisper.

"It just feels empty without them," he whispered back. "Thank god I have you,"

I squeezed tighter, knowing exactly what he meant. We couldn't share this moment with our parents, we wouldn't be getting proud hugs and teary smiles. But we had each other and really, it was all we needed to keep us going.

"I can't believe it's done, just like that," I say.

"I know, seemed to just fly past didn't it? Feels like just yesterday you were cursing me for winking at you,"

I start to laugh. "We've definitely come a long, long way since then,"

James pulls back slightly, but keeps an arm around my shoulders. "It will be a story to tell the grand kids,"

"And who says we're having kids?"

"Evans, it's inevitable, I'm an only child so I'm used to getting what I want and I've put a lot of thought into this,"

I smile at him as I lean into his chest. "Have you now?"

"Yup. We're going to have at least two grand kids and they'll be named after us, since our kids love us so much and we're going to be one big Potter family,"

"You do realise this all hangs on us getting married? I'm pretty sure I haven't agreed to that yet,"

James grinned and started to walk me out of the crowded room. "You will Evans, I'm very patient,"

"And what if I don't marry you until we're old and we never get to meet our grand children?" I inquire.

James shrugged. "They'll have our names so we will always be a part of them,"

"You have put way too much thought into this,"

James turned me to face him, his face very serious. "Don't you? Ever think about us I mean, as in having a future together?"

I bite my lip, lately that's all my dreams have been about, James, me and a raven haired baby giggling and living happily in a small cottage. James teaching our little boy how to fly. Me teaching him how to not follow so closely in his fathers disobedient foot steps.

I loathe these dreams. The more I had them, the more I wanted that future and the more it hurt me when I realised we may not even live long enough to see any child of our own grow up, let alone any grand children.

"I think about it," I murmur finally and James seems to relax a bit.

"Good, that's a relief. Do you want to get out of here, I'm feeling like I'm suffocating a bit,"

I open my mouth to agree but at that moment Araiya comes bounding over.

"Lily! Oh my gosh can you believe it's over? I mean we did it, we survived school, real world here we come! You have to promise to keep in touch ok?" she only then notices James and gives me a sly smile. "Invite me to the wedding too, if only so I can try and hook one of the groomsmen, deal?"

A huge lump rises in my throat and so instead of replying I pull her in for a hug.

"Didn't peg you for the hugging type but hey, I don't hate it! I better head off but I'll see you on the train ok? We can exchange numbers, addresses, whatever,"

"You bet," I croak and I force a smile as she hugs me one last time and skips off to find some other friends.

"Potter!"

James and I both whip around and Zane is heading towards us in his green and silver robes.

James grins and they both hug. "How'd they let you graduate?"

Zane grinned. "I paid them off, and you? You wouldn't have the kind of money to get you to pass,"

James smirks. "I slept my way to the top,"

"I hope you used protection," Zane replied seriously and then after a few beats of silence they burst out laughing and embraced again.

"You know, I'm actually gonna miss you man,"

Zane feigns embarrassment. "Oh shucks Potter right in front of your girl too? Guess it's no secret anymore,"

I chuckle. "I knew you were using me as a cover story,"

James ruffles my hair slightly. "You wish Evans, nothing could keep me from you or tempt me away,"

"Mushy again? That's my cue to bail, I'll see you on the train but?"

James nodded and punched his shoulder lightly. "Yep, go celebrate with the other snakes,"

Zane sighed and inclined his head to a group of Slytherine's that were giving him dark glares and whispering amongst themselves. "I'm not longer welcome, I'm gonna go find Kyla,"

James smirks. "Behave yourself Mr Bluff,"

Zane salutes James mockingly before heading away. "Yes sir!"

I turn into James and press a kiss into his throat before turning back to scan the crowd. Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe, that I was pressed in too tight. This was meant to be a defining moment in my life, I'm meant to be happy, meant to be nervous and excited for the future and I feel none of that. I feel only two things; terror and sadness.

I can't be apart of their happy day because I know what most do not; that this will be the last time we will all see each other alive, that we don't have bright futures ahead of us. I feel no hope towards new beginnings, the only glimmer of hope I feel is that we might make it out alive. If we're lucky. Maybe this is my defining moment, realising the real future I have ahead of me, knowing that now I have to grow up and put childish things behind me. Easier said than done, of course.

"Evans, are you ok?" James asks, brow furrowed in concern.

"I thought I was prepared," I say aloud more so to myself than to James. "I prepared myself for everything, except the end."

James grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. "This isn't the end Evans, this is the beginning,"

"How can you tell?"

"Because I won't let it be the end, I will not accept it nor tolerate it and that's that,"

I give him a small smile. "Brat,"

"Yes I am and proud of it, come on, let's go sneak into the kitchens I'll make you some cup cakes myself, pink icing sound good?"

I take his hand and kiss it. "I'll probably never deserve you,"

"I'm willing to spend the rest of my life proving you wrong,"

"Let's just start with today, but I'm open to the idea," I tell him as we squeeze past everyone.

James holds out his little pinky. "Ok, promise?"

I link my little finger with his. "Promise."

*

"All packed?" James asked as he poked his head in my room.

I sat in the middle of the room, feeling incredibly small and insignificant and gestured to my immaculately clean room.

"My whole life packed away in that trunk,"

James came over and tilted my chin up with his finger. "Evans, there is no way I could ever fit in that drunk,"

I actually smile…just a little. "Very funny smart arse, I'm trying to have a serious sentimental moment and you're mocking me,"

James sat down next to me, face blank, palms on his crossed knees, the perfect image of serious.

"Not at all Evans, please continue,"

I sighed, suddenly with his attention on me I felt stupid and like I was having a girly moment that he would never understand.

"I feel like the best part of me was moulded in Hogwarts," he tells me and I know he's telling the truth.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I grew up here you know? I had the best times of my life, the worst times of my life, met the best people, duelled with the worst but it made me who I am today. This isn't a good bye Evans, we're taking Hogwarts with us when we leave, this place is the heart of every student,"

I rest my head against his and sigh again. "I know, but I just…I've always prepared myself for everything, always had a back up plan and this year has just completely thrown me off course and I just feel…well, I guess i just never thought it would all end like this, this feels so final and ominous,"

James pressed a kiss to my forehead and wraps his arms tighter around me. "What makes you think this is the curtain call Evans? Why do you insist on this being the end?"

"Well, isn't it?"

"I don't think so. I think it can only ever be the end when there is no one left to create a better beginning. We're all living life like a book love, we've just completed one chapter and we're ready for the next."

"You're a lot wiser than you look, you know that?"

James gets up and pulls me up with him. "I'm choosing to take that as a compliment. Come on, it wouldn't do for the Head Boy and Girl to miss the train would it?"

I nodded and looked around at my beautifully furnished room, my home, my fort. I practically had to tear my eyes away, if it weren't for James warm pressure in my hand I could have stayed here forever.

"You ready?" he asks softly.

Not really. "Just don't let go of my hand ok?"

James smirks. "How am I meant to take both of our trunks down then?"

"You're going to carry my trunk down too?" I ask in surprised delight.

"Evans my love, I am nothing, if not a gentleman,"

I let out a little giggle. "Well, you get on that then, I'm going to go find the girls,"

James stares at me, mouth agape as I skip down the stairs. I'm still giggling as I hear him huffing and puffing his way after me.

*

"Last train ride ever, can you believe it?" Carla asked, flicking her dark hair behind her shoulders.

"It's definitely been a long time coming, yet came way too soon," Remus agrees, rubbing Violets back.

"I believe this calls for a celebration!" Sirius announced.

We all eyed him wearily, this should be interesting.

"What did you have in mind?" Peter asked tentatively.

Sirius grinned and slapped Carla's butt. "We should all close the blinds, get naked and just see where it takes us,"

We glare at him, the silence buzzing with our disapproval.

"Or we could just play exploding snap?" he tacked on lamely.

"Better," Frank told him with a grin.

"You'd have thought after seven years you'd have all loosened up a bit," he grumbled under his breath.

James chuckled. "You'd have thought you'd have grown up a bit mate and we have come far, Evans didn't even try to deck you,"

I give Sirius a slightly sinister smile. "That's true, but there's still time,"

"I'll stick to exploding snap thanks," he replied silkily.

"Good choice," I reply and move to sit on James's lap.

"Speaking of change and what not, our girl Lily here has definitely come leaps and bounds," Carla says proudly.

"Please, I have not," I reply.

"You really have Evans, this time seven years ago you were all cooped up with _Snivellous_ and began the small seed of dislike that blossomed into loathing for Jimmy boy here,"

Everyone laughed as I crossed my arms and pouted. James held his hand up for silence. "Come on now guys, that's not fair,"

I smile up at him gratefully.

"She never really loathed me, it was misplaced love,"

I smile disappeared and I scowled at him which made him smile even broader and plant a big kiss on my resisting mouth.

"It's been fun though," Violet comments, smiling at each and every one of us separately.

Alice kisses Frank on the cheek. "It's been the best,"

"So what now?" Peter asks a little fearfully. "What comes next?"

"Even better times," Remus replies. "We'll grow old together, the best is yet to come,"

I smile at him brightly, even as darkness pulls at my heart and threatens to swallow the happiness I feel.

"Do you actually think we'll stay in touch though?" Violet asked quietly.

Sirius burst out laughing. "Are you kidding? You can never get rid of us, once a Marauder, always a Marauder,"

"Hear, hear!" James agreed, clinking his pumpkin juice against Sirius's.

"When did we join the Marauders?" I asked the girls who shrugged.

"You don't _join_," Sirius told me, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You get very elite invitations and are welcomed in among us if you're very special,"

"Or have a decent body, pretty face and no opinions?" I added.

"Exactly, and you all made the list!"

I turned to Carla. "Was that a compliment?"

"The sad thing is Sirius really meant that as one,"

I ruffled Sirius's hair, already trying to embed in my memory his carefree attitude, handsome face, sense of humour and love for life, just in case some day he loses it and the world loses a great spirit.

As the train pulled to a stop and the voice over the P.A system let us know we had arrived at Kings Cross Station, panic gripped me and I found myself unable to move from the carriage and head towards the doors that marked a new, scary world I was in no way protected from or prepared for.

"Come on Lily, you don't want to be the only one left on the train right and miss all the fun of growing up!" Carla giggled as Sirius piggy backed her out of the carriage and onto the platform.

"I'm coming," I called after her.

Alice and Violet came over and gave me a big cuddle each.

"We're heading off, but you'll hear from us really soon," Alice told me blowing me a kiss as she skipped away.

"You'll hear from me real soon too," Violet added. "You won't even get the chance to miss us,"

With a big smile and a wave, she too was gone and then I was sitting on the seat by myself again.

"Come on beautiful," James told me softly as he offered me his hand. "The world awaits us,"

"I thought I was your world?" I joke weakly.

James smirks at me and pulls me to my feet. "You're keeping me waiting aren't you?"

I smile and take his hand and together we step out of the train and are about to Apparate with all of our things when I realise I've left my favourite scarf in the Prefect carriage.

"My scarf, I have to go get it!" I tell James, spinning around back to the train.

"I'll go with you, but then we need to hurry back I still have to say bye to Zane and the Quidditch boys," James says and together we rush towards the end carriage before the train takes off again.

I'm just starting to relax when we near the carriage when bright green light blinds me and I fall back against James, perhaps I would have ran in the other direction if I hadn't heard the definitive sound of something heavy falling to the ground and my curiosity peaked.

"We should get someone," James whispers and I'm strujct by the irony that the trouble maker is looking for authority while I, the goody goody is ready to run in, wands a blazing.

"No time," I tell him briskly and throw the door open, just in time to see a black cloak disappear, into thin air without being able to glimpse who was under it.

James lets out a strangled cry and falls to his knees, I look down and see he's kneeling at the head of a body, who looks an awful like Zane Bluff.

"No!" James shrieks. "No, no, no!"

He's shaking and about to start sobbing as he tries to check for Zane's vital signs and not getting very far.

"Here, let me," I tell him softly and put my finger against his neck and feel nothing. For good measure I lower my head so it's placed directly over Zane's heart where a steady beat should be pounding.

Instead, I find silence.


	36. Chapter 36

Hey all, just a short one for you this time, I have major writers block and I'm not too proud of this chapter, but here we go anyway…

As always the mention of the most amazing reviewers is essential; **_dreamingofsunshine, FaithfulHPReader, DigiNetaChan, hpdreamer500, Darradict, Tweetiekins, shroomy-eyes, hello-goodbye146, -Scp-, chloe's fire, supacrazyhazey, Psychokillerhoney, LiLoveheart, Opa12, RascalLil'Pixie, XXJAMESLILYXX, hptwilightlvr, JamesAndLilyForever, The DA is dressed to the nines, KatieMAGICLove_**.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

* * *

JAMES

Lily looked up at me and the answer was written in her eyes, those beautiful green irises held nothing but sorrow, god the sadness was almost tangible in the air. I was choking on it.

"James…it's not…he's gone…I'm sorry,"

The words don't stick, she may as well be speaking some in other language for all the sense she was making to me. Zane wasn't dead, I had only just seen him this morning, holding Kyla's hand and winking at me as he shook my hand. I pressed my hand inside my jacket pocket and felt smooth, thin lines. I pulled it out. It was the swatch Zane had given me through our hand shake, with at least twenty different types of pinks and purples.

"James? Did you hear what I said?"

Zane wasn't dead. I wouldn't let him be,

"Move," I tell her coldly and push her hands aside, beginning to thump on his chest like I was taught in emergencies at the hospital. I counted down as I pushed on his heart and then turning his head up, clamping his nose down, I breathed air into his lungs and watched as his chest moved slightly and then fell still again.

I pounded again and again and kept breathing for him. After my fifth go, I felt his neck for a pulse and pressed my head against his chest, there was no pulse and his chest was still, eerily silent, not to mention he was starting to grow cold under my touch

"Breathe you bastard," I growled. "Zane you stupid, Slytherine bastard don't you dare do this, I am not afraid to curse you, start breathing and wake the fuck up!"

"James," Lily begins gently.

I ignore her and continue pumping away at his chest, willing some life to come back into his wide, now dull green eyes. I'm not even aware of anything else except Zane's chest, my hands and my desperate attempts to bring him back.

I work away until I'm out of breath and my arms ache from the effort. Why the hell isn't this working? Typical Slytherine, too bloody stubborn to accept help from a Griffindor.

Finally I press my head against his chest and I get my hopes up for a second that he's moved, but it's just me shaking so intensely.

"James," Lily tries again tentatively. "I don't think there's anything you can do for him now, I am so, sorry,"

I jump up as a crazy thought hits me. "My mum! She'll know what to do, we've got to take him to my mum, she can work miracles!"

Lily's eyes start to tear up and then I realise what I've said, and what it means. Uncontrollable rage starts to grip me and I have to work to keep myself under control.

"Oh James…this is so awful…I don't know what to do to make it better,"

I turn my gaze towards her and she actually takes a step back.

"I'm sorry," I tell her and even to me it sounds dead.

"What for?" she asks.

I don't reply, I just apparate, leaving her alone to face Zane's death and parents by herself. I don't even have the energy to care about my cruelty, I just grit my teeth, my goal fresh in mind. I need to find him, he needs to answer me and he needs to start acting like a man.

I burst through the door and stalk to the centre of the room, where my father lies in bed, hooked up to so many different contraptions I don't even know where he really begins and what he normally looks like.

"You need to wake up dad," I say in a surprisingly even voice. "I lost a friend today, a good friend and a good person and it was way before his time. You missed mum's funeral, you missed my graduation and so now I need you to wake up and start acting like my father because I can't do this alone and I need you."

There was no sign of movement no indication that he heard me or was even aware of my presence.

I gripped his shoulder, hard.

"Are you listening damnit? I need you to man up and be there for me, I can only do so much, be so strong, you're supposed to always be there for me, help me when I have no clue what I'm doing. God, people are _dying_ and you're just lying there wasting away, Lily could be next, or Sirius, Remus, _anyone_! Don't you care?"

Again there was no response so I began shaking him, frantically.

"Wake up damn you, _wake up!_ I thought you were a hero but you're shutting yourself away from the world, you're being a coward. Wake up and prove me wrong, _fucking wake up dad!_"

"James Potter!"

I whip around and the nurses have heard the commotion and come to investigate,

"I'm talking with my father," I hiss between gritted teeth and continue shaking dad's shoulders.

"Mr Potter please, you could kill him, let go at once! What do you think you're doing!"

I whip around, fists clenched, braced for a fight. "Kill him? _Kill him!_ I wish he were dead, that way there would be a reason for his absence, one less person to worry about whether I'll ever see again!"

The nurse, Carmel, I think her name was, tip toed forward very slowly and deliberately.

"You don't mean that, you should be praying for your father, talking to him, coaxing him out of the darkness, there is still hope for him you know,"

"People are dying," I tell her flatly. "People are going to continue to die. Do you have a family?"

"Yes," she replied softly.

"Go home and kiss them, hold them tight and tell them you love them, do it every morning and every night, because if they die it's what you'll regret. I never got to say goodbye to my mum or hug her one last time, I never got to tell Zane what a great person he was and if nothing is done I may not ever see the ones I love, you may not either,"

Her hand went to her throat and terror filled her eyes. "Are you…threatening me?"

I barked out a laugh. "Lady, I'm doing you a favour. You have nothing to fear from me, I'm just a little boy playing war with his friends waiting for my parents to call me inside and tuck me into bed,"

"Oh…James…what are you saying? What are you going to do?"

I stare at my dads limp body and an unusual strength fills my body, a clarity I didn't have before, it's as though I had a veil over my eyes which has only now been lifted.

"Me? Only thing left to do; Grow up," I tell her firmly and then I apparate.

*

The station is in chaos when I arrive, the remaining students are clinging to their parents and loved ones, sobbing, screaming, crying out, their voices rise high into my head painfully, a chorus of confusion, desperation and horror. I stride past everyone, scanning the crowd for Lily, Dumbledore, anyone.

I find them in the centre, Lily has her arms wrapped around Kyla's small, shaking frame while Dumbledore speaks in soft, comforting tones to who must be Zane's parents.

"James!"

I give Lily a brisk nod and turn to Dumbledore. "Who did it? Do you know?"

Dumbledore sighed. "One can only speculate, I do fear however, that this may only just be the beginning,"

"James Potter?"

I spun around and faced Zane's mother who has his green eyes and face shape, it hurt just looking at her.

"Yes?"

She opened her mouth and then shut it almost straight after and wrapped her arms around me instead.

"Thank you," she whispered. "For being a friend to my boy,"

I clung to her, like she was my own mum, relishing the warmth and comfort I felt in her arms.

"I'm going to get who did this," I whispered back. "I'm going to make them pay, for Zane,"

She released me slowly and pressed her hand to my cheek. "No, sweetheart, just keep yourself alive,"

I nodded stiffly and with a final embrace watched Zane's parents turn back to Dumbledore to discuss future plans for the body and how to keep it a private matter. I wasn't sure how that would be even possible, already I could see reporters grouping together in clusters, trying to get a closer look. Bloody vultures.

"James?"

I turned to Lily slowly and raised an eyebrow.

"Can we go home now, please? I don't want to be here anymore,"

Despite the obvious traumatic situation Lily looked calm, composed, my little soldier.

I held my hand out and when she took it, I pulled her tight into my embrace and then with a pop we were back home.

"Home sweet home," I murmured, still holding Lily close.

Lily peeked out from my chest and looked around. "Thank god, I don't think I could have held on much longer there, it's like the air was just buzzing with despair, did you feel it? I just wanted to give everyone a big cuddle and make them a milo,"

I smiled down at her. "Milo?"

"Chocolate drink thing, it's delicious can be served hot or cold," she explained.

I nodded like I understood although I had no clue.

"What are we going to do?" Lily asked and it wasn't a rhetorical question out of despair, it was determined and genuinely curious.

"We call the order together, as much as we can, we need to start fighting back in this war,"

"Ok, give me two days,"

I look down at her and smile. "I'll give you four hours Evans,"

"Four hours?" she shrieks. "Are you insane, just how the hell am I meant to pull that off!"

I pecked her lightly on the lips. "Evans, women are the fastest networkers ever, I swear to god half the female population at Hogwarts knew when I sneezed a second before I even knew I was going to,"

Lily sighed. "You owe me big time,"

"I'm willing to pay you in sexual favours,"

Lily rolled her eyes and began to walk away. "Good to see impending gloom and war hasn't ruined your libido Potter,"

I smacked her arse as she left, just for good measure.

LILY

"What do you mean Zane is dead and James needs us to fight back?"

I smiled at Alice patiently. "Pretty much exactly what it sounds like, there's no hidden message I promise. Everyone else that was in our year and recruited into the order are already on their way, except for you and Frank, Sirius and Carla and Remus and Violet,"

Alice slid down into her seat and placed her head in her hands. "So Zane is dead? Zane Bluff?"

Sorrow and anger assaulted my senses again as I nodded. "Yeah, it's true. James and I arrived just after it happened, we tried to bring him back…it was no use,"

Frank threw something at the wall, I think it might have just been a cup or something. "He was a good guy, a genuinely _great person_, how could this have happened?"

"It's war now Frank," I replied.

"War huh? Well, it's not war if only one side is getting killed, that's a massacre,"

"Frank!" Alice squeaked, grabbing his arm.

"No, he's right," I said. "That's why we're going to start taking matters into our own hands,"

Frank yanked Alice up onto her feet. "Alright, we're wasting time just sitting here talking, we'll get Remus and Violet, you get Sirius and Carla, meet you back at your home ok?"

As they apparated I actually found myself smiling, as sick as it was at a time like this. He had called James's house my _home_, like it was now a place to call mine, a place I belonged.

I guess with James living there, that's true.

I was still smiling softly as I apparated to Sirius's loft, amazed by the strength that hope brings.

I stood in the living room and the house was quiet, way too quiet for Sirius's house and for my liking. In fact the whole thing felt off, the living room was tidy and felt unused, the kitchen had no mess, no dishes piling up and there was no tie on Sirius's door and his bed was neatly made.

Was it possible he never made it home? What the hell could have prevented Sirius from getting Carla home for private sexy time? Shit, I really didn't want to finish that thought.

I was just about to apparate home when I heard a squeal come from outside and before I knew it I was charging out there, wand raised and ready.

In the middle of the back yard was Carla, dressed in very little and giggling as she rode on top of an impossible big black, shaggy dog that was jumping around and zooming with alarming speed through the whole back yard.

What the hell? Where was Sirius?

Carla was now dumped on the ground and the big dog stood over her menacingly, prowling closer and closer. I should have known a dog that big couldn't be friendly, why the hell was I just standing here?

"Carla!" I screamed. "Run!"

I charged down the small hill that lead to the spacious back yard, wand raised, prepared to stab the dog to death with my little wooden wand if it meant Carla was saved.

Carla looked up at me lazily and smiled, actually smiled the idiot, as if there wasn't a massive dog ready to tear her throat out right in front of her.

Worst timing ever, I sneezed and prepared myself for the claws sinking into my soft flesh, but it never came, when I opened my eyes again, Sirius lay across Carla, topless smirking up at me.

"Sirius? Where's the big dog, I swear there was one right here!"

Sirius grinned and slowly his teeth grew and his face changed and then the massive black dog was standing in front of me, shaking with what I can only guess was laughter.

It all suddenly clicked for me, the fact that of course the big dog was Sirius, he was an animagus just like James. My cheeks started burning as I realised what an idiot I was.

"Your concern is really touching Evans," Sirius said, back to his normal self. "But do you really think I'd allow Carla to be half naked and _without _me?"

I sighed. "No, I guess not,"

"It's cool huh?" Carla asked, beaming at Sirius.

"Fascinating," I mumbled, still embarrassed.

"So, I take it you didn't come here for a threesome then?" Sirius asked as he helped Carla up and they began walking to the house.

"No, funnily enough that wasn't on my list of things to do," I replied dryly.

"Well what can I do you for then?"

I sighed. "James sent me, there was…something happened,"

"He get his period?" Sirius joked.

I bit back my acid response and took a deep breath. "No Sirius, something bad happened ok? Um…Zane Bluff was murdered on the train, right after you guys got off, James and I were there just after it happened it was…it was the most awful thing I've ever seen. James wants everyone to get together so we can…"

"Hit back?" Sirius asked, smile and good nature gone and replaced by darkness.

"Yes,"

"Then let's go, I have been waiting for this day for years, it's about time we started giving them some of their own medicine, we can start with my dear cousin,"

Without another word and without even stopping to get changed he grabbed Carla and was gone.

I allowed myself three deep breaths, calming myself down and pushing aside the tears that were fighting hard to break through, and then I followed them.

*

The house is in chaos when I arrive, there are about ten of our little group in the Order immersed in heated discussions with each other, the words just running together, becoming impossible to understand, but the tone is the same, excitement, impatience and frustration all buzzing together as one.

Only two people are isolated from the throng of people. Carla is curled into a ball on the couch with her hands over ears and James sits on the kitchen bench a little behind everyone, deep in thought, almost oblivious to his surroundings.

"You're talking about murder," Alice argues and Fabian looks at her like she's insane.

"We're talking about war _Mrs Longbottom_, protecting the world from evil so that people like us aren't murdered and people like you can bring your children up safely,"

"Alice is right, this may be war but I'm not comfortable with just talking about killing people, no matter how evil, like it's a sport or hobbie, we should put more thought into this," Violet added.

"And just wait until someone else gets murdered before we make a move? They killed a fellow Slytherine Violet, they don't have a soul and they aren't going to hesitate like we are right now," Sirius tells her.

"That's enough,"

His voice is quiet but it silences the whole room. As one we turn to James, who is tracing his finger over a tea towel that reads 'home is where the heart is,'

"Who wants to die?"

We all stare at him with wide eyes, no one finds a voice to answer.

"I know I don't, and I don't want to have to watch anyone else I care about die either. I didn't call you all here to argue, to just talk about making a stand or to force anyone into anything they aren't comfortable with. I called you here because I'm tired, I'm confused and I'm scared shitless,"

Gideon's mouth actually falls open.

"When I held Zane, cold and dead in my arms today, all I wanted to do was crawl into my parents arms and only crawl out once it was safe. Let me make something very clear to you right now, I _never_, _ever_ want to feel that way again. I brought you all here today because we are all kids, relying on those bigger and better than us to make everything ok. That needs to stop. We are no longer children, we aren't allowed to be, we need to grow up and be the ones that make the world a better place. If you're scared, then that's good, you should be, you can use that fear and channel it into something good, if you're angry, even better, you're going to need that passion. Today an innocent life was taken away, but let me assure you he won't be the only one, and if we don't fight back then we're going to witness so many more pointless deaths. I'm not talking about murder, I'm talking about eliminating threats and fighting for those that can't fight for themselves. I need to know, right now, who's with me,"

I stepped forward at once and took James' hand in mine. "I'm there,"

Next the Prewett brothers stepped forward, followed by Frank, Alice, Remus and soon the only ones that hadn't stepped forward were Sirius, Carla, Violet and Peter.

"Pete?" James asked.

Peter, looking more miserable than ever slowly stepped forward.

"Babe?" Sirius asked, staring over at Carla who was still half dressed and curled on the couch.

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I can't do it, please don't hate me,"

She apparated before anyone else could reply.

Sirius closed his eyes and remained motionless for a few seconds before he looked up and met James' eyes.

"I'm in mate, as if it was ever a question, brothers for life, what's the plan?"

"I need more time," Violet whispered, glancing slightly at Remus. "Is that ok?"

"Of course it is," I told her with a warm smile and she relaxed slightly.

"Do you have a plan, oh fearless leader?" Sirius asked with a grin.

James smiled wryly. "Yeah, as a matter of fact I do, let's just pray Evans pulls through,"

"Me?" I asked in surprise. "What do I have to do with it?"

"You're the key to whole operation my love, the most important player,"

I gulped down the fear that pressed against my throat. "What's my part?"

James stared at me with an intensity I rarely saw, He looked nervous, sad and a bit regretful.

"You're the bait,"


	37. Chapter 37

Hi pretty ones :D yet another intense yet short chapter for you which I'm not too sure everyone will like? I'm sorry it can't be all sunshine and puppy dogs all the time, but this is a war. Thanks for those that read and subscribe and really, massive thanks to those that take the time to review and make my day;

**_Skylar Jones, dreamingofsunshine, DigiNetaChan, Psychokillerhoney, XXJAMESLILYXX, supacrazyhazey, KatieMAGICLove, -Scp-, shroomy-eyes, Tweetiekins, amnazing, Opa12, hptwilightlvr, M333gan, DelightfulSmiles, The DA is dressed to the nines._**

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* * *

JAMES

I stared down into Lily's eyes and waited for the hurt, the fear and the confusion to cross. Was she going to hate me for this? Surely she knew I wouldn't send her out to her death, that I had a plan to make sure she was covered. Surely she would understand that we couldn't just play it safe anymore, that as of now we were all fighting for the right to live. Right?

As always, she surprises me, and smiles at me.

"Is that all? Easy done, what else do you have planned?"

I almost let my mouth drop. I obviously underestimated Lily and her strength and dedication.

"You amaze me, every single day you give me another reason to love you,"

"Before you two start in with the puppy eyes and we all become a blur in your world, could we be let into the plan too?"

I turned to Remus, and grinned. "Right, of course. Ok, it's pretty simple, tonight we're not attacking if we can help it, we're going to be infiltrating enemy lines. Evans here is going to use her beauty and charm to lure the one and only Severus Snape to us. She's going to wait for him in their secret little play ground spot, I have a feeling he still goes there for his own pathetic reasons. Evans will then give the performance of her life, and cry into Snape's welcoming shoulder and tell him that she' scared and doesn't want to die and beg him to protect her, that she'll join the death eaters that she'll do _anything_. Knowing the slimey git like we do, he will fall for it and want to take Lily to a safe place, one of their personal hide outs, that's where we come in. Alice is going to use her special skills to create a tracker to put on Lily so that we can track her movements and follow her to where Snape takes her, the boys will all come with me and we're going to find the place, infiltrate with some muggle spy stuff, that the death eaters would never suspect and then we're going to get Lily out before Severus can call his precious friends."

The room goes silent and everyone is staring at me with identical wide eyes and slightly agape mouths.

"What if Severus doesn't go for it? What if he attacks Lily?" Violet asked in a small voice.

"We will be there to protect her," Gideon said gruffly. "I won't allow a single bruise to mar her skin,"

"But still, James, how can you just be so comfortable with Lily being in mortal danger?"

"Severus won't hurt me," Lily answers. "And this is war Vi, we can either live on our knees or risk dying standing proud, I know which option I'm comfortable with,"

Violets lips quivered but she didn't make any more protests.

Doubt slammed into my hard and I almost backed out right away. Was I crazy? As much as we would be there to protect Lily could I really risk that? Risk her? Maybe my brilliant idea wasn't so brilliant after all.

"When do we do this?" Frank asked in a tense voice.

I took a deep breath. You can do this James, you can do this, everything is going to work out fine, just believe in yourself.

"Tonight," I said softly but my voice carried. "We have about six hours to get prepared, eat up, work out, sleep, whatever. I want this to be the element of surprise, so there's no way they can get wind of our plan and strike back,"

"Excellent," Sirius grinned. "Well, if that's all, I have a pretty young thing I need to console and six hours to spare, so I'll be back soon,"

I waved him off. "Off you go then, everyone else can be on their way too,"

"Do you mind if we stay here?"Remus asked, rubbing Violet's back.

"Yeah that's fine, if you want to stay, stay, but rest up, don't drive yourself insane with stress ok?"

Everyone agreed and there was an excited buzz as I took Lily's hand and lead her away.

"You want something to eat love?"

Lily squeezed my hand. "I just want to lie down next to you and stay there where I know I'm safe and belong, is that ok?"

I pressed her hand to my lips. "That's more than ok Evans, your room or mine?"

Lily grinned. "Mine, yours is starting to smell like boy,"

"You do realise I am a boy, right?" I replied.

"Really? I was under the impression you were a man now,"

I grinned broadly. I liked that.

*

I lay with Lily in my arms, stroking her hair and watching the sun go down from her window. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours and soon it was almost time to head back downstairs.

I felt too comfortable to move, in fact, if there was indeed a heaven this would be it right now, safe in the arms of the girl I loved more than anything, watching the world slowly pass us by.

I hated that it had to end, that we were cursed to be the strong ones, that we weren't going to experience the normal joys of growing up. Instead of figuring out date nights and parties we were going to be discussing tactics and figuring out the best way to incapacitate our enemies. Yep, this sure was a great time to be alive.

"Do you think there's a couple just like us watching the exact same sunset?" Lily asked quietly.

"Probably," I replied. "Though I doubt they're as good looking,"

Lily giggled quietly.

"We're going to have to go down and face the music soon," she said quietly.

"You know what to do?" I asked Lily, as we took advantage of the few minutes we had to be alone.

"Relax Potter, you act as if I've never done this before," Lily tells me bravely, but her hands are shaking.

"You haven't," I reply.

She shrugs. "Details, details,"

"Do you think I'm crazy? Is this a stupid idea?"

Lily ruffles my hair. "I think you're crazy, but this isn't a stupid idea,"

"Violet is right, so much could go wrong," I murmur, speaking out loud for the first time my doubts.

Lily presses her hand against my lips. "Shush, this is a good plan ok? So much could go wrong with anything in life, I could try to seduce you and lead you to the bathroom then slip over and cut my head open,"

I smirk and pull her closer to me so our hips are joining. "Would you?"

She swats at me jokingly. "Shut up, I'm trying to make a point,"

I tilt her head up and press my lips against hers, relishing in how soft they are, how every part of my body seems to be made to fit against hers.

"I love you James Potter," she whispered when we pulled apart.

"I love you more Lily Evans," I whisper back.

"It's going to be ok you know," she tells me.

"It is?"

"Of course it is, we're all way too young and way too hot to die tonight, I mean I'm still a virgin, fate can't honestly be that cruel right?"

"Hey Evans, we can delay the whole plan an hour and Jimmy here can take care of that for you," Sirius interrupted, lazing by the door frame, looks like alone time was over.

"Sirius…" I began in a warning tone.

"Right, sorry Prongs, how insensitive of me, Evans it will only take fifteen minutes max, that's hardly any time wasted at all," Sirius remarked with a cheeky grin.

Lily smiled up at me, "Are you sure he's on our side?"

I sighed. "I'll have to get back to you on that,"

"Come on then, let's go rally the troops!" she beamed punching her fist in the air in a very Sirius like motion.

I groaned. "I'm not the leader here, you know that right? I don't want to have to be responsible for everyone and create our own matching sweaters or anything."

Lily just laughed and pulled me along with her. The kitchen was already full again with everyone except Carla and Violet, I turned to Sirius, the question written on my face.

"Carla's with Violet at my place, they just need some…time to adjust to everything. Carla's an orphan so she's got a complex about being alone and Violet is worried she will get in the way and get Remus killed,"

I nodded, I guess that explained everything.

"Alright everyone, thanks for coming back and hearing me out, participating in my crazy plan and you know, being strong enough to want to make a difference. Has everyone eaten?"

Sirius grinned broadly just as the oven timer went off. "Dinner's ready!"

"You cooked dinner?" Lily asked incredulously.

"You can _cook_?" Frank added.

Sirius pulled the over open and miraculously tray after tray of party pies, pizzas and fries came out.

"Eat up everyone, a full stomach is very important!"

"He really does have mother hen mode," Lily whispered to me.

I grinned back. "Ladies first, he really does know how to cook, you'll want to get in while it lasts."

I smiled as i watched Lily get her elbows out and maneuver her way to the front. My smile faded as I sent a silent prayer that this wouldn't be the last dinner, for anyone.

LILY

"Alright, are you ready?" James whispered as he straightened my head band up. "You don't have to do this, I would never force this on you ok? Just say the word and I'll go meet Snivellous,"

I smiled warmly at him. "If you went then there would definitely be a body bag. It's ok, I want to do this, it's going to be fine, stop stressing,"

James stroked my cheek. "I just want to keep you safe, is that so bad?"

I pressed my hand against his cheek, feeling like this moment we were sharing was almost too intimate to be had surrounded by our friends.

"I'm very lucky to have you," I tell him and really, I am. No one else would put up with my constant mood swings, would continue to think the best of me when I give only reasons to think the worst.

James Potter was mine, he would always be mine and I don't ever want to wake up to a world with out him in it.

Its this realization that motivates me. I am going to fight, I'm going to get get dirty and I am willing to risk everything because he's James Potter is worth it.

"We all good?" Frank asked in a strangely formal voice.

I nod. "Yep, I'm going to apparate to the park now and we're going to test if the tracker works, if it does James is going to send a patronus my way,"

Frank nodded stiffly and clasped my shoulder before turning back to Alice and the rest of the group.

"Now remember Evans, if Snivelly gives you any trouble, we're right there to shut him up for good. Just relax and try to enjoy yourself as much as you can, we won't let anything happen to you ok? I'd die before I saw anyone hurt you," Sirius told me in a tone without any humour.

"Thank you Sirius," I murmured, touched by his little speech and his affection for me.

"Just wanted to make sure you knew," he replied gruffly.

I took a deep breath and tried my best to grin at the crowd around me. "Well, here goes nothing…"

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again I was in the park, it was getting dark and there was no one around. The play ground looked so eerie without any children's laughter, without the sunshine to illuminate it, with out anyone here and the wind swinging the equipment around I felt like I was intruding on a ghost party or something.

I bit back a scream as a shining Patronus burst through the bushes and ran around me. James was here. Somehow that thought gave me enough strength to go and sit by the swings me and Severus used to occupy.

God I hoped he actually showed up tonight, I wasn't sure I would have enough guts or courage to come back and do it another night.

Taking a deep breath I began to propel myself forward and swing higher and higher in the air. The closer I got to the sky, the freer I felt and when I closed my eyes on the way down and opened them just as I peaked I could almost pretend I was flying, that the ground was full of problems and darkness and I was flying above it all. With a spontaneous urge, I kicked back and threw one shoe off, just like I did when I was younger, and saw how far I could throw it.

It never reached the ground.

"We haven't done that in years,"

His voice almost shocked me off the swing, luckily my reflexes kicked in and I grabbed the chains just in time.

"S-Severus, hello,"

"Hello," he replied softly and perched on the swing next to me. "You shouldn't be here, it's not safe,"

Here goes nothing… "Where is safe Sev?" I asked and he noticeably flinched away from his nickname.

"What do you mean?" he asked, black eyes watching my every move, no doubt trying to find the lie.

"Zane is dead, my dad is dead, Mrs Potter is dead, who's next?"

Severus's eyes popped wide. "Zane Bluff?"

My act slipped for a second. "Yes, your fellow Slytherine, don't tell me you had no idea he was going to be killed,"

All the softness wiped clean from his face. "I don't like what you're implying, why don't you just say it straight,"

I closed my eyes and cursed myself for my little slip. I slowed my swing down and then when I had my feelings under control I placed my hand on top of Severus's.

"I don't want to die," I whispered. "I don't want to be another number in a body count and I don't want to live my life in constant fear,"

"Then you should cut all ties with Potter, he's a dead weight," he retorted bitterly.

"I am," I replied strongly. "That's why I came here. I want…no, I need you to help me, please. Only you can protect me, please Severus, I'll do anything, just promise you won't let me die, promise me you'll try to help me!"

I wasn't even aware how desperate I sounded and was acting until I noticed I was kneeling in front of Severus and had both hands clenched in his shirt, shaking him softly.

Severus stared at me shrewdly for more than a minute and I was sure we were found, that he was going to whip his wand out and end me right then and there. My only hope was that he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else.

"Why?" he asked coldly. "Why the change now? I thought the great James Potter was more than capable of keeping you safe and taking on the world,"

"Pipe dreams," I whispered looking down. "You were right, his arrogance will end him. I don't…I can't sit around and watch him and his friends destroy themselves, I just want to be safe and I want to be able to grow old and not have to shun my own family. Please Severus, you're all i have left,"

I jumped as two cool hands closed over mine and held them tight. "I promise," he murmured. "I would never, ever let anything hurt you,"

For the first time I was disgusted in myself. What was I doing to this poor boy, using his affections for me against him? This was cruel and harsh and I was sickened with myself. Severus really had always tried to protect me, had never intentionally hurt me and how was I thanking him? But using him so I could set him up. Death eater or not, he wasn't entirely bad.

"We should run away," I found myself whispering. "Let's just go Severus, you don't need to be a Death eater, we can just leave and go somewhere safe, please, just come with me, let's just put all of this darkness behind us,"

Severus looked at me sadly for a moment and then turned away. "You don't know how badly I would like to do that…"

"But?" I prodded.

He kept his gaze at his shoes. "But this isn't a school club, you don't just leave, there's only one way you leave and it's not voluntary,"

My mouth dropped. "Oh Sev, what have you done?"

He shrugged. "I'm fine, I'm safe. We need to worry about you now, Come with me, I know a safe place we can go, I'll look after you Lily, I promise,"

I placed my hand in Severus's. "Thank you Severus, and I'm sorry,"

I genuinely meant it to.

For a split second his eyes darkened but then as soon as it came it was gone and he nodded at me, squeezing my hand slightly. "I'm sorry too, let's go, we don't have much time,"

"Where are we going?" I asked, voice betraying my nerves a bit.

"My safe house," he replied. "I'll make sure no one finds you,"

"What about Voldernort? He's going to want me killed,"

"No!" Severus hissed. "No one will hurt you, not while I'm around,"

God, how was I any better then the Death Eaters? They bruised body's, I destroyed hearts. Why couldn't the world just be black and white? I hated being in the gray about my feelings and with right and wrong.

_He would kill James and many innocent muggles without hesitation. His idea of fun was the dark magic they used against the first years. He views all muggles as toys in his master's massacre._

A nasty voice in my head told me and I found the strength and anger to keep my cool.

"Let's go," I told him firmly and with a bit of a jerk the scenery changed.

I stumbled slightly and found myself in a small cottage. The first things I noticed were the floor was wooden and cold, the candles flickered dully around the room, it was in serious need of an interior designer and Severus and I were not the only ones in the room.

"Ah Severus, looks like you brought a snack for me," the Werewolf Fenrir Greyback said with a evil grin.

"Lily!" Severus said in a panicked voice. "I didn't know they were going to be here I promise, this isn't a set up, it's going to get sorted out, they're not going to hurt you, don't panic!"

Bellatrix started laughing. "Severus really, are you that naïve? Does the girl look surprised to you? Betrayed? Why don't you ask her what's going on?"

Severus looked at me with betrayed black eyes. "Lily?"

I took a deep breath. Shit.


	38. Chapter 38

Hey again :)  
Updated super quick for everyone this time because with life at the moment it's going to be longer for the updates. Really hope i did this chapter and those that read it justice, i'm sure you'll all let me know any way. :D

As always there are some special people that need a mention; _**XXJAMESLILYXX, supacrazyhazey, -Scp-, BubbleLove1234, KatieMAGICLove, FaithfulHPReader, Lilyflower33, hello-goodbye146, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, Skylar Jones, Psychokillerhoney, amnazing, RascalLil'Pixie, The DA is dressed to the nines, dreamingofsunshine, hptwilightlvr, LiLoveheart.**_

Thanks again for your support and taking the time out of your day to read and leave a note.

Tons and tons of love for each of you  
xxx

* * *

JAMES

I stood with my fists clenched, teeth gritted, my temper dangerously close to exploding as I watched Lily throw herself at Snape, as I watched him stare at her like she was the sun and he was the Earth rotating around it.

"This is all just an act dude, it doesn't mean anything. This was your idea remember? Calm down," Sirius whispered, staring at my expression nervously.

I nodded briskly but I knew it was a lie. I knew Lily, I knew when she was acting and when she was being real and when she asked Snape to run away with her, to leave the whole world behind it was not act. I could tell by her eyes and how surprised she seemed at herself for what she was offering. What she would give up to keep everyone safe.

I hated Severus Snape so much at that moment for having a piece of Lily's heart that I would never have access to, that it scared me. Scared me so much I almost felt like handing my wand to Sirius just in case.

"Potter, pay attention," Gideon said firmly. "I think they're about to take off,"

"Frank, is the tracker still working?" I asked, not taking my eyes of Lily's hand in Snape's.

"Yep, still good to go, hopefully it stays strong if they're going a long distance,"

I tear my gaze away from Lily and give Frank a steely glare. "You better pray it does work Frank because if something happens to Evans tonight, if she so much as trips over her own feet and I'm not there to catch her, friend or not, someone is going to be held responsible and I will not forgive, do you understand?"

Frank nodded. "I understand, I would do the same for Alice,"

"Yo Potter, we're moving," Gideon whispered.

I turned back to Lily just in time to see her take a deep breath almost as if to calm herself down and then she disappeared.

"Frank?" I said calmly.

"We got her," he replied. "How long do we wait?"

"Two minutes," I replied. "Start counting,"

Remus came and stood directly in front of me, blocking all my vision so it was just me and him.

"James," he said softly. "Stop it. You need to calm down ok? This is what you planned, this is what you wanted. You are not going to do Lily and favours by charging in without any purpose or focus. That's how people get killed. Clear your head and think about what we're really doing here ok? Do you want to be the reason someone loses their life because you're too distracted by past resentments?"

I took a deep breath and slowly the anger started to fade away. "No, I don't want that."

"Good. This is a good plan ok? You said it yourself, we're not going there to fight, we're going there for information, this isn't a battle,"

He's right, as always. I can't let my resentments get in the way of the task ahead and more importantly looking after Lily.

"You're the most humane werewolf ever Moony," I tell him with a half smile.

He gives me a one armed hug in reply.

"You ready?" Frank asked, holding his hand out to me.

I took it without hesitation and held my hand out to Sirius who was already holding Fabian's hand.

"Let's do it, can you warp the apparating a bit? Land us a little bit away from where Evans is?"

Frank bit his lip. "I can try, close your eyes and hope for the best,"

I closed my eyes and imagined Lily laughing at me as I chased her around the house with my hand full of bubbles. By the time I opened my eyes again I was feeling a little more peaceful.

"Where are we?" Remus whispered.

I looked around, it appeared we were in a forest of some sort, a very remote one at that since from what I could tell there was no sign of life in sight, except for a tiny cottage with dim lights shining through the windows.

"I think she's in there," I whispered back.

"No screaming," Sirius added. "That's a good sign right?"

"Or a really bad one," Fabian said which earned him a smack across the head from his brother.

"Shh, look at that," I said. "In the window, looks like there's more than just two silhouette's in there,"

There was a beat of silence where the guys adjusted their eyes to the dark and then as one they let out a gasp which in any other situation might have made me laugh.

"James?" Sirius asked softly. "What do we do now?"

"Frank, Fabian, Gideon, I want you to stick to the original plan, try and set up as much stuff as you can, this is not going to be all for nothing, I meant what I said about the advantage. Once it's all done, get back to base, set up enough precautions to keep it safe and make sure everyone is protected, if we're not back in the next two hours call Dumbledore,"

Without another word the boys set off with their equipment leaving me, Remus and Sirius alone.

"What's our plan?" Remus asked.

"Like you even have to ask Moony? We're going to get our girl back!" Sirius exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow. "_Our_ girl?"

Sirius shot me a look. "Prongs, it's Evans, she's a part of all of us, none of us could live with anything happening to her, she's part of our screwed up little family,"

"Pete, do you think you can turn into a rat and get a look for us?" i asked and there was no reply.

"Where's worm tail?" I asked, looking around he was no where to be found.

"Probably went back to check on the girls," Sirius replied. "You know he's not good with the action stuff,"

"Right. Ok, well between the three of us, we're going to creep up on the perimeter, each taking an entrance and hopefully we can get the element of surprise, grab Evans and leave,"

"What if they grab us?" Remus asked.

I shook my head. "Can't think about that mate, Evans is in there and that's all I can focus on right now,"

"Let's do this then," Sirius said together we set off, only separating in different directions as we neared the house, I took the back of the house where the silhouette's were coming from and forced myself to take silent, slow, deliberate steps as I reached the door.

I turned the knob and it opened easily and instantly I felt like something was wrong. Who the hell kept their secret lair unlocked and with minimal protection? Could they really be that blindly arrogant? For our sake I really hoped that was it.

I moved stealthily through the house, noticing how plain the house was and bare, again I felt uneasy, this wasn't looking like a house someone actually lived in and used as home.

I started to pick up pace, more desperate than ever to get to Lily and get out of here.

"Ah I think the man of the hour has arrived!"

I froze. Fuck. This was not good.

Bellatrix stepped out into the open and gave me her biggest smirk. "Hello Potter, care to join? The more the merrier!"

I cautiously stepped around her and into the room. Lily sat on a chair with Fenrir Greyback holding a pointed claw to her throat while Snape stood pressed against the wall looking like a five year old boy who's lost his way and Rodolphus Lestrange poured cups of tea.

It was honestly the strangest and scariest thing I had ever seen.

"Hello girlfriend," I said conversationally. "Making new friends?"

"Hey boyfriend," she said in a tight, fear controlled voice. "I was just telling everyone here that I was tired and would very much like to go home, I think we can play games another night,"

"Sounds good to me, would you excuse us?"

Rodolphus smiled at me warmly. "Nonsense, we made a special effort to greet you tonight, you can't just go running off, especially since this is what you wanted wasn't it? Finding us and our hidden locations? Figuring out a way to get inside our heads?"

"How did you know that?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Potter really, I'm disappointed in you for being so naïve. Did you honestly think you were the only one with the ability to spy? I'm offended you had such low opinions of our intelligence,"

"How did you get into my house?" I asked in a tense voice.

Bellatrix giggled. "If we told you that, we'd have to kill you,"

"You're going to anyway right?" I asked as I subtly moved my hand inside my jumper to get a good grip on my wand.

Bellatrix looked a little put out. "_We're_ not going to no, your going to have an honour Potter, you're going to meet the Greatest Wizard ever tonight,"

I gave her a bored look. "I've met Dumbledore,"

Bellatrix hissed and charged at me, slapping me hard against the face. I used this to my advantage and turned her around, whipped my wand out and pressed it against her throat, holding her close against me.

Lestrange looked surprised for a minute but then slowly he started to grin and began to clap. "Good form Potter, the Dark Lord is really going to enjoy you,"

"Let Lily go," I said, pressing my wand into Bellatrix's neck until she whimpered. "I will go anywhere with you, I'll do anything you want, but you need to let her go and promise you won't ever come after her,"

For the first time Snape looked alert and hopeful. This was probably a moment he thought he could only dream about.

"I think not," Fenrir said in his gravelly voice. "You see the Dark Lord promised me this one, I'm not letting such rare meat get away,"

"I didn't come here to fight, but you're not giving me much choice, _rebracto!"_

Bellatrix's left eye blackened and then began to swell to three times the size it was before. Lestrange's casual face disappeared and he moved involuntarily forward, reaching out for Bellatrix.

I raised an eyebrow and held my wand ready for another attack, forcing Lestrange to hold his hands up and back up a bit.

"It seems we're at an impasse aren't we?" he asked, keeping his eyes on Bellatrix's now bloody face.

"It does indeed, so like I said, you let Evans go and I'll let dear old Bella here live _and_ you can have me, seems to me you're getting the better end of the deal," I replied.

"No! James shut up, you don't know what you're doing!" Lily shrieked and was instantly silenced by Fenrir.

"Evans, that's enough," I murmured and turned back to Lestrange who looked intrigued.

"You would do that?" he asked. "Willingly give up your life, spare Bellatrix's for a mudblood?"

Both Snape and I hissed at the term. "She is not a mudblood, and yes, I would without hesitation,"

"Hmm…alright then," he said slowly.

"NO! Potter, take it back or I will kill you myself!" Lily hissed, breaking free from her restraints for a moment.

Lestrange started to chuckle. "She has something about her doesn't she? I can see what her appeal is, such a pity about her blood line though,"

"Can we do this already?" I asked, desperate to get Lily to safety and praying that the boys had been held up and would be safe.

"So impatient for death? Very well then, Fenrir let the girl go," Lestrange said casually but I could see he was almost itching to get Bellatrix away from me.

"What! That is not your call to make Lestrange, this one is _mine_. I _want_ her and you don't get to just take her away!" Fenrir argued, starting to look more wolfish than ever with his teeth bared.

"I have to admit, I'm feeling a little hurt we weren't invited to the party,"

I looked up and there stood Sirius and Remus with their wands raised, Sirius with his eyes on Bellatrix, Remus practically snarling at Fenrir.

"Your invitation must have gotten lost," I said casually. "So glad you could make it though,"

Sirius grinned and sent a curse at Snape, making him slide down the wall unconscious. "Oh whoops, that was rude of me wasn't it? I guess my mum didn't teach me manners very well,"

"You mother should have drowned you at birth!" Bellatrix barked out.

"Oh Bella, didn't see you there, would you like some face with your bruise?" Sirius retorted.

"Change of plan," I said, looking at Lestrange. "Looks like we're all getting out of here alive, I'm even going to be generous and let you all live, you may even get to keep an arm each,"

Lestrange's casual, almost friendly attitude disappeared and he joined Fenrir in pointing his wand at Lily.

"Stupid move Potter, you can curse all you want but I'd have your precious girlfriend dead before you could even take another breath,"

I began to see red and roughly pulled one of Bellatrix's arms behind her back in a painful position. "Same situation with you, although I think I might just take Bella here back to give the guys target practice,"

"You wouldn't have what it takes to do something so against your moral principals," he sneered at me.

"Don't ever, assume you know what I would or would not do when it comes to keeping Evans safe," I told him in a hard voice.

"Prongs," Sirius whined. "I'm bored,"

I turned to Lestrange and grinned as I whispered a curse and then Bellatrix slumped, before hitting the ground hard.

"You're going to regret that," he snarled then turned to Fenrir. "Take her and go now!"

I watched with horror as everything seemed to go in slow motion, Sirius and Lestrange started a big duel whilst Remus tried to disarm Fenrir and get him off Lily. With Lily my only goal, I ran across the room, ignoring all the stabs of pain that spread across my body and the blood that began to seep through my clothes and grabbed her arm just as Fenrir began to apparate.

The last thing I saw was Remus drop to the ground before it all went dark.

LILY

"Don't try anything funny," Fenrir told me, licking a trail up my neck. "It's so easy for 'accidents' to happen around here,"

I spat in his face in reply. He chuckled and wiped the spit with his hand and then licked it off. "Mmm, look forward to seeing you tonight pretty little lamb,"

I turned my face away, working hard to keep my dinner from forcing its way up from my stomach.

Fenrir licked his lips one last time, blew me a kiss and then left.

I could still smell the stale blood and decay in his breath even after he'd been gone for over a minute.

I shuddered involuntary and then looked around me, trying to find my bearings in the near pitch darkness that surrounded me. It was useless.

All I could tell was that it was some sort of cellar and there was a window in the distance that a few metres away but since I was chained to the wall there was really no point in factoring that into an escape mission until I could get away from this wall.

Someone stirred near me and I shuffled closer to the sound until my body pressed against the familiar warmth and hardness of James Potter.

"How you doing commander?" I asked, using my hands to search the contours of his body for any injuries, it didn't look good, I could feel his clothes were soaked and the realist in me knew it wasn't just sweat.

"Evans?" he murmured.

"Yeah Potter, I'm here,"

James bolted upright and immediately lay his head back down. "Where are we..oh ouch!"

I scooted closer until my knees where at the top of his head, then I began to untangle his mass of hair. "Ease up there turbo, I'm pretty sure we're in a cellar in the bad guys camp, guess we did a great job at infiltrating after all,"

James groaned. "You mean we got captured?"

"Actually, _I_ got captured, you just didn't want to be left out and tagged along for the ride, which was stupid might I add,"

"I've told you before Evans, your stuck with me for life, no way was I leaving you unprotected. Speaking of which…I am so sorry, I should never have put you in that position, I'm not ever going to forgive myself, this is all my fault,"

"Hey!" I told him firmly. "You're talking like it's all over, it's not all over ok? We're both still alive, we just need to figure out a way to keep it that way. And your plan was a good one, it would have worked but someone told them what we planned to do and they set up a trap for us, Severus didn't even know about it, it was all pretty last minute, they told me before you showed up. They said that we needed to be more careful who we trusted that…that if you're not strong enough to get rid of the dead weight it will force you to sink…which is why they took care of Zane,"

I felt James stiffen from under me. "They had him killed? Because they thought he was a spy for us?"

"Yes,"

James smashed his fist against the floor. "Damnit! I had no idea it was possible for me to hold so much hate,"

I knew the feeling. They weren't even people to me as far as I was concerned, they were just black shadows that needed eradicating. Except maybe Severus.

"Who told them?" James asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Our plan, if it was only a last minute decision then someone must have told them that knew, someone betrayed us,"

The realisation was a massive stab in the back. "But…who?"

James forced himself to a sitting position. "I don't know, but I'm gonna find out, just as soon as we get out of here,"

I found myself giving a wry smile. "Oh of course, and how are we going to do that?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but I will. It is not our destiny to die in this dark, disgusting, evil place, I just know it, the rest of the crew are going to come and find us,"

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I sure hope not. But, I don't know James, I'm starting to think that maybe it would be best if they didn't come for us, I don't want anyone to die for me,"

James shuffled and pressed himself next to me, wrapping a protective arm around me and pressing his head against mine. "Yeah I don't know if I can live with that either…well Evans, I just want you to know that whatever happens, I'm with you the whole way, if you're planning something stupid, then I'm going to be twice as stupid making sure I protect you as best I can,"

"What if I get us killed?" I whispered.

James pressed his lips against my forehead. "We're in it for the long haul Evans, until our very last breath I will be there, there's no life for me with out you,"

"That's so beautiful…in a depressing kind of way,"

"I mean it Evans, remember what you said to me once, 'it could end tomorrow and it would still be a happy one', I get that now. We might only have two hours, two days or two years left, but no matter how short, this has been the best time of my life Miss Evans, war or not, I regret nothing,"

I had no words to properly express what he meant to me, how much I admired him, I had no words worthy enough to tell him that before he had come into my life I wasn't even aware how broken I was until he put me back together. I had no words worthy enough to describe to him that my heart beat only for him, so I did the only thing I could do; I swung myself on top of James and pressed my lips against his firmly, losing one hand in his hair and the other cupping his chin with tenderness. It took precisely three seconds for James to break out of his shock and respond, one hand going up my shirt and running up and down my back as the other locked in my hair and gripped me close to his lips. Breaking contact from his lips I began kissing up and down his neck while digging my nails into his chest, relishing in the groans he emitted. James grabbed me like I weighed no more than a feather and rolled me onto my back, ripping off his shirt and placing it under my head as a pillow, before pressing his body against mine and capturing my lips again.

"Well, isn't this touching,"

Immediately, James and I broke apart and looked up into the sneering face of an impossibly pale, white haired young man.

"Get out," James told him in a growl, lips moving back to my throat.

"I'm not leaving, the Lord requests a presence," the pale man told us stubbornly.

"If you're going to kill us, then I would really like some alone time with my girlfriend, tell you master he can wait because I'm not leaving until I am ready and I am goddamned not ready!"

The pale boy's mouth dropped in surprise but he recovered quickly. "We can do this the easy way where you follow me, or I can bring Fenrir down here and he can drag your pretty little mudblood out with his teeth,"

James moved so fast I wasn't even aware he'd moved until I saw the pale boy bending over, holding his nose which was now bleeding.

"She is _not_ a mudblood, she is a person who is a thousand times more worthy of this world than you or your precious master ever will be, I'll come with you, but you apologise, NOW!"

The pale boy started laughing. "Apologise? Are you kidding?"

James grabbed his face and slammed it against the wall hard. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, either way you're going to apologise,"

The pale guy panted slightly and then turned his now bloody face towards me. "I'm sorry,"

"Ok," I replied and got off the floor, picking up James' shirt and handing it to him. "Let's just get this over with, what's your name pale guy?"

"Pale guy?" he sneered. "How original. Lucius Malfoy, one of the most purest blood families of all time,"

I snorted and took James' hand. "I know what that was supposed to do and I'm not impressed. Why don't you keep your 'pure blood' mouth shut and do your job as lap dog and take us to your master ok?"

Lucius opened his mouth to argue but James raised his fist and he shut it quickly and strode off, not even checking if we were following.

"Until the very end?" I asked James.

He squeezed me hand as we began to jog to keep up. "Until the very end,"

We remained moving swiftly in silence for a few more minutes, following Lucius out of the dim light and into colourful and very lavish surroundings. We came to a stop in what appeared to be a great ball room. In black hooded cloaks all around a very throne like chair were what I can only assume were death eaters. Their hoods were so heavy and long I couldn't see anyone's faces. I wondered if Severus had come to watch the execution, if he would cry whilst my blood stained the beautiful floor.

"Wait here," Lucius told us smoothly before sweeping his hood up and exiting the room.

"This is all very dramamtic," James stage whispered. "Do you feel under dressed?"

I smiled and hushed him, not wanting to provoke an early, more brutal attack.

Moments later all the death eaters around us dropped to their knees and only James and I remained standing as a tall figure in black dress robes, with impossibly pale skin and red glistening eyes moved effortlessly into the room.

This must be Lord Voldermort. Our executioner.

I watched as James stood straighter and pushed his chest out, proud as can be and turned to face the sinister being.

"You're not going to make me kiss your ring right? Because I'm really big on hygiene,"

Humourless chuckles escaped the thin lips and red eyes focused solely on James, completely ignoring me, which I'm sure was James' intention.

"You must be _the_ James Potter I've heard so much about," the voice was clipped, full of malice. If evil had a voice, this would be it.

James turned his face up, still the picture of pride. "That would be me, and you are?"

Everyone in the room gasped and i swear those red eyes began to glow. "You know very well who I am boy, I'm sure your big act is for your lady friend here which is all very well for you, perhaps not so good for her. Tell me Potter, have you ever seen the life leave someone's eyes, it's a fascinating thing. Lucius, bring the girl to me,"

Fear gripped my whole body and I found I was unable to use my basic motor functions to back away, or even scream. Lucius had almost reached me when James leapt forward and tackled him to the ground.

"No! I'll kill whoever touches her!"

"Stop it James," I whispered and found the strength to step forward. "It's ok. Do what you want, just please don't kill him."

I flinched and covered my face with my arms as a harsh and loud sound echoed all around the room. When i realised I wasn't hurt and James wasn't calling out in pain I chanced a look.

The sound was clapping. Lord Voldermort was applauding us.


	39. Chapter 39

hello, hello, hello,  
The dark times continue on, i promise some good and cuteness will be heading your way soon though, just give it some time.  
Another installment for you, a longer one this time but next time will probably be a little mini chapter. Writer's block sucks! As always i'm hoping everyone is well, especiall the best reviewers ever;

_**ravenclawLupin11, hello-goodbye146, Psychokillerhoney, KatieMAGICLove, Lilyflower33, RascalLil'Pixie, FaithfulHPReader, chloe'sfire, Skylar Jones, supacrazyhazey, amnazing, -Scp-, The DA is dressed to the nines, LiLoveheart, hptwilightlvr, M333gan, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, hpdreamer500.**_

**Thank you** pretty ones, your words mean **more** than I can say.

xx xx xx

* * *

JAMES

I lay on the floor, arms still around Malfoy in a tackle position as the applause starts.

"How incredibly entertaining," Voldermort says although his face is expressionless and his voice betrays no emotion. "Your loyalty is very commendable. Loyalty, bravery and raw determination, these things I value above all else and you seem to have more than enough of all, come to me boy, let me look at you."

I glance at Lily quickly and she nods slightly and then I slowly untangle myself from Malfoy and struggle to my feet, my joints bruised and sore.

With as much dignity as I could manage, I hobbled over, leaving a slight blood trail on the floor.

"You are a mighty young fellow aren't you? You are a rare breed Mr Potter, and we could always some more noble stock, you would do well under my command. You should consider this offer carefully, I can be merciful however rarely do I offer second chances. Choose wisely, you would never want for anything, power beyond your imagining could be yours and your protection would be ensured,"

"What about Lily?" I asked.

Red eyes flicked lazily over to Lily who stood frozen, but tall and proud.

"Admittedly, it would be a waste, however as I have told Severus on many occasions, there are better choices out there whom she would pale in comparison to,"

"So, that's it? You'd just kill her?"

Voldermort chuckled in his humourless tone again. "Don't be ridiculous boy, we would get information first, get the most use out of the girl and then she would be honoured with a painless, heroic death."

I stepped back and positioned myself in front of Lily, barricading her body with my own. "No,"

Voldermort raised an eyebrow. "Is that your final answer?"

I looked at Lily and gave her a smile, hoping she knew how much I loved her, if I was going to go out, I was going to go out big. "My final answer is _hell_ no, I would rather die then ever become a murderer like you and your little sheep."

Voldermort sighed and looked bored. "Disappointing, but very well, the choice is entirely your own."

"Severus, take your precious mudblood to the couch and make her comfortable, I wish her to view the demise of her young hero,"

I watched a slightly defeated looking hooded figure move with slow movement towards Lily and I moved Lily further behind me as he neared.

"Please move Potter, Severus will not harm her, surely you're aware of that by now?"

"No one is touching her," I snarl, backing both of us away from Severus's out stretched arms.

"I only asked out of consideration boy, I will use force if necessary," Voldermort told me coolly.

"Lay one finger on her and I will rip you limb from limb," I threatened Snape, ignoring Voldermort.

The next thing I knew I was forced to my knees from the pain surging through my muscles, bones and nerves. My whole body was burning with an intensity so fierce I had to bite down on my tongue to stop from screaming. Severus moved closer and all I could to protect Lily was throw myself at his feet and twitch around on the floor, working hard to keep from screaming and showing more weakness than I already had.

Just as suddenly as it came, the pain left and I was shaking on the ground, bloody and sweaty. Lily was no longer near me.

With an immense amount of effort I moved myself onto my feet and searched for her pretty face. She was struggling against Snape's hold on a luxurious sofa not far from where I stood. Front row seats I realised.

"Lily stop moving," Severus hissed. "You're in enough trouble, don't make it worse,"

"Shut up," Lily screamed back. "How can you just stand here and watch innocent people get murdered? How can you enjoy it? I'll sit here but don't you dare touch me, don't even come near me!"

The pain in her voice hurt me more than any curse ever could. Snape seemed to share the same sentiment as he shrunk back as if she'd slapped him.

"Do you see Severus? How ungrateful and petulant she is, when all you offer is support? Come back here child, we will not shun you," Voldermort said.

Slowly Severus moved away from Lily and then with a bow at Voldermort, left the room, not even turning back once.

"You will be dealt with later," Voldermort told Lily in an acidic tone. "For now, let's deal with your lover. Come Potter, let's play a game, I'm going to ask you a question and if you answer truthfully I will make your death quick, if you refuse to answer and lie, and believe me, I will know if you're lying, I will break every bone in your body and inflict agony so great you will beg me for death."

I refused to give him the satisfaction of answering, I just stood proud and prayed I would do my father proud and die bravely.

Voldermort moved swiftly towards me and then began to circle, trying to intimidate me although in fact he was just making me dizzy.

"Tell me Potter, is this how you thought your little plan would work out?"

"I wasn't planning on killing anyone but since I'm here…guess it worked out better," I replied casually.

"Poor little boy," he taunted. "Trying to play with grown ups and put on his brave act but that's all it is isn't it, an act?"

I didn't reply and then I was thrown to my knees again as this time my nose was broken and blood poured into my mouth.

Voldermort began to laugh and like sheep his death eaters followed only stopping once he had.

"What does your precious Dumbledore have planned?"

"Improving his sock collection," I gasped and my ear started burning and I lost hearing in it.

"Careful boy, my patience is wearing thin. I know you have information, and you _will_ tell me what you know. Now, tell me, what has Dumbledore organised for me to annihilate?"

I looked over at Lily, my vision slightly blurred but her beauty made me feel at peace at once. _I love you_ I mouthed before turning back to Voldermort and raising my head high.

"Idiot child, this is not bravery you're displaying but foolishness, do you think I will have any hesitation in breaking you?"

"Jesus, you love the sound of your own voice don't you?" I snarled.

Voldermort glared at me fiercely and the hair on the back of my head stood on end. After a few beats of silence he smiled at me with vicious satisfaction. "I can see you won't be co operative, so I will have to change tact. Rodolphus, bring the girl here,"

"What? No, no leave her alone!" I yelled just before I was lifted off my feet and thrown hard against a hard coffee table, I felt at least two of my ribs crack, yet the pain was nothing to what I would feel if I lost Lily.

I staggered to my knees as Lily struggled and kicked out at Lestrange as he dragged her to Voldermort in the centre of the room.

Voldermort walked around her in a slow circle, smiling in his nasty way. "Such a pretty specimen aren't you?"

Lily stuck her chin out proudly and crossed her arms over her chest in defiance. "What do you want?"

"Answers my dear, just answers. Your boyfriend is going to provide them,"

"And if he doesn't?"

In reply Voldermort raised an eyebrow and Lily's knees buckled and a single tear fell down her cheek as she struggled to keep from making a noise.

"Evans!" I screamed. "Cut it out, leave her alone!"

I tried to crawl towards her and got only a few metres before someone kicked me in the ribs again and I fell down once more, reaching out to Lily who was too far away to touch.

"Did you see that Potter? I was just warming up, now, do you have anything you would like to say to me?"

"James, don't tell him anything," Lily warned, glaring at me. "This is bigger than just the two of us, keep your mouth shut!"

I opened and closed my eyes several times, trying to make up my mind about what I was going to do versus what the right thing to do was.

"Do you need more encouragement?" Voldermort asked and turned to Lily again.

This time Lily shrieked as she writhed around on the floor, blood seeping out of her nose and ears as tears streamed steadily down her face.

"No!" I screamed. "No! Leave her alone! I'll tell you anything you want, just please, please stop hurting her. _LEAVE HER ALONE DAMNIT!"_

A few more seconds past and then Lily stopped shrieking and lay curled in a ball, whimpering.

"Wise choice boy, very wise choice. First thing's first though, I want you to bow to me, acknowledge me as your superior,"

I grit my teeth and clenched my fists. I would not do that. I would not die a coward at his feet. I would die strong like Moody, I would die making my parents proud. With all the energy I had left, I forced myself to my feet and stood proud.

"No. I will do whatever you want if it means you leave Lily alone, I'll tell you anything but I _will not bow to you_!"

Voldermort snarled at me and moved with alarming speed until we were face to face. "I will not ask you again, bow down before your master!"

"I would say the boy is not going to be intimidated Tom, perhaps it's best you just leave him be, I don't want to have to use force,"

With the sound of Dumbledore's voice I let my façade slip and dropped to my knees. We were saved, we weren't going to die today, Lily was safe. This was more than I could have ever hoped for.

"Oh Dumbledore, here to hold your students hands? Protect them from the big bad world instead of preparing them?"

Dumbledore swept forward, wand held out. "I'm going to ask you nicely Tom to leave with your followers so we can avoid any necessary blood shed," his tone was casual but there was an under tone of a threat behind his words and I watched incredulously as Voldemort took one small step back.

"That is not my name,"

Next everything happened so fast I barely could register anything. Without warning one of the chandeliers came crashing to the floor landing on the shoulders of Voldermort, forcing him to his knees. Then green, red and white lights shot across the room back and forth so quickly I could not make sense of which was friend and which was foe.

"Lily," I murmured, trying to crawl to where she was.

Next two pairs of strong arms pulled me up and then the scenery blurred and when it stopped, I was lowered gently onto my bed, Sirius and Remus looked down at me.

"What's going on?" I murmured, wincing as even talking stung.

"What's going on is you just got rescues brother," Sirius told me with a tight smile. "And you're bleeding all over your bed,"

"Lily?"

"Downstairs and safe, you did good looking out for her mate, she's got noting broken, just a bit shaken and bruised,"

"You did _great_," Remus added. "You might even have some cool battle scars,"

"Is everyone else ok?"

"Dumbledore, Moody and Shacklebolt haven't returned yet but they were kicking arse when we left. Gideon is a bit battered, he took the surveillance thing seriously and managed to place some software on some death eaters when we retrieved you and Remus has three broken ribs, other than that, you're the patient that needs the most care. Always trying to be the centre of attention still, I see," Sirius replied and grinned down at me.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Lily was safe, no one had died and we had escaped Lord Voldermort. When I woke up I was definitely going to drink to that.

*

My eyes felt raw and heavy when I came to, god only knew how many hours after. It felt like it took me forever to even be able to cock them open half way, so when I finally managed to force my eye lids open I was convinced I'd spent a good twenty minutes doing so.

"Awake now are we? About bloody time too!"

I spun around, arms up in a defensive stance only to find Alastor Moody leaning against the door frame…with one eye missing. I knew it was rude that it was probably offensive too but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the dark socket that now held nothing and was bleeding a little.

"Nice souvenir isn't it?" he drawled and I quickly turned my gaze away from his face and focused on my hands which were heavily bandaged.

"How long have I been out?" I managed to ask.

"Four days, which is four days too long. You had everyone here fussing around over you and worrying,"

"Four days? Wow, doesn't feel like I slept that long. Is everyone ok?"

"No one's dead if that's what you're asking,"

Now I did meet his one eyed gaze again. "Are they hurt badly then?"

He pointed to his empty eye socket. "I lost my eye, but that's all right, Dumbledore is working on a magical eye which will do better use than the original. Dumbledore had minor bruises, your buddy Black came back to join the fight after they put you to rest and has a nasty scar across his chest, Shacklebolt is still recovering and hasn't woken yet and the rest I think you knew about,"

I pressed my had back against the wooden frame. "It's my fault everyone got hurt,"

"Yes," he told me gruffly. "It is. Wait here, Dumbledore will want to know you're awake,"

I looked down at my body, lost in bruises and bandages and sighed. "Not as if I can just run out of here…or that I have anywhere else to go,"

Now that I was feeling more alert and had time to kill I looked around at my surroundings. I was in my room, well what used to be my room. It was now turned into a mini hospital room, with monitors all around my bed, a small cabinet with medicinal needs, flowers and sweets around my bed and even crisp bedding.

I leant over and picked up a hand made card, on the front was a flowing cape with a big red 'S' on it, this obviously was from Lily and some muggle thing. I opened the card up and barked out a laugh. Inside was a picture of me sleeping and Lily flexing next to my bed with the words written underneath;

_I'm getting really used to being the hero and having you be my damsel in distress, in fact, even Sirius was impressed with my ego. Wake up soon or I'll be forced to start painting your nails pink and sew myself my very own cape._

_Love you,_

_Lily._

"Sleeping beauty finally decided to grace us with his presence huh?"

I looked up and grinned at Lily who was standing at the door, a bottle of nail polish in her hands.

"Bringing me a present?" I asked, patting a space on my bed.

Lily moved into the room and sat on my bed, curling up close to me, shaking the bottle in my face. "I had the perfect shade of hot pink picked out for your nails too, kinda disappointed you didn't stay passed out for another hour or two so you could have woken up with beautiful nails,"

I sighed loudly in mock depression. "Oh no! That sucks so much, Evans why didn't you paint my nails sooner? How am I ever meant to attract a possible suitor now?"

Lily giggled and elbowed me gently, still making me wince.

"Ah Mr Potter, good to see you're awake and well and I suppose it should not come as a surprise to me that Miss Evans has returned to her post of watching you,"

I nodded at Dumbledore as he walked into the room with Moody.

"Good to see you sir,"

Dumbledore smiled softly. "Quite a pickle we found you in, you behaved very bravely, though I cannot pretend it was not a foolish move, facing off against Lord Voldermort completely out numbered and without back up,"

Moody stepped forward, face red, letting his anger and disproval shine through completely.

"Yes, about that Potter, are you really as stupid as you look pretty boy? What the hell could have motivated you to not only throw yourself but your friends into a suicide mission!"

"It wasn't a suicide mission sir, we had it planned out, they just seemed to have some warning and information about when we were coming, I don't know how and besides, all of our number's are nearly up, we're just choosing to fight back and risk the chance of dying instead of hiding away and facing the same risk," I replied, not liking his tone or the implications behind his words.

"You're just a boy, you're all just children! This is not a game Potter, don't be an idiot!"

"Take a look around you, does it look like we're having fun, that this is some kind of game to us? We stopped being children a long time ago, we may not be warriors or fully trained but we're young, passionate and willing to learn, _you'd_ be an idiot not to use that. "

Moody's lone eye bulged and he looked like he might kill me then and there, but just as I was ready to shield Evans from any attack he held his hand out to me.

"Good form Potter, that's exactly the kind of attitude to win this war,"

I took his hand and shook it firmly. "Thank you."

Dumbledore smiled down at me warmly again. "You have shown us just how much work there is yet to do, however, also how much hope we have. When you're feeling one hundred percent again I will be making daily visits to bring you and other members of the order news of the war and work with you all in defence so we can prevent innocent lives from being lost,"

"I'm feeling fine now, let's start," I replied, trying and failing to move off the bed quickly without showing how much it hurt.

Dumbledore's warm, gentle grip was on my shoulder, pushing me back down. "You would be a liability more than an asset in your current condition. Get yourself well and we will go from there,"

I groaned and pressed my head against the pillow in frustration, causing Moody to chuckle. "I like the fight in you Potter, you're going to go far. So rest up and keep vigilant!"

With a nod he stalked out of the room, Dumbledore gave us a smile and a wave and followed.

"Has Dumbledore been here the whole time?" I asked, resting my head against Lily's.

"He comes and goes, he's been really busy with the ministry but he always found time to come back and check on you, we wanted to make sure you were going to be awake for tomorrow,"

"Tomorrow?" I asked in confusion. "Should I remember what tomorrow is?"

Lily bit her lip nervously before answering. "It's Zane's funeral,"

LILY

Tears formed behind James eyes as soon as I mentioned Zane's name and I almost wished I hadn't said anything at all. Great going Lily he's only been up not even an hour and you're already unloading more burdens for him.

"I'll be there," James told me in a steady voice. "I would never miss it."

"I didn't think you'd want to, the doctors said you're probably best to keep off your feet for a couple days, your body took a massive beating. Dumbledore said he can organise a stretcher or even a wheel chair if you prefer for the service,"

James gave me a sour look. "I'm going to walk,"

"What? Potter don't be ridiculous, you're not fully healed yet, you don't always have to be strong you know,"

James turned his face away from me and stared at the picture of his parents with him when he was younger. "Yes, I do."

I sighed deeply and took his hand in mine, gently tracing over the shallow cuts that marred them. "Listen…I really wanted to thank you,"

"Thank me?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah for you know…for doing everything you could to protect me, for always putting me first and I don't know for willing to die just on the chance I could live, I can't even tell you how much it means to me,"

James smiled and it lit up his bruised face. "Evans, I love you,"

That was it. His explanation for everything. With James Potter, life was just that simple, you were good to those you loved, fought the ones you didn't and lived your life as best you could, considering what you were given.

"I could live a thousand lives and still never deserve you James Potter," I told him honestly.

He chuckled and pulled a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "That's crazy talk Evans, what universe are you living in?"

I rolled my eyes and picked up the mirror Sirius had left by his bed side table and faced it so he could see how much damage had been inflicted…due to me.

"Look!"

James's eyes widened as much as they could with the bruising and I watched as he took in his two bruised eyes, healing broken nose, cuts along his cheeks and bandaged ear.

Finally he put the mirror down and looked up at me. "You're just proving my point, how am I meant to seduce you when I look like this?"

I groaned. "You're not taking this seriously, I'm the reason you have all these injuries!"

James took my hands and kissed where there were bruises. "And I'm the reason you got hurt. Evans, this isn't something either of us can avoid. It's war, people are going to get hurt, _we're_ going to get hurt. I think we should be positive because we made it out alive, how about you focus on that?"

I sighed again. "You're incredibly irritating when you're rational and impossible to argue with, do you know that?"

"But you still love me right?" he asked with a small smile.

I leaned over and kissed him gently. "Always,"

"Good, now where's Sirius? If I have to stay in bed all day I'm going to take advantage of having everyone else do things for me,"

I giggled and nestled in closer.

*

The next morning I got up extra early so I could help Sirius make breakfast, James' favourite breakfast to be exact, we wanted today to be as easy and stress free for him as possible.

"Wow Sirius, how did you get the love heart to actually set in the middle of the pancake like that without making it run?"

He smirked at me. "Chef's secret Evans, I can't reveal my tricks,"

"You're the one that has always tried to push me and James together, make sure that we have a happy future, how are we meant to have a happy future if I don't even know how to make his favourite food properly? Are you trying to curse the relationship before we've really had a chance to begin?" I demanded, pouting my lips.

Sirius stared at me for a moment, with sad eyes and was just about to reply but suddenly his eyes grew darker and then he smirked at me. "Oh you almost had me there Evans, bad form using your mind ninja tricks on me! Make yourself useful and go and take the first batch to Jimmy ok?"

I stuck my tongue out at him but too the tray which had a stack of three pancakes, some strawberries, maple syrup and butter on it and headed to James' room.

I walk in to find James, sweat dripping from his forehead and neck working hard to stand on his own two feet without any assistance.

"Potter!" I cry out, quickly placing the tray down and reaching him just before he stumbles over. "Are you ok?"

He shoves my hands away impatiently. "Evans don't touch me! I need to do this for myself,"

Stung, I move back and turn away from him, unable to watch him struggle and not do anything to help. A few times I hear a thump which I assume can only be James faltering to the ground, although he never calls out and never gives any indication of giving up. Eventually I grow impatient and I'm just about to leave when a warm hand catches my wrist, forcing me to spin around.

James is smiling at me with the most tender expression on his face mixed with a triumphant look in his eyes. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me, will you let me make it up to you?"

I shrugged. "Nothing to make up for, I brought you breakfast, Sirius made it, I better go down and see if he's burnt down the kitchen yet,"

His hold on my wrist tightens and I look up at him. "Lily, please, I didn't mean to upset you, I just needed to do it myself ok? Please, have breakfast with me?"

Damn him and that face which I could never say no to. "Alright, but only because they look so good,"

James kissed each of my hands and smiled at me. "I'll take what I can get,"

We ate in silence the delicious pancakes which really were like a bite of heaven, until Sirius came bounding in the door with a big stack of pancakes and the whole crew to enjoy them with us.

"Made it to your feet?" Sirius asked James as he piled a big stack of pancakes on our shared plate.

"All by myself too," James replied proudly.

"Wow, maybe next week you'll be running, my boy is growing up so fast!"

James rolled his eyes. "Shut up,"

Carla, Alice and Violet stepped past Sirius to move over to James so they could envelop him in a group hug between them.

"We're so glad you're ok," Violet told him.

"Really, we were all so worried, Sirius nearly started growing grey hairs," Carla added.

James smirked at Sirius. "Scared you were getting rid of me for good mate?"

"Knew I wouldn't get that lucky," Sirius replied gruffly.

"This feels weird," Alice said softly.

"What does, love?" Frank asked.

"Laughing, acting like everything is normal when we're about to go to a funeral,"

Silence followed her remark and the cheerful mood was killed instantly.

"He would want this," James said softly. "For us to be happy, Zane would want that for us,"

We finished our break fast in silence after that, Sirius glaring at Alice for opening her mouth and James looking thoughtful as he carefully cut his pancakes up.

"Shall we head off then?" Remus asked once we'd taken our plates down to the kitchen.

James, still walking on stiff and healing legs nodded. "Yeah, don't want to be late. Evans, some help please?"

Immediately I took James hand and closed my eyes. When I opened them we were at Zane's house. A small cottage with a beautiful garden out the front. Already I could see witches, wizards and muggles alike heading around the side of the gate to the back yard where the service was being held.

"Come on," I said to James quietly. "Let's get a good seat,"

It took us a little longer than everyone else to get to our spot since James was still unsteady on his feet, however we got there in time and without my having to help James once.

The ceremony started with a slide show of Zane as a baby up until now, lots of naked shots too which I'm sure if Zane was watching somehow, he would be laughing in embarrassment of. His pastor spoke next about Zane's promise and angelic behaviour which was better suited to where he was resting now. James sat stiff as a board next to me through it all, no emotion displayed on his face until Zane's mother got up to say a few words.

"Uh…hello. First I just wanted to say thank you all so, so much for coming to celebrate Zane's beautiful life, it means the world to us. I don't…I don't really have the words to say to express how much I loved him. I just…the worst pain in the world is losing your child, I can't describe it to you…I…"

She broke off to try and cover a sob without much success which made James lean forward, watching her face intently. After a hug from her husband, she took another deep breath and continued.

"I won't take up too much more of your time, I just want to read a poem aloud and that will be it; it's by W.H Auden,

'Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,  
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,  
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum  
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead  
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,  
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,  
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
My working week and my Sunday rest,  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;  
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.  
For nothing now can ever come to any good.'

She paused to stare at the crowd with tear stained cheeks, I'm sure nearly all of our faces matched her own, even James had silent tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Please never forget him, I know he'll never forget us,"

With a final nod she slowly moved off the podium and her husband took her place. "I'm going to keep this short and sweet, so then we can say our final farewells and start the healing process. I just want you to all remember the good times. Remember the laughter, not the tears. Remember the loving, not the anger. Remember the courage and not the pain. Please look after each other, life is so precious. Most importantly don't be afraid to love, laugh and live your life to the fullest, he would not want us to be sad. Thank you,"

With a pained smile he left to go and comfort his wife again, ending the speeches.

After the pastor gave a small speech on the preciousness of life and thanking everyone for coming, he invited us to say our last farewell to Zane, who was lying in a coffin at the front, near the podium.

James was one of the first to his feet, moving with deliberate steps to the front. I watched as he leant over, whispered something in Zane's ear, placed something on his chest and then pressed his forehead against Zane's for a few moments before wiping a tear away and walking off.

I moved up next and noticed a swatch of pinks and purples was on Zane's chest; James' gift. Zane looked just as beautiful in death as he was in life. His dark hair was gelled perfectly in place, his skin flawless, they had dressed him in a black muggle suit with the Slytherine emblem sewn into the chest pocket.

"Miss you, I hope you've found peace," I whispered before I pressed my lips against his cold cheek. "Good bye,"

With a final look at Zane, I turned away to go and find James, he was standing alone in the shadows of the back yard.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hey,"

"You doing ok?"

James shrugged. "I guess I just never thought I'd have to do this, go to a funeral for a friend at this age,"

I placed my hand on his shoulder in comfort. "I know, I'm so sorry,"

James sighed. "It's ok…well it's not ok, but it will be, we're going to make it ok,"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and tilted my face up for a kiss. "Yeah, we are,"


	40. Chapter 40

Hey everyone, debated over whether to post this, still not completely happy with it. So, forgive me for the lack of creativity in this one.

Wishing everyone many days filled with beauty, laughter and love.

To my reviewers;

**chloe's fire, Adorkably Adorkable, XXJAMESLILYXX, DigiNetaChan, Psychokillerhoney, -Scp-, supacrazyhazey, RascalLil'Pixie, shroomy-eyes, hello-goodbye146, dreamingofsunshine, ravenclawLupin11, hptwilightlvr, The DA is dressed to the nines, FaithfulHPReader, KatieMAGICLove, LiLoveheart, M333gan.**

Thank you pales so much in comparison to how much it all means to me, your words and time spent on reading. You're the best.

* * *

JAMES

"It was a beautiful service, don't you think?" Lily asked, still pressed firmly against me.

"As far as funeral's go yeah it was nice," I replied.

Lily pressed a kiss to my neck. "I keep thinking it's going to get easier, but I think the more often it happens, the worse I feel,"

"Nothing prepares you for nonsensical death love, that's completely natural,"

"I know. I feel so awful though, like I'm the worst person ever,"

I stare down at her in surprise. "Whatever for?"

"Because I…god I sound like a monster…some part of me was relieved because it wasn't you or someone who held a piece of me. If you died, if I ever lost you…I just don't think I'd have the strength to get out of bed in the morning,"

I stroked her face tenderly. "That doesn't make you a monster Evans, it makes you human. I know what you mean,"

"Do you want to get a drink?" Lily asked, trying to break the tension that had crept up all around us.

Actually, I just wanted to get out of here, I hated funerals, I'd had enough for…well…ever.

"I think I want to head off," I replied. "I want to do a couple things before I head home, there's someone I need to see,"

"Are you sure?" Lily asked, concerned. "Did you want me to come with you?"

"No love, thank you, but I just need to have some alone time. You're not mad right?"

Lily gave me a gentle smile. "Of course I'm not mad, I understand completely, it's a pretty intense atmosphere isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Thank you for understanding,"

"What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't?"

I smiled and kissed her briefly on the lips. "You're the best girlfriend ever,"

"I'll see you at home?"

"It'll be the only thing to look forward to at the end of today," I replied.

Lily gave me one of the heart stopping smiles, blew me a kiss and then moved away to go and join Alice who was comforting Kyla.

I took one last look around and with a final nod at Zane's lifeless body, I apparated

She was waiting for me when I got there, just as I knew she would be, she was always there when I needed something I couldn't get from anyone else.

I picked a flower from a near by tree and drew closer, hoping it would be enough to appease the time I've been away. I stopped, right in front of her and smiled broadly.

"Hey mum, sorry it's been so long,"

I placed the flowers on top of the head stone and lay on my stomach on top of her grave, arms wide open as if I could hug her if I really tried hard enough.

"I miss you so much mum, it's not the same with out you. I've just come from Zane's funeral, you would have loved him, it was like having another Sirius around but less sex orientated. I wish you were both still here…Lily and I are going good, she moved in, but we sleep in separate rooms so don't worry, no little rug rats are in our immediate future. Dad still hasn't woken up…sometimes I think he never will because there's no you to pull him out of it…"

I broke off and swallowed a sob that threatened to burst through before trying again. "I just feel so lost mum, I know it's time to grow up and I'm ready to be a man, I'm ready to take control and I'm ready to protect people, but I just…I'm not ready to do any of that without you and dad, I'm not prepared to live out my life without having you to experience everything with me and I don't know how to make those feelings go away, how to fully embrace the future when I'm stuck in the past,"

My eyes filled with tears but none fell this time. I sighed and rolled onto my back and looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful day, blue skies, sunny, not many clouds in sight and a peaceful breeze blowing through. A perfect day. Go figure. Zane probably had something to do with it, no rain on his parade. I smiled softly up at the sky. Miss you brother.

I sighed deeply and turned over again, tracing my mum's name softly on her tomb stone. "Wish you were here,"

At that moment a beautiful feather flew towards me carried by the wind, caressing my cheek before coming to a stop in front of me. The feather was a brilliant gold, my mum's favourite colour. As stupid as it sounded, I felt deep down that maybe my mum had sent it, to let me know that she was still with me, had never really left. I held onto the feather tight like it was my lifeline, and in a way…it was.

*

When I finally got home, it was nearing dinner time and Lily wasn't anywhere to be seen, she must still be at the celebration of Zane's life gathering. The house was dark, empty and cold. It felt alien to me and almost like a haunted house, certainly not like a home. I didn't bother turning any of the lights on as I traipsed through the corridors, moving from room to room trying to find some warmth, some sense of belonging. It never came.

I stopped at the entrance to my room and couldn't even bring myself to enter. There was still medical equipment strewn about, cards, flowers and candies still covering my bedside table, it was still a medical room, not my own at all.

I slowly backed away from my room and headed towards Lily's, maybe this would make me feel better. I opened her door and poked my head in, a cold draft blew past me. The walls were covered in photo's of all of our friends and her family, the bed was still messy from this morning and there was a pile or clothes neatly folded on a chair. I moved in the room to her bed, sitting on the edge. I took a few deep breaths and tried to relax, tried to push the anxiety aside but it was no use. Even surrounded by Lily's things, her scent and her photo's of happier times it still felt foreign to me. I guess Lily was the key, without her here it was just a room with her things in it, not her room.

I sighed and pushed myself onto my feet, hating the fact that it took me two goes before I was steady and could walk without needing to sit back down.

I closed her door gently behind me and turned to notice the door at the end of the hallway. The door I had not been inside for months now, the door that lead to my parents bedroom.

With a mind of their own my feet moved sluggishly forward and it wasn't until I stopped in front of the door, I realised where they were taking me, what I subconsciously wanted to do.

My hands shook as I reached for the door handle and for a moment I forgot how to breathe. My hands pressed down and pushed and then the door creaked open on itself, swinging out of my grasp. My breath caught in my throat as I stumbled forward. Nothing had been touched, nothing had been moved, it was exactly how they had left it. My dad's side was an organised mess, with papers piled up on the night stand, drawer still half open and over flowing, shoes kicked off by the bed. Mum had her side of the beat neatly made, clothes hung up perfectly, drawers shut and no doubt organised, a book by her bed with an empty glass. There was a massive family portrait above the bed, a candid shot including Sirius. Mum was on dad's back laughing and Sirius had jumped in my arms, my look was still or surprise as he looked devilishly happy. I choked back a sob as I clumsily stumbled backwards, trying to put some space between me and the harsh reality in front of me. It was too much, this house was too much, the memories, the ghosts of smiles, the loss that filled every room, was just way too much for me. It was this moment that I realised I couldn't live here anymore, that I was never going to be able to move on with a future if I was stuck living in the past.

I ran as fast and as best as I could, out of the house and out the back to the garden, only stopping when I reached the bottom of my tree house. With uneven breath I looked up at my childhood fort, the place I could be whatever I wanted and for a second I felt home. Without thinking of how it would affect my healing wounds, of how much it would hurt, I began to climb, grunting through the pain, keeping myself focused until I reached the top.

"Password."

"Lily Evans,"

The door swung open and my familiar surroundings immediately put me at ease. I walked to the bean bags and fell into one, noticing the photo albums Lily had become obsessed with were still out. I pulled one into my lap and flipped through. It was one of the new ones Lily had made; of Alice and Frank's wedding. The first photo was all of us boys in our finest clothes pulling the silliest faces, a vast contrast from our outfits and actions. Next the girls all hugging with bright smiles on their faces in their beautiful dresses. Photo after photo depicted everyone smiling, having a good time and the beauty that has become so rare. It was funny, how in photos you only see the best, the happy times, you never get to see the bride freaking out, the groom throwing up before hand and the bridesmaids avoiding drunken hands. I wouldn't mind that, living in the happiest of times in photo's. The last photo was my favourite. It was me and Lily dancing, our heads bent close together, our noses touching and our eyes staring deep within each others. It was a snap shot in time of love, the purest form.

I snapped the book shut and scrambled to my feet. Lily and I were going to have a happy ending, just live I promised. I just needed to take care of a few things before that happened.

I moved to my secret passageway and once in my little downstairs room, I moved to the fish pond and dug my hand in; retrieving the dagger at the bottom.

LILY

Sirius raised his glass in a toast, slopping liquid down onto his pants as he swayed slightly. "To Zane, the best and brightest of what it means to be a great person. Pure blood, half blood, muggle blood whatever, he was a good man with a good soul and although I didn't know him too well, today I feel the loss of him, today I miss him, to Zane, a Griffindor at heart!"

We all raised our glasses in a toast and then I took a small step forward. "The world lost a great person when we lost Zane and it won't ever be the same. Everything seems flatter, the sun doesn't shine as bright, the birds cease singing and my heart is broken. Zane will live on in our heart, our memories and in the beauty of the world. He will never be forgotten,"

I stepped back and everyone mumbled their agreements. Finally Frank stepped forward, determination etched into his face.

"This will be the last friend we bury, this will be the last loved one we bury, this will be the last time we suffer at the hands of those without love in their hearts. Zane will not have died in vain, every day we will fight for him, and every day we will triumph, because we will not give in. This is for you buddy,"

I raised my glass and drank deep, Frank's words touching me and affecting my deep inside. He was right, of course. We could not continue on this way, we couldn't lose our faith, our hope and our reasons to celebrate. Now, more than ever we needed to unite and not let anything tear us apart, we needed to stand strong as one and fight but also love and enjoy life.

I thought of James and all that he had lost and how he was still gentle, still loving. James Potter was my inspiration in so many ways, I realised that as long as I had him in my life, I couldn't lose. He was mine, for eternity and losing him was not an option.

"Hey guys, I think I'm going to head off," I told everyone.

"Are you sure?" Alice asked. "You haven't eaten anything yet,"

"I'll make some dinner for me and James, I want to check he's doing alright, he was closest to Zane after all,"

Alice nodded and patted my shoulder encouragingly, as did Frank. Sirius surprised me by enveloping me in a huge hug and passing me to Remus who gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Make sure you take care of our boy," Sirius told me with a pained smile as Carla and Violet gave me a joint hug and Peter just nodded at me.

"Always do," I replied. "Try not to get too drunk,"

A trace of a genuine smile hinted through as Sirius looked at me. "Zane wouldn't want it to go to waste, tell Prongs I'll be over tomorrow for lunch,"

I got on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his cheek in a sisterly manner. "See you all soon, I love you,"

I apparated right after and found the house empty, cold and dark. That's weird.

I moved through each room, calling out to James and only an eerie silence greeted me in return. I moved to the hallway at the end of the house and saw the Potters' bedroom door open, I moved cautiously forward, prepared for an attack and when I reached the door way I was completely disarmed.

Everything was how it was the morning they had set out before their deaths. The glass on Claire's nightstand was still there, lipstick marks tainting the top of the clear glass, Harold's slippers were still sitting in the same position he had kicked them off in. The familiarity of this scene, how casual and normal it looked stunned me, winded me so I was struggling to breathe. This must have been a million times harder for James, I backed out slowly, shutting the door again.

I stood in the darkness for a few beats of silence until it came to me; I knew where James was. I moved swiftly out of the house and headed to the tree house outside.

*

I climbed up and stopped at the big door.

"Password."

God I really hope he hasn't changed it so he can really be alone.

"Lily Evans?"

The door swung open and I grinned. I still had it.

I walked in to a pitch black room, I couldn't make out much, except the glistening pages of the photo albums spread on the floor. James wasn't anywhere to be seen as far as I could tell and when I tried to flick the light switch on but it didn't work, I remained in the darkness that was starting to freak me out. Maybe I shouldn't have come here, James must be below and deliberately kept this room as dark as possible to discourage anyone from finding his entrance to below.

It was stupid to come here, he's just lost a friend and needs to deal with his grief in his own way, I should go.

I almost reach the door when something stops me, something I should have picked up as soon as I walked in; a scent. A really pretty, flowery scent, what was it?

At that moment the lights came on and my mouth dropped. The room was covered in hundreds of lily's, the most beautiful, fresh Lily's I'd ever seen.

"You look surprised,"

I whip around to find James lounging against the wall, smirking at me.

"It's not something I expected to come to, that's for sure. Any reason we're surrounded by flowers?" I ask.

James shrugs. "I wanted to surround myself with something beautiful that I love, it was the closest thing I could get to you. How was it, after I left?"

"Beautiful, depressing, touching, life changing," I reply.

James nods. "Yeah, I'll bet. Sirius get drunk?"

I half smiled. "He's on his way. Are you doing ok?"

"Better than ever, I just had some things I needed to do,"

I smiled at him warmly. "I understand, are you feeling better?"

James moved forward and it was only then that I see he has a very dangerous looking dagger in his hand. Immediately I started backing away, hands raised.

"Whoa, you wanna put that down Potter?"

James looked at the dagger and then back and me and smiled. "But I have something for you."

Oh shit, he's going to kill me. James has gone crazy with grief and I'm going to get stabbed to death.

"Evans, don't fear me I'm not a monster," he whispered.

"You're pointing a dagger at me," I replied backing up until my back pressed against the wall. "I'm trying to slow my heart down."

James took the last steps forward and I threw my arms up and closed my eyes, bracing myself for the pain.

It didn't come.

I opened my eyes to find James on one knee in front of me, although still holding the dagger.

"Are you ok?" I asked, my worries about his mental health pushed aside for my worries for his health in general.

"I love you Lily Evans, and I can't live in a world with out you by my side, the whole way. I knew the moment I laid my eyes on you that I would spend the rest of my life with you, that you had to be mine. Lily, you are my everything, the best part of me and the heart beating in my chest. No matter where life takes us, that will never change. I promise to do the dishes, to try and mind my manners, to care for you, to protect you, to make you laugh, treat you like the Princess you are to me and spend every day loving you even more than the last."

He stops and turns to pick a lily and place it gently in my hand before gesturing around him.

"When my dad built this for me when I was little, he told me that it was a place where I would be safe, a place to belong, he told me in here I could be who ever I wanted to be. Well right now, and for the rest of my life, I want to be your husband, the only man loving you. The world could end tomorrow and as long as I had you, it would be all I need. Will you marry me Lily Evans?"

He pressed on the dagger and the hilt opened up, revealing the most beautiful, diamond ring surrounded by emeralds. Taking the ring out and handling it with care, James tossed the dagger aside and looked up at me, more vulnerable than ever.

My breath caught in my throat, and tears filled my eyes as I looked down at him, my boyfriend, my best friend, my better half. How could I not want to wake up to that face every morning and kiss those lips every night?

"Yes," I whispered.

"C-come again?"

"Yes! Of course I will!"

I waited for the ring to go on my finger for James to sweep me into his arms and shower me with kisses, but instead he fell off, hands shaking and started to cry ever so slightly.

Was I meant to say no? Was that why he'd asked? God this was not how I pictured this to go.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I never thought you'd say yes," he replied with a tight voice. "I have wanted to ask you for years, I've dreamed of this day, but I never thought you'd actually say yes,"

I got down on my knees in front of him. "Do you really think I'm that much of a bitch?"

James lowered his hands and looked up at me, with complete sincerity in his eyes. "No, I'm just that undeserving,"

Before I could rebut, he pulled me on top of him and kissed me with a passion I had never encountered before, breaking apart only to try and conceal how much pain he was feeling.

Gently I moved off him, brought the bean bags over and helped him cushion his injuries as best I could, once he was as comfortable as he was going to get, he pulled me close and I curled my body around his, two halves of a whole.

"You need to get some sleep," I told him. "You shouldn't have even been on your feet today,"

"I don't want to sleep," he replied stubbornly.

"And why not?"

James looked away before replying. "What if I wake up and this was just a beautiful dream?"

I look at him in awe and then hover my left hand in front of him, taking the hint James took the ring and put it on my ring finger; it was a perfect fit.

"I'm not going anywhere," I told him firmly. "You'll wake up and I'll still be here, I'm always going to be here,"

James smiled and closed his eyes. "Sweeter words have never been spoken,"

"Don't fall asleep just yet," I said, starting to get up. "You're going to make everything worse if you fall asleep here,"

Panic filled James' eyes. "I can't go back-"

I pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. "You don't need to go back to your room ok? Just move to the bed downstairs,"

James beamed at me and slowly moved himself to his feet. "You're going to be a good wife,"

I chuckled. "Wife? I was just getting used to girlfriend!"

"You have the whole fiancée step first though," he reminded me.

"Fiancée huh? I kind of like it," I replied, loving how it sounded.

"Do you have a flask or anything?" he asked suddenly.

"No, what for?"

"I want this memory to keep forever, I don't want to forget one detail, this has been the best moment of my life,"

I grinned at him as we descended into the secret area. "You're so corny. Oh wait, we can't get married!"

"What! Why?"

I smiled at him slyly. "You won't be able to call me 'Evans' anymore,"

James' whole face relaxed and he lowered himself onto the bed, looking completely blissed out. "I think I'll learn to go on, Mrs Potter sounds better anyway,"


	41. Chapter 41

Still finding my footing again in the story. Bear with me, please?

This story, as always is dedicated to those that inspire me to write it;

**LiLoveheart, -Scp-, DigiNetaChan, shroomy-eyes, hello-goodbye146, hpdreamer500, FaithfulHPReader, supacrazyhazey, Opa12, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, Tweetiekins, Psychokillerhoney, The DA is dressed to the nines, KatieMAGICLove, XXJAMESLILYXX, hptwilightlvr.**

If I could send each and every one of you flowers/chocolate/cuddles, I really would.  
_Thank you._

* * *

JAMES

As awareness tried to worm it's way into my consciousness, I fought hard against it. No, I was having the best dream! I couldn't wake up yet, I didn't want to have to deal with the harsh reality of the world, just let me stay in my perfect world with Evans for a couple hours more, let me imagine that it's possible in any way for Evans to want to marry me. Just please don't take away my happiness just yet.

"James, stop moving or I'm going to roll you onto the floor,"

I froze. Lily? In my bed? Maybe I was still in a dream.

I moved around further, trying to sink deeper into the dream, to reach Lily's voice and find her face when I felt a pressure on my back and then I was rolling and landed roughly on the floor.

"Ouch!" I cried out, as pain made its way all through my body I couldn't just concentrate on one spot.

"Oh my god James! I'm so, sorry I forgot you were still injured, here let me help you up,"

I opened my eyes now and saw Lily, eyes darkened from sleep still, hair tousled and hanging over her shoulders, wearing only her underwear and reaching out to me with a hand that held an engagement ring. The engagement ring I gave her…in my dream.

"Is this real?" I blurted out, still half convinced I was dreaming.

"Is what real?" she asked.

I didn't reply, just simply pointed to the ring on her finger.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're going to give me a complex, yes it's real, yes you asked me to marry you, and yes, I agreed,"

"Why?" the word slipped out before I could stop it.

Lily stared at me like I'd slapped her. "Because I love you, you idiot and there could never be anyone else for me,"

At that moment nothing hurt, my injuries disappeared and all that mattered was Lily was mine. Forever.

I leapt up and jumped on the bed, making sure I didn't crush her.

Lily giggled and tried to squirm away. "What are you doing? Let me go!"

I grinned and pinned her down so she couldn't escape. "Never! You're mine forever, I'm never letting you go,"

Lily smiled at me tenderly and moved her head off the pillow to reach up and press her lips against mine, I loosened my hold to caress her face and within seconds she had rolled out from under me and slipped off the bed.

"Sneaky," I said with a smirk, "I'm impressed."

"I grew up playing kiss chasey, I was the best at avoiding the actual kissing part,"

"Because you used your body to distract the boys?" I teased.

"I was ten Potter I had no body or any awareness on how to use it, but I had a damn good smile and I was a gymnast, so I was flexible and able to slink away," she replied, moving to the mirror to start brushing out her hair.

"Is it weird that, that statement was kinda hot to me?"

Lily chuckled. "Maybe a little, but it's what I can usually expect from you,"

_Thump thump thump_

"What was that?" Lily asked, alarmed.

"I'm not sure," I replied, reaching around for my wand before realising I didn't have it; Voldermort had it confiscated.

_Thump, thump, thump._

"I think they're trying to get in," Lily whispered, eyes frantic.

I look over at Lily and again strength fills me. "I'm going to go and take care of it,"

"No! What if you get hurt?" Lily cries.

"Your faith in me in mildly insulting Evans, I'll be back,"

Lily smiles slightly. "That's future Mrs Potter to you,"

I grinned broadly. "And that's why I'll be back. Stay here ok?"

Lily nodded and gave me a brave smile, I gave her a wink in return as I grabbed an old broom as a weapon and proceeded to the main entrance, I'd have to find the dagger if I had time.

_Thump, thump, thump!  
_Jesus Christ, they didn't give up did they? I moved closer to the door, ready to pull it open and attack when a thought stopped me. If someone was going to kill us, why the hell would they be knocking? Just for good measure I palmed the broom, ready to strike and then opened the door.

All I saw was a dark figure and reflex kicked in and I swept their feet from under them, landing them on the floor before pointing the broom at their throat.

"Jesus Christ Prongs! What's your trauma!"

Immediately I dropped the broom and offered Sirius my hand. "Shit mate, I'm sorry I'm just a bit on edge you know,"

Sirius placed his hand in mine and before I could pull him up I was dumped onto the floor next to him.

"Is everyone ok? What happened?"

I looked up to see Lily looking down at us bemused, wearing my shirt that came down to her knees. I had never seen anything so sexy in my life. I noticed Sirius was staring at Lily too and I elbowed him hard before sighing in exasperation.

"Evans, I thought I told you to stay down there?"

"You did,"

"And you're here why?"

Lily grinned wickedly. "I didn't listen,"

I smiled at her indulgently. "We're going to have to work on that,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "James, we have the rest of our lives together to work on a lot of things, but I can almost guarantee you, I am always going to be exactly as I am now,"

"Perfect forever? I can't complain with that," I replied.

Sirius groaned next to me. "Jesus I am way too hung over for all this lovey dovey crap, can someone help me up and explain to me what's going on?"

Lily reached down and my too big shirt opened a bit and I saw her black lacey bra through the gap and the shirt rode up her legs exposing creamy thighs and slender long legs. _Hell yes, I am going to have the hottest wife in history._

I stiffened as I changed my sitting position. _Sirius is right next to you idiot, you can't jump Evans now, focus._

I allowed Lily to help me to my feet and then I helped Sirius up, feeling very possessive of my now fiancée and not wanting to share her with anyone.

"So Evans, I'm loving the outfit," Sirius told Lily with a smirk as we all sat on the bean bags.

Lily blushed. "Thanks Sirius,"

"Do you think you could explain why Prongs tried to club me with a broomstick this morning?"

Lily smirked. "Maybe he was trying to propose?"

I groaned. Yup, I was never going to live this one down.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius asked, rubbing his head.

Lily gestured that I go on. "Evans and I are going to get married, I asked last night and she agreed,"

Sirius's eyes practically popped out of his head. "You…she…together…but…what!"

Lily giggled. "It's true, I have now officially given up any chance of escaping Potter,"

Sirius massaged his temples, head lowered. "But how is that possible? Prongs, you didn't like…use the Imperius curse right? Because buddy, there are other ways!"

I rolled my eyes. "No Sirius,"

"He did come at me with a dagger though," Lily added.

Sirius looked ready to shake me vigorously at that moment. "You…you what? Prongs, what was the number one rule your dad told us? _Never use magic or force to win a woman's heart! _Evans, are you ok? Do you feel light headed? Are you feeling alright?"

Lily giggled again. "Apart from developing a complex about how nice I am, I'm fine,"

"Padfoot shut up and let me explain ok? I hid the ring in the dagger so no one could steal it and it was safe, it was the dagger dad gave me too and the ring was my nan's ok? I would never hurt Evans, you know that," I turned to Lily and raised an eyebrow. "Evans should have known that too. So everything is fine, I didn't force it or manipulate Evans in any way shape or form,"

Sirius remained unmoving and silent for quite some time. I worried maybe I'd shocked him into a catatonic state when suddenly he jumped to his feet.

"Ha! Ha ha ha! You did it Prongs, you actually did it! Come here you sexy man!"

I was pulled to my feet and then enveloped in a massive hug and lifted off the floor as he moved me around the room in a victory lap.

"Padfoot put me down," I chuckled.

Sirius gingerly did so and then charged at Lily, running towards her and then throwing her over his shoulder and spinning her around before placing on the ground and continuing to envelop her in a bear hug.

"Oh man, this is just…this is…wow…I am so happy for you guys!"

"Sirius?" Lily asked tentatively. "Are you actually crying?"

Sirius swiped at the tears impatiently. "No! I'm just releasing tension through my eyes, I do it sometimes it's completely normal,"

Lily smiled and gave Sirius a kiss on the cheek. "Who knew Sirius Black was such a romantic?"

"Hey! I'm Mr. Monogamy now!"

Lily and I both burst out laughing. "Our mistake,"

"This is perfect though, just what we all need to lighten the mood! Everyone is going to be here soon, Dumbledore is calling a meeting with the Order and since I was coming here for lunch anyway, I thought everyone should come too,"

I raised an eyebrow. "You were coming for lunch?"

Lily smiled apologetically at me. "Guess I forgot to mention that huh? Oops."

I shook my head. "Might have to work on communication too. When is everyone getting here mate?"

Sirius looked down at his watch and then looked up sheepishly. "About five minutes,"

Lily squeaked. "Sirius! I can't meet Dumbledore and everyone dressed like this!"

Sirius smirked. "I suggest you put some clothes on then,"

With a glare Lily stormed off and out of the room, I doubt we'd see her for another half hour…at least.

Silence filled the room as Sirius just stared at me awe struck.

"Sirius, you're creeping me out, can you look somewhere else?"

Sirius smiled and moved closer so he could put an arm around me. "You are going to have the most _epic_ bachelor party _ever_! We're going to have to hold it two weeks before the wedding to give you time to recover!"

I shake my head with a smile and start to head out of the tree house, hoping my happiness will be enough to eradicate the suffocation I feel inside the house. "Thanks mate,"

"I can't believe it. I really am happy for you man, you and Evans are like the light at the end of the tunnel for everyone else that happily ever afters do exist,"

I nudged him playfully. "You've gotten soft in your old age mate,"

Sirius shrugged. "Just got my priorities in order now, do you need help getting down?"

We'd reached the end of the platform, I looked down at the fifty or so steps I'd need to take to get down and then looked down at myself, I was basically one big massive bruise.

"Help might be nice," I muttered, feeling like my pride had also taken a bashing.

Sirius smiled. "Did you want to climb on my back, have me carry you in my arms or just hold my hand?"

I scowled and held my hand out. Sirius took it and with a swipe of his wand we were on the ground.

"I'm going to take a shower real quick," I told him as I limped towards the house, each step getting colder and colder.

"I'm going to start lunch," Sirius replied, following after me.

I nodded and as we stepped into the house I was almost paralysed with dread. I didn't want to be here, couldn't be here.

"Prongs, you ok man?"

I turned to Sirius and forced a smile. "Just tired and sore I guess, shower will help,"

As I walked away I silently kicked myself. Get your head on straight James this isn't a childish game. This is your home and bad memories of not you need to get your shit together and go on, this isn't just about you anymore.

I nodded to myself, pushing away any bad feelings. I needed to step up, I had others that needed me, Lily needed me.

That thought propelled me forward with a sense of purpose and the despair dimmed enough for me to think clearly.

I didn't stay in the shower long, I didn't want to keep everyone waiting, I just stayed in long enough to cleanse away any dirt and dried blood so I wouldn't look a complete mess when I faced everyone.

Towling myself roughly I picked out a plain white shirt and blue jeans, wanting to get out of my room as fast as possible.

I didn't even check to see how I looked I just headed for the door, Sirius was leaning against it when I looked up.

"Watching me get dressed again?" I drawled.

Sirius shrugged. "You should have closed the door, feel better?"

"Ask me tomorrow, how do I look?"

Sirius grinned. "Like shit, and I say that out of love. Black and blue aren't really your colours mate, I'm surprised Evans agreed to marry you, if that's not love then I don't know what is."

I smiled at him broadly. "You're just jealous that I still look sexy,"

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Oh yeah dude, no one can rock a beat down like you. Please, teach me how to get myself in imminent death situations so I too, can limp every where and need constant blood replenishing,"

I slung an arm around his shoulder as we headed down to the kitchen. "Perfection like this isn't really something that can be taught,"

**LILY**

I lay on my bed, holding a photo of my family, curled into a ball, tears falling silently down my face. One of the best days of my life and I couldn't share it with them. It was stupid to lay here, completely over turned with grief and regrets, I knew that, but I was only human, and humans were the most flawed creatures ever created.

_Tap tap tap_

Hastily I wiped my tears away and slightly turned myself away from the door. "Come in,"

James poked his head through the door, eyes becoming alarmed when he took in the scene in front of him. "Hey, everyone's down stairs waiting, Sirius cooked again, you hungry?"

I gave James a watery, very forced smile. "Yeah, I could do with a feed, sorry it's taken so long."

James moved forward and sat next to me, opening his arms which I readily climbed into. In silence, he stroked my hair and pressed his lips against my head, providing all the comfort I needed in that one moment.

After a while he released me gently and picked the photo up, studying it with an intense expression.

"Oh yeah…well…I was just…"

James smiled and handed the photo back to me and smiled lovingly. "You were just getting ready, it takes time to reach perfection right? I'll let everyone know you'll be down soon,"

I gave James a grateful smile as he left. In that moment I could not love James Potter anymore, nor could I think of anyone I would rather spend my life with. The fact that he'd allow me my own private moment of grief, my personal little break down to be less than a perfect soldier, to be weak and to be nothing more than a scared, teenage girl whom missed her family, meant so much to me and really reiterated the fact that I would spend the rest of my life owing him.

Ok Lily, time's up, back to the real world.

With a kiss to the photo and one last lingering stare, I put the photo back on my night stand, swiped my eyes, smoothed my hair and with a deep breath headed towards the kitchen.

I was beginning to make a habit of my late entrances, maybe no one would notice me.

I walked in and every head turned my way. Guess not.

"Lily!"

I smiled at Alice as she ran over to give me a hug. As we let go I looked around the room to see who was there. The usuals sat grouped together; Sirius, Remus, Peter, James, Gideon, Fabian and Frank and standing up against the wall were Alastor Moody and two men I wasn't sure I'd met before. No sign of Dumbledore yet.

James grinned at me and patted a seat he'd left free next to him. I took my place and automatically his arm came around my waist.

"You look beautiful Lily," Remus told me with a small smile.

Sirius laughed. "That's because she's sitting next to Prongs,"

James scowled mockingly at Sirius and pouted his lips. I smiled and kissed him softly. "You're still a babe in my eyes Potter,"

A strangled cough burst through the room and I whipped around to see Moody sneering. "Children! Completely unprepared for this war, look at you sitting here and joking whilst people are out there _dying_! What kind of a camp are you running here Potter?"

"This isn't a camp," James replied sourly. "It's a _safe_ place and also _my_ place which you are a guest in,"

"Watch your tone boy," Moody replied. "I am not a patient man,"

"You don't say," Peter murmured and I smiled at him.

"_Constant vigilance! _That's what you all need to be practicing,"

Sirius grabbed a plate of sausages and handed them to Moody. "You need to eat sir, no war was won on an empty stomach!"

Moody grumbled under his breath but took the plate.

With a soft pop Dumbledore stood in the kitchen, a friendly smile on his face, next to him stood Professor McGonagall and taking up a huge portion of the kitchen; Hagrid.

"Smells delicious in here!" Dumbledore beamed.

Sirius raised his hand proudly. "I cooked Professor,"

Dumbledore beamed at him. "Fantastic work Mr Black,"

"Oh please, call me Sirius. Take a seat Professor, pile your plate up and let's begin,"

"Thank you Sirius, Minerva, Hagrid, after you,"

Professor McGonagall stiffly sat down, with out a word.

"Migh' just stand Professor if yeh don't mind," Hagrid replied in his booming voice.

"Not at all Hagrid, what ever makes you most comfortable. Now, first things first, have we all been introduced?"

"Not all of us Professor," I replied politely.

"Lovely, shall I do the honours? I can trust you all know Alastor Moody, Professor McGonagall, Hagrid and each other? In the back we have Mundungus Fletcher, Mundungus will be our eyes and ear in the…underworld, providing information none of us would be able to collect,"

He was pointing to a very gangly and dazed looking man of about thirty with dirty brown hair and an opportunist air about him.

"Next to him is Edgar Bones, Edgar's brother works in the Ministry and can help us keep undetected by any Ministry members who do not share our views,"

The man lounging against the wall had light hair, calculating eyes but a welcoming smile. He looked to be in his mid to late twenties.

"Mundungus, Edgar our youngest members here are; James Potter, Lily Evans, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Alice and Frank Longbottom and Remus Lupin,"

We all smiled and nodded at each other and let the silence fall around us.

"Is that it?" Sirius asked abruptly. "Is this all of us, what about the others you recruited at school, what about other adults?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Alas, this is not a life many would willingly choose and I will not force anyone, Benjy Fenwick in the year above you is currently on a mission for me so he could not be here,"

"What about more adults?" Sirius pressed.

"We are working on that Sirius," Dumbledore told him kindly. "I am more than happy with our little group however,"

James smirked over at Moody. "Looks like the 'children' have really stepped it up huh?"

Dumbledore raised a hand to stop anyone from adding on to James' words. "Enough. It is not each other we should be fighting, we are in this together."

"He's right," Alice said. "What's the plan Professor?"

Dumbledore sighed and slowly he began to butter himself a piece of bread before beginning. "Life is going to get a lot more dangerous I am afraid. From now on, you will all be put on shifts, you will follow leads, if there is a report of an attack, you will go and do your best to defend and protect. There will be loss, there will be sadness and there will be things that haunt you for the rest of your life, however there will also be laughter, joy and rewards for the hard work. There cannot be a rainbow, without rain, please remember that,"

We all sat in silence, processing what we have just been told, weighing our options, maybe even wondering how many of us would be standing at the end of it all.

"Who takes the first shift, and do we rotate?"

Trust Remus to put all emotion aside and get to the facts.

"That young man, is entirely up to you," Dumbledore told him with a smile. "Everyone is to choose a partner, this is going to be the person that fights with you, looks after you and you spend the majority of your time with,"

James raised his hand and Dumbledore nodded at him to continue.

"Can I choose Professor McGonagall?"

"Are you being sarcastic Potter?"

"Not at all miss, I've seen what you can do with a wand _and_ how fierce your temper is, you are _bad arse_!"

Professor McGonagall cracked a smile at James and instantly the mood lightened. "Professor Dumbledore, Mr Moody, Mr Edgar and I are going to be accompanying the groups Potter, so I am as you would say off limits,"

James sighed. "Guess I'm stuck with Evans then,"

I smacked his shoulder as gently as I could while still being able to get my point across when Alice reached over and grabbed my wrist.

"Ouch, Alice what are you doing?"

The room went dead still and I realised they were all looking at my ring finger, which now housed the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen.

"Oh," I murmured, unsure of what to say or whether this was really the right moment to tell everyone.

"Surprise!" James shouted, trying to break the tension that was building.

No one replied, they just continued to stare at my hand.

"Is that real?" Peter whispered.

"No Wormtail, it's a part of a dream Evans sucked us into, of course it's real!" Sirius retorted.

"So you're like…engaged?" Alice asked finally.

I smiled wryly, seemed to be the hardest thing to believe for everyone. "Yeah Al, I'm engaged,"

Alice squealed and threw herself at me. "Oh my gosh that is _so_ exciting! When did it happen?"

"Last night," I replied, grinning broadly.

The marauders gathered around James, closing in on him and jumping up and down that I actually lost where he was in all the limbs and bodies.

"I think that's my cue to leave if the meeting is over," Moody said gruffly. "Good luck with that one Miss Evans,"

I smiled up at him. "Thank you sir,"

With a brisk nod he apparated, Mundungus and Edgar weren't far behind him.

"We certainly know how to clear a room," I told James once the boys had untangled themselves from him.

"Well, I think this calls for a celebration," Dumbledore said finally, eyes alight with happiness.

"I'll go get Carla," Sirius said and left before anyone could say anything.

"I'm going to get Violet," Remus said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Do you need me to bring anything?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "This is a pretty last minute party,"

"We'll bring some drinks then," Peter said with a smile before he left with Remus.

Dumbledore stood swiftly and McGonagall followed his lead. "We might leave you all to it then,"

"Oh Professor aren't you going to stay?" I asked, widening my eyes.

Dumbledore chuckled. "If you insist Miss Evans it would be a pleasure,"

"Maybe we should plan this as a dinner thing?" James suggested. "Give us some time to prepare and clean up,"

"Very well, what time shall we return?"

"Does six sound ok?"

"Sounds just fine," Dumbledore replied.

"Awesome, I better be seeing you and Hagrid there too Professor McGonagall,"

Hagrid dabbed at his eyes that were now streaming. "I'll be there, don't you worry 'bout it. So happy for yeh!"

"I will attend too Potter, this will definitely be a memory I will want to have and treasure," Professor McGonagall told him and then as one they exited the house.

"We're off too then," Gideon said with Fabian next to him.

"You can stay," James told them.

"We'll be back, we're going to get changed and pay a visit to my sister first," Fabian replied.

"See you at six then," I replied with a wave as they apparated.

James came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my head.

"We'll be back later too,"

I turned to Alice. "You're leaving too?"

"We're going to get some decorations organised and I want to make a cake, we'll be back before you know it though,"

I sighed. "Alright, see you soon,"

Alice came and wrapped her arms around James and I both. "So happy for you guys, now we won't be the only married ones!"

Frank clasped James on the shoulder. "Don't worry mate, I'll walk you through it,"

After Alice and Frank left I turned around, while still in James' arms so we were face to face. "Guess it's just you and me then, all alone at last."

James eyes lit up and a hunger deepened within them. "It would appear so,"

"How is your body feeling?" I asked and pressed a kiss to his throat.

"Much better suddenly," he replied and lifted me up so I wrapped my legs around his waist and arms around his neck. My mouth captured his and while still lip locked, James moved me from the kitchen and headed towards my bed room, stopping every now and then to press me up against the wall and move his lips down my neck and chest and hands down my hips and back.

When we finally made it to my room and James gently lowered me onto the bed I looked up at him and smiled at the amount of love he held in his eyes when he stared back down at me. I pulled him towards me by grabbing his shirt, wrapping my legs around his waist and arching my back so we were joined almost at every level. Impatiently I pulled his shirt off and moved my hands over his toned muscles and smooth skin. Only when James attempted to roll me on top and he grunted in pain did I pull myself away from the passion and focus on what we were actually doing.

I looked down and saw James near perfect chest was no longer a beautiful light brown, but now blue, yellow and purple.

"I'm fine," he told me, tilting my face to look up into his eyes and not his body.

It didn't help much, even his face was bruised.

I rolled off him again and moved my body so we were side by side, stomach to stomach, hip to hip and chest to chest.

"You need to rest," I replied firmly.

"Rest with me then,"

I settled in closer. "Where else would I be?"

"I love you wifey," he whispered.

I giggled and shuffled even closer. "I would hope so, it's a pretty amazing ring just to say 'you're awesome',"

"Evans, if you're going to keep talking I'll be forced to silence you myself,"

I grinned. "Let's see you try,"

Soft lips pressed against mine and gentle hands caressed my face.

Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life like this.

Easily.


	42. Chapter 42

Hey pretty people and fellow writers :)

This chapter is just a bit of a filler before the next plot line kicks in so I apologise if it drags a bit or gets boring at all.

As usual I have amazing people who cannot be forgotten;

_**hptwilightlvr, -Scp-, bookworm1545, shroomy-eyes, supacrazyhazey, LiLoveheart, Psychokillerhoney, XXJAMESLILYXX, HeartOnYourSleeve, KatieMAGICLove, Tweetiekins, Lulu Babes, FaithfulHPReader, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, The DA is dressed to the nines, dreamingofsunshine.**_

**Love to each and every one of you, thank you, thank you, thank you, always brightens my day reading your reviews.  
xx xx xx xx xx**

* * *

**JAMES**

Warm flesh pressed against my own, a slow heat burning inside me as Lily and I stood under the heat of the shower, hot water easing all our pains, our aches, old bodies tangled together as we stood embracing.

As close as we were, as bare, exposed and vulnerable as we each were, standing here naked in each other's arm, it was far from sexual. It was stripping away our boundaries, our walls, our insecurities, this was the first time we let each other really _see_ ourselves.

I inhaled Lily's sweet scent and had to fight from smirking in triumph at how far I had come. If anyone had told me six years ago, hell even at the beginning of this year that this is where I would end up I would tell them to stop poking around in my fantasies.

In so many ways this had been the best and worst year of my life. I didn't regret it though, how could I when I had perfection in my arms? I looked down at Lily and smiled.

Red hair slick against her scalp, face and chest Lily looked up at me, love and trust in her eyes as she smiled and pulled back to grab a soft sponge and began to wash my body for me.

"I feel like I'm four again and my mum is making sure I'm clean," I told her.

Lily laughed. "I'm naked and you're comparing me to your mum? Remind me again why it took me seven years to get this far?"

I leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm trying to say I haven't felt this loved or looked after in years,"

Lily grinned and using the bubbles she'd created from soaping my chest, covered my face in fluffy, whiteness.

"Hey!"

Lily giggled and blew sweet, warm breath on my face, clearing a path where I could see, although a bit blurry without my glasses still.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself," she replied, wiping the rest of the bubbles off my face and beaming up at me.

"You really are beautiful," I breathed, taking in every inch of her flawless body.

Lily blushed. "You have to say that, you're my fiancée now,"

"I don't have to say anything Evans, I was just telling you the truth,"

Lily grinned wickedly. "Sure you're not trying to get into my pants?"

I raised my eyebrows. "I'm positive, because you're not wearing any,"

Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Watch it Potter, or this might be the last time that ever happens,"

I raised my hands in defeat. "Ok, ok, I'm shutting up!"

Lily smiled and moved forward to wrap her arms around my waist and rest her head against my chest.

"Can we just stay here forever?"

I smiled. "We may turn into some kind of fish if we do that but sure Evans, that sounds perfect,"

"Smart arse," Lily told me as she stepped back, and then the smile went and her mouth dropped. "God look at your body!"

"Impressive right?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I was going to say would you like some skin with your bruises, you look terrible,"

I chuckled. "You say the sweetest things,"

"Shut up, I'm trying to be caring,"

I looked down at Lily and smirked. "Well, caring looks amazing on you I must say,"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Keep talking Potter and I'll add another bruise and then you're not even going to be able to enjoy yourself tonight. How long do we have before everyone arrives anyway?"

I looked at my water proof watch and sighed. "An hour and a half,"

Lily groaned. "Alright, well I'm going to go get ready,"

"What? We have over an hour to go!" I whined.

Lily grinned broadly and stepped out of the shower, wrapping the fluffy towel around her body. "Sirius will be here soon, I'd prefer to be clothed for his arrival,"

"Yeah, but not for at least another hour!" I called as Lily waved and moseyed out of the room.

I sighed and knocked my head against the wall gently over and over again. Damn, damn, damn! Stupid Sirius, stupid party, stupid interruptions. Can't a guy ever catch a break with his soon to be wife?

A gentle knock froze my hand on the taps and I smirked to myself. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist me.

"Come right in," I called, turning my back towards the door and letting the hot water fall down my face and neck.

I waited for soft hands to touch my body, for the comfort and heat to return. I waited for some sign that Lily had returned. I waited…and waited.

"Are you coming in or not?" I asked, turning around with a grin to see Sirius's form sitting on the bench with his hands over his eyes.

"SIRIUS!" I shrieked, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist, soaking it instantly.

"I'm not looking and you asked me to come in!"

"I thought you were Evans!"

"Why didn't you call to check idiot!"

"Because I had no idea you'd arrive over an hour early! Why the _fuck_ would you even walk in when I'm showering anyway!"

"If you're going to keep yelling at me can you at least put some pants on?"

We stood glaring at each other for a few seconds before our façade began to slip and slowly our lips quirked and then we were laughing at how ridiculous this situation was.

"I'm sorry mate," Sirius told me with a massive grin still on his face. "I saw Evans in the hall and she said to go right in, but I did knock first,"

I groaned in exasperation. "That woman! Well, it's all good now, it's been done, we're not _completely_ scarred for life right?"

Sirius smirked. "We were a towel and steam away from it though,"

"What brought you here so early anyway? Where's Carla?"

"She's with Evans getting ready, and we came because Carla insisted that we get here early so she could corner Lily first and get all the goss, we brought food too,"

I sighed and ruffled my hair with one hand, while the other gripped the towel in an iron hold so everything kept covered. "And you had to just come racing in here, while I was still showering to tell me that? You couldn't wait ten minutes?"

Sirius smirked. "I didn't think of that, I wanted to give this back to you too,"

From his pockets he pulled out my wand and tossed it to me. Warmth spread in my hands as I caught it and immediately it felt right, and I felt whole again. My missing piece returned, all was well.

"Sirius where did you get this? I swear I could kiss you!"

"Whoa man, put some clothes on first! That's why I went back after we got you all settled, I didn't want you and Evans to be defenceless and wandless,"

I grinned broadly. "Thanks mate, I owe you one,"

Sirius clapped me on the shoulder and headed for the door. "I know you do. One day I may need help moving a body and you can't ask any questions,"

I laughed softly as I followed Sirius's lead and left the bathroom. "I'm going to go get changed," I told him as we stood at my door. "_Alone_, so why don't you go make yourself busy elsewhere? I'm not letting you in this time,"

Sirius grinned. "Yes your highness,"

He ducked the towel I threw at his head and kept perfect stride as he walked down the hall.

Sighing to myself I stepped in my room and my mouth dropped. It was completely clean, completely back to normal with no trace of any medical equipment, even the well wishers gifts had been stored some where out of sight. It was my room, my exact room in all its organised mess.

I moved to my bed and sat down on it, the shock still gripping me. How the hell had this happened? _When_ did this happen?

Four gentle knocks resounded from my door and I groaned, lying back on the bed and pulling the pillow over my face.

"Sirius, I told you I'm getting changed, this obsession with catching me naked is starting to freak me out, just give me ten minutes ok?"

Instead of hearing foot steps leaving I heard the door open and then shut quietly.

"Sirius! Did you not hear me?"

I pulled the pillow off and threw it at the door in aggravation. Lily stood at the door in a pretty black silk dress with white patterns on it.

"I'll work on listening if you work on anger management," she told me with a small smile.

"Sorry, I thought you were Sirius,"

"I figured when you called me 'Sirius,' do you like it?"

"Sirius trying to catch me naked? Not really,"

Lily threw the pillow at me again. "No, the room silly,"

Realisation dawned on me quickly, followed by feeling like a complete idiot for not figuring it out straight away. Of course Lily did this, who else would care enough to try and make me feel as comfortable as possible, who else knew me well enough to know that this is what I needed.

I looked around again and noticed a framed picture of me and Lily standing on my far chest of drawers, one I had never seen before. I wasn't even sure where it had been taken, Lily was on my back arms covering my eyes and we were both laughing, the kind of carefree laugh that only comes from true happiness.

"You did this?"

Lily smiled as she lay down next to me. "Yep,"

"When, how?"

"Whenever I had time, I did a lot while you slept and it took me a lot of effort, do you know how heavy those freaking machines are?"

I took her hand in mine. "I can only imagine. Thank you, so much for this,"

Lily turned to me, eyes bright. "I just like seeing you happy, I wanted to make you happy,"

Lily Evans. Soon to be Lily Potter. Could she really be real? Was all of this just a beautiful dream I had yet to wake up from? I didn't see how anyone could be so kind hearted and yet so strong. There were no words for her beauty or my love for her, every minute I spent next to her was just one more minute of pure bliss. I was pretty much the luckiest guy in the world.

"How did I ever deserve you?" I whispered.

Lily grinned. "You spent seven years trying to get me to talk to you Potter, I think we can safely say you've paid your dues."

"How did Carla take the news?"

Lily giggled. "Oh we're not done with the inquisition yet, I sorta used seeing you as an excuse to get some time out, I better head back though,"

"You don't want to stay here? Cuddle a bit?"

Lily grinned and moved off the bed. "Tempting, but duty calls. I'll see you in a few,"

She reached the door and then turned around with a wicked grin. "Oh and you're going to put some pants on right? Because we have guests coming and this isn't a nudist resort,"

I grabbed another pillow to cover myself as her pretty laughter echoed through my room.

**LILY**

"So he came at you with a dagger?"

I sighed. "We've gone through this Carla, he wasn't going to stab me, the ring was _in_ the dagger ok?"

Violet pressed forward, having only arrived fifteen minutes ago. "And he really said all that stuff? About wanting to be yours forever and how he always loved you and always will?"

I smiled, remembering it all. "Yeah, he did,"

Violet sagged in her chair and exhaled a deep breath. "Wow, James Potter is like, the perfect boyfriend,"

Carla giggled. "I'll say and you haven't even gone all the way yet!"

I sighed. "It's not always about sex you know. James and I...I don't know, it's different, we connect on such an intimate level that we don't need sex to bring us closer, I feel like we've seen each other completely and utterly in our most vulnerable state, that we know each other inside and out, what if sex ruins that?"

Carla smirked at me. "I can't see how it could, you really don't know what you're missing,"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "You're such a hussy sometimes,"

Carla shrugged. "Hey, if it feels good, do it, we're only young once anyway,"

Carla's words hit me hard because I knew it was true, that we were only young once, but more so I knew that some of us might not have the chance to grow old.

"Hey Lily, whoa, you in there? You're looking all dark and thoughtful,"

Violet was waving her hands in my face and I blinked several times to get back into focus.

"Sorry, just tired still I guess, been a long…well it's been a long year,"

Violet rubbed my back gently. "Yeah, it certainly has, but look on the bright side, you're going to get _married_ to _James Potter_, how amazing is that! And all your loved ones are going to be there!"

Most of my loved ones anyway. I forced a smile. "Right. You're right, it's going to be amazing,"

Carla beamed and stood up, smoothing her short dress down and fluffing her dark freshly curled up.

"Well, everyone's about to arrive, we better go out there and give them something pretty to stare at,"

"And you better go see you man," Violet added. "He's probably going crazy waiting for his other half to come ease him,"

I grinned. Other half? I liked that, the thought that me and James were really only complete together.

"Alright, let's go," I said, feeling empowered, strong and beautiful. "Our men await us,"

We walked arm in arm with matching smiles to the boys waiting in the kitchen. As soon as James saw me his whole face lit up and a glow surrounded him. Yep, I had definitely found my home in James Potter.

"Hello beautiful," he greeted as I moved into his arms.

"Nice to see you in clothes for once," I replied with a cheeky grin.

James shrugged. "I figured I better keep some things to the imagination for everyone else,"

I grinned. "Wise choice,"

"You sure you're really willing to dedicate your whole life to this guy?" Sirius asked, arms around Carla grinning at us.

"Nope," I replied. "He's going to dedicate his life to me,"

Sirius burst out laughing and Remus raised a glass. "Hear, hear to that!"

At that moment Alice, Frank, Gideon and Fabian all walked in together, carrying presents, food and drink.

"You guys, you didn't have to do that," I told them in awe.

Fabian and Gideon reached us first and handed me a bottle of very expensive bubbly drink and giving James a heavy looking card.

"We didn't know what to get you, so we figured we'd give you money and you could buy something you like," Gideon told me in his deep voice.

I moved forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek and then Fabians. "Thank you, really,"

They both nodded and moved aside so Alice could come bounding over, Frank close behind.

Alice hugged me so tight I felt like maybe I'd go down a dress size…or throw up.

"Oof, thanks Alice, could you maybe…loosen your hold?"

Alice giggled and released me. "Sorry, I am just so excited! I got your present and Frank got James'" Alice explained as I opened the wrapping on my gift. It was a set of my favourite muggle novels, James had a set of ear plugs and a broom cleaning kit.

"I know you said they help you relax and remind you of home," she told me. "I thought you might like it,"

"I love it," I replied.

"I figured you could use that for your broom," Frank explained to James. "And the ear plugs will come in handy when you're planning a wedding, trust me,"

Alice elbowed Frank as James and the rest of the boys burst out laughing.

"I hope we are not too late,"

We all looked up to see Dumbledore and McGonagall walking in, both smiling. Dumbeldore had dozens of balloons in his hand and Professor McGonagall was holding onto a very tall and delicious looking cake.

"Not at all Professor, come on in," I called, beckoning them into the room.

"I figured balloons are a hit for celebrations and this is definitely a great celebration," Dumbledore told me handing me the balloons which were all heart shaped.

I giggled slightly. "Thank you Professor, I do love balloons, help yourself the the mass amounts of food please,"

Dumbledore beamed. "Thank you Lily, oo lasagne, delicious!"

"It's not a party without cake," Professor McGonagall told me stiffly as she placed the cake on the table. "Congratulations Miss Evans, this is such wonderful news, you deserve every happiness,"

I smiled, touched. "Thank you Professor, that means a lot,"

"Well, the foods not going to eat itself, and I slaved hard on most of this stuff!" Sirius called out.

"Better do what he says," James replied. "He's so sensitive about this stuff,"

We all chuckled and everyone moved to the table and started digging in. James smiled at me and pulled a chair out for me. Always the gentleman.

"Thank you," I told him.

"Anything for you Evans," he replied and sat down next to me.

The food was delicious, I don't think I've ever eaten so much before in my life, or laughed so hard.

On some level I felt guilty for having so much fun when so much was going wrong, yet I also knew that this is exactly what everyone needed, what Dumbledore was talking about. We couldn't live our lives forever mourning those that did not make it or regretting things that couldn't changed. We had to live and we had to love, survival depended on it.

I looked around at my friends and at the Professors that had become my family, my reasons to fight and I smiled broadly. I could not be any luckier with the company I kept.

I tapped my glass to get everyone's attention and then stood. "I just really wanted to say thank you so much for coming and supporting us, for _always_ supporting us. It means more than you will ever know. I love you all so much, thank you,"

I sat back down a little teary and smiled up at James who grinned down at me while everyone else applauded and beamed.

"I'd like to make a little speech if I may?" Sirius asked, getting to his feet.

"Oh god," James whispered. "This should be good,"

I shushed him and nodded for Sirius to continue. "Thanks Evans, anyway, Jimmy here has been my best friend ever since day one, and ever since day one I have never stopped hearing about damn Lily Evans and how badly he needed her to be his. I'll tell you something Evans, I never thought it would happen, I never thought I would ever hear him shut up about you or see him truly happy. So thank you, so much, for letting that happen and for allowing me to see my best friend genuinely happy constantly, I owe you one,"

He raised his glass and I smiled warmly and clinked mine against his.

"That's it?" James asked. "That's your speech?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm waiting til the wedding to pull all the big guns out,"

James grunted. "Something to look forward to,"

I kissed his hand to comfort him and when I looked away from James' face I noticed something moving outside, it looked a lot like Peter.

"Would you excuse me for a second?" I asked James.

"Sure love, you need me to come?"

"No, no I'm good thanks just going to get some air,"

"Hurry back," he told me with a seductive smile.

I kissed him briefly and then slipped away. I found Peter outside sitting in the corner I once stood when I needed space at James and Sirius's summer party.

"Hey," I said softly.

Peter jumped at my voice and I saw tears in his eyes. "Lily!"

"You doing ok? Haven't seen you all night, I didn't even realised you'd come,"

Peter hung his head in his hands as sobs racked his body. "I'm an awful friend Lily, I am an awful, awful friend,"

"Pete, it's just a small engagement party, don't be so hard on yourself I'm not mad really,"

"You're such a g-good person and I am nothing!"

I moved closer and wrapped my arms around his shaking shoulders. "Hey, hey don't be like that. You're a great friend ok? We all love you, and you are not nothing. You have so much to offer Peter, I truly believe that you have the potential to change the world, make a difference, you can be a big player in this war, you just need to believe in yourself,"

Peter stopped shaking and looked up at me. "Really?"

"Of course! You're braver than you think you are, you hold the power to make changes Peter,"

He looked at me intensely. "I do? But I'm the weak one, no one needs me here,"

I smiled and patted his shoulder. "I need you, one day you could be responsible for my life Pete, I trust that you'll help keep me safe,"

Peter looked up at me, right in the eyes and there was a fierceness, a darkness I had never seen before as he stared me down.

"I am strong," he muttered more to himself than me. "I have the power, I have the control,"

"Peter, is there something you need to tell me?" I asked, feeling nonsensical fear all of a sudden. "Are you in trouble?"

Peter looked up at me, younger than ever, completely vulnerable and scared as tears fell down his cheeks again as he opened his mouth.

"There you are! Stealing my woman already Wormtail?"

Peter and I both jumped as James stood above us grinning.

"You're great friends," Peter whispered to me. "You are a good soul Lily, I wish you the best,"

With a nod at James he hurried off.

"What was that about?" James asked, helping me up.

I watched Peter rush away, a nervous twitch to the way he walked and sighed deeply.

"I have no idea," I replied honestly, and now even more scared than before. "I just hope everything's going to be ok,"


	43. Chapter 43

Hey all :D

Another update for you, again I'm not too happy with this one, I don't know what it is but lately I just can't seem to get anything I write down to my satisfaction. I hate giving you all chapters I don't think are up to scratch. Anyway, my reviewers need a huge thank you and many cuddles, you are all really amazing, I owe you.

**ravenclawLupin11, corkzilla, .., DigiNetaChan, Merope Firpo, KatieMAGICLove, Adorkably Adorkable, hypnotizinq, shroomy-eyes, SecretlyAGryffindor, -Scp-, FaithfulHPReader, RascalLil'Pixie, supacrazyhazey, LiLoveheart, bookworm1545, dreamingofsunshine, Opa12, Psychokillerhoney, The DA is dressed to the nines, hptwilightlvr, XXJAMESLILYXX.**

* * *

JAMES

"Pretty good party huh?" I asked Lily as we washed the dishes with Alice and Frank. Damn we were practically a married couple already.

"Yeah, wish our engagement party had been this small and intimate," Frank said slightly bitterly.

Alice nudged him. "Oh honey don't be like that, you had so much fun, and it was such a beautiful night,"

"Your entire male side of the family nearly scared me into leaving the country Al, James didn't have to deal with any of that,"

I froze and stared at Lily, praying this wouldn't ruin the night. We both knew I wouldn't have to deal with any male authority because Lily had none left; she wasn't even going to have her dad walk her down the isle.

Lily's face paled and then after a beat of silence she grinned. "I'll give him hell enough for all of them, you had your big public warning, and James is going to have a lifetime of them now,"

Frank smiled in relief as Alice giggled.

"Is that right Evans?" I asked.

Lily grinned wickedly. "Yep, scared yet? Last chance to back out?"

I laughed and placed a small blob of bubbles on her nose. "Nice try Evans but I don't scare that easily. You can threaten me all you want, try and make my life hell but I'm not going anywhere, nothing will stop me from wanting you and loving you,"

"Aw!" Alice sighed, tears in her eyes. "I just love romance!"

Frank gave me the cut it out sign over Alice's head, obviously he didn't want to be out done in the romance department.

"Frank! Why don't you ever say stuff like that to me?" Alice demanded, pouting up at him.

"Sweet heart, you know you're the only one for me ok? I love you, I thought you knew that?"

Alice continued to pout and Frank drew a finger across his throat at me, I stuck my tongue out in reply.

"Alice," Frank began in a pleading tone.

Alice grinned and pulled Frank in for a hug. "I'm only kidding, I love you just the way you are, and you've always been really sweet to me,"

Frank audibly sighed again and Lily and I chuckled.

"Just remember Frank, Al here didn't put you through seven years of hell, and Al, Frank here didn't incur violent reactions to his face," Lily reminded them.

I nudged Lily gently. "You were just trying to vent your sexual frustrations,"

Lily whacked me in the chest with the soaking sponge, causing my shirt to stick to my body.

"See guys? Now she's trying to get my clothes wet so I have to get naked and change,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "God, there's three people in our relationship, you, me and your ego,"

I grinned and lifted Lily up on the bench, cornering her so she was stuck between my arms and couldn't escape.

"Me and my ego huh?" I asked, moving my lips closer.

Lily nodded. "Yep,"

"Are you going to take it back?"

Lily wrapped her legs around my waist, but when I leant in for a kiss, pulled back. "Nope,"

I lift Lily up off the bench; her legs still wrapped around my waist and dip my head down to kiss her neck.

"Uh…guys?"

I moved my lips away from Lily's neck to stare at Frank.

"We're going to head off," Frank told me with a devilish grin. "I think you guys can uh…clean up with out us,"

I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry Longbottom, forgot myself for a second. We can behave ourselves; you don't need to go,"

"You just got engaged," Alice gushed. "Of course you want some alone time!"

Frank smirked. "And we might like some alone time too,"

Alice blushed. "Frank!"

Lily smiled warmly and unhooked herself from my waist. "We'll see you two crazy kids later; don't do anything too crazy,"

Frank scoffed. "My mother still refuses to let us leave the guest house, trust me, the rumours about marriage are true,"

I laughed and turned to Lily who was giggling.

"We can just have a wedding and not a marriage?" she suggested.

I beamed brightly. "Evans, you could quite possibly be the perfect woman,"

Lily shrugged. "I've often thought so,"

"Whoa, look at Miss ego now!"

Lily grinned. "Where do you think I learnt it from?"

"Alright, I can sense an argument coming on so how about we just cut this short?"

"I'm right, you're wrong?" Lily suggested and I sighed.

She is so lucky I'm a sucker for a beautiful face. "Yes Evans,"

Frank clasped me on the shoulder. "That's the way; you've learnt how to be a husband already!"

I smiled and shook his hand goodbye as Lily and Alice embraced.

"Thanks for staying to clean," Lily said.

"Oh no worries at all, always our pleasure! We'll see you both very soon; have a great night and congratulations!"

I could still see the ghost of Alice's bright, bubbly smile and positive attitude even after they had gone.

"Think we'll end up like them?" Lily asked.

"Nah, we don't have to worry about anyone but Sirius interrupting and Alice isn't abusive," I replied.

Lily's face fell and I immediately felt guilty. What kind of an idiot was I?

"Evans, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you were abusive or anything, you know I think you're great…"

"It's not that," she replied softly.

I scanned my memories for anything else I could have said to upset her in anyway. And came up blank. Think James think, you finally got a ring on her finger, don't screw it up now!

"Don't look so worried, it's not you," she told me with a hint of a smile. "I just…all of this celebrating and stuff, really made me miss my family even more and I just…I want them to be there so bad…well maybe not Petunia, but you know what I mean,"

"Are you saying you want your mum _and_ sister at our wedding, because love, I just don't see it happening," I replied cautiously.

"I think I want a good bye," Lily said after a few moments. "I think I want to tell her that I love her, that I've found the guy of my dreams and that I'm sorry and very, very happy,"

I shrugged. "Ok then,"

"Ok what?" Lily asked in confusion.

"If you want a chance to see your mum then let's go see her,"

Lily stared at me with wide eyes. "Just like that? We'll go see my mum?"

"Yeah why not? If it's going to make you happy, I'm doing it," I replied.

Lily's eyed widened and she swayed closer. "You would do that? You'd come see my mum, face the Evans wrath for me?"

"Evans, I've dealt with the wrath before and I told you, as long as you're happy, I'm in,"

Lily grinned broadly and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Come on then,"

"We're going _now_?" I asked incredulously.

Lily grinned. "Just follow me ok?"

I shrugged. When have I ever not?

I followed Lily out of the house to the backyard and watched as she conjured two blankets and indicated I sit on the first. I did so and Lily settled herself in my lap, pulling the second blanket around us.

"I used to watch the stars with my dad all the time," she explained to me. 'It was our thing. Petunia was never interested and my mum had heard it all before so it was just me and my dad. We'd sit out here to hours at a time and he'd explain what each star was and the story behind it,"

"Stars have stories?" I asked.

Lily sighed. "Oh Potter, you have so much to learn,"

"Are you going to explain them to me?"

Lily shook her head. "Not all of them, I just want to show one to you, but it hasn't come out yet,"

"It has another appointment before us?" I quipped.

Lily nudged me gently. "You're going to ruin the moment, just shush for a bit ok?"

We stayed like that for at least an hour, wrapped in each other's warmth, watching the beauty above us, secure and safe in our own little world. The best moments of my life were spent here with Lily, in the peacefulness of the world.

"There!" she finally whispered, pointing up at a collection of stars. "Look at that,"

They were grouped together in an unusual way but bright and pretty all at once. I felt stupid, but I had to ask. "What are they?"

Lily smiled up at me. "That's called Perseus. The Greeks named this constellation after him, he saved Andromeda from a sea monster, he's known as a hero."

I smiled. "That's a sweet story Evans,"

Lily blushed slightly. "It reminds me of you. Even at Hogwarts, I'd look at the sky when I couldn't sleep and I'd see this particular constellation and for some reason I thought of you,"

I smiled and pecked Lily on the cheek. "You're so corny Evans,"

Lily giggled and nudged me. "Hey! That's my line. Listen, do you think that maybe…we should tell your dad too?"

I stiffened and the warmth faded. "I appreciate it love, but I don't think so. He's not awake to hear or understand,"

Lily sighed. "I know he isn't awake, but that doesn't mean he can't hear you. I really think this might help,"

"Evans, I just don't think-"

Lily pressed her hand to my lips. "Just think about it ok? Come on, the sun will come up soon and we need all the energy we can muster if we're going to make it through alive,"

I smiled and snuggled closer to Lily. "Your mum isn't going to be that bad,"

"I was talking about Petunia," she replied with a shudder.

I laughed quietly. "Alright Evans, let's go get you to bed so you can work up the courage to meet your big bad sister,"

Lily stood up and shot me a look. "You mock me now, but that girl is vicious, I still have a scar on my back from where she scratched me for getting in her sunlight when she was tanning,"

I shook my head, smiled and lead her back towards the house.

*

"James!" Lily shrieked and I jumped out of bed immediately.

"What's wrong Evans?" I called back sleepily, as I stumbled from Lily's bed. "Spider again?"

"JAMES!"

That woke me up; I sprinted towards Lily's frightened squeal and found her, shaking in the lounge room, holding a letter with an unopened box next to her.

"Engagement presents?" I asked. "Word travels fast; did they send the wrong colour?"

Lily shot me a dirty look and thrust the box at me without saying a word. The box was black with blood red ribbons around it, tied beautifully. It looked sinister without me even touching the wrapping.

"Be careful," Lily murmured.

"Why? Who is it from?"

Lily passed me the card with shaking hands and curled up around herself.

"Read it," she told me tonelessly.

I sighed and flipped the card over.

_To the happy couple,_

_Congratulations on your new start,_

_Let's not forget, 'til death do you part'_

_Be seeing you _very_ soon,_

_Bellatrix_

I froze dead in my tracks. How the _hell_ did Bellatrix get my address? It was meant to be secure and safe, no death eater knew. Dumbledore, my parents had made sure it was secret, that no one who couldn't be trusted would find it. Hell, me and Sirius had even removed the address from everyone that had come to our summer party memory.

I looked down at the box and took a deep breath, here goes nothing.

My hands were surprisingly steady as I untied the ribbon and then slowly lifted the lid off. I froze for the second time as I looked inside.

"What? What is it?" Lily asked anxiously. "James, are you ok?"

I gulped down the lump in my throat and lowered the box so Lily could see the matching coffins with our photos on them.

LILY

Bellatrix Black, I was going to kill that black haired bitch if it was the last thing I did. I thought I'd be scared when I realised she'd officially marked us, that she now knew where we lived, instead I felt rage, pure, undiluted rage. This was meant to be the most important times of my life, the most beautiful union between two people, cementing a lifetime of happiness and love and she was ruining it. She was trying to taint what was a pure moment. Screw. That. If she thought a mini coffin and threatening letter was going to scare me, she had another thing coming.

I should actually thank her, for giving me the determination to be strong and want to fight even harder.

"Evans? You ok?"

I looked up into James worried hazel eyes and I nodded, standing up and straightening myself, then giving him my brightest smile.

"I'm doing great, come on, let's go see my mum,"

James stared at me in awe. "Evans, you continually amaze me,"

I grinned. "Good, that way you won't ever get bored. Now chop to it young man, you can't meet your future mother in law half naked,"

James grinned. "Why not? I have a way with the Evans women,"

I threw a pillow at his retreating back as he chuckled on his way to the bathroom.

Bending down to pick up the coffins that James had let fall to the ground, I got a wild idea and I grinned to myself. Carrying the box in my arms, but leaving the note for Dumbledore to examine later, I headed towards the back yard.

I spent a good five minutes examining the yard and the perfect spot before I remember I was a witch and didn't need to be as cautious as muggles do.

Picking a spot to the end of the yard, I cast a protective spell to keep everything controlled and then made a small fire.

With a bitter satisfaction I threw the coffins into the small fire and watched them burn, break and then crumble into ash in the fire.

I would not let them destroy me, and I sure as hell would not let them even get close enough to James to hurt him. They could try all they want, but I was done playing their little game, from now on, it was my terms and my terms only.

"Having a last minute bon fire?"

I spun around to face James who had dressed in dark jeans and a green top that brought out his eyes.

"Do we have any marshmallows?" I asked jokingly.

"Afraid not my love, maybe we can pick some up on the way home?"

I nodded. "Sounds good,"

"You ready to go then?"

I shrugged, eyes focused on the fire that was beginning to die. "Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice Evans, it doesn't have to be today,"

"No, I want to get it all over with, I'm ready,"

"Should we put the fire out first?" James asked with a smirk.

"I suppose it wouldn't do to burn the house down," I replied, extinguishing the fire and then holding my hand out to James.

"Brace yourself Potter, this isn't going to be pleasant,"

James grinned. "Fabulous, I'm an expert in that, I'll do fine,"

I smiled at him warmly and when I looked away from his face we were standing outside my mum and Petunia's new house.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart, iron grip still on James' hand and started to take slow, shaky steps forward.

"Mr Potter, Miss Evans, what are you doing here?"

I jumped back in surprise as the guard for my family appeared in front of us, painted confused.

"Oh hello Philippe, we're just here to visit," I told him as confidently as I could.

"Very good Miss Evans, but I must confess that I am was not aware that you were coming today, nor that you planned to come at all."

I had no reply for this, so luckily I had my hero to jump right in. "Sorry to inconvenience you Philippe, it was a very last minute decision, you see, Lily and I just got engaged and we wanted to share the news with our families, I wasn't aware we needed permission to do so,"

Philippe blushed deeply. "Oh no, of course not, please proceed, and congratulations,"

James clapped him on the shoulder good naturedly and pulled me along after him. "Thanks mate,"

"Thank you," I murmured to James.

"What kind of a hero would I be if I didn't get to rescue you?" he replied smugly.

"Ego taking control again," I replied quickly just as we reached the front door.

I raised my hand to knock on the door but couldn't bring myself to move my knuckles those extra few steps backwards and forwards.

"Evans, you know if you expect to be invited in, you're going to have to let our presence be known," James told me gently.

"What if she hates me?" I whispered to James. "What if she tells me dad's death was my fault? Or that she never wants to see me again?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're over thinking this ok love? Take a deep breath and then knock,"

Fear gripped me, worse than I had ever experienced before. "I can't,"

James nodded. "I understand,"

I turned to walk away at the same moment James knocked loudly and hard on the door.

"Potter!" I hissed.

"My hand slipped," he told me innocently.

My stream of curses were cut off by the clicking of locks and then the door creaking open. My mother stood there in front of me, older than I've ever seen her look, pale, and…sick?

"Lily?"

All I could do was nod in reply.

"You're back,"

She slowly raised an arm and I flinched and prepared myself for the sting of a slap. Two warm arms wrapped around me and unsteady hands smoothed my hair down, as sobs broke free.

"Mum?" I asked uncertainly.

"Oh Lily, thank god you've come home, I have been so worried!"

This simple gesture, those simple words broke me even more than the abuse I had prepared myself for ever could. Suddenly I was clinging to my mum, crying hard into her hair, standing limp in her arms as she consoled me. Months of anguish, every pain I ever felt, every weakness I kept concealed was pulled forth and spilling out.

After a few minutes I calmed myself down enough to remember James was there too, waiting patiently by the door for us. Mum seemed to notice him at the same moment for she stepped away from me to give James a crushing hug.

"Thank you for keeping my baby safe," she whispered.

James hugged her back and rubbed her back in a comforting way. "You're welcome,"

"Well, come in, come in!"

We followed her slowly into the house. I looked around me, every wall was covered in photo's of me, Petunia, my dad, the family, there was even a photo of me and James I had no idea how my mother had gotten hanging up right near the grandfather clock – which was pretty much the only thing familiar to me besides the photo's.

With James as my guide, I drank up as much as I could of the photo's immersing myself in the happy smiles, of the memories of a simpler time. Finally we came to a stop in the kitchen; James pulled a chair out for me before taking the one next to it.

Lunch was the most awkward experience in my life, no one talks except to ask for more beans, or the salt. The only person willing to make conversation was James and really that was a hopeless effort as neither my mum or I were really in the mood for chit chat.

After spending the entire lunch staring at my food or nails I finally looked up at my mum quickly, noticing her pallid skin and exhausted eyes before ducking my head in shame.

"So, lovely weather today isn't it?" James asked in another transparent attempt to break the tension.

"Lily, I promised myself I wouldn't start a confrontation with you, but I need to know, where have you been?"

Well, at least James tried. I took a deep breath and began, eyes still on the table.

"I know you must hate me, I know how it looks but…mum I can't tell you everything because it's not safe for you, and I can't come back into the family like nothing has happened because…because life is never going to be the same. I just want you to know that I love you, so much and I would never want to hurt you, or dad or Petunia and that's why I need to disappear, cut ties. I couldn't leave without a proper goodbye though, without explaining or without telling you that you have always been my rock and I miss you every single second I'm not here,"

I exhaled my breath and when there was no reply I peeked up through my lashes to see mum staring at me intently, tears in her eyes.

"I don't hate you, in some sort of a way I can understand what you were trying to do, but we are your _family_ and you should have trusted us with your problems, I am disappointed that you felt we weren't strong enough to support you. You have missed a lot, and you're right a lot has changed,"

I kept my eyes down. "Mum, this isn't just me wigging out, this is huge, dangerous and I just felt like-"

"I have cancer,"

That got my full attention; I looked up into my mum's eyes with alarm. "You…what?"

"I have cancer, stage three, and terminal. They've given me six months, so I am glad that you're back, which reminds me, does your return have something to do with the ring on your finger?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I whispered.

"You didn't think I was blind did you? The rock is huge, I'm glad you have someone to look after you now, that's a huge weight off my mind,"

"No, don't do that, you know what I meant,"

Mum sighed. "There's nothing more to say sweet heart, what's done is done,"

I pushed the chair back and stood up, out raged. "So that's it? You're just going to give up? You're just going to die?"

Mum smiled at me sadly. "No sweet heart, I'm going to live, just not as long as I had originally thought, just not as long as you, no one's giving up,"

Tears flooded my cheeks and I stumbled back into James waiting arms.

Slowly mum got out of her chair and her deliberate, slow, almost painful movements really hit a nerve, really proved that she wasn't well.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you like this, when you came to share happy news, but time waits for no one, either does cancer. I needed to tell you this because I don't know when I'll see you again _if_ I'll see you again," she told me in a weak voice, moving closer and closer.

"Am I doomed to watch everyone I love die?" I asked, still clinging to James.

"Lily, death is not so bad, eternal peace is nothing to fear. Do not allow grief to consume you, you have much to live for, you're going to have your own family, my only regret is not being able to see yours and Petunia's young ones grow up,"

She had reached me at that point and I moved from James to cling to mum as we both cried together, babbling incoherent words to each other, expressing our sorrow, our love in these moments.

"YOU!"

I broke apart from my mum to face my sister, standing in the doorway looking ready to murder.

"Petunia, please, this is not the time,"

"Mum, not now. How can you stand there and just welcome her back into our lives after she ran away like a coward? After she caused dad to die! She's a monster!"

"Petunia Evans! You are not too old to put across my knee, bite your tongue!" mum snapped back in outraged.

I nodded at petunia and kissed my mum on the cheek. "She's right, I should go,"

The grip on my arm tightened and I looked at my mum in surprise, unable to believe she was capable of such force.

"You are not just leaving again," she told me in a fierce tone.

"But-"

"Petunia shut the hell up and let me speak to your sister, go to your room, go to Vernon's I do not care just please, please give us a minute,"

Petunia threw me a contemptuous glare before storming out.

"Evans temper huh?" James said with a quiet whistle.

I smiled at him briefly before turning back to my mum. "I should go mum, I'm sorry I-"

"Lily Evans, sit your arse down now, we are going to catch up and I will not hesitate to send you to your room if you try to argue,"

I closed my eyes and smiled, god I'd miss that simple phrase, how did I ever think my parents were annoying before for constantly wanting to spend every minute with me, talk about anything and everything?

I sat down next to my mum, on James' lap and listened to what had been happening for the last few months, shared my own stories, not even leaving the bad parts out. The more I spoke, the more free I felt, the more weight that fell from my shoulders.

*

"Well Mrs Evans, as always it's been a pleasure," James told my mum, kissing her hand as we said our goodbyes at the front door.

"You will come and visit soon," mum told me and James giving us a big hug.

"We'll try mum," I replied.

"That wasn't a request," she told me sharply, making me smile.

"You'll see us soon," I told her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Do me one favour?"

"Anything,"

"Invite me to the wedding, please, it's a moment I don't want to miss, give me just that one moment, I've already missed so much,"

I let go of James' hand and pulled mum into a tight embrace. "Front row and centre mum, I love you,"

"I love you too, and you too James,"

James punched the air. "Two Evans women loving me? Could there be anything better?"

Mum nudged James lightly at the same time I did and James grinned broader. "I spoke too soon,"

I grabbed his arm and towed him away, waving at my mum one last time before we apparated home.

The air around us was black, smoky, hot and impossible to see through. Was it possible we had apparated to the wrong place?

"Evans, I thought I told you the put the bonfire out," James told me jokingly.

I didn't reply, just took his hand and blindly walked through the smog that covered everything around us, we moved sluggishly forward for a few minutes until finally the smoke cleared enough for us to see.

"Where the hell are we? What is this?" I asked, trying hard not to cough.

James arm flung out blocking me from walking any further and slightly winding me,

"What the hell?" I gasped, rubbing my stomach.

"Call someone," he told me urgently.

"What's wrong? Why?" I replied, looking up into his eyes which were now filled with anguish.

He didn't reply, couldn't reply so I followed his eyes.

James' house was on fire, a massive inferno burning away, the flames reaching higher and higher, like a red hand trying to reach the sky.

"There's something over there," I told James and before he could stop me I ran to the front of the house.

The dark mark had been branded into the door, underneath it in tidy yet sinister writing; two words;

_Regards, Voldermort._


	44. Chapter 44

Hey lovelies, I know this is just a super rushed one but I figure any post is better than none at all right? I'm trying to make time for writing but life is getting hectic and I've been so sick lately so it's been difficult.

Anyway, how is everyone else? Hoping you're all doing well and life is being kind.

The reviewers I owe a lot to; _**RavenclawLupin11, hpdreamer500, hello-goodbye146, TeenyTinyGirl, xheheitssamx, Adorkably Adorkable, Opa12, KatieMAGICLove, shroomy-eyes, supacrazyhazey, RascalLil'Pixie, -Scp-, LiLoveheart, XXJAMESLILYXX, chloe's fire, hptwilightlvr, bookworm1545, corkzilla, SecretlyAGryffindor, The DA is dressed to the nines**_.

Honestly, I'm running out of words to express just how much your words really do mean to me. Thank you seems to be losing meaning, however, I truly, one zillion percent appreciate each and every one of you.

Lots and lots of love and cuddles your way

Xx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

Lily sprinted ahead of me before I could even react and disappeared through the haze. Goddamn her! Why the hell couldn't she just do what she's told, couldn't she just stay put so I knew she wouldn't get hurt, so I had one less thing to worry about. Goddamn her!

"Lily!" I screamed and tore after her.

I found her within moments, standing a few paces away from my front door, staring at two words carved into the door with the dark mark branded above them.

"What does that mean?" Lily asked. "The dark mark, no one's died here tonight,"

"It's a promise," I told her grimly and grabbed her arm firmly. "Now, let's go,"

Lily tore her arm out of my grasp and headed towards the blazing inferno, the flames now taking on forms, looking like serpents, dragons and demons as they moved, almost reaching towards us.

"Lily!" I shouted, as she darted through the front door, ignoring my attempts to pull her back.

"Fuck!"

I ran in after her, trying to find my way through the smoke, trying so hard to avoid the flames and praying harder than anything that the smoke inhalation didn't kill Lily before I had a chance too, jesus Christ how could she be so reckless?

"Lily! Lily come back! DAMNIT EVANS WHERE ARE YOU?"

I moved through the sweltering heat, feeling my skin burning and my eyes watering so much that it was almost impossible to see, only my sheer determination to get Lily out and safe kept me from just lying down and giving in. I paused where I was trying to get my bearings and I watched as the flames moved like they had a mind of their own, forming a giant snake it moved forward with a purpose away from me…and right at Lily who I could now see.

Without thinking I lunged forward ignoring the searing burns grabbed Lily not even bothering to be gentle, threw her over my shoulder and then fumbled with my wand so I could apparate us both to safety.

We both fell onto the floor, coughing up the smoke that had infiltrated our lungs and tainted our breathing.

Once I could clear my breathing enough to speak I drew myself up at glared at Lily, moving over to shake her vigourously. "What. The. _Fuck._ Was. That? Are you completely insane! Are we back to this again? You could have gotten yourself killed trying to be a fucking hero. Are you so determined to leave me? Is that it?"

Lily was still coughing and looked up at me with her usual unrelenting stubbornness. I began pacing around, trying to burn some of the fury off that was falling off me in waves.

"God I just…Evans I don't even know what to do with you! Do you know what that was? That was fiend fyre, I mean regular fire is bad enough but this is worse, I am talking about extremely _dangerous, lethal_ fire and you were going to walk right into it! What the hell were you thinking?"

Lily looked up at me, still stubborn and finally answered. "Your photo's, your families belongings, your whole life was in that house, I didn't want you to lose that, you've already lost too much, I just didn't want you to lose everything that meant something to you,"

The anger dimmed slightly as I moved forward and cupped her chin, staring deep into her green eyes that were even brighter than usual since her face was blackened with ash and soot.

"Lily Evans, have you learnt nothing? Has everything we've been through just passed over your head? _You_ are everything to me, if I had lost you I don't know that there would be a life for me after that. You're right, I have already lost so much, so don't make me lose the only thing I have left keeping me together, please?"

Lily sighed and looked up at me, tears sparkling in her eyes. "I'm sorry,"

I pulled her into my arms and held her tight. "I love you more than anything Evans, which means I'm going to be an unbearably protective arse because life without you is not an option, I'm sorry if I hurt you,"

Lily smiled softly. "Love hurts right?"

I sighed, only now feeling the burns on my skin and my just healed wounds aching. "So, I've heard,"

"Hey, just a question, is it safe to be here? I mean, your house has just been burnt down by evil fire, and you moved us to your tree house which is in your back yard for safety. Doesn't that seem kinda counter productive?"

I grimaced at Lily as I practically collapsed into the bean bag and conjured some water to spray over my burns, shit that hurt so much.

"Remember how I told you my dad said this was a place to be safe and anything I wanted to be? He fitted it which such an intense magic system that this place is practically safe from any kind of attack. He was the coolest person in the universe and also the most paranoid; this was the family safe house."

Lily whistled in awe. "Guess you Potter men are all about safety and protecting everyone?"

I grinned. "Which is perfect since you Evans women are all about diving head first into anything dangerous,"

Lily sat down next to me and curled up closer, a kitten cuddling with a dog, although the kitten had claws.

"You're taking this very well you know,"

I shrugged. "Can't change anything can we? And you're safe so it's going to be ok. We should really send word to Dumbledore or Sirius, man I wish I kept an owl in here,"

"See? It's time like these I wish everyone had mobiles," Lily replied slightly frustrated.

"Mob-whats?"

"Mobiles, you know like personal telephone's, so much easier to send word, the muggles had that one down," Lily told me.

"Evans, it's been a long day and I have no idea what you're going on about so how about we just pretend I do?"

Lily grinned. "Alright deal, do you have your mirror on you at all?"

I stared at her incredulously. "You want to check how you look _now_?"

Lily swatted my arm. "No you dolt, I want to get in touch with Sirius so we can get you some treatment for the burns,"

"Not just a pretty face after all," I replied, pulling the mirror out of my pocket.

"You know, your attachment to Sirius and the mirror is borderline disturbing, your need to have him close at all times is definitely weird…you don't need to tell me anything right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, you got me, I am madly in love with Sirius Black, my pursue of you and his womanizing ways was all just a ruse to hide our feelings."

"I _knew_ it!" Lily said with a grin, taking the mirror from me and rubbing it gently.

"Prongs, can you give me like twenty minutes, I'm just a little busy at the moment,"

Lily turned her nose up into the mirror. "Wrong Sirius, it's Lily and we need you here stat,"

"Evans, I realise I've ruined many a moment for you and Jimmy, but weren't you taught that two wrongs, do not make a right?" Sirius replied in a patronising tone.

"Right, I was also taught that when my best friends house is burnt down by the bad guys that maybe play time is over," Lily replied sarcastically.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up! What are you saying exactly?"

"James' house got burnt down by the death eaters and Voldermort, we're both ok just a bit burnt and my hair is singed, but we need some help, can you send word to Dumbledore?"

I heard the distinct sound of Sirius standing abruptly and a girl – most likely Carla being dumped onto the floor.

"Shit sorry babe! Evans, put Prongs on will ya?" Sirius asked urgently.

Lily handed the mirror to me. "Your boyfriend wants to speak with you,"

I took the mirror and looked into it wearily.

"Shit Prongs! It's like your going out of your way to ruin your looks!"

"Nice to see you too mate," I replied.

"Sorry, listen do you know for sure who did this? And where are you now, the fortress?"

"Bellatrix sent us an engagement present slash imminent death warning this morning and then her master followed through, we weren't home when it happened and yeah, we're waiting it out in the tree house,"

Sirius looked away, grave expression on his face, I knew he was probably trying to mask his rage. "One day Prongs, we're going to get them back, we're going to make them hurt, make them bleed and we're going to finish what they've started, but for now, let's just focus on keeping you and everyone else safe and alive. I'm going to get Remus to let Dumbledore know what's going on and help decide our next move, then I'm going to come get you and Evans,"

"Padfoot, we're fine here really, I don't even know if it's safe to be anywhere near here right now, I don't want you to get hurt because of me," I told him, wincing as my arms started to sting again.

"You're absolutely right Prongs, so I'll see you soon?" Sirius told me and then disappeared.

"Sirius wait-" I groaned in frustration and tossed the mirror onto an empty bean bag. "It's like I talk just to make sounds! No one ever listens!"

Lily smiled and pecked my cheek gently. "We just couldn't live with ourselves if anything happened to you so we choose to listen but not obey,"

I quirked an eyebrow. "Well, when you put it like that…"

"Do you have any food in here?" Lily asked, getting up to search the room.

"Floor board near the door comes loose, if you pull it up I have a stash of sweets there," I replied, dousing more water on my burns.

Lily hurried over and lifted the plank up, eyes widening at what was underneath. "Oh my god Potter, you really are a chick, you have a stash of comfort food and some romance novels down here,"

I blushed and tried to sit up indignantly. "I swear they're not mine!"

Lily smirked. "Sure, of course not, here catch,"

I caught the packet of every flavour beans and eased back into the welcoming cushion.

"So what now?" Lily asked, coming to sit next to me again, arms over flowing with sweets.

I popped a bean in my mouth; charcoal, how ironic. "Now we wait,"

LILY

"Honey, I'm home!"

James jumped awake after having dozed off for the past fifteen minutes at Sirius's booming voice.

"He'd just gotten some rest Sirius," I scolded. "Did you have to be so loud?"

"It's important to make my presence known Evans, a Sirius entrance must always be a great and memorable entrance,"

I groaned. "You're not going to start referring to yourself as the third person are you?"

Sirius sniffed as if offended. "No, I am not."

Carla pushed past Sirius and moved over to embrace me. "Oh thank god you're alright Lil, I was so worried, are you hurt?"

My back was burnt for sure and I feared my hair was never going to be shiny and pretty again but at that moment all that mattered was that I was alive and James was hurt.

"I'll be fine," I told her briskly. "James got burnt though,"

Sirius moved over to James and tisked loudly. "James Potter what on earth am I going to do with you! You're lucky you have Evans because not even my wing man skills could help you when you continually damage yourself. What is it with you anyway? Evans manages to keep herself mostly in one piece, but you, you just seem to double the injuries!"

James opened his mouth to reply but I cut across. "It's because he's always trying to save me, I probably am responsible for eighty five percent of all his wounds,"

Sirius shook his head. "Well, thank god you agreed to marry him then because if ruining your face and body to protect someone else's isn't love, then I don't know what is,"

"Padfoot, shut up," James told him as he got to his feet. "Where are we headed?"

"My place, nurse Moody should be waiting for us,"

James rolled his eyes at Sirius and moved forwards to walk right past us to the door.

"James, what are you doing?" Carla asked.

"Going to check the damage," James replied, back turned to us.

"Potter, didn't we have a talk about stupidity tonight? Well, this would be a prime example," I said, moving forward to stand in front of the door, blocking his exit.

"If the fire is still burning, we'll leave right away," he told me calmly. "I have no plans on burning anymore of my skin off. Can you please move out of my way, this won't take very long,"

I sighed and moved away from the door, only to open it and indicate James should go first.

"Evans, what are you doing?" James asked in exasperation.

"I'm going to help, you're not doing this alone, and before you argue I just want to let you know that I'll be coming anyway so you may want to reserve your strength,"

James grunted a reply and walked past me muttering something about me being the death of him.

I grinned in victory. "Love you too!" I called as I followed.

"Whoa, wait up!" Sirius called as he raced after us, Carla hot on his heels.

James turned around irritable. "This isn't a camping trip or a fun excursion you know."

I placed an arm gently on his shoulder. "We know, we're just backing you up, doing what you'd insist on doing for us,"

James sighed. "Alright then,"

We focused on the house now and to all our relief the blaze was gone and had been replaced by dying embers and a whole lot of smoke. James' beautiful house was now reduced to almost nothing, just a blackened mess of debris.

"Oh James, I am so sorry!" Carla rushed forward to wrap her arms around James shoulders, James numbly patted her on the back, head twisted to stare at the rubble.

"Do you want to just head back to my place?" Sirius asked quietly. "We can stay and clean this up for you, you don't need to deal with this,"

James shook his head and with a wave of his wand apparated to the bottom of the tree house, which amazing was completely untouched or tainted. Within moments we'd all joined him and stood together, just staring, trying to figure out our next move.

"I'll take the black side," Sirius said boldly.

"It's all black Sirius," I replied.

"Don't be so racist," he told me in mock outrage and to my surprise James started chuckling softly.

"Let's just spread out," James said quietly. "Sirius and Carla stick together, me and Evans will pair off too, I don't want anyone to be alone ok?"

Sirius saluted James, before grabbing Carla's hand. "Yes sir! Come on babe, maybe we'll find some of my old toys I left here,"

I turned my face up. "God, I don't even want to know,"

James smiled softly and took my hand and lead me into the house.

To say it was awful and heart breaking would have been an understatement, after half an hour we'd gone through a fair amount of the house and so far all we'd scavenged was a golden goblet of Claire's and Harold's grandfather clock. Everything else we'd come across was completely ruined, most not even distinguishable. It was like being at a funeral, but for memories instead of a person; everywhere I looked depressed me and made me want to cry.

"Evans!"

I raced towards James' voice and stopped once I found him; he was kneeling in a pile or debris, holding something close to his chest. I moved closer and knelt next to him, feeling like I'd just entered some sort of sacred place.

"What is it?" I whispered.

Silently James handed me something with a big of weight and thick edges. I moved it closer and turned it over; it was a family portrait with Harold, James, Claire and Sirius, in pristine condition, no damage at all.

"He protected it," James whispered. "So we would always be a family in one frame without damage,"

I looked at James and then down at the photo and sent a silent thank you to Harold for giving James the best gift he possibly could at a time like this.

"Prongs! Where are you?" Sirius yelled.

"In here!" I called back.

Moments later Sirius and Carla carefully moved into the room, arms full of photo frames.

"We found these," Carla told James softly, showing him the photo's in her arms. "They're all perfect and untouched. I also found your mum's old medicine cabinet, it has a bit of damage but I repaired it as best as I could, I thought maybe you'd want to keep it,"

James looked up, his face blank of all emotion and then a single tear and then two, and then three fell down his cheek. "Thank you," he told Carla sincerely.

Carla smiled at James with affection. "Anytime,"

"You want to keep looking?" I asked James as I smoothed down his hair.

"No, we can come back, I think I need to rest awhile," he replied and as if on cue Sirius moved over and helped James to his feet, massive grin on his face.

"What's with the smile?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Harold is a genius and I'm just imagining Moony's face, you know he hates being kept waiting,"

James forced a small smile. "You're evil,"

Sirius wrapped a protective arm around James shoulder. "I love you too mate,"

*

"Where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" Remus demanded as soon as we apparated.

Sirius smirked as he helped James ease onto the couch. "Chill out mama wolf, we're here now,"

Remus grunted in frustration. "What took you so long anyway? Had to make sure you looked perfect for your return entrance?"

"We were cleaning up James' house," Carla replied defensively. "Is that ok with you?"

Remus sighed and all the frustration left him. "Sorry. You doing ok James?"

James barked a laugh. "Peachy keen Moony, life just keeps getting better and better,"

"You look awful,"

"Moony please, you're going to make me blush and my fiancée is in the room,"

Remus smiled as he rolled his eyes. "At least your personality is still in tact, wait here I'm going to get some potion and bandaged for your arms,"

We all waited in silence for Remus to return with the medical supplies and remained silent as he dressed James wounds in a quick professional way whilst being gentle.

"There you go mate, you should be back to normal in a week or so," Remus told him.

Sirius smirked. "Just enough time for you to figure out how to hurt yourself again Prongs,"

James through a cushion at him. "Hilarious Padfoot, since I have awhile I'll include you in my plan shall I?"

Sirius shrugged. "You can try but we both know I make anything look good,"

Carla, Remus and I both threw cushions at Sirius and he jumped back indignant. "Everyone's a critic!"

I turned to Remus, ignoring Sirius's wounded expression. "What did Dumbledore say?"

"He said he sends his deepest condolences and is very glad you are both escaped with minor injuries. He said he's working on a plan of attack to make sure it everyone else is safe as well, Frank and Alice are helping,"

"So we're actually going to fight?" James asked excitedly.

"You're not mate, I'm afraid we've all been given our new rosters and you and Lily are off duty for awhile,"

"I'm hurt, not dying," James snapped. "I want to help,"

"I know you do mate, but you're of no use to anyone if you're not completely healed and you're going to both still be involved in all the planning, all the meetings, you just won't have a chance to add any more scars to your body," Remus told him kindly.

James groaned in frustration. "This sucks, I'm out of the action _and_ homeless,"

"You're not homeless," Carla told him.

James waved her words away. "I know, me and Lily still have the tree house, but you know what I mean,"

"No, no that's not what I meant, we're not letting either you or Lily go back there, it doesn't even have a kitchen, you'll starve! No, no, we have an even better idea, plus an extra room to make it work,"

James looked horrified. "What are you saying? You don't mean-?"

Sirius grinned broadly, his whole face alight with mischief. "Welcome home roomie!"


	45. Chapter 45

Hey everyone,

Hope all is well and your having a great week. Here's another update for you all.

As always there are very special people i must thank; RavenclawLupin11, bookworm1545, ., bunnyhog, corkzilla, FaithfulHPReader, TmoVie, LiLoveheart, KatieMAGICLove, supacrazyhazey, Adorkably Adorkable, shroomy-eyes, -Scp-, hpdreamer500, SecretlyAGryffindor, hello-goodbye146, xheheitssamx, Psychokillerhoney, The DA is dressed to the nines, hptwilightlvr, XXXLILYJAMESXXX.

Lots of love for each of you  
xxxx xxx xxx : D

* * *

JAMES

I looked at the big grin on Sirius's face and my heart sank. Oh Merlin was I ever going to have proper alone time with Lily? Sirius was the best form of anti aphrodisiac there is.

"You're kidding right?"

Sirius shook his head still grinning. "It will just be like old times Prongs, except now you know who I'm taking home with me and I know you're not going to be eating ice cream and pining over Evans,"

Lily raised an eyebrow as her lips twitched and I sighed. "That never happened. Sirius…how do I put this delicately? I love you mate, you're my best friend but…well, remember when we had the house to ourselves, no parents or teachers to supervise us or keep us in control, do you remember what happened?"

Sirius started laughing. "Yeah you had no eye brows for like a week and I gave you some Poly Juice potion when you were asleep and you spent a whole day as Professor Sprout!"  
I cringed at the memory, Enid was a plump, sour faced girl in the year below us with some acne and attitude issues.

Lily and Carla were clutching each other, doubled over in silent laughter at this point.

"Yeah, that's right, now ask me again why I'm not too thrilled about this,"

Sirius gave me a one armed hug. "Prongs, your problem is you're looking at this from the wrong perspective,"

"Wrong perspective?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes, see you're focusing too much on yourself and not on how ingenious I am at being able to pull all this stuff off, not to mention how hilarious it is!"

I smiled tightly at Sirius. "Oh you're right, how selfish of me, in fact, maybe one day I'll return the favour,"

Sirius' face fell. "You'd never pull if off,"

I winked at him. "You've got to sleep sometime,"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort then shut it a few moments after, repeating this cycle a few times before Carla stepped between us.

"Alright, do I need to put you in opposite corners or are you ready to play nice?"

I sighed. "I'll play nice,"

Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Perfect, so you and Lily are staying with us and that's settled, what's next?"

We all turned to Remus expectantly. "Well, I guess we just sit tight and wait for news, Dumbledore didn't need to see us I don't think,"

I scowled. "Of course not, we're the pity cases that can't get involved,"

Carla shoved me gently. "That's enough of that James, Professor Dumbledore is trying to make sure no one gets killed, be grateful that he cares so much, besides, this time out from all the action will give you a chance to focus on the most important thing,"

I stared at her blankly. "Rebuilding my house?"

"No, don't be silly, planning your wedding!"

Oh right, in all the chaos I'd almost forgotten about that.

"You do remember you're getting married right?" Carla asked sharply. "You know, union of two people, consummating love,"

Sirius smirked. "Babe, Prongs doesn't know much about consummating,"

I gave Sirius the finger and then turned to Lily. "I guess she has a point, do we know when we want to have it?"

Carla squealed cutting off Lily's reply, I turned to her eye brows raised.

"You said 'we' you're all ready prepped for marriage!"

I nodded patiently and turned back to Lily, giving her my full attention.

"Sooner the better," she told me softly. "I really want my mum to be there,"

I nodded in understanding and moved forward to rub her back in comfort. "Of course Evans, anything you want, how long do you think it's going to take us to pull this off?"

Lily shrugged. "I only want something simple so maybe…a month?"

"A month!" Carla exploded. "Wow, that's not much time and there is _so_ much to do!"

"There is?" Remus, Sirius and I asked in unison.

Carla waved us off and turned back to Lily. "Well, if that's the time limit we have, we better start now, come on Lily,"

Lily looked bewildered. "Where are we going Carls, I'm pretty sure the shops are closed,"

Carla smiled at Lily and pulled her hand. "We're going to go get Violet and Alice and plan it together, you know, hash this whole thing out so we have some sort of an idea about where to go from here,"

"Are you going to be back for a late dinner?" Sirius asked, looking a little put out that Carla would be leaving him.

"Doubt it," Carla told him, bouncing over to give him a peck on the lips. "We might just crash where ever we end up,"

Sirius's eyes bulged and I couldn't blame him for the concern, I didn't like the idea of Lily being out there without me either, in fact, I was a heart beat away from following her.

"You're coming back here," Sirius told her firmly.

"Sirius, I'm not a child, I can handle myself," Carla replied.

"I don't really like it either," Remus added.

"No offence Remus, but you don't have to like it," Carla told him. "We can't just shut ourselves away in fear all the time,"

"Why don't you plan it here then?" I blurted out.

All pairs of eyes snapped onto me.

"What?" Sirius asked flatly at the same time Carla shrieked in excitement.

"Yeah, we can all have dinner together or something and you girls can get your planning stuff done and us guys can…"

"Put as much distance as possible from talk of wedding dresses and pretty flowers," Sirius finished then quickly back tracked when Carla glared at him. "But you know, make yourself at home, we can go and get some pizza or something for everyone if that helps,"

Carla grinned. "How thoughtful of you! Sounds wonderful, we'll go get the girls and be back soon, don't miss us too much!"

With a pop Carla and Lily apparated and then it was just us boys in the room. Sirius turned to me angrily.

"Why would you do that Prongs! My house is going to become a boutique now! Soon I'll wake up and be dressed in a tux with Carla beside me in a wedding dress, don't you ever think?"

I glared back. "I thought this was about keeping the girls safe and in our sight so we could protect them?"

Sirius exhaled a deep breath. "Alright, you're right, of course you're right it's just…my house!"

I grinned. "Your house is going to be fine mate, and who knows maybe all this wedding stuff will put Carla in a more 'romantic' mood,"

Sirius looked up and sighed. "God I hope so,"

I smirked and clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, you better get to the pizza and munchies, you know how girls get when their sugar is low,"

All three of us shuddered.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I have to do something," I told him.

"_Now?_ You're going to leave me hip deep in chick land?"

I chuckled. "Wasn't that always your dream?"

Sirius pulled a face at me and waved me off.

"James wait!"

I spun around to face Remus. "Be careful will you? Where ever and whatever you doing,"

I grinned in return. "Don't worry Moony, I'm always careful,"

Remus sighed in defeat just as I apparated.

*

I moved swiftly through the shadows, as silent as possible, I didn't really want an audience for this. As I crept closer and I closer, I got cockier, believing I could really go undetected.

"Mr Potter,"

I froze. Busted.

"What are you doing here? I thought we were quite clear you have are not to come here,"

"Without permission I know, I know," I replied. "It's ok Carmel, I'm not here to cause a scene, I just…I really need to talk to my dad ok? I have something for him,"

Carmel looked at me with sad eyes. "James…you do realise your father hasn't shown any signs of awareness, what exactly are you expecting?"

I shrugged and offered a small smile. "I just want him to know I'm thinking of him enough to come and speak to him I guess,"

Carmel nodded towards the door. "Go on then, take your time,"

"Thank you," I replied softly and headed towards the door.

The fifteen steps to my dads hospital bed felt like they took forever, when I finally reached the bed I had to practically force myself to look down at his sallow face.

"Hey old man," I said to him in a cracked voice.

"I'm not staying long, I promise not to yell this time either, I just wanted to tell you the house is gone, all of it, Death Eaters thought they'd drop in and leave us something to remember them by. I couldn't save it, I really wish I had, that was our whole lives in there…just gone. You're a genius though, always one step ahead. That's kinda why I came, I uh…wanted to give you this;"

I placed a small photo frame on his chest, the photo of him, mum and me when I was twelve on my first day of Hogwarts and wrapped his hands around it.

"Just so you know we're with you always, I love you dad, I'll come visit real soon,"

I moved forward to press a kiss to his forehead, before stepping back and staring at him one last time, his bone structure was like mine, we had the same messy hair and stubborn set to our chin; but he'd lost his spark, now looking more like my grandfather than dad.

Man, I missed him.

With a final sigh and tight smile at my dad I shook off the depth of my feelings, reminding myself that I had friends to head back to and a beautiful woman awaiting me.

"See ya round dad," I whispered and then I left the dark, empty room behind me.

**LILY**

"Baby can you bring some more pop corn in?" Carla asked Sirius sweetly, whom slowly trudged off to do so and would probably procrastinate as long as possible.

"You're evil, you know that?" Violet said with a giggle.

Carla shrugged. "He doesn't have to do it,"

There was a beat of silence before Alice, Carla, Violet and I both chorused at the same time.

"Yeah he does,"

"Anyway, I think the draft of the invitations Violet drew up are perfect," Carla said, changing the subject.

I looked down at the mock invitations, complete with envelope that turns into a paper dove to deliver the R.S.V.P. already it looked beautiful, already I was excited, already I was nervous beyond belief.

James Potter was my fiancée, soon to be husband, I was going to spend the rest of my life waking up to those mischievous eyes and warm embrace.

"Lil, what do you think?" Alice asked gently.

I smiled brightly. "I think I'm going to have the best wedding in all of history…besides yours of course Alice,"

Alice smiled kindly. "Yours will be better, your wedding won't be a show case, it will be simple, beautiful and filled with love, what's better than that?"

"Pop corn anyone?"

We all smiled up at Sirius who had returned with the pop corn, even going as far as to putting some in a bowl for each of us with our names on the bowl, everyone had a smiley face next to their name except for Carla who had a love heart.

"Thanks lover," Carla said with a wink. "Now take a seat, you, Remus and Frank can help us decide on possible venues,"

At that moment James popped back into the room and Sirius actually dropped to his knees and threw his arms around James's waist.

"Oh there is a God after all!"

After a sharp look from Carla Sirius quickly tacked on. "Because now we have an extra pair of hands and opinions to help with this _fun, fun, fun_ planning we're doing!"

James chuckled and pried Sirius's arms from his body. "Lovely, this is exactly what I felt like doing all night,"

I placed my hands on my hips in mock outrage. "James Potter, _you're_ the one that asked me to marry you, if you didn't want the fuss of planning the best day of our lives, then you should never have asked,"

James smiled at me cheekily and then launched himself across the room, to land in my lap. "Evans, why don't you plan the whole thing and I'll organise what I'm wearing then all you need to do is tell me when and where to show up, and I'm there,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I can see we have a romantic future ahead,"

James stroked my face and pulled me down to meet his lips. Heat shot through my body the second our lips touched and as James pulled me closer I was positively scorching.

"Um guys, we're still here you know?" Frank said.

I pulled away blushing as James got up and then pulled me up and onto his lap.

"Yeah, save it for the honey moon," Violet giggled.

"Honey moon!" Sirius burst out. "Evans, the boys and I can do that, we can organise the honey moon and bachelor party!"

I looked at Sirius doubtfully. God only knew where we would end up if Sirius planned out honey moon.

"Sirius, no offence but I don't want to be stuck at a nude beach or on an orgy cruise or something, you can just focus on the bachelor party."

"What? Evans no!" James called out as Sirius jumped up, punched the air and began gyrating around the room.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything,"

Sirius froze, mid gyrate as Professor Dumbeldore's voice was heard around the room. I bit my lip to keep from bursting into laughter as the girls all giggled, James whooped out a laugh, Remus and Frank chuckled whilst Sirius remained in the same position.

"Don't stop on my account," Dumbledore told Sirius with a quirk of his lips. "It looked very…festive,"

Sirius, now red in the face, moved swiftly away from Dumbledore and sat next to Carla, burying his face in her hair.

"Planning the wedding?" Dumbledore asked, although he was looked very tense.

"Attempting to anyway," I replied. "Although I'm sure you didn't just come here to talk wedding plans, how can we help sir?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I'm afraid something has come up, there has been an attack on muggles, a very large attack in central London, at one of their restaurants, the Ministry are trying their best to help cover up and subtly look after the Muggles that have been hurt so far however, some have been taken hostage, some are still being used as a form of entertainment, we need as many as possible to stop this. I'm afraid there is no more time of talk, now we must act. Professor Moody is already there with Mr Fenwick, however, they cannot do it alone, we need to be the reinforcements,"

Frank nodded and stood up. "Alright, I'm good to go, just tell me where I'm headed,"

Alice nodded. "I'm going too, let me just quickly change into some sneakers,"

Violet bit her lip before nodding. "I think I'm going to head home, but if you do need me send word and I _will_ come, is that ok?"

Dumbledore smiled at her gently. "Of course,"

"I'm going to stay with Violet, I'm going to get medical supplies organised in case someone needs patching up, we'll be at my place waiting,"

Dumbledore nodded and together Violet and Remus left to go and prepare for the worst.

"Well, I'm in for sure," James said roughly. "Don't expect me to just sit around doing nothing,"

Dumbledore turned to James and shook his head. "You know I cannot let you do that, both you and Lily need to rest up, this isn't the place for you,"

"But sir that's so-"

"No buts," Dumbledore told him firmly. "We need to be efficient, arguing cuts into precious time,"

Carla looked torn, guilty and miserable. "I'm staying then," she murmured.

I moved over and rubbed her hand, trying to convey in this simple gesture that it was ok and I support her decision.

"I'm staying too," Sirius said simply, relaxing back into the chair.

Dumbledore nodded, not surprised and moments later Alice had returned, dressed casually and comfortably in some of Carla's clothes, faces tense with determination.

"We must head off then," Dumbledore said, gesturing for the group to hold hands with him or with each other. "We shouldn't be any longer than an hour or so, it's just a simple track and retrieval, I don't feel we will meet much resistance, we'll keep you posted,"

I nodded gravely. "Ok, be safe alright?"

Dumbledore nodded briskly and then they were all gone, leaving silence and tension in the room behind them.

Finally James turned to Sirius. "Pad foot, you could have gone you know, as annoying as it is staying behind and being left out of the action, I wouldn't have been upset that you went without me,"  
Sirius wrapped one arm around Carla, one around James. "And leave you with two beautiful girls alone? Not a chance, besides, we're in it together, the awesome foursome, there will be other fights, other time,"

Carla hung her head in shame. "Sirius, I'm not in the order…"

Sirius grinned at Carla, pecking her lightly on the nose. "Minor details babe, that takes nothing away from our awesome foursome."

Carla raised her eyebrows. "I don't like sharing, so the whole foursome thing better be theoretical,"

Sirius smirked and tapped his head. "No worries, I got it all up here and it is _beautiful_!"

James and I caught each other's glance and rolled our eyes as one. Typical Sirius.

*

"Something is wrong, I just know it, they should have been back by now," James said as he paced across the room.

Carla looked up in panic. "Maybe it just took a little longer than they thought? It doesn't mean anything bad, right?"  
I turned to my best friend, not wanting to smash her safety bubble she lived in but knowing being naïve in times like these wasn't helpful at all. "Carls, it's been over three hours, that's not a good sign,"

Sirius shrugged and stood up, stretching his muscles and joints. "So we go, we rescue, we kick death eater arse, sounds good to me,"

Carla looked up at Sirius pleadingly. "I don't want to go Sirius,"

Sirius sighed in exasperation. "Babe, those are our friends, our teachers, people that mean so much to us, I'm not going to sit down and do nothing when they could be hurt or worse, how could I ever look at myself in the mirror again knowing I'd as good as killed them myself by doing nothing?"

Carla begins to cry. "I just…I don't want you to get hurt,"

"I'm not going to get hurt, and either will you. I won't let anything hurt you ok? You don't have to come, I won't force you, but we're going, with or without you,"

Carla let the tears drip down her cheeks and onto the floor. "Ok…I'll come,"

Sirius clapped Carla on the arse and beamed. "I'm proud of you, just stick close to me and it will be alright, you ready?"

"No," Carla told him in a shaky voice. "I think I'm going to throw up,"

Sirius squeezed her hand. "That's the spirit!"

"Where are we going though?" I asked. "No point going in wands blazing and not even having the right place,"

James held his hand out to me and I took it without hesitation. "He said it was in central London right? At a restaurant? How hard could it be to find, we just apparate to central London then follow the blaring lights and blind panic,"

Sirius grinned at James and held his knuckles out. "Good thinking Prongs, we are gonna _own_ this night!"

James pounded his knuckles against Sirius's and then stood straight and at attention. "Alright everyone, hold on tight and have your wands ready, we're going in, Evans, you know the main shopping centre right? Take us there,"

One hand secured in James tightly and the other clenching my wand in an iron grip, I nodded at James that I was ready, I blinked three times and then the scenery changed.

It was chaos, absolute and utter bedlam. People ran screaming through the streets, police took statements, ambulance and medical personnel busy with injured people and fire fighters worked intently on putting out the blazing fire that threatened to burn down the whole building. No one even noticed us appear out of thin air, no one paid us any attention at all.

As we moved closer I felt the urge to cover my ears with my hands; all I could hear was painful shrieking. I looked up at the top floor and saw familiar black hair whip past, followed by a few sinister shadows. I grit my teeth in anger. Bellatrix.

"We need to get in there," I told James tersely. "We have to find the others,"

"We can't just walk through," James replied. "And I don't want to apparate in, in case we land in fire,"

"You need a distraction,"

We all turned to Carla, who's eyes were trained on the building ahead. "I'll distract them and then you can all slip around the back, ok?"

"Are you sure?" I asked.

Carla nodded and pulled her wand out, jinxing a bin near by to start dancing around making a huge racket and cars to move down the street by themselves, jumping over each other like it was a game of leap frog. At once everyone except the fire fighters started to take notice, all attention diverted to the strange happenings around them.

"Go now," Carla told us in a strained voice. "I need to focus on this, I don't think I can keep it up safely for ever,"

I swiftly pecked Carla on the cheek as Sirius pecked her lips and then we hurried past the mass of spectators around the back to let ourselves in.

The walls were smouldering and it was hot, like it had been in James' house although this time to fire didn't swerve to get us, it just burned steadily around us at a slow and even pace, allowing us to move around it and navigate our way to the stair case. Strange as it was, the fire seemed to be worse on the bottom level and the further we reached the top, the easier the ability to see and breathe were.

"Wait," James hissed, throwing his arm out so I couldn't move any further. "There are curses going everywhere in there, cast a shielding charm before we move any further.

"What is it?" I whispered back.

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Sirius asked. "It's completely silent,"

"I know," James replied gravely. "Why isn't anyone screaming, why aren't there any signs of a fight?"

Fear and dread corroded my body as I thought about what this could mean.

"Standing here isn't doing anything," Sirius said reasonably. "Move forward,"

Cautiously we proceeded forward and the eerie silence stood all my hair on end. This wasn't right. Where was everyone? Where were the death eaters for that matter?

I looked around and everywhere I looked showed signs of struggle, or battle and of injury, random blood splatters coated some walls and tables, much of the furniture was beyond repair.

"I don't like this," Sirius said quietly. "I really don't like this,"

"Where is everyone?" James asked. "Frank, Alice, Dumbledore, Moody, Blake? Where are they all?"

I moved around the room, searching for any signs of life, hell even a body would be more comfort than not knowing.

"Evans, over here! We found Moody, he's not conscious but he's breathing,"

Hope filled my heart as I rushed over, I was almost there when my foot caught on something and I fell.

I looked down at what had tripped me and let out a scream.


	46. Chapter 46

Hey beautiful ones,

This is a pretty intense but short chapter for you, kinda ran out of steam with it. So sad that it can't be happy all the time, just have to wait for those brief moments of happiness and beauty :D

To the most amazing people ever; **shellyfish, Toylet, hpdreamer500, CaraGrace, DigiNetaChan, hptwilightlvr, ILOVEMAGIC, hypnotizinq, , ravenclawLupin11, SecretlyAGryffindor, xheheitssamx, FaithfulHPReader, hello-goodbye146, XXJAMESLILYXX, bookworm1545, LiLoveheart, TmoVie, -Scp-, The DA is dressed to the nines, KatieMAGICLove, RascalLil'Pixie, shroomy-eyes.**

You light up my world, you really do. Thank you so much.

* * *

JAMES

I had really had enough of smoke, darkness and doom, honestly, it was starting to turn out that living in this world was a great feat, that waking up every morning merited some sort of praise some award.

Sirius as I walked around the room, using our wands for light as we searched for survivors…or bodies.

From the corner of my eyes I saw something and nudged Sirius in that direction. We rushed over to find Alastor Moody lying unconscious, crumpled on the floor, his new magical eye out of its socket and laying right near his out stretched hand. Even unconscious he looked tough and defensive; his whole body slumped forward as if to protect something; to keep something safe. He must have been trying to reach his eye when he got knocked out. I looked into the deep, empty socket that was oozing something clear and thick.

Disgusting.

Sirius checked his pulse. "He's alive," he said to me before turning in the direction where Lily was searching.

"Evans! Over here, we found Moody, he's not conscious, but he's breathing!"

Lily, hope on her face began to rush over, but before she could reach us, I watched in slow motion as she stripped and fell. There was a gasp of surprise from Lily and then an earth shattering scream.

I pushed past Sirius to get to Lily first, wand out and ready to protect her if need be, as I reached Lily I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around her.

"Lily, what's wrong? What happened?"

Lily looked up at me with hollow eyes. "I found Benjy,"

"What? Where?" I asked.

Lily looked down and I followed her eyes to Fenwick's arm; which had his wand still clenched in his hand, however; was not attached to his body.

"Oh whoa," I looked around me and saw pieces of his mangled body all around us and suddenly Moody's out stretched arm made sense to me; he wasn't trying to reach his eye, he was trying to protect Fenwick. Bile forced itself up my throat as I noticed Benjy's head…or parts of it; his mouth opened in a permanent 'O' of horror.

"Oh Jesus, those sick bastards!" Sirius burst out. "There isn't even a full body here, how the hell are we meant to take him back to his family like this?"

"Sirius," I warned, noticing Lily was looking more and more like she was reaching and about to storm past breaking point.

"Prongs, seriously, what are we meant to do? Gift wrap his head one arm and half a leg? That's bullshit!"

"Sirius!" I snapped. "Now is not the time ok? We need to get out of here,"

"We have to bring him," Lily said quietly.

"Bring who? Moody? Well obviously, I shot gun not carrying him though," Sirius replied.

"No, Benjy," Lily told him.

"Oh…um Evans, I don't want to be rude or anything but how exactly were you planning on doing that? Apparate back and forth with the pieces?"

Lily stared over at Sirius coldly before pulling out her wands, Sirius immediately backed up. "Whoa Evans I'm sorry if I pissed you off, just please put the wand down,"

Lily turned her back to Sirius and conjured up a stretcher. "We'll put him on that,"

I looked at Lily sadly. "Evans, that's a lot of stuff to apparate, I don't want to drop or lose any…I just want to be sure we keep him together,"

Lily nodded and then conjured another two stretchers. "We're all taking him then,"

"Who's taking Moody then?" Sirius asked.

"Carla," Lily replied briskly before taking a deep breath and gently, as if handling the most delicate object, picked up Benjy's arm and placed it on the stretcher, entwining her fingers with his for a few brief moments before withdrawing.

Sirius spoke slowly; choosing his words carefully. "Evans, you know that Carla loves you more than anything, and she would do almost anything for you but you can't ask her to do this, she won't do this,"

I placed my hand on Lily's shoulder gently. "He's right love, Carla doesn't even want to be a part of the order, we're lucky she even agreed to come with us,"

Lily snorted and rolled her eyes, pulling away from me and making a point to find every piece of Benjy and gently place him on the stretchers.

Sirius started after Lily but I shook my head; right now she needed to deal with this her own way, everyone handled grief and horror different, we couldn't blame her for being upset, hell I was probably never going to sleep again after this.

"Where are the others?" I whispered to Sirius. "This is only a two story place, the bottom is an inferno and up here we only have Moody, Benjy and destruction; so where are the others?"

Sirius looked horrified. "You don't think they're in pieces around here somewhere too?"

I shook my head, sickened at the thought. "No, I don't think they're here at all, so that really only gives us a few options,"

"They're dead, prisoners or made it back safe and we missed them," Sirius added for me.

We looked at each other grimly, only the former two seemed likely.

"Guys, what's taken so long, have you found everyone?"

We all froze as Carla's voice rang out through the room. Great, level five freak out from Carla was the last thing we needed right now.

"Oh my god, is Mr Moody ok?" she asked, rushing over to me and Sirius, not noticing Lily and the stretchers yet.

"We think he's going to be fine babe, actually, do you think you can apparate him back to our place? We'll be there soon," Sirius told her.

Carla eyed Sirius suspiciously. "Why can't you take him? Have you found the others then?"

"We found Benjy," Lily replied coolly.

"Benjy Fenwick?" Carla responded. "Awesome, where is he? Is he ok?"

Lily shook her head, tears in her eyes.

Only then did Carla notice the stretchers, the blood, the decimated room…and what was left of Benjy.

Before she could say anything Carla ran over to the side and threw up everything in her stomach, heaving and sobbing for a few minutes as Sirius held her hair back and rubbed her back.

Lily wrapped her arms around herself, her shoulders shaking and turned her back to me, even from where I was standing I could feel every sob she made tear me apart. I moved forward slowly and placed my arms around her shoulders, ready to piece her back together and look after her in much the same way Sirius was going to have to look after Carla.

Feeling my touch Lily stopped shaking and spun around, her tears hadn't fallen and instead of looking broken, she looked determined.

"We need to get Carla, Moody and Benjy out of here, and then we need to try and find the others, Carla can send word to Professor McGonagall and see if she's heard anything from Dumbledore or Alice and Frank, then we can plan our next move from there,"

My mouth dropped in amazement as I stared at her. Even after all the horror, after everything that has gone wrong after all we had lost here was Lily Evans, terrified? Yes, but so incredibly strong, determined and brave, always putting others before herself.

"You never cease to amaze me," I whispered.

Lily smiled tightly as one single tear fell down her cheek, I leant forward and kissed it; the salty liquid on my tongue tasting like sadness, bitterness and despair. God if we ever did get married; I was going to spend the rest of my life making sure Lily never had to cry again.

Lily and I both moved over to Carla and Sirius and as soon as Carla noticed Lily there she stumbled into her arms and sobbed. Lily rubbed Carla's back and stroked her hair gently.

"He's in pieces….he's…oh god…and I walked in and….blood everywhere….I just don't…this isn't fair!"

"Carla, Carla I need you to stop crying ok? I need you to be brave, remember how you were always the best at sneaking out and not letting fear paralyse you? Remember how you told me you just had to pretend you were someone else, leave the fear and ties to your true personality behind and let someone else take you on an adventure? I need you to do that for me now, I need you to be brave and fearless and help because we may have lost Benjy, but we don't have to lose Dumbledore, Alice and Frank, do you understand what I'm telling you, can you do that for me?"

Carla nodded, still sobbing, tears still streaming down her cheeks.

"Ok good, you're doing really good, now can you take Moody back to your place and then send word to Professor McGonagall and the rest of the order, see if anyone has checked in?"

Carla nodded, tears slowing now. Lily was a miracle worker for sure.

Lily smiled at Carla and lead her over to Moody, deliberately avoiding any path of blood and gore, following Lily's lead Carla ambled over to Moody and practically collapsed to her knees when she reached his side.

Sirius knelt down next to her and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Deep breath babe, you can do this, I love you,"

Carla tried to smile but only a grimace came out. "I love you too," she replied and then with a deep breath, Moody's body disappeared along with her.

LILY

As Carla left I stumbled back, right into James' arms and tried so hard to calm myself down. This could quite possibly be the worst day of my life. I actually felt like I could actually be in a horror movie, or maybe just a very realistic nightmare because honestly, how could this be real? How could it be possible that there were only pieces of Benjy left and that Dumbeldore, Frank and Alice had just disappeared off the face of the earth? It just couldn't be real.

"Evans, how you doing?" Sirius asked, walking over and pulling me into his arms.

I let myself be held by Sirius's firm and strong body and relaxed into his arms, working so hard to keep my emotions in check.

"You can cry," Sirius told me. "I've been told I have excellent shoulders to cry on,"

I smiled a little and pulled away, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks, but crying isn't going to solve anything, we need to act now. I saw Bellatrix, just before we got in here, so they can't be that far ahead right?"

"Are you sure you saw her?" James asked.

"Positive, there was someone else with her too, I couldn't really see though,"

Sirius's face lost all light, softness and cheer, instead a hard mask of fury and vengeance took his place.

"I'm going to kill her, one day we are going to fight to the death and I am going to laugh as that bitch dies,"

James clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Poetic mate, but let's focus on the now and finding our friends, we haven't got Bellatrix here to punish,"

"I wish she was here," I replied bitterly. "Sirius is right, she needs a good kick in the teeth,"

"Be careful what you wish for," sang a very familiar, insane voice.

Every part of my body tensed for a fight as I swung around trying to find out where she was.

"You shouldn't have come back," James called out. "That was very stupid,"

"Concerned about me Potter? I'm touched," she replied.

"Hardly," James replied sourly. "I was just pointing out how fucking stupid you are,"

"I only came back to finish off the crazy eyed freak, but looks like I hit the jackpot. You shouldn't have come here to a battle none of you are prepared to fight unless you wanted to end up like Jigsaw boy over there, _that_ was really stupid of you,"

"I'll kill you," I screamed. "Show yourself you bitch, I'm going to end this once and for all!"

Bellatrix giggled and it echoed all around the room. "Ahh the Mud blood, how like you to try and involve yourself in things you're not even worthy to know about. Congratulations on the engagement though, I trust you liked my gift?"

"I burnt it," I snarled.

"That was rude," Bellatrix replied casually. "I put a lot of effort into that gift you know? Hmm, well since I'm in a good mood tonight I think I won't kill you until _after_ you're married; gives it more poetry don't you think? Consider that my wedding gift to you."

"Thanks," I replied harshly. "When are you going to get married? Maybe my gift to you will be showing you how killing someone is done, or perhaps you I'll teach Rudolphus just so you don't mess it up,"

Bellatrix hissed out loud, all humour and taunting gone. "I don't have time to play games Mud blood, unless you want to be the main dish, why don't you make it easier for yourself and surrender to me now and tell your boys to back off, I swear it won't hurt."

James roared a loud and with amazing speed ran at one of the pillars and whirled his wand around; stunning Bellatrix from her hiding spot so she came crashing to the ground, cracking her head on the floor.

"Whoa! Way to go Prongs!" Sirius cheered as he moved over to Bellatrix and viciously kicked her in the face, breaking her nose. "That was for Benjy you psychotic bitch, send that love to mother too,"

I stared at Sirius in shock, completely stunned by his display of cruelness.

"Stop it," he told me harshly. "She is not a person, she is not innocent, she is _nothing_,"

I nodded slightly and turned to James. "Well? What do we do with her?"

"Kill her right?" Sirius asked eaerly.

James shook his head vigorously. "No, we need to get out of here…now. She said she didn't have much time, I think we've got company coming, we need to get Benjy and get the fuck out of here before any of us end up like him ok?"

Sirius looked furious. "We're just going to let her get away? Run back to her little death eater friends!"

James sneered down at Bellatrix and snarled out a curse. I watched in horror as half the bones in her body broke and blood began to ooze out of her nose, mouth and ears.

"She's not running anywhere, let's go,"

I hesitated, as much as I loathed Bellatrix Black, I wasn't so sure I was comfortable with leaving her almost for dead here, which made me hate my weakness. Sensing my uncertainty Sirius grabbed my wrist so my eyes snapped onto his now lifeless gray ones.

"Benjy is in pieces because of her," he told me firmly. "Muggles have died because of her, I know you don't like violence Evans, I know you feel like we're acting just as bad as they do but we are just protecting ourselves and in turn saving many others, do not feel sorry for her,"

Sirius' words empowered me and I felt an invisible hard shell cover my whole body and I found a new perspective on life and this war.

Kill or be killed, I told myself and nodded at Sirius so he knew I understood. Sirius nodded back at me as he held onto a stretcher with Benjy's arm. I pushed down the urge to wretch as I moved to my place to take one of the other stretcher's just as James took his.

"Apparate to the back yard," James instructed. "Carla's had enough for tonight I think."

I took one last look at Bellatrix's limp and bleeding body one last time before the scenery changed and I was in Sirius's backyard. My feet touched the soft grass and my knees buckled, my hand slipped from the stretcher and I fell face first onto the grass.

Without Carla here to be strong for I felt myself crumbling. I crawled away from the pieces of Benjy and towards the forest entrance, once safely there I began to retch and retch and retch, tears streaming down my face relentlessly as my stomach rid itself of everything inside.

Warm, soothing hands pulled my hair away from my face and rubbed circles around my back as I cried and threw up. I knew immediately it was James.

"Shh, you're ok," he whispered to me. "I'm here, you're safe, you're ok,"

After I was done, I wiped my mouth with my hand and fell back into James' arms.

"It's so horrible," I murmured to him, tears making my eyes heavy.

"I know it is," he replied softly.

"He was so young and had so much life to live, is that what we're going to end up like? Killed when we're defenceless, are we going to die before we even reach thirty?"

"Don't talk like that," James told me. "You can't let yourself talk like that, you need to be positive,"

"It's not fair," I cried.

"I know it's not," he agreed. "This is a bullshit situation, we're too young for this. It's not fair, it's not right, but it is what it is. I'm here, I love you and I am always going to be here. We just need to stick together and work together to keep everyone safe ok? We have help, we have skills, and we have love and youth on our side. I'm not going to let anything happen to you Evans, I will die before I see anyone harm you,"

I let myself be rocked in James' arms, thinking that although his words were meant to comfort me, I felt just as scared and helpless as before because not once did he tell me it was going to be ok.


	47. Chapter 47

Huge thanks as always to the very special and talented:Renesmeeisme, E.B., CaraGrace, Ash, Jaz09, hpdreamer500, Double Awesomeness with Knobs, FaithfulHPReader, xheheitssamx, Adorkably Adorkable, XXJAMESLILYXX, aprilsdiamond, ravenclawLupin11, SecretlyAGryffindor, LiLoveheart, TmoVie, Opa12, bookworm1545, Toylet, The DA is dressed to the nines, hptwilightlvr, XxIloveHarryPotterxX.

Love and cuddles to you all

xxx

* * *

JAMES

As I rocked Lily in my arms I tried my hardest to keep my own stomach down, between the smell of Lily's vomit and Benjy's bloody mangled body; my senses were pretty much protesting and my stomach contents wanted out.

Man, this was definitely not how I had planned my life at seventeen years old. I mean the whole Lily thing was always a part of my dream but the constant death, the fights, the imminent doom? Yeah, not exactly what dreams are made of, huh?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be doing this, you're dealing with a lot too," Lily said quietly a few minutes after.

"Don't apologise," I told her sincerely. "That's what I'm here for and besides you don't always have to be strong, occasionally you're allowed to be human and experience emotions,"

Lily screwed her face up at me before punching me in the arm. "Experience this,"

I winced then smiled down at her. "That's my girl!"

Lily smiled up at me, tears falling down her face still.

I looked at my watch and sighed, we'd better head inside soon, Sirius would come check on us soon and I know Lily wouldn't want him to see her like this. "Ready to face the troops?"

Lily closed her eyes and took five deep breaths, when she opened her eyes again she was transformed, the desperation left her eyes replaced with only weariness, her tears dried, her mouth no longer quivered; she stared up at me composed, determined and calm.

"Yeah I'm good, human moment over, let's go,"

I looked behind me at the stretchers holding Benjy and ushered Lily forward.

"You go ahead love, I'll be right behind you,"

Lily sent me a grateful smile, understanding what I'm really saying, the break I'm giving her.

"Love you," she calls as she moves towards the house.

I allow myself a moment of happiness and peace before I turn around and move towards the stretchers, I conjure some blankets and place them over each stretcher; veiling the horror a little. It was a child's trick I know, but I figured that if could just cover it up; if I didn't have to look at the unthinkable evil that lay beneath the covers than I could convince myself that it wasn't there, that I was merely moving some stuff for Sirius.

Once Benjy was all covered I used my wand to direct the stretchers in front of me as I headed towards the house. When I reached the back patio I took a deep breath, preparing for the chaos inside. I left the stretchers at the front of the door and stepped inside…to find silence. There was no yelling, no sobbing, no vocal exchanges of any kind, just silence. Acting on instinct, I moved to a defensive position and ran into the main room to find Carla and Lily fussing over Dumbledore who lay on Sirius's sofa with his eyes closed, face pale, whilst Remus and Sirius helped Moody gulp down some water.

God, Dumbledore looked as pale as death, but he couldn't actually be…I mean, it wasn't possible for him to have…he just had to be alive, that was really the only conclusion, any other option was impossible.

"What's going on?" I asked quietly.

"Potter," Moody growled feebly.

I moved over to him and knelt down to his level. "What's up Mad Eye?" I joked.

He cocked an eyebrow over the new magical eye that was swivelling around.

"I was only kidding," I said quickly, not wanting to get cursed.

Moody just looked at me curiously and then finally nodded to himself. "No I like it, honest and to the point, very realistic,"

I nodded, not entirely sure he was all there in the head. "Right, well, do you remember what happened?"

Moody hung his head. "The boy was trying to protect me, we were out numbered, the whole thing was a trap to try and lure us out one by one and kill us off, that Lestrange boy, the youngest Black boy and blonde Black girl snatched a muggle so the Longbottoms tore after her, therefore to ensure they kept their lives Dumbledore raced after them, I stayed behind to fight the cowardly scum that couldn't even fight one on one! Bellatrix sent something nasty my way and Fenwick deflected her curse and did some damage of his own to her and her men…damn idiot, but damn brave boy. She said she'd teach him a lesson, that he needed to be cut down to size, I tried to reach for him but they knocked me out see…and I suppose you know what happened after that,"

I pushed down the rising bile from my throat and tried to get my breathing as even as possible.

"Alright, that explains Benjy, what about Dumbledore, Frank, Alice? Dumbledore's not…I mean he's going to be fine right? He's just sleeping?"

Moody barked out a humourless laugh. "Oh he's sleeping alright, had some help too, as soon as I was brought here I came to, still ready to fight, gave the poor girl a damn good fright too!"

"Skip the prologue and get to the action," I replied impatiently.

Moody glared at me and Carla who'd I'd forgotten up until now speaks up for him.

"Professor Dumbledore turned up moments later looking like he'd just participated in a triathlon or something and I got him to sit down so he could rest, he wasn't bleeding or anything, just looked exhausted, he said that he'd done his best and that it wasn't enough, that there had been too many and they used some sort of charm to drain his energy so it took twice as much effort to protect himself. I think if it had been anyone but Dumbledore, they'd be dead, he's got all these weird marks on him from where the curses should have impacted, it's really impressive,"

Irritation gnawed at me and it took all my effort not to grab Carla by the shoulders and shake her vigorously, instead I asked through gritted teeth.

"So, Frank and Alice, where are they in this story? Do we have bodies to bury or friends to welcome home?"

Carla bit her lip and turned away from me, irritating me further.

"They're gone,"

I whipped my head in Dumbledore's direction.

"As in what? Disappeared?" Sirius asked tensely.

"As in taken against their will, stolen, kid napped, held hostage, is that clear enough for you Mr Black?"

Sirius pursed his lips and said nothing, Lily wasn't so easily silenced.

"And how the hell did that happen? Who took them? Are they going to get killed? Most importantly, how are we going to find them and bring them back?"

Dumbledore nodded at each question before speaking. "All very good questions Miss Evans,"

"It's Lily, just call me Lily,"

"Lily then. As I was saying, very good questions, however I can only answer two with absolute certainty. Mr and Mrs Longbottom were taken by the death eaters, I can only guess what they would be kept for, none of the out comes makes me comfortable, as for how they were taken, I'm afraid I must taken full responsibility."

"Professor I'm sure it wasn't all you," Remus assured him.

"Ah but Remus it is. I completely underestimated the situation and put everyone in the gravest of danger, we arrived to an ambush which even at full capacity we would have struggled to battle. There was a young muggle they were…tormenting, as soon as we arrived they directed their attention to us, they weren't even surprised to see us there. Bellatrix took the young girl and a few others followed, Alice noticed first and didn't hesitate to put her life on the line to follow, of course Frank followed on; sensing something was very wrong I acted on impulse and trailed after them. I arrived to find Alice and Frank fighting for their lives against at least seven death eaters whilst Lord Voldernort watched, as though it was a game of Quidditch he was enjoying. Upon my arrival Lord Voldemort and I engaged in battle, someone had cast a draining charm and within minutes I felt the strain. I was ready to grab the Longbottoms and depart together when young Regulus grabbed them and apparated away with them. I could not follow as I was then faced with Lord Voldemort and the remaining death eaters, I'm not proud to admit this; however as soon as I saw I was able I apparated right back here, into Carla's capable hands,"

We all stared at him in silence until finally Sirius broke the silence, as usual. "Well Professor, in all honesty, you faced seven wands and _Lord Voldemort_ and survived, you should pretty much pat yourself on the back, that's an impressive feat. As for Alice and Frank, we're going to get them back, and they're going to return _alive_, then we're going to have a massive bachelor party for James and drink away any memory of this. Who's with me?"

LILY

We all stared at Sirius, mouths open, eye brows raised.

"That's a great plan Padfoot and we're all for it," Remus began gently. "It's just, for it to be effective, we'd need some sort of idea as to where Alice and Frank are so we could plan on rescuing them and we don't have any clue,"

"We can go back to the cabin in the woods," I suggested. "I can try and track down Severus?"

"We could head back to the scene, see if they left any clues? There's always a trail," James added.

Sirius smiled broadly at us both. "I have an ever better idea; I think it's time I paid my baby brother a little visit, after all as his big bro it's my responsibility to teach him the rights and wrongs of this world. It's important he realises kidnapping ones friends and becoming a murderous leach is punishable by death,"

Carla gasped in horror. "Sirius, he's your brother!"

Sirius gave her a hard stare. "Not by choice,"

An awkward silence filled the room until Dumbledore cleared his throat and broke it.

"I think Sirius presents a very reasonable idea,"

"What about Benjy sir?" I asked. "I want to make sure he's taken care of before we rush off,"

"Professor McGonagall is with Mr. Fenwick's family as we speak helping them through this difficult time, she will be here shortly to collect the…to return Mr Fenwick to his parents in preparation for the funeral,"

I nodded, as satisfied as I could be with the situation.

"Alright, well I think we should leave now," Sirius said. "Strike while the iron's hot,"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, I think so too. Now James-"

James cut through Dumbledore looking irritated. "Sir, if you're about to tell me I can't come after everything that's happened tonight then I am going to be dangerously close to a tantrum,"

Dumbledore gave James an indulgent smile. "Then it is very fortunate indeed that I wasn't planning on telling you that at all. I believe we can use all the help we can get and although I would feel more comfortable with you taking time to heal we are past the luxury of comfort. You will go with Lily, Sirius and Remus to question Regulus, _you will not harm him_," he said firmly as he looked at Sirius before continuing. "Alastor and myself will be there for protection and remain outside projecting a shield from any unwanted visitors to ensure there is no more accidents today,"

"Alright, well do you know where Regulus is?" Remus asked.

Sirius grinned and pulled a locket out of his pocket and tossed it to me. It was silver and had an unusual glow about it; something definitely magical.

"You're going to lure him with something shiney?" I asked wryly.

"Open it," Sirius urged.

I clicked the latch on the side of the locket, causing the front of the locket to pop forward, I moved the top of the locket to the side and stared inside; there was a tiny vile of blood and a roughly cut patch of hair.

"You carry that around with you?" Carla asked as she peeked over my shoulder. "Gross."

"No, he's a genius," Remus replied. "That's Regulus's blood and hair isn't it?"

Sirius nodded.

"That means you can track him anywhere he is, no amount of shielding can stop a blood bind right Professor?"

Dumbledore nodded, looking at Sirius in awe. "It seems Mr Black has got a few tricks up his sleeve still, well done Sirius, that's brilliant work,"

Sirius bowed slightly, looking pleased with himself. "Shall we go then? You going to come babe?"

Carla shook her head. "I'll wait here for Professor McGonagall, you go do your thing and I'll see you when you get home _safely_."

Sirius pulled Carla in close and pecked her on the lips swiftly. "Like anything could keep me from coming back to you! Lock the doors as soon as we leave ok and let no one in but McGonagall,"

"Ok, I will," Carla promised before moving over to give me a brief hug.

"Ready then?" Moody asked gruffly, his whole body wired with tension that spread through out the room.

"Yes, I think so. May I?" Dumbledore held his hand out and I immediately placed the locket into his palm. "Thank you Lily, everyone take hold of each other and brace yourself, we don't know what we're walking into,"

I took hold of James and Remus and with a deep breath braced myself for what was to come next, preparing myself emotionally for the next horror I would no doubt have to face.

It seemed to take forever for us to get anywhere, like we were standing still and time didn't pass. Maybe it was just my anxiety and paranoia kicking in. Funny, I never used to be like this. I used to be so positive, fierce, naïve, innocent, I used to be a lot of things.

"Evans, look alive, we're here,"

I shook myself out of the dark thoughts and pulled my wand out, using my instinct to check for any trouble there might be.

"Where are we?" Remus asked. "This doesn't look like a hide out,"

I had to agree with him, we were standing in a beautifully furnished garden, with a small fountain with a flamingo bathing in it, ahead of us was creamy mini mansion with a black roof and perfectly manicured trees around it, the only thing off about it was the steel shutters I could see over the windows and the cameras pointing in every direction of the yard.

"This is my families holiday house," Sirius said coldly. "Looks like mummy's favourite boy got it for Christmas, do you think our surprise visit is blown?"

"Only one way to make sure," James replied as he moved towards the front door.

"I'll take the other side," Moody said in his gravelly tone. "Try not to get yourselves killed,"

I blinked at him, trying to decide whether that was a poor joke or not.

"He likes you," Dumbledore mused. "He's not usually so sensitive towards people,"

Remus, Sirius and I stared at Dumbledore incredulously before realising James was at the door, and rushed after him.

We caught up just as James kicked the door down.

"Well if he didn't know we were here before, he does now," Remus muttered.

James shrugged. "I've always wanted to do that, hurts way more than I thought though,"

I rolled my eyes. "We can discuss your ever expanding Hero complex when we get home safe, let's just do this,"

James nodded and slightly limped forward. "Where is he likely to be?"

"Right here,"

We all whipped around to find Regulus wand raised behind us.

Sirius burst out laughing. "Are you serious? Is this meant to intimidate us? Put the wand down little brother, we're not here to fight you,"

"Oh yeah?" Regulus shot back, and he seriously didn't look any older than maybe thirteen.

Sirius moved faster than I had even thought possible and went from standing next to us to being behind Regulus with his wand pointed at his neck.

"Yeah, now how about you put the wand down?"

Regulus dropped his wand immediately and James moved over to retrieve it, handing it to Sirius and glaring at Regulus.

"Let's go have a chat Regulus,"

Regulus sneered at James but allowed Sirius to lead him through the big entrance and into a large room filled with lines and lines of book cases filled with dusty books.

"You have your own library?" I asked in awe.

"Evans, stay focused," Sirius said in a warning tone and I quickly nodded.

Sirius shoved Regulus into a chair and kept his wand pointed at him.

"Ok Reg, you know why we're here, where are Alice and Frank Longbottom?"

Regulus stared Sirius down and said nothing.

"Are you deaf?" Sirius asked quietly, twirling his wand around his fingers.

"Can I have a drink please?" Regulus asked in a bored tone.

Sirius grabbed Regulus's chair and lifted it up before slamming it back on the ground.

"I am asking the questions, _I_ am the one in control here, _you_ are going to do as you're asked, you're going to answer everything and you're going to cut the crap,"

Regulus just stared at Sirius. "I don't know,"

"Bull shit! Where are they Regulus?"

"I don't know where they are!" Regulus screamed back.

"Why are you doing this! Do you want to be a murdered? Do you?"

Regulus began shaking. "I don't have what you're looking for Sirius,"

"Yes you do! It's not a fucking hard question, I just need you to tell me where they are!"

Regulus just shook his head before turning his face away from Sirius.

"Please Regulus, _please_, I just want to know where they are, I don't want to fight with you, I just want my friends back, please don't make me lose anyone else, please! Here, you can have you wand back, I'm not going to hurt you, I don't want to fight you, I just want one question answered,"

Regulus, still faced away from Sirius kept shaking his head, his wand untouched in his lap where Sirius had placed it. "I don't know, I don't know,"

"Do you hate me this much?" Sirius asked quietly. "That you would see me destroyed, that you would bite your tongue for the first time in your life so my friends could die!"

Regulus was still shaking, his eyes looked crazed and frantic as he rocked backwards and forwards. "You don't understand,"

"_HELP ME UNDERSTAND THEN!" _Sirius boomed.

Regulus looked up, eyes terrified. "I can't tell you ok? It's not that I don't want to…I just can't. This…none of this is what I wanted,"

Sirius punched him hard in the face. "You make me sick. What did you think it would be? You'd kill the muggles, have some fun, be an awesome pure blood and rule the world and no one you knew or cared about would get hurt? Merlin, and people think _you're_ the smart brother. One day Regulus, I'm going to dance on your grave,"

Regulus stared up at his big brother with broken eyes. "I'm so sorry," then he apparated leaving us all alone in the huge room, with still no clue or leads to Alice and Frank.

*

James and I sat on his bed in Sirius's house playing chest some time after we'd arrived home. The desperation in the house was so thick it was suffocating. Dumbledore, Moody and McGonagall had gone to brain storm with some other older Order members, finding the safest and most plausible rescue idea to use. Remus had gone to see Violet, not being able to stand staying in the house and Sirius had drowned himself in every form of alcohol he could get his hands on and locked himself in his room; I could still hear Carla pleading tearfully for him to open the door.

It had been James idea to play chess so we could concentrate on something other than reality, but I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't get into the game, in fact I couldn't really feel much. Except the cold.

This numbness had spread through my body, the cold chilling every part of me, I half expected my breath to come out in visible wispy clouds every time I spoke.

It hit me that I had felt this way for awhile now, that I couldn't even really remember what warmth felt like, that maybe all I was capable of was the iciness, perhaps I was doomed to an existence of freezing depths. Was this what my life was going to be forever?

"Lily, it's your move," James said gently.

I looked down at the chessboard in a daze, not really even paying attention to where James had moved.

"Lily?"

He touched my hand softly and a burst of heat hit where he touched and I gasped. Resenting him for taking his hand off me. Without another thought I swept the chessboard off the bed and practically jumped James, pressing my lips against his as I straddled his hips. James tried to pull away but I pressed myself closer to him, locking my hands around his wrists and pinning them down with all my strength as I forced his mouth open so I could move my tongue against his whilst I grinded myself closer to his hips.

James moaned deep in his throat and effortlessly moved himself from my grip, only to wrap his arms around my waist, moving his hands up my shirt, unhooking my bra as he went.

Yes, this was it, this was what I needed.

Hooking his legs around my hips James rolled me over so he was on top of me, moving away from my lips so he could kiss my neck, gently suckling on it as one hand moved up my shirt and under my bra to massage my boob gently.

God, I totally got why Sirius had moved through so many girls now, if every experience was like this; why would anyone ever want to stop?

Biting down on my lip as warmth spread through my body slowly, molten rock melting away after being frozen. Latching onto James' back I pulled him closer, then practically tore his shirt off as I wrapped my legs around his hips and moved myself up against him.

This was it, I was going to have sex, Lily Evans was going to finally give up her V plates. God I hoped I did it right.

James pulled away from me suddenly and the cold slammed back into my body painfully. As I reached for him again he stared down at me with concern in his eyes. "Lily, are you sure you want to do this? I don't want you to regret this in the morning, why don't we just go to sleep? It's been a long week, maybe we're not thinking properly."

I placed my hand down his chest until I reached the hard length between us.

"I just want to feel something other than the cold, do you feel it too? The cold? It's everywhere, it's in my veins, my breath, my skin, it is everywhere I look. Please, I just want to be warm."

James looked ready to bolt so I placed my other hand on his cheek and smiled at him as best as I could.

"I love you James Potter, you're the only thing that melts the ice around my heart, I want this to be with you, it _has_ to be with you, if that's not a good enough reason, than I don't know what else to say,"

James looked at me with burning passion in his eyes mixed with a lot of conflict.

I pulled his head down to my lips. "Your move James,"


	48. Chapter 48

Hey everyone,

I know it's been forever since I posted. So sorry. My bf took me away for a romantic holiday and then i've had intense writers block so this is my least fav chapter yet, took forever to write, but you seem to like the ones i hate so fingers crossed this was worth the wait. Just a warning it's filled with a million mistakes probably, i didn't edit because it frustrated me so much, SORRY!

How was halloween for everyone? Hoping all is well, sending my love as usual.

The most amazing people ever; jaz09, chloe's fire, RoxyBabyX, E.B., KatieMAGICLove, FaithfulHPReader, missgeorgeweasley, Toylet, Lulu Babes, -Scp-, shroomy-eyes, supacrazyhazey, Renesmeeisme, Merope Firpo, hello-goodbye146, XxIloveHarryPotterxX, SecretlyAGryffindor, bunnyhog, ravenclawLupin11, TmoVie, bookworm1545, hptwilightlvr, XXJAMESLILYXX, Liisupzz, The DA is dressed to the nines.

A MILLION TIMES THANK YOU! Cuddles for all. xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

Oh shit. Lily Evans wanted me. Lily Evans was lying under me right at this second, looking up at me with her wide, green eyes, stiffening every part of my body. What would she feel like? God, her skin was so soft, so supple, I wanted to kiss every inch of it.

No James, shut up and focus, keep it in your pants and direct the blood somewhere else for a second ok?

This is _Lily Evans_, not one of Sirius's loose women with loose morals, she deserved better, she deserved to have her body worshipped, treated with reverence, and she deserved a beautiful first time, something special, not desperately clutching at anything to keep her from floating away.

"James?" she prodded.

I sighed. I was going to regret this, I knew it. "Evans…Lily, I just don't think now is the time, and it's not because I don't want you, believe me it's not that, you have starred in my hottest fantasies for years now, I can't even spell half of the things I want to do to you-"

Lily smiled slyly. "Well, the last part is sounding good,"

I placed my hand over her lips to silence her. "I'm trying to tell you that I think you deserve better than right now, this moment, hell you deserve better than pretty much everything you have right now, I can't make everything perfect, but this, this I have control over,"

Lily sighed and looked up at me with tired eyes. "Potter, we don't live in a fairy tale, nothing is perfect, the world isn't some bubble of happiness sunshine and rainbows, and this, with you, will be the most beautiful experience ever because you're giving me a part of you no one else will ever have,"

I was split in two, between doing the right thing and doing what would feel so freaking right. I looked down and Lily grinned up at me, slowly riding her shirt up higher and higher, exposing more soft, milky skin with each pull. I felt myself grow hotter and harder as my eyes took in ever inch of her, watching her move her shirt higher and higher until she pulled it over her head and I was staring at her pink bra, her breasts perky and erect.

God, could anything be hotter? With shaking hands, I clasped her breasts in my palms, massaging them slowly, loving that Lily arched her back to press herself closer into my palm. Common sense began to fade away as my whole focus was on Lily, making her feel good, giving her everything I could, why was even arguing before?

"Sirius please open the door! Just let me in, tell me how I can help you!"

Well, that was a sure way to kill the mood.

Carla's pleas cut through the smog of lust clouding my brain and I moved back a little further.

"Evans, I'm sorry, I just think-"

Lily smiled up at me, pressing her fingers to my lips. "You think too much,"

Before I could reply Lily pressed her lips to mine and with one swift motion unclipped and pulled out my belt, ending any argument I may have and any conversation.

With gentle hands I cupped her cheek and hip, holding her steady, scared that at any moment she might leave me, disappear, just become some beautiful dream.

As if sensing my thoughts Lily smiled up at me and pressed my hand against her chest; where her heart was beating, her little way of saying she was here, she was real and she was mine.

It was all I needed.

My lips pressed against her soft ones and as I stroked her face I massaged my tongue against hers, letting the fire build between us, until I thought we may catch on fire ourselves and burn the room down.

My lips travelled from Lily's lips to her neck and then down past her collar bone to her breasts, Lily gasped aloud and her hands clenched fists of my hair as her legs locked around my waist and her back arched. The pressure of her hips against mine had my biting down my own moan as heat burst from between my legs.

While I busied myself with Lily's chest, Lily moved her hands down to start unbuttoning my jeans, using exceptional skill to shimmy them down my thighs, while moving her own pants down inch by inch.

Within moments both our pants had been thrown onto the floor and we lay, a tangle of limbs and bodies, rolling around on the bed, feeling our way to the next move.

"James," Lily panted as her hands timidly moved beneath my boxers.

"Uh…yeah?" I replied, eyes closed in anticipation.

"Do you uh…you know…have something?"

I froze, catching onto her meaning. "Oh! Well…I uh…this wasn't what I…I mean I didn't really plan…"

"So that's a no?" Lily asked, cutting me off.

I felt my cheeks go red. What kind of an idiot doesn't prepare for this kind of stuff? I mean I thought about sex at least fifteen times a day, why hadn't I at least kept one condom even if it was just for a pipe dream?

"I'm sorry," I murmured, hanging my head.

"Sirius decorated your room for you right?"

My head snapped up. What the? "Uh…yeah, I guess he did,"

Lily smiled and gently pushed me off her and then turned away towards the bed side table.

Great, I'd completely screwed it up, she was just going to go to sleep now and no doubt tell this humiliating story to all her friends.

After a few seconds I was weighing whether I should try to cuddle her or something when Lily turned back around, condom in her hand and triumphant smile on her face.

My mouth dropped. "What? Where did you get that from?"

Lily handed me the condom, her hair swaying to cover her chest. So. Damn. Sexy.

"Sirius. I knew he would have your back and fully stock your room, he may be known as a man whore, but he's a safe man whore,"

"I could kiss him!" I exclaimed.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Just what every girl wants to hear before sex, take me now James!"

I smiled sheepishly. "Sorry love, we have kinda put the mood on halt haven't we?"

Lily moved slyly forward, crawling toward me until she was straddling my hips. "Hmm…might have to do something about that then huh?"

Dear god YES!

Within minutes we were both completely naked, lying on our sides, legs wrapped around each other as we kissed tenderly.

"I love you Lily Evans,"

Lily smiled up at me as her nails raked down my chest. "I love you too James Potter,"

I took a deep breath and rolled onto of her, pushing her legs apart with my knees and then pausing. "Are you sure about this? I mean, you can say no if you want, it's still not too late,"

Lily giggled and rolled her eyes. "Potter, quit acting like a coy school girl and take control, would I be lying here completely naked if I wasn't sure?"

I took that as a yes and moved forward to kiss her gently, this wasn't the best circumstances, this wasn't how I had dreamed it would be but even so, I wanted to make this special for Lily, I wanted to worship her body the way she deserved.

Once I felt both of our heat smouldering I surged forward gently, moving myself inside her. Lily gasped out loud and as I rushed to pull back and then beg for forgiveness she held me fast so I couldn't.

"No, it's ok," she murmured, "Just give me a minute to adjust,"

I looked down at Lily, who's face was screwed up in concentration, slowly, the lines smoothed out and she smiled up at me. "Sorry, we're good,"

I held my breath as I moved slowly forward again and found myself on the verge of exploding already, which even in my inexperience, I knew wasn't good.

"Am I doing something wrong?" Lily asked.

I shook my head vigorously. "You kill me," I told her simply. "Only you could ever make me feel like this,"

Lily smiled in delight and then moved her hips upwards, sending my eyes rolling back. "I'm no expert, but I feel like we're doing a lot of talking,"

Biting down hard on my lip, I got myself into a slow steady rhythm, watching Lily's face intently to gauge how much pain she was in, surprisingly after a while her face smoothed out and small moans escaped her mouth as she wrapped her legs around my hips and roughly pulled my face towards hers, feverishly locking onto my lips.

Who knew anything could feel this good? Could feel so right? I was turning into a chick as I said this but I truly felt like this could only ever feel this special and amazing with Lily.

"James," Lily murmured as she gyrated her hips up against mine.

"Mmm?"

"Am I doing this right?,"

"I don't think it's possible for you to go wrong," I replied, kissing her gently.

The heat burned to an uncontrollable level as our hips slapped faster and harder against each other, limbs entwined with limbs, nails scratched skin, hands searched for flesh to keep hold of, lips bit down hard to stifle moans, passion fueling every action until finally I got a taste of heaven when I felt myself climax, my whole body consumed completely by utter bliss, even better looking down and seeing Lily enjoying the same.

LILY

So this was sex, this was what making love felt like. I stared up at James who was looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world and I smiled up at him, just as he rolled off me and lay panting by my side.

My body ached but it was a good ache, I was sure I'd have a funny walk if I tried to move now, but it was definitely worth it. What a beautiful ending to a horrible night. It wasn't exactly how girls dream their first time would go, we didn't have candles, we didn't have rose petals, but we had love and really, how lucky were we to have found that so young?

"Wow," James finally said.

I smiled at him and nodded. "I know, I'll never criticize Sirius or Carla again,"

"It does all make sense now," James responded. "But I don't think I could ever feel this with anyone else, maybe that's why Sirius went through so many girls, he was trying to find this feeling,"

I giggled softly. "Or maybe he was getting experience for when he did find the one?"

James smirked. "Up until this year I don't think Sirius even knew there was a "one" out there,"

I let the silence creep between us and heard Carla's soft sobs, obviously Sirius had still not let her in the room. God, was it awful that tonight was the best I've ever felt in so long while my best friends were breaking apart at the seams?

"Stop," James whispered.

"Stop what?" I asked.

"Whatever it is that's making you not smile,"

I sighed and cuddled closer, resting my head on James chest. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a buzz kill, I wish I could just stay in this moment forever and look up at these pretty fake stars with you,"

"But?" James prodded.

"But sooner or later the sun is going to rise and the stars are going to fade," I replied.

James stroked my hair gently. "Well, I think I might go and take a shower and then maybe set up camp on the couch, so if you and Carla wanted to stay up and talk it all out here, I won't be in your way,"

I turned my face up to kiss James, cupping his cheek with my palm. "You're the best boyfriend ever,"

James smirked. "You're just trying to seduce me again,"

I rolled my eyes and moved off the bed, dragging the sheet with me so that James was exposed on the bed. My eyes travelled over his sculptured body and I got a kick of satisfaction knowing that he was mine,

"Miss Evans, are you checking me out?" He asked in mock indignance.

I shrugged. "Might be,"

James stretched out so his ab muscles tensed even further. "Well, that's alright then, just as long as we're on the same page,"

I scoffed at him as I quickly dressed myself in one of his long shirts and a pair of my shorts and headed out of the room, wand tucked into my bra.

I found Carla lying by the door of her and Sirius's bedroom, weakly tapping on the door, her knuckled looking slightly swollen.

"Hey," I said softly, kneeling down beside her. "Are you ok?"

Carla looked up at me, her make up down her face in thick black smudges, eyes red and raw. "He won't let me in, I just want to help and he won't let me in,"

I nodded and took her arm gently, pulling her to her feet. "I know, it's been a tough year, Sirius is just having a little melt down, he's going to be ok,"

Carla didn't respond, just continued to cry as she let me lead her away to the couch, where she curled herself into a ball and remained that way, unmoving.

There was no words I could say to comfort her, nothing I could do to help, this was a pain only Sirius could ease, so I figured I should probably try my luck at getting through to him.

"How's she doing?" James asked as he crept into the room, wet from the shower still.

I sighed. "I don't think she even realises I'm here,"

James nodded and left the room suddenly, only to return minutes later with an old looking folder.

Sitting himself directly in front of Carla, James flipped open the first page to reveal photo's of a baby with a cheeky smile and grey eyes.

"I stole this from Padfoot's house once," he told Carla, who was looking at the book with interest. "It's him from a baby until about five years old, if we get through this one I have some more if you want? I don't want to give too much away because you need to see it for yourself, but I'll say three words; naked, crown, and peacock,"

Carla raised an eyebrow and then slowly uncurled and positioned herself in a sitting position. "I hope you have the pictures to back it up,"

James grinned broadly. "Oh sweet girl, you have _no_ idea,"

"Alright, show me,"

I stared at James incredulously, he was a miracle worker; always knowing the best way to help everyone individually. With a brief smile at two of my favourite people in the whole world I crept towards Sirius's door.

I didn't even bother to knock gently I just pounded on the door.

"Carla I said I needed to be alone!"

"It's not Carla Sirius, it's Lily."

"Go away Evans,"

I gritted my teeth. "That's not going to happen. Now, you can either open the door, or I'm going to blast the door to pieces and if you happen to get any wood impaled in your body, bonus for me. I'm going to give you until the count of three…"

"One…" I heard no movement. "Two…alright, you've left me no choice…"

With a sharp jab and whispered curse the door blew apart off it's hinges revealing a shocked Sirius sprawled on the floor, several empty alcohol bottles scattered around him.

"You crazy bitch, you didn't even give me until three!"

I stepped over the broken pieces of wood, pointing my wand at his throat and smiled. "I got impatient,"

"Well? What do you want?" he demanded, eyes void of emotion. "Are you here to blame me? To take a chunk out of my ego? Go ahead Evans, do your worst."

I stared at Sirius hard, seeing through his macho act and figuring out what it really was he needed, after a moment I tucked my wand away and offered him my hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked, puzzled.

"Giving you a hand," I replied. "This is the part where you let me help you up,"

Hesitantly he took my hand and with a grunt I yanked him to his feet.

"What is it you came here for Evans?" he asked. "I just want to be alone."

"That's not what you want," I told him bluntly.

"Oh yeah? Tell me what I want then Evans, let's hear Dr. Lily's diagnosis,"

"Forgiveness," I retorted loudly.

Sirius stumbled backwards, falling onto the bed and stared at me. "W-what? You're crazy."

I moved forward and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, like a mother would a son. "Sirius, I know it's easier to shut everyone out, to try and deal with everything alone, but that's not going to help the situation, you or anyone else. What happened to Frank and Alice isn't your fault ok? Stop trying to punish yourself for what you had no control over, we're not going to cast you out just because your brother made the wrong choice. Let us in ok? We're all in this together,"

Sirius clung to me, almost cutting off my air supply as he sobbed quietly. "What if they die?"

"They won't," I told him fiercely. "Now is not the time,"

"How do you know?"

I smiled and pulled back enough to look him in the eyes. "Because I said so, Alice is going to be a bride's maid and there is no way in hell I'm letting anything get in the way of that,"

Sirius cracked a small smile. "If anyone was stubborn enough to try and fight fate Evans, it would be you,"

I nodded firmly and ruffled his hair. "Damn straight,"

Sirius hung his head. "So...Carla hates me huh?"

I whacked his shoulder. "No you idiot, Carla _loves_ you, i doubt she'd amost break her knuckles trying to knock the door down to help you if she hated you,"

"How much grovelling am I in for?"

I pretended to ponder the question. "Hmm… at least three break fasts in bed, four romantic dinners and two hours of sexiness,"

Sirius nodded solemnly. "I can do that, maybe if she's a good girl I'll even up it to three hours,"

I tweaked Sirius's nose. "Good boy, come on, let's go see if they've found your naked photo's yet,"

Sirius paled. "He didn't…"

I shrugged. "You wouldn't open the door, he had no choice,"

"JAMES POTTER!" Sirius boomed as he sprinted out the door.

Giggling, I followed behind.

We found James and Carla in the same way I'd left them, but the album lay discarded by the side of the couch, instead they both had their heads together looking over a piece of paper.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Without a word James passed me the note.

"An owl came and dropped this off," Carla explained. "It wasn't addressed to anyone,"

I looked down at the piece of paper and my mouth dropped.

_Longbottoms are being held in the dungeon of Borgin & Burkes. _

"Oh my god," Sirius gasped. "Who sent this?"

"Who cares?" James replied. "We know where they are being kept, it shouldn't be too hard to get them, they won't have too much security during office hours because no one would suspect we'd go looking. This is perfect, I'll send word to Dumbledore now!"

I nodded numbly and fell down onto the couch, clutching the letter tightly.

"Are you ok?" Carla asked.

I nodded and stared at the small cramped writing I would recognise anywhere, the writing of Severus Snape.


	49. Chapter 49

Hey beautiful people :)

Another update for you. Still struggling along, feeling better about this one though.

As always this story would never get written if it weren't for these amazing people; FaithfulHPReader, JacobsImprintGirl, crazycat999, supacrazyhazey, Toylet, E.B., KatieMAGICLove, -Scp-, Renesmeeisme, RoxyBabyX, LiLoveheart, Merope Firpo, SecretlyAGryffindor, hello-goodbye146, xheheitssamx, ravenclawLupin11, Jaz09, shroomy-eyes, TheHypocrite, bunnyhog, TmoVie, bookworm1545, The DA is dressed to the nines, hptwilightlvr, XXJAMESLILYXX.

Thank you, really. For taking time to read my little story. It means alot. _**You**_ all mean alot to me.

Love your way xxxx

* * *

JAMES

Finally! Things were looking up. It was about time something went right, I mean god, hadn't we gone through enough? Hadn't we given enough to this cause already?

Hope burst through my chest as the image of Frank and Alice safe and sitting in the lounge room with us, laughing over Sirius's baby photo's vividly consumed my vision.

I looked over and saw similar expressions on Carla's and Sirius's face…Lily on the other hand was sitting on the couch, hand clenched around the note, a torn expression on her face.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Sirius asked, coming to life again. "Let's go now!"

"Honey, we can't go now," Carla told him in a reasonable voice. "It's still night time and we have no back up, we're better off telling the order about it, coming up with a tight plan and then tomorrow morning first thing bringing our friends back home,"

Sirius grinned and pulled Carla in for a kiss. "You're so sexy when you're smart,"

I rolled my eyes and moved towards Lily. "What's up? This is meant to be a happy moment,"

Lily nodded, and kept her eyes away from me as she stared intently on the messy writing.

"You alright there Evans?" Sirius called, Carla now draped over his shoulder. "Can we get you something?"

"Severus," Lily croaked.

Sirius' hold on Carla went slack and she fell to the floor with a loud thud. "Shit babe sorry!"

After helping a glaring Carla to her feet Sirius turned to Lily. "I don't know how to tell you this Evans, but that's not exactly something we can just pick up at Diagon Alley, maybe there's something else _that's reasonable_ we can get you?"

Lily shook her hand with the note vigorously at Sirius. "No. Severus wrote this, he sent the note,"

Sirius froze and a mix of emotions crossed his face from shock, confusion, anger, fear and then finally his face composed to carefree.

"So?"

"So it's a trap," Carla finished slightly panicky.

"Then we bring extra wands and leave some bodies behind in return for the ones we're taking," Sirius responded fiercely.

"_No_," Lily said firmly. "I don't think it is a trap,"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Evans don't be so naïve, just because Snivellous has wanted to get his greasy paws under your robes for some time now doesn't mean he's going to give up everything he's succumbed to just to get some freaking brownie points from you,"

"You're not getting it Sirius, it's not a trap, he's risking himself by sending that note and he didn't sign it, he didn't address it to anyone and look how rushed it is, I think he feels remorse and he's trying to kinda redeem himself,"

Sirius snorted. "Evans, if the slimey git wanted redemption why doesn't he just quit?"

"Why doesn't Regulus?" Lily snapped back and Sirius's fists clenched. "We both know it doesn't work like that,"

"That's different,"

"Bullshit! Fact is they are both neck high in dark and dangerous things and neither can get out but it doesn't mean they're completely evil,"

Sirius lips moved into a snarl. "I've yet to see proof that your evil boyfriend has a good side,"

Now Lily's fists clenched so I moved forward to stand between them quickly. "Whoa, whoa let's just calm down here ok? I agree with both of you, it _does_ sound like a trap but I don't think he'd send Lily to her death, he might stand by and watch harm come to her, but he wouldn't deliberately put her in harms way. Now it's been a long night, let's all get some sleep and see how we all feel tomorrow ok?"

Sirius and Lily remained in their stand off positions, not even looking like they'd heard me.

"Carla, could you send an owl to Dumbledore please and get Sirius off to bed?"

Carla smiled at me, blew Lily a kiss and took Sirius's arm. "Come on, let's get to bed ok? You still have some grovelling to do,"

"Good luck doing it with the damn door blasted off," Sirius grumbled.

"Since when has that ever stopped you from trying anything?" Carla replied as she dragged Sirius away leaving me alone with Lily.

Lily looked up at me defiantly, daring me to pick a fight with her, to take Sirius's side.

"So, bed time?" I asked instead.

Lily raised both eyebrows. "That's it? No lecture?"

I took her soft hands in mine and kissed them softly. "I just want to go to sleep Evans and wake up with you still there, do you think we can do that without an argument?"

Lily's face softened and she squeezed my hands before letting me pull her to her feet. "Yeah, we can definitely do that. I could use a good night's sleep. Come on,"

We both stripped into our pyjama's; me just shorts, Lily in a nighty and crawled into bed. It hadn't really hit me until now just how exhausted I was, emotionally and physically. I felt drained and weak and yet weirdly on some level content as I lay down with Lily snuggled into my chest.

Out of no where Lily started giggling.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

Lily traced lines on my chest. "I was just thinking about when I first met you and I swore I would rather die than let you touch me, and here I am, just having handed you my virginity. Did you ever think this could happen?"

I smirked. "Evans, every time you smacked me I got a hard on, I _dreamed_ about this day, I always thought we had great chemistry but I thought you'd be too stubborn to admit your feelings,"

Lily sighed. "I very nearly was."

I chuckled. "So much for waiting for marriage, at least we made it til we got engaged,"

Lily sat up on one elbow and stared at me. "Potter, when have I ever said anything about waiting for marriage?"

I felt myself blush slightly. "No, I meant me,"

Lily stared at me in confusion before bursting into laughter.

"Great Evans, laughter is exactly what I needed to boost my masculinity,"

Lily smiled and pecked me on the cheek. "I'm sorry Potter, it's just…isn't this meant to be a conversation in reverse?"

My blush was only getting worse. Great, she thought I was the chick in the relationship.

"I love that you're so open and sensitive," Lily whispered as she settled back down on my chest. "It matches me perfect. I feel bad that I'm not as open and affectionate as you,"

I pressed my lips to her forehead. "I wouldn't change a thing about you,"

I felt Lily grin into my chest. "That's because you're booty blinded,"

I ruffled her hair affectionately. "Shush you,"

Lily giggle and moved closer, so she was lying half on top of me. "Things aren't going to be awkward in the morning right?"

"You're the guy in this situation remember? You tell me. Am I going to wake up to find you gone with a note on the mirror giving me my rating?"

Lily burst out laughing and whacked my chest gently. "I don't even want to know where you got that little scenario from, or how many times Sirius pulled it. So, let's just get some sleep and hopefully I can try and burn the disturbing image from my mind. Sweet dreams,"

"Sweet dreams, beautiful," I settled Lily in my arms more comfortably and closed my eyes a huge smile on my face. Yep, life had to definitely start looking up.

*

"I just don't understand," Sirius burst out.

I sighed again deeply. "Sirius the plan is pretty simple, Dumbledore, Moody and McGonagall are going to cause a distraction in the front to keep Borgin busy, then we're going to slip through to the back and get Alice and Frank and apparate back here before we can get ourselves into anymore trouble,"

Sirius waved my explanation away. "I'm not a dullard Prongs I got the plan, I just don't understand how you finally became a man and didn't even rush to tell me! I mean…you've had sex…with Evans, Lily Evans had sex with you!"

I sighed and rubbed my temple, feeling a migraine coming along. "Sirius you were having a melt down, Evans had to blast the door off it's hinges,"

"Yeah but Prongs all you had to do was call out to me that you'd finally done the deed and I would have saved myself the hassle of getting a new door!"

I pursed my lips, trying to find the patience to deal with my best friends typical behaviour.

"Sirius, we had sex, it was painful, beautiful, amazing and perfect. Neither of us were drunk, James didn't have to beg me or drug me, is that good enough? Or would you rather let our friends die while we discuss mine and James' sex life?" Lily said crisply.

Sirius's eyes popped wide and his mouth opened and closed several times, apparently unable to find his voice. I took this as my cue.

"Awesome, now that's settled let's get going, Dumbledore is going to wonder what the hell is taking us so long,"

LILY

"Lovely day for a rescue isn't it?"

I smiled up at Dumbledore as Mr. Moody audibly scoffed in disbelief then muttered something about ridiculous optimism. In all fairness it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and there were minimal clouds. It had to be a good sign, I just knew it. This was going to be the day we all got back safe and alive.

"It's a beautiful day sir," I finally replied.

"Don't encourage him" Moody muttered as he brushed past me to glare down the eerier street of Knockturn Alley.

"So, we're all clear then?" Moody grunted, back still turned to us.

"Get Alice and Frank and don't die? Yeah, we're clear," James replied, with a little grin.

Moody turned to glare right into James' face. "Do that while being silent and I'll be impressed,"

"Prongs doesn't need to impress you mate, he's not trying to get in your robes," Sirius said with a wink, as Moody turned purple.

"Dumbledore! Didn't I tell you these amateurs have no idea how to take anything seriously? You really want to be two lives in their hands?"

Dumbledore looked pensive for a moment before smiling finally. "Alastor, these are their nearest and dearest, if anyone is going to be meticulous about their safety it would be them, have a little faith,"

"I don't believe in faith," Moody grunted. "I believe in intelligence, vigilance and discipline, these are the things that make rescue missions successful,"

Sirius opened his mouth to reply but I covered it with my palm. "That's why you're the best sir. Shall we go and get our friends back now?"

Moody grunted again and strode towards the dark alley that had an ominous feel to it. Dumbledore followed his lead, whistling a cheerful tune as he went; we waited for them to move a safe distance in front of us before James whipped out his invisibility cloak and covered me and himself whilst Sirius transformed into his massive dog and trotted along with a bounce in his step.

"How are you feeling?" James whispered as we walked briskly to catch up.

"Anxious," I replied.

Gentle hands smoothed up and down my back, and I felt my body relax automatically to the touch.

"It's going to be fine," James told me.

"You sound so sure,"

"I do don't I? Hmm… guess it means it has to be true then. Come on we're going to miss the action if we dawdle."

We hurriedly caught up with everyone; and swiftly moved with Dumbledore, Moody, McGonagall and Sirius in the dark doors that lead into Borgin and Burkes.

"Ah Professor Dumbledore," began a slimey voice. "Are you lost?"

I didn't bother looking to see where the voice was, I just continued on the path with James to move towards the dungeon.

"No, nom not at all, I just thought I would have a look around, see if there's anything appealing for me,"

"There isn't," the voice replied flatly.

"Well, if it's all the same I think I'll just have a little look around, my friends and I here are looking for gifts,"

"You won't find it here Dumbledore, in fact we're closed so you best leave…_and is that a dog? No animals!_"

"Move, move, move," I hissed at James as we travelled faster and faster down a pitch dark corridor, moving further away from the voices.

We kept moving swiftly until we found a set of stairs, lit by candle light, silhouettes jumping out, creating sinister looking shapes.

"I'm guessing the creepy stair case is the way," I sighed.

James chuckled softly. "No Evans, they're holding Frank and Alice in a field full of daisy's and sunshine,"

I elbowed James roughly then started towards the stairs. "Shut up idiot, let's get this over and done with,"

In silence we crept down the stairs which seemed endless, time seemed to bleed together until I was completely unsure how long we'd been travelling. I was ready to turn around and ask for directions when we reached the bottom of the stairs; the candles flickering around each corner. I looked around the room to find masses of junk strewn everywhere.

"They seriously need a new decorator," I muttered. "How are we meant to find Frank and Alice in this mess?"

"We can take you if you'd like,"

James and I both spun around to find Rodolphus, Severus, Fenrir and Regulus standing stiffly against a wall, Frank and Alice bound and gagged next to them.

The pain of betrayal slammed into my chest so hard as I stared at Severus that I actually stumbled backwards into James.

"Lily, it is _so_ lovely to see you," Fenrir said, picking at his teeth with his sharp nails, before turning to Severus. "Didn't I tell you she would come?"

Severus glared at me intensely, like he was actually mad at me, for freaking falling into his trap that he set.

"Severus here thought you'd be too smart to fall into the trap, that you would recognise his writing and know it was far too easy. We knew Potter couldn't let a chance to stroke his ego go by and I didn't think you'd let him go alone but Severus was adamant that you wouldn't be here and that we'd be lucky to nab Potter, that we could all have a piece of him. Now I suppose there is more to share."

Alice thrashed violently around in her bonds, working hard to work her gag off.

"Something to say Longbottom?" Rodolphus asked casually, yanking her gag down roughly.

"Let them go, take us, kill us, do whatever you want with us just let James and Lily go ok?"

Fenrir and Rodolphus started laughing.

"So quick to ask for death and to sentence your husband too? Tsk tsk, not very wife like,"

"Our destiny is joined," Alice replied stonily. "Whatever fate Frank and I have, it's together,"

Fenrir snarled in disgust. "How sweet I could throw up, don't worry young ones, you _will_ die, however, so will your friends,"

Barking was heard in the distance and every muscle in my body tensed, ready for the flight or fight that was about to take place.

"So quiet Potter," Rodolphus taunted. "Don't you want to offer your life for your lovers?"

"No," James said loudly and I felt my cheeks flush red. "I'm going to offer you our lives for yours. If you leave now, we'll spare your lives,"

This time all four death eaters began laughing, Severus only stopping abruptly when he caught my eye.

"Oh Potter, so arrogant as usual. You're on _our_ turf, just what exactly do you plan on using to defeat us?"

As if following on cue all four wands flew out of their hands and four bodies slammed against the wall and onto the floor.

"Hello boys," Dumbledore said tersely. "To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement,"

Fenrir let out a stream of curses until Moody lazily moved his wand and Fenrir's voice was abruptly cut off.

"Where the hell is Borgin?" Regulus asked, looking terrified.

"Taking a nap," Professor McGonagall replied coldly as she set Frank and Alice free.

"We're going to kill you," Fenrir screamed, his voice temporarily back. "I am going to rip you all limb from limb and suck the meat from your bones!"

Dumbledore looked at them all sadly and sighed. "Perhaps you should join him and take a nap yourselves,"

A moment later all four slumped unconscious where they lay on the floor.

"Is that it? Do you think they have back up?" Sirius asked, having turned back into his human form.

"Perhaps we should leave before we have a chance to find out," Professor McGonagall said, helping both Alice and Frank to their feet. "Can you both walk? We can't apparate until out of the dungeon, I can feel the spells in here preventing movement,"

Frank grunted and with a great effort lifted Alice into his arms, taking a few moments to adjust before replying.

"Let's get the hell out of here, my mum is going to kill me for being gone so long,"

We all chuckled softly, then one by one we filed up the stairs. I was the last to leave, moving closer to Severus, watching his peaceful sleeping form. He looked so innocent like this, so calm and at ease. I hadn't seen him this way for years, if ever.

My whole body was still in shock from the events, my heart still hurt from the betrayal. I took one last look at Severus's sleeping form and then swung my leg back to kick him hard in the shin.

"Idiot," I muttered before turning on my heel and exiting the room; I didn't turn back once.

*

"Wow, it's so good to have you back!" Carla gushed, hugging Alice for the twentieth time in twenty five minutes.

"Yeah, could you not hold so tight though?" Alice asked with a wince.

Carla immediately let go and smiled sheepishly.

"I still can't believe you didn't call me to come," Remus said sulkily.

"No time my man," Sirius replied. "Besides, we did just fine on our own, even with the whole thing being a trap and all,"

The sharp pain in my heart intensified again and I looked away ashamed. I was such an idiot for believing Severus would want to keep us all safe. Everything he did was for his own agenda. He really was dead to me.

"I'm really glad you guys are ok," James told Frankly, gently clasping his shoulder.

Frank smiled; cracking the dried blood on his face. "Like I was going to miss the big wedding, even if you hadn't come today we would have found a way out; nothing was going to keep us from you guys,"

Sirius grinned broadly. "Aww isn't that just the sweetest thing ever! Come here you big teddy bear!"

Frank's face contorted in pain as Sirius enveloped him in a big hug.

"Ow! Oh…ok…um…ouch…Sirius…mate…argh….let….go,"

Sirius let go quickly and raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry, sorry, I'm just really glad you're safe, we were all pretty worried about you, Evans had to blast down my door to get through to me."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright already, enough about the damn door, I'll get you a new one,"

Sirius smiled in triumph. "That's all I wanted to hear."

I turned to Alice and held her hand gently in mine. "So, what happened? What did they want with you?"

"Information," Alice replied. "Don't worry, we didn't tell them anything, no matter how hard they tried to find out,"

Alice broke off and shuddered; remembering the horrendous torture they'd no doubt endured.

"You were both so brave," James told her kindly. "Did you find anything out?"

"Not much, I'm afraid," Frank said, lowering his head in shame. "Bellatrix and Lestrange are engaged, Regulus has yet to consummate his place in the circle by killing a muggle and Fenrir has been given permission to maul as many muggles as he pleases as long as he cleans up after himself and no one is to be turned without permission,"

I gave Frank a gentle hug. "That's fantastic Frank, you have both done so well. All that really matters is that you're home and safe,"

Frank smiled gratefully. "Thanks Lily,"

"Did we miss anything while we were gone?" Alice asked.

"Lily and James had sex!" Sirius burst out, jumping up and down.

My cheeks flushed red and I covered my face with my hands.

"You _what_?" Violet and Alice asked at the same time.

"We had sex," I murmured through my hands.

All three girls shrieked in excitement and huddled all around me, their voices becoming incomprehensible as they all spoke at once.

"So, I guess the whole waiting for marriage thing didn't work out?" Frank asked James who just grinned in reply.

"Oh! That reminds me!" Carla burst out and ran from the room.

"When did this happen?" Violet asked.

"Last night, but can we schedule girl talk for another time?" I asked wearily. "Alice just got back and I think she may need to head to St. Mungo's for a check up,"

"Don't change the subject," Alice scolded.

"No Alice, I'm being serious, your head is still bleeding,"

Alice automatically touched her head and her hand came away red. "Damnit!"

Frank was next to her in a heart beat, lifting her into his arms. "I'm going to take her now, see what the damage is; we'll be in touch and see you guys soon,"

"Get yourself looked at while you're at it," I replied.

Frank nodded. "Will do. We'll see you guys later. And hey, thanks so much for coming to get us and risking yourselves again, it really means a lot."

"You'd do the same for us," Remus said, not one for great shows of emotion.

"How about you do me a favour and don't ever let me find out?"

Remus smiled slightly. "Deal,"

With a last nod Frank and Alice disappeared.

"Found it!" Carla came rushing back into the room and dumped a small box on my lap.

"What's this?" I asked, reaching into the box to pull some of the contents out.

"Just look!"

I pulled out a beautifully decorated and put together wedding invitation. The back ground was black with gold writing on the front, and gorgeous gold trimmings around the edging.

"Do you like it?" Carla asked anxiously.

"I love it!" I replied. "When did you do this?"

"Oh you know, I figured if I was going to be a coward and stay behind I'd better be productive,"

"You're not a coward," I replied quickly. "And these are beautiful, James what do you think?"

James walked over and stared down at our first invitation. "I think it looks perfect, and I know just who to give it to first; you coming?"

"Now?" I asked incredulously.

"I'm not getting any younger," James replied with a cheeky smile, plucking the invitation from my hand, whilst offering me his other hand.


	50. Chapter 50

Hey :D

Tried to update quicker this time, I'm working on hammering out as much as I can before the boy comes up for Christmas holidays and monopolizes all my time. Currently 2:30am so if it's dodgy, my sincerest apologies.

Hope everyone's getting their christmas shopping done, 26 days (australian time) to go woo!

To my faithful reviewers; RavenclawLupin11, Akt5us, KatieMAGICLove, -Scp-, Adorkably Adorkable, crazycat999, bookworm1545, hptwilightlvr, The DA is dressed to the nines, TmoVie, JacobsImprintGirl, Jaz09, LiLoveheart, shroomy-eyes.

Where would I be without you? Inspirationless that's for sure. Love you all. THANK YOU

xxx

* * *

JAMES

Lily looked up at me confused and beyond exhausted, probably wondering if I'd completely lost my mind.

"Sure James but…I mean now? We haven't even set a date, how are we meant to send out invites?"

"I just need two," I replied. "Trust me Evans, this is just about the thought, not so much the detail,"

Lily looked a little doubtful but she nodded anyway. "Ok, sure, anything for you,"

I beamed and leant in to cup her cheek in my hands and kissed her quickly on the lips, then turned to Carla. "Do you have two that are ready to go without putting you out?"

Carla smirked at me with a raised eyebrow; a typical Sirius move. "Potter please, I may not be a warrior like you but when I put my mind to something; I succeed and I succeed perfectly; I've got fifty done, all they need is the date."

I moved over and enveloped Carla in a hug, lifting her off the ground. "Oh you wonderful girl, you're definitely too good for Sirius,"

"Hey!" Sirius said indignantly, moving forward to possessively pull Carla away from me and into his arms.

Carla giggled. "Oh I'm aware of it, I'm not completely stupid,"

Sirius' eyes popped wide and Carla winked at him. "It's ok honey, I love you all the same,"

Sirius grinned in triumph. "You do huh? You think I'm amazing and can't live without me, isn't that right?"

Carla rolled her eyes and nudged me. "Take the invitations, Lily and get out of here, save yourself from the ego that's about to grow fifty sizes,"

I smiled at her warmly and moved over to take Lily's hand. "Ok, are we ready?"

Lily pulled two invitations out and then looked at me. "Yeah, I'm ready, but where exactly are we going?"

I smiled and gave her a wink as I pulled my wand out. "That's a surprise,"

"I hate surprises," Lily muttered as the scenery began to change.

Sirius's cluttered and bright living room disappeared and instead a shadowed, dark area swam before us, decorated with spots of bright coloured beauty.

"Here we go, right where we belong," I said softly, nodding at our surroundings.

Lily immediately let go of my hand, stumbled away, tripping on her own feet and falling to the ground.

"Whoa, careful there princess, I think we've both had enough injuries for this year,"

I bent over, offering my hand but Lily didn't take it, instead just glared up at me furiously.

"Is this some sort of a joke?"

I sighed; I knew she would react like this, I should have explained myself first, but I was banking on the hope that she would see through the craziness to my real motives. Should have stuck with my instinct, hope gets you no where.

"Evans, calm down ok? I swear there's a reason for this," I said slowly.

Lily pushed herself angrily to her feet and crossed her arms angrily. "Then I suggest you explain yourself, because I'm having a tough time figuring out why the hell you would take me to a cemetery after everything that's happened? Is this supposed to be romantic? Picking out matching lots together?"

I held my hands up in surrender, knowing better than to do anything to provoke the Evans temper any further, especially if I wanted kids later down the track.

"Love, I brought you here to give the invitation to your dad and then I want to give the other to my mum. I want them to feel like they're still included, you know, if they're looking down on us then they'll know that we're thinking of them still and we care, that we will never forget them,"

Lily stared at me incredulously. "You…what?"

I moved forward slowly, feeling like I was approaching a wild animal ready to attack. "I just thought it would be nice to include them you know? They should be here for this and they're not, so I figure this is as good as it gets,"

Lily's eyes filled with tears and she ran into my arms. "Oh James, you are quite possibly the most perfect man in the entire creation on man kind,"

I stroked her hair gently and smiled. "Remember that next time I piss you off ok?"

Lily chuckled softly and wiped a tear that was moving it's way steadily down her cheek. "Thank you,"

I shrugged. "No worries, it's my job to take care of you. Come on, let's go tell your dad his little girl is getting married, do you think a giant hand is going to come out of the ground with a shot gun pointed at my head?"

Lily giggled a little more and pulled me towards her dad's gravestone.

It was in a private area of the cemetery, set apart from the crowded graves. Fresh flowers lay on top of the gravestone, the garden and everything surrounding the grave site manicured to perfection, giving it a well loved feel that most of the graves lacked.

"Hey daddy," Lily said softly, tracing the petals of the flowers on top of the grave. "I'm sorry it's been so long,"

Lily paused and in the silence there was a beautiful calm, nothing eerie, nothing awkward just a peace that was filling the whole area.

"I miss you daddy, I hate that you're not here. I hate that I've had so many big events in my life that you should have been there for. If it weren't for James I don't even know if I'd have gotten this far,"

Lily gave me a watery smile and then turned back to the gravestone, pressing her palm over her father's name as she knelt down.

"I really hope you're doing good wherever you are dad, I hope you're happy and warm and telling lame dad jokes that people are actually finding funny. I really just came to give this to you,"

Lily pulled out an invitation and dug a little hole at the base of the tombstone to place the invitation on where it wouldn't blow away.

"I'm getting married," Lily said quietly and her whole face lit up. "Can you believe that? To James Potter of all people! But I'm happy dad, I'm really, really happy despite the darkness that's everywhere. I guess I just wanted to let you know that, I'm doing all right, I'm happy and I have someone to take care of me. I love you daddy, it won't be the same with out you,"

Wiping a single tear away Lily got to her feet after pressing a kiss to the grave stone. "I'll come visit as soon as I can ok?"

With a final smile at where her dad lay resting Lily turned to me and offered her hand. "Shall we?"

"What the hell?"

Both Lily and I whipped around to find ourselves face to face with Petunia and the whale she had tamed into being her boyfriend.

"We were just leaving," Lily said stiffly.

"You shouldn't have even _come_," Petunia snarled.

"That's right, we don't need _your_ lot ruining the peace of the dead,"

Anger simmered deep in my stomach. "What exactly are you trying to say?"

Whale boy began to shift his red complexion to something slightly darker. "You know exactly what I mean! You're going to come in here and work your mambo jumbo and…and…"

"Wake the dead?" I asked sarcastically.

Obviously dumber than they both looked they both let out a little squeal and backed up, Petunia's left hand raised to block a blow, a little ring on her finger.

Lily moved forward and grabbed Petunia's hand. "You're engaged! Since when?"

Petunia snapped her hand back like it had been burnt. "You don't _ever_ touch me! And that is none of your business!"

"Were you going to invite me to the wedding?" Lily asked quietly.

"And have it ruined? Yeah, right!"

Tears filled Lily's eyes as she nodded and backed up a few spaces, the anger in my body was now boiling over. Without thinking of the consequences, I moved forward and pointed my wand at them both, causing full on screams of panic this time.

"James…" Lily warned.

"It's ok love, I'm not going to kill them…not yet. Listen here you two, this 'us', 'them' bullshit is going to stop right now. You don't have to like us, hell we certainly don't like you but you _will_ be civil. You will send a card for the minimum every Christmas, you will invite Lily to your wedding, you _will_ attend ours and you will do it with a smile on your face, I don't care how many stiff drinks you need to achieve that, as long as it happens. Are we understood?"

The stupid git puffed up his chest, his face now purple and took a shaky step towards me. "Now see here…"

My wand was against his throat before he could finish. "I _said_ do you understand?"

With a big gulp, he nodded, Petunia following suit.

Satisfied they knew I wasn't bluffing, I put my wand back in my robes and smiled at them widely. "Delightful, we'll be expecting your wedding invite soon then, your mum will tell you how to find us and we'll be sending out our invites soon, can't wait for some quality time together. Good day!"

Without waiting to see if Vernon's face could in fact get any more purple, I took Lily's hand and strode away.

"You know you're completely crazy right?" Lily whispered as she struggled to keep up with my wide strides.

I grinned down at her. "I'm well aware of how crazy I get when it comes to you Evans, yes,"

Lily rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah, yeah. Are we seriously going to walk to your mum's?"

I smiled indulgently down at her. "Of course not, I just figured your sister had, had enough magic for one day, I thought we'd get out of their line of sight before we apparated,"

Lily squeezed my hand and smiled sweetly up at me. "Best boyfriend ever,"

"Seriously, can I get that in writing the next time I mess up big time?"

Lily nudged me with her hip. "You're ruining the moment,"

I grinned and pulled Lily to a stop. "Sorry love. Alright, ready for stop number two?"

Lily smoothed her hair down quickly before nodding. "Yep, let's do this,"

*

As with Lily's dad's site, everything was perfect for my mum, fresh flowers, lawn mown, grave stone arranged to perfection, even the weather was absolutely gorgeous. Mum definitely had something to do with this, no way in hell was she anything going to stop her from having everything perfect, not even death.

"Hey mum," I said casually, lying down next to her. "Missed me much? I miss you, sometimes it's all the consumes me. I'm not going to be here long, I just wanted to check in with you. Alice and Frank had a bit of a mishap but they're all right so there's nothing to worry about there, Lily blasted Sirius's door off it's hinges, you would have loved it, woman power and all that. Everything is pretty good considering, actually everything is pretty great; Lily and I came here to drop off the invite to our wedding; the date hasn't been set yet or anything but I wanted you to know I haven't forgotten and I wish you were here to completely monopolize my fiancée's time with planning everything. If you're watching, if you're still around or anything, I just want you to know that I love you, we _both_ love you and there will always be a void in my life where you belong, a void that no one else could ever fill."

I smoothed my hand over the soft grass that covered my mum's lot, imagining it was my mum's back I was rubbing, that I somehow could still feel her here with me.

Silently Lily passed me the invite and using a sticking charm I placed it at the foot of her stone; a permanent reminder that even as I started my own family; she was always going to be a part of it.

"Love you," I whispered as I rolled onto my back and looked up at the flawless sky, the sun shining down on my face, warming my whole body inside and out.

"I miss you too," Lily whispered as she gingerly touched the gravestone. "I'm going to take good care of your boy, kick his arse when he needs it too,"

I closed my eyes and smiled, I could almost hear my mum's chiming laughter in my ears, feel her hug me and Lily together, see her smile light up her whole face as she looked at us.

I knew in her own way my mum was here and she was happy for us; she was giving her blessing and sending her love. It was almost the perfect moment.

"I'll be back to change your flowers next week mum, send my love to Nan and Pop, love you better,"

I gave the grass a final pat and then forced myself to back onto my feet, Lily by my side.

"Do you think they can hear us? That they're watching over us?" Lily asked quietly as we retreated away from the grave.

I looked at the beautiful day ahead, of the stunning flowers I was sure weren't as stunning as before surrounding us.

"Definitely," I replied. "Both too stubborn to let as little thing like death keep them from the big moments,"

Lily smiled at the thought. "I like that. Are we heading home now?"

"So desperate to get back to the inquisition?"

Lily shuddered, just remembering what was in store for her when she returned and smiled up at me brightly. "Well, it is a nice day, I suppose we could go get some lunch and just have a normal day for once,"

"Normal? Bah!" I scoffed.

Lily put both hands on her hips. "Well, what else would you prefer? Dark and depressing?"

I pinched her cheek gently. "I won't settle for anything short of sensational for you Evans,"

Lily's face lit up with anticipation. "Alright then, I'm intrigued. Where are we starting our sensational day Mr. Potter?"

I smiled down at the girl of my dreams. "Wherever you want beautiful, today is your day."

**LILY**

"I say it's your day, that you can pick _anything_ you want to do and you choose _this_?" James asked incredulously.

I grinned at him, standing awkwardly in the change room, dressed in the clothes I'd picked out for him.

"Well, I can't very well have my fiancée meet my muggle family in a dress now can I?"

James' eyes bulged. "They're _robes_ Lily, you wear them too!"

"Yes because I'm a part of the wizarding world now, but I'm telling you from a muggle perspective, people are going to think you're a cross dresser,"

James scoffed at me. "You're being ridiculous,"

"Excuse me," I said to the sales assistant. "What do you think of this ensemble?"

The girl of about twenty five, with a pretty face and bright red hair eyed James up and down, a slow hunger deepening in her eyes.

"Mouth watering," she said with a lick across her lips for emphasis. "Was the big dress before a dare or something?"

I smiled at James smugly and then wrapped my arms around his neck. "Yes, a dare. My fiancée is one for laughs you see?"

Her big brown eyes lit up in awareness and with a respectful nod at me and polite smile at us both she moved away.

James smirked down at me. "Marking your territory again Evans?"

I shrugged. "Just stating a fact and proving my point,"

James grinned and smoothed his hands over his button down shirt and fitted black pants. "I do look pretty amazing, I think there might be a spot of saliva from the sales girl over there, you better watch your step,"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go put your dress back on and let's go get some lunch,"

James chuckled. "Evans, this hostility is really turning me on, I'm feeling a little nostalgic,"

I raised an eyebrow and then smacked James across the back of the head before turning to walk away so I could wait outside.

"Yep, definitely like old times," he called to my retreating back. "And I _love_ it!"

I giggled to myself quietly as I stood by the window, staring out at the atmosphere around me. As I looked down the street a small gasp left my breath and my heart began to beat a little faster; and my hands shook with withheld excitement. I was looking at a beautiful wedding store.

At eighteen years of age this wasn't what I pictured myself doing, actually for the most part of my life I had pretty much believed that maybe a wedding was a dream I would never reach; that I was better off alone.

Standing here, looking at the gorgeous dresses displayed in the window, imagining James in a tux, smiling at me in a beautiful gown I wanted it. God, I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything.

I could see all of our friends around us; Sirius with a pitcher of ale and making a humiliating speech, Carla crying through her speech, Dumbledore bringing cute balloons, fireworks, laughter and most importantly James; just me and James together forever from that day on.

I wanted it so bad.

"Hey girlfriend, we ready to go?"

I turned to James and smiled up at him and his face went from teasing to serious.

"Are you ok? You look…I don't know but you look something,"

I smiled. "I believe the correct answer is 'you look beautiful,'"

James waved the statement away. "You're always beautiful Evans, you know what I meant, what's up?"

I sighed and pulled James out of the shop and onto the street so we were facing the bridal shop. "I was just thinking about the wedding, wondering what it would be like and you know, if we were ever going to get it planned and done,"

James stared at me for a second, nodded to himself and then lifted me into his arms and began striding down the street.

"James! What are you doing? Put me down!"

James ignored me and kept walking.

"Where are we going?"

"Wedding shop," he replied. "We're going to start planning the wedding today and it's going to be nothing short of perfect for you,"

I stared at him incredulously. "_You're_ going to help me plan the wedding?"

James nodded. "Yep, you want me to help pick out seat covers or learn how to braid ribbons or something, I'll do it,"

I snorted. "You're such a liar, no guy wants to do that stuff,"

James stared at me intensely. "Evans, when it comes to your happiness there is really nothing I wouldn't do,"

I smirked. "I'll definitely keep that in mind, you're going to have a whole life time of making me happy,"

James nodded in awareness. "At the expense of my pride and dignity right?"

"Isn't it worth my happiness?"

James sighed as he slid me down his body to stop at the front of the store. "You're so lucky you're the hottest thing ever Evans,"

I shrugged and flicked my hair. "Well…you know, when you look like this…"

James patted my butt affectionately and opened the door for me. "Get inside you before your heads too big to fit,"

I giggled softly and skipped inside.

It was beautiful inside, spacious with wedding gowns, brides maid dresses, accessories, mock bouquets, tiara's, jewellery and pretty white and silver walls. It was a slice of heaven to lose yourself in.

"Why hello there, how can I help you?"

I swung around to find an elderly lady beaming at me and James.

"We just got engaged," I gushed.

"Oh how wonderful! What a beautiful couple you make! So, you're looking to browse the works today then?"

I smiled warmly at her, feeling at ease already. "I think we're just trying to get an idea of what we want, we have a lot to do in not much time,"

"Well, do you know what colour scheme you want your wedding to be?"

You had to have a colour scheme? Whoa, I was so over my head in this.

"Uh…no,"

"What about brides maids, have you organised how many yet and do you know what style of dress you want for them?"

My eyes bulged and I stared at her in horror. Wow, I was so unprepared for this, I don't even know if it was possible to get it all done. I wouldn't even know the first thing about any of this stuff.

"We're not really set in anything right now," James told her kindly. "This is just to indulge my beautiful bride to be, let her get lost in all the beauty, see how much it's going to cost me, how many banks I'm going to need to rob,"

The lady chuckled along with James, clearly charmed.

"What a lucky young woman you are. I'll leave you to browse a bit, give a yell if you need anything at all dears,"

I smiled politely at her and then turned to James in panic. "James! How are we going to get all of this done in time? I have _no_ idea about any of this stuff, I don't even know what _colours_ I want!"

James pressed his finger to my lips and smiled. "We'll figure it out love, it's not going to be that big a deal, you have your girlfriends to help you make the big decisions,"

"Big decisions?" I asked.

James grinned. "Yeah, you know like hair up or hair down, chicken or fish, that sort of life stopping stuff,"

I giggled and nudged him slightly. "Smart arse,"

"Do you want to try a dress on?" he asked.

"That's bad luck, and it needs to be a complete surprise, anyway, I think we should head back, see if Alice and Frank are back from the hospital yet,"

James wrapped his arm around me tightly and walked me towards the exit. "But lunch first right? Because I am starving!"

I smiled and took his hand. "Ok, lunch first,"

*

"Muggle food is _delicious_!"

I smiled at James warmly. "We do have some cool stuff of our own,"

"Are we ready to head back to the mad house?"

I entwined my hand in James after dumping our rubbish. "Yep, let's go face the firing squad,"

James let his head fall back. "Oh right, we still haven't given every tiny detail of our most intimate moment yet,"

I laughed. "Yep."

"Well, we better get it over and done with, Sirius is _so_ irritating when he doesn't get his way,"

"Can't have that can we? Let's go,"

With a final smile at each other and quick peck on the lips; we both got out our wands and the next thing we knew we were back in Sirius' living room…and we were not alone.

"FINALLY! Gee how long does two freaking invitations take, you know I don't like waiting!"

James nudged and mouthed 'I told you so,'

I moved forward and wrapped my arms around Sirius' waist. "So very sorry Sirius, we promise to never have a life of our own ever again, you will always come first,"

Sirius rubbed my back quickly and grinned. "I knew it wasn't too much to ask,"

I let go of Sirius and moved over to where Violet and Carla stood. "So, what's up?"

Violet and Carla grinned broadly and began to twitch with excitement. "We are _so_ glad you're back, we have so much to show you!"

"Show us what?" James asked as he put Sirius in a head lock.

Violet skipped over and picked up a large box and handed it to James, who was forced to let Sirius go. "Here you go!"

"What's this?" James asked.

"Invitations!" Carla squealed. "We've finished them all!"

"That's so lovely, but the thing is we can't mail invites without a date babe," I told her calmly.

"We already put a date in," Violet said with a huge grin. "We figured you'd want sooner rather than later so we decided two months from today would be perfect, gives us plenty of time to organise everything else,"

"What about location?" James asked, pulling me in for a hug.

"Right here," Sirius said, looking proud of himself. "The back yard is huge enough and we're gonna go all out and make it look amazing, plus it's private and protected so we don't need to worry about and slimey gate crashes,"

I felt my eyes tear up and my mouth open slightly as I stared at my friends. Suddenly Sirius didn't look so sure of himself.

"Oh…that's ok right Evans? Because I can change it if you don't like it, you just tell me what you want and I'm your man to make it happen,"

I smiled at him warmly. "It's perfect. Thank you, thank all of you, this means so much. You guys are so amazing,"

"We just want you to have a great day," Remus said, giving me a brief hug. "You both deserve it,"

"Yeah and now that the boring stuff is done we can focus on the more important things,"

I looked at Sirius wearily, scared of where this was going. "And what is the important stuff Sirius?"

Sirius's face lit up into a devilish grin. "The bachelor party of course!"

I sighed. Lord help us.


	51. Chapter 51

Hey everyone, this is going to be a bit of a long note, bear with me my FF friends :D

First off, I really need to apologise to you all for this chapter, I've been dealing with some stuff the past few weeks so it's been a struggle to write a well balanced chapter with lots of happiness when I'm feeling the opposite. It irritates me when I don't deliver perfection for you all when you're all so, so wonderful to me. Please don't judge me too harshly on this one.

Next, this is going to be my last update for about 3 weeks since my man is up next week and my best friends the week after that. So, that being the case, I personally want to wish each and every one of you the best Christmas ever and the safest new years whilst still being insanely off tap fun. I hope you all get spoilt ridiculously and make only the best memories you can treasure for years to come.

You are all such precious, precious people in my life. Like my own little online family. Only wishing you the best, and sending you so much love.

Honourable mentions to; Ravenclawlupin11, XXJAMESLILYXX, hpdreamer500, joesbaby14, Adorkably Adorkable, SecretlyAGryffindor, Undercover Hufflepuff, hello-goodbye146, Jaz09, crazycat999, The DA is dressed to the nines, KatieMAGICLove, hptwilightlvr, LiLoveheart, TmoVie, bookworm1545.

Thank you always, you amaze me xx xx xx

P.S a special mention to Amanda who cheered me up and got me through the week xxx

**

* * *

**

**JAMES**

Sharp, long, blood stained nails reached forward for Lily, her eyes wide and alarmed, her body frozen with her arms wrapped securely around her chest. 'Run' I tried screaming but she wasn't listening, like she couldn't even see me here. I tried to move forward myself but found I was frozen in place, invisible bonds holding me so I was immobile.

"Lily! Move! Run!"

The bony, evil hand reached forward once more and this time Lily backed up slightly. The hand then beckoned slowly and it was only then I saw the big picture.

Lily, her back turned to the hand had a small baby wrapped in her arms protectively, all I could see was messy black hair poking out in tufts in the gaps through Lily's arms. Growing impatient the hand swung back and rushed forward swiftly, when it pulled back again it was drenched in thick, red, blood.

I woke up violently, jumping right up, heart racing, panic filling my entire body. Something was wrong, there was something wrong. Wait…where was I? In the darkness I patted the spot next to me to only feel the bed; Lily wasn't anywhere on the bed. The breath caught in my throat as I tried to separate dreams from reality.

"Evans?" I managed to croak.

A stream of light and a loud creak snapped my attention to the door that led to the balcony. Lily stood there in only my shirt, concern and love etched in her face.

"You alright Potter?" she asked. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Sweat dripping down my face and back I nodded, still feeling shaky.

Lily moved silently forward, crept onto the bed and sat behind me, wrapping her arms around my back, resting her chin on my shoulder, holding me close so I felt grounded.

"Was the dream really that awful?"

I sighed and it came out broken. "I don't want to even think about it Evans,"

Lily rubbed my back comfortingly. "Did Sirius steal your favourite dress robes?"

I rolled my eyes and nudged her gently. "No Evans, that wasn't it,"

"I'm sorry," she said seriously. "He told you, you guys can only be friends right? No more midnight cuddles?"

This time I laughed or at least tried to, the image so ridiculous I couldn't help but feel cheered up.

"There! Got a smile didn't I?"

I leant back and tilted my head up for a kiss. Lily leant down and obliged, smiling at me so lovingly I almost forgot I had been devastated moments before.

"Why were you out before?" I asked.

"Come on,"

I allowed Lily to pull me through the glass doors and onto the balcony.

"The sunrise," she explained to me, wrapping my arms around her waist before leaning on the balcony. "It's my favourite thing in the whole world…besides you of course. I love that every morning is a fresh start, a beautiful beginning with every chance that it's going to be a great day, that there is hope it will be better than the last,"

I snuggled in close to her neck, pecking her gently. "I like the sound of that Evans,"

"Will you watch with me?" she asked.

I looked out at the tiny yellow ball in the distance, slowly rising, illuminating the world.

"Where else would I be Evans?"

Lily shifted closer and together in silence we watched the sun rise, the animals slowly move out into the light of the world as the darkness diminished.

"It really is beautiful," I whispered.

Lily squeezed my hand. "I know, when things are getting me down I make sure to catch the next sun rise, gives me some semblance of hope,"

An idea hit me then so perfect, so ingenious and romantic I had to smirk on how amazing my reward would be once I made it happen for Lily.

"What?" she asked. "Is there some joke I'm not aware of?"

I shook my head and spun her around to face me.

"I've just had the best idea ever,"

Lily gestured for me to go on. "Let's hear it then,"

"We get married!"

Lily rolled her eyes and held up her left hand, her engagement ring sparkling in the sun. "What did you think the ring was for?"

I shook my head. "No, no, no, we get married right here, at sunrise. A new beginning in every sense of the word, as the sun comes up and lights up the world, we will face whatever's next as a newly formed family,"

Lily's smile put the sunrise to shame as she beamed up at me. "Sometimes Potter I swear you get these lines from a book or maybe there's someone in your ear whispering the perfect things to say,"

I smirked as I tweaked her nose. "Ever thought that perhaps I'm just perfect?"

Lily shrugged. "Maybe, but I'll never admit it, your ego would never deflate,"

I chuckled and gave her a little peck on the lips.

"What's the plans for today love?"

Lily smiled up at me and then looked down at the only thing she was wearing which was my shirt.

"I think I'm going to need to get dressed before we do anything else,"

As Lily tried to walk away I caught her around the waist and pulled her back and close into my body.

"I like you in my clothes," I purred into her ear. "Sexiest thing you could ever put on,"

Lily giggled and slipped out of my arms.

"Come on Potter, we're burning day light. I'm going to go have a shower, if you're lucky I might let you join,"

I didn't need telling twice, I quickly rushed after Lily, only to skid to a halt as we found Sirius laying on our bed, eye brows raised as he stared at Lily.

"Sirius! What are you doing here?" I asked.

Sirius rested his arms behind his head and smiled his little sideways smile. "Bachelor party tonight mate, we gotta get you away from Evans before you get all cutesy and we're forced to apparate you to opposite sides of town,"

I stared at Sirius incredulously. "Pad foot, it's only…seven am…so I'm going to ask again, what the hell are you doing here?"

Sirius turned away from me and stared at Lily, looking her up and down.

"Evans, less is definitely more, I never _ever_ thought I'd say this to you but hubba hubba!"

Lily blushed and pulled the edges of the shirt down.

"Alright, let's go," I said, pushing Sirius off the bed.

"I'll see you later gorgeous," I told Lily.

"I'd give you a kiss goodbye but I need to go and scrub my skin raw after having Sirius undress me with his eyes," Lily replied, blowing me a kiss.

I chuckled as Sirius scowled and frog marched him out of the room.

"Your girlfriend can be insufferable sometimes," he sulked as he fell into the couch.

"It's fiancée and she's got great taste," I replied just as Frank, Peter and Remus strolled into the room.

"Longbottom!" I said in delight. "It's been weeks man , how you holding up?"

Frank grinned. "The thought of Sirius mapping out a whole day for your bachelor party has cheered me up considerably,"

I rolled my eyes. "Great support unit you are,"

Remus moved over to clap me on the shoulder. "I'm on your side,"

I smiled at him warmly. "I know you are Moony, you're the only one that keeps me sane,"

"What about me James?" Peter piped up. "I'm on your side too!"

"Are you?" I countered.

"Wh- what?" he stuttered.

"On my side. Are you on my side?"

Peter looked stricken at the simple question so after a few moments I gave him a break.

"I'm just kidding Wormtail, I know you're on my side. I'd love it if you could knock Sirius out for the next week or so though,"

Peter smiled at me sheepishly. "I love you mate, but you're on your own there,"

"Traitor," I retorted and for a split second Peter looked like he might cry, however he covered it so quickly I may have imagined it.

"So, any reason why we're up so early? Aren't these things generally at night?"

"They are," Remus replied. "But the girls wanted Lily completely free the whole day for pampering before the girls night so we had to steal you away,"

As if on cue the girls came giggling through the house, completely ignoring us and going straight into mine and Lily's room.

"That is_ a lot_ of pampering," I whistled.

The guys all murmured in agreement as we stared at the closed door, not even able to comprehend what they could do for a whole day and night.

Sirius came out of the trance first. "Enough of this, let's go do some guy things,"

I sighed. "Such as?"

"Getting more sleep at my place," Frank said, rubbing his eyes. "Al is going to be out all day and I'm freaking tired,"

"That sounds so good," I replied, my eye lids feeling heavy.

"And waste the day? Come on guys!" Sirius protested.

"Sirius, come on, are you going to honestly tell us that with Carla in your bed you got a full nights sleep and aren't tired at all?" Remus asked.

"Maybe an hour or two wouldn't kill us…" Sirius hedged.

"It would give you more energy for tonight," Peter piped in.

Sirius' eyes lit up. "You are _so_ right Wormtail, let's go rest up we will definitely need all the energy we can get. Let's go!"

I sighed as Remus rubbed my back.

I turned to Peter and glared. "My side my arse," I muttered.

*

I woke up hours later to flashes on light in my face.

"Whazzamatter?" I asked jumping up and smacking my head into the camera pointed at my face.

"Ouch! Oh jesus! What the hell!"

Sirius looked down at me sheepishly. "Sorry mate, I'm just making sure I capture every moment of today,"

I rubbed my eyes, trying to adjust to what looked like mid day light.

"Guys, he's up!"

Remus waltzed in first, followed in quick procession by Frank and Peter.

"Good afternoon sleeping beauty," Frank grinned.

I sat up with my legs crossed. "What's the time?"

"One thirty, you have definitely wasted half the day. Evans tire you out that much?"

I threw the pillow at Sirius's head and stretched my muscles and joints. "So, what's the plan for today?"

Sirius grinned. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Get dressed and let's go, we have a few stops,"

I groaned and fell back into the pillows. "Can't I just skip it?"

"Your own bachelor party? Not a chance," Frank replied. "It's an important rite of passage remember?"

I groaned again and forced myself out of bed. "Alright fine, let's do this. Where's stop number one?"

Sirius' face lit up, his smile mischievous. "Let's go find out, Petey put the blind fold on,"

Peter clapped and rushed off to go get the blindfold as Remus smiled at me apologetically.

"You'll never forget this," Sirius promised.

I rubbed my forehead in circles. No doubt.

*

"Are you ready Prongs?" Sirius asked as he guided me forward, hand firmly wrapped around my biceps.

"Would it matter if I said no?"

"Nope,"

"Then I guess I'm ready,"

Sirius chuckled slightly and began fiddling with the ties of the blind fold at the back of my head.

I braced myself for scantily clap women, for the entrance to a bar, hell maybe he'd take me into town to one of those crazy muggle raves or something. I was braced for everything, everything except this.

As the blind fold came off my mouth opened in surprise, my eyes practically popping out of my head. It was unlike anything I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams.

"Sirius…" I began, trying to find words. "What…?"

Sirius shrugged and as I finally turned to him I noticed he was looking more humble than I'd ever seen him.

I turned back again to my parents holiday house; the first place I ever took Sirius, our first holiday with my family that had cemented our friendship. We hadn't been here in years, not since the big storm had almost completely damaged. It was perfect now though; in pristine condition; like someone had made sure it was well looked after, had taken the time to completely remodel it in exactly the way it had been before. I was guessing that someone was Sirius.

"Where are the strippers?" I asked.

Now Sirius laughed. "No strippers mate. This is the first place I've ever gone on a holiday and had fun, our first real trip together, remember? I want today to be about us you know, and how far we've come. I know that when you get married you're going to want to make you own memories and stuff so I just figured this one day I could have you to myself and it could be all our memories in one. So when you look back on your bachelor party, it's gonna be a perfect day,"

I stared at him, touched. "Sirius…you know that just because I'm getting married it doesn't mean it's going to change right? You're always going to be my best mate, nothing is going to change,"

Sirius smiled wryly. "Everything changes mate, look how much has changed already,"

I slung my arm around his shoulder. "Not for us it doesn't. You're my best man, if you ever produce a strong enough Imperius I'll be best man at your wedding, you'll be God dad to my kids, we're going to be old geezers trying to convince our kids we were once the coolest guys ever, and it's going to be together we have the biggest moments in our life,"

Sirius' eyes looked watery and he turned away from me.

I sighed and leant in close to his ear. "You want to go get drunk? I'll pay for one lap dance for you,"

Sirius looked back at me, eyes dry and interested. "Really?"

I grinned. "If you're a really good boy I'll lie to Carla and tell her we just went to the old haunts all day and avoided all women,"

Sirius wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "And that's why you're my best mate, come on then, we still have a few hours before the _real_ fun begins!"

"What real fun?" I asked but Sirius was already skipping away.

"Sirius, what real fun!"

Sirius either didn't here me or ignored me and just kept running away, laughing merrily as he tackled Peter to the ground.

I looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. Here we go.

LILY

"This is so relaxing," I murmured as my back and shoulders were rubbed.

"Everyone should get this done once a week, I swear there'd be no war; everyone would just be too mellow," Carla replied.

I giggled. "Yeah babe that's the problem, Voldermort is just tense,"

"Hey, it's a possibility, can you honestly tell me you feel any anger what so ever right now?"

Every ache and pain I'd accumulated over the year was gone, the tension and stress eliminated so I was just lying limp on the table, feeling content and relaxed. I don't think I could work up enough angry energy to smack Sirius out if he'd been here now making smart arse comments.

"Fair point," I finally replied. "Tell you what, next time we see Voldermort or any of the death eaters I'll be sure to mention this place,"

Carla snorted. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Lily,"

I giggled. "Sorry,"

"You know what we need?" Alice asked as she had her scalp massaged.

"Some chocolate and good sex after this?" Violet asked with a cheeky grin.

Alice chuckled and shook her head slightly. "Close, but not quite. We need to teach the guys how to do this, wouldn't it be awesome to go to bed after a half hour back and shoulder massage, followed by a scalp massage?"

We all took a moments silence to imagine every night ending with the same relaxing routine, no matter how stressful the day had been. It would be the perfect end to every day really.

Carla sighed first. "It makes me sad because I know it will never happen,"

Violet huffed in frustration. "I know all I get is my hair played with not ever a back massage. Remus gets all shy about using too much strength or scratching me or something,"

"Frank rubs my back sometimes," Alice added. "No often but sometimes,"

Carla sighed again. "Let's face it girls, the lucky on here is Lily because she has the guy that would go to Australia to get her chocolate and then go back again if it was the wrong type,"

I laughed out loud as all the girls murmured their agreements. "That's not true at all. James is wonderful but he's not _that_ whipped,"

Alice snorted. "Denial is a powerful thing Lil,"

"He isn't," I protested. "No more than Frank or Sirius or Remus,"

Violet leant over to pat my arm. "Just keep telling yourself that,"

I rolled my eyes and decided to change the subject, there was no way I was going to win this when I was out numbered.

"So, after the pampering what are we doing?"

Carla scoffed. "Are you honestly going to tell me you've had enough of being pampered?"

I smiled. "Not at all but we have been here all day I was just wondering what was to come,"

Violet and Alice immediately burst into a round of giggles,.

"What? What's so funny? Carla what aren't you telling me?"

Carla shrugged. "Nothing at all, it's just going to be a fun night,"

Tension slowly crept its way back into my body. This couldn't be good. "Carla? There's no strippers right? Please tell me there's no strippers!"

Carla just smirked a little to herself. "It's a surprise Lily, just trust me ok? This will be a night you won't soon forget,"

I put my hand to my forehead, all sorts or crazy images flooding my head.

"Make sure you have your camera," Violet giggled. "You're going to want proof later on that it really happened,"

There was going to be strippers for sure.

James was going to kill me.

*

Six hours, a roast dinner, five shots, seven cocktails and hundreds of photo's and laughs later, I sat on a lip shaped couch in a pretty apartment the girls had rented out for me sharing boy stories with the girls, a little more than tipsy.

"I can't believe you're getting married!" Violet gushed. "And to James Potter!"

"I know!" I giggled in return.

"Don't you feel old?" Carla asked, her head lolling to the side a bit. "You'll be an old married couple soon."

"Hey!" Alice argued. "_I'm_ a married old couple,"

I raised my glass in a toast. "And you make it look so good, you barely look over seventeen, what's your secret?"

Alice nudged me gently. "Shut up you!"

"You's guys are gon' like have kids and everything soon," Violet said, spilling her drink a bit.

I pulled a face I'm sure matched Alice's face of disgust. "Not on my watch, I don't want kids until I'm like…thirty,"

Alice clinked her glass against mine. "Here, here! We can have babies at the same time ok? They'll grow up to be best friends,"

"Of course they will," I replied fervently. "All of our kids are going to be the best of buddies, I just know it!"

"_I'm_ not having kids," Carla told us firmly.

"Why the heck not?" Alice asked.

"Can you imagine little Sirius's running around? It would be the death of me, one is more than enough!"

I laughed. "Well, you might want to tell him that, I heard him and James picking out matching brooms for their kids once,"

Carla hung her head in her hands. "Oh god, can you imagine that? They'd spend their whole school lives in detention, they'd be _worse_ than the boys are,"

I snorted. "Not with mum's like us, we'd keep them in line,"

"Sirius would have girls anyway," Violet said.

We all turned to her in surprise. "Why do you say that?"

Violet stared at us like we were dumb. "It's like, the rule of the world. Player's and ladies men always get daughter's, it's karma for what they put other dad's through,"

We all started laughing, imagining the look on Sirius's face when he realised he got a little girl he'd have to keep away from guys like himself.

"I hope I live to see that happen," I said without thinking.

The girls, realising what I'd said all went silent, the implications thick, the light mood disappearing a little.

"Why wouldn't you live to see it?" Alice asked quietly.

I shrugged, I had no words to explain it and no words to comfort them. The alcohol prohibiting me from lying successfully.

Carla jumped in to save me. "It's just about time everyone, get comfy!"

I locked my eyes onto hers in alarm. "Time for what?"

Carla grinned devilishly. "Show time,"

I sat up alarmed. "Carla, I don't want any strippers, I've told you that all day."

"Just relax," Carla told me, holding onto my arm firmly.

"No, I'm serious. Make them leave, or I will,"

Carla rolled her eyes. "You're being dramatic, just ride it out ok? You might be pleasantly surprised,"

"Just give us five minutes, please?" Alice begged.

I relaxed back into the couch and crossed my arms over my chest. "I'll give you three,"

Alice clapped in excitement. "Excellent. I'll be right back,"

Violet jumped up, eyes alight with excitement. "I'll go give you a hand,"

I groaned and tried to calm myself down. How bad could it be, really? The girls wouldn't completely humiliate me right? And James couldn't get mad, he had _Sirius_ planning his whole night. This would just be one of those don't ask don't tell things. Everything was going to be fine, this was a rite of passage, I just needed to relax.

Moments later Alice and Violet returned, each pushing a giant cake into the room. Having a brain in my head, I knew there was someone inside the cake, but the cake did look delicious; maybe I could divert the guys attention to one of the girls and sneak off with the cake; I was craving something sweet.

As Violet and Alice squealed and sat back down on their couch sexy music began to play and the lights dimmed slowly.

"I'm going to kill you," I whispered to Carla through clenched teeth.

She smirked at me. "I'm not convinced of that, just watch,"

After a couple moments of music and the cake sliding backwards and forwards on it's wheels in what was meant to be seductively, a male hand reached out of the top of the cake, dipping a finger into the icing and then gesturing for me to come closer.

"Oh, I'm fine here thanks," I called politely.

Carla was having none of that and pushed me forward.

Figuring I may as well go along with this, even if only for my friends benefeit I moved closer and the hand offered me the finger of icing. Taking a deep breath I leant down and licked the icing off.

My earlier assumption was right; it was delicious.

Without warning, the naked upper body attached to the hand burst from the top and I jumped back in shock, stumbling back onto the couch.

Once my eyed adjusted; the most beautiful sight was in front of me.

"Did someone order a stripper? Come here beautiful,"

I smiled, my cheeks flushed and moved forward, tentatively avoiding the cake and wrapping my arms around James Potters neck.

"Surprised?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Good surprise?"

"The best," I replied and pressed my lips against James.


	52. Chapter 52

Hello my beautiful ones :D

I am so very, very sorry it has taken me so long, I've had the worst writers block so I've just sort of slapped this chapter together so I can try and get back in the groove for when I write the wedding.

How was everyone's Christmas and New Year? I hope it was amazing, filled with presents, love and happy memories :D

As always, I have a few people I am very, very grateful for and who brighten up my darkest days; FaithfulHPReader, T149Man, hawaiiangirl258, HermioneGrangersTwin, mouse123, ravenclawLupin11, Ashlie, .318, ImRandom, LiLoveheart, XXJAMESLILYXX, shroomy-eyes, missgeorgeweasley, joesbaby14, CaraGrace, crazycat999, hello-goodbye146, SecretlyAGryffindor, hpdreamer500, xheheitssamx, The DA is dressed to the nines, TmoVie, bookworm1545, hptwilightlvr.

Thank you, I love you, you're beautiful.

Xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

The thick curtains were drawn so the bright sun had no way in, the room in an almost complete darkness except for the dim light by the bed, illuminating my target who had his eyes closed; oblivious to me stalking around him room, oblivious to what I held in my hand; to my determination to finally give him what I'd been dying to give him for a long time.

My hands were still and ready, my body poised, my heart beat steady. I feel no nerves; no doubt, I don't even feel panic at being caught. I am just a calm ocean, braced for the on coming storm. With a measured breath I move my left foot forward and then my right, striding out of the shadows, not even bothering to check if the coast was clear. It takes me five steps before I'm towering over the sleeping man, so innocent and fragile looking in his slumber. I smirk to myself. Pfft, yeah, right.

My hand clenches hard and I cut myself from the object I'm holding; a small line of blood drips down my palm, I feel no pain. I feel nothing. I stare hard at the face, lolled slightly to the side and strike quickly, no thought for consequences. I thrust the invitation hard into my dad's hand; hoping it will startle him awake as my other hand clasps his shoulder and squeezes down hard.

"Dad!" I say loudly into his ear.

Nothing.

I push my dad over on the bed so I have enough room to lie down next to him; just like I'm a little boy, just like the old days, just like when mum was still here, when each day I woke up wasn't an achievement; but a guarantee.

Gently I take my dad's hand and close his fingers around the invitation, forcing his hand to grip it tight. I keep my hand around his so the invitation doesn't slip out.

"I should have come sooner but I guess I couldn't bring myself to do this until the very last moment, until I really had no other chance, I guess I figured you'd be awake by now, suppose you could say this is my last ditch effort because if this doesn't get you to wake up dad, I'm at a loss at what to do next."

I take a deep breath and rest my head on my dads shoulder, curling my body around his.

"I'm getting married first thing tomorrow morning dad, and it's meant to be the best day of my life, the happiest day of all and it's tainted; this whole day is going to be tainted because you should be there, I _need_ you to be there ok? Please dad, if you can hear me at all, please just wake up, please be my dad and come and watch me start my own family, please don't make me experience one of the biggest events in my life without you. I love you dad, just wake up and everything is going to be ok, just please, wake up,"

Dad's chest moved slightly and I held my breath, waiting for his eyes to open, for some sign of life, for any more movement at all.

I waited, I watched…and nothing happened.

I could feel the exact moment my heart broke, pin point when the emptiness spread through out my entire body and only a shell was left.

I moved off the bed stiffly, the invitation falling limp out of my father's hands and landing on the floor, I square my shoulders and leave the invite where it fell; I don't look back and from this point on I have no intention of ever returning here.

*

"Prongs man, you seriously need to cheer up!" Frank told me, slapping me on the back.

"You _are_ acting like it's a funeral rather than a wedding," Remus added.

Sirius nodded soberly. "Well, he _is_ signing his life away, makes sense for the kid to be a bit concerned,"

I smirked at Sirius. "Shut up man,"

"I'm serious Prongs,"

"I know," Frank, Remus and I said at the same time.

"Ha ha very original like I haven't heard that before, no but listen, you're going to become one of those 'we' people,"

I turned my face into mock horror. "No! Not the 'we' people, bail me out now!"

Sirius crossed his arms and pouted his lips. "Everyone's a comic aren't they?"

I slung my arm lazily around his shoulder. "Relax; you're just fun to tease princess. And I'm not down about getting hitched, have you seen who I'm marrying? I've dreamt of this day for years, I don't care that I'm becoming an 'us,' or 'we' in fact I love that I have another half now I just…this isn't how I pictured my wedding day,"

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Ahh yes, back when you were only a little girl, dreaming of cupcakes, unicorns and the perfect wedding,"

I chuckled. "You're one to talk, wasn't it you that wanted the horse drawn carriage?"

Sirius's face fell, his eyes wide with horror and anger.

Remus clapped him on the shoulder. "Didn't know you were such a romantic mate,"

Sirius scowled. "You're lucky I promised Evans I'd be on my best behaviour Prongs, _very lucky_,"

I grinned and ruffled his hair. "You know I'm just messing with you man. What I was trying to say is, I just wish I had my family here with me today,"

One by one silently the boys came and put their hands on my shoulders.

"They are here Prongs," Sirius told me softly. "It's all family supporting you tonight, family goes deeper than just blood you know,"

I smiled, touched. "I know, thank you,"

"So, are you nervous?" Frank asked. "I was really nervous,"

I shook my head and sat down on Frank's couch. "Nope, I'm anxious. I feel like I've waited my whole life for this,"

Peter smiled cheekily. "Keen to start living life without sin?"

"I'm keen to tie Evans down and add another ring to that finger so every man knows that hot little number is my girl and mine only,"

Remus smirked. "Who knew you were so possessive?"

"I did," Sirius replied. "You ever seen Prongs around feeding time? Boy is like a Sphinx guarding a treasure,"

I shrugged. "I don't like sharing things I love,"

"So where'd you go before?" Frank asked through a mouthful of chips. "You missed out, the afternoon we got to help decorate Sirius' yard,"

"To see my dad," I replied tonelessly, the emptiness creeping back in.

"Oh,"

"Yep,"

Sirius came and fell into my lap, his weight almost winding me.

"Jesus mate, lay off the turkey dinners would you?"

Sirius smiled and ruffled my hair and then curled his body around in the foetal position. "Does it scare you that now that you're getting married the next step is kids? You could be doing this for real soon enough, have a little face like this staring up at you,"

I felt the emptiness fade a bit and a small smile filled my lips. "Sirius, you're telling me I could be having a giant baby that looks like you and this is meant to make me feel better?"

Sirius grinned and patted my cheek affectionately. "Life doesn't seem so bad now though does it? I got you to smile,"

I pushed him off my lap and he fell with a loud thud on the floor. "You've also made me lose the feeling in my legs,"

Sirius rolled to his feet and dusted himself off. "Rude! Anyway, what's the plans for tonight? Please tell me it involves avoiding the girls, wedding madness makes them go craaazy I don't know if I can stand being yelled at by Carla one more time about folding the napkins the wrong way I swear to god I'm going to seriously consider becoming a monk,"

Peter and I laughed but Frank nodded in agreement.

"You should have seen Alice," Frank told him. "One day she asked me what colour looked best, Champagne or Cream and I said I didn't care…man I swear she almost called the wedding off just for not caring!"

They both turned to me with expectation in their eyes, and I had to grin.

"I wish I could join in with you boys but Evans has been great, hasn't even yelled at me once,"

Sirius and Frank scowled. "Lucky bastard,"

I chuckled. "I've had seven years of being yelled at boys, so I think I'm due for a break,"

"He does have a point," Peter said.

Before the boys could reply there was a light knock on the front door.

"If it's Carla, I'm not here," Sirius whispered, rolling under the couch.

"Coward," I whispered as I trotted to the door.

I opened the door to reveal Lily standing there, looking as beautiful as ever, smiling up at me.

Immediately I clapped my hands over my eyes and turned my back on her.

"Well, that wasn't the welcome I was expecting," she said in her silky voice, placing gentle hands over mine, trying to pry them off.

"Evans, I'm not meant to see you until tomorrow morning, you know that, its bad luck,"

Lily giggled. "Didn't peg you for the traditional type,"

I smiled. "It's nice to know I can still surprise you,"

Lily wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. "We could live to ninety James and I'm sure you'll still be surprising me,"

Keeping my eyes closed still, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her in for another kiss.

"Oh come on! You're going to be spending every day for the rest of your lives together, this is your only time to be apart and you're _still_ side by side?"

I pulled Lily behind me so I couldn't see her and faced Sirius with a grin. "What can I say? She's the best company I've got,"

Sirius came at me with a run and just before he reached me a huge black dog landed on my chest instead.

With a squeal Lily jumped out of the way as me and dog-Sirius came crashing onto the floor. I looked up to see Sirius with his version of a dog grin, dripping drool onto my face.

"Alright, alright, I love you, you're awesome, can you please get off me now?"

With a playful snap at my shoulder Sirius moved off my chest and trotted a few steps away, turning into normal Sirius as he got further away.

At that moment Remus, Frank and Peter all came crashing in, wands raised.

"We heard a noise, what's wrong?" Remus asked tersely, taking in the scene.

Lily stepped forward carefully. "Easy boys, everything's ok, just Sirius here thinking he was funny,"

Sirius held his hand up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's get something straight here; I _am_ funny,"

Remus ignored Frank and turned to Lily. "What are you doing here Lils? Isn't it bad luck for the Groom to see the Bride on their wedding day?"

Lily shrugged. "I was going crazy in that house, Carla, Violet and Alice are so bent on giving me the perfect wedding it seems like my help isn't even needed,"

Lily moved over and as I went to cover my eyes she caught them and kissed them, smiling up at me. "Besides, we make our own luck. Come on Potter; let's go for our last walk as free agents before we tie our lives together for good in a few hours,"

I grinned down at Lily, my everything and took her hand in mine. "Sure beautiful, where ever you're going, I'll follow,"

LILY

"So, where exactly are we going?" James asked, as we walked through the crowded streets of London.

"I thought nothing mattered as long as you were with me?"

James smiled. "This is true, but if you're going to take me to the slaughter house I'd like to at least be able to say goodbye and prepare myself,"

I raised an eyebrow. "And why would I be taking you to the slaughter house?"

James grinned wickedly. "Trying to upgrade before it's too late?"

I chuckled and picked up my pace, pulling him along with me. "Shut up, come on!"

"You never answered me, where are we going?"

I smiled sweetly, knowing he wasn't going to like my answer and praying I could soften him up a bit.

"Well…I kind of promised Carla I'd pick up the wedding cake, so…"

James stopped walking and froze in place. "You're dragging me along to do wedding stuff?"

I smiled hopefully and nodded slightly.

James dropped to his knees and covered his heart with his hand. "Oh no, not wedding stuff! Take me to the slaughter house just please no more wedding stuff!"

I rolled my eyes and began to walk away from him; knowing of course that he would follow. "You're such a drama queen, keep up princess, I'm not waiting for you,"

James jumped to his feet and rushed to fall into step with me again. "So, what if I don't like the cake?"

I raised my eyebrows. "You're going to be eating it, what does it matter how it looks? I've seen you and Sirius eat some pretty questionable things,"

James winked at me. "Touché pretty one, touché indeed. So how far to the cake and then what other wedding stuff has Carla roped us into?"

My heart skipped a beat and I smiled broadly. "Us?"

James pulled a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Of course, haven't you heard? We're an 'us' people now,"

I beamed up at him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Oh no, not the 'us,' people!"

James pecked me on the forehead. "I feel like I've waited forever to become an 'us' with you Evans, couldn't happen soon enough for me. Now come on, we better get the cake; hell hath no fury like Carla when her schedule is thrown out of whack,"

I grinned and pulled him along with me again; content to just get lost in the crowd. Just two normal teenagers, walking the streets in love, living the dream.

I sighed. If only.

I pulled James to a stop in front of the cake store. "This is it,"

James pushed open the door and gestured for me to go inside. "Ladies first,"

I grinned and gestured for him to go ahead. "Age before beauty,"

James laughed and then moving quickly, threw me over his shoulder. I put up a weak struggle and giggled as he walked us through the door.

"Ah, this must be the future Mr and Mrs Potter,"

James slid me off his shoulder, but kept me cradled in his arms as he turned to face the shop keeper. "That would be us, we're here to get the cake so we can make it to the wedding,"

The shop girl eyed James and giggled, twirling her hair slightly. "Poor guy, you must be under a lot of pressure,"

James shrugged and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "It's definitely worth it in the end, what's a few weeks of stress compared to a life time with the most beautiful woman in the world. Is the cake ready?"

"I'll just go get it for you," she told James in a much more professional tone.

I nudged him gently. "Can't take you anywhere can I?"

James chuckled. "You have nothing to worry about Evans, I already got the woman of my dreams, I don't even notice other girls anymore,"

"You trying to get into my pants Mr Potter with flattery?" I mock demanded.

"That depends, is it working?" he replied.

I giggled and smacked him gently before sliding myself out of his arms, but staying close enough for him to wrap himself around me.

The shop girl came back with a trolley with our cake on it, the breath caught in my throat as I saw it; it was perfect.

"Oh Carla, you've really out done yourself this time," I whispered as I moved out of James grasp to inspect the cake fully.

Standing five levels high, white base with chocolate piped around the edges and strawberries and edible flowers decorated around the sides with beautiful decorations all up it; it was sensational enough, however the top of the cake really made it the most amazing thing I had ever seen.

"I will never complain about the wedding ever again," James said as he moved closer. "And when Carla gets married I am her errand bitch,"

I couldn't agree more. On the top of the cake were life like statues of me and James, the mini James was sitting on a broom arms out stretched to catch what would normally be a snitch but instead the mini me was hovering above James, his own personal snitch; his ultimate goal.

"As soon as you cut the cake the figures will move," the sales girl told us. "The guy will catch the girl and she will sit on his lap and they kiss,"

I felt my eyes tear up slightly. "It's perfect, thank you so much. How much do I owe you?"

"It's already been paid for," the girl replied. "Some tall, dark haired, good looking guy came in and paid; it was his idea for the adjustment to the figurines,"

Sirius.

James nodded and patted the girl on the shoulder. "Thank you so much, we'll take it from here, you don't have any magic's to prevent from apparating right?"

The girl glared at James. "Well how else is everyone meant to get their cakes out safely without the muggles noticing or the cake getting ruined?"

"So that's a no on any preventative magic?" James asked with a smirk.

Rolling her eyes the assistant moved out the back and left me and James to ourselves.

"Guess someone slept on their wand the wrong way," James whispered to me loudly.

I giggled. "Shh! Come on, let's get this home, then we better get some rest, big day tomorrow,"

James grinned and ushered me in front of the him by the trolley so he had one arm around me to touch the trolley and the other with his wand.

"Ready…steady…"

The room whirled around us and moments later we were in Sirius's living room, the place cluttered with presents, decorations and people.

"Finally! I was worried you had forgotten about the cake and I was going to have to make it from scratch myself tonight!" Carla burst out, hands on her hips.

I opened my mouth to say something but James was quicker and moved over and pulled Carla in for a big hug.

"Thank you, so much," he whispered to her.

Carla softened immediately and patted James on the back. "Anything for you two, you know that,"

I took this opportunity to go over to Sirius and give him a hug of my own, paired with a kiss on the cheek.

"You big softie, thank you,"

Sirius rubbed my back and blushed slightly. "I just like making you happy, the both of you,"

I patted his cheek affectionately. "You're a good guy Mr Black, the very best,"

Sirius shrugged out of the hug looking slightly uncomfortable about all the eyes on him.

"Well, I think that's enough excitement for one night, you two shouldn't even be around each other, Sirius take James back to Franks so I can get Lily all settled here," Carla instructed.

Sirius saluted her with a smirk and moved over to place his arm on James; shoulder. "Ready Prongs?"

James turned to me with his mega watt smile, lighting up his whole face. "I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning Miss Evans,"

I grinned right back, blowing him a kiss. "It won't be 'Evans' any longer tomorrow,"

James took my hand and kissed it tenderly. "Hallelujah,"


	53. Chapter 53

Hey precious ones,

Arrrgh I'm not completely satisfied with this one but it's driving me crazy re writing it all the time and I feel like I ran out of steam with Lily's side so it's a little chopped but I'm hoping I'm just being a perfectionist and you all enjoy it.

Thanks so much for the continued support from everyone; I can't even find enough words worthy enough for how grateful I am. You are so beautiful.

Worth noting are the always faithful;

Sammiiexoxox, AM23, corkzilla, Jaz1990, XXJAMESLILYXX, DigiNetaChan, shroomy-eyes, -Scp-, The DA is dressed to the nines, TmoVie, hpdreamer500, R8c4a3l, SecretlyAGryffindor, LiLoveheart, HermioneGrangersTwin, joesbaby14, hptwilightlvr, KatieMAGICLove.

I love you. Bless you all. Xx xx xx

* * *

JAMES

Someone was watching me, even with my eyes closed I could tell, could feel their gaze burning into mine. My body tensed as I tried to determine whether it was a friend of foe. I tensed as I felt someone move closer to my bed, sliding my hand under my pillow to grasp my wand so I was prepared for any attack.

As they moved even closer I heard a low sound…was that giggling?

I sighed and then moved quickly, pushing the intruder away and dumping them on the floor..

Sirius looked up at me sheepishly. "Good morning sunshine!"

Definitely foe.

"Sirius, what are you doing here? Leave me alone," I said, rubbing my eyes and turning my back on him, hiking the covers back up.

"I really think you're going to want to wake up mate,"

Impatience dripped through my tone. "Sirius, we went through this last time, naked muggle movies do not qualify as an emergency, go grab Pete,"

"That was like one…maybe five times that I did that and it's so much more important this time,"

I sat up and glared at him. "What? What could be so important? It's two in the morning!"

Sirius jumped up and tackled me onto the bed. "Exactly! You're getting married in three and a half hours dude!"

I pushed Sirius off me and jumped out of bed. "Dude! You were meant to wake me at one!"

Sirius ruffled my hair. "But you're just so adorable when you sleep,"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up! Have you heard from the girls?"

Sirius groaned. "This is our last couple hours together before you become one of "them" and all you can focus on is Evans,"

I grinned. "Mate, I just want that ring on her finger and our names on that contract before she changes her mind, I mean, can you blame me?"

Sirius nudged me. "I got a peek before Lily demanded I make sure you're not late to your own wedding and yeah, I can blame you, you should see the look Carla has in her eyes now every time she looks at me, I swear I'll wake up tomorrow morning dressed in a suit, propped up with her in a white dress smiling at me,"

I burst out laughing. "Pad foot, I realise your child hood was a bit different to all of ours so you didn't learn the proper life skills but I thought you knew the difference between marriage and funerals,"

Sirius ruffled my hair. "Prongs, everyone knows marriage is the only legal form of human slavery they have left,"

I barked out a laugh and pulled him into a head lock, dragging him out to Frank's living room where the boys were waiting.

"I told you, you should have woken him at one," Remus said, not even looking up from his book.

"And I told you it would be more fun for me if I didn't," Sirius replied.

"You're in a head lock," Frank said.

Sirius attempted to shrug. "Am I complaining?"

"What are you reading Moony?" I asked as I messed Sirius's hair up.

"Marriage for dummies?" Sirius asked as he struggled.

Remus grinned. "Yeah, something like that,"

I released Sirius and slid into the seat next to Remus who was actually going through a scrap book with pictures of Sirius and Carla.

"So, do we have breakfast, lunch, dinner? I don't really know the protocol for early morning weddings,"

"I think it's classified as a very early breakfast," Peter replied.

"Better not eat too much Prongs, I think they're trying to feed all of England with the catering for this wedding," Frank warned.

"Give the man a break, he's going to need all the energy he can handle," Sirius said, sitting across from me.

"Sirius, I told you, I don't look at today as a bad thing," I said.

"I'm taking about the honey moon dude, you need to conserve your strength,"

I grinned broadly, unable to stop myself.

"See? He knows it. Get the man some sausages Worm tail,"

Peter pouted. "Why do I have to do it?"

"Because I asked you to," Sirius replied simply.

Peter grit his teeth for a brief glimpse then his face lit up and he bounced off to do as he's told.

"You gotta start being nicer to him," Remus scolded.

"He's alright Moony, you need to stop mothering him, he's like my little pup,"

I rolled my eyes. "Mate, treat someone like a dog and eventually they'll piss on you,"

Sirius groaned. "Alright, alright, I'll go supervise,"

"_Sirius_,"

"_Fine_, I'll go help," Sirius said in exasperation and left the room.

"Our little man's growing up so fast," Remus said sarcastically.

I chuckled. "Yeah, maybe by the time he's twenty five he'll have grasped what being responsible means,"

Frank and Remus both stared at me and I shrugged. "Or not,"

*

After a very early breakfast, I went for a walk outside to clear my head and get some space to myself before all the chaos that was about to take place. It was a beautiful night, clear skies, bright stars, huge moon casting a pearly glow on the ground.

I smiled up at the sky, convinced mum and Lily's dad somehow had something to do with this.

"I love you mum,"

A shooting star burst across the sky and I grinned, lying down on the grass and staring above.

Moments later Onyx came and landed next to me, clipping my fingers affectionately.

"An hour and a half and then I start my own family," I told him as I stroked the top of his head. "I wonder if Evans is as excited as me,"

Taking that as his cue, Onyx lifted his leg where a small piece of parchment had been tied.

_How are your feet feeling boyfriend?_

I grinned, pulled my wand out and scribbled a note back.

**Toasty and warm, wife. I'll see your beautiful face soon.**

I sent Onyx off, and lay back down a content smile on my face, peace filling my whole body. It was going to be a perfect day, I just knew it. There was going to be no fights, no drama, no deaths today, just happiness and love; how every wedding should be.

A small breeze came along and a something papery landed, covering my eyes.

I pulled the parchment off and stared at it confused; it was a wedding invitation. What the hell was it doing here? I flipped it over, thinking Lily might have written on the back of it but there was nothing.

"Hey Jimmy,"

I froze, too scared to move, too scared to ruin the hallucination, if that's what it was.

"Son?"

I slowly raised my head and there standing in front of me was my father.

"Dad?" I asked in a strangely childish voice.

He nodded and smiled at me brightly.

I got to my feet and stared at him, completely speechless, not even entirely sure if I was even awake.

"How are you son? You look good, well you should, you just got the girl of your dreams to agree to marry you without even using a love potion…you didn't use a love potion right?"

I shook my head, still trying to find my voice.

"Good man, it's the Potter gene you know, we're irritatingly irresistible,"

I staggered forward, not quite touching him but needed to be closer. "Dad…I miss you so much,"

The smile disappeared from his face and he looked ready for tears. "I know, I miss you too Jimmy,"

I blinked away the tears that were threatening to break, dropping eye contact with my dad for a moment.

"James, I need you to know how proud I am of you, I challenge another parent to be as proud of their child as I am of you. Your bravery, your strength and common decency is above and beyond what anyone could expect from a trained Aurora, let alone a just graduated young man. I am so, sorry for not being there, the pain you've had to deal with…it's more than any man should have to deal with; but you've done so well. I love you so much Jimmy and you have to know that's never going to change,"

I took a moment to let everything sink in…to understand what he was really trying to tell me.

Before I could reply he began again. "You better go get ready Jimmy, you still have to clean up, if you're late to your own wedding Lily will have your head on a plate,"

"Where are you going?" I asked, panicked.

"I'll be watching my only boy start a family," he told me gently.

"I love you dad," I replied, when I really meant I'll never forger you.

"You're the achievement I'm most proud of James," _Goodbye, I love you._

The tears broke through and I turned away, hiding from dad.

I heard the grass rustle and then warmth spread around me; arms holding me close, comforting me, holding me together. "We'll be waiting,"

"Prongs?"

I opened my eyes and my dad was gone, I was standing alone in the yard.

I spun around to find Sirius walking over; looking distraught.

I hastily wiped away the tears. "What's wrong? The flowers turn out purple instead of red?"

Sirius charged on through and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"Whoa…whoa are you ok?"

"Prongs…it's your dad…the hospital just called,"

I sighed; already knowing what he was going to tell me.

"He…he didn't make it man, he's not going to ever wake up…he's gone,"

I nodded, an unusual sense of calm filling my whole body, I patted Sirius's back and forced a smile. "Not gone mate, never gone. He's where he needs to be, where he's always belonged,"

Sirius wiped away his tears and nodded. "Yeah…yeah you're right,"

"Come on, let's go make ourselves pretty,"

Sirius smiled weakly and began to walk back to the house. "Ok mate, try to keep up. Hey, who were you talking to anyway?"

I smiled and just kept walking; the invitation still clenched in my fist.

*

"Are you ready?"

"Yes Sirius,"

"No, I mean are you _ready_, ready?"

I sighed in impatience. "Sirius, I wasn't aware that there was more than one ready,"

"You know what I mean, I just want to make sure-"

"Open the goddamn door Sirius," I replied curtly.

Sirius grinned; pleased with having irritated me and opened the doors leading to the backyard where the wedding was taking place.

My mouth dropped.

"Wow,"

It was incredible. Clear chairs sat in rows with a ball of light in each of them, partially covered by dark wisps of cloud so each chair had a sunrise in it. Simple lighting had been used with floating glowing stars lining the whole surrounding forest so it felt like we were up with the stars in the sky. Gorgeous white and red bouquets of flowers hung on the chairs and in gorgeous silvery illuminated vases. The walk way leading from the doors to the front of the make shift alter was covered in glowing Lily petals.

It was exactly what Lily would love; simple, elegant and beautiful.

"Pad foot, this is amazing,"

The closer I got the more I realised how much detail had been put into this, the aroma of exotic and beautiful flowers was amazing; the detailing on the chairs; the stars it was just phenomenal. I had the best friends any one could ever ask for.

"As much as I would love to take all the credit for this awesomeness; there was a lot of help involved,"

I shook Sirius's shoulder playfully. "This could possibly be the best day of my life,"

Sirius cleared his throat and I smiled at him. "Besides meeting you of course,"

Sirius batted his eye lashes at me and blew me a kiss. I stuck my finger up in return then took off before he could get hit me.

"Oi!" Sirius called and took off after me.

Just when I thought I was out running him I felt four pours on my back and then I was being pushed to the ground. I could hear growling in my ear, and just as I was waiting for the drool to cover my whole neck a piercing sound broke the air.

"Sirius Orion Black!"

Immediately the pressure ceased from my back and I rolled over to find Dog-Sirius with his head bowed and Carla in a dressing gown, hair and make up done to perfection with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Sirius morphed back but remained sitting with his head bowed. "Just playing around,"

"In your dress robes, right before the wedding?"

"Um…yes?"

Carla sighed. "You're impossible, the guests are going to start arriving any minute and you're treating this like it's Halloween,"

"Sorry babe,"

"You're lucky I planned for this stupidity, go to the garage, there's a good set of robes for you and James down there waiting for you,"

Sirius ventured a look at Carla who still had her arms crossed but her face was softening.

"You look beautiful," he whispered.

Carla giggled and waved his words away. "Wait until you see Lily, now off you both go!"

Sirius and I both scrambled to our feet and set off at a moderate jog towards the house before Carla took one of our heads off.

"What do you reckon? Got myself a keeper?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

I grinned back. "Oh yeah, cute as a kitten that one,"

Sirius burst out laughing. "Just have to work on filing down her claws,"

*

I stood at the back of the forest, waiting for Lily to walk down the isle, waiting for everyone's eyes to be trained on something other than me, waiting to start my future.

"Ready?" Sirius whispered.

I smiled. "_Ready,_ ready,"

"Good, because here they come,"

One by one Carla, Violet and Alice walked down the glowing petal isle in matching champagne coloured dresses with a red sash around the waist and all wearing the same bright smile on their faces.

My hands began to shake with the anticipation, I felt restless; I just wanted to see Lily already; I wanted to hold my wife.

The music changed, my heart beat faster and the double doors opened once more and out came Lily, holding her mum's hand, who was looking frail in her wheel chair as they made their way down the front.

There were no words worthy of her beauty, there was no definition for such perfection. I felt tears begin to pool in my eyes, as I stared at her.

Her dress was white with a red sash around her waist with thin straps, form fitting her body and pooling out around her feet. Her hair was a mass of sexy curls around her face with half of it being pulled back with a gorgeous glinting star secured in the side of her hair. Her eyes have never been so green; her smile has never been so bright; I have never loved her more.

"That's a damn good looking slave driver," Sirius whispered to me.

I grinned, my eyes never leaving Lily's as she finally made her way to the front. With white, bony hands, Mrs Evans pressed Lily's hand into my own.

"Look after my girl," she told me in barely a whisper.

I bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I will spend the rest of my life making her happy ma'am,"

Carla moved forward and wheeled Mrs Evans to the front near the brides maids, before taking her spot again.

Lily put her hand in mine and we faced the front where our minister stood.

"You look pretty," Lily whispered as the minister began to welcome everyone.

"You're beyond beautiful," I whispered back.

I tuned out most of the beginning, getting lost in Lily's bright green eyes as they grew brighter and brighter as pinks and purples began to burst through the sky as the sun began to rise.

"Lily and James have decided to write their own vowels and James is going to start it off,"

I took a deep breath and squeezed Lily's hands.

"I'm not good with public speaking," I began. "So it's not going to be too long and forgive me if I start to cry like a little girl,"

Everyone chuckled a little and Lily grinned.

"Basically, life is not complete with out you in it and as far as i'm concerned, my life starts now; with you by my side. You have always been the girl of my dreams and now that I've got you I realise just how poor my imagination is; you go above and beyond what anyone could ever imagine perfection to be. Love lasts a life time, true love lasts forever…so I'm looking forward to spending my forever with you. I love you so much,"

Lily smiled broadly and wiped at a tear hastily before blowing me a kiss and putting her hand in mine was I could place the two rings on her finger. Once I had put them on Lily grasped my hand again and smiled, the sun just starting to light up her face.

"James," she began and the smirked and corrected herself. "Potter, I have always felt growing up that there was something wrong with me, that I was always cut off from the world; I didn't realise until now that I was just waiting for you to complete me, that you were where I belonged. In life all you need is a reason to wake up in the morning. One reason to keep you going, to give you strength, to keep the bad away. Thank you for being that reason, I love you."

A few tears moved down my face as I beamed at Lily when she put the ring on my finger. A loud sniffle caught my attention and I looked behind me to see Sirius wiping away tears and leaning on Remus who was patting his back reassuringly.

I fought back a chuckle and returned my attention to the minister.

"With their rings, Lily and James have declared their love, if there is any person who believes these two shall not be forever entwined, please speak now or forever hold you peace,"

I looked around at our friends and family who remained silent

I looked at Lily with the early morning sun now warming her face and shining on her beauty and took a deep breath.

LILY

"Wait!"

My eyes snapped to James who had spoken and I felt my heart threaten to shatter, cracks already starting to spread.

"Mr Potter? Is there some problem?"

James grinned and tugged at my waist. "You look hot Evans, just needed to say it one last time,"

My heart spluttered then pounded with a vengeance just as my fist swung out towards James' face, years of practice seemed to work in his favour because for the first time ever he grabbed my hand before it could hit home and pulled me in close, our lips inches apart.

"I love you,"

Before I could press my lips against his he turned his face slightly to the minister. "Can we do the whole kiss the bride thing? I want to kiss Mrs Potter for the first time,"

The minister smiled at us warmly. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife…you may now kiss the bride,"

"About time!" James exclaimed before spinning me and dipping me in his arms before kissing me passionately, earning wolf whistles and cheers from the crowd.

James swung me back up, but still in his arms and high fived Sirius, whose eyes were still looking a little red.

Our guests all clapped and cheered, not one smile missing from anyone's face. I looked to the sky where the sun had now risen, pinks, purples, oranges, blues all fused together to create quite possibly the most beautiful sunrise ever; the most promising beginning.

I smiled so big I thought my jaw might break because I knew this was a sign of only good to come.

"Now that the business end is done, let's party!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling me out of James' arms and twirling me around in a circle.

I giggled and beat on his shoulders half heartedly. "Let me down Sirius, you're going to wrinkle my dress,"

Sirius pinched my cheeks playfully. "Evans, you could be in a sack and Prongs would fall on his knee declaring you his sun,"

Familiar, warm arms pulled me away from Sirius and kept me close. "That's Mrs Potter to you buddy, keep your hands off,"

Sirius raised his hands in mock surrender and backed away slowly towards Carla.

I spun around so I was facing James and ran my hands through his hair. "Mrs Potter huh?"

James pressed his forehead against mine. "Forever,"

"Come on you two, you'll have plenty of time to be alone after the wedding is done, you're going to miss your own party if you keep this up and I want a dance with Mrs Potter,"

I released James and wrapped my arms around Remus. "You'll definitely get a dance Remus,"

"Congratulations to you both," Frank said who had flanked Remus.

"Oh my god you guys are so adorable!" Violet said, bouncing up and down.

"Definitely the second hottest couple out there," Alice said slyly.

I giggled and wrapped my arms around Violet, Alice and Carla who had just joined. "We're clearly the hottest girls that have ever graced this planet,"

"Ladies, you're being very anti social," Sirius scolded, gesturing to the guests that were chatting amongst themselves to the back yard that had been transformed in the few minutes we'd be preoccupied.

The chairs had been transformed into cloud shapes floating by lines of tables with silver table cloths, the lights had been taken away now that the sun was shining. Silver and red decorations were placed around the tables, vases of gorgeous flowers lined the tables, and now the stars had been changed to rainbows that hung above everyone.

It was beautiful.

I took James hand and we walked to the main table where the bridal party would be sitting. The main table was just like the smaller ones except we had beautiful crystal ornaments on our table that turned different colours ever so often.

"Isn't this the most amazing wedding ever?" I whispered to James.

"We are definitely the most fortunate people when it comes to those closest to us," James replied.

I looked over and saw Professor Dumbledore smiling at us and waved at him excitedly, Dumbledore sent over a dove that nestled against my cheek.

"Everyone, could I have your attention please?" James asked, standing up.

Within moments to rooms noise dulled to silence.

"I just really wanted to say thank you so much for getting up at this crazy hour and supporting mine and Lily's love. I can't tell you how much it means to the both of us to have the people we care most about here; it's been a hard year and there are some people that aren't here that should be, however, it's times like these that make it all worth it. If love, freedom and happiness aren't something to fight for, then what is? Again, thank you all so much for coming, we love you so, so much. Enjoy!"

As James finished speaking plates filled the table filled with bacon, sausages, hash browns, eggs, pancakes, fruit, muffins and many other delicious treats.

"We love you too mate!"

"You're welcome,"

"To Lily and James!"

Cheers from different people erupted the air again and I nestled in closer to James; basking in the best moment of my life so far.

"Hungry?" James asked me.

"Starving," I replied honestly. "Carla didn't let me eat anything this morning in case I ruined my appetite,"

James chuckled and took my plate and began to fill it with all my favourite things.

"Ooo good service, I like it,"

James winked at me. "Better get used to is Mrs Potter, only the best for my lady,"

I giggled slightly. "Mrs Potter, Lily Potter, I kind of like it,"

James took my hand and pressed his lips to the top of it. "I kind of love it,"

"Are you going to be like this from now on?" Peter asked in mock disgust.

I blew him a kiss just as James told him to get used to it.

"If you told me seven years ago I would be sitting at Lily and James Potters wedding I would have laughed in your face," Violet said.

Carla scoffed. "Come off it, these two have been hot for each other for years, the whole cat and mouse game was just a sexual prelude,"

I rolled my eyes and blushed. "Eat your food Carla,"

Carla winked. "Sure Lils, I'm saving it all for the speech anyway,"

I groaned and leaned into James.

"Think of it this way love, Carla is doing your speech _Sirius_ is doing mine,"

I smiled at James. "That does make me feel better,"

*

"Speeches everybody, speeches!" Sirius called, using his wand to make it voice louder.

I stayed where I was in James lap and looked up at Sirius expectantly.

"My beautiful, talented, amazing girlfriend is going to go first,"

"What do you think? Angling for a shag tonight?" James whispered in my ear.

"Shh," I replied with a little giggle, looking over at Carla.

"Hello everybody, for those of you that don't know me I'm one of Lily's best friend's Carla. I've known Lily since the first year at Hogwarts, in fact, I've known James since the first year at Hogwarts, well at least heard his name a million times. I remember clearly the first time Lily came storming into our dorm room, fuming after James Potter had just asked her out. At first I thought he must be some kind of loser and had made an enemy in Lily, but then every single day at least six times a day we would all hear about James Potter and his failed attempts with Lily.

Second year she storms into the dorm after James has tried to kiss her and her cheeks are pink. "I hate him," she says. "You're going to get married," I replied. Of course that started Lily off on another tirade of how she would rather die than marry him, well Lils, I'm looking at you and you seem to be alive and well so I'm going to assume love got to you in the end,"

I smiled and shrugged at her, Carla continued.

"Through the years, I have come to know Lily very well, come to see how beautiful, kind, gentle, passionate and humble she is. I have watched her grow into one of the most beautiful women ever with so much potential for an amazing future. In these years I have watched James grow with Lily as well until they ended up growing together so they are almost one now. It makes me so proud to stand here today and see my best friend glowing with happiness; it makes me even prouder to see her end up with a guy that loves her as much as we do. I'm going to start getting emotional soon, so I'm just going to leave it with I can't think of another couple that deserve this happiness as much and Lily and James and I'm so honoured to have even met either of them,"

I wiped at the tears just breaking through and got up to hug Carla tightly.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Love you," she replied, before letting go and taking her place next to Sirius again, who was already standing.

"Beautiful isn't she? Well, I have known James here from day one really and from day one we've been partners in crime, I can almost guarantee you we've spent almost as much time in detention then we have in class. We played by our own rules, then proceeded to break them. I knew I could count on James if I was ever in trouble and he knew I had his back to. Our first fight was fought together, our first holiday was together, our first prank was together. To put it simply, Prongs is the closest thing to family I have and he has always treated me like a brother and done anything in his power to help me. Simply put; we know way too much about each other to ever be enemies.

Now, seeing as I've known James for almost a decade now; I have a lot of stories I can tell you. Some would probably get us arrested, some we will take to our graves and some are just too crazy for anyone to believe. Now, I've thought long and hard about what to say to you all and I've decided on the top five moments of James and Lily to share with you. In no particular order, here we go..

Number one would be the time James hid in the girls dorm, hoping to catch Lily off guard and scare her into saying yes to him…this resulted in a broken nose.

Number two is James accidentally switching his letter to Lily with the one he had written to Severus Snape in which he had written an essay on why Snape should leave Hogwarts and hide his face from society… a week in the hospital wing for a mysterious illness that seemed to sprout huge pus filled boils all over James…private areas.

Number three would be our fourth year Christmas holidays; James forced me, Moony and Worm tail to help him figure out how to use muggle technology so we could figure out how to locate where Lily lived, we spent weeks trying to figure it out, thinking it must have been something important if he needed to see her so bad. Once we had finally found out where she lived and told James he took off…naturally we followed him. Do you know why he wanted to find out where she lived? So he could leave flowers on her window sill every morning, so even on the gloomiest days; she woke up to something beautiful.

Number four is James pleading his case to Dumbledore about making him head boy so he could finally have a chance to get closer to Lily and secure a happy future. Guess those weeks of consistent begging really paid off huh Prongs?

And number five is tonight; this moment right here…after seven years of watching Lily and James skirt around their feelings, standing here and watching them so in love and so happy is something that is going to be a favourite moment of mine for the rest of my life.

It hasn't always been easy, there's been a lot of bruises and hurt ego's, lots of obstacles and pain but right in front of you is proof of true love and happy endings and I…"

Sirius broke off as he got a little choked up and had to compose himself.

"I am just so proud of you both. You bring not only me but each and every one of us hope that there are happy endings out there; that love is stronger than anything else and that if you refuse to leave a woman alone to the point of borderline stalking; you too can land one of the hottest babes ever. James has always been a brother to me and tonight, I am more than thrilled…it's my complete privilege to welcome a sister into my life too. May you live a long and loving life together, to Lily and James,"

As everyone toasted to James and I, James moved up to envelop Sirius in a massive bear hug, a few tears in his eyes too.

"The new couple are going to share their first dance together now," Sirius croaked out as he still wiped tears away.

James took my hand and led me to the makeshift dance floor that had wispy clouds across it, to give the illusion that we were walking on air.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder as we rotated slowly on the floor.

"Beautiful wedding huh?" I asked.

"With you as the bride I didn't expect anything less than perfect," he replied.

"Thank you…for being so patient with me for all these years," I whispered.

"Lils, haven't you realised by now? There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, I love you more than anything,"

Together we moved slowly around the floor, our loved ones beaming at us as they watched. I snuggled closer to James and with the sun shining down on us; I could have sworn we were flying.


	54. Chapter 54

Hello pretty people :D

Another chapter for you, bit of a filler this time, but they can't all be block busters can they? I'm hoping Valentines day was amazing whether you have a significant other or not, remember that as long as you have someone to love you; family, friend etc you have a Valentine.

To those amazing reviewers whom i owe more than I can say: Malala94, riptride, Yumi Stern, Gadhudaj, Adorkably Adorkable, R8c4a3l, hello-goodbye146, ravenclawLupin11, XXJAMESLILYXX, missgeorgeweasley, , joesbaby14, -Scp-, T149Man, The DA is dressed to the nines, KatieMAGICLove, TmoVie, Itz Gideon, bunnyhog, Opa12, Liisupzz, hptwilightlvr.

Thank you. I say it alot but really. I owe you so much. I love you.

This chapter is for; AidenFuzzySocks  
For taking the time to individually review my chapters. You are a sweet heart and i'm sending smiles and love your way.

* * *

JAMES

This was the life. I mean, could anything be any better than lying in the warmth, with palm trees around me, the most beautiful goddess beside me whilst sipping drinks out of a coconut?

"Finally," Lily murmured as she readjusted her bikini top. "It feels like it's taken forever for this day to come,"

"Lils, I doubt we would have had a good marriage if we hadn't even gotten a honeymoon,"

Lily grinned wickedly. "Yeah, life would have been _pretty_ hard for you if we hadn't, and I wouldn't have provided any help,"

I clutched my chest in mock pain. "Mrs Potter!"

Lily winked at me before sipping on her fruity cocktail.

"Speaking of honeymoon…I was thinking maybe we could go and honey up our moon," I said fiddling my eyebrows suggestively.

Lily rolled her eyes at me. "'Honey our moon?' What the hell does that even mean?"

I sighed. "I guess that's a no then,"

Lily giggled and wiggled a little in her swim suit, so her already exposed flesh threatened to burst out of the skimpy bits of cloth that clung to her.

"You are the devil incarnate," I told her as my eyes popped wide.

Lily smiled innocently at me. "I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about Mr. Potter,"

"Is that right Mrs Potter?" I asked.

"Yep,"

I smirked and pulled her chaise closer to mine and then swung myself onto her chair, pinning her underneath my body.

Lily giggled as she struggled to pull herself free.

"It appears you're in a bit of a bind," I said cheekily.

Lily looked up at me, eyes full of love and turned her head to bite into my arm.

"Ouch!" I cried out as I moved my arm out of instinct, giving Lily the break she needed to slither out of my grasp and dump me on the floor before pouncing on top of me, pinning my arms with her hands.

"It appears you're in a bit of a bind," she told me mockingly.

I grinned and relaxed under her grip. "You do realise if I wanted to, I could have you trapped under me in about five seconds, the fact that I'm lying here under you, is because I want to be,"

Lily tightened her hold on my wrists. "I think you're just a bit masochistic, you just don't like or want to admit the fact that a girl could beat you,"

I smirked up at her. "Is that your final answer?"

Lily stared me down. "Oh Potter, are you trying to intimidate me? That's so cute!"

I grinned. "I tried to warn you…"

"What? Are you actually going to do the count down thing? Here, I'll do it for you, I'm not sure you could handle the multi tasking. Ready? One…two…three…what's the matter? Giving up already? You're not even trying,"

I just smiled peacefully at Lily and waited until she got to four before swiftly rolling on top of her, pinning my knees on either side of hers so she couldn't move, holding both wrists in one hand whilst cupping her cheek with the other.

"Lily, are you forgetting who I have as a best friend?"

Lily smiled slyly. "Oh right, I forgot about you and Sirius' 'special friendship', tell me, how many hours did you spend figuring out who was gonna pin who?"

"I resent that!"

Lily and I both jumped and then froze as the familiar voice burst from a few meters away from us.

Lily closed her eyes and grit her teeth. "Please, _please_ tell me that's not Sirius I can hear,"

I looked up at Sirius who was standing by the door, a sheepish expression on his face.

"Um…I can be whoever you want to be?" he said, voice getting higher at the end of the sentence as if it was posed as a question.

Lily grunted and pushed me off her, glaring at me furiously. "Are you serious right now? Five months James, _five months_ before we could even find any time for a honey moon, and even then it was in our basement with illusions so we felt like we were actually somewhere tropical. I know I can over react at the best of times and that my temper is on a short fuse, but I am right in being upset this time James, this time I am well within my rights to be pissed off."

As Lily's voice got louder and angrier, the palm trees, the warmth, the sand and the view of the ocean disappeared and in its place was a simple basement, with a boxes all around us.

I sighed deeply and tried to find the right words that weren't going to get a curse thrown at my head.

"You have every right to be furious love, you have every right to everything you are feeling right now. I am sorry, I know this wasn't the plan, I know this isn't fair on you and I know you deserve better. I don't know how, but I will make it up to you, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it,"

Lily softened slightly before her face hardened again and she pushed me roughly further away from her. "You make it impossible to stay mad, do you know that?"

I shrug, not really knowing what to say back to that.

It's not until Sirius clears his throat that I remember he was the reason for the change of mood. I whip around to face him, my tone dripping with acid.

"What is it you want Sirius?"

Sirius looked as though he hadn't seen me; instead he was staring at Lily in her skimpy swim suit.

"Evans…I mean Lily…wow, who knew you could fill a suit so nicely? I mean…just…wow,"

Lily's eyes flashed and before Sirius could recover from his temporary lapse in sanity Lily had thrown both glasses at his head, wrapped a towel around her body and stormed out of the room.

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. Keeping my eyes closed I finally addressed Sirius.

"I'm praying for your sake there was a really good reason for your intrusion,"

Sirius replied quickly. "There's been an attack, I'm sorry to have to break up the love fest but you're needed…Lily's not going to kill me right?"

"What exactly happened? And I don't think she'll kill you, but you probably shouldn't sleep too soundly just in case,"

"Shit, I knew I should have sent Carla down… Anyway, there's been a series of muggle attacks all over the country, they're staging them at the same times so that we're spread thin, Dumbledore requires you and the missus come and help the Prewett boys and myself check out a place in the city,"

"What's the problem?" I asked as I began to dress myself and head out of the basement.

"The muggle enforcers have been called to investigate a couple's sink fireplace that has been sprouting green flames and has nearly burnt down the whole neighbourhood; the couple is still missing and no one can get close enough or figure out how to put out the flames,"

I groaned. "I will _kill_ the Death eaters for this, I will tear them a new hole and make them regret the day they ever came and screwed up my goddamn honey moon!"

Sirius clapped me on the back. "That's the spirit mate, go get them,"

"Alright, where are we meeting the boys?"

Sirius looked confused. "Aren't we taking Lily?"

I raised an eyebrow. "You really want her to be armed and in the same area as you when an 'accident' can easily happen?"

Fear filled Sirius' eyes. "Yeah, you're right, she can hang out with Carla, cool off a bit,"

I laughed. "Scared of a little woman huh Pad foot?"

Sirius stared at me solemnly. "Prongs, there's a reason she's got red hair alright? It's not to accentuate those pretty green eyes, it's a huge warning sign to anyone stupid enough to cross her,"

"Stupid like you, you mean?" I joked.

"Says the guy that she perfected her curse skills on,"

"Says the man who just married her," I corrected. "Where's Worm tail and Moony anyway?"

"Defusing a situation with some imperiused muggles on the outskirts of London with Frank and Alice,"

"_Pete_ is helping defuse?"

Sirius shrugged. "He's doing the best he can mate, maybe this is what he needs to man up a bit,"

"Yeah, maybe. At leas he's got Frank and Moony to watch his back,"

"And Alice," Sirius added. "No need to be sexist mate,"

I chuckled. "Man, you should hear yourself, Carla has done wonders with you,"

"We going to have witty banter all day or are we going to bring down some bad guys with our bad arse moves?"

I smirked. "Which one do you think?"

"Good choice. Alright, take hold, and I'll get us to the boys,"

"We're not going to say goodbye first?" I asked.

"Nah, better to just sneak out now then face the firing squad," Sirius replied.

"Alright then, let's go,"

"And where exactly do you think you're going?"

My blood ran cold.

Firing squad it is then.

LILY

I stood with my arms crossed over my chest, dressed for fighting now and staring at Sirius and James who were frozen in place.

"Oh hey beautiful, gotta say I prefer the other outfit to this one," James said nervously.

"Cute," I replied coldly. "Now, feel like explaining just what the hell you two are up to?"

"It's for Dumbledore don't curse us!" Sirius burst out.

"For Dumbledore?" I asked.

"Yeah, there's been some attacks," Sirius rushed on. "Everyone's spread super thin so we need James to come help us check something out, I promise it shouldn't take too long, no one from our side will be hurt and I _will_ somehow find a way to make up this afternoon to you,"

"Alright," I said simply. "Where are we headed?"

"_We?_" Sirius asked.

I stared at him incredulously. "You didn't honestly think I was going to sit around and play house did you? I didn't join the order to just look pretty in the photo's, I'm here to fight too, so point the way,"

"But…don't you want to stay with Carla?"

"You said it wasn't going to take long and no one would get hurt, so what's the big deal? She won't be alone with Violet here anyway and we'll be home before long anyway, right?"

Sirius shook off his shock and resumed his cocky attitude. "Yeah Evans, sure, come along for the ride,"

"It's Mrs Potter now," James reminded him sharply.

"Dude, she will always be Evans, Mrs Potter sounds weird,"

"It sounds perfect," James told him matter-of-factly, taking my hand.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, rainbows and puppy dogs," Sirius said with a roll of his eyes. "We're wasting time, hold on and let's go,"

I smiled at Sirius and placed my hand on his arm. "Come on fearless leader, take us to the battlefield,"

Sirius made an annoyed sound in his throat and then we were standing on soft grass, the air thick with smoke.

"Oh wow," I said, trying to cover my mouth so I didn't inhale too much smoke.

"Oh yeah, forgot to mention the particulars didn't I?" Sirius said as he charmed a bubble around his mouth for easier breathing.

I eyed his bubble, a little shocked he was capable of such magic and then before I knew it I had my own bubble of oxygen.

I jumped a little shocked at the sudden fresh air I experienced and looked over to see Sirius chuckling.

"You're welcome Evans,"

"It's Mrs Potter," James and I said in unison.

Sirius waved away our protests and moved forward through the smoke to the house it was coming from.

James and I trailed behind him, coming to a stop at the front entrance where Fabian and Gideon were waiting.

"How's it all going?" James asked, sexy in his serious mode.

Fabian nodded towards the house that was steadily burning. "We've managed to keep the muggles at bay for now, they are sending their fire brogant or something to take a look so we're going to need to be quick-"

"Fire brigade," I interrupted.

Fabian raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"That's what the fire service for muggles is called…"

I felt stupid having spoken so let myself trail off.

Picking up where Fabian left off, Gideon took over. "We think it might be fiend fyre, but they've managed to contain it to this house only, who ever created it must have been pretty powerful, usually this sort of dark magic is beyond controllable,"

"So, getting in is…?" I asked.

"A necessity but a dangerous one,"

" Suicidal mission? Sign me up!" Sirius said cheerfully.

James elbowed him and turned to the boys. "What about the muggles?"

"No sign of them, not even any screams,"

"Is it possible they escaped?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

Gideon shook his head sadly. "I don't think so,"

"Well we need to get in there then," I said loudly. "We need to save them!"

James placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "We're going to try our hardest ok love? But we can't sacrifice our lives for people who may or may not be in there or be alive, we need to be smart about this ok?"

I nodded, adrenaline running through my veins. "Yeah, you're right, ok,"

James smiled at me tenderly and then turned back to the brothers. "Alright, do we have any idea where the fire is worst and what our best point of entry is?"

Gideon pointed to the top floor of the house, the room just above the garage. "I think that's our best shot at entry and exit, but the problem is going to be fitting through the window, finding a safe passage down stairs and how many areas of the house are completely engulfed in flames; this fire doesn't just burn, it incinerates so we need to be as careful as possible."

"I'll go first," I volunteered.

"No," James and Sirius said as one.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not some delicate flower,"

Sirius smirked. "Aren't you, _Lily_?"

I grunted in frustration. "Shut up Sirius. It makes sense, I'm the lightest so I'll be able to get up quickest and the slimmest so I can slide through the half open window without any issues,"

"She has a point," Fabian said grudgingly.

"But," Gideon added. "You get inside, you open the door and you wait for us before anything else happens, got it?"

I nodded, satisfied with the compromise.

*

As I climbed in the window, I was overwhelmed but heat, smoke, and the stench of burning flesh. Even with the bubble mask on I was still having trouble breathing in the thick, black smog that seemed to cover my throat, my lung and my whole body.

I yanked the window up as far as it could go after a few attempts and beckoned for the boys to follow on.

"Oh my god, what is that smell?" Sirius asked as soon as he landed in the room.

"Burning flesh," I replied grimly. "Let's not waste time, come on,"

Slowly we all moved around the room, almost blindly until Gideon's wand lit up, creating some sort of light to ease our path a bit.

As soon as we'd exited the room and were out in the hallway, the heat was almost unbearable and red, purple and bright orange smoke clouded our vision. From what I could tell, half the house was collapsed on itself, a magic invisible barrier keeping it from burning down the backyard too.

"Is there anyway we can put out the fire?" James asked.

"Too advanced for us," Gideon replied. "Dumbledore is on his way though,"

We crept on in silence, carefully moving from room to room until finally, we heard a soft whimper in the room on the bottom floor, the room that just happened to have the most of the fiend fyre.

"We split up," Fabian said stiffly. "There will need to be medical assistance for those that go in that room, and I doubt the stairs are going to hold up much longer,"

Before I could open my mouth James had cut through. "Me and Lily will go since I know there's no stopping her and there's no way in hell she's going without me,"

Gideon grimaced slightly. "I thought as much, I will go too, Fabian and Sirius can wait outside and try to keep the muggles from entering,"

"But I want to stay too," Sirius said petulantly.

"That's not an option," Gideon said briskly and moved past Sirius to grab mine and James arm and pull us along with him.

"You die you bastard and I swear I'll set Molly on you once I bring you back to life," Fabian called out.

For the first time I saw a huge grin cross Gideon's face as he crept to the top of the stairs.

"I don't think this is going to hold us all," Gideon said softly before swiftly jumping over the banister and landing on his feet below, before buckling to his knees.

"Jesus," I whispered. "He's like superman or something,"

"What?" James asked.

"Nothing," I replied as I took my first step onto the top step. "If it collapses you don't worry about me, you just get the hell out," I instructed James as I moved down another five steps.

"Sure honey, like that's really going to happen," James called back to me, just as I jumped seven steps to land on my hands and knees on the bottom floor next to Gideon.

Within seconds James had reached us; just before the stair case collapsed and burst into flames.

"Let's go," James said, his cheek slightly burnt.

Without hesitation we all hurried to the main room…and stopped dead at what we saw.

The muggle couple were both sitting on the couch, frozen in positions of reading the paper and watching television. It was clearly magic that held them in place because the womans face was contorted in pain as the flames licked and hissed at her body; blisters forming all over her whilst her partner lay still, completely engulfed in flames, skin blistering off his bones.

I turned away and threw up the few cocktails I had at the graphic and horrible sight in front of me.

James held my hair back whilst Gideon stood in front in a protective stance.

"We have to go," Gideon said as the rood began to cave in and the fire began to slither towards us.

"We can't help them now."

Tears fell down my cheeks, and I felt numb and my brain began to shut off from the horror in front of me.

"Who could do such a thing?"

"Horrible human beings I am afraid Mrs Potter,"

I snapped my head around to find Dumbledore eyeing the flames wearily, although his stance was strong and powerful.

"Sir, is there anything we can do? Can we get them to a hospital or something?"

Dumbledore shook his head sadly as he began to engage in battle with the fierce fire. "I'm afraid it is beyond anyone's control now, all you can do is give me one less thing to worry about and get yourselves out safely,"

Waving his wand in an extravagant manor and pointing it at the wall closest to us; Dumbledore gave us a safe exit as the fire was pushed aside from the wall.

"Go now," Dumbledore commanded.

Finding some hidden strength inside me, I quickly ran out of them room and bent over once outside, coughing all the grit from my lungs.

James lay on the grass beside me, looking absolutely exhausted.

"You guys alright?" Sirius asked in concern as he took my face in his hands and inspected my for damage.

"I hate them," I told Sirius quietly. "I didn't believe in pure evil until now, they need to be stopped, they _have_ to be stopped,"

Sirius pulled me into his warm embrace and patted my hair. "They will be Lily, I'm going to make sure of it, and if they take me down, I'm taking some down with me,"

"The only person taking you down will be Carla if we're not home for dinner," James said through coughs.

Sirius winced. "She does have a temper to rival this fire inside,"

"Should we be leaving Dumbledore?" I asked. "What about the fire brigade?"

"We will stay for that," Fabian said kindly. "You get some rest,"

"You need some rest too," I protested. "I'll call your sister and tell her you haven't been looking after yourselves if I find out you're not home and relaxing in the next two hours,"

Gideon smiled at me and I was suddenly struck by just how good looking both brothers were; how gentle their smiles were and how much strength they held in their eyes.

"We won't be here much longer," Fabian promised. "Look, Dumbledore is making good work,"

We looked over at the house which was now smouldering more than burning brightly.

"Let's head home and get Carla," Sirius said as he ruffled James' hair. "Then we have a surprise for you."

I tried to suppress the urge to groan; hadn't we had enough surprises?

*

I walked uneasily; Sirius's hands still firmly covering my eyes as he led me forward into God only knew where.

"Sirius, this isn't going to be a porn shop or anything right?" I asked uneasily.

"Is that some sort of muggle reference I'm expected to know?" he replied.

I giggled to myself, the thought of a teenage boy not knowing what porn was pretty amusing to me.

"Just forget it, do I get to see what's going on before I lose my eyesight?" I asked.

"Patience princess, you don't hear your lover arguing do you?"

I grinned. "I've stamped out the rebellion in him Sirius,"

"Like hell you have love," James piped up from behind me. "I've just learnt to pick my battles,"

"If that helps you sleep at night," I replied lightly.

"Do I need to put you two in separate corners?" Carla asked as she no doubt led James to the final destination.

"No ma'am," James replied.

I giggled but kept my mouth shut.

"Good girl," Sirius told me. "You're learning. Ok…get ready, I'm about to remove my hand,"

"Let's hope my eyes still work,"

"Don't be so dramatic," Sirius scolded before removing his hand.

The breath caught in my throat, and tears formed behind my eyes. We were standing in a beautiful bed room, lit only by candle light, with roses and lilies spread all over the room and bed; a hot steaming bath with a bottle of bubbly in ice beside it in the bathroom leading off from the bedroom.

Framed photo's of James and me from school days until our wedding hung around the room.

"Sirius, where is this?" I asked in barely a whisper.

"It's yours," he replied simply. "This is the Potter's holiday home and now it's yours. We all pitched in, in decorating the house but I did this room…I know you guys wanted the perfect honeymoon and it didn't end up happening so I thought maybe this could make up for it…even just a little bit. We've taken you both of rotation too so you have a full week to yourselves here,"

"Oh Sirius," I gasped, as a single tear fell down my cheek. "I'm not going to have to kill you after all,"

Sirius chuckled and wrapped his arm around my waist. "I love you too… Mrs Potter,"


	55. Chapter 55

Hello my little rays of sunshine :)

So sorry it took so long; had my wisdom teeth out so needless to say I've been out of action for awhile.

Bit of an average chapter for you and yet another filler, but I assure you it will pick up soon, please don't give up hope yet!

As always this story would never get written without the continued support of the most wonderful people ever; IluvDTLandGeeNicks, lucy!, xXx-Voldy's-Gone-Moldy-xXx, sissam93, HermioneGrangersTwin, XXJAMESLILYXX, missyca23, SecretlyAGryffindor, Gadhudaj, Akt5us, joesbaby14, hello-goodbye146, The DA is dressed to the nines, missgeorgeweasley, Opa12, TmoVie, AidenFuzzySocks, Loveheartx, hptwilightlvr, Itz Gideon, Malala94, shroomy-eyes.

Thank you. Thank. You. THANK YOU! Honestly. You all rock :D xxx Love you

* * *

JAMES

The book barely missed my head as it smacked loudly against the wall, zipping right by the side of my face.

"Damnit!" I cursed as I ducked the next book.

"I cannot believe you did that!" Lily screamed at me.

"Lily can you keep it down?" I hissed. "We do have neighbours you know,"

"Let them hear!" she shrieked. "Let the whole world know, I married a tactless, ignorant buffoon!"

"Buffoon?" I asked incredulously. "How the hell did I go from being the love of your life to a damn buffoon?"

"You know what you did!"

I sighed, smiling slightly. "Are you sure you didn't just dream it like last time and are angry at me for _your_ imagination?"

Lily stared me down furiously and the smile was immediately wiped from my face. "Nope, my mistake, I definitely did something wrong. Love…do you think you could let me know what I've done wrong?"

Another book soared my way which I only just managed to duck.

"Incredible!" Lily said hotly. "Absolutely incredible,"

"And this is a bad incredible right?"

Another searing look.

"Yep, definitely a bad thing. I'm sorry, if that helps,"

"You don't even know what you're sorry for,"

"Yes I do!"

"What then?"

"Making you so angry you feel the need to ruin perfectly innocent books by throwing them at my head,"

Lily grunted in frustration and threw her hands up in the air. "You told my _dying_ mother that we were in a magical near death fire the other night! Are you trying to kill her?"

I sighed; finally understanding her anger. "She asked me a question, what else was I meant to say when she asked how we'd gotten so burnt? I was just being honest I didn't think it would be a problem; I'm sorry,"

"That _is_ the problem!" Lily insisted. "You _never_ think, everything is just a joke to you, everything is just all flowers and rainbows. We are in a war, you have lost both your parents, I'm about to lose both of mine, who knows if any of us are even going to be around this time next year, we don't even know if this is a war that's ever going to end; and yet you are oblivious to this, you just continue on, oblivious to the pain of others!"

Anger burst through every vein in my body and I stalked forward and grabbed Lily's shoulders. "Is that what you think? That I don't see pain? That I don't _care_? I see it; I see pain every single day when I have to look in your eyes, I see pain when I go for a walk and see the flowers wilting, I see pain when I hang out with my mates and we all fight for conversation that doesn't involve the order, or the people that should be there that aren't. What do you want me to do? Fall down and cry? Give up on life? Give you more reasons to be stressed?"

I began to shake her shoulders, not roughly, but in a firm way to get her attention.

"I am sorry if I upset your mother and I am sorry if I upset you, but I will never apologise for trying to survive this awful war and I will never apologise for trying to make this world a slightly less dark place for you to live in!"

Acting on impulse, Lily slapped me and I pushed her against the wall and without thinking pressed my lips against hers, pouring all my frustration, pain, pent un aggressing into the kiss. Lily roughly pulled my hair and slipped her hand under my robes; raking my back as she pulled me closer.

My skin was on fire in every place she touched me, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach as the passion peaked to new highs we'd never experienced before.

Placing my hand under her butt I lifted her up and immediately Lily wrapped her legs around my waist as I moved us towards the bed.

Although there was still anger running through my veins and so much passion fuelling this moment, I was gentle as I placed her on the pillows, cautious that I didn't knock any of her burns or bruises.

"I still hate you," Lily told me with a coy little smile as she pulled my robe up over my head.

I smiled smugly as her eyes lingered on my chest and abs, her small, delicate hands tracing over them before raking across them in such a rough, hot way, my head lolled back slightly.

Lily smiled a little smugly herself before I latched onto her lips once more, pressed so close together I felt our souls could almost touch.

Slowly, I pulled her dress up her thighs, then over her waist, before Lily, impatient with how slow I was going ripped it from my clutches and tossed it over her head onto the floor.

I grinned and pushed her hair out of her face and behind her ears. "Slow down turbo,"

Lily smiled and gave me a very gentle kiss on the lips. "It's full steam ahead from here on out Potter, maybe you just can't handle it,"

"Handle it? Pfft, handle_ this_,"

Sucking on her ear softly, I traced circles on her lower stomach at the same time causing Lily to gasp out loud and arch her back slightly.

Without pausing I moved down her neck, suckling softly as I moved towards her collar bone and lower.

"Mmm…maybe I don't _really_ hate you," Lily whispered, before pulling at the waistband of my boxers.

I smiled as she slowly, teasingly took her bra off and threw it so it landed on my head.

With my whole body buzzing at such an intensity, I couldn't hold back and stay gentle any longer, giving into my animalistic side, I let myself fall into Lily's arms and into her body.

With a little gasp and soft moan Lily arched her back and began to move her hips up to meet mine, so each thrust was felt ten fold for both of us.

"Uh…James?" Lily asked, her eyes shut and lips slightly parted.

"Uh uh?" I responded, trying to settle my breathing down.

"I…love…you,"

I smiled and pecked her forehead affectionately. "Love you…more,"

With her hair fanned out around the pillows, cheeks slightly flushed and her eyes half closed in ecstasy, Lily had never looked so sexy to me.

I bit my lip down hard to stop from yelling out as Lily wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me closer and deeper.

Our rhythm picked up, our bodies pressed closer, lips searched hungrily, nails clawed skin until together we soared to the heavens and back again with each other as we climaxed.

I rolled off Lily and lay, breathing heavy, staring up at the ceiling.

"You stuck my stars on the ceiling," I said with a smile.

Lily shuffled closer and lay her head on my chest. "Yeah, I like that we get clear skies every night in here, no clouds, no rain, always shining stars,"

I kissed her forehead and basked in the beautiful silence.

"So, I guess that was our first big fight as a married couple," Lily said sheepishly.

I smiled slightly. "Yeah, you want to elaborate on that a bit for me?"

Lily sighed and absently traced lines and circles on my chest. "I'm scared of losing my mum, I'm scared of being alone and when you brought up the fire and mum's heart machine started to beep frantically, it just smacked me hard in the face that my fears are becoming reality and none of us know how much time we have left and I guess I may have over reacted just a little bit,"

"Just a little?" I asked with a smirk.

"Hey! I'm trying to apologise here!"

"How rude of me, please continue,"

"Thank you. Anyway, reality sucks and I took it out on you so I'm sorry,"

I pulled Lily in closer. "That's ok love, I didn't just marry you for your perks, I married you for your flaws as well and I love you as you are, temper and over reactions included,"

Lily smiled brightly. "I really am undeserving…but hey look on the bright side, we got makeup sex,"

I chuckled softly. "And no Sirius interrupting our mini-moon,"

Lily sighed sadly. "How much longer do we have before we really have to go back and face the music?"

"Two days," I replied just as sad.

"Do you think there's anyway we can just freeze this moment and live in it forever?"

"I'm sure there is, but I wouldn't want to anyway?"

Lily pulled away slightly; hurt. "Why not?"

"Because love, the best is yet to come. I want to have little Potter's running around driving us mad, I want to spoil you for our anniversaries, I want hot, sweaty sex not just when you're angry but just because we love each other, I want my whole life to be lived with you and we can't very well do that while we're in this moment can we?"

Lily kissed my chest gently. "No, I suppose not. Still, it's a really nice idea isn't it?"

"It sure is Mrs Potter,"

Lily giggled. "Mrs Potter, that's still so weird to hear,"

"Better get used to it," I warned. "You're only going to be hearing it for the next fifty years or so,"

Lily's smile was huge as she no doubt pictured us surviving this dreadful war and living out our lives naturally.

Grudgingly I forced myself up.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked, alarmed.

"To make dinner for my princess, this isn't Hogwarts love, we don't have house elves waiting on us hand and foot,"

Lily giggled. "I guess that makes you my house elf then,"

I sighed. "No even worse, I'm your husband, so you don't get to just send me away whenever you want,"

Lily smiled and pushed herself off the bed.

"Are you actually going to help me this time?" I asked incredulously.

Lily laughed at me as she walked out of the room. "Of course not, I'm going to shut all the curtains so the neighbours don't start camping out by their windows to catch the daily Potter show and then I'm going to run the spa for us so we can have a relaxing soak after dinner,"

Before Lily could slip out of my grasp I pulled her close, stroking her hair and pressing little kisses on her nose, cheek, forehead and finally lips.

"I really do love you Lily Potter,"

"You're my whole world James Potter," Lily replied before slipping out of my grasp to start adding a bit more privacy to the place.

I sighed happily and headed to the kitchen to try and decide what I would make for us tonight. A deep contentment spread through my body and I smiled to myself at just how lucky I was.

Sure the world was in turmoil and there was a lot of darkness in the world but Lily was proof that there was also a lot of beauty and sweetness and that gave me hope and filled me with love.

My smile spread wider as I realised I had the two tools that the other side didn't have, two advantages that were going to help defeat the dark lord.

Maybe luck was on my side after all.

LILY

James lay curled into the foetal position, snoring softly and murmuring in his sleep, looking oddly at peace despite his restless actions. I watched him sigh deeply and then smile a bit afterwards before wrapping his arms around his body in a tight embrace and settling deeper into sleep.

This is a moment I would freeze. James carefree; with no worries, no stress and nothing to endanger his chance at a happily ever after.

Forcing myself to tear my gaze away I silently tip toed out of our bedroom, pulled a dressing gown on and opened the back door; the cold wind ripping at my thin night gown and chilling my bones. I ignored my teeth chattering, pulled my robe closer and began to climb the stairs of the tree house Sirius and Remus had built me and James; it wasn't as elaborate as James' used to be but it had a great view, a window, couch inside and lots of cute photo's that they'd stuck to the walls for us.

Once I reached the top, I didn't bother going inside, I just moved to the side of the building to where the second ladder was and climbed my way to the very top where the best view was and Sirius had build a little railing so I couldn't possibly fall off.

The sun was almost ready to rise and I could feel the tension in my body from the past week starting to drift away with every small move the sun made to light up the dark sky with brilliant orange, red's and pinks.

The wind began to pick up and I shivered, trying to wrap my arms around my shaking body to create a little heat.

A thick, soft and warm blanket rested on my shoulders and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Easy there beautiful, you don't want to freeze to death,"

I smiled up at James and snuggled closer to him as he sat behind me, rubbing my shoulders to build more warmth.

"You weren't even going to wake me?" he asked. "I thought this was our thing; watching the sunrise every morning?"

"You looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn't want to be responsible for taking you away from something beautiful and that made you look so at ease,"

James began to chuckle.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Love, you would only be waking me up so I could actually feel everything I'd been dreaming in real life,"

"How do you mean?" I asked, still confused.

"All I ever dream about is you, so you'd be doing me a favour by waking me up, because that way I get to really have you, instead of just dreaming about it,"

I beamed up at him brightly, just as the morning sun hit his face and his hazel's eyes glinted with mischief and love.

"You're so sappy James Potter,"

"You're so loving it Lily Potter,"

I turned back towards the sunrise and settled in closer to James; loving the warmth and security I felt in his arms as I watch the beginning of yet another day with the man I loved more than anything else in this world besides my mum.

I sighed deeply. My mum. How was ever going to be ready to say goodbye to the woman that inspired my first words, who taught me to ride a bike, that supported me through everything and gave me the best she could?

"You shouldn't frown when it's windy," James teased. "Your face might freeze that way,"

I pulled a face at him and rolled my eyes. "Very original Potter,"

James tweaked my nose and smiled at me. "You're so cute when you're serious,"

I sighed dramatically. "And you are so exhausting,"

James smiled and moved quickly to press his lips against mine, sending heat all the way up my body immediately and flushing my cheeks.

As James pulled away again he was smirking broadly at me. "Looks like I still got it huh?"

I hit his chest gently and got to my feet. "Your arrogance? Oh Potter, I doubt that will ever leave,"

James chuckled. "That's my girl, hide your sexual desires under hostility,"

I couldn't help but giggle a little bit as I moved down the ladder, holding tight as the wind blew furiously.

As soon as I'd made it town the second ladder, I turned towards the house to come face to face with Remus and jumped a foot in the air.

"Oh my god! Remus! You scared me half to death!"

Remus smiled sadly. "Sorry Lily, that wasn't my intention,"

"That's ok, what's wrong? Is everything ok?"

Before Remus could answer James jumped down the last six steps and wrapped his arms around me.

"Moony! Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Remus stared at James incredulously. "Do _you_? I'm surprised to see you up any time before midday,"

James waved his comment aside. "Pfft Moony I'm a married man now, I'm all about not wasting a single moment sleeping when I can be with my beloved here,"

Remus and I both rolled our eyes together.

"Everyone's a critic," James grumbled.

I ignored him and turned to Remus. "So, what's up? Not that we're not happy to see you it's just we're a little surprised,"

Remus looked guilty. "I know, I'm so sorry to interrupt your honeymoon, it's just we need your help,"

I sighed; well at least we almost made it a whole week without interruptions. "What's happened?"

Before Remus could explain again James cut in.

"Let's move this inside shall we? I don't want anyone catching a cold,"

Silently we all headed inside; locking the door behind us and taking a seat each in the kitchen.

"Alright Moony, spill, what's happening?"

Remus sighed. "Death eater's as usual,"

"Which ones are we planning to kill this time and what excuse are we using?"

"They've kidnapped a group of young wizarding children; I believe they're hoping to expand their army by recruiting while they are still young and impressionable and then using their innocence and age against us in the battle,"

I groaned deeply and let my head hit the table. "Don't they ever take holidays from being evil? I mean, come on, _everyone_ needs a day off sometime, aren't they exhausted yet? I'm exhausted just hearing about it,"

Remus patted my back gently. "If only that could be true. I really am sorry about coming here, we held off for as long as we could,"

My head snapped up. "How long have the children been missing?"

"Five days,"

"How many kids?"

"Twelve,"

My heart sank; those poor kids.

"What's the connection?" James asked.

Remus sighed deeply. "All their parents are from the ministry, Dumbledore thinks that by taking the children of powerful wizards he can black mail the Ministry into slowly allowing him some power in return for the children's safety,"

"That's despicable," I spat. "Does he really have no heart?"

"I think he's done everything in his power to ensure he has no emotions or soul to affect his hunger for power," Remus replied.

"Ok, what do you need us to do?" I asked.

Remus smiled. "You know, you're taking this really well, Sirius-"

He broke off immediately and I felt a grin spread across my face. "Is that why you came? Sirius was too scared to interrupt me and James one more time?"

Remus smiled sheepishly. "In all fairness, he does have reason to feel weary considering your past reactions,"

I shook my head. "Such a silly boy,"

"If it helps, he was the one that pushed for us to leave you alone unless it was completely necessary, he had a huge fight with Moody about responsibility and everyone pulling their weight versus what was right and what you and James deserved,"

I smiled imagining Sirius going up against Moody with his scary magical eye and booming voice, all just to ensure me and James had a somewhat normal honeymoon. I'd have to seriously think about getting him a good thank you gift after everything he'd done lately.

James clapped his hands in excitement. "That's my boy, always looking out for me,"

I shushed James and turned back to Remus. "Where do you need us and what do you need us to do?"

"Well, that's the thing…" Remus began.

I groaned internally; I could tell already this wasn't going anywhere good.

"Spit it out Moony," James said firmly.

"They've taken the kids to different locations to make it near impossible to find them, luckily Pete seemed to come across some good information and we know a couple locations; we're gonna need your help in going to Albania to get the twins they've taken,"

"Albania?" I yelped.

Remus nodded. "I'm afraid so, and I'm afraid time is of the essence too,"

"How long are we going to be gone for?" James asked.

"I'm not too sure,"

James turned to me seriously. "Love, I know it's hard for women in general to pack appropriately but I'm going to need you to really limit your luggage for this trip,"

"I know how to pack light," I snapped, just as the phone began to ring.

"The last time you packed 'light' I ended up carrying two rather large suitcases, plus a make up bag, over night bag and hair product bag as well as my own luggage,"

"Uh guys?" Remus tried.

"We were going for two weeks!" I exclaimed. "And I wasn't even sure where we were meant to be going; if I had known it would have been Sirius's basement I wouldn't have bothered!"

"You're never going to let me live that down are you?"

"GUYS!" Remus yelled and we both froze in shock and turned all our attention to him. "Your telephone is calling,"

"Ringing," I corrected and rushed to answer it. "Hello Lily speaking,"

"It's about damn time! Do you always let your phone ring like that? Utterly rude is you ask me,"

My eye twitched slowly as I registered the voice. "To what do I owe this pleasure Petunia?"

"I have news for you, although I'm not entirely sure why I'd bother, I wasn't even sure this number would work, I thought I'd have to send a parrot to give you the news or something,"

"We use owl's Petunia, not parrots. Do you actually have any news or are you calling to attempt to irritate me to death?"

Petunia gasped in shock and the line went silent. What the hell had I said wrong now?

"Petunia? Hello? Are you there?....Tuney?"

"It's mum," I could barely even hear her. "She's had a heart attack; they've got her on life support; they want our permission to turn it off if she doesn't wake up in the next few hours,"

My heart stopped, the world seems to move in slow motion and I watched as the phone slipped from my grasp and crashed on the floor and the room began to spin.


	56. Chapter 56

Happy belated Easter my precious reader's :D

Was the Easter bunny good to you all? I certainly hope so because you each deserve it!

This chapter is a little rushed on the Lily bit but I actually like the James part (for once!) Hopefully, you can forgive the rushed ending and appreciate where it's all heading.

To the following beautiful people; Megan and Charly Love HP, owugirl10, XXJAMESLILYXX, SecretlyAGryffindor, Nekoxion9, Adorkably Adorkable, UndercoverHufflepuff, funinthesun55, hello-goodbye146, ravenclawLupin11, TmoVie, -Scp-, hpdreamer500, Gadhudaj, missgeorgeweasley, missyca23, The DA is dressed to the nines, shroomy-eyes, hptwilightlvr, HermioneGrangersTwin, Loveheartx, R8c4a3l.

Thank you. Again and always. You are my inspiration. Couldn't do it without you. Love you all xxx

* * *

JAMES

I saw Lily's world come crashing down around her as the phone slipped from her grasp, saw her knees start to wobble. I rushed quickly to catch her if she fell, however before I could even get there Lily had straightened herself up enough to press her back against the wall and then slowly slide down.

"I'm sorry Remus," she muttered absently. "I'm not too sure I can make the trip,"

I crouched down in front of her. "What happened? Is your mum ok?"

Lily's eyes filled with tears yet none fell down her face, not one even budged.

"Lil?" I pressed again, watching her every move carefully.

"She's had a heart attack, I need to be there for her. They want permission to take her off life support. I can't come, I need to take care of this, I'm sorry,"

My heart sank, my poor girl. I knew first hand how devastating it was when you had to let go of someone you've spent your whole life clinging to.

"That's fine," I told her soothingly. "We can handle it without you, you just do what you need to do ok? I'll be here when you get back and I'm here right now too, if I can do anything, you let me know,"

Lily nods numbly and stiffly gets to her feet.

Remus moves forward a little awkwardly and puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. "We're all here Lily,"

Lily offers a tight smile and nods slightly. "Thanks, that means a lot. I really am sorry that I'm abandoning you all in such a time of need,"

Remus shook his head fervently as I moved to wrap my arms around Lily's waist. "No Lily, this is fine. In times of need, it's important to be with family,"

Lily nodded briskly and stepped out of my grasp. "I'm going to go and pack a few things…I'm not too sure how long I'll be there for,"

"Take all the time you need," I replied.

Lily began to walk back towards our bedroom before suddenly coming to a stop and turning back around to run right back into my arms.

"Whoa! You alright?"

Lily pressed frantic kisses across my face, clinging close to me, almost crawling up inside me; right in front of Remus.

"You be safe," she tells me sternly. "You come back in one piece, and you come back _alive_, are we clear?"

I smiled and cupped her cheek in my hand. "Crystal clear beautiful, you're not getting rid of me that easily,"

"I love you," she whispers and then, realising we have company blushes slightly before releasing me and heading back to the bedroom.

Remus is a deep red, always one to feel embarrassed when he's around intense affection. I clap him on the shoulder with a grin.

"You right there mate?"

Remus nods, going even redder and I chuckle. "We're all adults here mate, it's fine. Now, sit down, explain everything to me again in detail, when are we leaving?"

*

"Prongs! You're here!" Sirius called out, running over to slap me on the back. "I knew Moony would be able to convince you…"

He pauses for a second a fear creeps its way into his eyes. "Where's Lily? …She's not planning on jumping out with an axe aimed at my head right?"

He spins around wildly. "It wasn't my idea Lily, I swear I told them to leave you alone!"

I bite down my smile; wishing Lily could be here to see Sirius's reaction.

I let him squirm for a couple more moments before finally piping up. "She's not here mate, there's been a family emergency so she's not coming. She would have had it not been for her mother's help, you know she's not one to stray from a fight,"

Sirius minces, no doubt remembering one of the times he has been on the receiving end of Lily's temper.

"Is…is she ok? Her mum…?"

I shake my head, unable to talk about it without feeling myself fracturing apart.

Sirius, understanding just simply nods and moves so his shoulder is pressed firmly against me; holding me together.

"Well? Let's get this show on the road, when do we leave?"

"We have to wait for Professor McGonagall," Remus replies. "She's going to have the port key with her,"

"Getting baby sat again?" Sirius moaned.

"On the contrary Mr Black, I believe it is quite the opposite,"

Sirius jumps as Professor McGonagall's crisp voice fills the room.

"Geez woman! Don't you ever make a noise?"

McGonagall smiles tightly. "Perhaps you should learn not to let your guard down and it would not be possible for me to surprise you,"

Sirius grits his teeth but says nothing and McGonagall actually starts to laugh. "Finally learnt to hold your tongue Sirius? Perhaps there is hope for you yet,"

Remus grins broadly as Sirius remains silent.

"Professor, as much as I'm enjoying Sirius gain another lesson in humility, do you think maybe we could get this show on the road?"

McGonagall nods curtly, then checks her watch before pulling a bright red hat out of her pocket.

"Take hold boys, you don't have much time. You will be transported to an Inn in Albania where you're staying, Mildred is your host and will be expecting you,"

I take the hat from her and shuffle closer to the guys. "What about the kids?"

"Mildred will have a package for you, it has the information about the children and where we believe they are hidden. It will be a very hostile environment and not something to take lightly, please act responsibly and take this very seriously. It is not just us that are counting on you,"

We all nod in unison.

"Is there anything else?" Sirius asks as the hat begins to get warm in our hands and I feel myself being pulled.

McGonagall nods seriously. "Yes, stay alive,"

Before any of us can reply, we're moving forwards and it's still the most unusual and disconcerting feeling. It takes longer than any other port key ever has and when we finally land on solid ground, I have to use all my will power to keep my knees from buckling.

My shoulders are immediately weighed down as both Sirius and Remus put all their weight on me.

"Oh boys, you're right on time,"

Still a bit disorientated I turn towards the voice to find a middle aged woman with red, greying hair, plump face and friendly smile greeting us.

"You must be Mildred," Remus says weakly. "So nice to meet you,"

Mildred smiled brightly and rushed over to help us into some comfy arm chairs. "Such lovely young men, I will have to make sure your rooms are locked at all times or the girls here will be trying to sneak in and steal you away!"

Sirius perked up immediately at the compliment and rewarded Mildred with a flirtatious smile.

"Excuse me ma'am," Remus began respectfully. "Would you happen to have any information for us?"

Mildred stroked his cheek affectionately. "Such a gentleman! I do have something for you all, let me just go get it,"

As Mildred walked off to retrieve whatever had been left for us Sirius nudged Remus.

"Dude, she's old enough to be your mother!"

Remus looked horrified. "I am just being polite!"

"And she is _eating it up!_"

Remus sighed in frustration and turned to me for help, I shrugged and turned to Sirius.

"Pad foot, give it a rest ok? You can't always be the favourite,"

Before Sirius could reply Mildred returned with a package. "Here you go boys! Would you like me to settle you in your room?"

"Room?" I asked. "As in, just one?"

Mildred smiled. "It is a very nice room,"

I sighed, knowing it would be rude to ask for anything else. "We would appreciate it, if you could take us there,"

Mildred beamed again and then swept up the stair case, wearily we all followed her up three flights of stairs before we came to a large oak door with 303 written in silver writing.

Proudly Mildred opened the door to reveal a very pretty but simple room with three single beds along one wall, a small kitchen, a nice sized family room, hallway which led to the bathroom and a nice balcony over looking the lush green scenery below us.

"Magnificent," Remus told her with a gentle smile.

Mildred left with a skip in her step as we all poured into the room and collapsed on a bed each.

"Should we open the stuff now?" Sirius asked, not making any effort to move.

"I guess,"

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I want a shower first, before everything starts to get crazy,"

I sigh and gesture for him to go ahead.

An hour later we were back in the same positions we were before.

"Now are we ready?" i asked as Sirius primped his hair.

"Go ahead boys!"

Remus, who was holding the package slowly opened it and then forcing himself to sit up, dumped the contents on the end of his bed.

Inside there had been photo's of the three possible locations, information on who had most likely taken them, photo's of the children and information on them and their parents, some Albanian money, a small packet of black dust and a letter from Dumbledore explaining how important this mission was, how there was no time to waste and thanking us for taking on this responsibility. On the bottom of the letter he explained the dust was to conceal us from enemies but was to be used sparingly, and instructions on how to get back to London.

After going through everything twice we all sat back and let out a sigh as one.

"Well, I guess we better get started," Sirius said, forcing himself to his feet.

"Where exactly are we starting?" I replied, picking up the three photo's of possible locations.

Sirius pointed to the middle one; a cottage hidden deep within the forest, almost indistinguishable unless you were told where to look.

"That one, I just know it's that one, some higher power is telling me it's the place to go,"

I stared at him sceptically. "Really? You just know huh?"

Sirius held my shoulders firmly. "Prongs, I can feel it in my bones,"

*

"Yep, you were right Sirius, this is definitely the place," Remus said wryly.

Sirius looked down bashfully. "Look, my gift isn't always one hundred percent, this was probably just leading us in the right direction,"

I sighed and shook my head. "Sirius, you attacked an eighty five year old woman while she was in the bath, I'd say that's taking us in the complete wrong direction,"

Sirius blushed even deeper and grabbed the remaining two photo's out of my hand, examining them for a few moments before choosing the underground cottage. "That one, it is definitely that one, I'm completely certain this time,"

I held up the photo. "So this one then? You're sure?"

"Prongs, I'm willing to bet ten galleons on it,"

I nodded thoughtfully and then grabbed the photo with the house in the busiest village, with maximum exposure and no where to run without being seen.

"We're going here then,"

"What! But I told you-"

"I know what you told me, call this divine intervention if you will, but if you're picking the other place, then we're going to this one,"

"Fine," he snapped. "Let's get this over and done with so you can see I was right and beg for my forgiveness,"

I smirked slightly. "Lead the way princess,"

We waited in the bushes of the neighbours yard and tried to figure out our best entry point.

"You know this is stupid and completely reckless," Sirius told me. "They're not going to be here, look at this place, if the kids were screaming someone would know, if something shady was going on, there is someone to report it, there's no privacy here, there's no cover, this is the dumbest place to take hostages,"

"Exactly," I replied.

"What?"

"That is exactly what they are going to expect us to be thinking and that's exactly why the twins are here,"

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but Remus beat him to it. "It makes sense Pad foot, they can sound proof the house, build under ground and keep up the appearance of good neighbours so they have some unsuspecting allies here, this is actually a genius place to hide children,"

Sirius kept silent which I knew meant he was furious at himself for not figuring this out first.

"There's a cellar entrance over in their yard," he said stiffly. "That's the best place to get in,"

I nudged him playfully. "You still got it after all mate,"

Sirius ignored me and then sprinted out of the bushes without warning, dived over the little fence and rolled until he reached the concealed entrance under leaves, pulling the latch open and disappearing inside.

Remus and I both stared at each other in surprise before shrugging as one and following Sirius' lead.

I landed with a hard thud on the cold, concrete floor, with Sirius staring down at me.

"Real stealth Prongs, honestly, it's like all those years breaking into Hogwarts were lost on you,"

I grit my teeth and pushed myself up, before helping Remus who was sprawled next to me.

Once on my feet I checked our surroundings, it was a dark room, stacked with odd shaped packages, cluttered papers and planks of wood, it smelt musty and decaying.

"I don't think the kids are in here," Remus said quietly.

"I don't think this feels right," I replied.

"How do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"It was way too easy to get in here, I think they know we're here, I think this could be a trap,"

Sirius shrugs and smiles recklessly. "Then I guess we'd better get a move on then,"

We crept carefully, almost silently out of the cellar, making sure we didn't bump anything and attract attention to ourselves, it's quiet in the house, eerily quiet and it's putting my on edge.

This is all wrong, I can feel that it's all wrong and I'm regretting pushing Sirius into being reckless and thoughtless with my teasing.

We all come to a stop once we exit the cellar to find we're in a corridor with about twenty different doors, ten on either side.

"Oh bloody hell," Sirius curses.

"Want to guess which one it is with you gift?" I ask as I creep towards the first door, scared it's going to have a bomb inside or something.

"Now is not the time to be playing games," Remus replies instead.

"Which door do we open first?" Sirius asks.

"Shh," I say suddenly and in the silence I can hear something, very muffled, and almost not recognisable but it's something.

"Sirius, transfigure your ears, and your ears only," I order.

The great thing about me and Sirius is we don't even ask questions about stupid requests, we do as we're told and put the trust in each other; because it's kept us alive so far, why stop now?

Slowly Sirius's ears become more pointed, furry and then he has his dog ears on his human head, eyes closed as he concentrates.

"That door," he says and points to door number thirteen. "I can hear crying,"

We hurry to the door and hesitate at the front of it until growing impatient Remus actually kicks the door open.

Sirius and I stare at him in awe; who knew he had such strength?

"Stop gawking," he tells us tersely. "Let's get the kids and get out,"

Snapping into soldier mode we all spread out across the dark room, using our wands as dim light, searching for any sign of the twins.

The crying starts to get louder and I rush towards a fancy looking couch and jump over it to get at what's behind.

My heart sinks at the same time the door slams shut and I realize we've been locked in.

"What the fuck?" Sirius snaps, pulling and pounding on the door.

"It was a trap," I say numbly.

"Did you at least get the boys?" Remus asks as he, too pulls at the door.

I toss over the two muggle dolls that have now stopped crying; their smirking faces a dagger in my heart and chance of survival.

"Not the ones we want,"

Remus bangs his head against the door once and then moves to the back of the room, curling up on one of the seats there.

"This does not look good Prongs," Sirius tells me honestly.

I search for an exit, for anything to help us and I find that we've been goaded into a room full of softness and warmth; with nothing that will help us at all.

"No, it really doesn't,"

Sirius; his ears still in dog form pushes closer to the door and I can actually see the colour drain from his face.

"It's about to get worse, too,"

I don't need super sensitive hearing to understand what he means; I can hear the foot steps too.

*

The footsteps got louder, got closer and my heart began to beat fast in my chest. Oh Lily, I hope you know how much I love you, I hope you don't blame yourself for this.

Sirius turns to me and smiles mischievously. "Well Prongs, we certainly had a good run, didn't we?"

I nod, steadying my stance so I can make sure I won't be knocked down easily. "We definitely did. It seems fitting, to have you by my side at the end,"

Sirius scoffs. "The end? Prongs, this is just another adventure for us, and you know, this is exactly how it should be, going out in a blaze, making an impact on the world,"

"And taking some bastards down with us," I add with a smirk.

"Bloody oath we will!"

I realize I've forgotten Remus is with us and I feel a tinge of regret and guilt. "You could still make it mate," I tell him softly.

"Me and Sirius can distract them, hold them off, and you can still make it,"

Remus stares at me, and he's angry, actually, he's bloody pissed off. "I am not such a coward," he tells me coldly and takes his place next to me.

I smile sadly, already in some way knowing that would be his answer.

"Just another great adventure," I say a lot more bravely then I actually feel.

"The greatest," Sirius replies and his voice catches a bit on the end.

I think about how stupid we'd been, how unprepared, how we'd not found the boys yet, that now we never would and none of us were going home. My heart breaks for their family, my heart breaks for their little lives which may not last very longer, and my heart breaks for me and Lily because we will never know the joys of having children, never experience the ups and downs of parenthood.

A lump rises in my throat and then suddenly I'm furious, furious for the boys, for their families and for the family I will never get a chance to have. I am so furious that it starts to choke me; and I know I am ready, that I have enough anger in me to make sure I do some damage.

Instead of harnessing the anger; I embrace it and as the door starts to creak open I set my shoulders straight and take a deep breath.

_Bring it on you bastards, let me show you how to really fight._

The door bursts open and my anger flies away with it; instead I am now terrified.

This is something I could never be prepared for; this is the thing nightmares are made of.

LILY

As I stand outside my mum's hospital door I am completely and utterly torn in about twenty five different ways. Am I even doing the right thing being here? Will I even be welcome? What if something happens to James and all I've been doing is sitting here watching my dying mother die.

I press my back against the cool wall and again let myself slide onto the floor, trying to get my bearings.

I close my eyes and let my head fall onto my knees that I have drawn up to my chest.

_Breath Lily, you have to breathe. This is your mother you're talking about, you can't just walk away without goodbye, you would hate yourself._

I bite down a sob as I realise if James gets hurt I will hate myself too. Double edged sword, damned if I do, damned if I don't.

"Hey there, are you alright?"

I look up into two very, very dark soulful eyes and a white smile.

"I-I'm fine," I manage to croak out, tearing myself away from his face.

A pale hand appears in front of me and hesitantly I take it and let myself get pulled to my feet.

"You don't look fine, though you're in the intensive ward so I'm guessing that would be the reason,"

I nod and stare at my feet.

"I'm Sleven," he tells me boldly. "I'm visiting my cousin,"

"Lily," I reply. "Here for my mum,"

He nods in understanding. "It's tough huh? Waiting for the inevitable,"

"What's wrong with your cousin?" I blurt out before quickly trying to reverse the damage. "I'm so sorry, that's none of my business,"

Sleven smiles. "No, it's fine. Car crash, he's been on life support for three weeks now,"

Impulsively I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently. "I'm very sorry,"

Sleven shrugs. "It's ok…well it's not, but you know,"

I nod, understanding completely. "Yeah, I know,"

A silence settles over us but it isn't awkward, he smiles down at me with his enticing eyes and I return a shy smile back. The silence is so comfortable, so reassuring that I almost feel like I could stay here forever, never breaching the thresh hold of the hospital bed room.

Of course, with my luck, this was never going to happen.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Our mother is _dying_ and you're cheating on that freak with some boy you've only just met!"

I close my eyes and beg for this to just be a figment of my imagination. When I open them again she's still staring at me like I'm the most disgusting, piece of filth that's taking up her precious space.

"Sleven, this is my sister, Petunia,"

Sleven smiles and offers his hand. "Both flowers right? That's cute,"

Petunia sneers at him. "Sleven? Like your parents figured they liked eleven and seven too much to just pick one?"

I feel myself blush in humiliation. "Petunia, you should apologise,"

"Lily," she mimics, "You should drop dead,"

She turns on her heel and back into my mums room and I hang my head in shame. "Listen, I'm really sorry about that…"

Sleven tilts my head up and he isn't angry, those deep eyes are kind. "Don't worry about it, really. You don't have to apologise for her bad behaviour,"

I smile, feeling a slight weight lifted off my shoulders by this strangers kindness and understanding.

"I better head in," I tell her as I shift myself towards the door. "It was nice meeting you, and thank you…so much, for you know…just thanks,"

Sleven grins and waves me away. "No worries, I know how it is. You just worry about keeping yourself healthy and happy so that your mum can focus on herself,"

I give him one last smile and then walk inside the door, shutting it behind me.

My mother, my strong, spirited mother looks tiny on the hospital bed, lying loose and emotionless, eyes closed with a machine pumping air through her lungs for her.

Petunia is sitting on the only chair in the room, pulled as close to the bed as she could manage, clasping both of mum's hands while she whisper's things to her I can't hear.

I feel like a stranger in this room, like I'm intruding on a personal moment and that pisses me off.

Not even caring about what Petunia will say, I move across the room and crawl onto the bed with mum, wrapping myself around her frail body and untangling her hair.

I can feel Petunia's eyes burning into my skull, but I ignore her.

"Get off the bed," she hisses.

I continue to ignore her so she yells it louder to which I just more obviously start to ignore her.

Without warning rough hands push me and I'm dumped on the floor.

"What the hell is your problem?" I snap as I set myself straight.

"You," she snarls and she's actually shaking from anger. "Where have you been this whole time? Off with your freaks. You don't belong here, this isn't your family anymore and you are not welcome! Did you just expect me to embrace you with open arms after you've disgraced this family for years? After you've burdened us with your…your…filthy, freakiness!"

I open my mouth to reply but she cuts me off. "You are dead to me, in fact, I wish you were dead. I wish you were lying here instead of mum, but that can't ever happen. You have ruined this family, _you_ killed dad, _you're_ the reason mum has given up on life. You. Are. Evil. I fucking hate you, get out of this room, get away from this place and leave us be. Haven't you done enough!"

My face feels flushed and hot from the embarrassment, my heart is raw and I feel like I have been shattered into pieces and then roughly put back together again.

"Petunia…" I begin in an uneven voice, but then I can't seem to find any other words so I quickly run out of the room, I start to run down the hall, not even aware of where I am going until I slam into a thick door and fall back, flat on my back, my face throbbing.

"That was a hell of an exit,"

I close my eyes in horror. _Oh god, not you, bad enough someone saw, but couldn't it have been anyone but you?_

"Are you hurt? If you need assistance I'm sure you wouldn't have to go far,"

I sigh. "Everything hurts, just not on the outside,"

Sleven nods and then sits down next to me. "Your sister giving you trouble?"

"She's just…she's being herself,"

"You know, just because you don't like your sibling, doesn't mean you don't love them,"

"Oh no, trust me, she hates me,"

Sleven looks at me strangely for a moment before he speaks. "You know my cousin? The one I'm here visiting? He's actually not my cousin, he was my best friend, our parents were best friend so he's always been like family. We haven't spoken in eight years, not since he went off at me in a drug fuelled rage and stabbed me three times in the leg and twice in the chest, he promises if he ever saw me again he would make sure I ended up with a machine breathing for me and he'd dance on my grave when I died, and yet here I am, watching his chest move up and down because a machine tells it to. I flew for sixteen hours to get here, I sleep in his room, I give him my blood and I live every moment on the hope maybe one of them will mean he wakes up,"

I press my hand to my throat in horror. "Oh my god…that's…that's terrible. Don't you…I mean…why did you come then? Wouldn't it have been easier to just stay where you were?"

Sleven shrugs. "His parents are dead and I was his emergency contact, but I would have come anyway. He's my cousin, blood or not, and the only one I've got. Family doesn't always have to mean blood, family are the people that even after you've fucked up, are still their standing by your side. Family is forever, and the bonds are unbreakable, blood can always be washed away,"

As he's saying this I think of James, Sirius, Carla, Remus, Violet, Frank and Alice, of all we've been through of the support they've lent me and will continue to give me, even if I don't deserve it, even if I lose my temper too quickly and rush into things that lead to possible deadly circumstances.

It's at this point that I have complete clarity, that I realise what it is I need to do, where I have to be.

I scramble to my feet and start to run off, only to quickly run back to where at stunned Sleven is still sitting.

"Thank you, so much…again. It's been so lovely meeting you, good luck with your cousin and with life,"

Before he can reply I take off at a run again and only stop to skid into my mums room.

Petunia looks up and it's clear she's been crying.

"You!" she snarls but I cut her off.

"Petunia, I love you. I may not understand you, I may not ever be able to please you, or make you like me, but I love you and I'm always going to love you. You're my sister, you're a part of me and no matter how hard you try to push that aside, it's never going to change,"

Petunia's eyes widen and she stares at me, unable to respond.

Ignoring her now, I go to my mother and smooth her hair down and kiss her cheek.

"You have been the best mum ever, you have been the best friend ever and you have, for such a long time, been the best part of me. I will never forget you, I will never stop loving you and I will never let forget a single moment shared with you. I love you so much mum, and I hope you find your peace with daddy,"

I give mum one last kiss on the cheek and one final hug and then I turn to leave.

"W-where the hell are you going?" Petunia splutters.

"I'm going where I'm needed; I'm going to find my family,"

"_We _are you family," she replies before she can stop herself.

I smile and move quickly; before she can run away. I wrap my arms around her bony frame and press her close to my chest.

"Thank you," I whisper and then just as I feel her hands slowly move to touch my back, I let go and walk out of the door.

I have never felt more free in my life.


	57. Chapter 57

Hey all, quick update for you :)

Hope it lives up to your expectations, really mean alot to me what you all think.

Again to the most amazing people ever; owugirl10, October Dusk, KatieMAGICLove, JacobsImprintGirl, Gadhudaj, hpdreamer500, FaithfulHPReader, XXJAMESLILYXX, Opa12, AnyOtherWay, Loveheartx, funinthesun55, Itz Gideon, Malala94, shroomy-eyes, TmoVie, hptwilightlvr, Ravenclaw Lupin11, HermioneGrangersTwin, The DA is dressed to the nines.

Thanks :D You all rock. Seriously. Lots and lots of love your way xx xx xx xx

* * *

JAMES

My hand went slack and I almost dropped my wand as the door swung open and there stood Fenrir Greyback, with his mouth dripping blood messily as he grinned like a maniac and led the two twin boys who had collars and leashes on, into the room.

Remus was not as shocked into stillness as I was; quite the opposite actually.

With a feral growl he threw himself forward and landed a punch fair into Fenrir's face; causing his head to kick back suddenly and his hold on the leashes to be relinquished momentarily.

Fenrir looked just as stunned as I was feeling for all of about three seconds before he started to bark out his laugh.

As Remus went in for round two Sirius and I were more prepared and each took an arm and pulled him back behind us, using our shoulders to keep him in place and out of clear shot of Fenrir.

"Oh Remus, you're not jealous of my pups to be are you? As if I could ever replace you, you know you're my favourite. You have the fire and hunger that I have; the determination and power. Can't you see my boy? You are just a younger version of me,"

Remus tried to break free and managed to pull through enough to spit at Fenrir's feet.

"I am _nothing_ like you, you bastard. I'll kill you, I swear to god I'll do it, I'll do it right now!"

Fenrir looked at Remus affectionately. "You don't realise it yet young one, but you will see one day, that ambition, that thirst to be in control; this is where it leads you,"

"I would rather die!"

"What did you mean 'pups to be'?" I asked before they could get too caught up in the fight and then the children got in the way of their brawl.

Fenrir pulled the leash tighter and the boys yet out a yelp, as tears began to stream down their face.

Jesus, they couldn't be more than five years old, maximum. I was going to make sure that before I died I took this bastard down and made sure those two boys got home to their parents. Someone was getting a fairytale ending today; and odds certainly weren't looking good for me.

"They're still…pure, I like them a little bit older…just a bit, how old were you Remus? Six?"

Remus didn't answer, just stared daggers at Fenrir while a tick developed in his cheek.

"You can't keep them here, you have to let them go," I told him firmly.

Fenrir raised an eyebrow. "Potter, look at where you are; cornered in your enemies territory with no one here to protect you, no one close enough to even be able to find you bodies in time. You idiotic children have dressed up in big kid clothes and think that makes you grown up,"

"You're still out numbered!" Sirius grabbed at his wand and tried to aim a curse at Fenrir but his wand omitted a puff of smoke and then went still.

"Oh, probably should have mentioned that as soon as you found yourselves locked in it triggered the anti charming device. Your wands are useless inside of this room."

"You're lying! We used our wands for light just before,"

Fenrir began laughing again. "Yes, that was my idea I love seeing the hope and fire die out of vermin's eyes when they see they have no way out. It's the only thing allowed boys, in fact I dare you to try a spell, do it."

He leant closer to Remus. "Try and kill me if you can,"

"_Avada kedavra!_" Sirius screamed and his wand didn't even bother with the pretense of lighting up.

"Weren't even going to give me a chance to prepare were you?" Fenrir asked with glee. "You have some of your parents in you after all. Oh and in case you were wondering, I believe this may be my favourite case of failing hope from eyes,"

"Fuck it!" Sirius screamed and aimed a kick at the wall.

"Mr Black, there are children in present," Fenrir mock scolded.

"You're still going to die," Remus told him in a scarily calm voice.

"Oh? And how do you imagine that's going to happen?" Fenrir taunted. "Are you going to stare me to death? Cry a river of tears and try to drown me? Face it, you're all lost little lambs, waiting to be picked off by me, the big bad wolf. You're pathetic, you're unarmed and you're failures,"

Without warning a red light hit the back of Fenrir's head and he toppled heavily onto the floor, crossing the threshold of the room; the boys falling down with him.

What the hell?

"God, does he _ever_ shut up!"

I froze, shut my eyes and quickly turned to Sirius. "Punch me,"

"Dude, this not the time for a pissing contest, we both know we're evenly matched in strength,"

"Punch me now!"

I stumbled back when Sirius's fist made impact with my chest; almost winded from the pain and sheer force of it.

"Prongs! Shit! Are you ok?"

I ignored Sirius and turned to the open door where Lily now stood, looking exasperated.

"Honestly James, is this really necessary?"

Pushing past Sirius and Remus I wrapped my arms around Lily, needing to feel her skin against mine, needing to know she was real, she was safe and she was mine.

"Whoa! Ok…hello there! James, not that I'm not thrilled to see you too, but can we save the reunion for later? I'm not sure how long we've got until back up arrives and then we're all royally screwed."

"I thought you were needed with your family?" Sirius asked as he aimed a kick at Fenrir's nose; breaking it.

"I was and that's why I'm here, sorry it took so long,"

I am filled with so much pride and love at that moment I'm not entirely sure my body can hold it all.

"But…how did you get in? Find us? Get here so quickly?"

"Sirius, as fun as twenty one questions is, do you think we could save that for later too? There are two very frightened little boys that no doubt would love to see their parents,"

"Right," Sirius said as he flushed a little bit. "Right."

"So, how do we do this then?" I asked. "Is there a secret passageway out or something?"

Lily grinned. "Yeah Potter, I pulled a book in the library which opened up a secret panel to which I then crawled through the secret panel down to a secret tunnel, which then opened to a room with a unicorn, the unicorn pointed to a small door on the floor, I went through that and then it lead me out into the back yard where I found a hatch to climb through,"

"Oh my god, really! Why don't we ever get cool stuff like that?" Sirius exclaimed as he began working on freeing the boys.

I shook my head. "Pad foot, she's being sarcastic,"

Sirius scoffed. "I knew stuff like that wouldn't happen to people like us, so how did you get in?"

"You're not going to believe this, but I walked through the front door," Lily said.

Remus, Sirius and my mouth all dropped open.

"You…walked…through the front door?" I asked incredulously.

"Yep," Lily replied, as she pushed Sirius aside and had the twins free in moments.

As we followed Lily at a jog down the corridor I felt panic for what could have happened to her. "Lil, what were you thinking? They could have been waiting for you, you could have been captured, tortured, killed!"

Lily stops abruptly and we all rush not to slam into each other. "A lightening bolt could strike me when I'm walking outside, I could slip in the shower and crack my head open, I could choke on a piece of sausage. Potter, there are a million things that could go wrong for any person in this world every day, that doesn't mean everyone stays inside afraid to live their life. You have _got_ to stop babying me ok? We are in a war now, stop focusing on what could go wrong and start focusing on what we can make right ok?"

I nod, not even sure how to respond to that.

"Look, we can talk about this later, right now we need to get out, safety first remember?"

Lily grabs each of the boys hands and begins to tug them but neither are willing to be moved.

Lily gets down to their level and releases them; giving them some space from her and the situation.

"Sweetheart, we need to go now ok? We can't stay here, it's not safe,"

One of the boys looks up at her fearfully. "Are you going to chew on our bones like the other man said he would?"

My heart breaks at that moment. Those poor, poor boys.

Lily surprises me yet again with her strength and shakes her head, smiling gently. "No, we're not going to hurt you, and we're not going to let anyone else hurt you either ok? We just want to take you back to your parents and keep you safe, but for us to do that we're going to need you to be brave again for us, we're going to need you to do exactly as we say, when we say, do you think you can do that for me?"

His brother steps closer and wraps his arms around Lily's neck. "I don't wanna die,"

"You're not going to," Lily said firmly. "We need to move fast now, can you do that,"

He shakes his head and points to his twin's ankle which is swelling up at an alarming rate.

"Ok, we'll just have to carry you then,"

"No!" his twin shrieks as Lily tries to pick him up, flinching from her touch.

Damnit, how the hell were we going to get anything done now? How were we going to get out if we can't move the kid?

"I've got an idea," Sirius says and then he runs back the way we came.

"Sirius!" I yell. "Where the hell do you think you're going!"

He doesn't reply, but moments later a huge, black shaggy dog trots up to the little boys and lies at their feet.

"It's a horse!" the injured on says.

I understand what Sirius is trying to do and jump at the chance immediately. "Do you want to ride the horse?" I ask.

"Horsie, horsie!" they both chant and permit me to quickly scoop them up and place them on Sirius's back.

"We good to go now?" Remus asks and Lily and I nod briskly before setting off at a steady jog again.

We all jog in silence except for the boys that are quietly giggling in glee behind us on Sirius's back. I smile a little myself at how simple life is when you're younger; of how much I envy them for their innocence and naivety.

In my thoughts I haven't been watching where I'm going and I trip over something and land on my face in a heap.

"What the hell?"

I move myself into a sitting positon and that's when I notice what I've tripped over; Bellatrix's too still body. I scramble backwards frantically until Lily holds her hand out to me.

"Potter, relax, she's not dead,"

"_You_ did this?" I asked in surprise.

Lily shrugged. "Well, she obviously wasn't just going to let me stroll in and rescue everyone was she? Don't worry she'll be up and about in a couple hours, so we need to get going,"

Remus shakes his head in awe and is the first out of the door with Sirius and the twins not far behind.

"You, my love, are so beyond amazing I don't really have the words,"

Lily grins and pulls me to my feet. "I know, but please, continue telling me,"

I chuckle as we walk out the door casually, shutting it behind us firmly; like we were just any other couple leaving for a stroll with the kids, our dog and a friend, like we were every day people in this neighbourhood; like maybe we belonged.

LILY

"So, where now?" Remus asks as we hover slightly at the front threshold, figuring out our next move.

"I suggest anywhere but here," I replied. "We don't want to be here when Bellatrix wakes up trust me; she's going to be very, _very_ pissed off,"

"Bitch!"

I winced slightly. Damn, I knew I should have hit her a bit harder. "Ok, too late, let's go,"

"How are we going to get the boys out of here? They don't want us to touch them and I'm not sure Sirius is that talented that he can apparate in dog form," James replied.

A sharp pain began to spread from my left shoulder and intensify. What the hell?

"Fuck!" James cursed and grabbed Sirius's nose. "You apparate, or you change back and don't give them a chance to scream, you got it? We are leaving now!"

I didn't hear if Sirius responded or not because my eyes were on my left shoulder where an arrow, a goddamn arrow was wedged through.

I let out a hysterical giggle. Arrows. Really? This wasn't the middle ages anymore, didn't that bitch have anything more creative?

As another arrow whizzed past my ear I snapped to attention and pulled my wand out.

"I don't know where you are staying," I say to James tersely. "You're going to have to lead me there"

James grabs me by my right arm roughly and then I feel the earth moving from around my feet. I close my eyes and focus on some of my favourite things; daffodils, snow, fairy bread, cuddling with James, kittens, sunrises…

When I open them again I am lying on a bed, bleeding onto the sheets. When the hell did I fall asleep? Is this the hotel? Am I even alive?

"Hey! You're in the land of the living,"

I whip my head to identify who is speaking to me and find Sirius grinning.

"How long have I been out?"

"Ten minutes so I guess not that long, but we have all been pretty worried, Prongs actually considered slapping you he was so scared,"

I look around wildly and then cry out in pain.

"Ah yeah, sorry about that, we haven't really had time to deal with the arrow yet. Pfft arrow, seriously Bellatrix? Who does she think she is?"

I chuckle but stop when I realise that hurts too. "Where's James?"

"He's just calming the boys down while Remus contacts Dumbledore and we organise handing the boys over,"

I must have some weird expression on my face because Sirius quickly rushes to tack on. "I forced James to call Dumbledore, I don't think I can stand watching him brood while he stares over you anymore, and I figured when you woke up you didn't want to be ambushed by his 'I'm only angry because I'm concerned about you' act,"

I smiled at Sirius warmly. "You could well be my second favourite boy Sirius,"

Sirius sits next to me, pulls my legs onto his lap, takes my shoes off and starts to rub my feet; it feels so good I almost forget about the pain in my shoulder; almost.

"Well Ms Potter, you are most definitely my best chick friend and the sister I wish I had,"

"What's this wishing business?" I demand. "You got me, bum shoulder and all and in true sister form, you can't ever get rid of me,"

Sirius smiled at me sweetly. "You're alright Lily, you know that?"

I flicked my hair over my shoulder. "I know,"

Sirius chuckled and patted my feet gently. "Prongs was right in enduring the torturous years to land you in the end,"

I rolled my eyes. "Torturous years?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow in return. "Did you, or did you not set his bed on fire because he asked you to keep him warm at night."

I giggled and his my face in my right hand. "Oh god!"

"I rest my case,"

A deep voice cleared his throat and we looked over to see James leaning against the door, with his arms crossed, frown on his face.

I closed my eyes to keep from rolling them. "Potter, if you tell me you're jealous I will personally yank this arrow out and shove it somewhere not very complimentary,"

I opened an eye to see James' face relax slightly. "Well, Sirius is good looking, you're good looking I just thought…"

"Hold up just one second here!" Sirius boomed and both James and I flinched at his tone. He left the conversation open for a few moments before finally adding. "…You really think I'm attractive huh?"

And that was all it took for the tension to melt away and for all of us to start laughing; well the boys anyway, I was trying not to make any moves that were going to intensify the pain in my shoulder.

"How are you doing beautiful?" James asked tenderly as he walked over and kissed me on the forehead.

"Oh you know, I'm just chilling here with an arrow stuck in my shoulder, bleeding on the beautiful sheets, biting back the urge to scream, so…normal day for me really,"

James tweaked my nose. "That's my girl,"

"So, what's happening?" I asked through a wince as James balled up some towels and pressed them against my shoulder.

"We're all going to meet up with Dumbledore in about an hour to hand over the boys, apparently a couple others have been found too so it will be a big reunion. You're going to stay here though and we'll meet you back after,"

"Why an hour though, and why the hell can't I come?"

Both Sirius and James looked at me like I'm crazy.

"Lily, I don't want to alarm you…but you have a freaking arrow through your goddamn shoulder! You are in no condition to travel and you need immediate medical service, we've sent for a medic already and we're going to stay with you until James here is satisfied you're not going to die,"

I pouted my lips and glared. "Listen, I think we're all aware that, that is never going to happen. You can't keep me here, you can't leave without me, you can't tell me what to do and you can't treat me like I am a child, because I'm not. Now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way, it's really up to you,"

They both looked at me blankly and then Sirius started to laugh and clapped James on the shoulder.

"Didn't I tell you mate? The little firecracker isn't just going to lie down, she's going to want to be in the action, you should have just got the medic in and taken her with us so we saved the argument,"

I beamed up a Sirius. "You may have just made it to my number one favourite Sirius,"

James scowled. "If you pass out in front of everyone, don't think I'll be catching you,"

Sirius snorted. "We know mate, she'll be in your arms already so you won't need to,"

James didn't get a chance to reply because Remus walked in with whom I assumed was a medic.

"We all good?"

James nodded curtly so taking that as his cue Remus walked into the room and his face lit up when he saw me.

"Lil! So glad to see you doing alright, good thing red is your colour huh?"

I looked down to my soaked shoulder and smiled wearily, feeling a bit dizzy. "I'm definitely working the look huh?"

The medic was called Jude and extremely nice and gentle…well as gentle as anyone can be when they yank a forty centimetre arrow out of your shoulder.

"This is the last bit ok? Take a deep breath,"

I took a deep breath and then the last shard was pulled out and the pain…oh god the pain isn't something I can even describe. My body jacked off the bed so James, Sirius and Remus all had to hold me down as I writhed around and screamed bloody murder at the very top of my lungs.

For a few moments there I almost wished I would die, I prayed for a swift death because anything would have been better than feeling like you were combusting from the inside out while you were stabbed repeatedly.

"You're alright," Jude told me in his soothing voice. "You're doing alright now, you've been very brave and should be very proud of yourself. I'm dressing the wound now ok? I have a few vials for you to take one twice a day which will speed up the healing and you should be all fine in a few days,"

I nodded, my teeth still gritted as my eyes began to roll behind my eyelids. "This will be the last time I play the damsel in distress, I promise you that. I'm bloody sick of hospitals, medics and scars. Last time,"

"Lily, you are never the damsel, believe me," Sirius assured me.

"Bravest person I know," Remus added.

"Just rest beautiful," James said finally, his calming voice sending me deep into my own head.

Sets of hands stroked my hair, my legs, my forehead, my arms as I drifted slowly away from the world into the darkness, into the numbness and into the peacefulness of nothing.


	58. Chapter 58

Hey everyone, another quick update for you. A bit substandard this chapter but i promise i'll try to make the next one good and filled with lots of cute moments :)

As always I need to mention my favourite readers in this whole world; Gadhudaj, .forever1993, ravenclawLupin11, XXJAMESLILYXX, funinthesun55, owugirl10, Kat, TmoVie, Malala94, caragrace, October Dusk, DobbyLivesAgain, Loveheartx, Adorkably Adorkable, JacobsImprintGirl, Opa12, XxX-SparklingEyes-XxX, -Scp-, AnyOtherWay, The DA is dressed to the nines.

Amazing amazing amazing. I love you all xxx xxx xxx :D

* * *

JAMES

"Dude, you cannot just leave her there sleeping," Sirius told me firmly.

"Sirius, she has just had a goddamn arrow go through her shoulder, I think she deserves some rest,"

"All, I'm saying is; that if you don't want an arrow or something worse through yours than maybe you should consider waking her,"

I growled deep within her throat. "That's my wife, I think I'd know what's best for her,"

Sirius growled back. "Yeah, you would _think_ after all these years you'd know who Lily is, and that she isn't the type of person who will accept just being left behind. I know you love her Prongs, I've been hearing about it for enough fucking years to figure it out, but you need to stop trying to be her father and just be her husband ok? She is not some wall flower that needs protecting, she needs supporting. I'm trying to save your goddamn marriage here!"

My fists clenched of their own free will and fury pumped through my veins.

"James,"

I was broken from my rage focus but Remus's quiet voice. "Sirius is right, Lily won't forgive you for letting her get left behind. I know you're trying to do right by her, but you're not the only one that cares about her ok? We all love Lily too and would never want anything bad to happen to her, Sirius is acting on the best behalf of you both. If it helps, think of it this way; if she's with you, you know she's safe,"

I stalked away from my best friends, pacing the room as I let their words sink in. I knew they were right, of course they were; Lily would resent me for leaving her behind and effectively treating her like she was too fragile to help, but it was near impossible for me to allow her to be put in harms way. Knowing what is right and doing what is right are two very different things and I was desperately struggling to find the balance between the two.

God, when had I become this uptight person? Didn't I use to be fun and carefree? Didn't I used to be relaxed and impulsive.

I ran my hands through my hair restlessly, trying to sort myself out.

"Prongs? You know I'm not trying to piss you off right?" Sirius asked quietly; painfully. "Please don't shut me out now mate, we all need each other more than ever; no one should be getting left behind,"

I sighed and let my head hang. "I know, you're right, you're usually right about this stuff I just…I can't lose anyone else Sirius, I really don't know if I would be able to live through another loss of life for a loved one, and I don't know how I would get out of bed in the morning knowing I was responsible for any of it,"

Sirius enveloped me in a one armed hug. "Mate, this is a war, unless you're double crossing us and you're secretly a death eater than there is just no way in the world you could ever be responsible for any of us dying alright? And really mate, I've got to be honest with you here, I don't think you can rid yourself of us that easily; in fact, you're going to be seeing so much of us from now on you'd probably wish we would have a little "accident""

I punched him lightly. "You're an idiot,"

"And you're my best mate, so I'm not ever going anywhere, Lily is your wife, she's yours forever too, so you have to worry less, I'm beginning to think you earned that head boy badge and that scares me more than any of this war,"

I chuckled lightly and ruffled his hair. "You're a ponce you know that? But I love ya,"

Sirius bat his eyelashes. "Of course you do, you think I'm good looking remember?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me and turned towards Lily only to find she was wide awake and staring at me…and she was not very impressed at all.

"Honey, you're awake! How are you feeling?"

"Very testy," she replied. "You were going to leave me here? I mean, you actually _considered_ leaving me here!"

I looked over at Sirius who gave me a 'I told you so' look, then I turned back to Lily, raising my hands in surrender. "I was just concerned-"

"Urgh James, that's enough. Next time I'm going to push you into the damn arrow and then when you want to fight I'm going to place you on bed rest and you can sit at home and worry about whether or not anyone will be alive to come home to you!"

I froze for once seeing things from her point of view and feeling extremely guilty. I would hate that more than actually fighting and risking my life; waiting at home without knowing what's going on or who may or may not have made it would kill me, eat me slowly up inside until I steadily grew insane.

I sat down next to her and took her right hand in mine. "I am so sorry love, I've been an over protective tool. I can't promise that I'm going to change over night or anything, but I can swear that I will do the best I can and definitely use my head more in making better decisions to help everyone; not just my peace of mind,"

Lily nodded slightly, lips still pursed. "I'm still mad at you, but I'm willing to allow you to make it up to me,"

My eyes lit up as I realised what she was implying. "Is that so?"

Lily nodded and withdrew her hand. "Yes, _after_ we return the boys and have our meeting, it must be time to go right?"

"Yeah, like ten minutes ago," Sirius replied.

"Alright, well what are we waiting for? Hey, where are the boys anyway?"

"Downstairs playing hide and seek with Mildred,"

Lily sighed. "Sirius, do you really think getting them to hide is such a great idea when we just risked our lives finding them?"

"Don't be silly Lil, of course it's a great idea, they're having the best time down there, finally getting to be kids and Mildred is pretty awesome, even if she has terrible taste in men,"

He sent Remus a playful smile which I could tell Lily didn't quite understand before wrapping and arm lazily over her shoulder.

"Come on fearless leader, let's go return these kids and hopefully win a medal or something,"

Lily grinned and nudged him lightly with her hip. "I don't know about the medal but we might get some gold stars,"

Sirius's face lit up. "Do you really think so?"

Lily chuckled and shook her gorgeous head and moved away, grabbing my hand as she went.

"Sirius, if you can keep your mouth shut for twenty minutes and if we don't have to chase around after the twins; _I'll_ get you the gold stars,"

Sirius rushed to open the door for us both. "They better be big ones,"

*

"Where the hell is everyone?" I asked as I paced back and forth across the large room we had been told to wait in.

"Probably gathering the parents," Remus replied as he picked at the dirt under his nails.

"I wanna go home!" one of the twins screamed.

"We're about to take you home soon honey," Lily replied soothingly.

"No, not soon NOW!" he screamed, kicking her in the shins, hard.

Before Lily could even exclaim in pain properly I was there, grabbing the kid by the arm firmly.

"You do not hit people, do you understand me? And you never, _ever_ hit a woman. Your parents would be ashamed of you! Now, you apologise to lily right away or I will put you in the naughty corner and I might not let you see your parents until tomorrow,"

His bottom lip dropped and began to quiver but none the less he turned to me, looking bashful. "Sorry I kicked you,"

Lily rubbed her leg but managed a smile. "That's alright, it's been a rough week for you, I understand. Why don't you go and keep your brother company,"

"Okay,"

Smiling like nothing was wrong, the whole incident forgotten he skipped over to where Sirius was in his huge dog form and being ridden around the room.

Lily grinned up at me and pulled me into her arms. "Mr Potter, terrorising five year olds for my sake?"

I smiled back. "Hey, I don't care what age, gender or species, no one hurts my woman!"

Lily giggled. "You're going to be a pretty good dad you know that?"

"Well thank you, I think you'll be the perfect mum,"

Lily scoffed. "James, there is no such thing as the perfect mum,"

"That's because you're not a mum yet," I replied with a wicked grin.

"Let's keep it that way for awhile ok?"

I smacked Lily's butt lightly, before squeezing. "Ok, but we can keep practicing right?"

Lily's reply was cut short by the extravagant double doors opening and the Prewett twins, Frank, Alice, Peter, Marlene Kckinnon and six young children entering the room.

"Lily!" Alice shrieked and ran over to throw her arms around Lily as Frank and the boys came to greet me, Sirius and Remus and Marlene just hovered near the door, holding a little red haired child's hand. As Peter pulled me in for a hug I kept my eyes on Lily, noticing her wince as Alice squeezed her tight, yet not making any move to pull out from Alice's comforting touch.

As Alice pulled away I noticed two children, about the ages of three and six clinging to a leg each of hers.

"Playing baby sitter?" I joked as I walked over and wrapped my arms around Lily's waist.

Alice sighed and stroked the little girls hair. "It has been one hell of a week, we travelled to India to find these two,"

She wobbled a bit and I noticed how tired and much older she looked as she balanced herself. "It wasn't very easy,"

Frank moved quickly to pull Alice against his side protectively. "You did great love, we got them out safely,"

Water pooled in Alice's eyes. "Not all of them…"

As she turned into Frank's shoulder to cry, I raised an eyebrow in question at Frank. "We were too late for…for their eldest brother,"

My heart twisted as I put together what this meant; a bittersweet reunion.

"How many kids have been found so far?" Sirius asked each of the twins sitting on a shoulder, pulling on his ears and hair.

"We're not too sure," Peter replied as he and Marlene joined the group. "We were all assigned different families; Marlene and I brought our little one back, Fabian and Gideon brought back the triplets with little drama, Alice and Frank…"

He let the sentence go unfinished as Alice choked back a sob and pulled the two children closer to her.

"We got the twins," Remus finished. "So, how many children are left unaccounted for…one way or another?"

"Just one,"

We all spun around to find Dumbledore and a group of parents waiting at the rear entrance of the room.

It was all chaotic after that, with not much coherent conversations being about to be heard above the mother's sobbing, children's excited shrieks and dad's soft sobs.

I watched the reunions with torn emotions; unsure if I felt relieved, happy, heart broken, bitter, angry or content with seeing the happy little faces cling to their parents as their parents tried to force smiles through their tears.

Turning away from the families I moved over to Dumbledore with Lily.

"Sir…where's Professor McGonagall and Mr Moody? Weren't they meant to be here with kids too?"

Dumbledore looked strained and looked down.

"Sir? If twelve kids were missing and you've located all but one…where are the other three?" Lily asked in a much too high voice.

Dumbledore sighed. "Unfortunately, today is as much a happy day as it is a tragic day. Professor McGonagall and Alastor fought very hard to try and retrieve the three children…it was a trap however as the children were already dead and hung up on display as they arrived…Professor McGonagall is taking some time off rotation for awhile…until she feels…herself again,"

I nodded, knowing how hard McGonagall would take it, how she would blame herself and cry and bleed for those children although they were her own.

"God how awful," Marlene sobbed before running from the room.

"Mr Pettigrow…would you mind?" Dumbledore asked and with a nod Peter rushed to follow Marlene.

"Who is missing than sir?" Remus asked. "Do you need us to help?"

"Thank you Remus, but this I will handle myself, I promised the boys father I would return him in one piece so his wife could finally get some sleep,"

"Who's the father?"

"Mr Barty Crouch,"

LILY

"Crouch's son? The head politican? Vying to one day be Minister?" Frank asked.

"The very same, which is why I must be make haste to bring the boy back home before it is too late,"

Was it possible for your heart to be too broken? Could you even survive with the amount of pain your body was capable of storing? Would you even want to?

Two warm hands landed gently on each of my shoulder's, I looked up in surprise to see Fabian and Gideon on either side of me, their bodies pressed tightly against mine so even if I had no strength to stand on my own; they would keep me up.

I smiled in gratitude and relaxed my worn body a bit; allowing them to share in my burden.

"I am very proud in each and everyone of you," Dumbledore told us fervently. "You have each shown maturity, bravery and skill beyond your years. It pains me to put so much on your shoulders, to burden you with the worries that no child nor adult should ever have to face, however you hold the burden well and each and every single day that you awake and find the strength to face another day, you make me proud, you make your parents proud and you make yourselves proud. Thank you all for being my inspiration to get up every morning when the task seems to over whelming."

We all stood staring at a very emotional Dumbledore; completely touched by his words and without any kind of a response to justify how we felt about him.

Dumbledore seemed to understand as he nodded at us and smiled gently. "I really must hurry off now, I am sorry to always leave you in such times of desperation, I believe that one day we can all meet under happy, normal circumstances with no chance of threats what so ever. It is a time I live and pray for. Get some rest now, it is most certainly well deserved,"

With a final nod and smile Dumbledore took off to excuse himself to the remaining families before apparating out of the room.

As one we all sighed and slumped a little right where we were standing.

"Is anyone else tired?" I asked as I lay down on the floor, the cool tiles refreshing against my skin.

"I am beyond exhausted," Alice agreed. "I could probably sleep for a week,"

Sirius elbowed Frank playfully. "Looks like you're out of luck for sexy time mate,"

Frank punched him in the shoulder playfully in response.

I smiled at the boys and then leant my head back on the tile as two young faces clouded my vision.

"Oh!"

"Lily! We're going home now!"

I smiled up at them even though I didn't think I had the energy to. "That's great boys,"

"Tyler and I are gonna miss you," the more outgoing twin told me.

Tyler smiled shyly then bent down to press a little kiss to my cheek. "Bye bye!"

My ice cold heart began to melt slowly as they blew kisses to me while running backwards to their parents.

"Makes it worth it doesn't it?" Remus asked as he offered his hand.

I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet. "It doesn't make the pain any easier, or the situation any better, but it gives me a reason to keep fighting," I reply.

"I think we've had enough fighting and war for today, why don't we go home?"

"Hell yeah!" Sirius said pumping his fist in the air. "I have a beautiful woman awaiting my speedy return, wouldn't want to leave her hanging,"

"Only because she'd kick your arse," Frank quipped.

"My dear Frank, who is the say I wouldn't enjoy it?"

Frank shook his head with a grin and pecked Alice on the cheek.

"So, who's place are we heading to?" Remus asked.

"The girls are waiting at mine, so how about we all meet there just so Carla and Violet can see with their own eyes that everyone is safe, trust me you will just end up there anyway,"

James nodded at Sirius then took my hand. "Sound ok honey?"

"You heard him, we'd end up there anyway,"

"I'll take that as a yes," Sirius said. "Come on, let's go home."

*

As soon as my feet touched solid ground it was about three seconds and then I was knocked off my feet, hitting my shoulder hard on the floor.

"Fuck," I swore as I could feel blood start to seep out of the wound again.

"Well, not quite the welcome I was expecting," Carla told me, still on top of me.

"Me either," Sirius said flatly as looked on, clearly miffed that it wasn't his arms Carla had jumped into first.

Carla stuck her tongue out at Sirius and then turned to me. "Aren't you excited to see me? It's been forever!"

I struggled to reply as the pain in my shoulder had me winded and too distracted to think clearly.

"Well?" Carla demanded, as she pushed the hair out of my face affectionately.

I closed my eyes, willing my lungs to work and my shoulder to back off a bit and just when I thought I had it all covered I felt oddly free and able to breathe again.

I opened my eyes to find James had lifted Carla off me and was holding her steady away so I could have some space.

"Come on Potter," Carla whined. "You get her all the time, share the love,"

"She's injured," James replied stiffly. "I'm not too sure being knocked on her arse again is going to help her heal,"

Carla's eyes filled with panic. "Injured? What happened?"

She pushed past James just as Violet and Alice broke free from Frank and Remus and all crowded around my feet.

I felt a blush spread across my cheeks at all the attention. "Bellatrix shot me,"

"Shot you?" Violet asked. "With what? Where?"

"In my shoulder," I said quietly. "With an arrow,"

A silence spread through the room and I swear I could hear crickets chirping.

I pushed myself into a sitting position and looked at the horror in all my friends faces.

"I'm fine though guys, really," I tried to assure them.

Carla shook her head and leant forward to gently kiss my injured shoulder. "I think you need to work on keeping yourself healthy and hole from now on, seems too often we're sitting by you and waiting for you to be right on your feet again,"

I hung my head, suddenly ashamed, all of my injuries, my stupidity stacking up on me. "I'm pretty useless huh?"

I felt Alice's hands rubbing my back in slow steady circles. "Useless? I don't think so. You only ever get hurt because it means someone else doesn't. You got shot saving your two boys who are home and happy with their parents; look at me; all in one piece and I couldn't bring the three kids home, I had to bring home two kids and a body, if anyone is useless babe, it's me,"

I looked up to see Alice's eyes fill my tears; as I searched for something to comfort her with Sirius spoke up.

"Stop right now!"

The hardness in his voice froze everyone and even forced the tears threatening to fall down Alice's face to still.

"We're not doing this right now ok? We're not going to have a pity party. Alice, you brought the family two kids back, it could have been three bodies, you should be so proud of yourself, Lily, you are the biggest bad arse I know, you make an arrow wound look like nothing more than a splinter, you are like my hero. Both of you girls are amazing and need to be holding your head high; not talking yourself out of how great you are, if we're going to be in this war, I could not feel safer with you guarding my back."

I felt tears building up in my eyes at Sirius' confidence in me.

Clapping his hands together once he grinned at me warmly. "Alright, so let's get out of here tonight."

"What do you mean?" James asked. "Go where?"

"Anywhere dude! We can hit a club, a pub, see a movie," suddenly his face lit up. "Mini golf! We _have_ to go and do mini golf!"

"What the hell is that?" Frank asked.

Sirius looked incredulous. "Are you kidding me? It is only like, the most amazing game ever! Carla took me when it was her turn to pick date night and you have sticks like when you're de-gnoming and there are like giant animals and stuff that you have to hit this tiny ball through to get to the other side to fit it into this tiny hole,"

"What's the point of it though?" Remus asked doubtfully.

Sirius threw his hands up in desperation. "To have fun!"

Violet frowned. "I don't know Sirius, I think everyone is a bit tired. We should organise to do it some other time,"

"No, because there will never be another time, it will just keep getting put off. Come on guys, for one night why can't we just be teenagers? Why can't we just go out and do something pointless and fun and enjoy being young enough to get away with it? Let's go out tonight and start enjoying life instead of wrestling with it."

Everyone looked around doubtfully and I could tell they weren't really into it, weren't sure we were even capable of a night out. I looked at each of their faces; saw the age lines that had arrived years before they should have, noticed the weariness in their eyes, the defeat in their stance. I looked deep into James eyes and saw his normal spark dimming and that's what made up my mind for me.

"I'm in," I said loudly.

Sirius roared in delight and picked me up and spun me around in a circle. "Yes! You, little sister are definitely a favourite of mine."

He put me down gently and turned to everyone else with his arms crossed. "Well, Lily and I are going to keep ourselves young, are you coming or not?"

James sighed deeply. "I suppose I should go to make sure you keep your hands to yourself,"

"And I'll go so you don't abuse the animals again," Carla said.

"We're in," Alice said.

"Us too," Violet replied.

Sirius smiled. "Pack mentality, I love it! Alright, we'll leave in twenty,"

"Why not now?" Violet asked.

Sirius sighed deeply. "Because Lily's shoulder wound is bleeding again and I figured she might want to clean herself up so she feels fresh for the fun,"

At that moment I could have kissed Sirius for knowing me so well and understanding.

"Thanks Sirius," I said with a smile.

Sirius winked. "I got your back too, now off you go. Awesomeness awaits!"

*

"Was this really a good idea?" James asked me as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Frank has tried to use magic five times, Sirius is obsessed with the hump back whale in a way that concerns me, Alice has knocked out the guy that works here with her club and we've only got up to hole three,"

"It's a great idea," I replied. "I haven't seen everyone this relaxed in…well since school actually, look over at Violet,"

We looked over where Violet was laughing freely as Remus attempted to pose next to the flamingo to distract her from making her shot.

James smiled. "Yeah, it's nice to do some relaxing for once,"

I grinned wickedly. "Yeah, you definitely need it, you're so tense, no wonder you made head boy,"

James grabbed me around the waist as I tried to run away and pinned my up against the fake gingerbread house. "Tense huh?"

"Yep,"

James moved his body against mine, splitting my thighs with his, kissing my neck and tracing his hands up and down my pant lie.

"Still tense?"

"Ya huh," I replied, slightly out of breath.

"Hmm.. maybe we should take this party home and you can loosen me up?"

"We're meant to be having fun with everyone," I reminded him.

"If we went home my love, I guarantee we'd have some fun…just not sure you'd want everyone watching."

I laughed and pushed him away from me slightly. "Come on, we still have the whole course to go through,"

"Sirius, get your putter out of the whale's arse!" James called abruptly; I couldn't help it I burst out laughing.

"It was consensual!" Sirius called back.

"He's such a child," James said, shaking his head.

I looked over at Sirius who was now pretending to French kiss the penguin statue and blew him a kiss.

"He is. God, I hope that never changes,"

James rolled his eyes and pretended to catch the kisses Sirius was blowing his way. "Yeah…me too,"


	59. Chapter 59

Hey everyone :D

Just a another super short one for you. It's just a mushy, fluffy one with no real point but i think it's needed, what is life without love after all?

Hoping as always that you are all doing well.

Thanks to the following uber awesome people; Itz Gideon, The Kerl, , Megan and Charly Love HP, Adorkably Adorkable, Malala94, ravenclawLupin11, SecretlyAGryffindor, owugirl10, shroomy-eyes, October Dusk, hello-goodbye146, DobbyLivesAgain, funinthesun55, TmoVie, The DA is dressed to the nines.

You never cease to amaze me with your dedication and kindness, i love you.

xxx

xxx

xxx

* * *

JAMES

"You've got to grip it firmly," I told Lily. "Clasp it in your hands and then mount your legs over,"

Lily grunted from beside me. "James, I think it's too thick for me,"

"Don't be ridiculous love, there's nothing you can't handle, get on top now,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're so pushy, what if I don't want to get on top? What if I don't want this?"

I sighed deeply. "Honey, this is a part of our whole reconnecting to the normal world, remember?"

Lily pouted her lips. "I don't see how learning to fly on a piece of wood is relevant to being normal,"

I tweaked her nose gently. "Love, this was my turn to pick, flying is a huge part of my life, it makes me feel free, with no ties to the world, see things from a different perspective. If you gave it a chance you'd really love it, I mean come on; I made friendship bracelets with you last week,"

"That's not fair, I learnt how to fly in Hogwarts, you can't say I didn't give it a chance,"

I chuckled. "I don't think one lesson qualifies as learning, especially since if it weren't for your pride you would have kissed the ground when you got back,"

Lily wriggled away from the broom and sidled up to me, deliberately shifting her butt right against me so I could feel every slight movement she made.

"Come on James…I'll bet we can find something more exciting to do together to bond…I'm sure I can take you flying some other way,"

I smirked knowing full well where this was going, and willing to play along…just for a little bit anyway.

"Really? Hmm…that does sound tempting, can I up this offer to a shower instead?"

Lily turned to me and her eyes lit up, sensing a victory was near. "I think that can definitely be arranged,"

I pressed my lips gently to her neck and felt goose bumps greet me. "Do you promise?"

Lily gasped a little bit. "I promise,"

I grinned and released her, stepping away from her body. "Good, then we can wash off the sweat together after we've finished flying,"

Lily turned around and smacked my chest gently. "No, that's not fair!"

"What's not fair is you using your seductive charms to get out of our deal, a promise is a promise young lady and if I had to endure six hours of friendship bracelets and scrap books you can deal with two hours of flying,"

Lily pouted her lips and crossed her arms. "I don't want to,"

"Give me three good reasons why not then,"

Lily lifted her head defiantly. "I don't know what I'm doing,"

"Which is why I'm going to teach you, next,"

"It's going to ruin my hair,"

"Tie it up in a pony tail or bun and you'll be fine and we're having a shower after so I'll wash it for you, last reason?"

Lily hung her head to hide her blush and replied quietly. "What if I fall off?"

I softened and pulled her close into my chest. "Lily, I love you more than life itself, do you really think I would let you fall? That I would allow even the slightest chance of you being hurt or in pain? Never. Here, climb on and I'll ride with you, I won't let anything happen to you, I promise,"

Lily paused, and I could see her running through the different scenarios of what could go wrong in her head, but then as she met my eyes there was a determination in hers and she gripped the broomstick with both hands and climbed on.

"You coming?" she asked bravely as she released the broom for a moment to tie her hair up.

I grinned broadly, hopped on behind her, wrapped my arms around her waist to steady the front of the broom and pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

"Are you ready Mrs Potter?"

"Not really, but let's go anyway,"

I chuckled and kicked off from the ground firmly but more gently than I usually do.

Together we soared into the sky, our little cottage, the ground, the streets, all of our usual surroundings left behind as we embraced the open air.

"It's cool huh?" I asked after a half hour of silence.

"Mmm hmm," she replied weakly.

"I grinned. "Baby are you even looking?"

"Of course I am, those are some pretty trees down below,"

I chuckled. "Lily, if you opened your eyes you'd see there are no trees where we are,"

"Oh…yeah I know, I was just seeing if you were paying attention to me, you know how unobservant you are sometimes,"

I let go of the broom with one day and Lily's eyes immediately snapped open. "What are you doing? Why did you let go? My eyes are open they're open, grab back on!"

"Lily, with your iron clasp I doubt it's even possible for you to fall off or necessary for me to even hold on at all."

"Put your damn hands back on!"

"Only if you promise to actually have a look," I countered.

"Fine!" Lily snapped and directed her gaze to what was below and around us, focusing on the view instead of her fear.

"Oh…" she said softly as I placed my hands back on the broom. "It's beautiful,"

I shuffled myself closer to Lily so I was chest to back in closeness, my head peeking over her shoulder so I was seeing what she was seeing.

It really _was_ beautiful; below us the ocean was blue, clear and crashing onto the white beach; and the sun was beginning to set so the golden orb met the blue water, creating a golden shimmer on the surface.

"So beautiful," Lily repeated and actually let one hand release it's death grip to comfortably lean back against me. "What is this place?"

"It's where I used to come to think about you," I reply. "Where I made all my genius plans to win you over,"

Lily giggled. "Genius plans huh? Remind me, how many of them worked exactly?"

"All of them," I quipped. "I got you to marry me didn't I?"

"I'm still not convinced there wasn't foul play involved in that,"

"Foul play? See here woman I won you fair and square!"

"_Won_ me? I'm not a fair prize James," Lily told me, amused.

"But if you were, you'd be the best one available, and the hardest to win too," I replied.

"And you happened to be the lucky recipient of said prize?"

I nuzzled her neck gently. "That would be me ma'am,"

"And what do you plan on doing with this amazing prize you have claimed as your own?"

I smirked broadly. "Well, I do believe I was promised a shower to get all the sweat off…and then perhaps some other activities to add some more sweat,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Doesn't that defeat the point of the whole shower in the first place?"

I grinned wickedly. "Ah, but that's what the second shower is for,"

Lily chuckled. "And so the circle of life continues,"

I nibbled on Lily's ear briefly. "So what say you prize of mine? Home it is?"

Lily shrugged. "I suppose I did promise you, didn't I?"

"You did," I told her fervently. "You really, really did,"

"Keen much?" Lily laughed.

"Love, the sunset is not the most beautiful thing out here, nor does it offer the kind of comfort I'm looking for,"

Lily wiggled back, giggling as I inhaled a breath quickly. "You are such a pervert,"

"I am your husband," I replied, trying to remain focused as Lily continued to wiggle. "I am merely exorcising my right as a man to take the hottest woman alive whom I happened to be bonded to, back to my bed,"

Lily laughed out right now. "Ok, ok, before you start to beg, let's go home,"

I grabbed hold of the front of the broom and steered our way back home, excitement building up in my chest…among other places.

"You know what?" I asked, breaking our comfortable silence.

"What's that pretty one?"

"Flying isn't so bad…with you anyway,"

I smiled broadly. "Maybe we could do it more often?"

Lily nodded. "I think I'd like that,"

"I would too,"

"You're not going to try and make me practice Quidditch with you though, right?"

"You're not going to make me set up a friendship bracelet booth at a fair or anything right?" I countered.

Lily burst out laughing. "No, I think we're safe on that,"

"Good, then we're safe on the Quidditch practice, it's kind of a me and Sirius thing anyway,"

Lily turned slightly to study my face. "You look sad, how long has it been since you guys have hung out, one on one?"

I sighed, when had been the last time? Weeks? Months? God, I don't think I could even remember the last time it was just us two mucking around together. Life sure does change. I guess war does that.

"Awhile," I finally replied.

"You should send an owl, ask him over for boys night,"

"Boys night?" I repeated, trying to think of ways to explain to Sirius that Lily would be there too.

"Yeah," Lily said, speaking slowly to tease me. "It's where all boys spend time together doing boy things without girls,"

"Without girls?"

"Gee Potter, you're so slow today! That's the point of boys night isn't it? Did you honestly think I was going to intrude on that? I'll have a girls night or go and visit mum and dad's grave or something, you just let me know when you have it all planned and I am gone for the night,"

I filled with pride and love. "Have I ever told you how much I love you lately? How amazing you are?"

Lily mock frowned. "No you haven't, you're getting kinda rusty on the corniness,"

As we neared the ground I grabbed Lily from around the waist and rolled us both onto the ground, wrapping my body around hers so none of the short fall would impact her or harm her in anyway.

"Whoa," Lily giggled as we lay flat on our backs.

"I'm better with actions than words," I told her huskily as I jumped to my feet and then gathered Lily in my arms, heading right for the door.

"You're such an animal," Lily told me in a purr.

"You going to try and tame me?" I growled back, running for the bedroom.

LILY

Waves. I was drowning in waves as ecstasy as James surged above me. Every move sent a new wave of lust and passion through me, every kiss, every touch was more intense than the last.

As James thrust against me again I bit into his shoulder to keep from screaming out loud and sending the neighbours in.

His gentle hands touched me, caressed me everywhere and soon I was writhing around in pleasure, completely separate from the world, existing only to serve James and have him serve me.

My needs animalistic in the sense that I craved his body, his warmth, his touch and nothing else could satiate me.

"God," James moaned and rolled over so I was now on top, pressing my hands on his chest as a guide as I used my hips to move myself up and down in a slow rhythm.

"You…are…perfect," James gasped as he sat up and began to kiss down my neck as I continued to pump up and down.

I arched my back as I picked up the pace and the warmth began to spread all through out my body, my hands starting to shake.

James continued to caress me like I was the most precious thing in the world and kiss me tenderly as I bit down on my lip hard enough to make it bleed as an orgasm slammed into me hard as James came at the same time.

Gasping for breath I rolled over, taking the sheets with me.

"Well…wow," James whispered as he tucked me into his side, playing with my hair.

I smiled in contentment, my leg still shaking the orgasm off. "Do you feel you exorcised your right as a husband properly?"

"Love, I may never need to exercise again after that work out. You are…sensational,"

I glowed with pride. "You have to say that, you're stuck with me for life,"

"Lily, you are forgetting that I did the whole 'try before you buy' thing and you have blown my mind from day one, and even if we never had sex, spending my whole life with you would be worth it,"

I blushed slightly and kissed his palm. "You've got your corniness down pat again lover,"

"I aim to please my dear," he replied wrapping me up tighter in his embrace.

We lay in silence for a while, dozing off occasionally but staying close, always remaining entwined with each other, wanting to be as close physically as we are emotionally.

"Do you know what the best part of this day was?" James whispered sometime later.

I smirked. "The hot, sweaty sex?"

James tickled me gently. "No, although that was pretty mind blowing. The best part was…spending the whole day with you without any drama, no deaths, no fights, no war and no interruptions. If I could live my whole life in the memories of today; it would be the best life anyone has ever lived,"

"I love you," I replied simply. "And I'm going to love you every day from now until we die, and if there's an after life, I'll love you then too,"

"Oh I know that," James replied. "You've made me like six different bracelets symbolising it,"

I nudged him playfully. "Way to ruin the moment hot head,"

James laughed and turned me over so we were face to face. "You know how I feel Lily. You are my life, as long as I have you, I have something to wake up for,"

I smiled and pressed my lips against his. "That's what I like to hear."

With a groan and a lot of effort James sat up. "Guess I better go and make us some dinner,"

"You're going to cook?" I asked.

James moved off the bed and raised an eyebrow. "We've been through this, it's a new age, men do the cooking now,"

"Will you make me dessert?"

James grinned wickedly. "I just served it to you,"

I threw a pillow at his head which narrowly missed as he dived out of the room, laughing loudly.

"Put some clothes on," I called. "You'll scare the neighbours."

"Let them look!" James replied, raising his voice about five decibels. "Let them admirer Lily Potter's love slave as he works hard to please his woman in every way possible!"

I giggled and snuggled in closer to the blankets. Life was definitely on the up.

*

"What the hell am I meant to get him? A studded collar?" I asked James sarcastically.

James tweaked my nose affectionately. "Add a leash too and I'm sure him and Carla would love it,"

I cringed in disgust. "Oh ew James, now I'm going to have that image in my head all week,"

He leant forward seductively. "Would you live a different image?"

I giggled and pushed him away. "Be serious! This is our best friends eighteenth birthday, I want it to be special!"

James looked at me funny and I suddenly felt self conscious. "What? Is there something on my face? _Is there a spider in my hair again?_"

James laughed and ruffled my hair. "Death eaters are no problem but spiders and you have a grade A melt down? You are an enigma. No, it's just that you said 'our' best friend not 'your' best friend,"

I froze. Shit, was I going to get in trouble for that? Did James think I was trying to wedge my way in between his and Sirius's friendship?

"Relax Lily, you're not under fire. I like it, is all. I like that you and Sirius are so close; my two favourite people united; makes life easier,"

I smiled. "Well, that's swell and all but can we please focus? What are you getting him?"

"Tickets to the world cup in Bulgaria," James replied casually.

"What?" I asked loudly. "You got him tickets to the Quidditch world cup? How the hell did you manage that?"

James grinned and tapped his nose. "It's not what you now, it's all about who you know,"

I folded my arms; not impressed.

James raised his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. One of the organisers is one of dad's old best friends; he owed me a favour or two and this counts for one,"

I sighed and hung my head. "How am I ever going to compare to that?"

"You're not," James replied simply and I felt like I'd been slapped.

Gentle hands tilted my chin up. "You can't compare to that because the present is from you and me, as a married couple we do own half of everything the other buys,"

I could feel my face light up. "Really?"

James wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "Really, really."

I smiled up at him, then sighed. "That's really sweet of you James, but I want to get him something from me too, something meaningful that he's going to love,"

James kissed the top of my head. "You will, you got a full three weeks to figure it out,"

"That's if no one tries to kill us in that time,"

James laughed. "Look on the bright side; if we die you get out of the present,"

I kicked him gently in the shin. "Very funny Potter,"

"You know, it's often been said I am more than a pretty face,"

I rolled my eyes. "Said by whom? Your ego?"

"Ouch love, ouch,"

I grinned. "Please, that isn't nearly enough to even make a dent on your self confidence,"

James winked. "I know, but I play hurt so well. Listen, if worse comes to worst, just make Sirius one of your famous friendship bracelets, I know he'll love that, pink suits his skin tone best,"

A thought occurred to me; so brilliant I turned and jumped into James' arms.

"You're brilliant, do you know that?"

James grinned and held me up by my butt. "I'm willing to prove to you just how much,"

As he threw me over his shoulder, pounded his chest and made a beeline for our room, I giggled wildly, my face flushed with joy. These were the moments to live for; this was what life was really about.


	60. Chapter 60

Hey precious ones :D

How was Mother's day for everyone? Spoil your mum's?

This is just a short, super filler chapter for you just to add some more lightness before it starts to get a bit more intense again with the next chapter. I wish it would be all sunshine and rainbows forever with them but as you all know; that's not realistic and it would get so boring…fast.

Anyway, I'm hoping this isn't too much of a disappointment for you all.

To the people that brighten my days constantly with their kindness; Jen103, coolcarissa11, October Dusk, Loona22, JacobsImprintGirl, RavenClawLupin11, UndercoverHufflepuff, XXJAMESLILYXX, Itz Gideon, missyca23, Clover Bay, hpdreamer500, , Albuslover8101, TmoVie, AnyOtherWay, DobbyLivesAgain, Malala94, The DA is dressed to the nines, -Scp-, funinthesun55.

I love you. Thank you. You're all wonderful.

Xxx xxx xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

Cramped and uncomfortable we waited, not so patiently for Sirius's big reveal. So far and very true to form; he was an hour late to his own surprise party and we were all getting restless.

"What the hell could be taking so long?" Frank hissed, trying to untangle himself from me.

"We should never have let Carla be the one to bring him; three guesses on how they got 'distracted'" Alice replied.

"But she knew we had a planned time of arrival, she wouldn't make us wait just to hit it and quit it right?" Peter asked quietly.

As one Lily, Alice and Violet turned to him with matching; 'have you never met Carla?' expressions.

Remus sighed. "We should never have let Carla be the one to bring him here,"

"How long do you think we're in for?" Frank asked the girls.

Lily looked thoughtful; no doubt trying to calculate the average estimate of Carla's freakiness.

"It shouldn't be too much longer; even if she did allow herself to get… 'carried away', she knows we're all waiting here and she's well aware of my temper,"

I grinned and ruffled Lily's hair slightly. "Thank god for the fury of the fire head,"

Lily rolled her eyes and nudged me. "Are you trying to incur the wrath?"

I raise my hands in surrender. "No ma'am, not at all, please don't beat me,"

"Lily would never do such a thing!" Peter told me indignant on Lily's behalf.

There was a pause where one could count to three exactly before everyone else burst into laughter.

"What?" Peter asked. "What's so funny?"

"Worm tail; just the other week she hit me so hard with my own damn broomstick I bruised my tail bone and all because I may have, possibly…maybe insinuated that her grip of the hard length was that of a pro and asked if should I be worried about her extracurricular activities,"

Peter went red as Lily covered my mouth with one hand, digging her nails into the small of my back with the other until I was positive she was drawing blood.

"Don't listen to them Peter," Lily told him innocently. "It's all lies, looks like it's only you that knows me well,"

Peter flushed with pride and then looked away before I could catch his expression change.

With a _pop_ Fabian stood stoic as ever in the room. "He is on his way now, positions everyone quickly!"

Scrambling around to make sure we were all hidden from first glance view and as comfortable as could be, we waited with more excitement this time.

It wasn't long before we could hear Sirius and Carla making their way towards us.

"Babe, I don't understand why you are so deadest against me going to hang out with Prongs today, I haven't seen my best mate in forever and it is my birthday you know,"

"Are you going to have sex with James?" Carla asked lightly.

"What? No! I have told you so many times before, I have no idea why Lily is so obsessed with that, we're just mates alright?"

"Alright; well _I am_ going to have sex with you in nothing but my own birthday suit and you are going to love every minute of it, you are going to beg me for more, and soon you're going to thank me profusely for all the effort I've put in,"

"Oh that sounds so _sexy_, why can't we just skip going inside and let me take you right here?"

There was a shuffle where I could imagine Sirius had Carla backed up against the wall; trying to crawl into her right then and there.

A loud smack; Carla hitting him.

"Get off me you idiot; let's get inside first,"

"It's not like we have neighbours," Sirius grumbled.

"Yeah, and nothing says romance like being slammed against a door with the door knob digging into your back as you struggle to maintain the passion whilst ignoring how uncomfortable you are,"

"Alright, alright, I'll go run us a spa then shall I? Or did you just wash your hair and would prefer the bed so we don't get it accidentally wet?"

I turned to Lily who was grinning.

_How thoughtful_, she mimed.

"Spa will be fine Sirius, now open the damn door, you're wearing my patience thin!"

"Alright!" he snapped under his breath before going on about women and their craziness.

Still muttering incomprehensible things Sirius threw the door open, completely oblivious to us all hiding and began to storm off to their bedroom.

Everyone began to throw panicked glances frantically at each other, trying to figure out what our next move would be since he was now not in the mood to even acknowledge us here.

"Oi Sirius!"

Lily screamed aloud and Sirius kept walking, albeit a bit slower.

"Excuse me? Turn around and look me in the eyes when I'm talking to you, you ponce!"

In frustration Sirius whipped around. "What is it now, woman? I'm going to run the damn spa, isn't that what you wanted? What is you have to whine about now?"

"Happy freaking surprise birthday," Lily snapped before gesturing to us quickly.

"Lily?" Sirius asked in surprise, obviously mistaking her voice for Carla's before.

"Yes me you idiot, all of us actually,"

On cue we all jumped out, blowing our little whistles and screaming a now half hearted 'surprise'!

"You did all this for me?" he asked, turning to Carla now.

"It would seem that way wouldn't it?"

Sirius's cheek twitched. "I said I didn't want to do anything for my birthday, no fuss, no party and definitely no surprises,"

Carla crossed her arms over her chest. "Obviously, I didn't listen,"

Sirius stood frozen in place, staring in confusion at all of us for a few moments before slowly, his face spread into an infectious grin.

"Bloody brilliant!"

Moving quickly he swept Carla into his arms and dipped her low for a romantic kiss.

"Uh mate?" I asked timidly. "We're still here…in the room with you,"

Sirius set Carla upright again and turned to us with his grin so wide it nearly seemed impossible for his mouth to stretch that wide.

"You guys are the best!"

Rushing forward he grabbed me and lifted me over his shoulder, spinning me around before dumping me square on my arse, then grabbing Lily in a bear hug, being infinitely more gentle with her.

"I'm sorry I called you a ponce," Lily said ruffling Sirius's hair.

"Nah that's ok, I kinda _was_ being one and this party so makes up for disobeying my orders,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Sirius, you need to understand that this isn't the nineteen forties; women are going to go out of their way to disobey you just so you know we're not going to treated like a loyal pet,"

Sirius laughed. "Lil, you would never be able to be a loyal pet, you'd be a wild sphinx or something,"

Lily beamed with pride. "Damn straight!"

"Enough of this touchy feely stuff," Carla cut in. "Let's open the presents,"

"Presents!" Sirius shrieked and actually jumped up and down in excitement. "Where, where, where?"

Carla rolled her eyes but was smiling as she pushed Sirius into the tall single chair they had in their family room.

"Sit still or I'll have to get James to pin you down,"

Lily opened her mouth with a wicked grin and I raced to cover it with my hand. "Don't even try it love, I think today can be the day you keep the smart arse remarks to yourself,"

Lily sighed and nodded, pulling out of my touch then shhing me so that we could all focus on Sirius and his excitement as present after present headed his way.

Finally, after lots of joke shop goodies, alcohol and cute cards it was just me, Lily and Carla's presents to go.

"Well? Don't all rush at once then," Sirius said jokingly.

Lily stepped forward and handed him the small package. "It's not much," she told him shyly. "But it's meaningful,"

Sirius patted my hand gently. "Then it will be worth everything,"

We watched in silence as Sirius with very careful precision opened Lily's present, careful not to tear at the wrappers or ribbons, eventually it got down to a small black box. Sirius looked up at Lily with a mischievous grin.

"Proposing after all this time Lily? And in front of everyone else too?"

Lily lunged forward to swat Sirius across the back of the head. "Shut up and open it you idiot,"

Sirius saluted briefly and then opened the box. Inside was a fine, beautiful silver chain attached to some words in the middle.

Lily leant down to pick the necklace up to show Sirius. "It's an ambigram; see if you look at it this way it says 'family', but turn it upside down it says 'friends' because that's what we are; friends and family entwined, there is no middle ground or one or the other,"

I moved forward, took the chain from Lily and placed it around Sirius's neck as he brushed at a few stray tears down his face.

"Do you like it?" Lily whispered and the whole room went silent; awaiting Sirius' reaction.

LILY

Sirius remained silent, just staring at the necklace in it's box and my heart began to sink. Maybe this was a mistake, too girly a present go give a dude.

Damnit, why didn't I just sign my name with James' present?

With out warning Sirius jumped up and wrapped me in his arms again, keeping me close for several moments. "You're amazing Lily, I'm so lucky to have you as a best friend, I love you,"

"Hey, hey now, let's not get too carried away with all this touching and declarations of love," James said, moving himself so Sirius and I were separated.

I grinned and gave both boys a playful shrug. "Enough of this, we're holding up the present giving which in turn is delaying the partying everyone came here to do,"

Sirius nodded and then turned to James expectantly. "Come on Prongs, what is it this year? Dirty magazine subscription? New broom?"

James laughed. "Nope and nope, so much better than that,"

"Better than naked girls?" Sirius asked.

"Definitely,"

"This is going to be amazing, go on then, show me,"

James pulled out the envelope and passed it to Sirius who was nearly jumping out of his skin with excitement.

Showing none of the care he had with my present he ripped open the envelope to reveal the World Cup tickets.

Sirius stared up at James in shock. "Tickets…to the World Cup…in the Corporate box…"

James grinned. "Yep,"

Again Sirius rushed forward and held James in a head lock as he ruffled his hair and laughed loudly. "You sneaky, amazing, beautiful bastard! How did you manage this? Best birthday ever!"

James pushed Sirius off gently and chuckled along with everyone else. "Let's just say I have friends in high places,"

"You didn't have to get naked for these right?"

James rolled my eyes and punched Sirius in the shoulder. "No idiot, it's all legit,"

Sirius nodded. "Good, I don't want any tainted presents,"

Remus scoffed. "Yeah right, like that would ever stop you,"

Sirius clutched his chest. "I am offended!"

James clasped his shoulder. "No you're not,"

Sirius grinned. "I'm really not,"

"Are you guys going to kiss now, or can I give you my present?" Carla asked impatiently.

Sirius spun around, having just remembered he still had a present to go and wrapped his arms lovingly around Carla's waist.

"Babe, I thought we agreed your present was something we kept behind closed doors?"

Carla whacked him roughly. "Don't be such a perve, I'm not just going to have sex with you for your birthday,"

"Really?" Sirius asked. "Because that would have been more than enough if that's all I got,"

"Arse kisser," Alice whispered a my side and I grinned.

"Come on, it's outside," Carla told him and began pulling him towards the balcony.

"Oh man, you got my a doggy bed didn't you with some play things? That's awesome!"

Carla shook her head. "No Sirius, just shut up for once in your life and go and have a look at what's in the back yard,"

Sirius pushed past everyone excitedly to go and have a look at what wonder was awaiting him below.

Skidding on the front porch, Sirius looked around frantically for his present when finally his eyes widened as he noticed what was sitting on the green grass, a red bow tied around it.

"Babe?" Sirius asked quietly. "Is that for me?"

Carla nodded and smiled. "It is if you want it,"

Not even bothering to use the stairs, Sirius jumped from the balcony onto the floor and ran to where his brand new motor bike now stood.

"That is a smooth ride," Frank said with approval.

"Definitely a lucky son of a bitch," James agreed.

"It's the most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on besides Carla of course," Sirius whispered as his shaking hands gently ran across the smooth black and silver exterior of the bike.

"I don't deserve you," Sirius whispered and he pulled Carla into a hug, hiding his emotions from everyone but burying his face in her black hair.

"It flies too," Carla told him proudly.

Sirius lifted his moist eyes to stare at Carla in awe. "It _flies_?"

"It certainly does, only the best for my man,"

"You are the perfect woman, did you know that?"

Carla giggled. "I've often thought so,"

"Well, let's go then,"

"Go?" Carla asked in confusion.

"Yeah, let's go, take off, take a ride, go for a spin, test out the new machinery,"

"But this is your party,"

Sirius grinned. "Exactly, so I should be able to do what I want; and what I want is to take the most beautiful girl in this universe for a ride, besides; Prongs and Moony will make sure everything is under control and the party kicks off, right boys?"

James and Remus both nodded as Carla turned to them for assurances.

"I just don't know though…have you ever ridden a bike before?"

"Have I ever let you down?" Sirius countered.

"No…I guess not," Carla replied grudgingly.

"Awesome, then it's settled, hop on princess; I'm going to take you for the ride of your life,"

Carla hesitantly got on behind Sirius and held on so hard her knuckles were turning white.

"Looks like you on a broom," James whispered to me. "Must be a girl thing,"

"It's a common sense thing," I retorted. "If our feet are on the ground there's no way we're going to fall down is there?"

James winked. "I'm sure I could find a way to get your feet off the ground,"

I grinned as I waved goodbye to Carla and Sirius. "How about you start by getting me a drink,"

James pulled me close for a sweet kiss. "Anything for you Mrs Potter,"

"Take the boys with you too," I called after him. "I'm sure the rest of the girls are parched too,"

James raised an eyebrow. "You're pretty lucky I love you,"

"You're pretty lucky I love you back,"

James bowed. "Touche pretty one, touché, now if you will excuse me; I must get a beverage for my lady before I'm chained up and whipped,"

I smacked James on the butt as he trotted off.

"Whipped? How kinky," Alice teased as she joined me.

"What's kinky?" Violet asked.

"Lily," Alice said with a wink.

"Oh, is this meant to be new info?"

I bumped my hips against theirs. "Shut up,"

"She's not denying it," Violet grinned.

"Next subject," I said pointedly.

Alice raised her hands. "Okay, okay, truce. It's going to be a nice night don't you think?"

I nodded with a soft smile. "I think it will be,"

Violet conjured three chairs and then offered me and Alice one before taking her own. "We've had a good couple weeks actually…considering,"

I nodded. "Definitely could have been worse,"

"Is James going with Sirius to the World Cup?" Alice asked.

"I think that's the plan, he got Remus tickets too,"

"Why not Pete?" Violet asked.

"Apparently he's already going with someone else,"

Alice raised her eyebrows. "Who?"

I shrugged. "Beats me, he's pretty solitary these days, poor guy, must be hard having to be the ninth wheel all the time,"

Both girls nodded in sympathy with me.

"Well, we should definitely go too," Alice said after a few moments.

"Go where?" I asked.

"To the World Cup, Frank is going with some of the Hufflepuff guys and so since all our men are going; we should tag along too,"

"We don't have tickets," Violet told Alice in a slightly condescending tone.

"Do you honestly think we'd be watching the game anyway?"

I grinned. "She has a point; so what, you just think we should come along for the ride and just enjoy the sights of Bulgaria?"

"Why not?" Alice replied. "It would be good to get some fresh air and see a different country and if we're there the boys can't get into too much trouble can they?"

I giggled. "I can see Carla loving this plan,"

"So it's settled then, we'll go,"

"Do you think the boys might get mad?" Violet asked quietly.

I waved her concern away. "No chance at all, they get their boy time at the actual game and get to keep an eye on us as well; win, win for everyone really,"

Alice beamed. "Yay! So we're actually going to do this, our first holiday away with us all,"

"What holiday?" James asked as he walked up with Frank and Remus, each holding a drink for themselves and for us.

"To Bulgaria," I replied. "We decided we better go to make sure you don't end up in jail or anything,"

Remus smiled brightly. "What a wonderful idea, a nice group holiday, and Carla there to reign Sirius in,"

"It was Alice's idea," I said, rubbing Alice's leg gently.

Frank leant down and pressed a kiss against Alice's forehead. "That's my girl,"

"We're just going to go and do the rounds on Sirius's behalf but then we'll be right back for some canoodling ok?" James told me, pushing a piece of hair behind my ears.

"Okay," I replied leaning forward to press my lips against his.

"Can you make some food too?" Violet asked.

"Sure honey, what do you feel like?" Remus asked as he rubbed her back.

"Everything," Violet replied and Remus laughed.

"Everything it is, we won't be too long,"

With a last kiss from each of our boyfriends; they all trotted off together; leaving us all warm and content.

"I propose a toast," I said, raising my glass of champagne. "To best friends, boyfriend and the rest of our lives enjoying both,"

Alice and Violet raised their glasses but strangely I noticed Violet didn't take a sip from her glass.

"Vi, you do know it's not a proper toast unless you drink to it right?" I teased gently.

Violet smiled shyly. "Oh, I know, I just don't have any thing to drink,"

Alice furrowed her brow in confusion. "You're holding a glass in your hand right there,"

Violet blushed. "I just don't feel like drinking alcohol tonight,"

I laughed. "It's an eighteenth, that's what you do! What are you, pregnant?"

Violet's blushed deepened and she didn't reply.

"Violet?" I asked, all traces of humour now gone from my voice. "Are you pregnant?"


	61. Chapter 61

Sorry it's so late, as always I am very, _very_ thankful to the amazing reviewers; Opa12, I love slash porn, Dom-Loves-Kel, xXTwylaXx, October Dusk, hpdreamer500, Itz Gideon, Malala94, ravenclawLupin11, Loveheartx, TmoVie, DobbyLivesAgain, The DA is dressed to the nines, byakugan princess, funinthesun55.

I love you all, thank you, for being the high point of any low week.

xxx

* * *

JAMES

I watched Lily with sharp observation; trying to decipher with her body language just what the hell had happened at Sirius's party to make her act so weird these last couple of weeks.

Nothing helped so far; she remained loose and happy as she giggled with the girls over what they had no doubt forgotten to pack amongst the things they shouldn't have packed at all.

It was driving me mad this whole situation; how the hell was I supposed to fix whatever the hell was wrong if she didn't communicate with me?

"Prongs! You listening?"

I swung around towards Sirius's voice. "Of course I am,"

"What did I just say then?" he demanded, his hands on his hips.

Shit.

"Um…that Carla better have packed more than just clothes in that huge suitcase of hers so there's a reward after you lug it around for her?"

"Aha! See! That's not what I was thinking Prongs, this proves you weren't…wait a minute…why _wasn't_ I thinking that?"

I smiled; relieved I had a distraction and clapped him on the shoulder. "That's why I'm here mate, to think for you,"

I didn't hear what Sirius responded with because at that moment I finally noticed what I'd been looking for; Violet going to reach for her suitcase and Lily practically jumping over everyone to get to her first so that she could take Violet's bag; eyeing Violet's stomach the whole time.

"No fucking way," I gasped.

Sirius gave me a funny look. "Um…yeah Carla _did_ make me pancakes for breakfast; you're not the only one with the awesome girlfriend…wife…whatever,"

"What? I asked, distracted as my mind went into over drive.

"You're not listening again are you?" Sirius asked in frustration.

"Sorry," I replied in a non committal way.

"What the hell is your problem?" he asked as he followed my gaze. "Lily helping Violet? _That's_ what's stunned you beyond belief? That your wife, who has no problem with running into a burning building to save people who are most likely already dead would want to carry her friends bag for her?"

I didn't reply, just stared as Violet and Lily struggled over the bag until finally Violet stumbled back, a look or horror in her eyes as she clutched her stomach and Lily frantically pulled her to her feet steadily.

"Well? You going to answer me?"

"Sirius, you ever think about kids?"

I may as well have slapped him across the face she way his head kicked back.

"W-what?"

I let his question hang in the silence so he could wrap his head around the question and I could wrap my head around what the hell I was thinking in asking him such personal questions.

Sirius slowly stared at me, and then over at Lily and Violet a couple of times before the light bulb went off in his head.

"You don't mean…you can't…pregnant!"

"I have no proof," I hissed. "So don't go flapping that big mouth of yours,"

"Shit James this is like…out of my counselling abilities…I don't know, maybe you should try just asking her? I hear honesty is the best policy,"

"Are you crazy! That's a pretty personal thing to ask!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Isn't that the point of marriage? You share everything with each other?"

"I'm not even sure Lily's one hundred percent certain of it herself,"

"Don't be daft Prongs, it's her body, of course she's going to know,"

"Her body?...Wait…you don't mean…Lily isn't pregnant!"

Sirius looked like he wanted to punch me. "Isn't that just what we've been talking about?"

"No! At least that's not what I've been talking about," I told him frostily.

"Then what the fuck have you…oh….oh! Oh shit! You're not saying Violet.."

I smacked my hand over his mouth. "No, I'm not saying that and either are you, this conversation never happened ok?"

Sirius licked my hand and I immediately removed my hand.

"Disgusting Sirius!"

"Shouldn't have put your hand there then. All you had to say was that this had to be kept on the down low and I would have backed off straight away, I _can_ keep a secret you know,"

"What secret?"

Both Sirius and I jumped as Remus joined us. My mind flashed blank as I looked for a cover up, fortunately or perhaps not so fortunately for me; Sirius didn't.

"James is asking what I think about kids,"

I stepped on his foot hard as Remus smirked.

"Kids already James? Don't waste anytime do you?"

I cringed. "Lily isn't pregnant; I was just asking what Sirius would do if he were to become a dad at this age,"

"And?" Remus pressed.

Sirius looked taken back for a moment before answering slowly.

"Guess I'd have to kid proof my house and get Carla a ring,"

"Just like that? No worries at all, you'd be totally cool with it and just act accordingly?"

"Nah mate, I'd be scared shitless but I take care of my own, so I'd have to man up and do what's best for my family, I mean, wouldn't you?"

A dark shadow passed over Remus's face. "Kid's aren't on the table for me,"

"Well, obviously not right now…or did you mean ever?"

"Not ever,"

I stared at Remus in horror. "What?"

"I have been very lucky to have found you guys, that you have been so supportive and gracious of me and my…I have had a pretty good life, I'm content for the most part, but I will never be normal. Ever. We don't have the guarantee that any child of mine will escape this…curse of mine. I can't, no, I will not subject anyone else to a half life, I will not allow this…sickness within me to ruin anyone else's life,"

"Moony, I don't think your kid-"

"That's just it James…you don't _know_ do you? If any of you do have kids I will be so happy for you, I will give mu life to keep them safe and treat them like they are my own, but I will never _ever_ have any to call my own, that's just not a chance I'm willing to take, I'm sorry,"

I had no response for this, what the hell was I meant to say; 'surprise I think your girlfriend is pregnant'?

"Well, what does Violet think about this?" Sirius asked stiffly.

Remus shrugged. "We haven't really talked about it,"

Without warning Sirius grabbed Remus by the scruff of his shirt and shook him a couple times. "If you're having sex, then you should have spoken about it, don't be such a selfish prick,"

With a final shake Sirius stormed off, leaving the most awkward silence imaginable between me and Remus.

I forced an optimistic smile. "So…Bulgaria huh? Woo! How exciting,"

Remus eyed me shrewdly. "What was that about?"

I shrugged. "You know how Sirius is,"

"Yeah, I do. He's never like that without reason,"

"Must be the new environment then,"

"You're lying," Remus accused.

I sighed. "This is meant to be a nice holiday,"

Remus nodded stiffly. "Alright, I suppose we could go without some drama for once,"

I clapped him on the shoulder. "You got that right, come on, if we don't hurry we're going to miss the port key,"

Remus sighed. "I'll be surprised if we can make it there with all the girls' luggage,"

I grinned. "Happy days my man, happy days,"

As we approached the plank of wood, the girls in a giggling frenzy, Remus moved over to Sirius.

"Uh Padfoot? Listen mate, I want to apologise-"

"Do you think the weather is going to be cold?" Sirius asked abruptly.

"I'm not sure mate, but what I'm trying to say is-"

Sirius sighed and held his hand up. "Moony can't you see I'm trying to ignore the whole bitch fit I just had? You're not working with me here!"

Remus smiled warmly at Sirius and impulsively pulled him into a hug. "You're the oddest person alive you know that?"

Sirius turned his face up. "I choose not to be insulted by that comment,"

Remus laughed and ruffled Sirius's hair.

"What's with the bromance?" Lily asked as the girls skipped over.

"Not fighting that's for sure," Sirius replied with a wink.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm going to just let that one slide, we ready to go?"

"Did you pack enough?" I teased.

Lily frowned. "I think so, I didn't really know what we needed to bring so I sort of just packed for everything, do you think that…"

Lily broke off when she caught the look on my face. "You're teasing me aren't you?"

I pinched the air. "Just a little bit,"

Lily smacked me hard against the chest. "If you feel that urge come around again…remember that pain,"

I caught my breath then gave her one of my most winning smiles. "Ooh Evans you are turning me on,"

Lily pulled me closer to her. "I'm not Evans anymore, remember?"

Hot flush ran through my whole body as I moved my face so it was inches from her lips. "Say that again,"

Lily smiled smugly. "I'm not…Evans…anymore,"

I leant in to kiss Lily but before our lips could touch a hand was thrust in my face.

I closed my eyes, not even needing to check who the culprit was. "Sirius Black…"

"Don't start with me Jimmy boy, we're due to leave in twenty seconds and none of us wanted to get front row seats to you and Lily's marital play time,"

I sighed and released Lily slightly. "Alright, alright,"

Lily winked at me as she moved away to grab onto the plank. "We'll finish that later,"

I felt my pants tighten slightly at her coy remark.

Before I could give her a sly remark I began to feel my navel being pulled forwards and then my feet weren't on the ground anymore.

Instead of closing my eyes like usual I locked contact with Lily, her green eyes keeping me grounded and safe. I kept my eyes locked onto those captivating green gems until finally there was back ground noise and I had solid ground underneath my feet.

"We're here," Violet breathed in wonder.

I let the plank fall from my fingers and forced myself to tear my gaze away from Lily's, only to find my eyes assaulted by so many different colours I felt my head spin.

"World cup!" Sirius bellowed at the top of his lungs.

I smiled brightly. "Here we come,"

LILY

"Are you sure you don't want to try and get some tickets from scalpers?" Remus asked Violet, rubbing her back affectionately in their embrace.

"Quidditch is the sport played on the ground right?"

All of the boys heads whipped around to stare at Violet in horror. Violet let out a high pitched giggle and shook her head.

"I know what Quidditch is guys, my point is that unless you want me asking distracting, useless questions for the whole match, maybe it's best this is just a boy thing,"

Remus beamed at Violet brightly. "Have I ever told you how perfect you are?"

Violet blushed. "Maybe once or twice,"

"Once or twice?" Remus asked in mock surprise. "Unacceptable, I'll definitely have to step my game up then,"

"Uh guys? Speaking of the game, we're going to miss it if we don't get a move on," Frank reminded gently.

Remus sighed and pulled Violet close and I was touched by just how close their bond was; and so terrified about how much it could with stand before it broke.

"Honey?"

I turned around to see James staring at me in concern. "What? Did you say something?"

James sighed dramatically. "Oh just the secret to life, but no biggie, I'm sure it wasn't too important or anything,"

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry I wasn't listening, better?"

James grabbed the loops in my jeans with his thumbs and yanked me closer. "I think it's going to take a bit more than that,"

I leant in seductively. "Oh really?"

"_James!_"

James grit his teeth as he closed his eyes once he heard Sirius whining. "Of course it's just going to have to wait a couple of hours,"

I smiled wickedly. "Oh, I'm sorry, this was the kinda deal that had an expiration on it,"

James paled and gave me a stern look. "Devil woman,"

I grinned and pranced out of his grasp. "Off you go then, go fight kill, or whatever it is the motto is,"

"Do I get a kiss goodbye?"

I inclined my head to Sirius who was practically ready to burst out of his body from impatience. "Don't really think there's time Potter, maybe if you're a good sport Sirius can stand in for me?"

James groaned in frustration. "You are the most frustrating woman, have I ever told you that?"

"Only when you're trying to sweeten me up," I replied as Sirius grabbed James' arm and began to yank.

"Play safe boys," I called after them cheekily.

Sirius stuck his middle finger up in reply.

"Try not to get into any fights," Alice called.

"You girls don't get yourself into any situations in which you need saving," Frank replied sternly.

Carla blew a raspberry at him. "Puh-lease, we're far away from all the drama at home, how much trouble could we actually get into?"

"You better go and touch wood that nothing bad happens," James yelled back as they began to briskly move out of sight.

Carla rolled her eyes and turned her attention to me. "You husband is always such a downer with his constant expectation of death and doom, you need to tell him to lighten up,"

I couldn't hold in my laughter at that statement, practically bent over from the giggles that was racking my body.

"What? What did I say?" Carla asked confused.

It took my a few moments before I could calm my self down enough to explain. "It's just…listen to what you just said…and then think of how much bitching we did about the marauders at Hogwarts about how they never took life seriously, how they were always taking jokes too far and were too content in their own dream world of humour and fun. Times change huh?"

Carla, Violet and Alice smiled back at me bitter sweetly.

"A lot sure has changed," Alice said softly.

Shit. Probably shouldn't have said anything. I need to boost the spirits back up.

"Who wants to see what the shops have in store? Or better yet, we can set up the tents for the guys and make sure it's decorated completely girly so they hate it but can't complain since we did all the work,"

Carla's face lit up immediately. "Oh my god, I am _so_ putting some tampons around the place, Sirius is so freaked out about that stuff,"

"I think boys in general are freaked out about that stuff," Alice told her.

"Not like Sirius," Carla said darkly. "Do you know what he said to me once? 'I don't trust anything that bleeds consistently every month and doesn't die,'"

Violet's mouth dropped. "That's terrible!"

Carla nodded. "Yeah, I know right? Which makes me think I should put them on his bunk or something,"

I grinned. "He'll freak out and you won't get any sex if you do that,"

Carla scoffed. "Please, it's Sirius and I have _mad_ skills,"

I turned my nose up. "O-Kay, maybe we can change the subject, does anyone have any news?"

Violet pointedly avoided my gaze. "Nope, same old same old for me,"

I glared at her as if to say _you're going to have to start telling people soon._

She glared back pointedly and the message read loud and clear _shut the fuck up._

"Sirius and I are thinking about adopting a puppy," Carla piped up randomly as we pulled out our 'tents'.

"Like a pet?" I asked. "As in; trying to get learn some responsibility or trying to decide whether you're going to be good parents kind of a pet?"

Carla's eyes widened in horror. "Oh _hell no_! This is a giving Sirius something to look after and relate to kind of a thing, there is _no_ way in _hell_ I am going to be having children anytime soon, or maybe ever, I don't know yet, call me selfish but I would be satisfied to have Sirius to myself forever,"

We all remained silent for a few minutes, thinking about what Carla had said; thinking about our own futures and no doubt thinking about whether any of us were really prepared to bring children into this world when we were barely kids ourselves.

"Frank and I have been trying,"

All three of us turned our attention to Alice.

"Trying for what Alice?" Violet asked quietly.

"A baby," she replied in barely a whisper.

I heard the pain catch in her voice and placed my hand on her back. "Trying?"

"It's not happening," she said bitterly. "I'm not sure if it's just the stress or me or maybe we're just not a good fit, it's just not happening and there isn't anything we can do about it,"

"Can you see a doctor or something?" Carla asked comfortingly.

"What are they going to tell me that I don't already know? What can they do for me that I haven't already been trying myself?"

I sighed sadly, some holiday this was turning out to be. "Sweetie, you shouldn't give up hope, you're still young, there is still such a huge ball of hope for you and Frank and there _are _other options; adoption or something like that,"

"I want a piece of me though," Alice said. "A piece of Frank, you know?"

"I know," I replied. "And you're going to have that, I promise you, you are going to have that,"

Alice smiled tightly. "Thanks, you are all so good to me, it really means a lot."

Carla gave Alice a peck on the cheek and took her hand. "Would it make you feel better if we died the tampons red and put them on Sirius's pillow?"

Carla's plan worked because Alice broke out in free laughter, all traces or sadness and bitterness wiped clean from her face.

"If you're not careful Carla, you're going to find yourself single,"

Carla shook her head. "I don't think so, we complete each other me and Sirius, to live without the other would be to live only half a life,"

I smiled, touched. "Is it weird that we're all growing up so fast? All settling down? Remember at Hogwarts that we never all had boyfriends at the same time…at least for the most part,"

Alice nudged me playfully. "That's because you were too stubborn to give into your feelings for James,"

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't even know I _had_ feelings for James until the very end,"

"Oh you did," Carla told me. "You were just in a very deep state of denial,"

I waved their comments away. "Before we rush into a huge debate on what I may or may not have felt, we should probably get the tents all set up, how are we doing this?"

"Me and Frank are sharing with Violet and Remus," Alice said matter of factly as she picked up the large package that contained their sleeping arrangements. "We'll go set up a bit over here,"

"Don't strain yourself," I replied, speaking only to Violet who pursed her lips at me and nodded slightly.

"Does this mean we're sharing?" I asked Carla a little fearfully.

Carla giggled at my facial expression. "You should see you face! No, we're not going to impede on your marital love den, Sirius got us our own little place and I can already see there's another small one for you and James so you're safe,"

I sighed in relief. Thank god I wouldn't have my sleep obstructed by their animalistic natures now.

"Stop looking so relieved or I'm going to get hurt by it," Carla chastised.

"Sorry," I replied sheepishly. "Guess we better get a move on huh?"

Carla grinned. "Race ya!"

Before I could respond she had scooped up the bag belonging to her and raced off to set it up a little way away from the rest of us girls. I sighed and bent down to pick up the remaining bag.

Guess I'd better hurry; I really hated to lose.

"Not bad," Alice whistled as she joined my side less than ten minutes later. "James definitely hooked you up,"

I smiled as I looked around the room. Instead of the dingy tent it appeared to be on the outside, it was a modern decorated two bedroom flat with kitchen and ensuite. There was a double water bed in the main bedroom with photo's of me, James and our nearest and dearest all over the walls.

I felt warmth spread all through out my body, it was moments like these I realised I had the most precious thing in the world; the best weapon against the war in my love of James Potter.

"I finished!" Carla called as she skidded into the room. "Oh…damn…I guess you beat me. Wow…James really went all out huh? Sirius has our flat looking like some bachelor pad…except for the glamour shots of me on the bathroom walls of course,"

"Why are they on the bathroom walls?" Violet asked.

I smiled at her naivety. "Oh honey, maybe it's best you don't ask."

"Oh…OH!"

Carla grinned. "I _am_ a goddess,"

I pushed her shoulder gently. "That's enough out of you for one day, how about we go and take a stroll around the grounds? See if we can see anyone we know?"

"That sounds nice," Violet replied. "I could use some fresh air,"

"Are you ok?" I asked in concern.

"I'm _fine_, I just need some _space_," she replied pointedly.

"Well, let's go get some lunch then," Carla suggested. "I could definitely eat some steak and chips,"

Alice chuckled. "I'm not too sure they have that sort of food here,"

Carla looked stricken. "But…what will I eat then?"

I tugged on her arm. "Come on, we can go and check,"

After some traditional Bulgarian food which Carla actually turned out to like; especially their pastries, we were walking around the camp, enjoying the open air and peace it provided.

"Should we head back soon?" Violet asked nervously as we moved a little deeper into the surrounding forests.

"We still have at least another hour before the boys get back here," Carla replied. "I don't want to be holed up in the apartment for the whole time, I need to feel the wind against my skin and smell the unpolluted air!"

Small sobs burst through the air.

"Whoa Violet, we can go back if you really want to, just please don't cry,"

"I'm not crying you idiot," Violet snapped.

"No…but someone is," I replied, moving cautiously forward to where the sobs were coming from.

"Lily!" Alice hissed quietly. "Curiosity always kills the cat, haven't you heard? Let's just go back,"

"Someone could be in trouble," I replied. "We can't just walk away,"

Alice sighed. "Everyone get your wands out then…just in case,"

We did as she suggested and ever so slowly and ever so silently crept deeper into the forest where two voices were starting to get clearer.

"Please….please don't do this," a boy sobbed.

"It's done," a girl replied harshly.

"I'm begging you, I'll do anything just don't do this, _please_ don't take away my everything,"

"Like I said, it's done, nothing can be changed. Stop snivelling at my feet, you made this happen, you forced the hand, maybe if you'd been a better man things could be different, but they're not and you are certainly not. Move out of my way, I'm done talking to you, just the sight of you makes me sick!"

There was some rustling and quickly we took cover behind some bushes as a Slytherin girl stalked out of the forest, leaving a sobbing and grimey Peter on the floor curled into a ball.

Signalling the girls attention we retreated from our spots and moved silently back to the bustle and hustle of the camp.

"Poor Pete," Violet finally said once we were in the clear.

"What the hell do you suppose that was?" Carla asked.

"I think that's the girl he was seeing," I replied.

"Oh my god, did we just witness their break up?" Alice gasped.

"Maybe," Carla replied sceptically. "But why is he here and not at the game anyway? Isn't he meant to be with his mother?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "This isn't an inquisition Carla, we should be feeling sorry for him and going to support him in this tough time,"

Carla nodded, still looking a little unconvinced.

"I think he wants some alone time," I said finally, trying to shake a weird off feeling I had.

"Well, we'll be there when he needs it," Violet said firmly. "In the meantime, shopping anyone?"

Carla brightened immediately. "Now you're speaking my language, let's go,"

As one they began to move forward as I trailed behind slightly.

"Lily?" Alice asked. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah…" I replied. "I'm just worried about Pete,"

"Oh I know, we all are, but he's going to be ok, he just needs some boy time to forget all about her,"

"What the hell was he doing with a Slytherin anyway?" Violet asked.

Carla looked back wistfully. "That, is a very good question,"


	62. Chapter 62

Hello :D

Thanks for being so, so patient! This year sure is zooming on by isn't it? Just insane that we're half way through the year, struggling to find time for anything! Anyway, little bit more action packed for you this time, hope it's to your standards :D

Really, as I say all the time, but never mean any less, this story is written for those that love the HP world like I do and fuel my passion to write more for you, this is dedicated to you all always; PottedLilies, Opa12, kiayame-san, adrian' dhampire, XXJAMESLILYXX, October Dusk, Sirius' Sweetheart, thesunwillshine, blueberrymuffin94, ravenclawLupin11, TmoVie, funinthesun55, owugirl10, The DA is dressed to the nines, JacobsImprintGirl, RiddikulusSnuffles, Loona22.

I love you all,

Thank you. So much.

xxx

* * *

JAMES

"Oh you have got to be kidding me! Did you just see that?" Sirius boomed shaking my shoulder.

I glared at him in annoyance; my shoulder beginning to feel bruised from his constant grabbing. "I _am_ watching the same game as you,"

"This is bullshit, what kind of an umpire calls that as a foul? I wasn't aware that we were watching little leagues and not grown men who are more than capable of taking a few shots!"

I sighed. "Mate, you're starting to make me regret getting you these seats as a gift,"

Sirius glanced over at me briefly before turning his attention back to the match. "Sorry Prongs, you know how I get,"

"I do, which is why I've endured having my shoulder battled for the past forty five minutes, seeing as this is all my doing, but I'm losing my – OH WHAT! THAT WAS SUCH A BAD CALL!"

Sirius grinned at me and thumped my shoulder again. "I know right? A blind man could have called this game better, it's pathetic,"

"Do you two mind? I'm trying to enjoy the game and your school girl bickering is distracting me," Remus told us quietly.

Sirius grinned. "Hey, a real man wouldn't allow anything to interrupt him from experiencing this, it's not my problem you find more enjoyment in gazing upon me and Prongs than the game,"

Remus shook his head in exasperation. "You're absolutely impossible, do you know that?"

Sirius beamed. "Oh I'm well aware of it,"

"Just checking,"

"I appreciate the concern,"

"Can you two shut your gobs for one minute, you're ruining this for me," Frank told them grumpily.

Sirius raised his eyebrows then turned to me to whisper. "Who knew Longbottom was such a sport fanatic,"

"He's a guy," I replied.

"Yeah, but he's one of those sensitive, in touch with their feelings guys, they're never predictable or anything like us normal guys,"

"I _can_ hear you, you know," Frank snapped.

Sirius's eyes widened. "You see? He's got super hearing!"

Frank groaned as I chuckled and turned back to the game.

While the rest of the guys were intent on the score board, I was staring at the players, from both teams, assessing their skill, watching how they flew effortlessly, the ease that they moved through the air. I smiled to myself, maybe one day that could be me. I would love that, to perform in front of millions doing what I loved with the people I loved the most supporting me.

"Prongs, what the fuck are the smiling about, didn't you just see? They caught the snitch, we lost, it's all over red rover. We suck, we are losers, we made this huge trip here just to watch our team get annihilated!"

I clasped Sirius on the shoulder. "But we got to do it together didn't we? You wanted more boy time together right? Well this was it,"

The harsh lines smoothed out from around Sirius's face and he smiled at me. "Yeah, you're right. This has been awesome and we definitely need to do it more often,"

"Are you two going to kiss now?"

I rolled my eyes. "Frank, you need to stop hanging around Lily and the girls so much,"

Sirius gave me an _I told you so_ look and inclined his head towards Frank.

I laughed and shook my head. "Do you reckon we should get back to the girls? They may have replaced us by now with some hot shot foreigners,"

Sirius looked stricken. "Oh my god…oh no, oh _shit!_"  
Remus grabbed his arm in alarm. "What? What's wrong? Are they in trouble?"

Sirius shook his head sadly. "No, well I don't think so, but we certainly are,"

"Why? How can you tell? What's wrong Sirius?"

Sirius hung his head in shame. "We left the girls in charge of setting everything up, do you know what this means!"

Remus, no longer alarmed but irritated let Sirius go. "That we have less work to do and you're completely insane?"

"Oh Moony, you are so naïve. This is every guy's nightmare; we are going to come back to pink, girly stuff _everywhere_!"

Frank clasped Sirius on the shoulder. "Maybe that's your nightmare mate, but I think I'm pretty safe,"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That's because you're used to the pink stuff, you've allowed it into your home so this is just a normal day for you,"

Frank raised his eyebrows. "You are pushing me very close to an unnecessary display of testosterone,"

Sirius allowed an indulgent smile. "Would you really? For me? Go on, show me what you got, go climb a mountain or thump on your chest,"

"Oomph!"

I grinned as Sirius doubled over, clutching his chest close. "Longbottom…I said thump…_your_ chest…not mine," Sirius wheezed.

Frank shrugged. "I felt this was more unnecessary and got the point across better,"

Remus was beaming from ear to ear.

"Why…are you…so…happy?" Sirius managed to ask.

"You know when you dream of something for so long and you sort of lose hope of it ever happening? Frank just realised my dream for me,"

Sirius glared at Remus. "You know Moony, I think I liked it better when you sat under the tree with your nose in a book and didn't say anything,"

Remus grinned and helped Sirius regain his balance. "You don't mean that, you know you love me exactly how I am,"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, can we just go now? I wasn't kidding about having our rooms destroyed; you have no idea how creative Carla is,"

I gestured to the huge crowd in front of us. "I don't think it's going to be just as simple as strolling out of here, it's chaos out there,"

Sirius grabbed the edges of my shirt and shook me. "Make it happen Prongs; I forgot to check Carla's bags before we left,"

Frank raised his eyebrows. "You check her bags? What are you, her father?"

Sirius glared at him. "Have you met my girlfriend? Hot as anything, but completely without any sense of boundaries; do you know what she packed on our last trip? Six packets of tampons, her television; half her wardrobe, a separate bag for shoes, her pillow, her own blow up mattress and a fish tank with three fish in it,"

Frank sighed. "In all fairness to her, she probably just wanted to make sure she packed for all the weather and occasions,"

"We were going to stay in a loft for one night for our anniversary; we only spent twelve hours away," Sirius replied flatly.

We all hissed in unison.

"Alright; let's try and hurry then," Remus finally said. No doubt wondering why he hadn't thought to check Violet's supplies now.

I pursed my lips; willing to bet big money that tampons would be the last thing he'd find.

Thirty minutes later, we were still unable to apparate back as we were stuck in the grounds trying to fight our way through the crowds to get to our girlfriends and wives.

"Busy night isn't it?" Remus asked, smiling a little.

"Oh only a few million people, not big deal," I replied.

"I guess the home town has started celebrations already, can you smell the smoke?"

Now that he mentioned it; I could. It was unmistakable now, and only getting stronger; although I couldn't exactly see where it was coming from.

"They're probably roasting a giant or something crazy like that," Sirius added.

"I don't think they have giants here Sirius or that they'd be able to get it to just lie down and be cooked," Frank replied.

Sirius nudged Frank firmly. "You knew what I meant Longbottom, geez lighten up a bit mate, we're at the world cup and they have Veela's!"

"Precisely why we should get you back to Carla in one piece before she cuts you into a million if you misbehave,"

"Pfft, like I would be that stupid," Sirius scoffed.

Frank opened his mouth to object but I shook my head to silence him.

"What's the hold up anyway?" Remus asked, craning his neck to try and see further ahead of us.

"Crowd mentality I guess," I replied. "There are a lot of people to clear out and not all of them are willing to leave just yet I'd wager,"

"Maybe we should have brought brooms or something with us? Might have made this process a bit faster," Frank suggested.

"We should have brought the girls with us," Sirius moaned.

"Give it a break Sirius, Carla isn't going to have trashed your tent too thoroughly in the two hours you've been apart," I told him irritably.

"It's not that," he told me in an unsteady voice.

"What then? You're afraid she's taken off with another guy? Perhaps immersed herself so deeply in the culture there's no possible way she would want to leave?"

Sirius shook his head and then pointed a quivering finger above my head in the direction of our camp. "The smoke is coming from our camp; and I'm quite sure it's not in celebration,"

The smoke was so pungent now, my eyes were starting to water and I got an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

Before I was even aware of anything else, my feet were pounding in front of me and I was throwing whatever was in my way out of my path that led to Lily.

LILY

"Carla are you coming out or what?" Alice asked impatiently.

There was a dull buzzing sound which stopped abruptly as Carla squealed in surprise.

"Carla?"

"Just give me a minute would you?" she called back. "You're killing my buzz; I'm _trying_ to do something nice for you all!"

Alice turned to me. "What the hell is she doing in there?"

I shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine love, maybe she's inventing a potion to keep us all stunning forever?"

Violet giggled. "God, wouldn't that just be amazing?"

"Provided I remained beautiful, happy, problem free and had everyone I have in my life with me, I wouldn't say no,"

Alice raised her eyebrows. "Not asking for much then?"

I smiled. "I didn't think so,"

Abruptly the 'tent flap' swung open and Carla emerged flushed and beaming, holding in each hand a huge pitcher filled with pretty purple and deep blue liquid.

"I've done it, I've finally achieved it!"

I turned to Alice and Violet slowly. "Do you think…? But we were just joking…"

"Joking about what?" Carla asked, smile fading.

I pointed at the suspicious looking potions. "What is that you're holding, some sort of…potion?"

"Potion?" Carla asked. "What are you on about Lily? I've made us exactly what we all needed,"

"And that would be?"

"Cocktails!" Carla shrieked.

"I'm pregnant," Violet burst out a second later.

My head snapped towards Violet just as Carla and Alice both jerked back as if they had been slapped.

Violet looked horrified and flustered. "No…what I meant was…I didn't mean…Alice, Alice please don't be upset with me, I swear I'm not doing this to make you feel bad or anything, I just…I don't even know what just came over me!"

Alice broke the silence first. "Mad at you?"

Violet looked ashamed. "I'm sorry, after you told us you and Frank can't…I'm so sorry,"

"Sorry?" Alice repeated. "What for you dolt? This is fabulous news!"

Violet looked up uncertainly. "It is?"

Alice bounced up and down. "It certainly is! I get to be an Aunty! Wait…you are keeping it right?"

Violet's hands instinctively went to her lower stomach. "Um…yeah, I think I am. Carla? Are you ok? You're never usually this quiet…are you mad at me?"

Carla stared at Violet blankly before sighing deeply. "I just wish you had told me sooner, I could have made you and awesome mock tail or something,"

Violet visibly relaxed, the acceptance from us all a clear weight off her shoulders.

"Sit, sit," Alice ushered Violet as we all moved inside Sirius and Carla's now hot pink suite. "Don't want to tire yourself out,"

Violet rolled her eyes but complied, sitting down on a lips shaped couch.

"You don't look surprised at all," Carla said to me suspiciously.

"I guess," I replied.

"Never misses a trick Lily," Alice said proudly. "Although you could have given us a heads up,"

I raised my hands in surrender. "Hey, not my secret to tell,"

Carla conceded. "I guess you're right, well, moving on, how far along are you Violet? Do you know the sex yet? Does Remus know?"

Violet's eyes widened. "Whoa, I only just figured out I'm keeping the kid, I haven't really thought anything through yet, I'm eleven weeks pregnant, I don't know what sex it is and Remus sure as hell doesn't know and I think I'm gonna keep it that way for awhile,"

Alice looked uncomfortable as she leant in and patted Violet's shoulder. "You know you have to tell him eventually right? I mean, you can't just pop the kid out and be like 'surprise'!"

Carla and I burst out laughing. God, I could only just imagine the look on Remus's face!

My smile faded slightly, thinking of how Remus has always had such a self loathing. It wouldn't translate onto his own kid would it?

"Definitely tell him soon," I told Violet firmly. "You're in this together,"

Violet sighed. "I don't know…I don't really know what to say, or how to say it or how he'll take it. I get sick just thinking about it,"

Alice looked stricken. "Then don't think about it just yet, just enjoy this trip away and then worry about it when you get back. You have us in the mean time anyway, anything you need; we're on it, night and day,"

Violet looked touched to near tears. "Alice...you are being much kinder than I deserve, are you sure you're ok?"

Alice smiled sadly. "Am I jealous? Yes. Do I want a child of my own? God, so, so badly. Is it overwhelming the sense of something missing? Sometimes. But that doesn't mean I'm not happy for you, that you don't deserve this precious gift too. You don't need to worry about me sweetie, I'm going to be ok because that's what we all do; we bounce back from tough times. I don't ever want you to feel like you aren't allowed to be happy or that you have to be ashamed of this because of me. Ok?"

Violet got up to crush Alice into a hug. "Thanks Alice, that means a lot to me. I need to ask you something though…would you please be my child's god mother? This little person is going to need all the support and love they can get, and they'll get plenty from you,"

Alice burst into tears and shuffled Violet around so she could move across the room and pull us all into a big hug. "I would love to,"

Carla pulled away from the hug first; shaking herself as if to force all deep emotions out. "Come on girls, we're meant to drink tons of cock tails and then get all teary and emotional, we're doing it all backward!"

Alice laughed as she wiped away tears. "Alright, moment over, let the fun begin,"

"Before the fun begins I think I need some air," Violet said softly. "Maybe it's a pregnant thing but I swear I can smell smoke; like really thick, pungent smoke; it's making me dizzy,"

Panic filled my whole body as distantly I heard a few screams and I already knew that the holiday was over.

"I don't think it's a pregnant thing; we need to get out of here,"

"And go where?" Alice asked. "We don't even know there is a situation,"

I got up without a word and went and poked my head out of the door. Outside there were screams still from a distance and all the houses and cabins that the muggles lived and stayed in were drowning in deadly flames.

Anger flushed through my body, for god sake, was I a danger magnet or something? This was such a joke!

Exhaustion flooded my body and for a moment as I remembered the muggles I was too late to save, as their burning flesh and wide horrified eyes took over all my senses. I closed my eyes and that's when I felt it; I quit. I had, had enough of fighting, of the same mundane trials and tribulations that plagued my life.

My knees quivered and I was ready to just lay down; right then and there and just let the flames take me, end my suffering once and for all.

"Lily? What's going on?"

Violet's voice cut through my little panic attack and resolve replaced my despair. _This _is what I'm fighting for; a better world for the innocents that have done nothing wrong; a chance for people to live their lives peacefully and without any fear.

My resolve firmly in tact I spun back around ready for action; three anxious girls awaited me.

"Alright; we need to get to safe ground; and we need to get there fast,"

"Safe ground?" Alice asked. "But what for? What's going on?"

"Trouble and huge threats, that's all I know and all we need to know, I think our best bet is for us to head for the highest grounds which are the mountains surrounding the camp; the higher we get the better view we have and a better vantage point as well,"

"Won't everyone be thinking the same thing though?" Carla asked as she rushed around filling flasks with water and throwing snack bars into her bag. "Won't the bad guys follow us there?"

"I've got to pray that it won't," I replied, not able to even think of anything going wrong at this point.

"And if it does?"

"Then we'll deal with it then, come on we gotta go,"

"Wait!" Violet cried. "What about the boys? They have to be on their way back by now; we can't just leave without them,"

Shit, I'd completely forgotten about the guys up until this point. How the hell was I meant to keep everyone safe with a million things to worry about?

"They'll find us," I finally replied. "It's not safe to wait for them,"

"But what if something happens to them?"

"Violet," I said harshly. "If we stay here, we could die, do you understand? Your baby could die before it really has a chance to live; we need to get to safety,"

Violet's eyes filled with tears and she began to shake but she nodded her consent and that was all we need.

"Everyone get your wands; let's go," I said as I grabbed Violet's hand and pulled her along with me out of the tent.

It was madness outside; complete and utter madness. People ran screaming from every direction as smoke enveloped the whole camp making it really hard to see and breathe.

"Cover your mouths," Carla said firmly handing us all a handkerchief. "We don't want to come this far just to die from smoke inhalation,"

I squeezed her arm in thanks before we set off again.

It wasn't easy, people slammed into us again and again and several times I nearly lost my grip on Violet's arm; not to mention my eyes burned and throat itched from all the ash and smoke in the air.

It felt like an eternity when realistically it had probably only been ten minutes when we reached the outskirts of the kill; the chaos and destruction still steadily on it's war path behind us.

"Who's doing this?" Violet coughed.

"Keep your mouth covered!" Alice yelled. "You out of all of us need to be careful right now ok?"

Violet quickly obeyed but the question was still in her eyes.

"Evil bastards," I replied. "Ones that are going to pay,"

"Do we keep going?" Alice asked. "Are we still going to try and climb this hill?"

I looked around us, trying to find the best solution to our problem. Light was definitely an issue now as the sun was very nearly down and the smoke drowned out what was left of it; the wind was blowing the smoke in our direction so continuing this way with the harmful fumes wasn't looking too good either; however it could be clearer at the top.

Gah! So many things to consider and I wasn't equipped to deal with any of it.

"Lily? Do you have your wand? We should try and utilise as much light as we can," Alice asked.

I felt through my pockets and discovered my wand wasn't there. Fuck! I'd lectured the girls about their wands and forgotten mine, some leader I was.

"I've left it," I replied. "I'm going to have to go back and look for it. You guys stay here and I'll be back as soon as I can, maybe I'll find the boys too,"

"Screw that," Violet told me firmly. "We're not any safer here than we were out there and we're alone and vulnerable without the guys or back up, I'm going back,"

"Violet, that's not a good idea, I think you need to stay here away from the main action," I replied.

Violet stood tall and glared at me furiously. "Good thing I wasn't asking you, I'm telling you,"

Without another word she took off and zoomed past us and out of sight into the smoke.

"Violet!" Alice screamed. "We need you come back,"

"Idiot!" Carla snapped. "Do you see why I hate the order? It turns people stupid; gives them a hero complex!"

I held up my hand. "Not now Carla…please?"

Carla sighed in defeat. "Alright then, what now?"

"We need to go after her; she's in no condition to fight,"

Carla sighed again. "Back to certain gloom…goody!"

I didn't humour her with a response, instead I took off at a slow jog after Violet only speeding up when I heard two pairs of feet behind me.

Violet and James the only things on my mind I kept them as my focus as I sprinted through the trees.

It wasn't until I cleared the forest that I realised I was running by myself.

Shit. Alone and wand less, I was doing real well for myself wasn't I? Slowing up I walked slowly trying to get my bearings in the dark so I didn't stumble into a trap.

Unfortunately for me I wasn't watching close enough and managed to trip myself up, landing awkwardly on my tail bone.

I lay there for a moment, catching my breath, letting my brain catch up with events before I even attempted to move. I rolled onto my stomach and my hands moved across something hard, moving back in defence to my relief it was a wand. Maybe I still had some luck after all.

Euphoric that something good had finally happened; luck had tipped my way for once I began to laugh hysterically; bordering on losing my grip on reality.

As I got to my feet, I even managed a little victory dance, skipping around and grinning like an idiot.

The happiness didn't last long as a young piercing scream cut through the air.

Wand gripped firmly in my hand, I took off in the direction I heard the scream; praying I wasn't too late.

When I finally reached the voice; my heart was beating fast and the hairs on the back of my neck standing right on edge. Slowly I crept up behind a tent to get a closer view. In front of me stood a tall cloaked figure cackling over a young girl who couldn't be more than six, who was having her skin flayed off her arm, bit by bit.

"Please," the girl cried. "I want my mummy!"

The cloaked man laughed. "I just saw your mummy before rat; and don't worry, you'll be joining her soon,"

With another swipe of his wand, all her skin from her hand to her collar bone flew off and the young girl shrieked in such a blood curdling way I dropped to my knees and covered my ears.

"No more begging then?" the man asked as the girl wheezed by his feet. "Guess we're ready to see mummy then,"

Her young blue eyes found mine as she lay on the floor and they contained so much pain and betrayal that I felt my chest tighten in a way that I was choking out each breath.

I couldn't lay here and watch this, I couldn't stand by and witness the murder of yet another innocent, not when I could do something about it this time.

Gripping the wand firmly in my hand I sprung out from behind the tent, letting out a battle cry as I did so.

"Leave her alone!"

He spun around; his face deeply scarred and grinned at me. "Who's this? Big sister perhaps? Wanting in on the family treatment huh? Well, step right up, I'm nearly done with the little rat here,"

"You will not touch her," I hissed, wand raised and blood pumping murderously through my veins.

"Going to stop me are ya?" he taunted. "Going to stun me into stopping? School tricks won't work here, this is kill or be killed, here, let me show you how it's done,"

I ran forward towards him, as I screamed my curse.

Liquid splashed all over me and I prayed that even though I may melt into nothing now, perhaps my death had saved some lives.

Once I hit the hard ground, confusion set in, as did pain.

Was I not dead? Didn't he flay me alive? Oh god…had I lived through that? It didn't hurt all over, maybe I was too far gone for much feelings. I looked around frantically to see if I had hit my mark; there was no body to be found.

A slow comprehension dawned on me as I forced myself to look down at my body.

I was now saturated in bright red blood.

None of it was mine.


	63. Chapter 63

Finally a long one for you all.

Sorry it's so much drama, but as you know; not everyone gets a happy ending.

Hoping you're all well.

As usual to my amazing friends; missyca23, Vereor, CaraGrace, XXJAMESLILYXX, , ravenclawLupin11, atw, adrian' dhampire, witchyromy, -Scp-, Loona22, October Dusk, thesunwillshine, blueberrymuffin94, The DA is dressed to the nines, TmoVie, funinthesun55, kiayame-san, hpdreamer500, PottedLilies.

love you all, thanks so so so much! :D xx xx xx

* * *

JAMES

I kept on barrelling through people, not caring if I knocked them over not caring if I was being rude, not giving an absolute shit if I was getting hurt in the process because Lily was out there and I was not with her. I wasn't there to protect her and that was not acceptable.

Vaguely I was aware that someone was screaming my name. Sirius? Remus? It hardly mattered to me, now that I was running there was very little chance of me stopping until I had Lily safe in my arms.

Being so caught up in my thoughts and my drive to go and find Lily, I'm not as cautious of my surroundings as I should be and look up only to realise I'm about to smash into a protective barrier set up, with guards along the whole thing.

I attempt to slow up but my momentum is too strong and I collide with such force that when I finally bounce back to the ground I'm severely winded.

"Sorry about that mate," the guard above me says. "Necessary precautions for everyone's safety…you understand,"

My lungs were working in over drive as the oxygen fought it's way back in comfortably, and my whole body was shaking from anger. Forcing myself to my knees I glared up at the round faced man.

"I don't…understand," I wheezed as Sirius arrived to help me to my feet.

"Mate, there's a riot out there, didn't you know?" he replied in genuine surprise.

I grit my teeth, forcing myself to at least attempt calm. "I gathered that by the smoke and screams. We need to get out,"

He shook his head at me sadly. "There's no way that's going to happen, safest place for you is in here."

"I don't give a shit about the _safest_ place, I need to get out there and I need to get out there now!"

His good demeanour vanished as he moved closer and lowered his voice to a snarl. "Are you that daft? This isn't the time to go for a wander or try to play the hero. There are people out there that would skin you alive without a second though, that will break every bone in your body, cause you the utmost pain and still leave you alive so you're practically begging for death. You are staying in here, and you are going to shut up about it, you got that?"

I grunted in frustration. "Death eaters right? That's what's out there? Listen, I'm part of something special, some group that targets the death eaters, that brings them down. _You have to let me out!_"

"Death eaters? Man, this much, much worse than that,"

"What? Is Voldermort actually out there?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms across his chest so his muscles bulged threateningly.

The guard hissed in horror. "You are mad. Saying that name aloud…you must have a death wish."

"Perhaps we do," Sirius said impatiently. "But you're wasting out time and people are dying out there, what the hell are we up against?"

"Pirates," the man whispered in fear.

"Pirates?" Remus asked doubtfully.

"Yes, pirates. Out laws, dark wizards that follow no master. They are paid for murder, rape, darkest deeds. They care not about blood, heritage, sex or age, if they have been paid, there is no mercy and there is no stopping them, ever."

My blood ran completely cold. The girls were out there with people that were even _more_ heartless than the death eaters? Fuck. What I wouldn't give for old Snivellous now.

Did I really just think that? I really am going mad.

"Do you see now why we can't allow you to leave?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Do you see how much we do not care? You listen to me, our _women_ are out there ok? There is no way in hell, we are going to just sit here and be _safe_, when they _aren't_!"

Guard man stood even stiffer, clearly not touched by Sirius's little plea.

I grabbed the cuff of his shirt roughly. "You're not getting it are you? My whole _life_ is out there, my reason for getting up every morning, for breathing, for making it through every goddamn terrible thing this world throws at me! You think you're keeping me _safe_ here? You are killing me, every second I am here I am dying and you are responsible! Now, you can either move out of my goddamn way and let the barrier down or I will _move you_ _and smash _the barrier down. Are we understood?"

He stared at me hardly for a moment, no doubt measuring my size and strength up against his and then slowly, very slowly he moved aside.

"Thank you," I told him fervently.

"Don't make me regret it," he replied dryly.

Sirius gave him a grim smile as he passed him, followed by Remus and Frank who had determined expressions on their face; although their shoulders were somewhat slouched.

"I hope you find your girl," he told me finally as I moved through the barrier.

My eyes drifted to the black, ominous sky. "So do I,"

"Alright, so where do we start looking?" Frank asked, rocking back on the balls of his feet nervously.

"The camp site right? Maybe they're waiting for us?" Sirius suggested.

As the guys debated over which was the best point of action I closed my eyes and used my senses. The wind was blowing slightly and we were down wind of the smoke which meant if we continued forward we would head right into where the fire would be, the action, the danger and the inevitable death. I opened my eyes and looked around us, we were now far enough out of the stands that we were bordering on some sort of cross roads. There were forests we could creep into, a hill to get better views or there was the smoke that blinded us, left us vulnerable…that could possibly be the end of us.

"They're there," I said quietly, pointing towards the smoke which was burning black, red and ugly.

"How do you know? Has Lily sent a message?" Frank asked at the same time Remus asked.

"James, that's where it's all going down…it's possibly the worst place to be, everyone is going to be trying to get _away_ from there, and you want us to march right into the lion's den?"

"That's where Lily will be," I repeated.

"How do you know?" Sirius asked quietly.

I winced slightly. "She has this knack of attracting trouble and refusing to put her safety first; if that's where you can get your death certificate signed; she's there,"

Sirius sighed and pulled his wand out. "If we get out of this I'm going to have a little talk to that wife of yours about learning to trust your survival instincts and run,"

I smiled tightly as we all moved towards the smoke steadily as one. "Who's to say she'll listen?"

"Good point, maybe I'll tell her _not_ to be safe and then she'll do it just to piss me off, reverse psychology that shit,"

"Let's hope we live to see the day you try,"

Sirius grabbed my shoulder firmly. "We are all going to live Prongs,"

I sighed deeply. "I feel like you're always telling me that mate,"

Sirius grinned and as his face freed itself of all despair and returned to it's carefree charm, I felt the tension leave me slightly. "And we always seem to live right? Worry about the day when I don't say it,"

A series of high pitched screams pierce the air and all four of us freeze, no doubt each thinking of the girl we love most and whether it was them making such an awful sound.

"I've got to go and find Alice," Frank said urgently.

"We can all head this way and look together," Sirius told him.

"No," Frank insisted. "Alice wouldn't run head first into danger; she'd be trying to help innocents get to safety, I have to go and check the forests for her, I have to go now!"

"Carla wouldn't want to fight either," Sirius said. "The forest is sounding like a pretty good idea to me right now Prongs,"

"I hate to gang up on you here James but I don't see Violet as the charging into war type either,"

I massaged my temples, trying to come up with a solution that would benefit everyone.

"Sirius, do you still have your half of our mirrors?" I asked slowly

Sirius nodded and pulled the small mirror out of his pocket. "Never leave home without it,"

I pulled mine from my pocket too. "Good. Frank and Remus will go with you, I'll go find Lily and we can keep in contact with these, that way we can't lose each other,"

Sirius looked back at me blankly for a second before pulling me into a bear hug. "You're not just a pretty face after all Prongs. Stay safe and make sure you kick her arse for me when you find her,"

I nodded and clasped him on the shoulder. "I'll see you in a bit,"

Without another word we all took off in our separate directions and I was once again alone to battle through the polluted air in search of Lily.

It was beginning to seem pointless, the longer I searched. It was near impossible to see anything and crowds of hysterical people were always smashing past me and disorientating me further.

Sighing, I moved away from the worst of the smoke and tried to take refuge around what once looked like a small camp ground; it was still hard to see with all the smoke in the air.

I looked around for something slightly more comfortable to sit on when I noticed a small lump in the corner quivering; it certainly wasn't a rock.

With my wand raised I crept over to the spot where a cloak was thrown over a quivering ball shaped object.

Wand gripped tight in my hand in case this was a trap I whipped the cloak off to find a young girl; burnt badly and silently crying as she held her arm close to her body.

"Don't kill me," she croaked, not even managing enough energy to scream.

I raised my hands in surrender and slowly knelt down beside her, keeping my every move slow and deliberate so she felt comfortable and not attacked.

As I looked her over, examining her young bruised face, her battered and burnt body; I was horrified by just how extreme her injuries were.

"Honey, who did this to you?" I asked softly.

"The bad man," she replied as she curled herself into a tight ball again; the arm wrapping around her knees missing most of it's skin.

Anger burned through my veins. "Is he still here? What happened to him?"

A burnt, tiny finger pointed behind me. "Her,"

I whipped around and scrambled frantically to where the little girl had pointed. I couldn't see Lily, but there was blood…a lot of it and it was leading away from the camp site.

"Sweet heart, is the girl ok?"

The little girl didn't answer me, having exhausted all her energy and passed out. I checked her pulse quickly and was relieved that she was still breathing.

Casting a protective spell around her quickly and leaving a coded message for the order about where to find her, I turned back around and headed the way she had pointed.

Lily wasn't anywhere to be seen but there was blood…a lot of blood. Splattered everywhere and then a trail of it leading away from the camp.

Shit, how the hell had I missed all this blood the first time?

The tracks ended a few moments later and my heart completely stopped as my worst nightmare lay in front of me.

Lily was lying curled into a ball, blood splattered all over her, her hair, her clothes, her shoes; it was like she's jumped into a pool of red dye.

My whole world shattered and I felt like I had been winded again. She wasn't… I couldn't even finish the thought, it would ruin me. As it was the sight in front of me was going to guarantee nightmares for the rest of my life.

"Lily?" I called out. "Lil?"

There was no response except for heart breaking silence.

I ran over frantically and gathered her in my arms. "Don't be dead, don't be dead, please don't be dead," I chanted as I checked her whole body for wounds; for some sort of explanation of where all the blood had come from. Maybe I could stop the bleeding, I could bring her back. I had training from my mum and I knew how to do blood transfusions so it was all going to be ok. Wasn't it?

My brow furrowed as I shifted her every which way, moving clothing and hair to find the wounds that should be oozing the blood.

"It's not mine,"

I actually jumped back as Lily spoke.

"Lily? Oh thank fuck! Lil, are you ok? What happened? Where are you hurt?"

"The blood's not mine," she babbled.

"What happened baby?" I repeated.

"You wouldn't think a person had that much blood in them, but they do, he did and it was all over me, all over me. I was trying to help and he made me mad so I thought I would teach him a lesson, but then there was blood everywhere and he wasn't anywhere and I was just…I was just…he was going to kill the little girl, do you understand? He…he was torturing her and I had to stop him…I stopped him,"

Her convoluted babble scared me a hell of a lot more than the blood had. I rocked her in my arms and kept her close to my chest, trying to mould us together so she would be protected by me, so she would be safe.

"I've got you," I whispered to her softly as I stroked her blood soaked hair. "I've got you now,"

"I'm getting blood all over you," Lily noted; her usually bright eyes dead and unfocused.

"That doesn't matter," I replied, pressing my lips against her forehead. "What matters right now is getting you to safety and away from this place,"

"I can't go out there," she told me in a terrified voice as she held her hand up. "Blood on my hands, blood everywhere,"

"There's a small stream down there, we can get you cleaned up a bit,"

Lily looked away, unresponsive before jumping up quickly. "The little girl, I left the little girl. Is she ok? Where is she?"

"She's ok, she's going to live thanks to you, I've got her protected, we need to get her out of here too,"

Lily nodded, rubbing at the blood all over her skin compulsively. "Ok, ok."

I gently cupped her chin in my hand. "Hey, I love you, you know that right? I'm going to make everything ok, I'm going to make you safe,"

Lily held up her shaking hands. "Can you get this off me? Blood…blood everywhere, it's sinking into my skin, it's tainting me"

"No it's not," I told her firmly. "Come on, the water is just over here,"

Lily got up on unsteady legs and walked with me slowly until we reached the stream.

"I can do it myself," she told me quietly as I moved to help her into the water.

I moved back away and turned my back slightly to give her some privacy.

Five minutes later Lily walked back up to me, wearing only her underwear.

"Whoa! Lil, you need to get dressed again, you'll freeze out here,"

"I can't put it back on, it's got his…I just can't wear it, I can't do it,"

I nodded in understanding and placed my jacket around her; lucky enough that it was long enough on her to cover her knees.

I wrapped her back in my arms, scared to ever let go of her again. Enjoying just having her warm body pressed against me once more.

"Did the girls find you?" Lily asked quietly.

I shook my head. "Sirius, Frank and Remus went to find them,"

Lily looked up at me surprised. "You came for me? Alone?"

I nodded and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I sure did,"

"But…how did you know I wouldn't be with the girls?"

"Because my love, you live to make me worry and chase you," I replied with a grin.

Lily gave me a small broken smile. "Well, you found me,"

I smiled. "And thank god for that, I'm too young to go grey."

LILY

James was looking at me with so much love and concern it was cracking the very last bit of resolve I had. He shouldn't be looking at me like that when I had just blow a man apart so thoroughly I wasn't sure there was anything left of him.

Murderer. That's what I had become today. I had murdered someone. No matter how evil he may have been or how much he may have deserved it I shouldn't have shot to kill without thinking; I shouldn't have let the rage consume me. For those few moments I had completely lost my humanity and only cared about seeing blood; seeing pain.

I looked down at my hands which I had scrubbed and scrubbed before in the stream but which I could still feel the blood dripping down, still see the blood staining my hands, tainting my skin.

Who the hell had I become? Was there a way back from this?

My hands shook uncontrollably and I felt my heart beat unevenly.

"Honey? Are you with me?"

I looked back up at James. "Yeah, I'm with you,"

James reached out to grab my hand but I pulled away; not wanting to touch him with my blood stained hands; no matter how clean they may appear to be on the surface.

James raised his eyebrows at me quick refusal but didn't pursue it any further.

"We have to go find the girls," I told him as the silence started to stretch out uncomfortably.

James nodded and pulled something out of his pocket and rubbed it a couple times, seconds later he spoke into the mirror he had in his hand urgently.

"Sirius, are you ok? What's happening?"

Loud crashes could be heard from the other side. "We found Alice and Carla man, turns out Lily isn't the only one at getting herself into trouble…we've run into a bit of trouble,"

"What kind of trouble?" James replied as he started to walk briskly backwards and forwards.

"I've never seen this kinda stuff before, it's…shit it's worse than anything the death eater bastards have ever done. Carla still won't wake up, Alice has a leg that won't stop bleeding and these bastards just won't quit… MOONY GET BACK HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!"

"Where are you?" James asked as he turned pale right in front of my eyes.

"Shit! Frank you ok? Prongs, we're kinda busy right now, can I get back to you?"

"SIRIUS, WHERE ARE YOU?"James boomed in return.

"Jesus! We're near all the camp sites, but on the far side where all the forests start to thicken up,"

"Be there soon," James replied before cutting the connection.

"What's going on?" I replied.

"We've gotta go," he told me briskly as he looked around trying to judge where we were and where we had to be.

I froze as I imagined being back in the intense situation where I'm faced with the possibility of losing control and killing someone else.

"I can't go," I told James quietly.

James did a double take before staring at me. "Come again?"

I looked down, ashamed. "I can't go with you,"

"What do you mean?"

I kept my eyes trained on the ground. "I just…I don't want to go,"

"You don't _want_ to?" he asked. "Lily, none of us _want_ to be doing this,"

"I know that, but you don't understand ok? You're not ever going to understand! So you go run off, be a hero and get yourself killed, I am staying right here,"

I was awful, I was worse than awful for yelling at him at a time like this, for taking my own issues out on him when he had been nothing but amazing to me, nothing but supportive, nothing but my rock.

I heard James foot steps heading away from me and a single tear fell down my cheek. He couldn't possibly hate me more than I hated myself.

I jumped half a foot in the air as strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist and pulled me backwards, immediately I began to resist until I heard James soothing voice.

"Hey, relax it's me,"

I slumped forward, hanging my head and going limp in James' arms.

"I can't do it," I told him again and again.

"Lily stop," he told me calmly and I shut up immediately. "I know you have had a tough night, couple months, hell a tough goddamn year. I know that you have had a devastating night, have had to do things that you have never thought you would have to do and I know that you feel broken, exhausted, lost and so conflicted, but you cannot let it ruin you. Do you understand me? You are strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for, and this will not be the end of you,"

"I murdered a man tonight James, do you get that? There was nothing left of him but blood and it's over me, under my skin, everywhere. I am no better than the people we hunt,"

"That is not true," he told me fiercely. "What you're feeling now; guilt, remorse, pain over his death; they don't feel that, they aren't capable of those emotions. You aren't a murderer, you are a protector. You saved a little girls life; that is one family that won't have to bury a body."

I started to shake, unsure if I deserved his praise. "I just…I think I need time,"

"We don't have time, our friends are out there, there are innocents out there that need our help. We didn't sign up for an easy life, for danger free or peace, we signed up so we could fight to ensure our children and others could have those things. You're worries about being a murderer? If you stay here, do nothing while your friends are fighting for their lives, and they don't make it; you will be,"

His words hit hard and I felt myself awaken from my semi catatonic state as the faces of my friends flashed in my mind; faces I may never see again if I just curled up like a coward and hid from the world.

James spun me around so we were face to face; his eyes were burning fires of passion and love, they were my beacons of hope.

I took his hand in mine, my grasp strong. "Ok, let's go, I think I know where they are,"

James squeezed my hand in reassurance and then we were running, full pelt right back into the thick of things.

My throat burned as I inhaled the smoke and ash, my body was wired with nervous adrenaline and a sub conscious need to redeem myself and make James proud of me.

"Help us, please help us!"

I ran even harder towards the anguished cries, vowing never to be too late again.

James and I arrived to see a small group of kids our age backed up against a camp site, completely wand less, vulnerable and terrified as three of the pirate scum were leering at them, playing with their food before the big meal so to speak.

My hand began to shake and I felt myself verge on the point of a break down when suddenly James hazel eyes were in front of mine, bringing me back to normal.

"I'm here," he reminded me. "By your side, every step. I love you,"

I smiled at him softly. "I love you too,"

James nodded satisfied that I wasn't going to go crazy and gripped his wand tightly as he strode forward.

After a couple beats of silence I followed after him.

"Hey guys, can we play?" James asked as we got closer.

The guys turned around in surprise and then smirked. "Sure, we never say no to a bit of fun,"

Without another word James had stunned the two closest guys to us and was charging after the third and last with a fiery passion.

I watched stunned into inaction as James moved so quickly, efficiently and professionally that I wasn't even sure who I was watching.

Back and forth they duelled, jets of bright light flashing across the camp, trees being blown in half and wreckage everywhere in their wake.

Also stunned were the five teens cowering against each other.

"Run!" I screamed at them. "Get out of here!"

Pushing them out of their daze, they didn't need telling twice as they all took off like lightening in the opposite direction of the fight.

"Enjoying the show darlin'?"

I spun around to see a ragged looking man with shaggy black hair and jet black eyes leering down at me.

I jumped back in surprise, catching my feet on the ground and falling onto my back, those dead, black eyes lighting up as he crept forward.

My whole body quivered in fear and for the first time in a long time I was too terrified to move anything, too frozen to fight back or protect myself at all.

He grinned and his teeth were yellowed and black, just like his hair, like his eyes, he was darkness incarnate and I felt myself being sucked into despair. This was it; this was where I was going to die.

I took a life, and now I was going to lose mine.

"You look scared pretty," he crowed in pleasure.

I shut my eyes, refusing to let his face be the last thing I saw. I was going to think of James, of my friends. The last thing I was going to feel was peace that I had experienced love and that my loved ones were going to be ok.

I felt his breath on my face and shuddered, prepared for the very worst, he chuckled deep in his throat and then out of no where he yelped in surprise and his presence was ripped away from me.

I opened my eyes in surprise to find Sirius grinning at me. "Hey there sis, miss me?"

"Sirius?" I gasped in surprise.

"The one and only," he replied as he helped me to my feet.

"Are you ok Lily?" Remus asked as he kicked the pirate that was now unconscious at his feet.

I nodded, shakily and then my knees gave way and Sirius had to catch me. "Whoa, whoa, are you ok there?" he asked in concern.

I opened my mouth to tell him that of course I was but instead a sob burst out and the tears followed shortly after.

Sirius didn't ask any questions; just rubbed my back in slow circles instead and let me have my moment.

"I'm sorry," I told him, as I wiped my eyes.

"For what?" he asked.

"Breaking down, being a sook,"

"I saw no proof of that," he told me and again I was grateful for having him as my surrogate brother.

"Where are the girls?" I asked.

"We still can't find Violet," Remus responded tearfully. "Frank has taken Alice and Carla back to the Quidditch ground where it's safe. Where's James?"

I spun around in a panic. "He was just here, duelling with one of those dirt bags... I don't know where he's gone,"

"Well, let's go find him then," Sirius told me with an evil grin. "I could definitely put some more bastards down,"

"Lily, do you want to head back to the Quidditch grounds too?" Remus asked quietly.

I shook my head. "No, I'm not leaving him, we don't quit on each other, not ever,"

Sirius wrapped one arm around my shoulder and gave me a little squeeze. "Family forever right? Let's go get our boy back,"

We took off together, me leading the two boys in the direction I saw James go to.

We ran for a few minutes and there was still no sign of him, but plenty of signs of their duel with fallen trees, dints in the ground and smoking bushes.

"Where is he?" Sirius asked, looking in all directions.

"I don't know," I said, getting worried.

"He's going to be fine though right? He was only duelling one guy wasn't he?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, just the one,"

"Well, then he's probably back looking for Lily then isn't he?" Sirius concluded confidently.

"You think we passed him and didn't notice?" I questioned.

"Anything's possible, come on, let's go,"

We went back the way we had come, and surprisingly, as soon as we reached the camp site, James was walking around frantically calling my name.

"James!" I called and started running full pelt towards him.

James' whole face lit up as he saw me and opened his arms so I could fly into them.

"I was so worried about you," I whispered.

James stroked my hair. "What for? I thought I was pretty bad arse with the first two, the third never had a chance,"

I actually giggled a little bit, pulling away and just drinking up the sight of him.

"I see you two found your way back," James said to Sirius and Remus, looking more than a little thrilled.

"Like I was going to leave you to fend for yourself," Sirius scoffed.

"Did you find the girls, where's Frank?"

Sirius patted Remus on the back. "Frank took Carla and Alice to the Quidditch grounds, Violet is still missing in action,"

"What if she's gone to the grounds too, you know, to try and get to Remus? That's the one place she knew for sure he'd be," James suggested.

Remus' face brightened a little bit. "I hadn't thought of that,"

"Well, let's go check it out dude, can't hurt right?"

Remus was all energy, bouncing up and down. "Alright, let's head off now,"

We all chuckled as he jogged ahead slightly, limbs all loose and flailing around.

As one we followed behind him slowly, enjoying seeing Remus so light and excited.

We were almost near the woods again when I noticed two things and my heart stopped dead in my chest.

One; there was something moving in the trees

Two; the bodies of the pirates were no where to be seen.

A loud bang had James pushing me onto the ground, his body covering mine in protection as the biggest of the pirates came running out, wand blazing, vengeance written all over his face as he came running right at Remus sending a curse that Remus easily dodged.

As Sirius ran to help the pirate snarled something and a line of fire separated us from them.

"We'll do this like men," he told Remus. "One on one,"

Remus didn't reply just growled in such a feral way and began circling the pirate.

We watched helpless as evenly matched they both ducked and dived around each other, neither able to knock the other one out or gain any advantage.

In horror, I watched as in slow motion the second pirate ran from the trees, wand in one hand, knife in the other.

Remus, focused on his duel was completely unaware.

The second pirate grinned as he sent a curse at Remus, throwing the knife at the same time.

"No!"

Time sped up at that moment and everything happened in such a rush.

One minute Remus was about to get hit by both knife and curse and then suddenly he was pushed onto the ground, blood from his saviour splattering his face.

"Violet!" I screamed, pushing James off me as she collapsed to the ground; the knife plunged into her stomach.


	64. Chapter 64

Hey lovelies :D

Quick update for you all; hope it keeps you entertained and on the edge of your seats :D I do have to apologise for the grammar and spelling I was on such a roll and rush with ideas with this one that it all poured out and I just had to post it before I over analysed and it took another month to get it out!

Thank you again as always to; **PottedLilies, October Dusk, blueberrymuffin94, -Scp-, RavenClawLupin11, owugirl10, funinthesun55, CaraGrace, The DA is dressed to the nines, coolcarissa11, TmoVie, Loona22, XXJAMESLILYXX,**

You are my inspirations and driving force. I owe you big time.

Love to you all xx xx xx xx

* * *

JAMES

I fell hard on my back and Lily threw me off her and began running furiously towards Remus and Violet; her wand raised and deadly.

"Sirius!" I screamed as I scrambled to my feet.

I didn't need to elaborate, Sirius knowing me so completely was already on his feet running as fast as possible after Lily; knowing she wasn't in the right frame of mind to be going charging in.

Letting Sirius take care of Lily I moved around to focus on the pirates, letting my anger simmer so that I was clear headed and in control I aimed at the laughing pirate and sent a curse that hit him square in the chest and smacked him hard against the top of a thick tree.

Once he slid down; he didn't wake or move.

The second pirate roared in anger and focused his attention on me; murder in his eyes as he began to charge me like a wild animal.

Before he could get more than five meters; his mouth opened in surprise and he coughed blood out before falling onto his knees; revealing Remus behind him; eyes blazing, wand raised and shaking in fury.

I watched as Remus moved to stand over the pirate, wand raised; eyes merciless.

"Please…" the pirate gasped, blood now pooling on the ground around him.

Remus' eyes narrowed and after aiming a vicious kick at the pirate's face breaking his nose he raised his wand again.

"Moony! Wait!" I screamed as I ran towards him; hoping I wouldn't need to stun him to get him to stop.

"Not this time James," Remus replied sending up a barrier that I couldn't penetrate.

I smashed my fists against the barrier uselessly; tears running down my cheeks as I cursed the gods, or whatever the hell was out there that was forcing me to witness my best friend and wife destroying themselves in the same day.

"Don't do it Remus,"

My eyes snapped onto Lily's who was now approaching Remus carefully; Sirius on the ground behind her clutching his crotch in agony.

Remus hesitated slightly. "He deserves to die,"

"Yes, he does," Lily replied honestly. "But he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of making you a murderer for his worthless carcass,"

Remus hand began to shake. "I…I can't do nothing,"

"You're not doing nothing," Lily replied. "You're being a hero and you're staying true to the person Violet fell in love with. He's going to be punished, this worthless piece of shit is going to spend the rest of his days praying he won't wake up the next morning…death…death is too easy an end for them."

Remus hand lowered slightly but he still faced the pirate with raw anger, pain and devastation, unwilling to completely drop his weapon.

Lily moved closer still and placed her hand on his arm. "Please, don't do this. It's.., it's something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, something that is going to destroy a little piece inside you so you feel like you're never going to be whole again…"

Lily broke off as tears moved freely down her cheeks.

"I'm a monster," Remus told her simply. "I have been a monster for years…perhaps it's time I embrace that,"

Lily stared at him blankly and then nodded before moving around so she was standing in front of the pirate. "So shoot to kill then. If you are a monster than you won't care if I get hurt in the process. Do it Remus, curse me, curse us both. Let your rage win, let the monster inside you be satisfied while your goddamn friends are forced to watch and your girlfriend lies bleeding to death on the ground,"

Remus looked ready to slap Lily and I clenched my fists ready to smash through his protection if need be, ready to take my own friend down if it meant keeping Lily unharmed.

Moments ticked by as they stood facing off against each other until finally Lily held her hand up.

"Can you see the blood?" she whispered and Remus backed away in surprise.

"What blood?"

"The blood of the man I killed tonight…it's all over me, I can feel it; I can smell it. It's burning my skin, poisoning my veins and breaking me apart bit by bit. If you do this…if you kill this man right here, you will have blood like this on your hands…it will follow you for the rest of your life…and it will be Violet's blood that you see all over you every time you look in the mirror," Lily moved away from the pirate, giving Remus free access.

Remus's hand shook as he stared at the pirate with such a pained expression it broke my heart.

Finally, he ever so slowly lowered his hand and let his wand fall to the floor, turning and running back to Violet who was still crumpled on the ground, moaning softly.

Suddenly Lily's foot slammed down onto the pirates throat, glaring down at him as she used her other foot to kick Remus's wand out of his hand.

"That was very stupid of you," she told him coldly.

"You said…not…kill…me," he gasped.

Lily smiled humourlessly. "I told _him_ not to kill you, I made no such promise. Just a little warning; I've always had an issue with playing with my food before I devour it,"

He stared up at Lily in horror and Lily grinned as she knelt down by his face so they were almost nose to nose.

"That right there, what you're feeling? That's called fear…get used to it," she told him harshly before knocking him hard against the face so he fell unconscious.

I placed my hand gently on her back as I reached her. "Guess I'm not the only bad arse one huh?"

Lily smiled up at me warmly. "You have never been the only bad arse one Potter, in fact, you only just earned your badge today,"

I rubbed Lily's hand in mine as we hurried over to a still crouching Sirius.

"Pad foot, are you ok mate?" I asked.

"No," he cried back in a tiny whimper.

"James, go help Remus with carrying Violet," Lily told me as she knelt down by Sirius. "Sirius? I'm really sorry,"

"You kicked me in the balls!" Sirius wheezed.

"You weren't going to let go and instinct took over, I'm really sorry," I heard Lily reply as I reached Remus and Violet.

Shit Violet didn't look good, she was as pale as anything almost to the point of turning blue actually and the blood was showing no sign of stopping.

"She needs medical attention and she needs it right now," Remus told me through a sob.

"We're going to have to apparate her to the nearest hospital," I replied.

Remus' whole body was shaking. "I don't know if I can get us both there safely,"

"I'll do it," I replied, moving forward to take Violet off his hands.

Remus pulled Violet closer territorially to his chest, trying to block my access.

"Mate, I know you want to protect her, I know it's killing you right now, I know you feel like you're shattering into a million pieces and Violet is the only thing keeping you together. I know because I've been there, I've lived it, but you need to listen to me, I'm not going to let anything happen to her, I am going to protect Violet like I would Lily. You need to let me take over mate, and you need to do it quickly so that you can still have your reason for living. Let me give you back your life mate, please, let go so I can help you both,"

Giving Violet one last squeeze, Remus handed Violet over to me, looking like that simple act had cost him a great deal of effort…I understood completely.

"I'll see you all there soon," I told them. "You should go and find the others, let them know what's going on,"

Sirius, nod managing a sitting position nodded. "I can do that, don't worry about me Prongs, I'm not going to let you down,"

I nodded, knowing he was right and with a final glance at Lily, I was off.

When I apparated in front of the hospital my knees buckled slightly and I rushed to make sure I didn't jostle Violet or harm her further in any way.

She remained unresponsive and oblivious to her whereabouts or any happenings, her already creamy skin now even paler and grey, lips turning blue and blood still trickling out steadily.

"Oh damnit Violet," I whispered as I began to hasten towards the entrance. "Don't you dare die on me, not tonight, not now and not like this. If there was ever a time to fight Violet, this is it, come on!"

Violet didn't stir, didn't move, just lay limp in my arms and I began to panic, forgetting all about her comfort and running as fast as I could inside.

"Hello? Hello! I need help here," I screamed. "Does anyone speak English?"

Nobody looked my way, well not really. It was bloody chaos inside. Red, everywhere and the noise of panic, moans and screams so loud it was like I had walked into some sort of hellish dimension. People crowded every part of the room, kneeling by loved ones, bandaging people up, trying to mop up the blood that was staining the floors, couches, walls.

"Shit," I muttered to myself. My chances of getting Violet in right away were not looking good.

"Dead,"

I jumped as Violet's less than weak voice gurgled out.

"What's that?"

"Dead," she murmured again.

"You're not dead Violet, and you're not going to die you hear me?"

"Not me…they're dead,"

I looked at her in confusion; what the hell was she talking about? Did she mean the people around us? Someone she had seen die back near the camp sites?

Tears ran down her cheeks, mingling in with the blood as her hands clutched her stomach. "Dead, gone, empty,"

Fuck, the rumoured pregnancy. Guess I had my proof now.

Violet's head fell back as she lost consciousness again but the tears still fell down her cheeks.

This was going to kill Remus.

I looked around me one finally time before jumping into action.

"Excuse me!" I called to one of the staff, pushing my way through the crowd.

"Sir, as you can see we are under staffed, I cannot get to you right now, if you could please just be patient…" he began to tell me in a thick accent.

"I don't need you to assist me," I told him impatiently. "I've got medical training, enough to be able to stop her bleeding long enough for a doctor to come and do the rest. I just need you to direct me to a room with something comfy for her to lie on and supplies for me to go to work,"

The young doctor turned to me and finally really _looked_ at me, no doubt taking in my scars, the blood, the sweat and the pure determination to keep this girl alive; no matter what it took.

"Down that corridor, four doors down on the right there is an old supply cupboard with our old stock; there should be an old mattress in there too. You should have everything you need,"

I took one of his hands and patted it gently. "Thank you, thank you so much,"

He nodded at me briskly then turned away to try and help someone else, wearing the same determination on his face that I felt.

"Ok Violet," I said to her soothingly as I power walked down to the room. "I'm going to get you all sorted out now ok? I just need you to hang on a little longer for me, please hang on,"

As soon as I got Violet in the room I moved her immediately onto a creamy, thin white mattress, cringing a bit as her blood stained it immediately. I was going to have to stop this bleeding and fast before I could do anything else if she had any chance of survival.

Doing a quick stock take of the room I found some bandages, special ointment that seals cuts together and some cream to clean the cut out.

Gathering my supplies I knelt at Violet's head and took a deep breath, praying that I was going to be able to do a good enough job and that I wouldn't have to be the one to tell Remus…no, I couldn't think like that, positive thoughts were half the battle.

Shaking any negative thoughts out of me I looked down at Violet and hissed in horror as I realised the knife was still wedged firmly in her stomach. Shit, if I thought she was bleeding a lot now, once I removed the knife it would be like unblocking a dam.

I clenched my shaking hands and took a few deep breaths. It was going to be ok, I would just have to work fast and efficiently and everything would be ok. It was no big deal, I mean, how many times had I been forced to yank out the small needles from Sirius after a row with his parents? It was just like that now, just a firm yank and then applying pressure before cleaning the wound and sealing it.

You've done this before, now man up and stop shaking!

I reached down to grab the knife before quickly freezing again. Shit, what if she woke up? This certainly wasn't going to be something I wanted Violet or any one I cared about for that matter to experience.

Rushing back to the supplies I found a fairly strong temporary paralyser and wasted no time in administering it to Violet.

With her comfort taken care of, I was finally ready.

"I'm sorry Violet," I whispered as I yanked the knife out and blood burst through her stomach, seeping through the mattress onto the floor. With lightening speed I cleaned her wound which was so much deeper and worse than I had imagined before attempted to seal the cut back up.

It was no use…there was too much blood for the seal to stick properly.

"Fuck it!" I screamed, my heart beating so fast I was sure I was about to have a heart attack.

Ripping a piece of my shirt into a strip, I dribbled on the sealing balm thickly on each side before smoothing the cloth over the wound.

To my surprise and delight, the material absorbed enough blood so that the seal could at least coat the wound, stopping the blood flow…for now at least.

"James?"

I whipped around to see a very out of breath Remus burst through the door.

"Remus, are you ok mate?" I asked in concern.

"I'm fine, it's crazy out there, took me forever to find someone who could tell me where you had gone, I was ready to tear this damn place down to find you. How is she doing?"

I looked down at Violet; she looked to be hovering between life and death and then turned back to Remus. "She's holding on for now mate…but she needs to see a doctor and go into surgery and it needs to happen fairly shortly."

"Well, let's get a goddamn doctor then, we're in a hospital for crying out loud, how hard can it be!"

"It's pretty insane out there at the moment mate, a lot of people need doctors,"

"They can wait," he snapped. "Violet comes first,"

I nodded sadly. I couldn't blame the poor bastard; had the situation been reversed and I was in his shoes, I probably would have held a doctor a wand point by now getting Lily the help she needed.

"Can you stay here with her then?" I asked. "I'm going to go and find someone,"

"I won't let her out of my sight," Remus replied as he conjured some water and began to wipe the blood off of Violet using his shirt. "Please hurry,"

"You got it," I replied and ran out of the room back into the complete and utter chaos.

"I need a doctor!" I screamed, searching the room for someone who appeared qualified enough to help me. "Please, I need a doctor now!"

"Look around you lad, everyone does," an old man wheezed to me.

"I know that," I replied. "But this is more than an emergency, there are three lives hanging in the balance right now and there is almost no time left,"

The old man nodded and stood up. "Alright, where am I going?"

"You?" I asked in surprise.

"Recently retired," he explained. "Came here to drop off all my gear when the people came rushing in by the truck load,"

"So, you're a doctor?" I asked, hardly believing my luck.

"Dealt with pregnancies actually, but I do have a few other uses."

I grabbed his hand and tugged him along. "No, that's actually perfect,"

LILY

"Sirius, do you think she's going to be ok?" I asked him quietly as we neared the Quidditch grounds.

"She has to be," he replied. "There's just no other option,"

"Do you think any of us are going to be ok? You know…by the end of it all?"

Sirius stopped and looked at me for a few moments. "I have to believe that we will," he said finally. "Or I would just fall down right now, and have no strength to get back up again,"

We quickened our pace and continued the rest of the way in silence, anxious to get to the girls and Frank and then to the hospital so we could check on Violet.

"We're here," Sirius finally said as we moved into a clearing where hundreds of people were pushing together to try and get as far away from the forest and camp area as possible.

"Shit Sirius, how the hell are we going to find them in this crowd?"

Sirius looked around for a few seconds and then with a small nod to himself turned and ran full pelt back into the forest.

"Sirius!" I shrieked. "Where are you going? That's the wrong way!"

A few moments later he emerged again as his huge shaggy dog self. Trotting up to me he nipped my fingers slightly and nudged me backwards until my back pressed against a tree.

"What are you doing?" I asked, annoyed stepping forward again.

Sirius barked and pushed me back, growling at me when I attempted to press ahead again.

"You want me to stay here?" I asked.

He nodded his huge head and then leapt away, shooting off into the crowd.

I groaned in frustration and I let my back slide down against the tree and sat with my legs pressed against my chest on the floor in frustration. Sirius had better have a plan, because I had no intention of sitting here all night while Violet was possibly dying and I was needed.

Minutes ticked by until it had been twenty five minutes that I had been waiting and I began to get anxious, eyes darting around in the crowd trying to find a familiar face or anyone that would know what the hell was going on.

Distant barking echoed through the grounds and my ears perked up and I jumped to my feet.

"Sirius?" I screamed. "Sirius!"

Seconds later he came bounding back over to me, followed closely by Carla, Alice and Frank who were all looking a little worse for wear.

Dog Sirius ran right past me back into the woods as everyone else reached my side.

"Oh my god Lily you're ok!" Carla gushed. "I was so worried!"

"Are you ok? What happened?" I asked, noticing she had a wound on her head that was bleeding down the side of her face and Alice's legs had been bandaged and was using Frank for support.

"It's a long, stupid story," Carla replied. "You can hear all about it later, I just want to get home first,"

I groaned, knowing home wasn't going to be possible for quite a while. "How did Sirius find you?" I asked instead.

"Dog smelling," Sirius replied himself as he strolled back towards us. "I would know Carla's scent anywhere, it practically calls to me,"

"That's equally creepy and cute," I replied with a slight smile.

"Hey, where's everyone else?" Alice asked.

The weight on my chest pressed down on me again and I had to fight for the air to breathe. "Violet's…Violet got hurt, James and Remus took her to hospital,"

"How badly hurt?" Carla asked.

I opened my mouth to reply but only a little squeak emerged.

"Oh god," Alice said going pale.

"We've got to get there now then," Carla said firmly. "We're wasting time,"

Sirius squeezed her shoulders. "I like it when you take control babe,"

"Hold on tight," she told him in a businesslike manner. "I'm not waiting around for anything else to go wrong,"

Before anyone else could reply Sirius and Carla were gone.

"Are you ok to apparate?" I asked Alice who was looking pretty unsteady on her feet.

"I got her," Frank replied.

"Meet you there then?" I asked, not waiting for a response before I apparated…right into what looked like a very bloody, wailing version of Kings Cross station.

"Lily, over here," Carla called as I regained my balance.

I followed her voice to find her and Sirius in a corner, tucked away from everyone else.

"Can you believe this?" Sirius asked in wonder.

I thought of the pirate torturing the little girl for fun, of the battle with James, with Remus, with Violet and the knife in her stomach.

"Yeah," I said, my voice void of emotion. "I can believe this,"

As we saw Alice and Frank arrive we ushered them over to us so we could work out what to do next.

"Do you think we should split up?" Frank asked as he helped Alice onto a coffee table to rest.

"No, we should stick together," I replied. "And we should get you guys some medical attention too,"

"I'm fine," Carla told me stubbornly before her eyes fluttered and she wobbled slightly.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, you're really fit and fighting, loving the whole unsteady on your feet, bleeding from your head thing you got going on,"

"Shut up," she replied sulkily.

"It's a good plan," Frank said to change the subject. "But where exactly are we going to get the medical attention? Looks like they have their hands full here,"

"We should try and find our way around this place, maybe we can find an empty room where we can set ourselves up and at least get some rest and privacy,"

"But we're going to find Violet right?" Alice asked in alarm.

"We're going to find her," I promised. "But we'll be no good to her like this, let's get ourselves sorted and then we'll go and find James, he'll have made sure everything's taken care of I promise,"

Carla slumped in defeat and Sirius took her into his arms, cradling her against his chest. "Ok, let's go,"

As both the boys carried their girls, I lead them away from the entrance and down some hallways where people were still being treated on the side of the halls, and there was still blood and screaming.

"Wow…this is just so…wow," Carla whispered.

I nodded. We were stuck in some sort of nightmare that's for sure. I mean, of course we'd seen war and pain, but not to this magnitude. It made me beyond angry, it made me sick to my stomach.

"Remus?"

I whipped my head up at Sirius' question and saw Remus slumped on the floor with his head in his hands, his back against a closed door.

We all rushed over. "What happened? Are you ok? Where's Violet?"

Remus kept his face hidden as he replied. "She's in surgery as we speak,"

"Where's James?" I asked, half scared of the answer.

"He's assisting,"

"Do they know the extent of the damage?" Alice asked.

Remus looked up and he looked like death himself. His eyes were sunken and red, dark circles lined his eyes, wrinkles appeared that I was sure I had never seen before and his lips were pale and pressed in a fine line.

"Whatever it is, it's not good, and it's not looking any better,"

"God, how did this happen?" Carla asked.

"Pirates," I replied simply.

"Spineless bastards is what they are," she said fervently. "I'd like to see them taken down a peg or two…or five, whatever it took to get them to feel what we're feeling,"

"Don't go doing anything stupid like seeking them out," Sirius warned her firmly.

Carla patted his cheek affectionately. "It's ok baby, I leave all the stupidity to you,"

Sirius nestled against her cheek. "Good girl,"

"How long have they been in there?" I asked Remus gently.

"About forty minutes," he replied.

"Is she…? Do you think she's going to…?"

"I don't know, I don't want to know," he replied, leaning heavily against the door.

At that moment the door opened and Remus fell against the floor, looking up at an old, unkempt looking man in bloodied scrubs.

We all scrambled to stand up right and together.

"Well?" Remus asked. "Has anything changed?"

The elder man, pulled off his face mask and turned to us with watery, sad eyes.

"There was a lot of blood loss, she's not in the clear yet but the worst is certainly over. With the extent of her injuries and the curse stopping her blood from clotting so it's running freely it's hard to say when she's going to recover…or if she's going to be able to pull through this in the long term, she certainly will be unable to get into any altercations that involve getting cut or causing any bleeding again. That being said, we have managed to stabilise her for now and she's breathing on her own,"

"That's great news right?" Alice asked. "That she's stabilised and breathing ok? It means she's got a great chance of surviving,"

The doctor nodded but he was still looking at Remus so sympathetically I knew there was still another blow coming.

"I'm sorry son," he told Remus placing his hand on his shoulder. "We tried our very best but there was just nothing we could do, the knife penetrated right through and even had she been treated immediately, I doubt there was much we could have done,"

Remus looked at the doctor in confusion. "I don't understand what you're saying,"

The doctor looked at Remus with enormous amounts of regret and pity. "The baby son, the baby didn't make it, I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I'm going to have to rush off now to get some more blood for the transfusions, I'll be back soon and it shouldn't be long until you can see her,"

With a final shoulder squeeze, he shuffled off down the hall leaving us all in a very uncomfortable silence.

I could practically hear everyone's heart beating it was so silent, I certainly could hear the elevated breathing coming from Remus.

A few minutes ticked by and still no one said anything until finally, Remus looked up; his eyes wide and scared like a child who had lost their way.

"What baby?"


	65. Chapter 65

Hey everyone, so sorry it's taken so long to update, i had my 21st birthday to organise and then holidays with family and friends from interstate so life has just been crazy for me.

Never the less, i managed to slap together some sort of a chapter for you, even if the quality isn't so crash hot, at least you're not still waiting right :P

as always, this story wouldn't get written if there weren't people to read it; missyca23, SecretMarauderette, thebrownclown, Nekoxion9, SecretlyAGryffindor, FaithfulHPReader, Molyl19, October Dusk, adrian' dhampire, JamesLillyHarry, sonshine4ever, crazyem, blueberrymuffin94, caragrace, XXJAMESLILYXX, hello-goodbye146, Loona22, Malala94, TmoVie, kiayame-san, PottedLilies, Holly7795, YourDirtySecret, owugirl10, funinthesun55, The DA is dressed to the nines.

Thank you, thank YOU, you are all amazing.

Lots of love and hoping all is well xxx

* * *

JAMES

Violet looks so tiny in the make shift bed. Tiny, delicate and pale as anything…shit she could easily be mistaken for a porcelain doll.

Her eyes are closed but tears move down her face relentlessly anyway, her eyes clenched tight in pain. I cringe in anguish for the poor girl that can't even get peace in her dreams. My hands quiver as I gently wipe her tears away and then clasp her hand in mine. My eyes focus on the crimson stained sheets and force myself to avoid the tray on the other side of the room that contained the miniscule tragedy.

Fuck! How was I ever going to be able to face Remus again? How were any of us going to get through this? This wasn't just a casualty of war, this was more personal than anything else we'd been able to shake off and we were all so completely unprepared. I sighed and tried to think of anything that could help us…nothing was coming up, all I really knew was that this wasn't something that could be solved by a mini golfing trip.

I let go of Violet's hand and hung my head, burying my face in my hands. This isn't how life was meant to be, all this loss… it was too much. We had all given too much and received so little reward and I wasn't entirely sure how long we could keep up the façade that everything was ok when it wasn't…_I _wasn't.

As I felt moisture on my hands I looked up in confusion, was the damn roof leaking now? Upon inspection the ceiling is bone dry and I furrow my brow as I slowly pat my cheek to feel little drops of moisture.

As I realise that I'm actually crying, Violet' heart monitor starts beeping furiously and my heart races to catch up with the uneven and erratic beeps.

"Violet!" I scream and race to begin thumping on her chest.

Two delicate hands stop me. I freeze and turn to see Violet staring at me; the chords to the machine ripped out from her arms and chest.

"What are you doing?" I ask in panic.

"I can't stay here," she tells me briskly.

I pin her down as gently as I can manage as she rushes to get up.

"You can't leave just yet,"

"So I'm going to be forced to stay here? Kept prisoner?"

I release her at once. "What? Violet no, no one's keeping you prisoner, you just need to stay here until you're better,"

Violet looks at me then down at the sheets that are drenched in blood. "Is all of that mine? Wow, how am I still here?" she murmurs to herself before meeting my gaze again.

"Where's my baby James?"

I keel back in surprise, unsure of how to respond, of what the hell it is I'm meant to say back to that.

"Dead right?" Violet continues in a harsh voice. "Can you change that? Can the doctors make _that_ better? Can my heart be put back together, am I even fixable at this point?"

"Violet…"

"No, they can't, you can't…so there is no point me being ere if I'm not treatable,"

I place my hand on hers gently. "You can't leave yet, you sustained a lot of injuries and blood loss, we don't want to lose you too,"

Violet looks up at me and all the fierceness is gone from her expression now as her eyes fill with tears. "Is there anything else to lose?"

I open my mouth to offer some comfort but only choking sounds come out.

Violet pats my hand softly and we remain in the silence together, crippled by our grief and unable to pretend that we can be strong anymore.

The silence is a cold comfort, and I close my eyes and take solace in the lack of sound, of screams, of pain, of despair.

"Where do we go from here?" Violet whispered.

I sighed. "Mental institution?"

Violet barked out a little chuckle. "God, I don't think even they would know what to do with us,"

I smiled wryly. "Yeah, we are an odd assortment of fucked up aren't we?"

"You know I can't stay right?" Violet asked quietly.

I sighed. "We just went through this, the hospital is the best thing for you right now,"

"No, I don't mean the hospital, I mean, you know I can't stay. I can't just… pretend everything is ok anymore, I can't hang out and I can't laugh with everyone without feeling guilty that it's forced and I certainly can't look at Remus without feeling so utterly heartbroken."

I feel the stab of grief again but before I can say or do anything the door swings open once more and the old doctor comes back in.

"Hello again, how are we feeling?" he asks Violet gently.

Violet turns her face away from him. "I feel like I've been ripped apart and cut open, how about you?"

"Plucky young thing aren't you? I'm just going to check the bleeding and how the stitches are holding,"

Violet throws the sheets off herself and I quickly turn my back as she's practically naked.

"Such a gentleman," he chuckles to himself.

"I think I'm going to take a walk," I say, edging closer to the door. "I'll come check on you later,"

"You don't have to," Violet tells me through a grunt.

"I want to," I reply before I duck out of the door, pressing my back against the cool wall outside and sliding down so I'm sitting on the floor.

My breathing is hard and uneven as I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the wall.

Ahh this was just…this was so hard. Every part of me hurt, every part felt broken.

"James?"

I stayed exactly where I was, eyes shut and all as I replied. "Yes?"

"Are you doing ok mate?"

I don't reply because I can't force myself to lie.

Sirius sits down next to me. "Yeah, it's a bit like that isn't it?"

"Aren't you going to tell me everything's going to be ok?" I reply.

Sirius sighs deeply. "You wouldn't believe me even if I did,"

I quirk my lips up into a little smirk. "True,"

"How's she doing?"

My smile disappears immediately. "Worse than you could ever imagine,"

"So it was true then, the baby? It's…there's no more baby?"

"No more baby," I confirm.

"Fuck," Sirius swears and sighs again deeply.

"Where's everyone else?" I ask, finally opening my eyes.

"Carla, Alice and Lily are all being treated for wounds, Frank is trying to find some food for everyone and Remus…well…he's…go have a look for yourself,"

I look at Sirius's grimy face and follow his eye contact to where Remus is sitting with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, eyes open, blank, life less and staring into space in front of him.

"He's been like that for about ten minutes now," Sirius tells me.

"Hasn't moved at all?"

"Nope, the doctor even threw the word 'catatonic' around but when he suggested moving Remus to his own room he flipped it, said he couldn't leave here until he knew Violet was ok, then he went right back into his little trance,"

Exhaustion pulled at me and I found myself feeling thirty years older. "I'm just…I need a break from this for awhile,"

Sirius smiled ironically. "Like a holiday?"

I sighed. "Well maybe not a holiday…they never seem to turn out,"

"How about we be American and go on Vacation next time?" he suggests hopefully.

I can't help but smile a little at how optimistic Sirius always is, even in times of great sorrow. "Do you really think that's going to do any good?"

"Sure it will, we can reinvent ourselves, I have always thought I would rock at being blonde, not that I don't rock how I am, but you know they say change is as good as a holiday,"

I smile a little wider. "So you're suggesting that we all colour our hair to make ourselves feel better?"

Sirius shrugs. "How is it going to make us feel worse? Besides, if we colour Wormtail's hair pink or something, that's bound to get some laughs from someone,"

I move forward and pull Sirius into a soft hug. "You are tied for my favourite person in the world with Lily,"

Sirius ruffles my hair. "You're tied with me, for being my favourite person,"

I feel the despair shift off me slightly and I couldn't be more grateful for having Sirius in my life than I am at that moment.

"Go get some rest, you're looking dreadful!" Sirius tells me as he moves towards the door Violet's behind.

"What are you doing?" I ask in confusion.

"I already got you smiling…more than once I might add, so I feel like I'm on a roll, I'm going to work on Violet next, laughter is the best medicine after all,"

"And if it doesn't work?"

"Then she can feel better knowing I cared enough to try,"

"Mr Black, who'd have thought you'd turn out to be such a stand up member of society,"

Sirius presses his finger to his lips. "Shh, don't let it get out,"

He gives me a bright grin, instilling a bit more hope in me before he walks through the door.

I turn around and force myself to walk over to Remus.

"Moony?" I ask quietly.

He makes no sign that he's heard me or even realises I'm there.

"Remus? You there mate?"

His eyes still stare into space and he's clutching himself so tightly his knuckles are going white.

"I'm here for you mate, can you hear me? I'm here and I'm always going to be here, no matter what,"

His head tilts down slightly and I take that as his heard me but when I move to touch him he flinches away slightly.

"I'm going to go for a walk but I'll be back Moony, I'll always be back," I tell him before getting up and moving down the corridor, working hard to keep myself together.

I wasn't sure where I had to go so I just kept walking, hoping I'd walk into the cafeteria and I could eat something, maybe con someone into giving me a stiff drink, god knows I needed one…or ten.

I'd been walking maybe five minutes when I found myself standing in front of a door, I had no idea how I'd gotten there or why I chose that door but curiosity got the best of me and I opened the door anyway, hoping to find an empty room that I could get some sleep in at the very least.

"James?"

Lily stood in a hospital gown that dwarfed her, her eyes bright and filled with concern for me.

"Potter?"

In that too big hospital gown, dirty face, no makeup, and hair unkempt she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Without a single word I strode across the room and pulled her into a bear hug, clinging to her with everything I had.

"Honey, are you ok?" she asked softly as she rubbed my back.

I didn't reply just burst into tears and clung onto her like she was my lifeline.

Who was I kidding? She was.

LILY

I let James sob into my shoulder and tried to remain calm even though seeing him this vulnerable scared the shit out of me. He was always the strong one, the one that kept everything together and to see him so helpless, so full of despair broke whatever was left of my heart.

"Hey, it's ok, I'm here, it's going to be ok," I crooned as I rubbed his back and stroked his hair.

James said nothing, just let gasping sobs out on my shoulder as he pressed me closer and closer into his body, trying to get some sort of comfort from entwining our bodies as much as possible.

"Come here," I told him softly as I led him over to the bed and lay behind him, tracing circles on his back with one hand as I stroked his hair with the other, whispering soothing things into his ear, trying to do anything I could think of to get him to stop crying, to try and ease his pain.

"Please stop crying," I whispered tearfully. "Or at least tell me what I can do to help you,"

James took a wavering breath, wiped his tears away furiously and then turned around to face me, his face so down trodden.

"Sorry, not very manly of me huh?" he said.

I kissed the last of his tears away. "You're the manliest damsel in distress ever,"

James smiled weakly. "Gee thanks,"

I cuddled closer, resting my head on his chest. "So is Violet ok?"

"Are any of us?" he replied.

"We're alive, that's something," I replied, answering the question the only way I knew how.

James nodded. "I hate this, being all sensitive and overly emotional and stuff,"

I pinched his cheeks playfully. "I like it, proves I married a person not a robot,"

James pressed a kiss lightly to my forehead. "What did I ever do to deserve you,"

"Six solid years of abuse I believe it was,"

James smiled at me and some of the worry lines eased away. "Oh that's right, plenty of scars too,"

I smiled a little. "I just wanted you to feel how much I loved you,"

"Oh I felt it alright, don't you worry about that,"

"We're going to get through this," I told him firmly, trying to force myself to believe it as well.

James ignored my statement and instead asked. "How come you got a room to yourself, where are the girls?"

"Carla is getting her head scanned to see if there's any permanent damage and Frank is probably trying to force feed Alice some food as we speak,"

"So you got the whole room to yourself for awhile, I bet you loved that,"

I smiled a little guiltily. "You have no idea, the peace for even just three minutes has been bliss and I even got to have a quick wash,"

I indicated my still grimy face. "Obviously I hadn't looked in a mirror yet and realised it was my face, not my body that needed the scrubbing,"

James stroked my face lovingly. "You're beautiful, in anyway you come,"

"Even if I looked like this…" I crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue out.

James burst out laughing and tweaked my nose. "Yes, even like that,"

"I think your vision must be going then, or perhaps your mind,"

I jumped off the bed as James made to swipe at me.

"Is that so?" he asked, chasing me around the bed.

"Yep, and I'm thinking it's most probably your mind,"

James lunged across the bed, tackling me and rolling me onto the floor with him, together we laughed on the floor, as we held on tight to each other.

"Thank you," James told me sincerely as he rubbed my hand with his thumb.

"For allowing you to catch me?" I teased.

"No," he said seriously. "For making me laugh, you know, showing me that no matter how dark this world gets, or how far I sink into it, there will always be you, there will always be love and light and hope. You truly are my everything,"

I smiled shyly and gave him a quick peck. "You're quite the charmer Mr Potter,"

He gave me a charming smile back. "You're worth charming,"

I gave him one final peck and then began pulling him to his feet. "Come on Prince Charming, we better get back and see how everyone's doing,"

James sighed. "Yeah, I guess so,"

Together we walked hand in hand and began our walk back to Violet.

"How did Remus find out?" James asked before he pressed my hand to his lips.

"The doctor told him when we found out Violet was ok,"

James inhaled sharply. "Shit, that must have been brutal,"

I nodded, remembering the confusion, awareness then heart break that registered on his face right before the melt down. "That's putting it lightly."

"How is Violet coping with it all?" I asked tentatively.

James just shook his head, finding no words to describe it.

"Shit. What a mess huh?"

"It certainly is," James agreed. "But we're going to get through this mess, then the one after that and the one after that and eventually, there'll be no mess left for us,"

I squeezed his hand tight as we neared the room Violet was in. "I really hope you're right,"

As we got to Violet's door Sirius walked out, looking a little worn but still with that sparkle that gave us all hope.

His eyes lit up as soon as he saw me and James and he walked over. "Oh that's great timing, Violet wants to see you,"

He paused and turned around to where Remus still hadn't moved. "She wants to see you too Moony,"

"Violet?" Remus asked faintly.

We all walked over, Sirius slowly put his hand on Remus's shoulder. "Yes, Violet, she wants to see you Moony, she's been asking for you,"

Slowly, ever so slowly Remus uncurled himself from his position and stood up on unsteady feet, just before he stumbled James rushed forward and caught him.

"Come on mate, let's get you to your girl,"

"Does he want to see us all together?" I asked.

"I think so," Sirius replied, "I'm not too sure, go in anyway, she'll tell you herself,"

"Aren't you coming?" I asked.

"No, I've done my part, I'm off to go check on a beautiful blacked haired girl who happens to be my woman," he gave us a wink before leaving at a trot down the hall.

"Let's go," I said to Remus, taking his arm and leading him into the room.

As soon as we walked in I felt the tension immediately and I wished we'd stayed on the floor in the room where there was happiness if only for a split second.

Violet looked awful in the bed, blood still soaking the sheets, make up down her face, pale as anything and all emotion wiped clean off her face.

As soon as Remus eyes locked onto Violet some sort of life slammed back into him and he rushed over, taking her hand and kissing it over and over again as tears ran down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry love, oh god I'm so, so sorry," he told her over and over again as Violet remained emotionless.

"Are you ok?" Violet asked as her eyes locked onto me.

I forced a tight smile onto my face as I nodded, Violet didn't look like she believed me for a second.

"I um…" she looked down as she paused, her eyes closed as she gathered her strength. "I brought you in here to say good bye,"

My eyes widened in alarm. "Goodbye? What are you talking about?"

Violet took a deep breath and gently moved her hand out of Remus's. "I can't…this isn't how I want my life to be anymore, I know none of this is any of your fault and that I'm being incredibly selfish but I just…I can't bear it anymore, I can't bear being so close to this war and losing so much with nothing to gain,"

Remus looked lost and close to his catatonic state again. "What are you saying? We can still make this work, I know I won't ever understand how you're feeling or how hard this is but I can help, I want to help,"

Violet's eyes filled with tears. "Babe I just…I can't. I can't deal with any of this, I'm not strong like Lily, I don't have the faith and hope that Sirius has or the kind heart of you, hell, even Carla has enough fire in her to get through this but I'm frail and weak, it's how I've always been,"

Remus shook his head as tears fell down his cheeks. "No, that's not true, you're so strong, you nearly died for me today, you're better than you think, so, so amazing."

"I don't regret saving your life, not one bit, not ever, I would do it all again tomorrow because you're worth saving, but that doesn't change what happened. A piece of me died, a piece of _us_ died Remus and I can't ever get that back. I know you never wanted kids but I do and…the doctor doesn't know if that's ever going to be possible and that's something I'm not sure I can live with. I don't blame you, you are such a great man but you don't really need me and I can't pretend that I'm going to be satisfied with a life filled with no rewards, no children, no family to make it all worth it. I will love you, every day of forever, I just can't spend it with you. I am so sorry,"

Her words hung in the air as we all stood speechless.

Finally Remus nodded, tears still steadily streaming down his face. "I understand, I'm very sorry to cause so much pain for you. I promise this will be the last time I bother you,"

Very slowly he forced himself to take shaky steps away, pausing as he got to the door.

"You will always be the very best part of me, I'm so sorry," he walked out quickly after that, letting the door shut behind him with a snap as we all stood in silence, fighting for the right words to say and finding there were none.


	66. Chapter 66

Hey pretty ones

A very, very short chapter for you today and it's pretty much a filler without much plot movement but I decided after all the traumatic and devastating past chapters we could all use some fluff to lighten the mood a bit.

Thank you so much to the following amazing people; HannahMalfoy123, missyca23, hello-goodbye146, mol19, thebrownclown, Loona22, Malala94, The DA is dressed to the nines, RavenclawLupin11, owugirl10, TmoVie, SecretMarauderette.

Means the world to me that you still care about this little story. Can't thank you enough, really.

So much love your way,

Xx xx xx xx xx xx xx

* * *

JAMES

The breeze tore at my clothing as I sat outside staring into the distance, I barely noticed the cold anymore, I don't know whether it was because I had toughened up and just had more important things to worry about or if I was cold myself these days and just was incapable of feeling anything.

I sighed and smiled ruefully, man if James from two years ago could hear me talking like this I would have my arse beat down real quick and then I would have been told to grow up and shut up.

I scoffed envying who I once was and how much I took for granted back then.

I jumped as weight was added around my shoulders and then warmth.

"Whoa, didn't mean to scare you, you just looked cold,"

I smiled up at Carla who had her head still bandaged, the white a stark contrast to her thick black hair.

I forced a smile. "Thanks,"

Carla took the spot on the balcony next to me and sighed deeply.

"So, how are things?" I asked.

"Things are pretty fucked all around I'd say,"

Her blunt comment caught me off guard and I began to laugh. "Wow, there's no sugar coating with you is there?"

Carla gave me a hard stare. "Did you want me to lie to you? Try and dance around the obvious? I think we're past that you and I, after everything we've been through."

I nodded. "Yeah, you're right. You know, you and Sirius are almost the same person except…"

"I have a banging female body and I'm not such an arse?"

I smiled warmly at her. "Well, there is _that_ but I was referring to the fact that when all is cloaked in darkness you don't tell me everything is going to be ok like Sirius does, you are more of a realist,"

Carla smiled softly. "Ah the one and only Sirius…you see the thing with him, and the difference between he and I is that he truly, one hundred percent with no margin for fault believes that it will be alright in the end, it's why I love him so much, he refuses to allow anything ruin that which he loves or let the darkness touch his heart,"

"Not all of us are so strong," I commented.

"True that Potter, but honestly, we've all got strengths, we're all valuable and we're all dangerous,"

"How do you figure?"

"Would we be targeted so heavily if we weren't a threat? I don't think so. The harder they try to kill us, the more fear we have instilled in them,"

It made sense the more I thought about it. "I guess that makes us bad arses huh?"

"Oh the baddest," Sirius answered from behind us.

"It's rude to eavesdrop you know," Carla told him in mock outrage.

Sirius tweaked her nose lovingly. "One might think it's rude to leave their lovers arms to go and sit with another man,"

Carla rolled her eyes. "Oh please, like you have anything to worry about, Potter is like my brother, my gay brother,"

"Hey!" I called out indignantly.

Carla smiled apologetically. "Well you're married so that means you're off limits so you're gay,"

I ignored her comment and turned to Sirius. "Any news? What's going on?"

Sirius's humour faded from his face and he looked tired again. "No changes. We can't locate Remus, he's fallen off everyone's radar since we left Bulgaria, his parents are completely flipping out, not even Dumbledore has any idea where he's at. Pete's mum is going into panic attack so he's on lock down until she deems it safe enough for him to hang out with us again, Frank and Alice are still away with the Prewett's doing some recon on the pirates and who may have fired them and Lily is still resisting bed rest even though the doctor told her she had internal bleeding and needed to be off rotation and perhaps even see someone to deal with the trauma,"

"And Violet,"

"Packed everything up with her parents two days ago and no one has heard anything from her since, I doubt we'll hear anything from her ever again to be honest,"

Carla gave me a knowing look. "See what I mean? Completely fucked,"

Sirius looked hurt. "No it isn't love, this is just a road bump, things will get better, I promise,"

Carla mimed I told you so at me with a wink and I had to fight to hide my smile as Sirius pulled Carla into his arms and I suddenly felt like I was intruding on an intimate moment.

"Babe, you know that I love you right? More than anything in this world, and I would do anything for you,"

Carla looked uneasy. "I don't have a very good feeling about where this is going Sirius,"

"No it's nothing bad…well not for you anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is just…after the whole Violet thing and everything and I know that you were always against the order and you've been forced into so many situations…"

"Spit it out Sirius,"

"If you wanted to have nothing to do with me, if you don't want this lifestyle, if you cannot live life knowing that I can't give up, that it will always be dangerous then…then I would let you go. I love you more than my own happiness, I love you enough to do anything to make you happy even if it means making me miserable for the rest of my life,"

Sirius looked down and for the first time looked fearful and almost broken, obviously expecting the worst.

"You're an idiot, you do know that right?"

Sirius nodded and hung his head further.

Carla smiled slightly and tilted his head up. "I'm not leaving you or going anywhere you dolt! Have I been scared off by anything so far?"

Sirius looked shocked. "No…but…well I know how you feel about the Order and war and I guess I just thought…"

"That I was going to pack my stuff up and say goodbye to all the effort I put into training you? No chance at all. If this latest disaster has taught me anything it's that life is too short to just hide away and waste it being scared. I want to join in with the battle, I want to fight with you and I want to help make a difference. I can't justify sitting on the sidelines anymore, I can't stand waiting at home wondering if I'll ever see you again. If we're going to go down my love, it will be together,"

Sirius looked up and a glimmer of hope flashed through his face. "Are you saying what I think you are?"

"Yep, sign me up for the war, show me the secret hand shake, give me the sacred tattoo, initiate me into the bad arse club,"

Sirius laughed loudly and freely then pulled Carla up into his arms, spinning her in circles. "Oh babe, I know the whole possible impending doom that you were talking about then shouldn't make me so happy but I just…god I love you so much,"

Carla giggled and then shuffled herself out of Sirius' hold. "Enough of that, James is here,"

"Thank you for noticing Carla, I know we've been through a lot together but I'm really not ever going to recover from watching you guys get it on in my own little private space. You'd ruin any moment of peace I was ever going to get,"

Sirius grinned. "You're such a kill joy these days Prongs, sex is such a beautiful natural occurrence…oh wait I forgot, you're married now. Tough break man, I'll just have to live the best parts of life for you,"

I moved to my feet and swatted him on the head. "Shut up,"

"Nice come back,"

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the sky. "Shit, I gotta go get Lily, I'll be right back,"

Carla looked confused. "James, she's meant to be on bed rest, you know it's almost impossible to get her to do that as it is, do you really want to make it that much harder?"

"I'm really sorry Carla but this time it's important and a very rare thing too, I won't be too long I promise and then we can put her right back into bed, I'll sit on her if I have to,"

Sirius smirked. "Kinky,"

I flipped him the bird before racing down to get to mine and Lily's room where she was sitting pacing the room, her arms crossed over her chest in irritation.

As soon as she heard me step into the room her eyes flashed with rage and she turned to me. "Where the hell have you been? Do you know how crazy I've been going in here? This bed rest order is bullshit, there is nothing wrong with me! So, I got a bit banged up, so what!"

I stepped forward slowly, my hands raised in surrender. "We just want to make sure everyone's healed before we jump head first into another battle,"

"Why isn't anyone else on bed rest then!"

"Because we're not as valuable as you,"

Lily's expression softened somewhat. "That's not true. I'm sorry, I'm being a bitch, it's just that damn head doctor really put me in a mood with his questions "how was your child hood?" "have you always felt the need to vent your anger in a physical manner?" "Do you feel excitement or enjoyment from hurting others, from feeling pain yourself?" What a fucking idiot right?"

I smiled, having reached her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Definitely an idiot, and suicidal by the sounds of it, practically begging you to kick his arse,"

This got Lily smiling. "I know right? Anyway, what brings you here to my prison?"

"I have something to show you,"

Lily rolled her eyes. "James, I'm not really in the mood for that right now,"

I shook my head and smiled. "Head out of the gutter Mrs Potter, I meant something else,"

Lily looked up hopefully. "Does this mean I get to leave the room without the kind Doc scolding me?"

"Sure does, I'll take responsibility for the whole thing,"

Lily beamed and jumped into my arms. "My mood is definitely improving, lead the way my love,"

LILY

James carried me swiftly and gently through the house and lead me onto the roof where he'd build a balcony and astronomy tower just for us to enjoy each other's company away from the world.

Carla and Sirius were waiting, wrapped around each other's bodies when we got there.

"Oh come on guys, I'm not going to be able to keep my dinner down if you keep that up,"

Sirius pulled away slightly and grinned at me. "Jealous?"

I snorted. "Please, I could have James any time in any way I wanted him,"

James threw his hand in the air. "Hello? I'm standing right here,"

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Careful mate, I don't recall your keeper giving you permission to speak,"

James glared back at Sirius. "If you don't keep your mouth shut, you're going to miss it,"

"Miss what?" I asked.

James settled me in his lap and turned me forwards. "The sunset, it's a really beautiful one today,"

It truly was, the purples, blues, yellow, pinks, orange and red's shot across the sky so vibrantly and with such a peaceful beauty that my breath was taken away.

"I didn't think you'd want to miss this," James whispered as he nuzzled my neck. "I figured we could all use a reminder that beauty could be found every single day in the simplest of ways and that they couldn't take that away from us,"

I pressed my lips against James, tangling my hands in his messy hair. "Just when I think I couldn't love you anymore Potter, you go and do something like this,"

James smiled shyly. "I just want to always be your way back into the light and the reason you smile,"

"Aww," Sirius crooned loudly. "If you're not going to kiss him for that Lily, I think I might,"

I rolled my eyes as Carla put her hand over Sirius' mouth. "Thank you for ruining the moment Sirius,"

"I didn't ruin it," he said through Carla's hands. "I included myself in it,"

"Thus ruining it,"

"You're becoming as bad a kill joy as Prongs," Sirius told me as he got to his feet and took Carla with him. "I'm going to go and take advantage of this romantic moment and worship my woman with my body, if you'll excuse me,"

I giggled as Carla blushed deeply. "Thanks for those stunning visuals,"

Sirius gave me a wink before disappearing out of sight. "You are most welcome,"

James stroked my hair lovingly. "He was dropped at birth, probably daily, we can't really fault him for how he turned out,"

I laughed and leant into the warmth of his body. "I think he's right though,"

"That we're kill joys?"

I smiled and ruffled his hair. "No idiot, that everything's going to be ok,"

"How do you figure that?" James replied.

I pointed to the sunset. "Because even through the pitch dark, the light always finds it's way,"

James pulled me closer to him. "As long as I have you babe, I will always have the light,"

I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "You are so corny, but I love it,"

James gave his eye brows a seductive twitch. "How much do you love it?"

"How long can you keep me out of that room?"

"Oh I'm guessing a good twelve hours before anyone gets sent here to force you back,"

I smiled cheekily. "Well then, let me show you how much,"

The moon now high in the sky, our clothes strewn about around us, the wind caressing our skin we lay entwined with each other.

"Let's hope the neighbours don't have binoculars," James said with a laugh.

I buried my head in his chest. "Oh god, can you imagine? I'd never be able to look them in the eye again,"

"Sure you would, and it would be a very superior look as well that said 'yes, my husband and I have sex in public because I am a very sexy minx and he cannot control himself around me, be jealous!"

I giggled and shook my head. "I don't think Sirius was the only who got dropped on his head,"

James tickled me gently. "Is that right? Well, you married me so what does that say about you?"

"Temporary insanity," I told him solemnly.

James chuckled. "Admit it, you kinda love me,"

I smiled, feeling peaceful, warm and close to content in his arms. "Maybe just a little,"

James rubbed circles on my back as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "You know we should probably get dressed again soon and head back inside,"

I groaned. "Do we really have to?"

"Well, we could stay out here all night and then you could get pneumonia and the doctors will force you to stay in bed for another month,"

I don't think I've ever jumped up faster in my life. "Inside now, we have to move quickly, I can feel the goose bumps on my arm. I cannot risk another goddamn day trapped indoors,"

James chuckled and pushed himself onto his elbows.

"No, move faster," I urged as I headed towards the entrance back inside.

James smiled wickedly. "Not that I mind, but you may want to put some clothes on first. I'm not sure how Sirius and Carla are going to take you in all your sexiness,"

I looked down to my completely naked form and blushed as I tried to use my hands to cover myself up.

James laughed even harder. "Nothing I haven't seen before love,"

"Yes, but we've now given the neighbours an even better look at me completely starkers," I replied as I hurried pulled my clothes back on.

"I'll expect thank you baskets on the door step tomorrow," James retorted as he jumped into his clothes.

I rolled my eyes. "Hilarious James really, you should do stand up,"

James took an exaggerated bow. "Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week!"

"You have no idea how tempting it is to push you off the roof right now,"

James put on a mock horrified look. "You would never!"

"You're right, then I'd have no one to do the dishes, rub my back or paint my toes with," I gave him a wink and raced down the stairs as he chased after me.

Laughing freely I kept running, James close on my heels until I collided into something and someone cold and hard.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry," I began to say as I rubbed my head.

"It's my fault, I should have owled first,"

I froze and slowly looked up to see a very tatty and worn Remus standing in front of me. "Remus?"

Remus nodded, his face expressionless.

Without thinking I wrapped my arms around him, shocked by just how thin he had become in such a short amount of time. "Oh my god, where have you been? We were all so worried,"

Remus remained stiff and tall, his arms be his side. "I needed space,"

"Moony!"

Remus flinched slightly as James came skidding to a halt in front of us.

"James," Remus said quietly as he stepped away from me.

James moved forward and punched Remus lightly in the arm and then pulled him into a man hug. "You don't ever disappear on us again you got that? I'm already fighting the losing battle against going grey, I don't need you to make it even worse!"

Remus said nothing, just stood stiff, although his hand moved up slightly to rest on James back.

"Who found you?"

"I did,"

Stepping from the shadows was my psychologist.

"And how did you possibly know where he would be?" I demanded.

"It's my job to get inside people's minds Mrs Potter," he replied calmly.

I groaned in frustration. "Yeah, yeah, so what does this mean? Am I on bail now? You're going to help Remus instead?"

His lips quirked slightly and it was almost a smile. "No Mrs Potter, you're not getting a get out of jail free card as you would call it,"

"Well what the hell am I getting then?" I asked impatiently, my mood already nose diving.

It was Remus who answered me.

"A Jail mate,"


	67. Chapter 67

Hey my little munchkins!

How is this holiday season treating everyone? Good I hope. I am so so sorry it has taken me forever to update. It gets to the point of the year where I struggle to find time to sleep let alone write!

Never the less, I did smash this one out for you. More or less just a filler chapter and definitely not the best writing but I figured you all deserved a little Christmas cheer :D

To my amazing reviewers; SaritaLissie13Ginevra, marinewife08, missyca23, Jamaze, KiwiChickGeorgia, Ja9WM, fantapepsi, iloveharrypotter, kittykatkitkat, thesunwillshine, thebrownclown, Holly7795, October Dusk, TheNewWeasleyGirl, SecretlyAGryffindor, The DA is dressed to the nines, TmoVie, RavenclawLupin11, Loona22, owugirl10.

You are all AWESOME! Thank you SO much. I appreciate each and every one of you and can't describe how much it means to me. Love you heaps and wishing you all the best xxx

* * *

JAMES

Lily's mouth dropped.

"You're kidding right? This is meant to be some sort of joke?"

Remus observed her dully. "If so, I've yet to find the humour."

"So, you're going to lock both of us up? Ask your stupid head questions? Fix what's broken inside of us?"

Before her doctor could reply Lily barked out a laugh.

"You can't fix us; the only ones that can fix us _are_ us and it's getting pretty fucking difficult to start feeling normal again when you're treated like you're crazy."

"Mrs Potter, I can understand your frustration, however, there is nothing you can do. This will go a lot more smoothly if you stopped resisting."

Lily's eyes flashed. "What exactly are we expected to do?"

"Meet with me for two hours per day at a minimum, follow my instructions. Stay out of the fighting for awhile. Ease your own suffering before adding more. _Listen._"

Lily waved his instructions away. "Yeah, yeah, you want us to play nice. Be good little robots and sit down and shut up."

Her doctor's lips quirked slightly. "I believe I'm asking no different of you than Professor Dumbledore would."

"Really?" Lily asked sarcastically. "Enlighten me."

"Are you soldiers of a sort?"

"Yes."

"Do you follow the order's of those in charge?"

"…Yes."

"Has it killed you following such orders?"

"….no."

"So, really, by asking you to do what you're told for your own benefit. How is this any different…apart from having no blood or drama."

Lily pouted her lips. "I feel useless here."

"And if you went charging into battle injured and got yourself or others killed because of it; that would be more useful?"

Lily's mouth dropped open and she stared at the doctor with a resentful respect.

Sensing a victory he smiled. "Delightful. I'll be back tomorrow ten am sharp for our first meeting."

"Can we make it eleven? I like to lie in when I'm not facing impending doom."

"I believe that can be arranged. I'll leave you all to enjoy the rest of your night together. I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow."

Lily ignored him and turned into my arms. "We could leave right? Get on your broom and just go somewhere?"

I smiled. "You're willingly suggesting a broom ride? Wow, you must really hate that stuff."

"How would you like some stranger poking around your most intimate moments and thoughts."

I froze at the word intimate, not being able to help thinking of Lily and that pompous head doctor getting into intimate situations.

Lily smiled slyly. "Exactly."

I shrugged away the awful imagery and then swept Lily off her feet and over my shoulder.

"James! What are you doing?"

"Getting intimate Mrs Potter," I replied in my best imitation of the Doc's voice.

Lily giggled and kicked around half heartedly. "No! We still have to make dinner and Remus is right there!"

I turned around to find us now in an empty room.

"Oh…well he _was_ there," Lily said quietly as she slid down my body and back to the ground.

I smacked my head firmly. "Shit! Such an idiot. Of course he's going to bail once we start to act all lovey around him."

Lily sighed sadly. "It's not your fault. This is just going to be an adjustment for all of us I guess. We'll get through it."

"Look who's sounding like Sirius more and more each day."

Lily pulled a face. "Yeah, yeah. Speaking of which, I'm just going to order some pumpkin pies and a roast chicken or something. I'll be back in like thirty minutes, you get Sirius and Carla all sorted for dinner. We're going to have a semi normal dinner for once in this far from normal world."

Hooking my fingers through the gaps in Lily's shirt I dragged her close so she was flat against my body.

"And then I'll have something sweet for dessert after."

Lily blushed slightly. "I do have a pretty big sweet tooth."

"Well I am your willing slave my love. I will do anything to satisfy that hunger of yours."

Lily flushed again and gave me a quick peck before stepping away from me. "Well I'm going to go now otherwise no one's going to be eating tonight."

"I'm fine with that," I called after her, admiring her physique as she walked away.

"Go get your boyfriend sorted," she replied over her shoulder.

_I am the luckiest man in this world._

Smiling to myself I navigated my way through the house until I reached Sirius and Carla's make shift room.

Without thinking I opened the door to witness a naked Sirius gyrating on top of Carla who thankfully was mostly hidden by his huge body.

"Shit!" I cursed as I tried to find any other spot in the room to focus on except the two bodies in front of me.

Carla squeaked loudly before kicking Sirius off her with such force I was actually impressed, which resulted in Sirius being launched off the bed, butt naked landing on the hard wooden floor.

"What the fuck man!" Sirius grunted as he lay lifeless on the ground no doubt trying to access the damage of his fall.

Carla dived under the sheets so only a few black stray hairs were visible. "Oh my god, this has got to be the most embarrassing moment of my life."

"I'm so sorry," I babbled. "I was just coming in to let you know Lily is getting dinner and it will be ready soon."

"Can't you see we're busy? I mean, _shit_ Prongs, could your timing be worse?"

Forgetting the severe awkwardness of the situation I turned to face Sirius, hands on hips.

"You're kidding right? How many times have you interrupted me? Cock blocked me? I'd say this is some well deserved justice."

"Yeah, but they were all your fault. You know the rules man!"

I shrugged out of my jacket and threw it over Sirius. "First of all; cover up. I don't think I'll ever be able to close my eyes again now and secondly; I have only four words for you. No. Tie. On. Door."

Sirius's mouth dropped and for a moment he was speechless then recovering quickly as only Sirius could he began to slowly applaud.

"Alright mate, you got me. I can't fault you for that, I knew the rules and I failed."

"Hell yes you did," came Carla's voice from under the sheets. "You have just secured a sexless week for yourself. You told me you had it taken care of! 'We don't need to lock the door babe, the boys and I have a fool proof plan.'"

"It _is_ a fool proof plan babe! I just sorta…forgot the main element of it."

"That you're a fool?"

Sirius sighed. "How long are you going to be mad at me for? How many hours of grovelling am I looking at?"

I covered my smiled with my hand and turned to leave. "I'll let you guys work this out. Dinner is going to be ready in twenty minutes, clothes are compulsory."

I could practically feel the steam of embarrassment radiating from Carla.

"Thanks James."

Twenty minutes later I was still laughing to myself.

"What are you laughing at?"

I looked up to see Lily with her arms full staring at me.

I rushed to my feet to help her with laying all the food on the bench.

"Oh I just got a little pay back on Sirius finally,"

Lily's eyes sparked with mischief. "He didn't! Did he actually forget the tie?"

I nodded as I started to laugh. "He sure did."

Lily punched the air in triumph. "Oh freaking finally! That's so great! All this time Carla has been telling me I just don't know how to do stealth, pfft look who's caught now?"

I nodded. "She may never return to her original colouring again."

Lily giggled in delight. "Oh my god, what was his face like? Did he just die? This is so hilarious!"

"Not for everyone, and I think he's wishing he were dead right now,"

We both turned to see Carla draped in layer of layer of clothes, arms crossed and a no nonsense look on her face.

Lily moved over to Carla, pulling her scarf off playfully. "Got enough layers on?"

Carla tugged on her jumper self consciously avoiding my eyes. "I may never have enough on in the presence of your husband."

Lily's eyes snapped back to me suspiciously and I raised my hands in surrender.

"Hey, Sirius had her all covered and then when she dumped him on the floor the sheets covered it all. I saw nothing inappropriate."

Lily nodded in satisfaction then turned back to wrap her arms around Carla's neck.

"Pay back certainly is a bitch huh?"

"I will never mock you again, I swear. I can't imagine how awful it would be to have it happen constantly, but don't worry, Sirius has assured me from now on instead of the tie, knocking will suffice."

"Where is Sirius?" I asked, praying Carla hadn't tortured him too harshly.

"Here," came the tiniest of voices.

All our heads turned as one and collectively we gasped.

"Oh…my…god."

LILY

My eyes widened and like a car crash; as traumatic as the sight was in front of me I just couldn't tear my eyes away.

Sirius stood for once reserved and uncertain in Carla's bright pink lingerie…leaving hardly anything to the imagination.

Carla was the only one that didn't look surprised…just triumphant.

"Sirius has kindly agreed to don this outfit so that he can understand the humiliation of private things being made public."

"And so he can get laid again," James murmured,

"No!" Sirius said eyeing Carla warily. "It's just so I can make it up to Carla. I should have been more careful and I am very, very sorry."

I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing but the whole thing was just so ridiculous I couldn't help myself. Starting as a giggle it soon turned to deep laughter as tears streamed down my face and I ended up on the floor; James right next to me.

"I was going to ask if I was still welcome for dinner but I'm not too sure I'm still hungry…or prepared for the horror in front of me."

Abruptly our laughter ended as we turned to see Remus hovering in the door way looking as unkempt as possible.

"I don't know what you're talking about Moony," Sirius said sulkily. "There's nothing going on here that's unusual. In fact, I suggest everyone sit down and we can enjoy a nice meal together."

'Um…could you at least put a jacket on or something?"

Carla grinned and handed Sirius her fluffy pink robe. "Here you go baby,"

Sirius grit his teeth and forced a tight smile. "Thanks so much babe."

I chuckled softly before allowing James to pull me to my feet.

"Sorry Remus, of course you're welcome for dinner. I didn't know what everyone wanted so I sorta grabbed a bit of everything so the more the merrier really."

Remus gave me an almost genuine smile and I felt a lightness in my body…hope I think it was.

"Come on then everyone," James said ushering us all towards the table. "Take a seat and let's dig in? Mrs Potter has worked very hard to buy all of this for us,"

I pulled a face and flicked a piece of potato at him. "Shut up, I don't see you bringing home the bacon."

James stood and flexed his arms. "I am a hunter not a gatherer!"

"You're going to go to bed hungry if you don't shut up and get yourself a plate," I told him mock sternly.

James saluted me before dumping a large chicken breast on his plate. "Yes ma'am."

"This looks great Lily, thank you," Remus murmured quietly, looking down.  
I gently put my hand on his and he jumped slightly, surprised by the touch. "You are more than welcome."

An uneasy silence fell on the table with words that need to be said but couldn't and people that should have been there that weren't.

"Pink is definitely your colour," James said to Sirius, breaking the silence.

Sirius turned a shade appropriate for his outfit and bit his tongue to keep from snapping back at James and risking upsetting Carla further.

"It does seem to give him a special sort of something doesn't it?" Carla added, tweaking Sirius's nose.

"Oh definitely, in fact, you should wear pink more often."

"NO!"

Carla struggled to keep a serious face. "Are you saying you don't like the outfit?"

Sirius opened and shut his mouth a couple times, working to find the right words to say.

"No…I... I'm… I just think that unlike you, I only have a few colours that work on me, Not everyone can be sensational in everything like you."

Carla grinned. "Correct answer, you can go and put some pants on."

Sirius jumped up in excitement. "Oh thank god! Can I change now?"

Carla nodded and Sirius began to skip away. "Oh Sirius? You have to keep the bra on though,"

Sirius froze for a second and then continued on back to their room to get some clothes on.

James laughed whole heartedly. "If he doesn't marry you Carla, he is definitely dead to me. You are the best thing to come into his life and the most entertaining that ever came into ours,"

Carla bowed slightly. "Why thank you! Violet always said we would make the best couple. That we'd have a joint wedding with her and…"

Carla stopped abruptly as Remus froze food half way to his mouth; a coldness sweeping through the room.

"Oh… Remus! I didn't…I'm so stupid…please forgive me. I didn't…I wasn't thinking!"

Remus nodded and stood up. "Nothing to forgive, it's fine. If you'll excuse me."

With a pop he was gone and we were all left behind to deal with the after math.

Carla's eyes filled with tears and she hung her head. "Oh god I'm such an idiot!"

"What the hell just happened?" Sirius asked as he entered in loose black pants and the bright pink bra.

"I ruined everything," Carla murmured again. "We were starting to have such a good night and I had to open my big mouth and make Remus leave!"

Sirius wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Hey, no one made him leave. He chose to and he's going to come back."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"Look, I'll go bring him back now,"

I stood up, knowing over protective Sirius was not what Remus needed to deal with right now. "No, I'll go. I'm not guaranteeing I'll bring him back, or that I'll even know where he is but I'll talk to him if I can, see what I can do."

"Can you tell him I'm sorry?" Carla asked.

I nodded. "I don't think he'll want an apology, but I'll tell him."

James took my hand gently. "Don't do anything stupid,"

I smirked. "I love that it's not 'I love you babe' for my farewell."

James smirked back. "You already know that though, where as I don't know you won't do something stupid."

I ruffled his hair. "Can't make any promises,"

"Then I'm going to continue to say it."

With a final smile at everyone I apparated to Violet's old house, right into what used to be her room.

Remus was sitting on the floor, still as a statue could ever be.

"You're getting pretty good at dramatic exits," I mused.

Remus didn't even look up to acknowledge me. "Practice I guess."

"What are you doing here?"

"I guess at the end you have to go back to where it all began, try and work through it so you can start fresh."

"How's that going for you?"

"I've been here every night since…how do you think it's going?"

I sat down next to Remus, our shoulders almost touching. "Maybe you're going about it all wrong."

Now he looked at me. "How do you mean?"

"I don't think this is the end."

"Isn't it?"

"Nope."

"What is this then?"

"A new beginning."

"Pretty depressing beginning."

I nudged him gently. "Every fairytale starts off with a problem right? With some unspeakable evil that threatens to end everything good and pure. Then what happens?"

"There is a happy ending," he answered grudgingly.

"That's right and we're not even in the middle of our fairy tale yet, not even nearly close to the end."

"Only the good guys get the happy ending Lily,"

I linked my arm through his. "Then I guess you're getting the best kind of ending huh?"

Remus met my eyes and then ever so slowly, a beautiful smile spread across his face.


	68. Chapter 68

Hey my little darlings :D

Here is my xmas gift to you all. A quick update with some comedy and drama all mixed together. I probably won't get a chance to update before next year so to each and every one of you; I hope santa is good to you, you are spoiled, have great memories to add to your catalogue, get a kiss on new years and start fresh an amazing year that you each deserve.

To name a few sensational people; amroberts17, daniela2707, Loona22, Demitria 837, tdogg, RavenclawLupin11, kiayame-san, TmoVie, missyca23, owugirl10, The DA is dressed to the nines.

I love you all. You and your compassion for this story mean so much to me.

Merry Christmas,

All my love xxx

Cheynee :-) 3

* * *

JAMES

There was blood on the moon.

I looked up and the silvery orb in the sky was ominous, bright and outlined by red.

It meant trouble was brewing and not far off.

_Goddamn it, hadn't we had enough trouble?_

I was on edge, feeling like my whole body was an electrical buzz reaching explosive points.

Fuck, I really hated this. My gut instincts were not often wrong and honestly? Sometimes that freaking sucked.

Give me a mundane boring life any day where the most exciting thing that happens is picking out wall paper with Lily and which room to do up as a nursery.

"Prongs! Stop making googly eyes at the moon and get a move on. Do you want Moony to be dealing with tonight alone?"

There was blood on the moon and a sense of foreboding in the air. Did I really want to flirt with disaster?

"Coming," I replied to Sirius as I turned away.

I guess so.

"What's wrong with you tonight?" Sirius asked as we apparated to the old dungeon Remus used now that we weren't at Hogwarts.

"I don't know, nothing."

Sirius eyed me suspiciously. "It's not nothing."

"Can't you just pretend to not know me so well?"

"No can do buddy, so how about you spill?"

I sighed. "Something feels off about tonight."

"Well obviously, full moons are never fun."

"No, this is different. I can't shake the feeling that trouble is on it's way."

Sirius bumped me gently. "Mate, I don't know how to say this to you but… trouble is always on it's way."

I bumped back impatiently. "Just forget it."

Sirius grabbed my arm as I tried to stalk off. "Hey, I'm sorry. I'm being an arse. I'm just trying to say that it's probably nothing, just all the stress getting to you, or nerves. It _has_ been forever since we were active in the field."

I knew that wasn't it, that it was something deeper and darker making me feel this way but eternal optimist Sirius could rationalise anything so there was no point in even getting it started with him.

"Yeah," was all I said.

Sirius gave me some sort of a manly half hug and then went on his way, slight skip in his step like usual.

Man, what I wouldn't give to be Sirius for a day and carry around all the burdens of the world as if they were a feather.

"Hey, is Pete meeting us here?" I asked as I caught up.

"He should hopefully already be there,"

By this point we had reached the tunnel leading right to where Wolf-Remus would be and couldn't go any further in our current form.

Sirius turned and smirked at me. "Last one in has to sit in on the next shrink meeting and talk about how our childhood tendencies have created monsters of us all."

Before I gave him the satisfaction of a response I transfigured myself and began running full pelt down the tunnel.

Judging by the snarls and snaps at my feet I could tell Sirius wasn't that impressed with me.

Relaxing into my stag form I allowed myself to get carried away in the motions, the senses and smells of my animal form. I was free from all responsibility, all drama and all pain.

This and being in the air were my respite from the world, my happy place, my very own heaven on earth… apart from being with Lily of course.

If I had the ability to laugh in this form I would be laughing freely as I pushed myself to move faster and faster feeling lighter and lighter as I did so.

Sirius was whining just behind me, no doubt still bitching to me in his own way about my premature start. As I felt him right behind me I let my legs kick out further to give him a little scrape.

He yelped in surprise as I made contact and I felt like a young boy again, mucking around with his mates just having a laugh.

Still in my euphoric state I forgot to be cautious as I entered Remus's lair; instead just galloping right in and putting myself in the highest form of danger.

Skidding to a halt I tried to jump against the wall so I could face any attack head on; preparing for the very worst.

Nothing but an eerie silence followed my entrance, quickly shattered by Sirius storming in.

Jumping into action I sprung in front of Sirius even though he was probably the best bet for protection.

Nothing came for us.

Sirius nudged me inquisitively.

Not for the first time I wished we could communicate in our animal forms.

I shook my head at him and tried to nod towards the nothingness where Remus clearly wasn't…and either was Peter.

Oh fuck…Peter. Something had to have happened for him not to be here.

An awful thought crossed my mind. _What if he was here we just couldn't see him and he couldn't move?_

There was movement behind me and a pop, I jumped around to face Sirius now in human form.

I rammed into him firmly panicking at his stupidity.

"Whoa man, chill the fuck out ok? They aren't here. Either of them. I have a better sense of smell then you, remember? Their scent is fading but still pretty fresh, I'm guessing they've been gone around half an hour max."

I magicked back into myself and pushed him again. "Don't do anything stupid again. I don't care how sure you are of yourself, if there's even point zero of a percent that there could be danger you play it safe. No one else is going to be getting hurt this year if I can help it."

Sirius smiled sheepishly. "Getting all concerned for me mate?"

"Pissed off is probably a better description but whatever works for you."

"Ouch."

"That's enough. We've gotta think fast, were-Remus is out there possibly with Peter, we don't know. What we do know is that we have to get to him before anyone gets hurt. Remus may have come a long way with therapy the last couple weeks but there is no way he'd recover if anyone got hurt."

Sirius sobered up. "I know. Alright, so how do you want to do this then? Animal form and sniff them out?"

"Yeah that's probably the best bet."

I was just about to change back when Sirius grabbed my arm. "Should we tell the girls?"

I hesitated. "I don't think so. Lily will just try to be a hero and I'll end up getting killed trying to look out for both of you."

"We are both very capable thank you very much!" Sirius told me indignantly.

"Tick tock Sirius," I replied curtly before changing, Sirius just a split second behind me.

Sirius howled loudly as we exited the dungeon and in the distance we heard an answering howl back.

We glanced at each other and then began to run as fast as we could.

Fuck I hope we weren't too late.

LILY

"I hate full moons,"

I turned around to see Carla peering outside at the moon.

"Because of Remus?" I asked.

Carla sighed. "Because of everything. It's always when guys act weird, like their equivalent of a period, creepy things always tend to happen around full moons and poor Remus goes through the change."

I peered outside at the unusually large orb and the circle around it.

"Blood on the moon tonight, means trouble is near."

Carla smacked me lightly. "Gee thanks, that's really helping my freak out over here,"

I wrapped an arm around her. "Sorry, you know I have issues with blunt honesty. It's going to be just like any other time they go out though, it's nothing unusual or overtly more dangerous so there's no point wasting our night freaking out over nothing."

Carla stared at me in shock. "Wow, Mr doctor man is really making an impression on you huh?"

I batted my eye lashes playfully. "If I'm a really good girl I get a lollipop at the end of each session."

Carla chuckled and swatted at me. "Smart arse. You know what I meant."

I shrugged. "I guess it's going ok. Doesn't push me too hard I guess and he's really good with Remus, sensitive to his needs I guess."

Carla frowned slightly. "Poor Remus. I wish there was something we could do to make it easier on him, I wish there was a cure,"

I exhaled deeply. "I don't even know if he'd accept the cure even if we had one."

"What? Why not?"

"I think he sees is as a just punishment for all the wrongs he's ever made."

Carla snorted. "That's a load of crap. He's quite possibly the most genuinely nice guy ever to walk this earth, I mean, how can you not love Remus?"

I smiled. "I know, but I think his perception of himself is somewhat different…especially since Violet…well… you know."

Carla scowled deeply. "Yeah…Violet. Listen, I know she was our friend…"

"_Was_?"

Carla gave me a sharp look. "Yeah, was. As I was saying, I know what she went through was traumatic, but honestly? We have all been through so much, I mean look at you and James! And neither of you felt the need to completely shatter the one person that cared the most about you or run away from everything you've known."

I raised my eyebrows is shock. "Wow, tell me how you really feel."

Carla looked non plussed. "I'm a black and white kinda girl babe, I call things how I see it and the way I see it? She was wrong to do that to him and until she comes back and tries to make amends, she's going to continue to be wrong."

"Remus would smile if he knew how great a friend he has in you."

"I'm never nice for no reason Mrs Potter, you know this."

"That I do future Mrs Black,"

Carla blushed slightly perhaps her first time ever and I pounced on her split second weakness.

"You're not already engaged are you?"

"No!"

"Then why the blush?"

"Sirius sorta… well last night he took me to one of his favourite childhood places, he said he has four happy places in all the world and that this was his second, Hogwarts being his first and that the day he shows me all his happy places he's going to take me somewhere new afterwards, somewhere special and remote and he will propose so then he will have five happy places and one he will share with me."

My mouth dropped. "Oh my god."

"What? Why do you look so shocked?"

"Well, it's just…I didn't know Sirius had so many layers, that he was so sentimental."

Carla grinned. "Sweet heart, you are not the only one with a guy in touch with his feelings you know. Don't think you're so special, there are plenty of softies out there."

I bowed mockingly in defeat. "My bad, my bad! I will never again assume I am the only one with a chick for a boyfriend."

Carla giggled. "I don't know why you were surprised, they are best friends after all and you saw how close they are; they probably practiced all these lines on each other for years."

I started laughing. "It really wouldn't surprise me."

BOOM.

Carla screamed at the same time I jumped.

"What the fuck!"

"It's ok," I whispered to her.

"You can't tell me it's ok when we don't even know what happened yet! What the hell was that?"

"It sounded like the back door slamming," I replied slowly, trying to keep my senses sharp.

Carla's gaze shifted outside for a moment. "It's not windy though so I don't think it was a natural thing."

Impulsively I dashed into the laundry and grabbed a cricket bat.

"What the hell is that?" Carla asked. "Some sort of uber wand?"

"Huh? Oh…no this is a bat, to you know, scare someone off with."

"And you aren't using your wand why?"

I froze and felt a bit sheepish. "Oh. Sorry, I guess muggle training kicked in for a second."

I put the bat down and replaced it with my wand before creeping towards the back of the house, Carla right behind me.

"I told you nothing good can come of a full moon and you jinxed it talking about blood and such!" she hissed in my ear.

"Shh," I hissed back. "You'll send them right to us,"

Carla kept silent but disapproval fell off her in waves.

Silently we crept around the corner, our wands at the ready for whatever awaited us on the back deck. Counting to three in my head I sprung out from around the safety of the wall, wand raised…only to find a bleeding rat on the floor, a broken vase next to it.

"Ew it's a rat!" Carla shrieked raising her wand to attack.

Recognising the marks on the rat I pushed Carla's arm out of the way.

"Wait! It's not a rat!"

No sooner had I spoken then Peter was lying in front of us naked on the tile, bleeding slightly from his head.

"Carla, towel now!"

Carla scampered off as I knelt by Peter's head. "Hey Pete, what happened? Are you ok?"

"S-sorry for scaring you," he muttered. "Couldn't see in the dark and must have tipped the vase over and it landed on my head. I promise I'll replace it."

"Never mind that," I told him, wiping some of the blood off his forehead. "What happened?"

Carla draped a towel over Peter without uttering a word and waited next to me for an explanation.

"I'm not too sure… I…I went to wait the moon out with Moony, I was to be the first there you see…but…uh…"

"But what?" Carla asked harshly. "What happened!"

"Carla, back off," I whispered firmly. "Sorry Pete, take your time."

Peter opened his mouth a couple times hesitating before replying finally. "It…it happened so fast, I just… I didn't mean… you must understand…"

"For god's sake Peter spit it out!" Carla cried out.

"He's gone," he whispered.

"Gone?" I repeated.

"Remus…he's out on the loose."

My whole body froze with dread.

James. Please tell me James is ok.

"Where are the boys?"

"I don't k-know. I came straight here to see if I could catch them."

Carla was already on her feet. "Take me there,"

Peter looked so terribly frightened and distraught. "N-no! Not you too! You…just stay here ok?"

"I'm afraid we can't do that," I said gently. "If you don't want to show us that's fine, can you at least tell us where you think they may have gone?"

Peter's eyes twitched left and right and he seemed unwilling to give me any answers.

"Please Pete, this is James and Sirius we're talking about. Not to mention countless other innocents. We have to get out there before someone gets killed. I'm begging you, please help us."

Peter cast his eyes down, guilty. "The old dungeon by the out skirts of the city, that's where he… that's where he escaped from. I'm guessing he will head straight through the woods to town to try and find fresh blood."

"Thank you," I whispered and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"We have to go now," Carla said anxiously.

I stood and held her hand. "Let's go then."

The next second Peter's face had vanished and we were in the woods near town.

"Hey Lils?" Carla asked quietly as we rushed through the woods swiftly.

"Yeah?"

"Next time you feel like giving any fun fact about possible trouble or doom and gloom can you just keep the urge to yourself?"

I almost smiled. "Sure."

Carla grunted in frustration. "I feel like we're taking too long. I wish we'd been smart enough to think about becoming an Animagi."

"Or stupid enough you mean?" I replied.

Carla smiled affectionately. "That too. It would help though, animal sense of smell is amazing and we could use any lead possible at this point."

"I think our hearing is good enough for now."

"And what are we meant to be listening for?" Carla asked.

"Screams," I replied grimly.

"Oh yeah, I'm really good at hearing that," she replied sarcastically just before we heard a loud howl in the not to far distance.

We looked at each other briefly.

"That's close enough," I said before we both fell into a sprint.

God I wished I'd tried harder to be more athletic and fit, all this running was killing me. I wasn't even sure I had the strength to lift my wand up once we got out of these stupid woods, let alone face off against a were wolf.

I glanced over at Carla who was still effortlessly running next to me, barely breaking a sweat.

Life was just not fair.

This time the howl was a hell of a lot closer…like, just ahead of us close.

"Get ready," I commented to Carla.

Carla gripped her wand in response. "Let's just hope no one gets hurt."

As we broke through the last of the woods we ran onto a pretty deserted street where the huge dog Sirius transforms into was snapping at Wolf-Remus who was far more terrifying than any horror movie or book could ever describe.

I was suddenly aware of just how unprepared for this moment I was and understood why James forbid me from ever taking part of their full moon adventures.

"Sirius be careful," Carla screamed before clapping her hand over her mouth.

That did it.

Wolf Remus now had a new target who was much less threatening and vulnerable then the two animals he was sparring with.

His mouth practically drooled as his razor sharp teeth were bared and he let out a territorial snarl.

Sirius howled frantically and tried to get Wolf-Remus's attention back by snapping at his feet lightly but it was too late.

With brute strength Wolf-Remus kicked Sirius hard in the throat so hard Sirius lay down and didn't get up again.

Carla's screams were loud in my ear as I wondered just where the fuck James was and if he was ok.

"Get your wand up," I said to her, my voice shaking. "We're going to have to stun him."

"But…Sirius…"

"Pull it together," I snapped as we backed away slightly, wands raised. "I need your head in the game now."

_God, please don't let us die like this. _

Just as I made the prayer, Wolf Remus lunged forward, Carla dropped her wand and I found myself jumping in front of her, pushing her out of harms way and then landing hard on my back.

_Is that it? Is it all over?_ I though dumbly just as a heavy form landed on my body and I came face to face with the snarling, vicious face of Remus's alter ego.

_Oh please god, don't let it end like this._


	69. Chapter 69

Hey everyone :D

How have you all been? I'm so sorry it took so long. We had cyclones etc up here which disrupted things for a bit and I just wasn't feeling this chapter. So after about re writing it six times I've given up and just decided to go with it and improve for the next one.

It's super short but hopefully a little bit of something is better than nothing.

As always this story couldn't be written without the amazing support I receive from amazing people.

To; bliethe arte deneverick, Natalie, SecretlyAGryffindor, Jacki Lee, Elizabeth, kaylarene, worldnerd12, OzBabe, daniela2707, blueberrymuffin94, JacquiLee, missyca23, Loona22, RavenclawLupin11, The DA is dressed to the nines, TmoVie, owugirl10, amroberts17, funinthesun55, xheheitssamx, i3fiction.

Thank you so much :D You are all so very wonderful and i'm sending oodles of love your way.

xxx xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

"Oh my god! Look out!"

I jerked my head around to find a couple with eyes widened in horror, staring at Were Remus who was now turning to pounce in their direction.

Using my antlers I butted Remus hard in the back, causing a very canine howl to fill the air followed by an angry snarl.

Before I even had a chance to get my footing secured or brace myself into a defensive position Sirius was there growling and snapping lightly at Remus's neck. Quickly he nodded his head to the couple, ushering me to take care of them.

Frustration gnawed at me briefly. Sometimes it sucked that Sirius always felt like he had to save me. That Lily felt like she always had to save me. One day I was most likely going to be the reason they got themselves killed and I'll be the one that has to live with the guilt.

Shaking the thoughts away I trotted over to the couple; who still didn't have the good sense to run and began gently pushing them out of the way and into the woods.

"That hurts!" the girl whined as I began to frantically push them away.

"Chill out mate, get off her!"

_And having your throat torn out is better?_

The more they fought against me the more tempting leaving them to deal with the snarling werewolf became.

Vaguely as I tried to push the couple away, tried to force them to run I thought I heard Carla's voice.

_Impossible. Carla wouldn't be stupid enough to take on a were- wolf.._

I focused my heightened hearing and my heart sank as I clearly heard Lily snapping at Carla to get a hold of herself.

_No, Carla may not be stupid enough…but Lily is._

Forgetting about the young couple immediately I sprang back into view and came pelting down the street just in time to see Lily push Carla out of Were- Remus's way and then get slammed onto the ground, the snarling were wolf positively drooling over the easy meal in front of him.

_No, no, no. Not like this. NO!_

Just before he could lunge for Lily's throat Sirius came out of no where and actually tackled Remus in a very human way. As strange as it looked, it did it's job; distracting Were Remus from Lily. But in a brief moment of distraction Were Remus thrashed hard and Sirius was thrown high into the air, hitting the ground with a sickening crunch that knocked him unconscious, and forced him back into human form.

There were now three meal tickets before the wolf.

Conflict filled his savage eyes as he tried to work out which prey he should go for first.

I pounced forward, a single minded determination to stop anyone else getting harmed.

Just as I was about to reach him Carla beat me to it, her eyes ablaze with fury and passion. I froze, momentarily shocked into being unable to move. Luckily Carla was completely in control. She raised her wand and with one swift movement knocked Were Remus dead cold.

"Carla?" Lily gasped in shock.

Carla turned to her, her body still poised for fight. "He's going to be fine; he's just unconscious. I didn't kill him."

"No, I just… I didn't know you had so much fight in you."

Carla shrugged and moved over to Sirius who still lay limp, blood oozing from his ears and nose.

"No one is going to die today, not if I can help it. Now, I don't think I can carry both of them and Lily you're bleeding from the back of your head again, so James? Can you please change back to your normal self so I can get a bit of help here?"

Never, in my life had I seen Carla so in charge. So passionate. So… part of the cause.

"Today would be great James."

I bowed my head apologetically and then changed.

"Great, thank you. So, how are we going to do this? Do you want me to help you with Remus and Lily will apparate with Sirius?"

My jaw dropped.

"You would touch Remus? Get near him again… willingly?"

Carla rolled her eyes. "James, did you bump your head too? How hard is it to understand? We need to get everyone out of here as soon as possible. You can marvel at how composed I am later."

Lily hid a smile and winked at me.

"I'll go get Sirius, you two get Remus back to the dungeon and we'll meet back at our place ok?"

Carla raced forward and kissed Lily on the cheek.

"Finally, someone gets it! Fantastic! We'll see you there."

With a final smile at me Lily moved to get a better hold on Sirius as Carla moved me to Remus.

"Ok, how are we going to do this, General?" I asked with a smirk.

Carla poked her tongue at me. "Charming. Well, the dungeon has charms so we can only really apparate him to the entrance and then I guess I'll get his head and you grab his feet and we'll carry him in."

I stared at her. "Carla, when did you become such a bad arse? I am loving this new take charge woman."

Carla grinned. "Who says this is the new me? It's not my fault everyone has been oblivious to how much of a bad arse I am."

I smiled at her fondly. "I always wanted a sister."

Carla smirked. "You're not going to sap out and bear hug me now are you? Not that I'm saying being sensitive is a bad thing but we do have an unconscious were wolf here who is going to be mighty pissed when he wakes up. I don't know about you, but I kinda wanna be gone by then."

"Roger that ma'am. Alright you sure you want head?"

Carla started laughing as I cringed. "That came out wrong."

"Just be grateful Sirius isn't here to kick your arse for that comment."

I grabbed the legs and hauled with all my might. "You think Sirius could kick my arse?"

Carla winked as she apparated us to the entrance, conveniently avoiding the question.

As soon as our feet found ground we dropped were Remus on the ground hard.

"Oops, he's going to really hate us in the morning."

"Probably not as much as he's gonna hate himself," I replied as we took hold of him again.

"Not if we don't tell him."

I looked at her sharply, stopping in my tracks. "You mean lie to him?"

Carla began moving again, deeper and deeper down the dark and dank tunnel we went.

"No. I'm talking about putting his mind at ease. Why do we need to tell him anymore then we need to? Why give him more ammo to add to the self loathing bomb he's stacking up pretty nicely?"

I considered this. A full moon adventure that didn't end in Remus disappearing for three days and trying to distance himself from us. A recovery period that didn't include convincing him we weren't going anywhere. Where he didn't wake screaming from unmentionable nightmares.

"I guess we can try."

As we reached his usual cell we gently placed him on the ground, and he began to stir.

"You guys have always told him what's happened every time?" Carla asked as we quickly moved away and cast protective spells around him.

I shrugged. "We tried lying at first but he just got pissed off when he saw right through it and told us friendship was about honesty, no mater how brutal and we were crippling him by trying to baby him."

"Well this isn't lying; it's omitting truth to help him,"

I nodded. "Yeah, guess I haven't thought about it that way before."

"That's weird," Carla muttered.

"I know, but we're guys ok, give us a…"

"No," Carla said forcefully. "I wasn't talking about that. Do you always lock the door when preparing for the change?"

"Of course we do. We chain him up first, then we lock the door, then place a protective spell around it."

Carla looks up at me, her expression haunted.

"What? What's wrong?"

"There is no lock on the door James and as far as I can tell…he wasn't chained up either."

LILY

Far out Sirius was heavy.

I must have hit my head harder than I thought because as I apparated us back home I ended up right on the front porch and was now placed with the task of dragging Sirius inside.

I wanted so badly just to apparate again, move us to the couch, kitchen floor, shit even the laundry would do but I couldn't. I didn't trust myself to move both of us when I was feeling a bit light headed. Chances are I'd end up splinching us together into some sort of hybrid person and we'd be stuck together for ever.

I shuddered violently at the thought. Nope. Better stick with lugging his heavy arse inside.

I grabbed his legs and pulled with all my might…and moved him only half an inch.

"Damnit! James? Carla? Anyone?"

I slid to the ground and glanced over at Sirius, still unconscious, bruises beginning to form all over his face and flesh that I could see.

I sighed deeply, exhaustion setting in and then rested my head on Sirius' chest. Just for a minute. I only needed a minute of rest, to clear my head and then I was going to get us both inside. I was going to tip cold water all over of his face to wake him up, yell at him for scaring me like that, maybe slap him once then we'd laugh about my melt down.

James would come home with Carla and Remus, we would make sure he was all good and then we could get some rest and move on.

Yep… I'd just rest my eyes for a minute…

Peace.

This is what I feel as I'm enveloped in warmth. It's dark, pitch black but even the darkness is something I find solace in.

No sounds. No screaming. No pain.

Is this heaven?

"What the hell is this?"

Peace is shattered instantly and the world comes rushing back, loud, painful and sharp.

I cram my eyes shut, trying to force myself to believe that I'm back in my peaceful, dark place.

"It's my worst nightmare, coming home to see my best friend and wife sleeping together,"

I hesitantly crack an eyelid open to see James and Carla smirking down at me.

"Just catching a bit of shut eye on the porch?" James asks with a smile.

I open my other eye and look around to get my bearings.

"Oh, I guess I fell asleep for more than a minute," I murmured as I moved myself off Sirius.

James took my hand and helped me to my feet.

"Feeling alright Mrs Potter?"

I nodded and curled my body into his. "Just tired. Where is Remus?"

"We apparated him inside first," Carla replied as she knelt down next to Sirius. "Bit of a shock when you guys weren't inside waiting to welcome us with open arms."

"Sorry, I just go so tired and had to rest for a minute."

Carla waved my apology away. "It's cool. Let's just get everyone inside so we can all get some rest."

"Baby?" Sirius asked faintly.

Carla moved closer and took Sirius's hand. "Right here knuckle head,"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine super star, in fact, you're the one that needed rescuing. At this very moment you're lying on the Potter's porch."

Sirius blinked a couple times and then forced himself through the apparent agony, to sit on his elbows.

"Why am I here again?"

James smirked. "Lily tried to carry you but only got as far as the porch."

Sirius looked up at me, pale, bruised, but smirk still in tact. "Aren't you meant to be super with or something?"

I poked my tongue out at him as Carla and James chuckled.

"Well, as fun as staying in the freezing cold air is, I think I'm going to head indoors now. Come on trouble, let's get you to bed."

Sirius' face lit up. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Easy there Casanova, we still got to check you out," Carla replied as she helped him to his feet and inside the house.

"I'll take my robe off and you can be as thorough as you want."

Carla slapped him lightly causing a yelp of pain to escape his lips. "I'm sorry!"

Sirius took her hand and pulled her towards the spare room. "Now we definitely have to play doctor."

Carla giggled and glanced over at James and I. "You guys are all right aren't you? Come get me if you need any help."

"Not likely," James cringed as the door shut them away from us.

I smiled wearily. "Should we go check on Remus?"

James pressed a kiss to my forehead. "He's passed out in the basement, he hasn't fully changed back yet so it's probably best to just leave him until morning."

"I hate the thought of him being alone down there."

"Me too love, but he would never forgive us if we put ourselves in deliberate harm because we were worried he's lonely."

I sighed deeply. "Bunch of martyrs the lot of you."

James pinched my nose affectionately. "Why don't I run you a bubble bath and you can tell me how idiotic I am then?"

A smile tugged at my lips. "Heart bubbles?"

"Is there any kind better?"

Practically jumping into his arms out of excitement I allowed myself to get carried away, letting James take complete control so all I had to worry about was holding onto him.

It was way too early to be awake. It was way too early for anyone to be awake. I knew that. The lack of noise outside meant the birds knew that too. My beautiful sleeping husband, knew that too and yet, here I was; wide awake with no chance for sleep in the near future.

I glanced over at James and considered waking him, but the peaceful look on his face accompanied by dark circles under his eyes stayed my hand.

With a small groan as I sat up.

No point even staying in bed if I didn't have to. Maybe I'd go make some pancakes for something.

As I tip toed out of our room and headed down the hall I froze when I heard voices.

Carla and Remus.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like every bone in my body was broken and then fixed again,"

I knew I shouldn't be listening, that I should just walk out and let them know my presence but for some reason I was too intrigued to see where the conversation was going to go to do anything other than position myself closer to the wall and shuffle further out of sight.

"I guess being a werewolf does that,"

Remus chuckled, actually chuckled at a remark that most people would say is too callous.

"You're not scared to offend me," he replied bluntly.

"That's not true!"

"You're right, I said it wrong. I mean…you don't tip toe around me like you're terrified I'll snap if you even mention the 'W' word. You put humour in it, make me feel like it's normal, casual. I like it."

"You are normal," Carls told him fervently.

"Carla, I'm a werewolf."

"So? I'm a witch."

Remus laughed. "You're really good for him you know? Sirius. You're actually kind of perfect for him."

Carla's voice held a smile in it. "I don't think it's the fact that I'm perfect for him, more so the fact that we're just as messed up as each other so we mesh perfectly."

"How is he?"

I could hear Carla's shrug. "He's fine."

"Carla, how is he really?"

The intensity in Remus's voice had me creeping closer.

"I already told you. He's fine. Just sleeping, like most normal people."

"I thought we were normal?"

I peeked over briefly to see Carla wink. "We're normal in that sensational way."

Silence crept between the two and I was just about to move out of hiding when Remus's voice perked up.

"I know what happened Carla."

"What are you talking about?" she countered casually.

"Last night, full moon. I know I got out."

"Remus-"

"Don't lie to me. You know better."

Carla sighed. "Who told you?"

"I was there."

I felt my own confusion mirror in Carla's tone. "But you were a were wolf, so you weren't actually there."

"I remember."

I gasped quietly as Carla asked. "You what? But I thought that when you changed you were completely wolf?"

Remus sighed deeply. "At first it's like that. For years I couldn't remember anything but then… then in the transition from wolf back to human I get images. Sometimes they don't make sense, sometimes I don't see anything. Most of the time it's just black, never ending black with only glances of James, Pete and Sirius in animal form. This time? I saw you all."

My heart stopped as Carla drew in a harsh breath.

"W-what?"


	70. Chapter 70

Hey guys,

Just another quick update. Just sort of wanted to start planting the seed of doubt in their minds that helped Sirius make his life altering decision of changing secret keepers.

Again, thank you so much for all the support.

Butterflysparkle1012, owugirl10, adrian' dhampire, musicluva4eva, The DA is dressed to the nines, Ravinclawlupin11, Adorkably Adorkable, TmoVie, Loona22.

Love you all so much, your constant support and advice really, really inspires and helps more than you know.

Lots of cuddles your way

xxx xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

As slowly I became aware of sounds and senses around me; I knew without even having to open my eyes that Lily was not next to me.

There was always an absence I felt without her there, a coldness that burnt itself deeply inside my whole body.

Forcing a steady breath out to curb the panic that always invaded my body every time Lily was away; I opened my eyes to check the time.

6:10 am.

What the hell? What in the world could my wife be doing that's so important to be up before 6:10 am?

Grunting in frustration I threw the covers off me and haltingly moved my way around the room, trying to figure out where I should be looking first, where Lily might have gone and what kind of frame of mind would I find her in.

I didn't have to look far.

I was just walking down the hall that led off to the kitchen when I saw her.

Crouching down low by the corner of the wall, ear pressed to the side, body language tense, posed almost ready to take flight at any moment.

I walked up silently behind her and knelt down low to whisper in her ear.

"What are you doing?"

"Jesus!" she cried out, jumping a foot in the air before covering her mouth in horror at making such a fuss.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you,"

"Well, you did! Who does that? God, make a noise when you move!"

I knelt down and stroked her face softly. "Truly, I am sorry for scaring you, I was just curious as to why you're all perched up in the corner like this."

"Isn't it obvious? She's dropping in on mine and Carla's conversation,"

Lily and I both froze as Remus stood above us.

"No, Remus, you see I was…"

Remus's face lit up in amusement. "You were listening. I sensed you about ten minutes ago when you were walking down the hall, I have to say; you are definitely not the best at being stealth. You might want to work on that."

Lily looked down sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"If you wanted to join the conversation all you had to do was walk in, I have no secrets from anyone anymore."

Lily straightened up and wrapped her arms around Remus. "I am sorry. I just didn't want to risk you shutting down again when you were talking so openly."

Remus gestured behind himself to where Carla was shifting uneasily from side to side.

"Well, it's almost everyone now. Why don't you all come in and we can discuss this together. I may be a Werewolf handi cap Lily, but i'm still human, I still have feelings. I'm not so damaged that I'm unable to have an adult conversation."

Lily rushed forward but I grabbed her arm and pulled her behind me slightly. "That wasn't what she was trying to say."

Remus lowered his head slightly. "Sorry, that was rude."

Carla stepped forward. "What wolf man is trying to say is that he's sick of getting special treatment. Because we all tip toe around him and his emotions he feels like he can't open up to us. So basically, he wants us to stop being so nice and understanding and more callous and rude."

Remus chuckled. "Something like that."

"Well, let's push past this awkward air of tension and get back to the riveting conversation we were just having."

Remus gestured for us all to take a seat as he began to pace around the room nervously.

"So, what do you remember?" Carla began.

Remus sighed and turned his face and body away from us… the very picture of shame.

"Rushing out through the gate and not meeting resistance, snapping at a couple people…fighting against the guys…trying to kill you girls…wanting to kill you all and then…"

"Me knocking you on your arse?" Carla cut in playfully.

Remus stopped pacing and I imagined he was smiling…even if just a little.

Lily raised her hand like we were back in school again.

"Babe, I don't think he can see you with his back turned," I stage whispered.

Remus turned over and his smile widened watching Lily, hand waved high in the air.

"Yes Mrs Potter?"

"I mean, it's awful and kind of amazing that you can remember anything at all, but that's not what my question is about. I was… well, the thing that is bothering me is how did you get out? It's never happened before right?"

As soon as the words came out of her mouth I wanted to smack myself across the head for being so slow and not thinking of it sooner.

How the hell _had_ he gotten out? We always made sure to lock him in securely and double tight.

"I…I don't know," Remus said quietly. "All I know is that when I rammed the door it flew right open."

"Like the lock didn't work?" Lily asked optimistically.

Remus shook his head. "No, like it was never locked."

"Well, who was responsible for locking it this time?" Carla asked.

"Woo! Feel the tension in this room! Why is everyone up so early?"

As everyone's eyes locked on Sirius, I hung my head, unable to even look at him with these unspeakable thoughts running through my head.

"Prongs?"

I kept my head down.

"Prongs? What happened?" Sirius asked, all humour gone from his tone. "No…no one died did they? Prongs? Moony? What's going on?"

"Why don't you take a seat baby?" Carla asked soothingly.

"I don't want to take a seat," Sirius snapped, starting to lose his patience. "I want someone to tell me what is going on and why my best friend won't even look at me!"

"Did you lock the cell last night?" Remus asked quietly.

"What? Did I what?"

I looked up now to see the accusation and hurt already in Remus's eyes and the confusion in Sirius's.

"You were meant to lock the door Sirius, this was your job, your only job!"

Sirius stumbled back. "What…wait a second…so you're not just accusing me, you've pretty much made up your mind haven't you? My best friends, the people I trust the most in the world… you think I forgot to lock the door? You think I did it on purpose?"

"No one's saying you did it on purpose," Lily said quietly.

"But you are saying I did it?" he snapped back.

"Sirius…" I began.

Upon hearing my voice Sirius spun to face me, his eyes glassy and face flushed as he pointed a shaking finger in my direction.

"No! I don't want to hear it from you! Everyone else I can take this from, everyone else looking at me like I'm a liar and a fucking idiot I can deal with…but not you."

Turning around so fast he tripped over his feet slightly, Sirius grabbed his wand off the kitchen bench and headed for the door.

"Babe wait!" Carla called as she scrambled after him. "You shouldn't be up and about yet. Just wait a second ok?"

The door slammed in Carla's face just as she got to the door.

With tears in her eyes she turned to face Remus. "You know how you're sick of people being too considerate about your feelings? About hesitating to tell you anything? Well, Sirius? Sirius sick of people assuming he has no feelings and worse…not caring if he does."

Her words; directed at Remus were like a smack across my face and stab in my heart.

"Carla-" Remus began but Carla ignored him and raced after Sirius.

Remus let himself fall into the couch and covered his face his with hands.

"Well, that went well," Lily muttered.

**LILY**

James stayed frozen to his spot; facial expression grave as he no doubt processed what had just happened.

"Should we go after him too?" I asked.

"And say what?" Remus replied.

"Maybe start with sorry?"

"We weren't looking for a fight Lily, we were just trying to ask him what happened."

For some reason, whether it be his tone or the way he phrased it, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

"But you didn't really ask him, did you?"

James put his hand on my arm. "Lily, this isn't Remus's fault."

"But it's Sirius's? No one asked him, not even myself. We looked at him, and pretty much made it clear that he left that door unlocked and were just waiting for him to admit it."

Neither James nor Remus would look at me.

"This isn't what we do," I say quietly. "We don't accuse each other, we don't fight and we certainly don't single one another out."

"But the door was open," Remus said in a pained voice. "Do you know what that means Lily?"

"Yeah, I do. That whatever happened, it was a mistake."

"No. It means that it was a goddamn miracle nobody was killed. Was it unfair how I treated Sirius? Maybe. But you need to understand that come full moon? There cannot be mistakes. Because mistakes means loss of life; mistakes means one more funeral and I will not be the reason someone else dies ok?"

I sighed and rubbed Remus' arm. "I understand that, actually I probably can't even fathom how hard it is for you but isn't it possible something else happened?"

"What? Were Remus learnt how to unlock doors?" James asked sarcastically.

I glared at James before focusing back on Remus.

"What time does Sirius normally lock him in?"

"About four thirty."

"And then what happens?"

"I don't know, I guess Sirius goes back to Carla and curl up into a ball and wait for waves of agony to take hold of me."

My heart is raw but I press on. "So how long are you left alone for? Maybe three to four hours."

I take a deep breath, trying to make sure I say it right, that I don't cause anymore trouble.

"Well…then isn't it possible that someone else might have unlocked it? Isn't it possible Sirius did exactly as he was supposed to?"

Remus opened and closed his mouth a couple times before finally leave it shut.

"Who would have unlocked it thought?" James asked quietly.

"Who else knows about your hide out that has keys?" I countered.

"Just me, Sirius and Pete,"

Remus and James made eye contact at the same time and almost simultaneously I saw them each make a different conclusion.

"Sirius didn't do it," James said firmly. "I knew he didn't do it."

"Pete is a follower," Remus mused quietly. "He doesn't do anything that will draw negative attention from those protecting him. He wouldn't do this, he wouldn't be capable of even figuring it out."

James stood up and eyed Remus in the eye fiercely. "That is my best friend. That is my brother. I have known him forever and I know he didn't do it. I don't even know what was going through my mind before, temporary lapse in judgement, insanity…whatever. All I know is, I'm going to go and find him, I'm going to apologise and I'm going to make it right."

Remus pursed his lips and said nothing as James got up and quickly got himself dressed.

"Lily, you coming?" James asked as he paused by the door.

I shook my head. "No, I'm good. I was already out past my allotted active time last night, I don't really want to piss the Doc off further."

James cracked a slight smile. "Lily Potter, are you becoming a reformed woman? Finally following doctors orders?"

"Watch it Potter, he gave no such order on beating you up."

James smirked and raised his hands in defeat. "Guess that's my cue to go, see you both later."

As soon as he was gone I turned to Remus.

"Ok, big bad James is gone. Why don't you tell me what's really on your mind?"

"You going to put me on the couch Lily?"

I threw a pillow at his head. "Shut up and start talking."

Remus closed his eyes and tilted his head back. "I just… it's just something that I've been thinking a lot about lately."

"Ok…which is?"

"That something isn't right with our group. How do they keep knowing our next move? How do we keep getting beaten time and time again by some low rate, evil master mind wannabee's?"

"I don't know," I whispered.

"I do and it's becoming increasingly clearer to me that there has to be an insider."

"A what?"

"Someone is playing both sides of the field Lily, someone is betraying us."

I shake my head in disbelief.

What he's suggesting is ludicrous. It's something that you don't say allowed. It's something that could tear the entire group apart. Change the very core of our unit.

But it's something I can't help but feel he isn't completely wrong about.


	71. Chapter 71

I know. I know. It's been way too long. I'm sorry. In all honesty I lacked any creative passion. I wasn't really sure if I should keep going, if it was even worth it but as usual I found my inspiration in those of you that take time out to read my little story.

It's mainly just a fluff chapter but i felt i owed you all at least SOMETHING!

There are of course some special people that deserve a mention; hpcrazie, hpfanatic1132, kittensrsexiiiay, Jacki James Criss Potter , Teehee, Theunnamedpony93, SecretlyAGryffindor, CheyRainAwesomeness, SxPSeptember4ever, Potter's New Girlfriend, Loona22, kiayame-san , owugirl10, hello-goodbye146, The DA is dressed to the nines , missyca23.

Thank you. Really. I know I say it every time but I mean it more each time. You are all my inspiration and so special to me.  
Lots and lots of love  
xxxx

* * *

JAMES

I was burning. My insides molten lava. Steam coming from every orifice in my body. I was burning up in every way possible a sensation I wasn't entirely comfortable with.

_Shame_.

Fuck! Things just kept going from worse to worst didn't they? Hit after hit, blow after blow it was relentless.

They were winning.

The truth I would never admit to anyone aloud. They were winning.

No. They had won.

We were already turning against each other and without each other what did we have?

Nothing.

I stopped pacing in front of Sirius's house and snorted in disgust.

What the hell was I doing?

Hadn't I done this same old pity party end of the world bit a million times before?

Hadn't I taken a vow to protect those that needed protecting, to do my best to fight in this war no matter how hopeless it may seem?

I was acting like a child. I was being weak. I was basically giving the enemy the right to walk all over me.

I took a deep breath and allowed myself two minutes.

Two minutes to wallow in self pity. Two minutes to let the fear of losing everyone I love crush me. Two more minutes of weakness before I was going to start making changes.

Two minutes.

"You going to stand out here all night?"

I froze.

"I still have thirty five seconds to go," I replied softly.

Carla moved in front of me, arms crossed but her face free of hostility.

"I'll pretend I understand what that means."

"I'm just trying to work out a different approach to start making way in this war."

Carla smirked slightly. "Not ruining years of friendship over speculation might help."

I winced. "Yeah…that's my first priority at the moment."

"Hmm yeah I can see you're making huge head way with that. The wall agree your speech was top notch?"

I grinned. "I didn't hear any complaints."

Carla patted my shoulder then stepped back pushing the door wide open.

"I'm going to go and see Lily, maybe I'll end up crashing there…which I guess would mean you'd have no choice but to stay here… damn. Guess Sirius will have no choice but to hear what you have to say. Oh well! Have a good morning."

She sauntered away and I felt an over whelming surge of pride and gratefulness.

"Go inside James," she called just before she apparated.

I didn't hesitate to obey.

I walked in and Sirius was sitting on the couch, waiting for me. Probably anticipating my arrival since the minute he left.

"Hey," I began awkwardly.

"Hello."

Silence stretched between us…probably for the first time ever.

"You're not doing this very well," he told me calmly.

I sighed. "I know,"

"Surprising really, after years of grovelling for Lily I thought you'd have this down pat or perhaps the fact that I don't have boobs works against me?"

Relief swept through my body as I dared to glance over to catch Sirius trying to suppress a smile.

"It definitely doesn't inspire me much," I admitted.

"Would it help if I put Carla's lingerie on?"

I pretended to gag. "Oh no, that's not necessary."

Sirius smirked. "I look amazing in the red number."

I smiled then turned to face him straight on. "I was wrong. What I did or what I didn't say was wrong. I know you better, I know you would never betray me and I'm such a ponce. I am so sorry for making you feel that way, that's not what we do. We're brother's we stick together no matter what and I'm just really sorry."

Sirius looked at me sternly and then burst into a huge smile pulling me in for a hug.

"Mate, I'd already forgiven you before you even arrived. We're good. I wasn't going to let some little bitch out ruin our friendship. I was just caught off guard and didn't know how to react."

"Already forgiven me?" I ask with a slight smile.

"Yup."

"And you didn't think to tell me that?"

Sirius grinned. "You're so cute when you're humble and apologetic,"

I ruffled his hair roughly. "You twat you!"

Sirius slid out of my grasp as he chuckled. "Mate, you won't ever beat me at emotional ninja tricks, I am by far the best…well second best to Carla."

I smiled and slumped onto the couch. "So…what now? Should we go get Moony? Find Pete?"

Sirius's face darkened for a brief second before returning to normal.

"I'm a bit tired mate, it's been one hell of a long night and it's not by choice I'm awake this early. Head back to bed for a bit of rest and recuperation I reckon."

I nod. "Yeah, be good for some sort of boys night that doesn't involve, blood, screaming, tears or pain."

"Don't forget hospital trips,"

"God how could I? I think Dumbledore should just buy us our own damn hospital and be done with it,"

"Or at least some very attractive nurses to boost our health and ego," Sirius added.

I grinned. "They might be the ones needing resuscitation if Carla catches them giving you the once over,"

"Prongs, look at me. Do you think it would ever just be a once over? Come on man, I hate to toot my own horn but I am a beautiful, beautiful man."

I shook my head and threw a pillow at his chest. "Modest."

"Self aware mate, I keep telling you that. You don't need to worry though, I'm just kidding about the nurses, I got Carla and she's really all I ever could need."

"Sirius Black, don't tell me you've gone soft on me!" I exclaimed in mock horror. "Could it be you have actually found 'the one'? Is Carla going to be the girl that tames you forever more?"

Sirius stared at me with no trace of humour on his face. "Absolutely she is."

"Really?" I asked slightly surprised. "As in… marriage and kids… the whole deal?"

"If she'd take me…why not? I spend almost every day with her, sleep next to her at night, dream about her then wake up to repeat the cycle and I relish in that. It doesn't scare me, I don't get bored, she's really everything I could have ever dreamt up. Why wouldn't I want to spend the rest of my life claiming her as mine and mine only?"

I leant over and clasped Sirius on the shoulder. "Best feeling in the world right? Knowing that even though the future may be uncertain, you know that with every fibre in your body that you won't face the unknown alone."

Sirius smiled slightly. "Sounds about right."

A thought struck me and I had to laugh. "You going to go home to mummy dearest and ask for her engagement ring to propose?"

Sirius nearly choked on his laugh. "Oh yeah, that's going to go down well. If she ever did hand over a ring it would be poisoned or have some sort of brain washing component which would train Carla to smother me in my sleep."

"Oh mate, that's not true! Having her smother you in your sleep would be too sweet of your mum to do, it would be more like cutting you up while your conscious."

Sirius laughed. "Mother's huh?"

"Just yours mate."

"True that. Well, I better attempt to get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

I stood and stretched. "I think I'm going to head home, sleep next to my woman. I'll send word through the mirror tomorrow about any plans we'll have."

"Thank god! It's nearly impossible for me to sleep without Carla with me, could you send her home once you get there?"

"Don't you want to come get her yourself?"

Sirius looked at me like I was crazy. "Prongs, rose petals and massage oil don't just arrange themselves."

"I thought you were getting some rest?"

"Mate, have you _seen_ my woman? I'll take being tired if I get to savour time with her."

"Alright, I'll send her back."

"Tell her to hurry," Sirius called as he rushed away.

I smiled to myself and let myself out of the house, shutting the door softly behind me.

The sun was well and truly up by now, shining brightly down upon me, warmth spreading on my body. Unlike Sirius, I loved morning's. I loved how fresh and crisp everything was, the peace, the quiet. I loved that nature was it's most beautiful in the morning, that everything started with light and warmth.

I felt bittersweet as I recalled all the times I spent with my dad learning how to fly in the morning or building the tree house.

"Prongs! I haven't got all day! Get a bloody move on!"

"Keep your knickers on!" I yelled back to Sirius before taking one last look around me and then apparating.

LILY

"I give it six months, max."

I rolled my eyes at Carla. "You're being ridiculous."

"You're right, it's probably more like four months max before you and James start preparing for another little Potter."

"Carla, why the hell would we want to bring a child into a world like this? Not exactly the safest environment."

"Lily, that's exactly why! Who knows how much time any of us have left? Live for the moment because this moment is your life."

"It's way too early for your little sermons on life and love,"

Carla sighed impatiently. "It's not a sermon, it's a prediction. One that's pretty likely mind you!"

"Well what about you and Sirius?" I demanded. "When are you going to have kids?"

Carla raised her hands defensively. "Hey now, I need a ring on my finger first!"

I raised my eyebrow which only made Carla more defensive.

"I can be traditional you know! I want marriage before kids come along."

"And when do you think that will be?"

Carla sighed. "Who knows with Sirius."

I sat up straight. "Do you mean to tell me that you _want_ to get married?"

"Why is that so hard to believe? I love Sirius, I don't want a future without him in it, wouldn't that naturally lead to marriage?"

"Yeah…of course it's just… I didn't think either of you were the type."

Carla looked a little hurt. "You're not the only one that gets the everlasting love you know."

Shit. "I didn't mean it like that," I said quickly, trying to recover my last comment.

"I just meant that you just seemed the type where marriage wasn't important, not that you don't want a companion for the rest of your life."

Carla smiled. "Careful, or I won't invite you to our wedding."

"Like you could stop me! I'd be there invite or not."

Carla shuffled closer so we were lying side by side. "Let's just hope for both our sakes he decides to ask before I'm too old to walk down the isle by myself."

"He'll ask," I said confidently. "Anyone can see how crazy he is about you."

"And why wouldn't he be? Speaking of crazy, I haven't heard from Alice in awhile, how about you?"

"Last I heard they were finishing a recon assignment from Dumbledore then taking some time off," I replied.

Carla bit her lip as she processed her thoughts. "But don't you think it's weird that we haven't heard from her? She normally checks in."

"I'm sure we'd know if something was wrong,"

"Yeah, but even if there's nothing wrong, something isn't right."

I shrugged, trying to remain optimistic. "Probably all loved up or something, you know she wants to start having kids, they're probably rolling around trying to make that happen."

Carla grimaced. "Thanks for those nightmares, I'll be dreaming about that all week now!"

I chuckled. "I'm sure Sirius will distract you somehow,"

Carla looked over at the clock. "Speaking of Sirius, I'm assuming he and James have worked everything out now…"

I grinned. "Are you ditching me?"

"No! I'm just… well… I'm tired you see and I sleep better if I have him next to me, makes me feel safe."

I thought of all the nights I awoke screaming from nightmares and James' strong arms were the only thing anchoring me to the present, keeping the images of the dead and dying away.

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean."

"So you're not mad?"

"Not mad. I'm a bit tired now anyway, all this drama is exhausting."

"I'll send James back," Carla said eagerly, the anticipation of Sirius making her bouncy.

"If you can pry his hands off your boyfriend," I joked.

Carla rolled her eyes. "God I'd hope so, might be awkward me trying to seduce Sirius with James in the room."

"Argh," I groaned. "Thanks for _those_ nightmares."

Carla pecked me on the cheek then winked. "You're welcome. Have a good rest of your morning, I'll talk to you later. Love you bye!"

A _pop_ later and she was gone, leaving me feeling a little colder and emptier.

I sighed and curled up into a ball in the bed, pushing away all the thoughts fighting for my attention and all the doubts festering away.

_Pop_

"What's the matter?" I asked with a smile. "James and Sirius lock you out?"

"James is right here,"

I spun around to find James lounging against the door frame, a lazy smile on his face.

"James!"

"Hey beautiful,"

My face lit up and I found myself feeling at peace again. "What are you doing back?"

"Sirius wanted some alone time with Carla, is she around?"

"They must share the same brain, she just left for the same reason."

James eyes sparked with passion. "And Moony?"

"Gone to find Pete,"

With unbelievable speed he tackled me on the bed, pinning me underneath him.

"So…we're all alone then?"

I giggled. "That would be correct."

"I have so many naughty thoughts running through my head right now I don't know how to separate them to be able to act on one,"

I pushed my hips up, grinding against him slowly. "Does that help?"

James bit his lip and closed his eyes.

"Not exactly."

"Do you need me to show you what _I _want to do?" I whispered into his ear.

At a loss for words James simply nodded.

Wrapping my legs around his waist I rolled so I was now on top of him and began to kiss his neck, sucking harder in places as he gasped in surprise.

"Should I stop?" I whispered teasingly.

"Fuck. No." he replied firmly, his hands toying with the bottom of my shirt.

Deciding to help him out I quickly discarded my top, followed quickly by my bra.

"Oh wow," he sighed as he ran his hands down my hips.

Filled with pride and confidence I pulled his shirt up and began to slowly kiss down his chest until I reached his pant line.

"Just rip them off," he grunted as he tried to manoeuvre his way out of his pants.

I giggled at his urgency and sat back for a bit watching him struggle desperately.

"Blast them off, I don't care," he grunted. "Just keep my little fella safe ok?"

I rolled my eyes. "You don't need a wand, just practice."

Expertly, I removed his pants in no time so he was just lying there in his underwear.

"You can take them off too," he said with a wink.

"I'm aware that I _can_ I'm just deciding if I want to," I replied coyly.

"I'll do anything," he begged. "Just please, please, _want_ to."

I laughed. "Alright, I guess I can indulge you."

I bent down taking the top of his waist band in my teeth and slowly beginning to pull his underwear down inch by inch.

Heat over came my body, and suddenly the jeans I was wearing was too much clothes, too much of a barrier between me and James.

Leaving his underwear hanging down his thighs I stood quickly to rip my pants off and then lie my almost naked body on top of James'.

"My god, you're so perfect," he whispered in awe.

I blushed slightly, hiding behind my hair as it fell like a veil across my face.

"Don't do that," he said softly as he placed my hair behind my ears. "Don't ever hide away. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever had the fortune of laying my eyes on, don't hide away from it."

"I love you," I managed to croak before letting my lips crush against his and my body melt into his body so we were one being.

Earth shattering. That's how it felt as I climaxed again and again… and again.

My whole body shook as I lay, panting while James stroked my hair with jittery fingers.

"You're amazing," he told me fervently. "Every time it's like my first time. Every time more sensational than the last."

I turned around and curled my body around his, kissing his neck tenderly.

"Sometimes I don't think my body can hold all the love I have for you."

James sighed, his breathing becoming slower and deeper.

"I don't see how life can get any better than these moments with you,"

I smiled and closed my eyes, letting my breathing fall into the same rhythm as James'.

Drifting into dreams of laughter, warmth and love.

_How could life get any better indeed._


	72. Chapter 72

Hey precious ones :)  
Here is a quick update for you all. I'm trying really hard to write more frequently for you so I hope you like it.  
To answer a few frequent questions; I would LOVE to keep everything happy all the time every chapter but unfortunately we're heading towards the end of the story now and well... we all know it isn't a happy ending.  
That being said your wish is being granted in that this chapter is a light, fluffy one.

As always there are some very special people worth mentioning; Vccle10, Cattlelovespotter, harrrypcrazai, Jacki James Criss Potter , RavenclawLupin11, owugirl10, The DA is dressed to the nines, CheyRainAwesomeness, Dom-Loves-Kel , Loona22.

Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU! If I ever got anything published you would all be getting a mention because honestly, I couldn't do it without you.  
You're the best,  
xxx xxx xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

"Do you know why we're here?" Sirius whispered to me.

"Beats me," I whispered back. "Maybe celebrating that Lily had her last check up and was cleared?"

"Or maybe he's going to tell us that we're all permanently being put off the roster since it took Lily two months to properly recover and he's worried it's too much stress for us?"

"Lily would never go for that,"

"_Lily_ is sitting right here!"

I turned to Lily sheepishly as she crossed her arms, clearly un impressed.

"Sorry honey, we're just trying to figure out what we're doing here."

Lily kicked her foot out impatiently. "I would love to know that too. I mean, why would Dumbledore summon us all to his office for 'important business' with no other information? How vague can you be? And why have we been waiting like twenty minutes for him to arrive? What is going on!"

Sirius chuckled and patted Lily's shoulder. "Wow. Are you a bit nervous there Lily?"

Lily flushed slightly. "I just don't like being here. In the Head master's office. I feel like I'm going to get expelled for something. Puts me on edge."

I laughed. "You need to relax. We've been here hundred's of times. It's not so bad. Haven't you ever had a detention?"

"No."

My jaw dropped slightly. "Never?"

"I didn't actively try to break the rules unlike you, my love."

I grinned. "That's why you love me right?"

Lily rolled her eyes and clasped Alice's shaking hand.

"I'm guessing you've never been in trouble either?" Sirius asked Alice.

"I lost five points once for getting caught kissing Frank at Halloween."

"You hear that James?" Sirius smirked. "We should have recruited Miss Bad Arse here,"

Alice stuck her tongue out and continued squeezing Lily's hand until it started to turn blue.

"It is kind of weird that he asked us to meet him here of all places don't you think?" Frank asked quietly.

"Longbottom, Dumbledore is barking mad, like, certifiably crazy but bloody brilliant so he can do anything he wants."

"Thank you for that colourful introduction Sirius,"

We all jumped as Dumbledore swept into the room with his usual elegance.

"No problem Sir, if you ever need me to do intro's when you're going to the Ministry or anything I can make myself available," Sirius replied with his usual charm.

"Generous offer Mr Black, I will most certainly take it under advisement. Now, I am sure you're all wondering why I have called you here."

We all murmured in agreement.

"I'm afraid this is of the utmost importance. What I am about to assign you today is something I have yet to ask of you, yet it is something that should have been done awhile ago to help us in this war."

"Name it Sir," Sirius said firmly. "Whatever it is you need us to do, we'll do it."

"Great enthusiasm Sirius, I appreciate that."

"So, what is it Sir?" Remus asked quietly. "Scouting mission? Behind enemy lines?"

"Even more important," Dumbledore replied gravely. "This weekend… I need you to have fun."

"Sorry what?" Lily blurted out before clasping her hand over her mouth.

"Fun Mrs Potter. I require all of you to actually enjoy yourselves! After all, how are we meant to make any progress when it's all doom and gloom around here?"

I glanced around to check everyone's reactions… which were all standard forms of confusion and excitement.

All except for Lily who was barely concealing her rage.

"Mrs Potter? Do you have a question?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

Lily bit her lip, no doubt fighting back her first hostile response.

Finally sighing she began in a very controlled tone. "I don't mean any disrespect Professor it's just… well what do you mean by fun?"

"The act of enjoyment Mrs Potter of course, taking a break from the war so to speak."

Lily pursed her lips and tried again. "I'll rephrase… what I meant to say was… I just. Ok, I have to be honest here, if your idea of fun is us just having free time and me being stuck in that goddamn house for yet another month I think I'm going to start my own rebellion just for something to do."

Dumbledore smiled indulgently. "My dear girl no, of course not! It is not my intention to trap you, I want to _free_ you. Take you back to a happier time you once all lived in."

Remus raised his hand tentatively.

"Remus there is no need to raise your hand, although I do appreciate the courtesy. What can I help you with?"

"Sir I think we're all just a bit confused. What exactly are you proposing? I mean how are we meant to have fun without being confined?"

"He has a point," Sirius said grudgingly. "I mean, we're pretty much on the bad guys most wanted list and are practically hunted to extinction where ever we set foot. Makes it a bit hard to incorporate good times."

Dumbledore smiled warmly. "Which is why I have decided you will spend a week here."

"Here?" Carla asked incredulously. "As in…?"

"Hogwarts of course. Clearly the safest spot for you all and the very origin of your friendship and childhood memories."

"That is…_awesome_," I breathed as I reached out to high five Sirius.

"Thank you Mr Potter, there is however, as you say… a catch involved."

"You want me to teach sex ed?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"Not quite Mr Black. I was hoping you all would however, consider partaking in some volunteer instructor work?"

"You think being teacher's is going to be fun?" I asked doubtfully.

"It will only be for a couple lessons a day Mr Potter and I thought the chance to teach the younger generation to be as rambunctious as you were would be a thrill for you," Dumbledore said with a wink.

"Well, what would we have to do?" Alice asked quietly.

"We are attempting another weekend retreat for the students. Teaching them necessary fighting and survival skills. I thought you would all be the best instructors on that matter."

"What exactly are we teaching though?" I asked.

"You would all of course specialise in different things. I thought the Longbottoms could take groups to point out the poisonous and non poisonous plants in the woods and also how to create your own poisons."

Frank and Alice beamed, nodding in agreement.

"Remus you will be their instructor on magical creatures and first aid. Sirius, you will be in charge of tactical pursuit, Carla, setting a proper and secure campsite. Lily, defensive spells and enchantments and of course James, you will be in charge of defensive flying lessons."

"Can I throw in a few sex Ed questions and tips too sir?"

Dumbledore shook his head with a huge smile. "I don't see how that benefits them in a life or death situation."

"Well, if you know you're going to die sir, don't you want to go out with a bang?"

Dumbledore chuckled. "We'll talk about that request later. What do you all think about the proposition? The retreat begins tomorrow and will endure for three days, the rest of your time you may spend how you wish."

I looked around at the excited faces around me. There was no fear in the air. No impending doom. Just healthy nerves, joy and excitement.

I took Lily's hand and rubbed it gently, grinning when she returned the caresses.

"Thank you," I said to Dumbledore as I looked him in the eyes. "This is just what we need."

"It is my pleasure Mr Potter, thank you all for accepting."

"Oh sir?" Carla asked as she stood. "Just two questions. One. Where are we all sleeping? And Two. Do we have to teach all these defensive manoeuvres to the Slytherin's?"

"You will have you own suite over in the guests wing and yes, we cannot discriminate against anyone here. We must show a united front."

I sighed in disappointment. Teaching our enemies children how to take us down. Fantastic.

"Fine. But if you think I'm giving them any extra tips on how to score a babe like I have, how to be a sex god or just the very definition of awesome, you are sorely mistaken!"

Sirius told Dumbledore in mock indignation.

Dumbledore waved us out with his usual calm and kind smile.

"I'll see you by Hagrid's hut tomorrow morning at ten a.m sharp. Get some rest…you may need it."

We all filed out, chattering in excitement.

"I always thought I'd be a teacher," Alice squeaked. "You know… before the end of the world came."

"You would have been great," Frank told her proudly.

"I can't believe Dumbledore is trusting us with our future generation," Lily whispered in awe.

"I can't believe he's trusting Sirius!" I replied.

"Hey!" Sirius cried. "I will give them valuable knowledge. They will be blessing their little cotton socks that they even got to be in my presence."

"I hope modesty wasn't on your list of things to teach mate,"

"Prongs, you're simply jealous that I'm going to be the favourite,"

I clasped him on the shoulder. "Maybe with the girls Padfoot, but that will have nothing to do with what you're teaching them."

"In that case I'll be watching you," Carla told him teasingly. "There better not be a scandal with a teacher having an affair with a student."

"Babe, do I look that stupid? If I wanted to die I would just hand myself over to Voldy wort."

Carla put her hands on her hips. "I would have also accepted ' babe I love you so much I would never betray you like that,"

Sirius pinched her cheek. "See? You already knew that's what I was thinking anyway, so whats the point saying it?"

I flinched for Sirius just before Carla's hand made contact with his cheek just before she grabbed Lily and stalked off.

"What?" he asked puzzled. "What did I say?"

I shook my head and put an arm around him. "Oh mate, those kids have no idea what they're in for."

I began to walk off as Sirius remained behind calling out. "Awesomeness. They are in for a world or awesome!"

I chuckled softly and raced ahead, grabbing Lily and throwing her over my shoulder.

"Woo! I'm going to ravish you in the common room, it will be just like old times,"

Lily giggled and began pounding on my back. "Let me down Potter! I'll curse you! Let me down!"

Remus cracked a genuine smile for the first time in weeks.

"I guess we really are home,"

LILY

As I hung over James shoulder, playfully smacking him as he ran I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. This was happiness. This was fun.

I sighed and enhaled all of Hogwarts scents as well as James.

If possible my smile got broader.

This is exactly how life was meant to be. This is the life we would have had.

"Almost there my lady, fear not for you valiant steed will ensure you arrive safely."

"Unhand me you bafoon!"

James slapped my butt in reply and I smothered my giggle.

No, this was the life we were going to have after the war. This is exactly what we're fighting for.

"You're lucky," Carla said to me casually as she jogged next to James.

"How so?" I asked.

"You won't ever have to worry about walking anywhere if you never want to. I'm sure James would be happy to carry you around for the rest of your lives if it meant you were happy,"

"Damn right I would," James huffed.

"Babe! I'd carry you! I'll carry you right now!" Sirius called as he sprinted closer,

"Don't strain yourself," Carla replied coolly.

"Don't be like that babe! I would grow wings and fly you to the moon, I'll make a pouch you can sit in and sling you over my back, I'll fucking cut one of my arms off if it made you happy!"

We all slowed to a walk and watched for Carla's reaction.

"Would the pouch be pink?"

Sirius face broke out in relief. "Any colour you want baby, anything for you."

"Urgh," James moaned. "Is this how you feel when you watch me and Lily together? Like you want to stab your eyes out and block your ears?"

"Worse," Carla and Sirius said at the same time.

"I am so sorry," James said gravely before starting to smirk. "But it's good you're used to it since it's never going to change. Onward and out."

I waved to everyone as James sprinted off again, sliding around corridors and jumping down steps with ease until finally he came crashing to a halt and we both ended up slumped on the floor.

"What the hell?" I snapped as I rubbed my ankle. "Watch the precious cargo."

"So sorry Lils I was just trying…"

"To avoid knocking me over? How gallant of you."

I froze at the familiar voice.

"Sorry Professor McGonagall," James said quietly. "I was just seeing if I remembered the place is all,"

"I see your stance on the school rules hasn't changed," she replied curtly.

James grinned as he helped me up. "I am nothing if not consistent and besides Professor, it doesn't exactly say you can't run in the halls just that it's advised to walk. I took it under advisement and decided not to,"

Trying as she might Professor McGonagall couldn't wipe the smile completely off her face.

"Charming as ever I see. Mrs Potter, nice to see you again too."

"You too Professor, sorry about nearly knocking you over."

"Oh it's quite alright, good to see you are excited about this challenge we have presented you. Let's just hope this trip goes a lot smoother than your last school camping trip."

"Actually I thought it was a success. No one died did they?"

"Ah, Mr Black, same as always I see,"

Sirius winked. "You look great too Professor,"

"Delightful. Well I'm off for a meeting with Dumbledore so I'll leave you all to it. Lovely to see you all and have you back with us. The guest suites are the corridor before the Astronomy tower, there is a black tile amongst the other grey ones. Tickle the middle and a trap door will open. Enjoy your night."

With a terse nod she was off and we were all alone again.

"Nice to see a year and a half has really loosened her up," Sirius quipped.

"Don't you think it's weird Dumbledore didn't tell us where the guest suits are?" Frank asked quietly.

"Frank my boy, you have _us_," Sirius replied as he clasped him on the shoulder.

"We know every inch of this school," I explained. "Dumbledore knows that."

"Every inch?" Alice asked in disbelief.

"Every inch worth knowing," Sirius replied. "Now, I don't know about you but I'm a bit peckish. Shall we get ourselves some dinner?"

"We missed dinner though," Alice argued. "Dumbledore requested we arrive after dinner remember? So that we'd miss all the students since it's bed time after dinner I guess."

Sirius tweaked her nose affectionately. "Oh Alice, you are so sweet. Don't worry your pretty little head. You follow James to the guest suites and Carla, Remus and I will bring the food."

"Just don't get caught," I said before I could stop myself.

Sirius grinned wickedly. "I'll work super hard to avoid detention I promise."

I rolled my eyes and tugged James along before I could be teased any further.

"Hurry up then I'm starving too."

"Yes ma'am," with a salute he hurried off as the rest of us headed to our suite.

"So you've actually been to the guest suites before?" Frank asked James.

James smirked. "Let's just say Sirius was a very busy boy back in his day and I was an excellent look out."

I smacked him. "And did you partake in welcoming the guests?"

"Evans, I was far too busy concocting plans to get you to like me."

"Evans?" I asked.

James shrugged. "Sorry, it's a force of habit being back here,"

"No, I kind of like it. Makes me feel like we truly are back and not apart of a war."

"Evans it is! Wait… you're not going to revert back to hating me again right?" James asked in concern as we neared the entrance to the suites.

I smiled wickedly and headed down the tunnel.

"Lily I'm being serious here. We still get to kiss right…right?"

Smiling smugly to myself I didn't answer, just continued down the corridor calmly until fast approaching steps caused me to begin to run as fast as I could so James couldn't catch me.

I laughed freely as I tried to run and navigate myself into the actual suites however, James had the advantage in knowing exactly where we were going and it wasn't long before I was slung over his shoulder again.

"You're on my turf now Evans, there is no where in the castle that I can't find you,"

James carried me into a large common room with a fire already going and silver and gold interior.

"I definitely invite you to try though," he leant in and then whispered into my neck. "I will chase you to the ends of the earth my love, as long as I get to keep you in the end."

I shuddered and turned to kiss him.

Alice cleared her throat behind us, breaking James and I apart.

"Sorry," I said blushing.

"Why don't we go check out the bedrooms?" Frank suggested giving us a wink.

My blush deepened and I just nodded.

Now that I had a proper chance to look around the whole guest wing was beautiful.

I shimmering chandelier was above us, white and gold chairs were arranged around the fire place and then in a small area with book shelves.

The stairs were glass that shimmered as you stepped on them.

"Man, I thought our dorm was amazing," Frank whispered as we reached the first set of rooms.

Inside was a king size four poster bed with white hangings drawn, beautiful paintings of mermaids and sea creatures on the wall, another fire place with a comfortable looking love seat in front of it.

"I call this room," Alice cried out before diving into the bed.

Frank grinned at us. "Guess this is my stop too then,"

"And our cue to leave," James added taking my hand and leading me up the another room.

Fashioned almost exactly the same way except for the fact there were two doubled beds instead of the one king.

We continued on and found three more rooms replicated from the first two until finally we reached the top with the last room which was breath taking.

Crystal everywhere, shimmering tapestries, a roaring fireplace, massive bed with an assortment of pillows but best of all… a balcony with the clearest view of the whole castle and a clear, beautiful night sky.

"Wow," I sighed. "We must have gone underneath the astronomy tower and come back up the other side of it."

"You want this room then?" James asked as he rubbed my back.

I leant back into his warm body, relishing is his closeness. "Is that ok?"

"Honey, we could be in the dungeon and as long as I had you I'd be happy."

I turned and gave him a lingering kiss on the lips. "Why are you so good to me?"

James pecked my nose delicately. "You stole my breath the moment I first saw you and then soon after you stole my heart. How could I not treat you like the amazing person you are?"

"Because I was so awful to you."

James led me to the couch. I curled myself around him and watched as the light from the fire illuminated his bright, loving eyes.

"Good thing we have the rest of our lives for you to make it up to me."

We sat in silence, embracing each other tightly, lost in our own thoughts yet connected all the same.

"I love you James Potter" I whispered softly.

"You are my world," he replied simply.

"Do you ever wonder how different life could have been?" I whisper so quietly I'm not even sure he hears me.

"I try not to make a habit of it," he replied just as quietly. "It would only cause more harm than good. Besides, I wake up every morning and I can hold your warm body next to mine. I don't care about any other circumstances that could have happened, I only care that I always have you next to me."

"No matter how hard it gets?"

"No matter what."

I sigh and enjoy this moment. This second in time where all I feel is warmth and love. I work hard to savour every smell, every sensation, every single detail of this moment.

When the reprieve from this war is over it is this moment, right here, right now that I will hold onto to keep me going.

It is the knowledge that they can take everything away from me, they can even take my life but they will never, ever take away how I feel about James, how he feels about me or how powerful love is.

"Can everyone stop having sex? I brought food!"

James groans and pulls me tighter briefly. "I guess the moment is over then?"

I lean up and kiss him tenderly. "There will be plenty more. Come on, you know if we don't go down he'll just come bounding up here."

James grudgingly moved off the couch, but bringing me up with him.

"Did you hear me? I have food! Don't make me force you down here," Sirius yelled up again.

"See?" I said. "He's right, he is nothing if not consistent."

"Consistently annoying," James grumbled, taking me hand as we headed back to the common room area.

"I suppose we better enjoy tonight while we can," I stated. "God only knows what they'll be throwing at us tomorrow,"

"There is nothing that you can't accomplish or over come," James replied with confidence.

And in that moment.

I truly believed it.


	73. Chapter 73

Hey precious ones :)

Update again for you. Still nothing too exciting but i'm happy to say it's longer than usual for you. So hopefully this can tide you over for awhile until i get my next burst of inspiration.

To my amazing reviewers; lynnnnyl, TimeTraveler15, Jacki James Criss Potter, Potter's New Girlfriend, CheyRainAwesomeness, Loona22, owugirl10, The DA is dressed to the nines, Ravenclawlupin11.

words aren't enough for how great you are. Thank you for sticking with me.  
You are the most amazing people ever  
xxx

* * *

JAMES

Lily slept peacefully, curled in a ball the sheets tangled around her, matching her wild hair.

It was creepy to watch someone sleep; I knew that, I'd been _told_ that by Lily herself numerous times it was just…

I loved these moments were there were no worry lines marking her face. Where she seemed at ease, peaceful…happy.

Was it really wrong to relish in the moments where Lily looked normal and unharmed? Where I could almost pretend we were a young married couple with our biggest worry how to pay the mortgage or how often we were having sex.

"Prongs!"

I winced, closing my eyes and praying Sirius's shrill voice didn't alarm Lily into lashing out.

Nothing came.

I chanced opening my eyes to see Lily hadn't moved.

Before Sirius could bellow again I pulled our mirror from my pocket and began rubbing it.

"Prongs!"

"Shh!" I hissed as I moved away from the bed. "Lily is still sleeping!"

"Sleeping?" Sirius replied in a quieter tone. "She's going to miss breakfast! We're going to eat together for the first time in…forever!"

"I just don't want to wake her, she's so relaxed when she sleeps and she _hates_ being woken up."

"Grow a pair Prongs! Be a man and wake your woman up."

I opened my mouth to argue but he cut me off.

"You know if you are the reason she misses breakfast she will possibly let the students use you for curse practice then finish you off herself."

An all too vivid image flashed in my mind, the realistic nature of it making me shudder.

"Prongs?"

"Alright!" I snapped. "Alright, I'll wake her up now. She'll want to shower first so what time are we all meant to be meeting again?"

"In an hour."

"An hour? Why do I have to wake her up now then?" I demanded.

Sirius sighed. "Oh mate, I thought you were zoned in with the world of women?"

I gave him a blank look.

"Alright, take it from me. Girls, women…whatever. They like to be up early enough that they can prepare themselves for showering, make up, changing outfits twice and then still being early to breakfast."

"And what if Lily only takes twenty minutes to get ready?"

Sirius gave me a patronising look. "Then obviously she turns her attention to you and nagging you. They love that too. Honestly Prongs, it's like you know nothing!"

Giving Sirius the finger I cut off our conversation and turned around to find Lily sitting in bed looking at me expectantly.

"Oh! Good morning beautiful. I'm sorry did I wake you?"

Lily shrugged. "I've been awake for awhile."

"How long is awhile?" I asked, hoping she hadn't heard all of Sirius' crazy rant.

"Let's put it this way, haven't we already spoken about your creepy habit?"

I blushed slightly. Damn. She's been awake this whole time.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Lily stretched out, her chest rising as she extended her body.

"I was waiting to see how long it would take you to work up the guts to wake me."

I grinned and tackled her on the bed. "A test? I thought we'd gotten past that!"

Lily blew air onto my face so I was forced to let her go and scratch where she'd just caused itchiness.

"Well, we are meant to be teachers aren't we? I was just practicing."

Before I could lunge on her again Lily swiftly jumped off the bed and padded across the room with her usual grace.

"I'll be ready in about twenty which leaves me plenty of time to nag you; I wouldn't want to let Sirius' theory down."

I cursed softly to myself. Sirius and his big mouth.

Resigning myself to my fate I decided not to wallow too much and headed down to our common room where all the boys were waiting.

"Where are the girls?" I asked as I sat on a small couch next to Remus.

"We still have forty five minutes before we're due for breakfast so they're getting ready, obviously," Frank replied, not even bothering to look up over the paper he was reading.

I looked over at Sirius who was so smug I swear his head had grown a couple sizes.

"Prongs hadn't realised the girl's morning rule," Sirius told the guys in a stage whisper, like I wasn't even there.

I opened my mouth to snap a funny retort but Sirius just winked and rushed back up the stairs. No doubt to help Carla along with the showering process.

"Did you know about the girl routine?" I asked Remus.

"I'd forgotten too," he said softly. "It feels like forever since I've had anyone to wake up or wait for."

His brutally honest comment catches me off guard and I'm at a loss of what to say and my brain isn't giving me any options in the appropriate actions either.

"Remus…Moony…I…"

Remus immediately shuts himself off, closing up the wall he'd temporarily let down for me.

"I'm going to go for a walk in the grounds before breakfast. I'll see you there,"

I latched onto his arm before he could bolt. "Moony. Listen, it's not going to last forever."

"Life?" he asks sarcastically.

"Hurting," I replied firmly. "You're going to get your happy ending mate. Just keep holding out ok? And…and you know I'm always there right?"

"I'll see you at breakfast," he mumbles, his cheeks red.

I let go of his arm and allow him to stride out briskly.

I sigh deeply.

What a mess.

God I really hoped Dumbledore was right about this little excursion back to Hogwarts and memory lane. If anyone could use a reminder that there was still hope, if anyone needed a vacation from misery it was Remus.

"He carries so much pain; sometimes I wonder how he can stand it,"

I jump and cry out a little bit. Fuck. I'd forgotten Frank was still sitting there.

"Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you… or eaves drop."

"It's ok," I reply. "I just get lost in my thoughts sometimes."

"It's not just from the Violet thing is it?" Frank asked, putting the paper down.

I hesitate. How can I even really answer that properly? I don't even know the extent of Remus's pain.

"Moony has… he has been dealt a really shitty hand in life and he is pretty awful at sharing. It's almost impossible to get him to ask for help so most of the time we wouldn't even knows if he did have a serious problem."

Frank nods. "It always rains hardest on those who shine the brightest,"

I stare at Frank.

"Sorry, that's what my mother always tells me. I guess it's her way to justify the war."

"No, I like that," I murmured. "I think that describes him perfectly,"

"We're ready!" Carla called as she jumped down the last three steps and spun around.

"You're early," I replied.

"James, girls are never early or late, everyone else is simply late or too early," she tells me in a condescending tone.

I throw my hands up in defeat. I am definitely not on my A-game today with understanding women.

"Good morning," Lily says as she gets on her tip toes to peck me on the lips.

"You look beautiful," I tell her, which she does.

Dressed in Hogwarts robes, her hair knotted on top of her head, it's like a time warp back into a couple years ago.

"You look worn out. Learning too much too early in the morning?" she teases.

I take her hand in mine, leading her out of our suite. "I think when it comes to your delightful gender I will never be able to learn enough,"

She cups my jaw in her hand. "That's a good boy,"

I roll my eyes. "Can you try to leave the pooch comments for when we're at home?"

Lily winks. "It's not fun unless other people can see it,"

"How whipped I am?"

"Exactly."

I throw her over my shoulder as she squeals.

"Potter! What are you doing? Put me down!"

"Whatever for dear?"

"Can't you keep your caveman antics for home?"

I smirk. "It's not fun unless everyone can see,"

Lily chuckles. "Ok smart arse; we'll call it a draw then?"

"Does this mean I'm half right?"

"Also half wrong," she chirps.

"I'll just hold onto the half right bit," I say as I gently slide her to the ground.

"You're an idiot," she tells me seriously before a smile creeps onto her face and she pecks me on the neck swiftly. "But you're my idiot."

"Forever and always my love," I say holding her hand to my chest then kissing it.

"Can we cut this sappy shit for one goddamn day?" Sirius whines from behind us. "We're about to eat, I'd like to keep my breakfast down."

"I make no promises," Lily tells him with a winning smile as she links her arm with Carla and Alice and they skip away.

"Look at that," Sirius sighs. "Our women."

Frank clasps him on the shoulder. "Feels like we're home doesn't it?"

A group of girls pass us and giggle as they eye Sirius off.

Sirius grins broadly. "It certainly does. Let's go eat."

It's immediately déjà vu as we step into the great hall. Students are everywhere, the hall buzzing with laughter and chatter. The long house tables are exactly in the same place, the teachers table ahead over looking them all.

"Oh look," Frank says excitedly. "We have our own space on the teacher's table!"

"Moving our way up in the world," I say as a sense of pride fills me the moment I walk past the Gryffindor table.

Eyes follow us as we move to the top table, almost all of the Slytherin giving us dark glares and more than a few girls from the other houses eyeing us off with appreciation the giggling behind their hands to their friends.

"Do you feel powerful?" Sirius asks as one girl actually stumbles when she looks at him. "I feel really powerful."

"Probably won't be feeling so powerful in a minute," Frank tells him.

"How come? Can't you see we're like Gods amongst men to these people?"

Frank nods to the top table where the girls are already waiting with Remus.

More specifically Carla who has her arms crossed, her eyes trained solely on Sirius.

"Remember our talk on not getting yourself killed in a crime of passion on the first day?" I whispered.

"I haven't even done anything yet!" Sirius complains.

"Yet being the key word," Frank says with a chuckle as he jogs the last few steps to sit and pull Alice on to his lap.

"She's not really mad at me is she?" he whispers to me.

Before I can reply a girl walks up and tucks a note into Sirius's hand, tracing her hand across his chest as she walks away.

"I think it might be wise to keep a protection spell around you at all times," I murmur just as we reach the table.

"I guess nothing really changes does it," Carla tells Sirius stiffly.

Sirius rests his head on the table and covers his ears, above the din I can just make out his murmur.

"It's too early for this shit."

Lily smiles at me warmly as I take my seat. "Guess we truly are back in Hogwarts huh?"

"Now all we need is a face off with the Slytherin's and it's exactly like the old days."

"Doesn't it feel weird to be up here? I almost sat down with the Griffindor's when I first walked in," Lily admitted,

"I'm not sure any of the guys would have been able to handle it," I reply.

Lily rolls her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous James; it's only you I seem to enchant."

I glance over to the Gryffindor table where some familiar, but more grown up faces are staring at Lily with awe.

I moan. "I'm going to have to fight to keep you again aren't I?"

Lily holds up her hand wiggling her wedding finger. "Pretty sure this means you won,"

I grab her and pull her a lot closer than I'm sure we're permitted to be in front of students. "I'll just have to make sure you're wearing that at all times… not that I think it would stop them."

"Shh," Lily says with a giggle in her voice. "Dumbledore is about to address everyone,"

Raising a single palm was all it took for Dumbledore to command complete silence.

"Good morning. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, if you are at all as hungry as I am I can imagine I'm beginning to resemble food at this point,"

Quiet chuckling spread across the room and smiling indulgently Dumbledore paused a few seconds before continuing.

"I just have a quick announcement regarding these young bright minds sitting up here with us this morning. For our sixth to seventh year students we will be running a special skills course which will be run by our very successful and enigmatic graduates. They will do their own introductions with you today, I'm sure,"

And here he looks directly at Sirius.

"That some of them have a very specific idea of the impression they want to leave on you. I am sure I don't need to remind you that it is imperative you listen to them very closely and give them the same respect you would give any other teacher here. That being said, enjoy the time you have with each other and eat up!"

There's a smattering of applause before everyone turns to the tables that are now filled with the usual delicious meals spread all throughout.

"So, how are you going to play it?" Sirius asks me with a sausage half chewed in his mouth.

"First of all, that's disgusting. Second of all, play what?"

"Being a teacher. Are you going to be the cool teacher and try to be their friend? Come on strong with the threats to scare the respect out of them or be the creepy teacher that puts everyone on edge?"

"I don't know," I reply in exasperation. "I hadn't thought of it. I'm just going to go in there and try to teach them how to fly defensively as best I can,"

Sirius nods thoughtfully. "Hmm… I think I'm going to be the scary teacher then progress to their friend,"

Carla ruffles his hair. "I'm going to seduce them into liking me more than you,"

"Seduce them!" Sirius cries out. "I'm hoping you value their safety and lives and are kidding,"

Rolling my eyes I tune them out and focus on filling my self up with the most amazing assortments of breakfast foods.

Fear creeps up on me when I start to worry if I'm actually qualified to be teaching anyone about surviving or avoiding danger. Don't I always seem to throw myself into deadly situations? Is that what Dumbledore wants the new generation to learn?

"James, are you in there? James!"

I jump and turn to Lily. "Sorry did you say something?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for a good five minutes; you've been staring off into the distance for ages. We're all heading out to meet our first groups at Hagrid's hut. I didn't think you being late on the first day would be the best impression."

I smile gratefully. "What would I do without you?"

"Cease to exist," she quips as she pulls me to my feet. "Come on; let's go meet our victims,"

I laugh and sling my arm around her shoulders. "Lead the way."

LILY

We arrive just in time for Professor McGonagall to start explaining the rules and dividing the groups up, upon noticing us she gives us a disapproving glare but doesn't pause from what she's saying.

"There will of course be teacher's present at all times to over see the mentoring and provide and necessary discipline or help. I am trusting you are all mature enough to take this exercise seriously and pay very close attention to your mentor's for as long as they are here. Any one pulling any pranks or stupidity will be punished severely is that understood?"

There is a mumbling of agreement before McGonagall continues.

"Without further ado you will now be sorted into your groups, the groups in which you are sorted will be whom you remain with for the lessons. You will swap instructors twice a day for three days until you have participated in all six courses being provided for you. The first group will be with Mr Potter learning defensive flying. Once I have called your name please go and stand with Mr Potter."

James gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before he stepped to the side of Professor McGonagall and waited.

"Trella Roberts, Tiana Craft, Peter Lutz, Amalia McLaughlin, Ronan Gretch, Hannah Pearce…"

I tuned out as she read the rest of the names as I watched the first two girls stare James up and down, their eyes hungry on his body as they whispered to each other and shuffled closer every few seconds.

I balled my hands into fists.

So unbelievably transparent. How could they honestly think I…or anyone else for that matter, wouldn't notice just how pathetic they were behaving.

James stood oblivious, chatting with the young boy next to him, already effortlessly fitting in.

The taller blonde girl, Trella or whatever her name was had now moved close enough to James that her chest was brushing his arm as she smiled up at him seductively and licked her lips every time he noticed her.

God wasn't this just like school all over again. James Potter with the pick of any girl he could want. All the girls throwing themselves at him.

And me?

Invisible.

James catches my eye at that moment and his smile fades almost immediately once he notices my expression.

I try to smile to reassure him but it must turn out more like a grimace because he looks even more concerned than ever.

_I'm fine_. I mouth, shrugging a little.

The blonde grabs onto James arm and tugs to try to win his attention back but he effortlessly shakes her off without even breaking eye contact with me.

_I love you_. He mouths back.

"Mrs Potter?"

I immediately focus my attention back on Professor McGonagall.

Shit. Did she ask me something? Am I going to be in trouble for not paying attention? Can I even get in trouble anymore?

"Sorry professor what was that?" I ask quietly, my cheeks filling with colour.

She looks at me with a mixture of pity and reproach. "Your group is ready to go, since you require the most space on ground for the defensive spells and James needs the most space in the air I thought you could both use the far field."

"Oh! Yes, that would be great, thank you."

"You can take your groups now then whilst we sort the rest of the students and arrange the designated areas for them. You each have your group until three pm, with a thirty minute break for lunch in between, then you will swap groups and carry on until seven thirty when we will then retire for dinner and then bed."

I nod. "Ok, thanks Professor."

She nods back in dismissal and it is only then that I'm aware of the twenty or so faces around me looking to me for instructions.

"Oh, hello there," I try my most confident smile, praying that it works. "I'm Lily Potter…I'm going to do my best to teach you all I know about defending yourself with magic."

A boy with the darkest brown eyes raises his hand and I bite back a smile. "Yes uh…?"

"Scardoni. Jace Scardoni. I was just wondering if we are going to learn attacking spells too?"

McGonagall gives me a sharp look and then a very, almost unrecognisable nod of her head.

"We'll see how well we do with defence," I reply.

James strolls over and takes my hand. "Alright kiddies, are we ready to get defensive or what?"

Most of the students chuckle a bit and any tension or apprehension they may have had about James disappears.

A natural at everything.

"Follow along," James calls as we lead the way.

"Are you two, like married?" Trella asks disdainfully.

"Nearly a year now," James replies squeezing my hand.

Her face goes sour. "Don't you think you're too young to be married? You're wasting the best years of your life."

I open my mouth to snarl something at her just James beats me to it. "When you find someone you can't live without in a world where you never know what day may be your last, you take that chance to be with them and you seize it," he presses my hand to his lips. "I have never regretted a moment."

Trella makes a gagging sound and falls back away from us.

"Do girl's really like that sentimental bull?" the guy James was talking with before asks.

James grins. "Why don't you talk to Professor Black about girls? He would love to give you some feed back."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I wouldn't listen too closely though," I say. "He is part of the monogamy club now."

"Yeah but he was a legend at school, I'm sure not all of that has faded,"

I laugh as I let go of James hand. "You may be his new favourite person. Ok, well be better split up and let Professor Potter do his flying thing,"

"I'll see you at lunch," he calls to me after he blows a kiss and leads his students away.

I smile, allowing myself a moment to drink in the sight of him before I turn back to the students, fully focused.

"Alright, now I'm pretty shocking with names but I never forget a face so I brought along some name tags to help me. Do you mind?"

"Isn't that something babies do?" a surly blonde boy asks.

"Shut up Thomas," a small red head snaps. "I'm Miranda Moore,"

"Nice to meet you Miranda," I say warmly as I hand her the tags. "If you could just hand these out to your classmates."

Quietly everyone starts to scribble their names down and I take this moment to try and think of where the hell I'm even going to start with these kids. I mean, what is too easy and what is too advanced? The kids all ranged from sixth to seventh years so I wasn't entirely sure what they were all up to in their classes.

"Ok," I began shakily as everyone pinned their name tags on. "Why don't we start with what you're all up to in class?"

A tall boy with jet black hair and piercing eyes raised his hand.

I nodded my permission for him to answer.

"Anson Miles, sixth year. At the moment we're learning how to defeat Bogart's."

"Oh, yes. I remember that well. Thanks for that Anson; could anyone here in seventh year tell me what you're up to?"

Miranda raises her hand. "We're learning how to block offensive spells at the moment."

I nod. Ok, so they are definitely past basics, yet not quite delving into preparing for the unforgivable curses.

"Has anyone learnt Patronus's yet?" I ask.

Thomas rolls his eyes. "And what would be the point? The Dementors are in Azkaban; can't we learn the good stuff?"

I decide I don't like this kid and I'm almost sure he's from Slytherin. "What if we lost the war and Dementors were let loose? Are you going to just irritate them to death?"

He blushes and mumbles something unsavoury under his breath.

Ignoring him I turn to face everyone, feeling my confidence start to build.

"I'm not a Professor here, I'm not an Auror but I have faced the evil in the world and I am here to tell you all about it. Now, I don't claim to know it all but I do know enough that given the situation I can defend my life and the lives around me. This is probably pretty awkward for you, having someone only a few years older than you here teaching you magic but I want you to know that I'm going to do my best to teach you all I know and prepare you in anyway I can. I do pray however, that you never have to use any of this."

A small blonde smiles at me brightly and it encourages me to stand even taller.

"We don't have a lot of time so we're going to start off with the Patronus, move on to blocking the more dangerous spells and then if there is enough time I will teach you one and only one offensive spell. If you can all line up for me."

Energised with the thought of learning how to attack everyone quickly moves into some sort of order and watches me expectantly.

"The key to this spell is happiness."

"Happiness?" Thomas asks doubtfully.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Thomas, am I going to have you echo me every time I speak? Because that's going to get real old, real fast. If anyone has any questions can you please either just raise you hand or ask politely?"

After a scattering of nods I continue.

"As I was saying, to produce a successful Patronus you need a happy thought or memory to fuel your magic. It's a very advanced spell so if you don't completely conquer it today don't feel disheartened. Just attempting it is a huge feat. If you watch closely, I'll demonstrate for you."

I close my eyes and picture James by the fireplace, stroking my hair and kissing me tenderly.

"Expecto Patronum!"

A silvery doe bursts from my wand and canters around the students.

Nearly all of the girls coo in awe as it laps around them twice before running off into the woods to disappear.

"Will all of ours look like that?"

"How long did it take you to get it right?"

"How many happy memories do you need?"

I laugh and raise my hand. "Whoa, although I appreciate you enthusiasm I think the hand system was working better. No, every Patronus is different; personal to you. It took me a month to get mine strong and able to run around me. I just think of one really happy memory each time I cast the spell. Any other questions, or would you like to get started?"

Unanimously they decide to try and give the spell a go themselves.

An hour passes and only half have managed to get more than a spurt of silver out of their wands.

"You're doing so great," I call out encouragingly. "Just take your time, imagine a moment where you felt entirely at peace, your whole body was light from joy and nothing could ruin that moment. Hold onto it, immerse yourself in that moment and then cast your spell."

It takes another twenty minutes but by then almost everyone has managed to form a shape or animal out of their wand for at least three seconds before it fades away.

"That's fantastic! You're really learning fast! You should be very proud of yourselves!"

"I can't think of anything good enough to get a shape out of mine," Anson mutters bitterly.

I move over so I'm right near him and lower my voice. "You don't need to get it perfect today. Did you hear me before? It took me a good month. This just means your homework is going out and finding a wonderful memory to hold onto or maybe it's time to create one."

He smiles at me briefly before his eyebrows crease in concentration and he works to form his spell correctly.

I look up and see James casting balls of light and flinging it at the students above him, forcing them to dodge and weave out of their way to avoid being hit. Even from below here I can hear laughter.

I'm not surprised. James makes everything fun.

"Mrs Potter?"

I spin around to find myself facing Dumbledore.

"Oh hey Professor, how is it going?"

"Quite well. It looks like I don't even need to ask you, your students seem to be coming along nicely."

I smile modestly. "They're all really talented."

"Oh yes, no shortage of talent here. I just came to congratulate you on a good start and let you know that lunch will be ready soon,"

"No worries, I'll get everyone to start finishing up now."

"Keep up the good work," he says with a wink before casually strolling away.

I smile to myself. How could anyone not love Dumbledore? He was the best Head master and wizard in history as far as I was concerned.

I turn back to the students just in time to see Anson cast a large fox. It cocked its silvery head at me for a moment and then it was gone.

"Professor, Professor! Did you see?" he calls out, practically jumping up and down.

"I did that was awesome Anson. You have something to work on now."

His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are bright. "I wish you taught here all the time,"

"You'd definitely be a favourite," Miranda comments.

My heart pulls and I feel that if life had turned out differently; this is exactly where I'd want to be.

"It's time for lunch," I call out to everyone. "We'll pick up with blocking spells when you get back,"

"No more Patronus's?" Anson asks, face disappointed.

"Not today, but you all know enough that you can practice it yourself now anyway. Just remember to focus on your best memories. Off you go, I'll be in trouble with professor Dumbledore if you pass out from lack of energy!"

They chatter to themselves and split off into groups, bouncing away with the excitement I can still remember having after a great lesson.

James is still flying around above me, oblivious to his surroundings below. They all seem to have been sorted into groups now, one attacking one defending. The attacking team circles around their opponents, throwing what I hope is harmless spells their way as the defence has to not only keep control of their broom but block and dodge the spells too.

I watch for a couple minutes, completely transfixed by the exercise above me until I hear the chimes that signal lunch and I whistle as loud as I can to James.

He immediately waves his students down and flies fast towards me, pulling up just in time to grab me in his arms and take us both tumbling on the ground.

"Very mature," I gasp, catching my breath as we come to a stop.

"Who says teachers can't have fun?"

I roll my eyes and dust myself off as I get to my feet. "You're going to miss lunch if you keep mucking around."

"Uh lunch, I'm starving!" he replies patting his stomach.

"We've only got thirty minutes, and we should probably make that twenty so we can be here when the students arrive,"

James turns around, cups his hands over his mouth and screams. "Lunch time! Meet me back in roughly half an hour. We'll swap teams then and move onto dives and stopping on command."

His students wave enthusiastically to him and then rush inside.

"You seem to have made quite the impression," I comment.

He wraps an arm around my shoulders. "You're not jealous about those little twits are you?"

"No," I sniff. "I just don't remember girls being that forward when we were in school,"

James laughs. "Just because you were never forward doesn't mean the other girls weren't"

I raise an eye brow. "That makes me feel so much better."

"How about this then, it doesn't matter whether it's two years ago or now, the outcome will be the same. I pick you. I always pick you."

As stupid as I know it is, hearing him say the words makes me feel reassured and eases my fears somewhat.

"Come on," he says nudging me. "We're going to miss lunch and hearing about all the girls that tried to throw themselves at Sirius."

"Good thing he's not in charge of first aid. Can you imagine how many girls would try and get him to perform mouth to mouth?"

James shudders. "Can you imagine how many bodies we'd have to help Carla bury?"

I laugh and peck him on the neck lightly, adding this moment to my catalogue of memories of James I use to keep my Patronus strong.


	74. Chapter 74

Hey again :)

I'm getting better at uploading faster :) This chapter and the next couple may just be fillers but i'm preparing you now to enjoy them because unfortunately the holiday has to end and things have to start getting intense again.

Hope it's not too much of a let down :)

As always I have to mention a few very special people; Loona22, i'mthe5thmarauder, Ravenclawlupin11, TheDA is dressed to the nines, CheyRainawesomeness, lynnny1, owugirl10.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you xx

* * *

JAMES

Lily and I walked hand in hand into the Great Hall.

"Awesome lesson James!" the tall boy from my first lesson said as he raised his hand for me to slap.

"You should be the new Quidditch coach!" another kid quipped before they trotted off.

"Hogwarts isn't ready for me yet," I call back.

Lily shakes her head with a smile on her face. "Definitely the favourite Professor already,"

I scoffed. "Yeah right and all the little guys staring at you with puppy eyes hate you?"

Lily shrugs. "Boobs are fascinating to all,"

I nudge her. "Don't be stupid. You know that's not it."

Lily doesn't get a chance to reply as we make it to our table where the group is already buzzed and waiting.

"Lily!" Carla shrieks and Lily is pulled away into girl world, oblivious to me or anyone else around her as they chatter away about the 'hot young meat; Hogwarts has to offer.'

Sirius pushed some ear plugs into my hands. "You're going to need them. I've been told for the last six minutes and thirty eight seconds how 'sweet and yummy' the boys have been. Pathetic."

I grin. "Feeling a bit jealous? Left out?"

He scowls. "It's not like they are any more special than we were! In fact, I'm one hundred and ten percent sure none of them could amount to how amazing we were!"

I patted his arm in sympathy. "There, there. It's all going to be ok."

He shakes my hand off impatiently and sulks into his Sheppard's pie.

"Well, how was your first lesson?" I ask Remus over Sirius's head.

Remus' face actually lights up.

"Surprisingly…fantastic. I didn't even know where to begin but Hagrid came with us into the forest and told me where I could find the unicorn's and it pretty much just went up hill from there. Then on the way back one of the girls tripped over and cut up her knees so I got to actually prove my medical skills first hand and then everyone paired off and practiced the proper bandaging and stuff before we got called to lunch."

I smile warmly as I spoon a mouthful of pumpkin soup into my mouth. "So good to hear. So you didn't have any troublesome Slytherin's in your group?"

"The only Slytherin's were three girls and the unicorn's pretty much got rid of any disdain they could have had. Get this Prongs … they actually asked me questions! Were interested in what I had to say! One kid even told me it was the best lesson on magical creatures ever!"

I zone out a little bit and just focus on the enthusiasm in which he speaks to me, the colour in his cheeks, the brightness in his eyes, the over all glow.

I glance over and Dumbledore who is smiling over at me and subtly raise my glass to him in thanks; he winks in response.

"How about you?" Remus finally asks.

I shrug. "Pretty good. I love flying so it was always going to be fun for me."

"Don't be so modest, I've been hearing chatters all lunch about how awesome the flying was not to mention the babbling girls!"

I shrug again.

"Well, what about you Padfoot?" Remus asks, turning his attention to Sirius.

Sirius looked up and finally looked alive. "It. Was. Awesome. I sorted everyone into teams and Dumbledore let us use this area in the forest and each team had a flag they had to retrieve whilst trying to keep their own safe."

"How did anyone get caught out or kicked out of the game?" Frank asked as he shuffled closer.

"This is the best part; McGonagall authorised me to teach everyone how to shoot paint from their wands so if someone 'shot' you, you were effectively dead and couldn't participate any more."

I chuckle at his child-like enthusiasm. "Sounds like it was more like fun than training."

"You didn't even hear the best part!"

"Quickly, tell me before I pass out from anticipation," I said dramatically.

He scowled but continued. "I had three guys, three! Ask me for advice on women."

I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously."

"Seriously! They even said I was a Hogwarts legend!"

Remus starts laughing. "Dumbledore is going to have to force you to leave isn't he?"

Sirius leant back in his chair; the very picture of making himself at home. "I've already picked out the tapestries I want to decorate my room with."

I lean back so I can see Frank properly. "What about you Professor Longbottom?"

Frank hung his head. "Not so good."

That snapped Sirius out of his dream like trance.

"What happened? Kids try to give you trouble? Curse you? Which ones?"

Frank sighed. "I wish. It was more the fact that they were far more interested in Alice than anything I had to say then I had to endure three girls passing out from my demonstration on Mandrakes."

Sirius leant behind Remus to clap Frank on the back. "It will get better mate; it's your first lesson. You'll ease into it more the more you do it."

Frank sighed. "I'm just not that great communicating with the kids."

"You just need to be confident," I told him. "Kids are like a pack of animals; they smell fear and will attack. Show them you have nothing to be scared of."

Frank shrugged. "Guess I'll give it a go."

I let Remus console him and just focused on eating my lunch, mainly sticking to soup and casserole as my throat was beginning to hurt already from all the yelling I had to do whilst I was in the air.

I looked over at Dumbledore who was deep in thought as he stared at his students, worry creasing his face.

I sighed. I did not envy the man. No matter how hard we tried to prepare them, no matter how many first aid, flying or curse classes they took it was never really going to prepare them for the adrenaline that kicked in when you were in a life and death situation or how that would force your body to react.

I dropped my spoon and let it clatter on the table, sending my soup sloshing around as I stood up; a brilliant idea in mind.

"What the hell?" Sirius asked as he dabbed at soup stains.

"Sorry," I said as I sat back down, my body pulsing with energy and excitement.

"Have you always been this unbalanced and I've failed to notice?"

I ruffled his hair. "Oh shut up. Look, lunch is over, guess we better head out for round two,"

Now Sirius stood abruptly; knocking a whole pitcher over. "Yes! It's go time."

He hurried off without another word leaving the rest of us to trail behind him.

Warm hands found mine and I looked down to see Lily smiling warmly up at me. "So, I have this crazy idea I was wondering if you would be interested in trying,"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm intrigued do go on."

"Well you see, I'm meant to be teaching defensive spells now and if they're lucky maybe a good offensive one and I thought maybe we could work together."

"I'm listening, what do you propose?"

"What if I taught them a defensive spell and offensive spell and they practiced until they were confident and then your group can practice dodging spells and casting them whilst in long range and under fire and my group will need to focus their magic to reach you up there as well as use their initiative to avoid being hit by spells and block them also."

It was brilliant really because not only did it mean we got to work more closely together but it gave the students a better feel for the kind of situations in which they would need this magic.

"I'm in," I tell her, squeezing her hand.

"We might get in trouble for straying from the plan," she says, biting her lip.

"I'm still in,"

"Of course you are," she chortled, letting go of my hand and bounding away with new found energy.

Peace filled my body again briefly as I watched her go before my animal instincts crept in and like a predator I was forced to act upon my prey fleeing.

I ran and quickly caught up with her, tackling her so we rolled down the grassy mound to the spot where she had set up her classroom.

"Are we going to learn how to do _that_?" one of Lily's students asked with a smirk.

Lily gave me a half hearted glare and pushed me off her. "Not unless you're aiming to get slapped by the girl Anson,"

"_You_ didn't slap him Professor Potter,"

Lily waved the title away. "Lily will do and unfortunately I had a lapse in judgement and married Mr Potter therefore I have to reduce my number of slaps,"

"Don't believe a word she says," I state. "She slaps me more than ever!"

Instinctively Lily's hand came up and smacked me across the back of my head.

I turned to the students, on hand on my head the other gesturing madly to Lily. "Do you see?"

All of them, even the surlier ones either laughed or had smiles on their faces.

"Well, if you're done acting a fool we should get back to our lesson,"

I give Lily a salute. "Yes ma'am. Do you want to break the good news or shall I?"

"Good news?" Amalia asks me softly.

I turn to Lily who nods her consent that I be the one to let them know.

"Yes, good news. You see Mrs Potter here has decided you're all talented enough for us to spice this lesson up a bit."

As one the students leant closer.

"Lily's students will be learning one defensive blocking spell and one attacking spell, you will be given an hour and a half to get those down pat. My team, you're going to practice the defensive dives and manoeuvres I have been showing you all morning, I will also teach you a shielding charm that works only momentarily when a curse is being shot your way, the paint spell is also going to be practiced until you can do it in your sleep.

Now here is where things get interesting; once your time is up for practice; Lily's team is going to unite to try their new found knowledge out on us flyers."

Immediately hands shot into the air.

"What's up Randle?" I point to the burliest bloke on my team.

"What if they knock us off our brooms and we go smashing to our deaths?"

"First of all, the point is you will have enough wits about you to _not_ let that happen. Second of all, between Lily and myself, I'm more than confident no one is going to get hurt."

More hands still remained in the air.

Lily took over now. "Miranda?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering if the task was compulsory? What if we don't feel entirely comfortable with this?"

Lily's face softened. "Well, obviously we're not going to force you but I would like you all to remember that if this were a real situation you sure as hell wouldn't be feeling comfortable and sitting out means lives lost."

All hands go down as they absorb the information and Lily's last statement.

"Well? Potter Pro's, let's do this."

_Potter Pro's?_ Lily mouths to me.

"If we had a Quidditch team that's what we'd be called. Accio broom!"

My broom zips right into my hands and before any of the students can ask me any more questions or hesitate I kick off into sky.

The wind rustles my hair, my clothes, my body and I love it. I open my arms out wide, closing my eyes for a moment to savour the sensation of flying.

_I'm home_, I think. _Not just the air, but Hogwarts. _

I open my eyes and drink up the sights around my, finally focusing on the twenty faces looking at me expectantly.

"What are you waiting for?" I demand. "A death eater isn't going to hesitate!"

I lop dozens of paint balls at them all at all different angles so they weave, dodge and spin away.

I breathe in the distinct smell of wind; a hint of rain mixed in and my smile spreads wider than the horizon.

_I'm home._

LILY

As the students around me stand in pairs and word on disarming with _Protego_ and _Expelliarmus_ I glance up to James, who even though he is a fair distance above me I can see has a massive grin spread from ear to ear; his arms spread wide against the wind as his kids zip around him.

Eyes closed, arms spread I start to tense as I notice one of the Slytherin student's eye James off with a smug smile and raise their wand.

I'm about to call out a warning to James, perhaps even curse the little bastard for wanting to knock James down a peg but I don't even get the chance.

The curse, which is not just the paint balls they were meant to be using soars towards James; who still has his eyes closed and arms out.

The curse is just about to make impact when something amazing happens, James moves lightening fast, still not opening his eyes or grabbing hold of the broom stick and the curse misses.

He then swoops away and appears right behind the boy who cursed him; smacking him with the end of his broom so that the guy was knocked off his own.

James then effortlessly dived down, plucked the boy with one arm and pulled him onto the broom, not pulling out of the dive until it looked like they may crash into the ground.

I had a smug little smile of my own as I watch the boy cling to James for dear life just as James smoothly landed them on the grass; allowing the kid to roll off.

It wasn't until I heard the awed whispers and scattered applause that I even realised my students had stopped practicing and were watching James with their mouth's open.

"Oh my god," Thomas whispered. "He is actually amazing,"

I smirk at him and overwhelming pride fills me completely.

That's my man. Even a stupid pretentious Slytherin can't deny how talented he is.

"Mrs Potter, Professor Potter is… he's sensational," a voice whispered next to me.

I didn't even look to see who it was, I just nodded. "You have no idea."

James dismounted and walked up to me, wind blown hair and a carefree spirit to boot.

"Professor Lily, shouldn't you have been supervising instead of checking me out?"

I ruffled his hair. "I'd forgotten how sensational you were,"

"Well, in that case it's a good thing you remembered."

He winked at me then signalled for his class to come down and join.

Once everyone was on the ground he paced backwards and forwards in front of them like he was a General addressing his troops.

"As entertaining as they may have been to watch it was very stupid on Mr Dawes behalf, Stupidity like that is what gets you killed, gets your friends killed, gets innocents killed. That was the free shot, anyone else tries stuff like that well… let's just hope you've been focusing on disarming spells."

Dawes glared at James. "You can't do that; you're not allowed to engage in violent behaviour with students."

James walked up and with one finger pushed him to the ground.

"What are they going to do? Fire me? Kid, I don't even work here. Are they going to throw me in Azkaban? I'm needed on the war front. Short of killing and torturing you there isn't really much I can't get away with. So next time a smart idea to try to attack me… or anyone else for that matter pops into your head you just remember that there isn't a hole in this castle you can hide in, that I can't find you. Got it?"

Dawes just nodded and James reverted back to his casual self.

"Anyway, that being said I think it's time to immerse yourselves in the action. Flyers you will only be using the paint balls, Walkers if you get hit more than twice than you're out of the game. Flyers if you even allow yourself to get hit once, you're out. Lily, anything you want to add?"

I nodded and stepped forward. "My team, you are to use only the spell I taught you and only with minimum force. If I catch anyone shooting in a malicious way and increasing the spells potency then I will be handing you over to Mr Filch for punishment and taking forty points from your house."

"Are you allowed to take points?" the burly guy asked.

"Yes, but we can also give them which is why the match will go for an hour. The team with the most players left standing will receive points for their house. Two points per student for their house."

That got their attention and with something to motivate them to win their excitement peaked.

I waved James off and almost as one they swept into the air to discuss their strategy.

Getting everyone to form a circle my mind raced as I tried to work out how we were going to play this.

"I think we're screwed Miss," Raquel Donovan tells me.

"How so?" I counter.

"They have brooms, they are faster and they have James Potter… no offence."

I smiled, inspiration hitting me. "But you have me and I am more than capable of kicking James' arse. They can only get hit once before they are out, you have another life this means we have an advantage. Everyone needs to pair up again.

I want one person standing in front of their partner. The front person is going to be responsible for the shield and block techniques where as the back focus's mainly on attack, if the front person gets hit then you quickly switch. Do not be afraid to dive and use any physical means necessary to avoid being hit also. Does that sound ok to everyone? Do you have anything you want to add?"

Miranda looks shocked. "You would let us contribute?"

"Sure, we're all a team right? I don't want to just order you around I want to work with you to gain success."

Anson claps me on the shoulder. "I think you did a pretty good job with the plan, but who are you going to be paired with?"

I smirk and look up just in time to catch James blow me a kiss then drag his finger across his throat.

"I'll do fine on my own; just leave Potter to me."

"Do you need more time to prepare?" James yells down.

"Do you need to go grab a box of tissues?" I counter.

James laughs. "Let's begin then."

Before I can blink paint starts to hurl towards us at amazing speeds.

"Shields up!" I scream as I roll to the side to avoid the heart shaped paint ball that was aimed at me.

"I gave you the option," James called down.

I didn't give him the satisfaction on a response I just hurled my curse at him; hitting the tail of his broom which flew backwards; James still attached.

I don't allow myself time to gloat; that will come later.

Instead I jump to my feet and check how everyone is going. So far no paint has made contact with anyone but they are only missing by the bare minimum.

"Miss we're getting smashed over here," the young red head screams.

"Focus!" I scream back. "This isn't about points kids, it's a bout pride! You are the first team to try this exercise which means you are the bench mark; make sure you set a high one. Defence; you are focusing too much on whether you're going to get hit; not how hard can you repel the curse. Offence; if you get hit… you get hit. Just make sure if you're going down; you're taking someone with you."

"Miss look out!"

I'm hit with something solid but warm and thrown onto the ground.

I look up in surprise into my saviour. "Thomas? _You_ stopped me from getting hit?"

His face is bright red as he scurries to get off me. "I don't like to lose."

I smiled; sure that that wasn't entirely it. "Well, thanks."

"You need to focus more on what you're doing and just believe we can handle it ourselves," he says over his shoulder as he speeds away.

Touche, I think as I turn my attention back to James.

He's wearing his stupid smug smile and adrenaline kicks in again, my body hardening and immediately moving into an attacking position.

I'm going to enjoy wiping that smug smile off his face.

I block his next attack and he is actually surprised when he has to scramble away quickly to miss it rebounding back at him.

I blow him a kiss and allow myself to gloat a little bit.

I think I'm going to enjoy it a lot.

"Game on," he yells back.

"Games been on for half an hour," I call back. "Nice to see you've finally joined in."

His smirk is gone and sheer determination replaces it as we begin our dance around each other; our skills matched our pride even.

A paint ball smashes into hair just as James broom nearly bucks him off completely.

I shake the excess out and force my body to ignore the aches and pains, force my breathing to even out and to focus only on James and not getting hit.

"Give up?" I call out.

James stares down at me and he inclines his head slightly…curious.

I automatically feel a sense on unease.

"Everyone back up," I call as I maintain my ground.

I hear the shuffling of feet as they re arrange their formations, I spare a glance to see that we haven't had too many casualties in our little war game and I grin.

If real war was like this; we'd definitely have it in the bad.

As I look up to check on James I realise my mistake in allowing a moment's distraction because he's gone; no where to be seen.

It's not until my wand is knocked out of my hand and I'm pulled off the ground that I even realise he's beat me.

"Great day for flying don't you think?"

Stupid smug smile is back.

I refuse to answer and instead look for an exit strategy; I cannot let my team down. I must show I'm strong, I must show I'm capable; I must show I'm fearless even in the face of defeat.

A minute passes and I have to hide my smile because James has made a mistake too.

His wand pokes out from his pocket.

Before I can lose my nerve I grab his wand and throw myself off the broom; whispering furiously I manage to conjure a huge mattress to land on before I make impact with the ground.

My shoulder; only just healed aches furiously, my back feels so tense I'm scared one movement may snap it in half and I'm bracing myself for a scolding.

"That was awesome!"

Hands pull me to my feet and awed faces stare at me from all over.

"I change my mind, Mrs Potter is _way_ more bad arse!"

"I thought you were going to get yourself killed for a second!" another student pipes up.

I look over to see James staring at me with admiration; his eyes are so filled with love it almost spills onto his cheeks.

Thomas looks at me disdainfully then slowly… ever so slowly his mouth quirks. "That was _amazing!"_

"Yes, very entertaining. Would someone mind telling me what in blazes is going on here?"

I closed my eyes and fought back a smile as I felt Professor McGonagall's disapproving glare pierce my skin.

Marrying James had definitely rubbed off on me. Not even here a full day and I was getting myself in trouble.

I glance around at the students who although red faced and out of breath look alive with excitement and James who is lazily lounging on his broom; his face the very picture of boyish mischief.

Whatever the punishment.

It's worth it.


	75. Chapter 75

Hey everyone,  
You will have to forgive me it's such a super short update this time. I was having an intense writer's block so expect lot's of errors as I ended up getting so frustrated i just decided to post what I ended up with.

I have some very special people to thank; Life Gives You Lemons, thebritishone, mysticrox123, Jacki James Criss Potter, Jollyfish, I-will-marry-Sirius-Black, missyca23, TWHATT18, Ashi Avery Arianna, RavenclawLupin11, lynnnnyl, kiayame-san, owugirl10, CheyRainAwesomeness, Ayondit, The DA is dressed to the nines, Loona22,

You guys are amazing! Thank you so much,  
Love love love love

xxxx

* * *

JAMES

"Mr Potter? Do you care to explain what you are doing?"

"Improvising,"

Her mouth actually dropped for a moment before she remembered where she was and closed it promptly.

"Improvising?"

"Yeah," I say, trying not to laugh at her expression. "I know we were meant to take our own teams and do our own thing but we figured we would gain more from putting the kids in a more realistic scenario to show them what they could be dealing with. Obviously we should have double checked this with you first but we didn't want to waste any precious time. Better to ask forgiveness than permission you know what I mean?"

McGonagall pursed her lips. "And what about the safety of the student's we entrusted into your care?"

I glanced at Lily who's bravado was starting to fade and be replaced with guilt.

I felt my whole body harden as I could watch the exact moment Lily began to doubt herself.

Not on my watch.

"I think we both know better than that Professor,"

"I beg your-"

I do the gutsiest thing I have ever done my whole time at Hogwarts. I hold my hand up to silence her.

"If you don't believe it of me, you should believe that Lily would never endanger anyone's life other than her own. We had the defensive spells set firmly in place and were using paint as the curses so apart from maybe a few welts, no one was going to have any damage. If my flyers were to fall if you notice there is a mattress of safety for them to fall into. We haven't always made the wisest decisions Professor but we have managed to keep our wits about us, we have managed to survive this long and we have certainly managed to look out for other's before ourselves."

She looked at me hard, flickering her gaze to Lily and the students briefly before making eye contact with me again.

"Mrs Potter, can you go and fetch the other instructors for me please?"

"Of course!" Lily began to hurry away but then quickly rushed back. "You mean Sirius and everyone right?"

"Yes Lily."

"No problem, I'll be back as soon as possible."

With a small apologetic smile to me she took off at a run.

One of Lily's students whistled softly. "They don't make girls like that anymore."

My hands clenched into fists just as Professor McGonagall spoke.

"Pupils, if possible could you please carry on practising whilst I speak to Mr Potter here."

Lockwood, the stupid git that had been asking me all day about how 'solid' mine and Lily's marriage is, raised his hand lazily.

"Yes Mr Lockwood?"

"Well what exactly are we practicing Professor? We didn't get to finish our match so can we continue on with that? You can be my blocker if you want."

I closed my eyes. He was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid.

Stupid was definitely more likely.

"That won't be necessary," she replied coldly. "Those that are flying can just practice your dives and swerves and those learning spells can please continue in pairs the attack and blocks."

Lockwood shrugged and headed off. "The offer is always there Professor."

McGonagall pretended to ignore him and turned back to me as the students dispersed.

"Miss, I know you're pissed off but honestly-"

"Go see Professor Dumbledore first Potter, then you can make your excuses."

Dumbledore?

Shit. Maybe they could put me in detention.

Well, even if they did I was going to do my damndest to make sure I was doing it alone and Lily didn't have any repercussions.

I stood tall and proud, unapologetic for my actions and proud of my students.

"Is he in his office Professor?"

"Indeed."

I gave her a terse nod and headed off.

I may have been going crazy but I could have sworn she was smiling as I left.

After I got past the gargoyle (the password was fizz whizzers) I jumped the steps two at a time to Dumbledore's office and without knocking burst into his office.

"Professor I can explain!"

Dumbledore sat calmly at his office, his eyes sparkling at me. "Oh? What are you explaining dear boy?"

His lack of anger confused me and I found myself lost for words. "About the classes…you see it wasn't Lily's fault…we were just trying something more inventive you see… and the be honest you didn't exactly specify what we could and couldn't do and I thought we were taught to take initiative so I don't really understand why we're being punished!"

He raised a white eyebrow. "Punished? Dear boy, who said anything about being punished?"

Now I was definitely lost for words. "But… Professor McGonagall…"

"Informed you that I wanted to see you, not that you were in trouble of any kind."

"Oh," I sat in the chair he gestured for me to take.

"Well, then I have to confess to some confusion sir,"

Dumbledore smiled. "Very big of you to do,"

I searched for any words to say but found there were none. This whole situation with coming back to Hogwarts was the most confusing thing and it wasn't becoming any clearer.

"At lunch today, you seemed like you had some sort of an epiphany. Did that have something to do with the change of events this afternoon?"

I thought back to the moment where it had all hit me clearly; what we should be doing with these kids and I nodded slowly.

"Sort of… Lily had the idea for mixing our classes together… I was thinking about the bigger picture."

"Which is?"

"We cannot prepare them enough with only four hours on each station and just practicing in a relaxed environment. I think they should be taught everything at the same time by all of us. We shouldn't have this smaller groups it should be one big group with all of us teaching them and it should go for more than four hours. It should be a week. Each day they should focus on one of the skills and then…"

I took a deep breath to gain the courage to say the last bit.

"And then I think we should stage a mock war to show them just how confronting battle is and how unprepared they truly are."

I look up at Dumbledore and find he is looking at me thoughtfully… no doubt considering if I should be hospitalised at the suggestion that we throw his students into war.

"I'm not crazy," I feel compelled to say.

Dumbledore smiles at me. "Dear boy, there wouldn't be a problem if you were. After all, we are all a bit crazy aren't we? No normal person rushes into war wands a blazing."

I scoff. "That's very true. I meant crazy in the way of… I'm not trying to get your students killed."

Dumbledore looks at me sharply. "James, what gave you the idea that I thought that?"

"Well…"

"If anything I'm impressed that you're taking their lives so seriously by wanting to prepare them in the very realest sense possible. I was not thinking of how to tell you to leave, or that I think you're crazy. I was trying to find a solution to gaining all their parents permission to partake in the mock battle."

My mouth dropped open. "You're actually considering my idea?"

"More than considering, I'm actually going to enforce it."

I stand and actually jump in the air in delight. "Sir, I wouldn't worry about the parents. The worst that could happen in the mock war is that someone breaks a bone or cuts themselves. In the grand scheme of things that could easily happen in a Quidditch game. When it comes to the safety of their children and their knowledge in keeping themselves safe I doubt you'll find much resistance."

Dumbledore chuckles. "Perhaps I should send you to speak to them; you and Sirius could always sell wands to a wand maker."

I allowed myself a little bow. "You'd be surprised how far charm has got us."

He winked at me. "I doubt much could surprise me about your abilities James, however I welcome you to try."

"So, sir, just so I'm clear. You invited me in here not to yell at me, not to punish me but to get my input on how to make this program successful?"

"That would be correct,"

"So, it's going to happen then? What I suggested?"

He quirked his lips into a smile. "I think you had better go tell your fellow instructors your holiday has been extended and let your students know that they will be in for some changes."

I got up with such enthusiasm I knocked the chair over.

"So sorry about that," I babbled as I rushed to right everything…knocking over a table and lamp in the process.

"No need for apologies your excitement is quite worth my office being rearranged. You may go and spread the news as you would say,"

I bounded for the door but just before I rushed out another thought hit me.

"Oh Professor? What exactly are the changes going to be? How are we working the technicalities out?"

"Oh I trust you will figure something out."

"Me?" I asked in surprise. "You're allowing _me_ to organise the retreat?"

"Is that such a surprise?" he countered, eyebrows raised. "Have you not done this exact planning for the battles in which you have participated in?"

Immediately I'm filled with pride and humbled that he believes in me so much.

"I won't let you down Sir, I promise,"

I rush out and just catch him saying.

"You never do."

LILY

"What's going on?" Carla whispered as we all waited on the field for whatever was going to come next.

Heat flushed into my cheeks. "James and I sort of… well we may have adapted our own version to the retreat and enforced it without permission."

Sirius grins at me broadly. "_You_ broke the rules? Seriously? How did James get you to agree?"

My blush deepens. "It was my idea."

Sirius whoops in delight and slings an arm around my shoulders. "This is definitely a good look on you Professor Potter."

He lets go of me and pull Carla close, swiping at a mock tear. "Look at our little girl, growing up so fast!"

I scowl as Carla giggles and nudges him away from her.

"So what's the damage?" He asks me on a more serious note. "We getting a slap on the wrist? Kicked out? Sent to Filch?"

I shrug. "I honestly have no idea."

"Well, whatever the situation, I got your back. You can even say I used the Imperius on you to make you come up with the idea."

I smile softly. "You're going to take the blame for my stupid idea?"

"It's what family does right? Cleans up after each other?"

"Sirius, you're kind of magnificent you know that?"

He smirks. "I'm very aware of it, but thanks for catching up."

Remus hands twitches nervously. "I don't know what's taking so long,"

Sirius waves his concerns away. "Everyone just needs to relax, James and I have done way worse stuff than this and we got out alive."

"I don't even think you did anything wrong," Alice tells me kindly.

"I made a call I didn't have the authority to make Alice,"

"I don't think so," Frank says. "You made an educated decision based on what would be more interesting for your students. I think you should be rewarded."

I try to smile reassuringly but I'm worried. James has been gone over forty minutes now and every minute he's away the panic increases ten fold.

Sirius, the most careless and carefree of us is also the most intuitive and moves over and rubs my back before turning to yell at Professor McGonagall.

"Professor how long are we going to have to wait here without answers? The kids are getting restless and I'm starting to get pissed off. Where's James?"

My mouth drops. No one talks to McGonagall like that. NO ONE. We're going to get punished for sure now. Possibly even tortured. Oh God.

Professor McGonagall looks over at Sirius sharply, stares at him for a moment and then strides over.

"Manners would be appreciated Mr Black."

"Listen, I'm sorry to offend you but don't you think it's rude keeping us in suspense like this? Letting us think the worst, letting the panic rise. That's not fair. You know it's not. We're not being unreasonable Professor, we're just asking for a bit of information."

Again she watches Sirius shrewdly, as if deciding on something before slightly nodding to herself.

"You're not being punished. Mr Potter will be back soon to answer your questions."

Before anyone can respond she hurries off to deal with some students.

"Thanks for that," Sirius says sarcastically. "Answer one question out of a twenty and now leave another forty unanswered."

"At least we're not in trouble," Alice says hopefully.

"She said we're not being punished," Sirius replied. "Not that we weren't in trouble."

Carla glared at him pointedly. "Thanks for the assurance."

He opens his mouth to no doubt apologise but then whoops instead.

"There we go! Prongs is on his way. Prongs! Over here you git! Prongs!"

I whip around and see James casually strolling towards us; seeming completely at ease and untroubled.

At once I'm annoyed that he isn't running over to put us out of our misery.

"Could he walk any slower?"

I smirked. God I loved Sirius.

"Prongs! Hurry up you twat!"

"Mr Black!"

"Sorry Professor McGonagall what I meant to say was hurry up Professor twat!"

I hid my smile behind my hand as Professor McGonagall went three shades paler and her eyes became the size of a house elves.

Luckily James had started to run and was almost upon us before any more exchanges…or punishments could take place.

"Miss me?" he asked as he leant down to peck me on the forehead.

"Take long enough?" I retorted.

"Hey," he said defensively. "I'll have you know genius plans don't just happen instantly!"

"Genius plan? What are you even talking about?"

"I think we would all like to know the answer to that question," Professor McGonagall said as she moved over arms crossed.

James clapped his hands then beckoned everyone closer.

"Children please, gather round, gather round I have some very surprisingly but completely amazing news for you all."

"They cancelled the exams?" a kid piped up.

James pointed at him and winked. "So close but no cigar! Anyone else care to take a guess? Bet you won't get it, but feel free to try anyway."

"Mr Potter!"

James sighed and had the decency to look slightly rueful. "Sorry, I'll behave. I'll cut to the chase. Professor Dumbledore has asked me to plan and execute the practical side of your exams for this year."

As the kids began to chatter in excitement he held his hand up for silence.

"I'm not finished. You will still have to partake in the theory exams so don't get too excited."

"So are we just doing the training swap and that's our exam?"

James shook his head and his face lit up. "This is even better. What's going to happen is instead of swapping instructors and breaking every one up, everyone is going to be learning the same skill each day with all of us. You will focus on each skill for an entire day so you can really immerse yourself in it. Each group that took part in a skill today will become the prefects the day of that particular skill as I expect you were listening and took in enough information to be able to help others.

If you abuse your Prefect station you will fail this part of your exams, if you succeed and go above and beyond then you will be rewarded with extra marks so your theory won't count as much."

All the students cheered and an excited buzz filled the air, so contagious I found a manic smile spreading across my face.

"Finally, the most exciting news is; after your six intense days of training you're going to war."

Smiles, laughs, the buzz…everything just ceases.

"P-Potter?" McGonagall says shakily.

He raises his hand in a calming manner. "Not _war_ war, relax I'm not here to get you killed. No, we're staging our own war here, you aren't just going to get prepared by reading about war or taking a skills test. The only way you're truly going to know what it's like to be in that situation is _BE_ in that situation. Students vs instructors. You will be split into six groups and each group will have the task of facing off against us to test your skills. It's not going to be easy, it's not going to be fun but I will guarantee you this; once this week is done if you put in hundred percent and really absorb everything we have to teach you… you will not regret it. It will be the best and worst experience of your life and one day… god I hope this never happens, but one day if you ever find yourself faced in a life and death situation…you will thank us."

Silence meets James last words. You could hear a pin drop it's so quiet.

I look around me at the faces staring at James intently. The expressions range from awe and respect to fear and disbelief.

He smacks his lips nervously and bounces on the balls of his feet.

"So… any questions?"

At least fifty hands go up.


	76. Chapter 76

Hey lovelies :)

Another update for you. Bear with me, it's going to pick up soon I promise!

Thank you; mysticrox123 , Loona22, The DA is dressed to the nines, Jacki James Criss Potter, Life gives you lemons, kiayame-san, owugirl10, lynnnnyl

You amaze me, you're dedication means the world to me and I'm so thankful for each and every one of you.

enjoy;

xxxx

* * *

JAMES

"So Dumbledore green lit this whole thing one hundred percent?" Sirius asked for the sixth time.

I worked hard to keep the frustration out of my voice. "Yes mate, he left it up to me."

"He actually said those words?"

"Yes Sirius, more or less that was what he said."

"So he's actually trusting you with his students young minds and their lives?"

I bite down on the inside of my cheek; the pain focusing my attention away from punching him for asking me the same questions in different phrasing.

"_Yes Sirius._"

"Prongs… that is _fucking_ cool,"

I allow myself a little smile. "I guess."

"Mate, he's basically just told you, you are good enough to teach the next generation how to beat the shit out of death eaters. You're like a General or something of his army. It's fucking amazing!"

I smile broader this time. "Yeah, it's pretty crazy."

He looks over to where Lily and Carla are discussing with McGonagall the supplies we'll need for tomorrow to begin first aid training.

"I feel like this is right, you know?"

I look back to him. "How do you mean?"

He nods at the girls. "Being back here but having the girls of our dreams actually being ours? Being in love but not letting that stop us from having fun. This is how it should have been mate. This is living the dream."

I watch Lily as she smiles and gestures wildly to Carla, her whole body bouncing with excitement. Warmth spreads all through my body and it strikes me that I would never know how to live life without her in it. Nor would I ever want to.

"Yeah, it's definitely as close to perfect as you can get."

"So, we start this whole thing again tomorrow then?"

"Yep, sure do."

"And you're really doing this to help, you're not trying to blow off steam and knock some kids out right?"

I look at him sharply and he holds his hands up in surrender.

"I'm just checking, my bad."

I scuff my feet against the ground. "I'm just hoping it works out, it would kill me to put in all this effort and have Dumbledore give me this responsibility then have it just fail."

He claps me on the shoulder. "Can't fail mate. They either listen, or they don't all you're there to do is teach them everything you know when it comes to failing it's all on their shoulders."

I turn to watch all the students that are gathered into their own little groups chattering away with an air of nervous energy around them.

"It's going to be good," Sirius says with a huge grin. "You may not need to blow off steam but I do and if they pay as close attention as I think they will…I'm going to enjoy a challenge."

"We're not here to hurt the kids Sirius," I say wearily.

He winks as he starts to walk over to the girls. "We're not here to get them _killed_, I think a little bit of pain never hurt anybody where war is concerned."

I sigh and follow after him.

Let's just hope they pay very close attention tomorrow in first aid class; I have a feeling they will definitely need it.

Lily lies on her side, her hair tousled around her, a lazy grin on her face.

"You're getting pretty good at that Potter?"

"_Getting_ pretty good?" I ask in mock indignation.

She winks as she gathers the sheets up around her. "Oh don't worry, there's always room for improvement and I'm more than happy to work with you."

I trap her beneath my body and cup her chin in my hand. "You're heading the right way for a spanking young lady,"

She smirks. "Oh Professor I'll do anything for an O!"

I laugh and tuck her hair behind her ears. "I really love you Mrs Potter,"

She pushes me off gently. "Well I should hope you don't marry people you hate,"

"No I marry people who claim to hate me instead,"

She smiles and ruffles my hair before pulling the sheets off me and around her as she stands up.

"Hey!"

"I need to shower and I don't want to risk walking around naked in case Sirius comes bounding in,"

"But it's ok if he sees me naked?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Nothing he hasn't seen before right?"

I shake my head but I'm smiling. "You _will_ pay for that later."

"I look forward to it, however in the mean time you should get ready our first day of you great plan starts soon,"

I groan and fall back onto the pillows. "Do I really have to go? Can't we just stay in bed all day?"

"Unfortunately you had a rare stroke of genius and since it's your plan there's really no getting out of this, is there?"

I sigh. "Man, I suck don't I?"

"Sirius seems to think so," she quips then rushes off just as I throw a pillow at her.

I'm still smiling as I dress and head down to the common room, so content in this blissfully _normal_ life we've established these past couple days.

"Uh oh," Sirius says in a stage whisper. "I think we're going to have another unbearable day with the lovers,"

"You're just jealous," I tell him, still smiling.

Remus watches me from over his book then allows his lips to quirk slightly. "It is good to see this reprieve is doing some one so well,"

I feel equal parts of guilt and happiness as he says this and I'm completely unprepared for how to respond so instead I just squeeze his shoulder as I walk past and sit next to Frank who looks exhausted.

"You ok mate?" I ask.

He stares at me with bleary eyes. "I didn't get much sleep last night,"

Sirius grins. "Alice keep you up all night?"

He nods slowly and Sirius whoops in delight. "That's the way!"

Frank snaps to attention. "Oh no, no, no, we weren't being intimate. She was throwing up all night and so I was up holding her hair for her I doubt we even got four hours sleep between us."

"Did she eat something bad?" Remus asked in concern.

"Was it anything I ate?" Sirius tacked on.

"She doesn't seem to think it's food poisoning," Frank said. "More like a bug or something,"

"Poor girl," I say softly. "Throwing up is the worst."

"You'd hold my hair for me wouldn't you Prongs?" Sirius asks batting his eye lashes at me.

"Nah mate, I'd rather take the sleep,"

He scowls at me. "I don't think I like you as much anymore,"

"Lovers quarrel?" Carla asks as she bounces up to kiss Sirius on the cheek.

He groans. "Babe, how long is this joke going to go on for?"

She pretends to ponder it. "Well… how long to you intend on living for?"

He sighs. "Sorry I asked."

I check my watch, my contagious smile back in place. "We better head down to breakfast soon, are Lily and Alice nearly ready?"

"I'm all good," Lily replies as she emerges, skin pink from the shower still. "Alice said she'll just meet us on the field; she's not feeling too well this morning."

Frank stands immediately. "I'll stay and look after her."

Lily shakes her head apologetically. "Sorry Frank she was pretty adamant about having some time to herself this morning to get herself back together."

Frank hovers uncomfortably. "Is she sure? What if I just wait down here for her?"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "When girls are sick and want space mate, you stay away until they come to you or risk permanent injury."

I look to Lily and Carla for confirmation and they nod together.

"Absolutely," Carla affirms. "Just let her come in her own time. Come on, breakfast will be cold if we keep waiting."

Frank looks back to the stair case indecision all over his face until Sirius barrels him towards the exit.

"You heard the woman mate, let's get this show on the road. We have young minds to manipulate to our own will today, you want to be as alert as possible for that right?"

"We're mentoring not manipulating Sirius," Remus tells him mildly.

"Isn't that what I said?" he replies, the picture of innocence.

We all shake our heads at him then continue in a group to the great hall for breakfast.

"Alice still hasn't shown up," Frank says , eyes still locked on the entrance as he holds a half eaten crumpet half way to his mouth still.

"She's probably just trying to get a little bit of extra sleep," Remus says in comfort.

"Or just taking advantage of the endless supply of hot water," Lily adds.

"Showers are usually my first choice when I'm sick," Carla tells him.

"Sex is mine," Sirius says.

We all turn to him in disgust as one.

"What?" he asks. "Have you ever tried having sex when you feel like shit? I can guarantee you that as long as you're not the one doing the work you will feel better even if only for half an hour."

I roll my eyes. "Sleep is probably the better option,"

"Suit yourself," he sulks. "But I am actually filled with lots of genius ideas you're all just too narrow minded to give it any proper go,"

Remus pats him on the shoulder. "If that's what helps you sleep at night mate, then sure."

Instead of getting annoyed which he normally would have Sirius smiles. "Was that a joke Moony?"

Remus blushes slightly which only makes Sirius hoot in glee.

"Dumbledore may never get rid of us, this place has healing components or something,"

"You're a bit special aren't you Padfoot," Remus says.

Sirius beams. "Thanks Moony,"

Remus half smiles as he gathers his things and stands, ready to follow the students to the grounds.

"It wasn't a compliment."

He leaves Sirius gob smacked and the rest of us in a light mood.

"I think you might have a point about the healing powers," I tell Sirius as I take Lily's hand and begin to lead her out. "Might have to work on your genius theory though."

I don't hear his reply I'm too focused on the warm hand in mind, the beautiful girl it belongs to and the feeling in my chest that I'm getting more and more accustomed too; hope.

"So, General, excited about today?" Lily asks squeezing my hand.

"If I'm the General does this mean you're my soldier…that you take my orders?"

Her eyes twinkle. "You can give the orders Potter…guess you'll just have to wait until tonight to see if I'll follow."

I feel myself stiffen instantly and let a low growl out.

"Let's go find out now,"

She pats my cheek. "We have class to teach Professor, keep your hands to yourself and focus."

I groan. "You're just going to leave me like this?"

She winks, pats my arse and then saunters off towards the students, deliberately strutting so that her body curves and twirls as she walks.

God I loved that woman and after I taught these little punks how to fix themselves up… I was going to show her how much.

LILY

"Ok settle down!" James yells out to the chattering crowd.

It takes a few more tries but eventually the excitement and buzz settles down.

"The students that were doing first aid with Professor Lupin please step forward."

A group of fifteen kids shuffle forward.

"Awesome, you're the Prefects today, each of you is going to be assigned to a group of kids and help them with anything they may be finding trouble with. Professor Lupin will help you find your own little groups if you just follow his lead,"

"Have you seen Alice yet?" Frank asks me and I take my focus away from James.

"Not yet, I'm sure she'll be here soon."

He bites his lip. "I don't know. It's just so unlike her to be like this."

"She is sick," I point out.

"I've seen her sick before she doesn't… she doesn't get mean when she's sick?"

He has my full attention now. "Mean?"

He looks away; ashamed. "You're right… she's just not feeling well… forget I said anything."

I try to find words to comfort him when I notice a figure heading our way.

"Look, there she is," I whisper. "See? She's probably thrown it all up and is feeling better now."

He tries to smile but it doesn't stick.

As soon as Alice reaches us I gasp quietly. She looks awful.

There are black rings under her eyes, her skin is pale and clammy, her eyes are blood shot and her whole body is quaking.

"Oh love, you don't look so good, you should go back to bed," Frank says, trying to gauge her temperature with his hand.

She smacks his hand away. "I don't need to look like a supermodel to be competent in teaching,"

"Of course not, I wasn't saying-"

"What were you saying then? Other then I repulse you?" she snaps.

"You don't!" he exclaims. "You're the most beautiful woman in the world to me, I'm just worried about you!"

"Well don't! You just worry about yourself, I don't need anyone's help,"

She stalks away from us and my mouth drops open.

"Wow, I know what you're saying about being mean. That was incredible! She's never been like that!"

Frank looks devastated. "I shouldn't have told her she didn't look good."

"Oh no, you were just trying to look out for her," I assure him.

"Worked out fabulously didn't it?" he mutters and turns away, a clear indication our conversation is over.

I sigh and glance over at Alice who looks ready to throw up or pass out.

What the hell was going on here?

Two hours in and everything is running smoothly. No one has needed real assistance, Alice hasn't snapped at anyone else, Sirius had refrained from Sex Ed and Remus had worked himself up a pretty decent fan club.

"Good start wouldn't you say?" James asks as he nudges me.

"Can't really complain," I say with a smile.

"You hungry?" he asks.

"Not really, why?"

"I thought maybe we could skip lunch and just do dessert,"

I chuckle. "Behave yourself,"

"This is behaving," he winks and moves off to help a guy with conjuring a stretcher.

I walk over to see Carla teaching a small group of boys the proper way to tie a tourniquet and the dangers to limbs in having one on for too long.

"Miss, you've been really informative and everything, but I was just wondering; since we're meant to be _living_ this situation don't you think it would be better if you were in a nurse out fit?"

Carla flushes. "We're here to focus on first aid, not pick up lines."

"I'm not trying to be disrespectful I'm just trying to tell you that you have a banging body and if this was a real war if you had that outfit on I'm sure it would ease some of the patients."

"Let's just focus on the tourniquet alright?"

The idiot moves closer to Carla so he's almost brushing up against her breasts.

"Do you think I could practice tying you up?"

I'm about to yell at the little prick to watch his mouth when the next moment he's been knocked off his feet and lays sprawling on the ground cradling a heavily bleeding nose.

My eyes open in surprise. How the hell? No one had even hit him?  
"See? Had you been paying attention instead of ogling your instructor here you'd know how to bandage your nose or even stop the bleeding…guess we'll have to let you bleed out."

I turn to Sirius who has is wand casually swinging in his hand; his eyes alight with fury.

"You can't hit a student!" the boy cries.

Sirius shrugged. "This is out of school hours boy and let me remind you that a blood nose is nothing to what awaits you in the real world with that mouth of yours."

"My father won't be pleased about this!"

Sirius lunges forward so he's nose to nose with the kid. "That you failed your course? Because if I remember correctly if you mess up you fail half your grade. Now judging from your behaviour I doubt you'd ace the written so I'm guessing you'll be doing another year. Daddy will be so pleased."

It looks like he is going to argue again but with one look from Sirius he shuts up and turns his face away.

"Much better. Here, you. Clean him up will you?"

He throws a ball of bandages to the boy next to him and strides away back to his little group.

"Wow, he's like…so hot when he's angry," a blonde girl giggled.

Carla rolled her eyes. "Back to work everyone, the shows over!"

Everyone works peacefully for another hour. We progress from showing how to heal wounds temporarily, reversing some curses, stopping bleeding with spells and bandages, to creating sturdy and flexible stretches and how to numb the area with spells in case an emergency stitching or surgery is needed.

"What if you don't have a wand with you?" a fifth year asks me.

"Then you revert back to your basic training with using shirts, trees, pretty much anything you can get your hands on to do the job until you can gain access to better medical things."

"And what do you do if you see the enemy bleeding out?" A Slytherin drawls. "Do you know how to make the bleeding go faster?"

A Hufflepuff boy growls. "Why would you even ask a question like that you idiot?"

"It's a valid question isn't it? Clearly people will be getting hurt in this war, I just think we should have all the limitations of magic."

The Hufflepuff boy lunges and punches the boy in the nose. "It's thinking like that and people like you that are the reason people are dying out there!"

The Slytherin wipes the blood away hastily. "Then I guess we know which side is going to be winning and which one of us will be bleeding out in the street."

It starts then the flashes of light as spells zip across the field; screams, yelling and chaos everywhere.

We manage to calm the crowd down, putting everyone out of harm's way with protection spells and stopping the majority of students from interfering with the duel but there are so many students and only so much we can do.

I watch as the boys, now joined with a couple of mates each, clumsily shoot curses at each other and my first thought it how under trained they really are.

"We have to stop this," Remus yells, working hard to push some of the other boys away from the fight.

"I say we let them knock each other out," Sirius snarls. "Teach the little idiot's a lesson."

"I say this is bullshit,"

I snap my gaze over to Alice who with her last remark goes running head first into the quarrel.

I'm terrified that she's going to get hit by a stray curse or that her intervention will lead to someone seriously getting injured but instead she creates a barrier between each boy so their spells bounce of uselessly and then perhaps unnecessarily lifts them both into the air then slams them unceremoniously onto the ground.

"You," she snarls at the boy closest to her. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

He stares at her, open mouthed.

"I asked you a question! Do you have a girlfriend?"

He nods quickly.

"Well, she's dead."

A gasp of horror rises from the crowd.

"S-she's right there," he manages to stutter, pointing to a sickly looking blonde.

"No," she says. "This was real life not the sugar coated reality you live in? She'd be dead due to your stupidity. You," she singles another guy out with a lazy smirk on his face.

"Yes beautiful?"

"First of all, shut up. Second of all. These your buddies sitting next to you?"

She indicates the three guys sitting near him.

He shrugs. "We hang out,"

"You just got their parents a coffin sent to their house,"

His smirk instantly fades.

"Alice…" I begin hesitantly, trying to regain control of the situation.

She silences me with a single look then turns back to the kids around her.

"We're not here to show you a good time, this whole exercise isn't just a fun day in the park. Wake. Up. This is war and to be honest? It's pretty likely if things continue this way it's going to be lost. Do you want to die? Do you want your loved ones to die?"

Everyone shakes their heads fervently.

"Then. Grow. Up! Do you think this is a joke? We're doing you a favour here by trying to prepare you. It's really as simple as this; you want to live or you don't. You want to have kids grow up in a healthy, safe environment? Then start paying attention. You pull a prank like that outside of Hogwarts? You're dead. Brutal but the truth. I've watched good friends of mine die, I've seen body parts blasted across the room and the life leave someone's eyes. That the life you want? Get your shit together or get out. No one is forcing you to be here so you can either decide this is worthwhile or you can leave but if you're going to leave then do so now."

She waits and silence is her only response.

"Good. This is your first and only warning, you start a fight, you take this as just a game and I will personally see to it that you get a first hand look at what's going on outside of your bubble."

She turns to the boys that have been giving Carla trouble all day.

"We won't be mocked, we won't be walked over and I'll be damned if we're not treated with the same respect as you would give your Professors here. Are we clear on that?"

Grudgingly the boys nod at her.

She conveys the crowd with a shrewd expression and then slowly she begins to smile.

"Great. Glad we had this little chat. Shall we continue after lunch?"

Clumsily the students scramble to get to their feet and practically run back to the castle.

Alice just shrugs to herself as though her little melt down never happened.

"Frank, I'm starving, are you coming?"

He scrambles just as fast as the kids did.

James grabs my arm and pulls me aside. "What the hell has gotten into Alice?"

I watch her walking hand in hand with Frank, now a big smile on her face.

"I have no idea."


	77. Chapter 77

Hey!

I felt on a roll this time so I got this chapter for you out quickly and it might even be one of my longest :) Grammar will probably be terrible as i was so excited about writing it so quickly I didnt want to risk re reading and then getting annoyed and not posting it.

Such over whelming support for the last chapter so to; .x, Lady-DeLaLuna, The DA is dressed to the nines. harrypotterforever24, lynnnnyl, life gives you lemons, mussyca23, ravenclawlupin11, owugirl10, loona22, jacki james criss potter, crook-spanks, anyotherway, kiayame-san, mysticrox123.

You are so so great and really it means so much to me. I say it all the time but the meaning doesn't lessen. Thank you. You are so special to me,

Sending lots of love your way,

xxx

* * *

JAMES

Day five and I was still as fucking pumped as day one.

Apart from the little first aid debacle everything else had gone smoothly; it seemed that Alice's melt down had scared the pants off all the trouble makers and everyone was making an effort to if not excel then at least be respectful enough to give it a go.

Today I was especially pumped because after knocking down first aid, herbology, defensive spells, and tactical pursuit we were now moving on to secure campsites which meant we were also staying the night and since we had to make sure the students had prepared their sites properly we were having our own tents away from theirs so at random intervals we could test them.

This meant I could plan a romantic night for me and Lily and by sound proofing our tent and putting up my own precautions I wouldn't have to worry about any interruptions. More specifically I was going to schedule Sirius and Carla on a different scouting mission than us so my main interruptor wouldn't be a problem.

I grinned to myself at the prospect.

"What's the big smile for?" Lily asked, kissing my shoulder.

"I'm just thinking about camping with you the _right_ way,"

She hits my shoulder playfully. "You're out of control lately! I'm not a machine you know. I do need _some_ sleep to function."

I pull her down onto my lap. "One hour seems reasonable right?"

She blushes and tweaks my nose. "Down boy, you do realise we're in the middle of breakfast right? The students are starting to stare."

I grab her arse. "Sirius is right, a little sex ed never hurt anybody."

She clucks her tongue in impatience. "This may just be some fun for you and Sirius but I'm hoping to do a good enough job here so that they invite me back to teach after the war."

I beam at her with pride.

"What? What's the look for?"

I shrug. "That's just the first time you have ever made a mention of the future after the war like it's some tangible possibility."

"Isn't it though?"

I pull her close and kiss her full on the mouth in the most inappropriate way possible.

"Your therapist would be so proud."

She smacks me across the chest. "Oh shut up!"

"Oh get a room! You're making me sick over here!"

I lean over Lily to look at Sirius. "You're just jealous that we're diverting attention from you."

He sniffs in disdain which is as good of a yes as I'll get.

"Do you really have to taunt him?" Remus asks without raising his head to meet my gaze.

"Darling you know I'm just trying to toughen our little man up,"

Remus looks up and he's grinning. "He's so sensitive though,"

"Which is why you need to stop coddling him!"

"I'm right here and I'm not a child!" Sirius exclaims.

Remus shakes his head. "See? You've upset him, we're going to have to get him those self esteem classes again."

"He just needs a good beating," I say sternly. "Let me take him out back and I'll bring him back a man!"

Remus gasps in mock horror actually launching across to barricade Sirius' body with his own.

"Not my baby! You monster!"

Sirius pushes him away in disgust, grabs Carla by the arm and begins to storm away.

"I'll be waiting on the grounds for your apologies!"

As much hell as I know I'm going to cop for this later, as much as it's going to kill me to listen to Sirius bitch about how we don't appreciate him; one look at Remus and his bright eyes and laughing, care free face and it's completely worth it and then some.

"God I missed this place," Remus says quietly, a ghost of a laugh still on his face.

Lily leans back so her head rests on the curve of my shoulder. "I think it's more how we all are _in_ this place. I miss seeing us all like kids again,"

I pinch her cheeks. "Don't worry love, you don't look a day over twelve,"

Lily gets off my lap and starts to saunter away. "Far too young for camp site fun then."

"I take it back!" I scream back across the hall at her.

She just waves back and continues walking; Alice on her heels.

"I think I just miss _us_," Remus says to me. "Just like this but without Lily trying to kill you and Sirius trying to bed every girl that walks past."

I clap him on the shoulder. "Get used to it mate, I think we're back to stay."

Remus gives me the brightest, most genuine smile ever. "I'm starting to believe that just might be possible."

I pull him up with me. "Come one Moony, let's go change some lives."

He chuckles. "Living the dream right?"

"Absolutely!"

"Settle down and get in line," I shout and all the students grow quiet. "Thank you, now I'm going to pass you onto Carla who's going to outline what you're going to be learning today."

Carla steps forward and I fight back a smile at the look on Sirius's face as more than a few guys sigh longingly.

"Alright everyone, as much as sleeping in a warm, comfy bed is the ideal way of rest it's also not always possible in war which is why I cannot stress the importance of a well set camp site. Today we will focus on two different aspects, how to prepare a tent you have already set up for war; this means you will have a few more luxuries as your tent is pre made and you will have had the time to dress it in whatever way you want. The second aspect is when you're on the run and you have nothing but your wand with you. In this case you will need to know how to fashion a tent for yourself in a secure location that is going to keep you warm, dry and allow the rest you'll need.

Now, we will also we going through how to sound proof your campsite, make it invisible from intruder's and if you can manage it how to set up a large perimeter so that if someone crosses one of the lines you can get a few minutes warning to pack your shit up and get to safety. Everyone with me so far?"

The group murmured in agreement.

"Fantastic."

"Can my group from the first day please step forward?"

A small group of twelve kids cluster around Carla and she beams at them broadly.

"You have a challenge. I'm going to let you pick your own team; you must have a person from each house in your team though and you are only allowed two friends. Once you have picked your teams you're going to find an instructor each and learn all the basic skills in setting up and protecting your own campsite. Once you feel competent enough there's going to be a little competition."

She definitely has their attention now as they shuffle closer to make sure they don't miss one word.

"Prefects; your team captain. You will take your team, find your own camp ground and then set it all up using the knowledge you've gained. Tonight the instructors and I are going to test each of your campsites for weakness. Whomever impresses us the most and delivers the safest camp will receive three points each to their house."

The kids whoop in excitement. For some this is just what they need to contribute to their house, to prove they belong and they have qualities to offer.

"What does the worst camp site get?" A fidgety blonde asks.

Carla looks over at her kindly. "The knowledge that they failed, and in reality that would have cost their lives. I think that's punishment enough don't you think?"

She nods and moves back to blend into the crowd.

"Alright, let's get this sorting over and done with and then the fun stuff can begin!"

My group is a mixture, Carla's rules of who was to be chosen had definitely resulted in even teams and although there was a bit of hostility between some of the students at least there wasn't a Alpha pack to target any of the other's or have any unfair advantage.

"Alright," I begin. "Pre made tent, what are you going to make sure you have?"

"A comfy bed."

"Shower."

"Magazines."

"Games to play."

I scoff in disgust. "You're in a war and this is what you're making essential? No. You need to be more practical."

Jace, one of Lily's previous students raises his hand. "A radio?"

A few students snicker.

"No, don't make fun of him, that's a great idea. If this war is a large scale, there might be valuable updates un the radio that you can gain access to. What else?"

"First aid kit?"

"Brilliant! You're on the right track now."

"What about food supplies?"

"And extra clothes?

"Extra wands?"

I beam in pride. "Fantastic. That is exactly the right things. You were right the first time though, comfortable bedding when you can manage it can definitely improve your rest which you will need as much as you can get."

"Would you be allowed a bathroom sir?"

I smile. "My wife would insist on it."

"To make sure she looked good?"

I glare at the boy. "So when she's fixing anyone up she has a sterile environment to do it in and warm water to wash the wounds."

He has the good grace to look ashamed.

After going through how to stock a proper first aid kit and the appropriate bedding and even the very few luxuries you may be allowed I show them Lily and my 'emergency' tent.

"Oh wow," Bella gasps as she walks in ahead of the group. "This looks amazing."

I can't help but feel a bit smug. Lily designed the whole thing and really, it's pretty amazing.

The size of a large house it has hidden passageways in case we were compromised, a library filled with books on poisonous plants, magical creatures and medical procedures. The bedroom has a double bed with an exit underneath that leads out the back, there are two bath rooms, one Lily uses purely for whenever Sirius injures himself as he's the worst patient and requires the most care.

We have portraits of all our family and friends on the walls to create a personal touch.

Then of course there's our room purely filled with weapons and targets; Lily's favourite room for letting off steam.

One of the boys whistles upon seeing the room. "This place is a thing of beauty."

"I can't take the credit. My wife organised the whole thing; she's very into making sure you prepare for everything."

"Hot and smart, you hit the jack pot man."

I push back the urge to smack him over the head. "I know. Well, now you've seen what it should look like and you know how you should start preparing your own tent we can move onto what to do when you're not as fortunate to have the time to bring your own fort."

I lead them out and bring them back to meet up with Lily's group out side.

"Mrs Potter your emergency tent is freaking amazing," Bella tells Lily. "You did such a good job!"

Lily smiles. "Showed them the fort huh?"

"They were very impressed with your decorating skills."

Lily shrugged. "It's what I do."

"I was just about to teach the kids how to make their own shelter when on the run, you want to join forces?"

Lily puts her hands on her hips. "You trying to break the rules again?"

"I created the rules love so I don't think it's possible to break any."

Lily rolls her eyes. "Ok Casanova. I guess we can combine our teaching skills."

"Team work makes the dream work," I say lightly.

Lily elbows my chest then addresses the students.

"Ok so when you're on the run sometimes all you have is the clothes on your back and your wand, this means you're going to have to learn to be pretty resourceful with what you have available. I want to see where you're all at so we're going to head further into the forest and I want you all to try and create your own shelter and then I'll give you tips. Let's go."

We take them a little way into the forest and then after a few tips just leave them to their own devices.

"It's going pretty well huh?" I say to Lily as we watch them actually work as a team to work out the best way to go about it all.

"They're pretty amazing," Lily replies and then she turns to me. "You're pretty amazing."

"Oh I am?" I ask nonchalantly.

"Yes big head, you are."

I grab her around the waist and pull her to me. "You're pretty amazing yourself."

She turns so her back is pressed against my chest, resting her head back onto my shoulder. "I feel really positive about the future of these kids. There's a change coming; I can feel it and I just know it's going to end in a happily ever after."

I rub her shoulders and press a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm liking this new positive you Lil, you're practically glowing."

Lily groans. "Cheesiest line ever! Come on Romeo, let's go see how our pupils are doing."

LILY

Pride. I'm over whelmed by it. Even though I'm only a couple years older than these students I feel like they could be my children in a way and I'm watching them succeed beyond my wildest imaginations. Today I've seen our group go from not even knowing what to pack for war to successfully constructing their own shelter as well as the correct spells to keep them hidden and safe.

It's an insurmountable joy I feel as I watch them all beaming at each other, talking excitedly about what they've learnt and accomplished as they eat their dinner over the camp fire.

"Makes you feel like you've made a difference in the world doesn't it?" Alice asks, coming to stand next to me.

I lean my head on her shoulder. "It certainly does."

"It's definitely gone a lot smoother than I anticipated."

I nudge her playfully. "I think you're little show on day one scared everyone into behaving. Who knew you were so tough!"

Alice blushes deeply. "Oh god, I've been so awful! I'm so sorry I don't know what's wrong with me my emotions are just everywhere at the moment. I know I'm being such a cow but I can't help it…and poor Frank, I'll be divorced before Christmas at this rate!"

I look over to discover she's started to sob uncontrollably, I cradle her in my arms for support.

"Hey, that's never going to happen. Frank loves you more than anything in this world, he's worried more than anything else."

"Maybe it's all just catching up to me… I'm p-probably just going to end up in a loony bin."

I grab her firmly. "That's enough talk like that Mrs Longbottom! You are just exhausted from all this craziness we've experienced. It's to be expected. We'll take you to see a doctor after this vacation is sorted and they will confirm what I'm telling you right now ok? I promise."

She nods, wiping at her tears. "Sorry, I never used to cry this much."

I shrug. "I never used to tolerate James Potter…look how the mighty have fallen."

That gets a little cough I can only interpret as a laugh, out of her.

"You want to get something to eat?"

She wipes the remaining tears away. "Yeah, it's weird I just ate but I'm still pretty hungry."

I nod in understanding. "Crying always does that to me too."

She squeezes my hand. "You're the best friend, really. Thank you for always being so wonderful."

I wave her thanks away. "I'm just doing whatever you'd do for me Al, now go get something before the boys take it all."

She shoots me a bright smile. "Aren't you eating?"

"I'll join you shortly."

She skips off and I lean against the tree for support. Why the hell was I suddenly feeling light headed? Sympathy pain for Alice? Yeah. That must be it.

"Found you."

I immediately stiffen and plaster a smile on my face. "I wasn't hiding,"

James wraps his arms around my waist, smiling at me. "You're missing the feast…we have sausages, eggs and bread,"

I drop my mouth in mock admiration. "No. Way. Spoilt tonight aren't we?"

James steps away so he can bow. "Only the best for my woman!"

"You did explain that they probably won't be fortunate enough to get that stuff when they're on the run right?"

"Of course I did. I just figured they could use a treat for all their hard work."

I nod. "They have been really great."

"Aww Mama bear getting attached to her cubs?"

I smack his chest. "Shut up."

"No, I know what you mean though. It's so… inspiring seeing them adapt to these new conditions and rise above it all. Makes you feel hopeful for the future."

I nod. "Definitely does. Come on, why don't you get me some of that four star cuisine you were talking about."

He takes my hand and leads me over to where everyone is gathered around a large camp fire, sits me down next to Carla then piles my plate high with food.

"Whoa, are you trying to fatten me up or something?" I ask,

He winks. "More cushion for the pushin'"

I roll my eyes and dig into the food.

It's delicious.

"We did a pretty good job huh?" Jace asks.

I turn to him in surprise. "_You_ cooked this?"

He nods. "Yeah, Sirius and Frank brought us the food and told us we had to figure out how to prepare it ourselves. I think we did pretty good."

I beam. "You all have done fantastic."

Jace flushes with pride. "This has been the best week of my life. Thanks for you know… being so cool. It's gonna suck when you all have to go back."

He hurries off and leaves me there stunned

Carla chuckles. "I think you've got an admirer there."

"Don't be silly," I scold her.

She just smiles smugly. "Our little Lily, still breaking hearts. Better make sure James doesn't get wind of this."

I push her shoulder lightly. "Oh stop it. I haven't had anyone tell me to wear a nurse uniform."

Carla scoffs. "I have bigger boobs than you, that's all their seeing. Not how pretty or caring or wonderful I am."

"Oh whatever, you're all of those things."

She smiles and looks over at Sirius. "Only to him."

Before I can reply James voice booms across the camp.

"Alright everyone, start getting yourselves settled into the tents and sites your groups created before. I know you may not be tired but the test isn't over. Tonight we're going to test how well you've absorbed the information. Each one of your instructors will take turns patrolling tonight, we will test your camps at random intervals. This means you must have two people awake at all times to reinforce the protection and listen out for any dangers. We clear?"

They all murmur and groan in reply and then slowly they head off in pairs, three's, fours until it's just our little group left.

"So, how are we going to work this out boss?" Sirius asks James.

"Well we should give them a good hour before we test anything so does anyone want to go first?"

Remus raises his hand. "I'll go first,"

"We'll go next," Alice volunteers as Frank nods.

"We'll go last, if that's ok with you," Sirius says. "Can't guarantee I'll be able to pull myself away from this little fox any earlier."

As one we all groan.

"What? At least I'm honest."

"Well how about you take your honesty and your little fox back to your camp and give us all a break from your sex show?" James suggests.

Sirius salutes him. "Don't have to tell me twice, come on beautiful."

Carla, slightly red trails behind him.

"Well, we might head to bed too," Frank says, not taking his eyes off Alice. "Alice could do with a bit more rest."

James nods and waves them away. "Of course, of course. We'll probably try and get some rest too."

"I'm going to stay here for a bit and just enjoy the woods," Remus says. "If that's ok."

"You don't need my permission Moony," James tells him gently. "You do whatever you need to do."

Remus smiles gratefully and then strolls away, Alice and Frank go in the opposite direction to their camp and then it's just James smiling at me like I'm the only thing in the world.

"You want to head in?" He asks. "No strings attached I swear, I'll just give you a massage and you can rest for a couple hours."

I move forward and peck him on the lips. "You're the best."

He winks. "Keep that in mind the next time I piss you off."

It's three a.m by the time it's James and my turn to patrol and my pride for the students grows as the majority of their camps are undetectable and we even spy a couple students in the trees trying to get a better range.

"We did good," James whispers to me as he nods to a decoy camp site.

I smile. "This could be it, this could be what helps us win this war. We should keep this education up, I know they're young but everyone has a right to defend themselves."

"I know love, it's just going to be getting the parents to agree to this,"

"Agree to a way to save their children's lives?" I snap.

"Shh, we're meant to be incognito remember?"

"Sorry," I say lowering my voice. "It's just… I can't understand why _anyone_ would object to this."

James shrugs. "There will always be people who let fear and ignorance ruin a chance for a better future."

I sigh. "I pray for a world where that's not the case."

James takes my hand. "I'm praying right there with you, love."

"Should we head back?" I whisper. "We've been out nearly two hours now."

"I think we have sufficiently proven our teaching skills aren't completely hopeless."

I grin. "Or maybe the students are just great themselves?"

"I prefer my theory better."

I chuckle. "Alright big head, let's get back."

We're almost back to camp when we hear them. Softly at first but slowly getting louder as we approach.

"Should we bust them?" I whisper to James.

James looks over at the guy who has the girl backed against a tree, his hand shaking at he brushes the hair away from her eyes.

God only knew how long the poor guy had been dreaming about this moment.

I watch James and judging from the look on his face he sympathises with the boy.

"Nah, let them have their fairytale if only for the night."

"You know we are supposed to be making this as realistic as possible?" I say gently. "Realistically, this would get them killed."

He squeezes my hand. "Without love there's nothing to live for love,"

My chest feels like it's about to explode. "I love you so much James."

He presses his lips against mine in response pouring as much love and passion as he can.

"Should we head back?" I whisper between each kiss I place on his neck.

Figuring he'll stick with his 'actions speak louder than words' he throws me over his shoulder and begins to sprint back to the camp site.

"Careful where you're running," I giggle. "You don't want to trip and send us both sprawling; you know our history with camping trips isn't all fun and games."

"No you see that's the past, we're re writing our luck this time love. This time 'round at Hogwarts I get the girl and we get a happily ever after." He says smugly.

"What happens when we get back to the real world?" I barely whisper.

He stops running and slides my down his so we're face to face.

"We continue living the dream love; to me you're the dream."

I beam at him brightly. "I'm glad we got to go back and do it right,"

James grins and puts me over his shoulder again. "Tent time is much better than broken bones for sure."

"Wakey wakey, ARGH NAKED BODIES!"

"Sirius!" I shrieked, unable to find any clothes to cover my body so instead curling myself into a ball as tiny as possible.

Sirius goes a deep scarlet and turns his back to me. "I saw nothing! I just thought I'd wake you for breakfast; the students made us food without us even prompting them and Prongs is needed for the flying aspect."

James rubs his eyes and calmly turns to me. "What are you doing beautiful?"

"Find me some clothes!" I snap. "Sirius is at the door."

"Sirius? What?"

Finally gaining his bearings James jumps into actions covering my whole body with his.

"What did you see?" he yells at Sirius.

"Nothing! Nothing I swear!"

"What are you even doing here!"

"Breakfast, flying lessons, your whole training plan… you sorta need to be there for that."

"Give us ten goddamn minutes and we'll be out," James snaps.

"Alright, alright," Sirius says and rushes to leave.

I cover my face with my hands. "Oh god, I'm so embarrassed."

"First of all you have nothing to be embarrassed about and secondly, I can guarantee you he will never mention this again especially if he wants to keep Carla from cutting his balls off."

My face feels hot. "I will never be able to look him in the eye again!"

James takes my hands from my face and kisses them tenderly. "It's going to be like it never happened love, I promise. Now let's make sure there's still some breakfast left, going to need all your energy for flying."

I groan. "I thought I was just going to supervise and you'll be teaching."

He raises an eyebrow. "Supervising from the ground?"

"Well if anyone falls I'll be there," I try to reason.

"That's what the cushion is for but nice try, come on we're wasting precious time."

"Ok," James says as he walks backwards and forwards in front of the students. "The first thing you need to have to be successful in the air is confidence. As strange as it sounds your brooms can sense fear and if you do not show ownership you will not succeed."

"Sir, how are we meant to be confident when we're fifty feet in the air and one slip could mean our deaths?"

James points to Alice and Remus. "You won't have to worry about that, not only will we have protective padding on the grounds below you but Alice and Remus will be on the ground to ensure your safety."

"Are we just going to be playing Quidditch or what?" Lockwood drawls.

James regards him with contempt. "No. We're going to start with learning control of your broom; once you've mastered that you're going to learn how to control dives, accelerate safely and then finally multitask with dodging curses whilst casting your own all the while being in control of your broom, your speed and your direction. Prefects of flying step forward please."

The group of twenty kids gather around James.

"Alright, take a group of students each and show them how to get their broom up and running."

"You ready to conquer the sky?" James whispers to me after we've all practiced getting comfortable on our brooms for an hour.

"I'd be much happier on the ground with Alice," I retort.

"Not an option,"

"You're a slave driver," I sulk.

"You'll thank me one day, all this practice is going to get your body so attuned to flying all our children will come out on brooms; ready to win the world cup."

I scoff. "You'll say anything to get me in the air."

"It's a good skill to have," he tells me firmly. "I wouldn't be teaching the next generation this if it wasn't."

"I know," I admit grudgingly. "I just don't want to embarrass myself up there."

He cups my chin in his hands. "Stick by me, I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"You can't have eyes in the back of your head. How are you meant to watch everything going on?"

"I have instincts for everything else, so I only need to have my eyes on you."

I try hard not to smile. "Cheesy but sweet."

"I'll see you up there," he tells me and then kicks off; soaring high into the air.

_You can do this._ I tell myself before bracing my knees and then kicking off.

"I think you'll find it's a lot safer if you keep your eyes open," Sirius tells me.

I open them a bit to squint at his amused face. "Then I would have to see how high I am."

"But if you keep them closed you won't be able to see where you're going," he reasons.

I feel my body start to shake and I'm immediately pissed off at myself for being so weak.

It isn't until I feel warm hands on my hips that I even realise Sirius is still there.

It takes him three seconds and then I'm on his broom with him, his strong arms acting as guard rails to keep me secure.

"Thank you so much," I whisper.

"You'll repay me another day," he replies.

I smile. "No doubt I will."

"Hold on tight," he tells me. "It's about to start."

I'm about to ask what exactly is going to start when he suddenly dives and a mock curse misses us by an inch.

"It's going to get pretty rough," he tells me. "But I'll need you to keep your eyes open so you can help me dodge any attacks and we can double up on keeping the students on their toes."

"Ok," I say after a deep breath. "I can do that."

"Duck!" he yells and then it begins again.

An hour of darting, dodging, swerving and sliding through the air and I'm actually starting to have a good time.

We're a good team Sirius and I. He acts as the muscle and I'm the eyes. I spot the curses before he even knows anyone has a wand pointed at us and he's so fast it only takes half a second for him to move us away after I call a warning.

As I take a moment to look around I notice more than half of the kids are whooping in delight as they dive away and use their new found skills to evade 'attacks'.

With all the different houses, kids and personalities it's a wonder no one has tried to be malevolent about this exercise but for the most part everyone is taking it seriously and more focused on honing their skills and staying out of the way of the darting light than causing any trouble.

It's only when James knocks Lockwood half off his broom that I can sense trouble.

Frank helps him back on and without a word of thanks Lockwood shoots a real curse at James.

James blocks it effortlessly, looking at Lockwood reproachfully.

"Try that again," James calls to him.

Lockwood hesitates.

"That's what I thought," James says coldly and turns back to help another student with their broom.

Sensing James vulnerability Lockwood chooses his moment to try again.

He's just uttered the curse when instinct kicks in and one moment I'm watching in horror as a curse heads towards James and the next moment I'm looking at Lockwood fall to the mattress on the ground; my broom having hit him with such force he lost his grip.

Sirius grabs my shoulders and shakes them in delight. "Yes! That was awesome Lily! You're better at this than you think."

I look down at Lockwood's limp form and feel horrified and stunned.

Did I really do that?

"Alright everyone." James yells. "Great work. I think we're done. Head on back down."

He flies over to me and Sirius and leans over to stroke my cheek.

"Thanks for looking out for me love."

"Always," I manage to mutter.

"He's not hurt," James assures me. "Just knocked out, which is what the little twat deserves/ Do not feel guilty. Had he pulled that shit on a mission he'd be dead and so would some of his team. This is a lesson he needed to learn."

I nod numbly and let Sirius guide us back to the ground.

As soon as I can manage it I jump to the ground, feeling at home once again on a solid surface.

I stumble slightly but as always James is there to pull me back up.

"You ok?" he asks, concern all over his face.

"Just a bit nauseous," I tell him. "I think it was the flying."

He eyes me carefully. "Ok, just sit down for a bit ok?"

"I'll look after her," Sirius tells him.

James smiles. "Careful there Padfoot, you're turning out to be a better protector of Lily than I am."

Sirius scoffs. "We're family Prongs, we all look out for each other equally."

James claps Sirius on the back. "I know mate, and I love you for it."

"You want everyone to stick to the plan we worked out?" Sirius asks James.

James nods. "Yeah, I'm just about to tell them."

"Let me, you get a good hold of your woman."

He passes me over to James gently and then whistles to get everyone's attention.

"I suggest you all rest up tonight," Sirius calls out. "Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day."

"Make sure your camp is secure before you go to bed too," James reminds them. "There is not going to be a starting time, you will not be instructed, none of us are going to hold your hands. From here on out you are on your own so keep your instincts sharp and your minds alert. I shouldn't have to tell you how important thing is."

The kids start to pale and head towards to castle.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask.

"Getting dinner," Jaxon says.

"You're going the wrong way," I tell him.

His mouth drops. "We're not getting dinner?"

"She didn't say that," James says. "She just said you're going the wrong way. You won't get gourmet meals when you're in this situation for real and if you had been paying enough attention this week you would know exactly where to find good sources of protein and nourishment in the forest."

"But what if we can't find anything?"

James shrugs. "Then that's your fault for not preparing yourself enough. I'd stop asking questions and start getting settled in if I were you, you're going to need every once of energy you can get. Class is over… it's time for war."


	78. Chapter 78

Hey guys :)

Just another quick update for you. Hopefully it meets your standards :P

To the wonderful; Lady-DeLaLuna, mykk47, jacki james criss potter, ravenclawlupin11, TWHATT18, amelia.16, lynnnnyl, xheheitssamx, loona22, life gives you lemons, owugirl10, kiayame-san, the DA is dressed to the nines.

If I could send you each a bouquet of flowers i definitely would. I really appreciate the effort you put into reading the story. Thank you a million times over!

xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

I feel completely on edge and I have to constantly remind myself every few minutes that this is all pretend; that I'm not up against death eaters I'm against students and they are not aiming to kill.

I tell myself this constantly…and not once do I believe it.

These students are children of the death eaters, some of them are the next generation of evil.

I cringe as I think of Lily who insisted we all split up to make it fair.

If she gets hurt it will be my fault for suggesting this.

What the hell was I thinking?

"Hello?"

I freeze.

"I know someone's there, show yourself!"

I sigh as the tiny voice struggles to sound brave.

So much for preparing these kids against evil; instead here's this young girl practically calling out to be found and slaughtered.

"W-where are you hiding?" she calls. "I have a wand and I can use it!"

I step out from the shadows, casually disarming her.

"Bam, you're dead,"

She's so terrified she's visibly shaking.

"Oh! Oh sir…it's just you."

I shake my head. "No, it's not a good thing to be seeing me. I'm the enemy in this challenge remember? I'm the enemy and you just got killed."

She starts to sob. "I'm so sorry!"

I sigh, picking up her wand and handing it back to her. "It's ok, I'm not saying this to be cruel. I'm trying to help you. "

"Are you going to tell Professor Dumbledore?" she whispers. "Am I going to fail?"

"No," I say gently. "But you're going to be more careful aren't you?"

She nods, wiping her tears away.

"Good. Now head off in that direction, stay in the trees for cover and do not make a sound. If you hear anyone coming near you, you find better ground so that you have the advantage over them ok?"

She nods again.

"Where's your partner?" I ask. "I thought you were all meant to be working together. You shouldn't be alone out here anyway."

She looks away. "He told me I'm useless then left me."

"What's his name?" I ask sharply, making a note to report this after.

"Lockwood, Simon Lockwood."

My blood runs cold.

Of course it was.

That boy was death. As dangerous as it was for her to be alone; if this were real she'd be much better off alone than used as his bait.

"Ok, I'll deal with him later. Hurry now and stay alert."

"Thanks professor!" she calls then runs away.

I hang my head. She'll be found in minutes she's so loud and so inexperienced.

I shake my head. I need to focus, I'm here to do a job not get caught up in my own thoughts.

I scout through the forest for another hour, I find a campsite unguarded and make note of the location only to walk right into a trap as I try to leave.

"Hey professor," one of the kids says with a friendly smile before they shoot a curse at me.

I dodge the curse and grin back. "Nice day for it isn't it?"

My curse hits their shoulder and they wince at the impact but a second later they're back and focused.

I'm about to shoot another when a curse hits the back of my shoulder.

I spin around to see what must be their partner moving out of the forest, wand raised.

"Lily told us never to be alone but always make like you look alone so that you get the upper hand," the friendly one explained.

Of course she did. That's my girl.

"Ernest shut up!" the other boy snaps. "We're meant to be taking this seriously so stop making small talk."

Ernest blushes. "Sorry!" he calls to his friend then mouths it at me as he casts another curse.

We dance around each other the three of us and I have to be honest it's actually a challenge. They paid close attention in class that's for sure. With one blocking my advances while the other attacks me I'm using twice the amount of energy they are.

I dive into the bushes just as the last curse hits the tree just above me. I resist the urge to applaud their efforts.

Not only had they kept me working the whole time but by using Lily's technique and banding together they conserved their own energy and made sure any weak spots they each may have had the other was covering.

"Great work, you should be very proud," I call to them as I summon my broom and kick off into sky, not wanting them to use all their energy on a 'duel' with me.

I fly right into an ambush and with an amused smile I block off all the spells that are immediately cast at me.

It's impressive how co ordinated they are with each other considering the amount of practice they have had and whilst they certainly did out number me eight to one I was also much faster, more experienced and knew my broom's and my own limits.

As they chased me into a dive instead of pulling up at the last moment as would be expected, I spiralled side ways so that three of the students were forced to roll off their brooms onto the ground to avoid smashing head first to their demise.

"Very creative," I call to them. "But also very stupid. You don't just sit and wait for your enemy to land in your lap, what if I had seen you before and whilst you're all waiting and anticipating the arrival of some death eaters I've gone and collected all my friends and you're just sitting ducks with no where to escape or hide to. Don't stay in plain sight, always have a backing up crew in case your front liners run into trouble. Don't let me catch you making the same mistakes again,"

They call thanks to me and then split up, hopefully to re strategise their game plan.

I'm not meant to be giving them tips, I should be firm, tough, almost cruel to show them how hard it really is but I cannot bring myself to do it. Even though this is meant to be their own mini war I want to do anything I can to make them as prepared as possible. I want them to take every bit of advice and grow stronger than they ever imagined.

I want them to win in the event that we fail.

Exhaustion starts to hit me and I'm filled with the need to find Lily, to make sure she's doing ok, to hold her close to me and gain strength from the knowledge that she's safe and we're together.

I make a hasty landing, conceal my broom in some bushes and wander around, alert and on guard for any danger whilst trying to search for the crimson red that signifies Lily.

I'm walking for maybe twenty minutes when I hear hushed voices nearby, I creep up wand raised to see a boy with sandy blonde hair laying on the ground, his bleeding leg being tended to by a petite red head.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks her quietly.

"Well if you bleed everywhere they'll pick up on our trail pretty fast and you'll probably pass out and I'm not sure I can carry you very far," she replies matter of factly, focusing on his wound still.

He puts his hand on her and she finally looks at him.

"I mean, why are you helping me? I'm Slytherin, you're Ravenclaw… why could you care if I passed out or bled out and died?"

She looks at him firmly. "Because you're on my team and even if you weren't, you're human and I don't believe Slytherin always equals evil. How does your leg feel?"

"I don't think I can walk on it," he says miserably.

She stands and he actually looks upset. "Yeah, you better keep going,"

She looks at him strangely and then gets her wand out.

The poor boy cringes and closes his eyes but she isn't planning on hurting him.

Instead she begins to weave spells here and there around them until the trees begin to twine around themselves and they are almost completely concealed from view. If it weren't for the fact that I'm standing right here I wouldn't even know there was a gap in the forest.

"What are you doing?" he asks suspiciously.

"Well, you obviously can't walk on that foot and I'm not going to leave you here for the wolves to find so I guess we're just going to wait this thing out."

"You're going to risk failing just to stay with me?" he asks incredulously.

She sits down next to him. "I doubt they'll fail us and come on, that was some impressive magic I just did I should be awarded top marks."

"Impressive," the boy whispers and I know by that tone that he's looking at her when he says it.

The girl doesn't reply and I'm sure she's blushing.

"Hey, thanks for this. Helping me, being so good about taking care of my injury, not complaining when we got paired together…it really means a lot to me."

"It's ok, I didn't mind doing it," she whispers back.

"Do you want to maybe… hang out?"

She laughs. "Right now?"

"No, when we finish this whole thing and get back to reality… do you want to go out then?"

"Oh sure, we can go riding unicorns or something,"

"No, I'm serious."

Her voice hardens. "What will your friends say?"

"I don't care about that," he says impatiently. "I want to get to know you. I like you, you're a good person and I want to spend more time with you…without you having to look after me."

"You don't care that I'm…not completely pure blood?"

"You have a pure heart," he says firmly. "That's all I need to know."

Zane. The Slytherin boy reminds me of Zane.

I need air. I need to get away from these kids and I need to find Lily so this aching in my chest stops.

It doesn't ever get better. The pain of losing someone. That whole 'time makes all the difference' line is bullshit. It will still kill you twenty years later, it's just you've found some positive things to focus on so you're not wallowing in the pain constantly like you did in the beginning.

Once I've stopped running I realise it was stupid of me. I've made far too much noise and I'm now disoriented I can't get my bearings.

I lean my head against a near by tree. Please let this day go fast.

"Hey professor? Think fast!"

I see the curse coming towards me too late and I know without having proof that it's not a mock curse. That it's aimed to hurt me. Perhaps even kill.

I sigh and close my eyes praying it's not going to kill me and that I'll be the only casualty in our 'war.'

I wait…and wait but nothing comes.

When I open my eyes Lily is slumped on the floor in front of me; her eyes open but dull, red spreading out from underneath her.

She's not moving.

I look up at Lockwood's horrified expression and I see red.

I'm going to kill him.

Nothing fake about it.

LILY

Pain.

It's all through my body.

Argh. What the hell?

Did I get hit by a train or something?

I open my eyes and I want to cry because I know exactly where I am and I _hate_ that I'm here.

"How are you feeling?" Alice asks from the bed next to me.

"Oh damn! My first chance to prove myself again and I'm back in the goddamned hospital wing!"

Alice checks to see if anyone's looking or coming and then darts off her bed and crawls onto mine. I make room for us both and cover her in my blanket.

"What happened? Where's James? Is everyone ok?"

"Oh well…" she's avoiding my eyes and I know something's wrong.

James isn't dead is he? I took the full blast of the curse right?

Right?

"Alice, start talking," I demand.

She keeps her eyes fixed on her finger tips and slowly begins.

"Lockwood tried to curse James, you blocked it from hitting him… from what I understand you looked like you may be dead and James just lost it. He went after Lockwood, made a real show of taunting him…by the time Sirius could intervene, Lockwood had lost a lot of blood and James was just watching him bleed on the ground calmly."

Shit. I've done it again. Gotten James hurt and in trouble.

"Is James ok? Where is he?"

Alice goes red. "He's uh… he's in the dungeon. He's in a lot of trouble for what he did… Dumbledore's doing his best to keep him out of Azkaban but Lockwood's dad is some hot shot politician and is calling for James' head."

I think I'm going to throw up…or faint. Maybe both.

"Are you ok?" Alice asks, her hands fluttering around me as she tries to figure out what she should be doing.

"All I ever do is make his life more difficult," I say trying hard to hold back the tears.

"No! No, Lily that's not true ok? You can't help that James loves you more than anything and would do anything for you. Lockwood's curse would have killed you, you know."

"Why didn't it?" I whisper.

"I saw what was happening and tried to use a shielding charm to bounce the curse off but I was so tired…and the energy it took to create it well… I passed out before it could be completely effective."

"Are you ok?" I ask, just noticing how pale her skin in…how sick she's begun looking lately.

She shrugs. "I don't really know, doctor's are doing some tests and I'm meant to have a meeting with someone later to figure it all out."

I squeeze her hand. "It's probably just exhaustion."

She doesn't believe me. I'm not even sure I believe it.

"Hello my little flower! How are you feeling?"

I jump at Sirius's booming voice.

"Sirius you scared me!" Alice squeaks.

"Moi?" he asks innocently. "How is that even possible? Wait, did you see my angelic face and feel like you were heading towards the light?"

I pull a face as Alice chuckles and Sirius pulls the hospital chair right near the bed, laying his feet on the end of the bed.

"Mrs Longbottom?" A nurse asks, she definitely doesn't look like she's from Hogwarts and my worry peaks.

"That's me," Alice says, slipping out of the bed.

The nurse nods. "You need to come with me… the doctor's waiting."

"Can't you just tell me the results now?" she asks hopefully.

The nurse shakes her head. "It would be better done in person."

Oh shit. That's usually bad right?

Alice nods bravely. "Oh, of course. Well, I guess I'll see you guys later?"

"Soon," Sirius affirms. "We will see you soon and we'll all be laughing about this whole thing in no time."

Alice forces a shaky smile and then let's the nurse lead her out.

"Ahh déjà vu this, isn't it Evans?" Sirius says, making himself comfortable.

"I'm not Evans anymore remember?" I say, tiredly.

"Well, you certainly haven't progressed very far from your actions back then til now."

I close my eyes as the tears start to break.

"Oh whoa…shit Lily I was just kidding, please don't cry…Prongs will kill me when he finds out."

At the mere mention of James I sob louder.

Sirius makes a strangled sound then warm arms are wrapped around my shoulders.

"Hey, he's going to be ok. I promise you I'm not going to let anyone take him away, in fact it's looking pretty likely he'll be here and fussing over you in no time."

"H-how," I cry as I wipe my tears on his shirt.

"There was a witness that saw everything,"

I sigh in defeat. "Alice passed out, no one else was around."

"I was," he says firmly. "And I explained that James acted out of self defence and that if he had wanted to kill the kid they'd have funeral to plan not a trial."

I pull away to look him in the eyes. "Sirius, you weren't there. James did try to kill him, you know that. He did it because of me."

Sirius takes my shoulders firmly. "I was there. I saw it all. Lockwood attacked you, caused Alice to pass out then he tried to kill James."

"Sirius," I whispered urgently. "Who have you told this too?"

"There was an investigation earlier, I spoke in front of all the officials, took my oath, blah blah blah, they are deliberating on his punishment now."

My heart stops. "Sirius…if they find out you lied…they'll send _you_ to Azkaban."

He shrugs. "And for Prongs I would go willingly."

I start to cry again and let him pat my back.

Terror. That's what I felt. I was so terrified. Terrified about what was wrong with Alice, terrified that James would be taken away from me and terrified Sirius would be punished for what was essentially my fault.

"Whoa, you need to breathe," he told me firmly. "I can feel how fast your heart is going and it's not healthy."

"My…fault…" I gasp.

Sirius looks completely out of his league. "Do you want me to go get Carla?"

I shake my head and continue to cry out all my frustrations I've kept built up for so long.

"Where is everyone?" I manage to gasp as my sobs slowly die down.

"Remus and Carla are holding down the fort with the kids and I'm guessing Frank is wherever they took Alice."

I nod numbly. "Do you think James is going to be ok?"

Sirius gets up and lies down on the bed next to me. "He's going to be annoyingly perfect as usual with no mark on his record I guarantee you.

I lean my head on his shoulder. "Thank you, for believing that,"

"You know, I'm starting to think I should be worried for all the times I find you both together."

I jump up, wincing as I do but push back the pain and run over to throw myself in his arms.

"You're here!"

"And you're not meant to be on your feet, back you go."

He picks me up and gently puts me back on the bed.

"What the hell happened?" I demand.

He turns to Sirius first and pulls him into a hug. "You saved my arse again Padfoot…I mean…thank you, really. I may never be able to repay this back."

Sirius blushes slightly and claps James on the back. "Mate, for just being your friend you were always going to owe me for life."

James grins, crawls onto the bed, positions me comfortably in his arms then sighs deeply.

"Well basically, I got sent to head masters office like I was a student again, Dumbledore asked me what happened; I told him the truth. He told me he was going to pretend to not have heard the last bit about wanting to cut the bastards throat out and I should start omitting that bit too.

Then all these angry looking people stormed in and yelled at me and Dumbledore called his teaching method's dangerous and ridiculous, me a monster blah blah blah. That went on for quite awhile, they spoke about Azkaban, sending me to the Dementors…"

I gasp in horror and he kisses me forehead quickly. "It's ok, just let me finish. After all that Dumbledore said if they were going to treat me like a criminal I deserved a trial and the right to defend myself. Cue Sirius. He gave a very believable testimony which I'm sure they didn't buy for one second but with no other witness's and you and Alice hospitalised they had no choice."

"No choice for what?" Sirius asks sharply.

"To ban me from every teaching again," James sighs dramatically. "I'm not going to do any jail time or anything but I'm never, ever going to be allowed to be near a teaching facility again and they have banned any exercises like this from ever taking place again."

"But you're not going to jail?" I ask softly.

"Nope."

I whoop in delight and both me and Sirius are on James hugging him tight.

"Whoa! I don't know how to react with all this attention!"

Sirius sits back down and I settle myself back close to James.

"Guess I ruined the new generation of heroes huh?" he says after a few moments of silence.

Sirius scoffed. "_They_ ruined their chances of winning the war over some stupid git is more like it."

James laughs. "Knew I could count on you to back me up Padfoot. Oh! And do you want to know the worst thing? I have to write a written apology to the Lockwood family and enrol in anger management classes."

I find myself grinning. "Look who's forced into therapy now!"

James lowers his head in mock shame. "I will never tease you again!"

"Well, isn't this a sight?"

We look up to see Madame Ghold looking at us with her arms crossed.

"Hey!" Sirius beams. "We missed you."

She raises an eyebrow. "How is that possible? You couldn't even stay away for a year."

"Because we missed you so much!"

She snorts in disgust and looks down at her chart.

"Alright Mrs Potter, you're free to go. You shouldn't move around too much, keep your fluids up, make sure you redress your bandages each day and take the potion's I gave you earlier."

I smile as I nod. "Of course, I'll be a good girl and do exactly as I'm told."

She glances at Sirius. "That would be a refreshing change. Make sure you go to the hospital when you return just to make sure you're completely in the clear."

Sirius blows her a kiss and winks.

"Until the next time we meet!"

"Let's hope for your sake this is the very last time," she replies tersely and then leaves.

"See that?" he asks in a stage whisper. "She still wants me."

I chuckle and allow James to lift me up into his arms.

"Come on then, back to the dorm," he says softly, as always careful to try and make me as comfortable as I can be.

"Can I have a piggy back ride later?" Sirius asks James.

"No,"

"But you said you owed me."

James cursed under his breath as Sirius whooped in glee. "Yes! I'll let you know when I'm ready."

"I should have just let them throw me in jail," James grumbles.

Remus and Carla are waiting for us as we finally arrive back to the guest wing.

"How are the students?" James asks as he crashes on the couch.

"Pretty pissed off that their war got cut short because of Lockwood," Carla says in a muffled voice as Sirius attaches himself to her.

"They still get credit for it right?" I ask.

Remus nods. "Full credit, Dumbledore was very impressed by their skills. Jace and Bella fixed you up before we took you back to the hospital wing."

"My Jace?" I ask and cringe as James growls next to me.

"Yep, did a pretty good job too. As much as this is only allowed to be a one off thing I think it was successful."

"Successful?" James croaks. "I nearly killed a student…"

"No great loss there," Sirius mutters.

"Lily has to go to the hospital when we get back for proper tests, Alice and Frank are MIA working out what damage she has and we didn't even come close to preparing them properly. Explain how that makes this a success?"

"Because they have more knowledge now, we gave them the tools to grow as their own person and test their character. After you got taken away there was nearly a riot the students were so angry that you were even being punished when it was Lockwood that had tried to injure you first. I could show you some of the letter's they were writing this afternoon to the Ministry, calling for change and better training and letter upon letter claiming your innocence and how amazing this experience has been. They may not be fully prepared for war, but honestly, were we? Are we still? We know that they have enough knowledge now to stand a chance and we know how badly they want to make a change in this world. I'd say that's a success."

It's the most Remus has said in a long while and as usual his words affect people.

James is sitting taller, Carla is smiling at Sirius knowingly who has a renewed fire in his eyes and I feel hope again. A strong burning of hope that spreads through my whole body.

"You would make the best teacher," Carla tells him fervently.

Remus blushes a little. "You would make a good guidance councillor… you were so great this afternoon."

Carla beams. "I'll make you a deal, we ever get through this alive, let's go see how great we'd really do and sign up for it?"

Remus looks up, stands tall and proud and offers his hand. "Deal."

Carla shakes it with a beaming smile that fades as soon as we hear foot steps.

"Alice!"

I snap my head to the entrance and then practically trip over Carla as we rush to meet her first.

"What happened?"

"Are you ok?"

"What did they say?"

She looks up nervously at Frank who watches her with such tenderness I feel like I'm intruding.

"You're not dying right?" Carla asks flatly, watching their exchange closely too.

Alice shakes her head and then tears stream down her face freely.

"I'm pregnant."


	79. Chapter 79

Hey!

I'm so sorry it's been so long! I've just been so pre occupied with everything going on in life and sort of lost my way on this story. It's my least fav chapter i've written so don't judge me too poorly. I've got some awesome ideas for the direction I want it to go it's jsut getting there that's hard.

Anyway, your reviews are as always appreciated and mean the world to me; Life gives you lemons, The DA is dressed to the nines, michellenessa, cheyrainawesomeness, mysticalight822, thebritishone, lady-delaluna, Loona22, 4everylypurple, Jacki James Criss Potter, Weaslyisourking 93, mysticrox123, lynnnnyl, owugirl10, missyca23, BlackBlueNSilver951, Ravenclawlupin11 (it's very belated but happy 18th birthday hope it was as speacial as you)

thank you all SOOO much. Everytime i read your excitement it makes me excited too and normally I sit down and write a paragraph or two as your words literally inspire me.

Will forever owe you for being my muse,

lots of love always,

xxx

* * *

JAMES

It starts softly the shaking of my shoulders, then slowly growing in intensity and roughness.

"Lil, I'm so tired, you gotta give me a couple hours rest. You'll make an old man of me before I'm even thirty at this rate."

I smile, eyes still closed as the shaking doesn't cease.

"Ok, hold on, just give me a minute," I murmur.

"James get up!" A voice clearly not Lily's hisses in my ears.

My eyes snap open and Sirius has a panicked look on his face.

"What's going on?" I ask wearily, rubbing my eyes.

I notice then that Lily isn't in bed and jolt upright. "Where the hell is Lily?"

Sirius grips my shoulder's firmly. "We've got to go. Now."

I push his hands off me. "Where is Lily?"

"Prongs! Pay fucking attention. You need to leave now!"

"What's the rush?" I snap.

Sirius pulls me onto my feet with one hand easily. "Lockwood's father, he's sent men to retrieve you and it's not just for a nightly chat. You need to get out now before anyone gets hurt or any lives are lost."

Now I start to panic. "Where. Is. Lily?"

He begins to toss mine and Lily's clothes into a trunk briskly. "She's keeping watch after rousing the girls into action."

"Keeping watch?" I snap. "And what if she's hurt?"

He turns to me, eyes sharp. "If you don't shut up and get moving, she very may well be."

This sobers me up completely, all rage leaves and I'm utterly on edge.

"Talk fast," I tell.

"You walk fast with me, and then we'll talk on the way."

"You're making me really anxious mate, I've never seen you like this, not even with the Death eaters."

He grabs my arm and begins yanking me down the stairs and away from the guest suites.

"These are worse," he finally tells me as we stop and stand flat against a wall.

"Lockwood looks like a kitten in comparison to his dad. Carla and I we were… exploring the castle and it's many hidden areas and we over heard them all as they snuck in. Talking about making you pay, making an example out of you."

"They want to kill me?" I ask, trying to catch my breath as we begin to run again.

He stops, throwing his arm out to stop me, looking at my dead in the eye with fear in his.

"No, worse. He wants to kill everyone you love while you watch and then make you live with the knowledge that it's because of you they're dead."

My mouth drops in horror. "Because I hurt his kid? Are you kidding me with that bull shit? I didn't even kill the kid!"

Sirius shush's me urgently. "But you would have if you had the chance and let's face it mate, these people are psycho's that don't even need a reason to hurt anything and you gave them more than enough reason to indulge their sickest desires of justice."

"Where is everyone else?"

"Lily and the girls are waiting at the secret passage into Hogsmeade, the guys are a bit further up as a first line of defence."

I shake my head. "I cannot believe this is happening. Fucking ridiculous."

Sirius almost grins. "Are you really that surprised?"

I slump my shoulders in defeat. "Not really."

He squeezes my cheeks like he used to do to get me to stop moping over Lily.

"Hey, we can all have a bowl of life sucks when we're out of here and _safe. _Until we are, let's focus on just staying alive."

A thought hits me. "We could go straight to Dumbledore right? He'd make sure we're protected."

He shakes his head. "Would never make it in time. They're the worst kind of psycho's; smart and cunning. They have people at almost every exit."

"Jesus, how many of them are there?" I ask in horror.

"Enough to make it difficult," he says briskly and then turns and smirks. "Not nearly enough to take us down. Come on."

We run for a few more minutes, stopping every now and then and listening for foot steps but none come.

I follow Sirius without anymore complaint or questions; my only thought of getting to Lily and making sure she's safe. She shouldn't even be out of the hospital yet and I've gone and dragged her into another battle.

"We're nearly there," Sirius pants still running.

I start to smile when I hear it… the echoing of fast steps that could only mean one thing; we're being hunted.

"Faster!" I scream, pushing him ahead of me and putting all my energy into moving my legs even faster.

It hurts; my calves are burning, my lungs screaming for more air and my heart practically about to implode in my chest but this is nothing…less than nothing to what I would feel if Lily was hurt. I hold onto that as my whole body protests.

"They're getting away!" I hear his gravelly voice scream.

Lily just has enough time to smile brightly at me before Sirius is screaming to open the passage and all hell breaks loose behind me as Frank and Remus attempt to slow down the mob.

"We can't hold them," Frank screams.

"Frank! Don't leave me!" Alice screams back, her hands going to her stomach instinctively.

"Get out, everyone just get out!" Sirius shouts as Carla gets the passage open and everyone starts to pour in.

I'm too distracted by the curses that are narrowly missing me that I don't even notice Lily has forgone safety to make sure I make it to the other side with her.

"Just go with the others," I cry out as I block a killing curse.

"Not without you," she says firmly.

"Go!" I scream as a curse misses her head by a couple inches.

"Not. Without. You," she tells me in such a way that I know it would be pointless to argue with her, completely useless in fighting with these idiots any longer unless I wanted us both to end up dead.

I hastily cast a shielding charm and run as fast as I can, pulling Lily over my shoulder as I move inside the passage, working to shut it.

A curse heads right for us and in my haste to keep Lily protected I end up throwing her off me and to the side so the curse hits my shoulder with a sharp pang.

The passage is nearly shut when he's upon me. The little bastard's dad.

"Run all you like boy, but know this… I will kill you myself."

I smirk. "I would welcome you to try."

The door snaps shut in his face and it's all I can do not to pass out against the wall. Not even twenty yet and I feel drained, aching and old.

Lily's hand finds mine. "You ok?"

Her warmth energizes me and I stand tall again. "Let's go home," I say quietly.

Lily sighs in contentment. "Yes please."

We make much slower time than usual getting out of the dark passage onto the deserted streets of Hogsmeade.

It has been a trying week for all of us with none of us escaping without any bruises or cuts and I think it's pretty safe to say we could be a gold mine for the head doctors with all we've seen and done.

"I want to sit down," Lily says quietly and I finally look at her properly with her fully illuminated in the streets.

She doesn't look good.

She's still far too pale, her hair matted into clumps, her lips blue and eyes blood shot. All that is horrible enough but when I take in her full profile I almost curse myself for not checking her out sooner and for throwing her away so carelessly.

There's blood, down her arms, on her legs and staining her stomach.

"Where the hell has this come from?" I ask as I drop to my knees and gently pull her night gown up.

She tries to fight me off and pull it down. "Stop, everyone else is here."

To Sirius's credit he gathers everyone and they walk ahead of us.

"Did I do this to you?" I whisper in horror.

"I already was pretty banged up remember?" she says weakly. "I think I broke open my stitches is all."

"Well you're losing blood and that's not going to work for me. We're going to the hospital now."

"James I just want to go to sleep."

"You can sleep at the hospital," I say tersely as I get to my feet.

"James…"

"It's not open for discussion," I say, taking her hand and then gently pulling her along so we can catch up with the others.

"Don't get too used to bossing me around," she mutters under my breath.

I bite down my retort because now I really am worried; her lack of argument and fight means she's weaker than I thought so my resolve to get her properly checked out just hardens.

"We're going to head to the hospital just to get Lily checked over," I say as we catch up to the other's.

"Yeah of course," Remus replies, moving forward to hug Lily gently.

"We're going to get Alice all settled in," Frank says quietly. "There's been a lot of excitement tonight so she needs some bed rest,"

I nod in agreement. "Send word tomorrow with how everything is going,"

I eye Remus as he shifts from foot to foot nervously. "You _all_ send word, understand? And then we should meet up for dinner or something so we can put this fucking night mare behind us."

Remus catches my eye briefly and nods before he apparates.

I sigh inwardly, making a mental note to worry about Remus once I've got Lily settled.

"Go get that baby some rest," I say to Alice gently.

She smiles back up at me. "He won't need any, he's going to be a fighter my boy."

"Boy?" Carla asks in excitement.

Alice shrugs. "Just a feeling. You let us know that everything's ok Lily,"

Lily nods weakly, unable to even attempt a genuine smile.

"We've gotta go,"

I give a small wave to them all before taking Lily in my arms and apparating to St Mungo's immediately.

Lily isn't even conscious when I bring her to the front desk.

"Oh dear, what's happened here?" the receptionist asks.

"Had a bit of an incident," I say. "Just need to see a doctor immediately to make sure she's not in any danger."

"Follow me," she says curtly and then leads me down a hall way to an empty room.

She indicates the hospital bed. "Lay her there, I'll send a doctor down for you shortly."

I smile in appreciation and then set about making Lily as comfortable as possible.

It's not even five minutes before a tall red haired man in white robes enters the room.

"Hello there, I'm Doctor Mayfield, and you are…?"

"Mr and Mrs Potter, James and Lily. My wife has had a bit of a fall following an attack, she was released from hospital yesterday but they did say she needed further tests and evaluations to make sure all was ok so I've brought her straight here to make sure she will be… ok that is."

He nods and scribbles a few things down.

"I see. Have you reported the attack yet?"

"I thought her health took first priority."

He almost smiles at me. Almost. "Very well. We'll do some basic tests and evaluations tonight to see what we're working with and then go from there."

Lily begins to stir. "What's going on?"

I brush her hair back. "You're just at the hospital love, nothing to worry about just making sure you'll be fit to keep me on my toes again,"

She smiles at me then turns to the doctor as if just noticing him. "I hate needles, I don't react well to bullshit and if you prod and poke me when it isn't imperative I will most likely hurt you."

He actually does smile now. "Noted. If you come with me Mrs Potter we can begin."

Lily gets up on shaky legs and I'm just about to follow when he blocks my path.

"It's policy that only patients go to the examination rooms. You can wait here."

"Like hell I will," I snap.

Lily moves back over and kisses me on the cheek. "I'm a big girl, I'll be fine. Get some sleep by the time you wake up I'll be all done."

She kisses me as I'm about to protest and then with a whirl she's gone.

I do manage to doze off and sure enough when I sluggishly find my way back to consciousness Lily is sitting next to me again, her hands clasped tightly in her lap as tears fall down her face.

"Whoa, what happened?" I ask, completely alert now. "What did they tell you?"

She looks up, opens her mouth to tell me something and then vomits all over me.

"I'm sorry," she says, wiping her mouth.

I don't even try to clean myself up. "I don't care about that, what did the doctor say?"

She starts to sob. "A lot of medical mumbo jumbo but the gist of it was that with all my previous internal injuries and this newest attack on my insides there's a lot of confusion about what's going on inside me. They've done some blood work and I'll have a definite answer in two weeks but he… he said it's looking likely I'm not even going to have children."

The world starts to spin and her words become nonsensical to me.

What is going on? Am I still dreaming? Nothing is making sense to me anymore.

"James?" she asks fearfully. "Did you hear what I said?"

I nod still unable to find any words.

She begins to sob so hard her body is convulsing.

Get your shit together, I snap at myself. Be a man and look out for your wife.

I push back all emotions I may be feeling, I try not numb the aching in my chest and just focus on her bright green eyes, letting them be my anchor to this world.

"It doesn't matter to me," I say in a surprisingly strong voice. "I love you. You are my world, and all I could ever ask for or need in this life. This is devastating news and I'm so sorry you had to hear that alone but hear this; it is not set in stone. Miracles happen every day there will always be hope for us and if we don't get to have children then we will still be blessed with the love of each other. You are all I need, do you hear me?"

She doesn't make eye contact with me but she does nod to show she's heard.

"We'll get through this. We can get through anything together ok? What do you want to do?"

"I want to go home," she says softly. "I want to go to sleep and wake up to this being all a dream."

My heart breaks for her and it takes all I have not to cry at the life that is leaving her eyes.

"I'll take you home," I say softly. "We'll get you some rest and your body strong again and then we'll come back here and work from there ok?"

She holds her arms out for me to carry her. "Just get me away from here," she sobs.

I don't wait for the doctor's permission, I just take her in my arms and then the next instant; we're home.

I let her stand on her feet as we reach the front door and almost immediately she throws up all over it.

She's pale and clammy as she shakingly opens the door.

"You need to sit down," I tell her firmly.

"I'm fine," she says dismissively.

I eye her sceptically. "Maybe we should take you back so they can keep an eye on you?"

"James please, I don't need coddling. I'm fine. I'm tired, my feet hurt from running and I'm emotionally exhausted but I am fine. Stop fawning all over me. I don't need your help I just need you to back the fuck off and leave me be."

She whisks herself out of the room and I'm left standing alone wondering what the hell just happened.

Sighing to myself I decide to give her a few moments peace to get over what ever that melt down was about. I head outside, laying on the ground and staring up at the sky, clouds covering most of the stars on this night.

"Thought I'd find you out here,"

I look up to see Sirius staring down at me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, turning my gaze back to the sky.

He lays down next to me. "Carla has gone to make sure our dear preggo Alice is comfortable, Remus has disappeared to wherever it is he goes and I just… I don't like being left alone. The fear of no one coming back is almost unbearable."

I nod. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

He whistles softly. "So Frank's about to be a daddy, what do you make of that?"

I pause for a moment before whispering. "I think it's a miracle and one I would give my life to preserve."

"Miracle that they managed to get pregnant?"

"Miracle that we're going to live to see the start of the next generation. Miracle that through love a new life is created."

"I envy them and pity them to be honest," he admits.

"How so?"

"I envy that they are going to start a new family, be able to create something together that is precious and will love them at first sight but I pity the responsibility of trying to keep that child safe, happy and free in this world."

I nod. Isn't that what I am most scared of? Having a child that I have to bury because of my mistakes? Watching innocence shattered for my choices?

Am I even ready to consider being a father?

Am I even worthy of that privilege?

"No one is worthier than you Prongs,"

I flush as I realise I must have spoken aloud.

"Seriously. You're going to be the best dad."

"I don't know if I'll even have the chance," I whisper.

"How do you mean?"

"Lily's internal injuries. The Doctor told her she may not be able to have children and even if she falls pregnant there's a high chance she'll miscarry anyway."

Sirius stares at me for long moments and then begins to shake his head. "No. I don't believe that. You're going to have kids Prongs, I'm going to be the Godfather and when I have my own tykes we're going to teach them everything we know about giving Teacher's hell."

"Do you really believe we'll live long enough to see that happen?"

"Prongs I have been faithful to the same woman for over a year now, anything's possible."

I allow myself a smile. "Very true."

He pats me on the shoulder. "Come on, it's bloody cold out here tonight. Let's go in and I'll make us some hot chocolate, I'll even give you marshmallows."

I clap my hands in delight. "Yes! Can I have some bacon and eggs too?"

He rolls his eyes. "Do I look like your maid?"

I squint. "Given the right outfit I think you could pull it off."

He chuckles and makes the most ridiculous pose. "I can pull anything off mate, haven't you realised?"

I smile and shake my head, feeling much lighter than before.

Thank god for Sirius.

LILY

What the hell is wrong with me? Throwing up. Snapping at James. All the goddamn dizziness. I must be losing my mind.

A thought of pregnancy crosses my mind but the Doctor's harsh words ring in my ears and I feel tears warm against my cheeks.

Impossible. I wasn't going to be blessed with children like Alice, I would never look down at a face with features like my own, my heart swelling with love.

Perhaps it is for the best.

Maybe this is fate's way of sparing me a broken heart watching my child live in fear and danger.

Tears fall down relentlessly.

I guess I will never know what heart break it worse.

_You still have James._ I remind myself.

James! Shit! I was so awful to him today and after an attack was made on his life.

I throw the covers off, there's no way I can go to sleep without apologising or without him by my side.

I creep slowly down the corridor and am struck by the fact that the lights in the house are on and I can hear voices.

Irrational annoyance fills me as a vision of James laughing and carefree fills my mind.

What the hell is wrong with me? Why shouldn't he enjoy himself after his whole ordeal? Get it together Lily you're in risk of becoming your sister.

I creep further out and notice that it's just Sirius and James in the kitchen.

God I'm such a bitch for even considering he'd be having a party or anything like that.

"Knew the smells of my cuisine would entice you," Sirius grins.

"I made chocolate chip pancakes for you."

This simple gesture has me in tears again.

"I also made plain ones if you prefer them?" he says looking worried.

"No, these are perfect," I sniff. "You're perfect."

Sirius beams. "I don't know what got into you Lily but I like it! Excuse me a minute while I gather some parchment so you can sign that you actually said that."

I pull a face and move over to James, allowing myself to fall into his outstretched arms.

"I'm sorry, I've been such a bitch."

James kisses my forehead. "I still love you anyway,"

I hit him weakly. "Hey! You're not meant to agree with me."

Sirius barks out a laugh. "Yeah Prongs, haven't I taught you anything? You should know that their arse never looks fat, they are always right, could never be a bitch, do not ever act crazy, are the most beautiful creatures ever to walk the planet and always, always in control of everything."

I smile at him. "Maybe I married the wrong guy."

James pulls me onto his lap playfully. "Careful there, I might get jealous and do something crazy."

I scoff and then move off to pile my plate high with food.

"Hungry love?" James asks.

Sirius smacks his hand over his head. "Damnit Prongs you never say that either! Sorry Lily, he really does have so much to learn,"

Before long I'm actually laughing and when I smile it's genuine and sincere.

I watch Sirius and James affectionately as they stage their own eating contest.

Sirius cheats and morphs into his shaggy dog and scoffs the food down effortlessly which has James then jump on his back so they're rolling around the kitchen, James laughing loudly and free.

Thank god for Sirius.

"What do you mean I have to reign myself in?" Carla demands as Alice shrinks back slightly, looking at me for help.

I sigh. "Carla, all Alice is saying is that this is a big family event too and that she needs it to be low key and tasteful."

"Are you saying I'm not tasteful?" she demands.

"You suggested we bring strippers dressed in diapers,"

"I WAS KIDDING!" She said defensively.

I cross my arms the same time Alice does.

"Well… mostly kidding," she admits.

"I think we should take a break from this for awhile," Alice says, turning her full attention to me.

"How's everything with you? You still haven't told us what your doctor's said."

"Oh nothing much really, just the usual stay out of imminent danger stuff," I lie easily.

"Really?" Carla asks sceptically.

I know that look and know that I'm not going to get off lightly so I offer a half truth instead.

"I'm getting all my results back next week."

Carla eases her body language a bit. "Seriously? They make you wait two weeks? Seems a bit odd. They must have said something?"

I sigh. "Just that I have a lot of internal damage so they need to gauge how serious it is."

"Well, if it was really bad they would have said something, to prepare you for the worst right?" Alice reasons, always the optimist. "So, it musn't be too awful the results."

I plaster a fake smile on my face. "Absolutely. I'm not worrying about it so neither should you girls."

"That's our job," Carla says. "Besides, Sirius said James has been a wreck waiting for the news."

I'm hoping that's all Sirius has said because if I find out he divulged my secret I think I'll cut something off in his sleep.

"Oh you know James," I say casually. "He's not content unless he's running around after me."

Alice giggles. "That's true. Where is James today anyway?"

I smile for real now, thinking of James scowl as he left this morning. "He's off to his first anger management class."

Both the girls mouths drop. "They're still making him do that? After Lockwood tried to dish out his own punishment?"

"Yep, but they did put a charm that prevents anyone from the Lockwood family or anyone connected to them from getting closer than two hundred feet from James."

Carla's eyes blaze with fury. "They should have just castrated the bastard."

"Carla!" Alice cries out.

"What? That whole family is scum, they would have killed all of us without blinking an eye. Why should I give them any mercy or kindness?"

"Because we're not murderers," Alice says softy.

Carla grins with malice. "I wasn't suggesting murder Alice, just emasculating them. Too much testosterone isn't good for a man."

I smile slightly. "Remind me to never piss you off."

Carla grins. "I am just very protective of the ones I love."

I rub her hand. "I know and I love you for it."

"Me too," Alice agrees.

"Well, I hate to leave all this talk of baby themed strippers and castration but I've got to get the grocery shopping done before James gets home."

"Do you want us to come with you?" Alice asks, big eyes concerned.

I smile but wave the offer away. "I'll be fine. I choose somewhere different each time so they can't track me to the same areas and I always shop at muggle places; figure they wouldn't think to look for me there."

Carla winks. "More than a pretty face aren't you."

I grin. "I have my uses. Let me know if you get any further with the planning or if I can help at all."

"Will do, enjoy your shop and get home safely."

I tweak Alice's nose affectionately. "Yes mum,"

Alice giggles in delight. "That sounds so good! We should have planned to all have babies together and we could all be hot mamma's,"

I pang of pain smashes into me as I think of how that will never happen.

"Wouldn't want to steal your thunder," I manage to mutter before saying a final goodbye and then heading to the closest super market.

I've gotten all my fresh produce and I'm just about to head to the check outs when I see it out of the corner on of eye and then on impulse throw in into my trolley like it's a hot potato and keep walking.

"Do you need any help?" A good looking stores man asks me as I come to a stop, lost in my own thoughts.

"Sorry what? Oh… no I'm fine," I say quickly. "Just trying to work out if I've got everything I need."

"You let me know if I can help at all," he says with a wink.

I muster a smile and move on, working hard to distract myself in the sweet section, working out what would James like best and be most likely to cheer him up.

I end up grabbing two of almost everything and just head to the check out before I have a nervous wreck and cause any unwanted attention.

"Big night planned?" the check out girl asks as she eyes all the treats.

"I'm just very indecisive," I reply.

She chuckles to herself and goes about scanning the rest of my stuff.

Once she's done I almost pay her in coins before I realise who I am, where I am and what currency I should be using.

"Have a great night," she calls with a wave.

I wave back and then rush out of the store, itching to get home where I can unwind and perhaps gather myself together.

It really is a good thing I'm being smart about where and how I shop because I'd be a pretty easy target with how preoccupied I've been today.

Preoccupied over the most ridiculous gut feeling. An impossible gut feeling.

I shake myself to try and gain some sense.

Home first. Then melt down.  
*

Three minutes. One hundred and eighty seconds. Otherwise known as a goddamn lifetime.

I don't know why I'm doing this when I'm almost certain of the results. Glutton for punishment I guess.

The good news is James isn't expected home for at least half an hour so once I get this melt down out of my system he'll just about be home.

I pace the bathroom floor, hands itching and body tensed.

I should just throw it out. It's just going to depress me especially when I have to face Alice tomorrow.

I should just forget this moment of insanity, accept the truth and move on.

I should. But I won't.

Finally the last seconds tick down and with shaking hands I pick up the pregnancy test.

Then burst into tears.


	80. Chapter 80

Hey!

Fast upload this time huh? I have to credit it all to you. Your lovely reviews had me so pumped for this story that i got this burst of energy to write and before i knew it the next chapter was done. It's only short and a bit of a filler in some spots but it's all happening now, hold tight :P

To the amazing; MarauderDraconis, RavenclawLupin11 , lynnnnyl, xXiloveharrypotterXx, hello-goodbye146, thebritishone, Loona22, the DA is dressed to the nines, mysticrox123, Alix, life gives you lemons.

You are my high light of any week reading how passionate you are about my little story. Simple amazing the lot of you... but you already knew that right? ;)

Lots of cuddles

xxx

* * *

JAMES

Bull shit. That's what this is. And hours out of my life I will never get back. I'm trying to take it seriously. And I went in with an open mind but after the fifth 'you are all in a safe circle here, nothing to feel anxious or upset about,' remark I was ready to walk out.

I look around at the other faces in the circle we've been forced to sit in and it's pretty evident from the majority of their faces they think this is bull shit too.

It's even worse because of Lockwood's little episode I've been sent to the muggle course so I can't exactly be 'open and honest' with the group.

"First timer?"

I turn to the guy next to me who's smirking at me lazily.

"How'd you tell?"

"You actually looked surprised by how pathetic this little class is."

I smile. "Well when you're sent to a self help thing it's sort of implied."

"Yes but not specified and thus our problem."

He reminds me of Sirius so I decide to go ahead and like him.

"I'm James,"

"Anson," he replied holding his hand out to shake.

"What'd you do to get put here Anson?" I ask.

"Beat the shit out of the dude my woman was seeing on the side,"

I cringe. "Ooh, you get betrayed and you're the one punished. That's brutal."

"Such is life my friend, how about you?"

I pause as I try to think of a convincing cover story close to the truth. "I was doing my practical on becoming a teacher and a kid tried to hurt my wife so I just taught him a little lesson."

Anson chuckles. "Let me guess, Daddy is high up and got this lined up for you?"

"Daddy wanted to kill me, I guess they decided that would be too quick so instead I'm getting bored to death."

"Something wrong with the justice system right?"

"Definitely," I agree. "How many times have you been here?"

"This is my third,"

"Should I be concerned about befriending you when you've been forced to anger management three times?

"Are you going to fuck my woman?"

"I'm a married man!"

"That didn't answer my question."

"I would never do that,"

"Then you're safe. How long you forced to endure this?

"I managed to get it down to two weeks,"

"They must have liked you. I'm on two months, although I did almost kill the guy I guess I should be lucky I'm not in prison."

"It could be more entertaining," I say.

He frames his face with his hands. "Look at this! I am way too pretty to go to jail,"

I laugh. Definitely just like Sirius.

"You two, in the back. Whilst we encourage laughter not lewd behaviour you are being rude. It is not your time to share yet."

The instructor must be bored of his job too because he chastises us with almost no infliction in his voice.

"Sorry sir," Anson says with an over the top salute.

"Take it down a notch Anson," he replies wearily then turns back to his half hearted lecture on how rage can consume your life and leave you with nothing.

"The best part is about to happen," he whispers to me.

"What's that?"

"Sharing time. It's where we each get a turn to talk about what makes us angry and how we're trying to deal with it. The guy with the bald head over there has a melt down and goes purple every time."

I grin. "So it's not all bad?"

He winks. "I'll show you how fun it can get."

"This is not going to end well,"

"And how do you know that?"

"You remind me of my best mate and every time he has that look you're wearing right now, it usually means I'd better start running."

Anson laughs. "Sounds like a good bloke, now shh baldy is about to start."

As it's the first meeting for a lot of people and day 1 of the new program they let us leave a half hour early which means instead of wasting six hours of my life, I only wasted five and a half.

Must be my lucky day.

"Where you headed to now?" Anson asks as we walk out the double doors together.

"Home to the missus, what about you?"

"Pub to try find a new missus,"

I chuckle. "Maybe you're problem is where you're finding these girls,"

He shrugs. "Where would you suggest I go? Where'd you find your lass?"

"I got lucky, I grew up with her in school was madly in love with her from day one and had seven years to manipulate her into falling for me too,"

He claps me on the shoulder. "I bet she's beyond sexy too you bastard,"

I raise my hand. "Guilty as charged."

"Well, on that note I'm going to get shit faced so I can numb myself into thinking I'm as happy as you,"

"Keep looking mate, on day you will be."

He pulls a face. "Urgh, don't you start on all that touchy feely bullshit, I've just had half a days worth and I'm in risk of ODing."

I'm about to pull out my wand to apparate when I remember where I am and what I'm meant to be.

Damn, I'm going to have to walk at least a few yards to make this convincing.

I guess this will be good exercise.

"Oi, you listening?"

I turn my attention back to him. "Sorry, what was that?"

"I said I'm off, do you need a lift somewhere?"

"No, I'm fine walking, it's not too far. Should you be driving when you're heading to the pub?"

He winks and begins to back away. "Should you be trying to be my mother?"

I shake my head and wave before turning and heading the opposite direction.

I walk for about twenty minutes until I'm satisfied that I'm far enough away and no one can see what I'm up to.

With a final glance around to be sure, I apparate back home, practically flinging the front door open in my haste to see Lily.

She's no where to be seen.

"Honey, I'm home," I call out.

No sarcastic response or pillow being thrown at my head.

Something isn't right here.

I roam through the house calling out her name with no luck in gaining any response.

I check outside only to find silence and it's not until I walk past the bathroom do I even hear it.

A whimper.

I race to open the door but it's locked.

"Lily? Lily are you in there? What's going on? Open the door."

I'm greeted with loud sobs in return.

Fuck, my heart is really racing now as I think of everything Lily has been through in the past year and that she must be wanting out of the darkness.

I start to panic. She must be looking for a way out.

"Lily, open the door right now," I scream as I pound on it. "Please love, don't do this. We can talk about this, just let me in."

"Go away!" she finally screams back.

"Just let me in, you can hit me as many times as you want, throw anything at me. You can do anything you want to me, just please let me in."

Silence greets me once more and I feel sick.

She's left me no choice.

"I'm coming in whether you like it or not," I say firmly. "Move away from the door so I don't hurt you."

"No! Just leave me be!" she cries.

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Please move away from the door."

As silence greets me one last time I count to five before blasting the door off it's hinges.

I race in to find Lily curled on the tile, rocking backwards and forwards muttering what sounds like;

' it's impossible' and 'not real, not real,'

As I kneel down next to her trying to gauge whether she's hurt herself I notice she's clutching something close to her chest.

"Lil, what's that you got in your hand?"

"It's lying," she replies.

I move down to her level and try to pry it from her hand but she's got such an iron grasp on it it's almost impossible.

"Honey? I'm going to need you to let go of this ok? Just let me take care of it."

It must be negative. That's why she's so inconsolable, she wanted to try and prove the doctor wrong and now she's got the answer she's allowing herself to break down.

I sit down next to her. "Beautiful it's ok, this is all going to be ok."

"No it's not," she sobs.

"The doctor's warned us of this ok? I know it's hard to accept but we're going to get through this. Just give me the test, I'll bin it and we don't even have to go through this again."

"Two lines," she mutters.

"What's that babe?"

She turns to me finally and offers me the test.

"What does two lines mean? No baby?"

She shakes her head and points to the box where it clearly states that it means pregnant.

I drop the pregnancy test to the ground.

Pregnant?

LILY

James is so silent. So still for so long I'm actually concerned he's fainted or something.

I push away the unrelenting tears to look at him properly and find he's alive, he's blinking he's just not moving.

"You're pregnant," he says softly.

"No, James, I'm not."

He picks up the pregnancy test and waves it in my face and then points it at the box.

"Two lines says pregnant, you have two lines."

"Read the fine print, it also says only eighty percent accurate."

"I'm liking those odds," he replies and he looks so full of hope and life that a fresh round of guilt and despair hits me.

"Lil? Lily, what's wrong? This is what you wanted isn't it? To have a baby?"

"More than anything," I whisper.

"Then this is a happy moment, not a sad moment."

"You don't understand," I cry. "The test it wrong and it's taunting me."

"What do you mean?"

"When… when you were sleeping and I was with the doctor he said my blood work showed I was already pregnant but with the extensive damage caused it was almost ninety five percent likely that I was going to miscarry…that I probably already had. The appointment next week was to see how far along in the pregnancy I was and then to decide if the foetus needed removing."

He goes silent again and when I can finally work up enough courage to look at him; I regret it immediately.

He's crying.

Silent, unrestrained tears falling down his face as he's lost in his own thoughts, no doubt imagining the beautiful life and family he would have had, had he not married me.

I have never felt like such a failure in my whole life.

He looks so broken and it's so completely my fault that I'm too scared to even touch him. I have no words of comfort. There is nothing I can say to make this ok because this isn't ok.

Not by a long shot.

I'm just about to contemplate leaving him alone, maybe just packing my stuff and going to stay with Carla when he reaches out and grabs my wrist, shocking me into inaction.

"Alright, let's go."

"Go? Go where?"

I'm scrambling to my feet as he tugs me along briskly, not even trying to slow down so I can get my balance properly.

"James? James what's going on? What are you doing?"

"We're going back to the doctors," he tells me calmly. "You should put a coat on first, here I'll go get you one."

His words leave me confused and it's not until he's back with my coat that I'm fully processing what he's saying to me and when I understand it just makes me feel that much more sad.

"James, please don't do this. It's hard enough, I don't think I can take hearing it again."

"I'm sorry," he says, not looking at me. "But I've got to know. I want them to do the tests properly, I want them to look me in the eye and tell me that it's not going to happen. I want them to cut the bullshit and give us our next options if that's the case."

"James," I say, starting to get frustrated. "I don't want to go back there! I don't want to have to sit in that room while they poke and prod me and look at me with their big sympathetic eyes whispering to each other about what a waste it is."

"But they could be wrong!" he replies, raising his voice a bit. "They could be wrong and the test could be right."

"You're living in a dream world," I snarl.

"Please, just indulge me in this," he begs, actually getting on his knees and taking my hands. "Please Lily, I won't ever make you do this again. I just need to know and I need them to say it to my face this time."

I don't know if I can do it. Physically I'm unsure I can even find the strength to walk back in their and emotionally I'm almost certain this is going to cause irreparable damage.

I'm about to push him away from me and snarl that it's my body and my choice but one look at the pregnancy test still clutched in his hand and the desperation displayed all over his face has me reconsidering.

Can I really deny him this? Am I such a selfish, cold bitch that I would turn my back on one of the very few things he's ever asked me to do?

I sigh deeply.

"Ok, I'll go with you but on one condition."

"Name it," he says immediately.

"I want to go to a muggle hospital. I want to go to the hospital I was born…it sounds stupid but it's somewhere I know I'll feel comfortable and it will… it's going to make this a little less painful for me to do."

He nods, gets to his feet and kisses me tenderly on the mouth. "Whatever you need,"

Thirty minutes later we're standing in the waiting room, James tapping on the counter impatiently as I'm filling out paper work.

"Is this necessary?" he asks me. "All this paper stuff, what a waste of time!"

"Shh," I hush. "Don't be rude, it's not going to take much longer. Take a walk or something if you need to do something productive."

He grunts in frustration then lets his shoulders sag. "Sorry, I'm being a ponce. Can I get you something to eat or drink?"

I hand my papers over to the receptionist then take a seat closest the bathroom just in case.

"No, I'm good. Just sit with me ok?"

James sits down on the couch then pulls me so I'm half lying on him, stroking my hair and telling me all about his day at anger management while we wait.

He's just telling me about the bald guy that knocked himself out by punching himself in the head when the doctor calls my name and we're up.

"Mrs Potter? Dr Gella, how are we this evening?"

"Anxious," I reply with a small smile.

He nods and gestures us to follow him. "Well, we'll soon put you at ease. Take a seat on the bed for me and tell me what's going on."

I crack my knuckles nervously, looking at the floor as I begin. "I was… well recently I was told I had a miscarriage and it looked like I was unable to conceive and well… I like to do things my way so I took a pregnancy test anyway and it said that I was pregnant."

He looks at me with pity. "Well, that could be because it's still reading from your miscarriage."

My stomach drops low. I knew it.

"But it could also mean the other doctors were wrong right?" James asks hopefully.

Dr Gella smiles sadly. "Well, we can find out today and put both your mind's at ease. If you just go into the change room behind the curtain, put on the hospital gown and then take a seat back on the bed we can do an internal ultra sound."

"What's that? Is it going to hurt her?" James asks defensively.

"No Mr Potter, I can assure you that despite a bit of discomfort your wife will be fine."

James nods his approval at me and I make quick work of stripping down and changing so I can put this nightmare behind me once and for all.

Once I've got myself in position I turn my head away from the doctor and just focus on James caring hazel eyes.

"I love you," he whispers to me.

I inhale sharply as the examination begins then smile briefly. "I love you too."

"This was not how I pictured my first threesome," he whispers to me and I feel myself relax as I struggle not to laugh.

The doctor gasping in horror snaps me back to attention and before I know it my eyes are swimming with tears again.

What could possibly go wrong now?

"What's going on?" James asks sharply, his grip on my hand getting painful.

"What profession are you in Mrs Potter?"

"Why do you ask?" I reply suspiciously.

"You have evidence here of multiple surgeries, multiple scaring, lacerations and trauma to you both external and internally. Frankly, considering the medical evidence you shouldn't be sitting right here in front of me."

"We're aware of how much fight and spirit Lily has," James says tersely.

"Yes, but that's not what is amazing here."

"Spit it out then,"

I squeeze his hand to try and ground him as he looks dangerously close to the edge.

"Mrs Potter, I have to be honest with you; I haven't seen such damage for a very long time and the last time it was to this extent it was due to a train running over a woman... needless to say that didn't end well."

"Are you saying I'm going to die?" I whisper.

"No," he says gently. "I'm saying that a miracle has happened; your pregnancy test was correct. You are very much so pregnant. I don't know how your chid has survived such conditions but by all accounts you have a very healthy baby."

"Pregnant?" I repeat, the word sounding foreign to me.

"Yes, I'd say around nine weeks."

"Is my baby ok? Are you sure? Have I hurt them?" I ask quickly as my heart begins to race.

"No," he says happily. "There is no damage to the foetus at all. It should be impossible given the circumstances but I would say your baby is as healthy as can be."

"I don't understand," I mumble as I try to make sense of his words and what it all means for me and James.

"It means congratulations are in order," he tells me with a smile. "You've got yourself a little fighter."


	81. Chapter 81

Hello pretties :)  
You did it again! Over whelmed me with your response the the last chapter that I was inspired enough to pen this one pretty quickly. Again it's still pretty filler and fluffy but believe me, you're going to want to enjoy this while it lasts because unfortunately we're heading to the business end of this tale and I think we all know how it ends...  
Anyway, hope I do you all justice!

To the most amazing people; MarauderDraconis, Nicsherm, xXiloveharrypotterXx, ravenclawlupin11, lynnnnyl, the DA is dressed to the nines, Loona22, owugirl10, xheheitssamx, life gives you lemons, mysticrox123, hello-goodbye146.

Thank you. So much. I'm running out of ways to express my gratitude but I assure you my appreciation is never any less.

Love to you all xxx

* * *

JAMES

Pregnant. Father. Baby.

Words that would normally turn a twenty yr old man cold. Words that at times, are the driving force in tearing relationships apart.

Words that today have changed my life.

I am going to be a father. I am going to start a family. In my arms in roughly seven months I will hold a piece of both Lily and I combined.

A joint effort of love.

I look down at Lily who is filling out more forms and I grin.

Send Lockwood, send fifty Death Eaters, send Voldermort himself and all the Dementors in the world.

Nothing could tear me down today, nothing could wipe this smile off my face and nothing could take apart the hope, love and awe I feel bubbling up inside of me.

I brush back a piece of Lily's hair, desperate to pull her close to me and never let her go.

I breathe in a whole lungful of air and beam from ear to ear.

This is the best day of my life.

"We good to go?" Lily asks, breaking me out of my trance.

I smile leaning down to kiss her tenderly. "Ready whenever you are."

"So where to first?" she asks, entwining her hand in mine as we head out of the double doors.

"I'll go anywhere you want," I reply.

She laughs. "You look like you're high."

I smile indulgently and then open my arms, catching the last rays of sun light as the sun begins to set in the horizon.

"I don't think I've ever felt this alive or happy before," I say to her. "Come here, spin with me."

"What?" she asks on a giggle.

I take her hands and begin to twirl us around, but so we're still facing.

"I'm getting dizzy!" she says, her face free of any worries.

"Do you see?" I ask. "It's just us against the world. When I'm with you everything else is a blur, just spins by and all I care about is having you in front of me. I don't think I even imagined I could love someone so much."

She pulls us to a stop and caresses my cheek. "I feel the same way."

A thought hits me and I'm filled with new purpose. "Oh, we've got to go right away."

Lily looks up in confusion. "Where exactly are we going?"

"We've got to baby proof the house! Do you know how many corners and cupboards we have? It's basically a baby death trap!"

She tries to hide her laughter. "James, we've still got seven months to work that out, it doesn't need to be done just this minute. Don't you want to just enjoy this moment? How we feel right now? The weightlessness, the joy the undeniable sense of rightness?"

I nod. "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry love. We'll go home and celebrate. I'll contact Sirius immediately; we need to celebrate."

Lily nods. "I think that's what we all need, besides it's not going to feel real until we tell the other's anyway."

I skip. I actually skip to the car I'm that over joyed.

"Best day of my life," I say fervently. "And you are by far the best thing in my life."

She blushes slightly. "I'm going to get fat soon, will you still love me then?"

"Fat?" I snort? "You are just going to get even more beautiful, womanly and emit a glow like no one has ever seen!"

She chuckles. "We'll see how much you love me once the hormones kick in and I'm throwing tubs of ice cream at you."

"That will never happen," I say dismissively. "You'd never waste the ice cream."

Lily smacks me playfully. "Watch yourself there buster!"

I ruffle her hair slightly. "It's ok, I've had years of practice in dealing with being your number one enemy, I think I can handle it."

"Correct answer. Home then?"

"Home," I agree and attempt to lift her.

"James, I'm pregnant not an invalid. I can do this myself."

"Wait, should you be apparating? We should go back to the first doctor to check… and also rub it in his face that he was wrong."

She shakes her head. "I'm done with doctors for the moment and I'm in my first trimester still so it should be fine. Just take me home so I can have a bubble bath and relax."

I salute her. "Yes ma'am."

As Lily is relaxing in the tub I'm shaking with anticipation as I get the mirror out and call out to Sirius.

"What's up Prongs? How did anger management go? Beat anyone up?"

I sigh. "The point of the class is to learn to control your anger so you don't have to Sirius."

"Yeah but you're a bad arse Prongs, you play but no one's rules but your own!"

I definitely have to introduce him to Anson; it would be interesting to see who is more arrogant.

"It went fine I didn't beat anyone up."

"So what's the big news? You have your anxious face on."

I take a deep breath to calm myself. "Lily's pregnant. You're going to be an uncle."

I see it register on his face before I'm looking at the ground; he's obviously dropped the mirror.

I frown slightly disappointed; this wasn't exactly the reaction I was looking for.

"Sirius? Hello?"

He doesn't respond and I'm just about to sever the connection and write him a very abrupt letter when I feel two strong arms wrap around me.

I start to panic and thrash but when I feel lips press against my forehead and inhale the shaggy scent I relax.

"Sirius?"

"I am so happy for you brother!"

"You couldn't have just said that through the mirror?"

He's holding me so tight it's starting to get uncomfortable. "I had to see you myself. I had to just… I had to just get here and tell you in person how happy I am for you!"

I gently pry his arms off me and am immediately taken back by the fact that he's actually crying.

"Padfoot…are you crying?"

He unashamedly nods. "I don't even know how to put into words how amazing you're going to be or how proud I am of you both."

I clasp him on the shoulder. "I love you mate,"

"Who else knows?" he asks as he wipes his tears on his sleeve.

"Just you, me and Lily."

"You told me first?" he asks in surprise.

"Of course I did! You're my brother and what kind of God father finds out last?"

He freezes and I'm instantly nervous that he won't want to be god father, that maybe I should have found a different way to tell him, maybe ease him into it.

"God father?"

"Yeah…" I say awkwardly. "There's no one else I'd rather have my kid look up to."

He stares at me very seriously and then drags me to the kitchen, pulling out a knife from the drawer.

"Whoa…what the hell are you doing?"

He cuts his palm expertly and then kneels in front of me. "I Sirius Orion Black, hereby swear that to the best of my ability I will protect your child like it is my own, I will love them, worship them and never, ever give you reason to doubt that I would give up my life for theirs. I swear this by blood and so it is binding."

He offers the knife and his palm.

I'm speechless as I cut a small incision and then press my palm against his, feeling a binding spell take place between us.

"Sirius," I say hoarsely. "You didn't have to make a blood oath I knew you would be the best god parent to my child without question."

He wipes a few stray tears. "I had to do it so you had no doubt that I will do anything for you and in turn any child of yours. Anything Prongs. I swear it."

I pull him to his feet and into an embrace. "Luckiest kid ever to be so loved already."

"Should I give you two some alone time?" Lily quips, just wrapped in a robe, her hair piled on her hair as she smiles over at us.

Sirius releases me and strides over to Lily, pulling her up into his arms and spinning her around.

"Oh you beautiful woman you! You are going to bring the most amazing child into this world if it's even half as great as you."

Lily's eyes well up. "Oh Sirius, you big sap!"

"I asked Sirius to be God father," I say, suddenly wondering if I should have checked it with her first.

She kisses Sirius on the cheek and wipes the last few tears of his away. "Was there any doubt about that?"

He grins broadly and the two of them; my other halves are so beautiful in their happiness I'm in danger of having a complete melt down in the most amazing way possible.

"Do you know what this means?" Sirius asks Lily.

"What does it mean Sirius?"

"You can make James do practically anything and get away with treating him any way you want because you're pregnant and your hormones are crazy! Did you win the lottery or what!"

Lily laughs. "I'm feeling pretty lucky that's for sure."

"Well? Are we going to have a celebration or what? This is huge news!"

"Well, before you rudely cut me off I was just getting to that. It's about dinner time so we figured we'd get everyone over for a barbecue and couple drinks to celebrate," I tell him.

Sirius beams. "Sounds amazing, I'll get the fire whisky," he turns to Lily. "I'll bring some fruity non alcoholic drink for you."

Lily nods in appreciation. "And Alice."

"Oh Alice of course! Pregnancy sure is catching, I better get home to Carla and check we're not going to a hatrick. She'll be pretty pissed off I just left with no word, so I'm glad you had such fantastic news because this is going to distract her from blasting me through the wall."

I start to laugh then notice Sirius's expression.

"No laughing matter Prongs, it's happened before."

"Probably happen again too," Lily says.

Sirius just winks at her and then he's gone.

"So, I better go put some clothes on," Lily says.

I grab her before she can leave and tug at the robes ties. "Now why would you go and do a crazy thing like that for?"

She rolls her eyes and pushes me away gently. "We have guests on their way mister no time for silly business."

"Oh come on," I wheedle. "Just ten minutes?"

She shakes her head and steps out of my reach. "Not right now. You need to let Remus, Frank and Alice know what's going on and then you need to tidy the place up a bit."

"And what will you be doing my love?"

"Picking out an out fit of course."

I raise my eye brow. "And how long is that expected to take?"

She crosses her arms over her chest. "As long as it needs to."

I raise my hands in defeat, best not to piss her off with the hormones in over drive.

"Take all the time you need love, I'll go take care of everything."

She nods, satisfied and then sashay's away.

I sigh with a huge grin on my face.

God I love that woman.

LILY

I stand naked in front of the mirror, just staring at myself.

I look exactly the same as I did this morning and yet tonight I feel completely different. Tonight I feel for the first time in so long… whole. I am finally complete and of course it could be only James to give that to me.

I look at the fading bruises, the scars and the flaws all over my body and I smile.

I feel beautiful, with more flaws now than ever before I actually feel completely and utterly beautiful.

I sigh and then fall back onto the bed, loving the feel of the sheets against my skin and James' scent all around me.

Is this real? It is possible I have finally got something to keep me fighting, to keep me strong and give me a reason to want to do everything in my power to survive?

Or perhaps this is just a really convincing dream?

I inhale James' scent from his pillow.

If it is a dream then I pray that no one dare wake me from it. Spending my life in this moment? Well worth it.

"Lily!" Alice's familiar shriek wakes me up and I jump up and manage to throw all my under garments on before she and Carla come bursting through the door.

"Geez guys, knock much?" I say just as they both barrel into me, knocking all of us onto the floor.

"Ok, ouch," I say as I try to untangle myself from them.

"Sorry!" Alice says, rolling away so she's off my legs. "We just heard the news and came immediately.

"Is this what you've been hiding from us?" Carla asks. "I wasn't buying your little story today at all."

I sigh and figure there's no point lying anymore. "Today I was trying to be vague because the truth it I was told that it was unlikely I could ever have children and that I was probably about to experience a miscarriage. I didn't want to ruin Alice's happy news with devastating news of my own."

They both stare at me in silent horror.

"But it's ok now," I say hurriedly. "Got the A ok today from the doctors and I have a happy and healthy nine week old seed growing in my belly as we speak."

Alice bursts into tears. "Oh Lily, I don't know what to say."

"It's ok," I say patting her back.

"That's a lot of emotions to process," Carla says. "I want to slap you for not telling us what was going on, cry at how hard that must have been to hear but then kiss you and give you the biggest hug ever because I'm so ecstatic you're having this child."

I smile sheepishly. "I'll take the kiss and hug."

Carla chuckles and then as one we huddle in for a big group hug.

"This is so great," Carla whispers. "All this positive news, all this reason to celebrate that's what we all need. Happiness and love to renew our faith in each other and this cause."

I smile. "I definitely have enough love and happiness inside me I think I might actually burst."

"Good," Carla says fervently. "It's about goddamn time!"

"It certainly is," Alice agrees.

"Well, we should let you get dressed," Carla says, pulling Alice with her towards the door. "But be quick, we have so much to talk about and organise."

"Baby showers!" Alice squeals in excitement and then they're both gone, leaving me alone again.

I look in the mirror once more and smile at the glowing reflection.

Everything has definitely changed.

Once I get down stairs I'm lost in a sea of arms, kisses and congratulations. Remus has even brought a stuffed broomstick toy as our first official gift for the baby.

"Thank you," I tell him sincerely. "That's so thoughtful."

He smiles at me brightly but his eyes betray the sadness I know he must feel inside.

I wrap him in a warm embrace.

"I appreciate that you came tonight,"

"I wouldn't miss your happy news for anything," he says quietly.

I want to say more to him. I want to apologise for what happened with Violet, tell him he's going to get his happy ending, that the bad can't last forever. I want to tell him that everything's going to be all right but I'm not sure he's ready to hear all that so instead I give him a kiss on the cheek.

"You are very loved," I tell him simply. "And that will never change."

He nods and squeezes my arm. "I would be cold without that knowledge."

I decide to tell him the rest anyway but at that point Alice comes over practically jumping out of her skin she's that excited.

"We can have a double baby shower!" she shrieks.

I smile. "How would we divide the gifts?"

"Good point. Ok, but we can help each other plan right?"

"I don't think I really need a baby shower," I say, shrugging. "Big events with parties usually lead to unwanted trouble for me so honestly, I'm happy for you to have the spot light. I'm just so thrilled to be even having this child I don't care about much else."

Alice is bouncing again. "It's just so exciting!"

It's only then she notices Carla and she tones it down a bit.

"Oh Carla! I'm sorry, I'm getting so caught up in all this baby business I've been making you feel out of place."

Carla waves the apology away. "Nonsense, I am so happy for you both. Truly. And to be honest, you both have relationships that are intense and so fuelled with love and family values that this was only logical. I'm not at that stage with Sirius yet so don't feel bad for me. I want to do it the right way, get married and then have kids; just like you two."

"It's going to happen for you though," Alice says firmly.

I nod in agreement.

"I know it will," Carla says as she looks over at Sirius who has an arm around James and Frank. "I don't plan on going anywhere so I have all the time in the world."

Alice begins jumping up and down again and Frank rushes over. "Love can you stop that? You're making me nervous."

Alice swats him away. "Honestly Frank, the baby isn't going to fall out stop your fussing."

Carla and I turn away to giggle as he still fawns over her.

"Gives me hope," Carla says to me quietly.

"What does?"

"You, Alice, all of it. It just gives me hope for a better world. Makes me believe that perhaps we'll all get our happy endings after all."

I nudge her softly and then rest my head against hers. "Its looking pretty good for Team Awesome right about now."

"Team Awesome?"

"Oh yeah, didn't Sirius tell you? It's the name we came up with for our little gang."

Carla laughs. "Very fitting."

"We thought so."

We fall in to an easy silence, just enjoying each other's company and the buzz of excitement in the air.

"Carla? I meant to ask before, would you be the God mother of my baby?"

Carla turns to look at me in surprise. "Seriously?"

"You're surprised?"

"Yeah I just… wow, I never thought anyone would trust me enough to be a God parent."

I hit her gently on the shoulder. "Silly girl, you'll do wonderful. James has already asked Sirius so really your main duty as God mother is to just make sure if it's a girl Sirius and James don't kill every guy that looks at her and if it's a guy that they don't steer him completely in the wrong direction."

Carla looks over at Sirius who is trying to walk on his hands and shakes her head. "Challenge accepted."

She turns back to me seriously and takes my hand. "Really though, thank you. I would love nothing more than to be there for your child."

I grin and when a wave of dizziness hits me I fall back onto the couch to steady myself.

It takes about point five of a second before James is right next to me.

"Are you ok?"

I catch Alice's eye and she looks at me as if to say _yeah, tell me about it._

I wink at her then turn to James. "I just needed to sit down. I'm fine, go back and enjoy the party."

"Lily, you _are_ the party didn't you realise?"

I roll my eyes. "Always with the corniness"

"Always pretending you don't like it," he fires back.

"That's the thing with men," I say lightly. "You're never quite sure on whether we're faking it or not."

He drops his mouth open in shock and then tackles me. "Oh is that right?"

He asks as he begins to tickle me. "Yes!" I cry out as I try to twitch away from his hands.

"Must be the crazy hormones talking so I'm going to ignore that comment,"

I grin and press a kiss to his lips. "You know I love you."

He presses a kiss down to my stomach. "And I've never loved you more."

"Urgh! Prongs! You're making me look bad here, keep your sickening love scenes private ok? None of us need any more reasons to be jealous of you two."

James laughs. "One day Padfoot, you're going to experience this and then you'll probably be twice as sickening at me."

"Of course I will, I'm very competitive so I'll have to make sure I out do you,"

Carla rolls her eyes but kisses him briefly.

I look up at all the smiling faces around me, I can feel all the love radiating through out the room and I decide to make a mental reminder of this moment forever. When all else feels dark and like there's no hope I'm going to remember exactly how I felt this night, I'm going to remember how lucky I am to have so many amazing people in my life.

I'm going to remember that sometimes all you really need is love.

And I'm going to smile.

Three hours later everyone is heading home and it's once again just James and me.

"You know what I wish?" he whispers as he rubs my back.

"What's that?"

"That our parents were here to witness this,"

"I'm sure they are," I reply. "Maybe we can't see them but I don't believe for a moment that they can't see us."

James ponders this for a moment and then winks at me. "Let's hope they aren't watching everything then."

I whack him across the chest. "Gross!"

"I hope that's true," he says after awhile. "I reckon they'd be pretty proud of all we've accomplished."

"Hard for them to not be,"

"It just sucks that our child will never know them,"

"They will," I say firmly. "We'll tell our child all about them. We'll give them so much detail it will be as if they do know them and our child will know how much they would be loved and how well they will be look after."

He closes his eyes, a lazy smile on his lips. "I love the sound of that."

Long after James has fallen asleep I still lie in bed thinking of today's events and how quickly it's all changed.

_You make your own luck in this world_

My dad said that to me once, I smile hoping that it's true and James and I can turn our luck around.

As I look down at my stomach I recall also hearing that babies can hear you whilst they're in the womb.

I rub my stomach, feeling an instant connection to the love growing inside of me.

"We're going to be great friends you and I," I begin awkwardly. "And I can guarantee that no one will ever be more proud of their child… no matter what you do."

I break off starting to feel a bit silly but I remember how my mother always said she spoke to me and Petunia from the first day she learnt of her pregnancy and how she thinks it helped us.

She said she would tell me all about how her and Daddy had met, how he'd wooed her. She's talk about her childhood, her favourite things in life and then she would talk about all her dreams and how the biggest dream was coming true right at that moment.

I smile to myself. It was one of my favourite things she had ever told me, one that had stuck with me forever.

I take a deep breath, rubbing my belly again.

"Let's try that again," I say, more confident this time. "You may not know it now but when I first met your father I thought he was the biggest toe rag ever, he was so arrogant I felt compelled to bring him down a notch all two…"

I continue on with stories of James and how he tried to woo me, all the ridiculous antics and failed attempts at securing a date.

I find myself giggling along as I relive these memories; amazed at how far we've come.

"He's not a perfect man your father but he's the best person I have ever met and there's no denying how pure his heart is."

I turn to face James, one hand on James heart, one hand on my belly imagining it's over where my babies heart should be.

"You could never find a better father I can promise you that now,"

"Did you say something?" James mumbles, eyes still closed.

"I'm just talking to the baby," I whisper back. "Go back to sleep."

James smiles and shuffles down so his head is resting on my stomach. "Good night little one, I love you."

I smile brightly and then close my eyes, feeling myself drift off.

No neither of us are perfect, but together? We've created something that might be.


	82. Chapter 82

Hey everyone :)

Bit longer than the other's for this one and unfortunately I skipped ahead in time a bit because if I didn't I would have just stayed with the same thing as the last few chapters and never have gotten anywhere new!

Hopefully you still enjoy it though :)

To the amazing; BlackBlueNSilver951, Nicsherm, MarauderDraconis, the DA is dressed to the nine (happy birthday gorgeous), missyca23, jacki james criss potter, PenguinBoxers, Lady-DeLaLuna, xXiloveharrypotterXx, hello-goodbye146, thebritishone, myticrox123, ravenclawlupin11, life gives you lemons, loona22, owugirl10.

Thank you, as always! You're all super stars and I love you oodles and oodles,

Happy reading!

xx

* * *

JAMES

SMASH  
I duck the plate that comes flying at my head, rolling out of the way of direct aim.

"You!" Lily screams and I dive out of the way again.

"Babe, please, we can talk about this," I try pleading knowing full well it's a futile attempt at peace.

Five months into the pregnancy now and I found myself living with a hormone monster, not my precious Lily.

Tears, tantrum and cravings. This has become my life.

"I can't even believe you!"

I dart around the room, slowly making my way closer to her so I can try to snap her out of this latest mood swing.

"I didn't mean to upset you!" I cry as a bowl makes impact with my chest.

"You told me I was fat!" she screams, but her aim is getting way off and she's not throwing with as much energy now so I know I'm almost in the clear.

I dive forward so I'm right in front of her and grab both her arms tightly, preventing her from throwing or destroying anymore crockery.

She struggles against my grip but she's always been a small thing and with the baby taking up much of her energy she's no match for me.

"Stop it," I say sternly. "I told you, you looked hot with your big belly."

"There!" she accuses. "You said it again!"

I sigh and try to remind myself that this isn't Lily speaking to me and that in a mere four months all of this will be worth it.

"You don't think I'm beautiful anymore!"

I glare at her, almost at my limit. "That's a damn lie and you know it. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on."

I feel the fight go out of her swiftly and then she's just in my arms crying.

"I'm sorry," she wails. "I don't even know what's wrong with me!"

I pull her into my arms which is a little more uncomfortable now a days that she's started showing and I have a belly to take into account.

"It's ok, I know you don't mean it,"

I look around me at the after math of this latest episode and sigh. "I am regretting Franks advice to buy plastic crockery though,"

Lily actually smiles. "At least you're not the only one with the crazy wife,"

"Hey, I'm not complaining," I say as I lead her to the couch to rest. "I've yet to receive a black eye yet, I thought Frank might never be able to use his left eye again after he commented that Alice is heavier than he recalls when she asked for a piggy back."

Lily winces. "Stupid thing to say,"

I bark out a laugh. "No 'poor Frank?'"

She shakes her head. "Nope, and I don't feel sorry for you either."  
She gestures to her stomach. "We didn't get this way by ourselves."

I grin seductively. "A fact well known to me love,"

Lily blushes and rolls her eyes as we hear the unmistakable pop of someone apparating.

"Holy shit!"

I close my eyes tight. Just perfect. All I needed was Sirius to come and undo all the hard work I've put into calming Lily down.

"We're in here Sirius," Lily calls.

Sirius strolls in and immediately looks relieved. "Oh thank god, I thought someone had attacked you or something. Are you aware your kitchen is a war zone?"

I try to gesture behind Lily's head that he should shut up but he either doesn't see me or ignores my warning.

"Hurricane hormones paid a visit," Lily tells him casually.

Sirius grins. "Man, we need to set you loose on some Death Eaters, I'm impressed little fire cracker, you can really throw down a tantrum."

I expect Lily to start up again and I'm just about to dive on her to save Sirius from harm when she starts laughing.

"They'd never know what hit them that's for sure."

Sirius just grins and sits down on the edge of the couch, practically in Lily's lap and dwarfing her.

"Do you mind?" I ask. "You're squashing Lily and our baby"

Sirius scoffs. "I'd never do that! Im just trying to get the kid used to having me close cause once they're born, I'll be like their shadow. Besides, Lily likes having me so close, don't you fire cracker?"

Lily smacks him half heartedly. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

He tweaks her nose. "Besides coming to check for survivors of Hurricane Hormones? I need to borrow a suit from James."

"A suit?" I ask. "Do you mean dress robes?"

Sirius shakes his head. "No James, if I meant dress robes I would have said dress robes. I need a fancy muggle suit."

"Oooh, what's the occasion?" Lily asks with a wink.

"Date night," he says smugly. "I'm going to take my lady love out on a date to end all other dates and I want her to feel like they do in those muggle movies with the cheesy dude in suits waltzing with them and stuff,"

Lily starts to tear up. "Oh Sirius that's so beautiful! Come, come let's go find something to make you look dapper."

I raise my hand. "Is anyone going to consult with me on this?"

Lily grins cheekily. "Nope,"

She winks as she takes Sirius's hand and leads him away to our room.

I smile as I watch them go but choose not to follow. After all, everything in my closet Lily picked out for me, a long with all the accessories so I would be utterly useless in this crisis.

I wander around the house aimlessly, trying to work out what I'm going to do to entertain myself whilst Lily goes into make over mode.

I pass the telephone Lily had installed and grin immediately.

I know exactly what I want to do.  
**

He answers on the third ring.

"Better be dead or dying,"

I grin again. "Hey mate, big night?"

"Jimmy boy! What's up brother? Preggers driving you crazy?"

I chuckle. "Her name is Lily and it's the hormones; not her."

"Yeah, yeah, perfect woman, perfect life stop bragging. What's up?"

"Well, Lily is busy with Sirius-"

"And you're absolutely sure there's nothing going on with those two? They spend a hell of a lot of time together," he says sharply.

"I appreciate the concern but trust me, it's a brother sister thing,"

"Just as long as you're cool with it, I'm cool with it, anyway, you were saying your replacement is taking care of preggers for you and you wanted to see if I was free,"

I roll my eyes. "Could you be more annoying? Yes I figured since you're always free I'd give you a call and do you a favour."

"Oh brutal… but I guess fair. Alright, meet you at the usual spot?"

"See you in twenty,"

I hang up and head towards our bedroom.

Inside Lily has Sirius holding three different ties up to his face… probably working out what works better with his skin tone.

"Lil? I'm just going to have a couple drinks with Anson, is that ok?"

She nods and waves me away, already in far too deep with her make over to pay much attention to me.

Sirius on the other hand? Has never been more attentive.

"Who _is_ this dude?" he asks. "My muggle replacment?"

"He's a mate, a very fun yet annoying mate," I reply. "Just like you are."

He looks at me accusingly. "Do you like him better?"

He's being ridiculous and we both know it but his little jealously fit is kinda funny and flattering so I walk over, pat him on the head and put the teal tie around his neck.

"That tie works the best and you're my brother, and soon to be god father; I think that makes you first place."

He smiles smugly to himself. "Fair enough, have fun then,"

I shake my head, amused and walk out.

*****  
"Jimmy boy!"

I enter the pub to a very drunk Anson who is grinning like an idiot as he beckons me over.

"Daddy to be! Take a seat my friend, you are going to want to make the most of your free time now before you get trapped in domestic bliss."

I take his over flowing shot from his hand. "Why don't you let me take this for you buddy,"

He bows slightly. "Be my guest!"

I shake my head with a smile, reminded of the many, many times I have had to peel Sirius off a bar and talk him out of a bottle.

"It's not even five thirty yet mate, isn't it a bit early to be plastered?"

He gives me a loose grin. "It's three a.m somewhere right?"

I shrug. "I guess so. So, what's new?"

"Got myself a date tomorrow night,"

I beam at him. "That's fantastic mate, where'd you meet this one?"

"Strip club."

My mouth drops. "Strip club? Really?"

"Oh don't be such a prude! She's not a dancer, she works the door there and for your information she's really lovely!"

I raise my hands in surrender. "My mistake, I'm sure she's great. What's her name?"

"Tia, we're going to see a show tomorrow night."

"Strip show?" I joke.

He rolls his eyes. "No, we're going to see some cabaret show or something."

I nod pretending to know what the hell that is and I'm just about to poke for more information when a owl comes flying in and a letter drops in my empty glass.

Anson raises his eyebrows at me and as I quickly pluck the letter out of my glass I think of what excuse I can make this time.

He gestures to the letter. "Go ahead."

I smile apologetically and turn away slightly as I read it.

_Get home now._

_Emergency!_

_Lily._

I sigh praying that the emergency isn't her having one of her cravings again.

I look over at Anson who is eyeing me suspiciously.

"Hey mate, listen, it's getting late I should probably get home to Lily,"

He nods. "Ah yes, right on time, the very vague excuse to leave after something weird happens."

I freeze. For a drunk dude he's weirdly perceptive. I wonder how much he's actually started to guess about me.

"It's just Lily is pregnant and I don't like to leave her alone for too long," I say as convincing as I can.

"Sure mate," he says casually. "You do whatever it is you have to do with your weird bird messages and that stick you always carry around."

I feel myself going red and know I have to get out and fast.

"So sorry to bail on you, but we'll do it again soon ok? Good luck with your date."

He eyes me and although I've seen him down at least six shots since I've been here he doesn't look drunk in the least, in fact he looks very sober and alert as he eyes me.

"Good luck with your emergency,"

"Oh, no emergency," I say breezily. "Try not to drink too much without me."

"Good bye Jimmy boy,"

"See ya mate,"

I clap him on the shoulder and then briskly leave before he can gaze at me suspiciously anymore.

Once I'm outside I walk a good six blocks before apparating this time.

Shit this isn't looking good. If he guesses what I am or says anything to anyone I am screwed and I have a kid to think about now, a kid to protect.

I pace backwards and forwards on my front lawn.

I can't go back there again. As much as I enjoy his company he's becoming more and more curious about my life and my secrets that I don't think I can go back.

I remember the sadness in his eyes as he told me goodbye.

Did he already know?

"James!"

The front door smacks open and Lily is standing wild eyed at me. "What are you doing out here?"

"Sorry, I just needed a moment. Is everything ok?"

She sweeps me inside and standing in my living room is Professor Dumbledore.

I push down my curse.

This can only mean trouble.

"James, great to see you… even under these circumstances," he's smiling warmly at me as he invites me to sit down.

"What circumstances?" I ask sharply, as I pull Lily onto my lap.

He looks down. "There's been an uprising by death eaters. We tried to handle it as best we could without disturbing you but I'm afraid matters have gotten completely out of hand."

"What's going on exactly?"

"There isn't much time to explain, just know that the Prewett twins and Remus are facing this alone at the moment and they are fighting against over whelming odds. Help is needed to ensure none of our lives are lost. Lily has told me Sirius is already indisposed so I'm afraid it's left to you and Frank."

I sit Lily next to me and stand. "Alright, where do you need me to go?"

"Out skirts of the city, we got some information about one of their head quarters and sent the boys in for recon…they were ready for us unfortunately."

I nod. "Alright, can you take me there? Do we need to get Frank?"

Lily stands, preventing Dumbledore from responding.

"Wait a minute, why are you both talking like I'm not in the room? I'm coming!"

Dumbledore looks at Lily tenderly. "I'm going to wait out the front for you James, please try to hurry,"

He sweeps out of the room and I'm left looking at one very pissed off wife.

"Well?"

"Love, you can't come with us."

"Because I'm female? Because I've been out of action so long, you're worried I'll slow you down?" she snaps.

I put my hand on her belly. "Because you have someone else to think about now. Someone that so desperately needs your protection. This isn't safe for you to come and I cannot risk losing either of you ok? You saw what happened to Remus, please don't fight me on this."

Tears fill her eyes. "Don't make me stay here; I can't stand the thought of sitting home alone wondering if the next time I see you will be in a casket."

"I will be back, you have to believe that. We're a family now, the three of us and nothing will stop me from getting back to you ok? I swear."

She glares at me then sighs. "Alright, but I'm not staying here,"

"It's the safest place," I argue. "The death eaters can't get here remember? They don't know the location."

"If I'm going to be left behind then I need a distraction. I'm going to keep Alice company and we can both go crazy together, unless of course they've allowed her to go and it's just me staying?"

"Frank would never allow it. Alright, go to Alice's but stay there and do not go anywhere else do you understand me? I can't be distracted with your safety while I'm out."

She rolls her eyes and pushes me out towards the door. "Just go I'll be fine."

I give her a lingering kiss, stroke her belly gently and then I swiftly leave before I lose my courage and stay with her.

"I will apparate you to one entrance," Dumbledore tells me as he takes my arm. "Then I must leave to get Frank to the other entrance so we can block them off,"

I just nod as I feel the earth move out from my feet and then a few moments later hard pavement replace it.

"Do not do anything foolish," he tells me sternly. "Get in, get the boys and then get out, understood?"

"Trust me sir, no one wants to get out of this mess safely more than I do,"

He nods in understanding and then is gone, leaving me to look around at my surroundings.

It looks like a series of abandoned buildings surrounded by thick forest, quiet and peaceful but I know better. I know that this is probably swarming with death eaters and it's only peaceful because they have put a silencing charm around the place.

As I look up at the biggest and creepiest looking building I vaguely make out flashes of light through the blacked out windows and I begin to run.

As I make it inside I have to immediately duck a stray curse, rolling hard into a wall.

I groan and force myself into a crouch.

I look around and see the Prewett boys fighting off five very sinister looking death eaters on their own.

Neither of them look too good; there's blood dripping down both their faces and pooling around their feet.

It's amazing they'd lasted this long considering how out numbered they are.

I take a deep breath and get to my feet, ready to join the fight and help save their lives and end a few death eaters.

I just manage to stun one of them and I'm closing in on the others when I'm knocked off my feet and a familiar cackle makes my blood boil.

"Potter! Knew you'd show up sooner or later. Ready to play?"

I jump to my feet and slam her against the wall. "I'm ready to win you bitch,"

She pushes me off, wand raised and eyes wild. "So arrogant!"

I duck her curse, backing away and slamming right into Severus Snape.

"Oh come _on_," I snap. "Do you always have to get in the way you twat, go make yourself useful and stop existing."

"Tonight you meet your end Potter," he says quietly. "And I shall relish in every moment,"

I break his nose almost effortlessly and dart away as they regroup together.

"Such a shame for your child to grow up without a father Potter, if you like I could pay your little wife a visit next and give you some company."

Severus freezes and I'm momentarily caught off guard by the pain in his eyes.

"Is that a yes?"

I ignore her and cast my curse, splitting her lip open. She laughs like it is nothing.

We circle each other, with all three of us trading blows until finally I'm knocked off my feet with such force my wand flies out of my grasp and I'm winded.

"What's that Potter?" Bellatrix taunts as she gets closer. "You're defenceless?"

I block out her crazy, lilting voice and close my eyes. I conjure up images of Lily and the life she's going to have to live without me, raising our child. I picture her finger painting with a dark haired baby and singing them to sleep at night. I picture them safe.

I hold onto this thought, these images as I wait for my death but instead of feeling the crushing weight of Bellatrix's curse I feel an odd lightness, followed by a scream.

I open my eyes to see Remus and Frank joining the battle.

"James catch!" Remus yells as he tosses my wand to me.

I catch it effortlessly and move towards the twins who are now completely over whelmed by the curses of the death eaters.

I'm too far away to help so instead I watch as they collapse on the ground together.  
"At least you will not die alone," Rodolphus snarls to them with an evil smile.

Fabian clutches his brothers chest wound with one hand ignoring his own gaping wound in his chest.  
"More than I can say for you."

With a nod at each other the twins use the last of their energy to curse the five death eaters around them.

I'm again knocked off my feet and wounded as dust flies up around us all. When it settles enough to be able to see the five death eaters; including Rodolphus are lying dead. Ignoring the pain I feel almost everywhere I get to my feet and run over.

Fabian has his eyes closed but is wearing a faint smile.

Gideon squeezes his brother's hand one more time, nods at me as I skid to a stop beside them and then lets out his last breath.  
"No!" James and Bellatrix scream at the same time, rushing over.

It takes her a few moments to realise but once Bellatrix figures out her husband isn't returning to her I see a madness that actually scares me in her eyes.

"I could kill you," she snarls at me. "But that would be too kind and you'd miss the surprise."

"What surprise?" I ask.

Bellatrix just laughs, tears streaming down her face as she still holds Rodolphus's hand.

"What surprise?" I scream at her, lunging but only hitting air as she apparates with Rodolphus's body.

LILY

"This blows," Alice sighs.

I lean over to rub her hand. "I know, I don't understand how Carla could stand to be at home waiting to see who made it back."

Alice blinks away tears. "They're all going to make it back right?"

I sigh. "I don't know, I really hope so,"

Alice looks up at the stars and shuffles closer to me. "There's blood on the moon tonight though,"

"Shh, let's not even think about it ok?"

"What else are we going to think about?" she asks.

"Baby names," I say firmly. "We can think about all things baby. Only four months left, we're passed the half way mark and everything so we should really be getting things organised."

Alice groans. "Haven't you seen the nursery? Frank's mother pretty much has everything sorted for me,"

"Did she ask you what you wanted?"

Alice barks out a laugh. "Does she ask anyone?"

"Well, it's your baby!"

"But her grand child and the only one she's got so far,"

"You're lucky," I say quietly. "As annoying as she might be you know that your little Longbottom is going to have an amazing grand mother to take care of him,"

Alice winces. "Oh Lily, I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking! But you're lucky too, you have us to help and Sirius is god father, I don't think anything will ever happen to that child unless Sirius wills it,"

I smile a little. "He has been pretty amazing, we _are_ lucky I just wish… I just wish sometimes I had my parents to be a part of this journey with me. I can't exactly share this with my sister…"

"Well, it's her loss," Alice says firmly.

I squeeze her hand again. "Let's not tempt my hormones to go into over drive and pick a safer subject; thought of any baby names?"

"I like Eloise for a girl," she replies. "And Frank really likes Neville for a boy,"

"Neville?" I repeat. "Really?"

"Yeah, Frank looked up all these names and what they meant and stuff and apparently people named Neville are really great and understanding and learning; they become Philosopher's and teachers…Frank thought that was a nice thing for the child to have given to them,"

"It's lovely," I say and I mean it.

"What about you?" She asks, her big eyes searching mine.

"Haven't really thought about boy names yet but for a girl I like Neveah,"

"That's really unusual, how did you come up with that one?"

I look up at the stars above me and imagine my parents smiling down. "It's heaven backwards," I whisper. "I thought they could have a piece of my parents with them,"

Alice's eyes fill with tears. "Oh that's so beautiful!"

I shrug. "I should probably start thinking of boys names though, I'll be screwed if I just bank everything on having a girl and I pop a boy out,"

Alice chuckles but I quickly shush her as I hear something rustling the bushes right near us.

"Can you hear that?" I whisper as the rustling stops.

"It's probably just the wind," Alice says with a yawn.

I look up at the red ring around the moon and the now eerily quiet garden.

"Something doesn't feel right," I say as my whole body tenses.

Alice sits up. "With the baby?"

I shake my head. "No…with tonight. I feel really uneasy and on edge for some reason,"

"It could be because everyone's gone on a mission and we're left here?"

"No," I say firmly. "It's more than that, I think we should go inside,"

Alice looks at me doubtfully but she doesn't argue.

We gather up the blanket we were lying on and our juice bottles.

I'm starting to feel like maybe it was all in my head as we almost make it inside but then a hand covers my mouth and I'm yanked backwards..

"Sitting in the open like this? Very stupid. Your men leaving you defenceless? Practically a brain dead decision. Oh well, makes our plan that much easier. Guess you'll never learn when to quit and just avoid traps."

"I'm going to kill you," Lily snarls.

The voice laughs in delight.

"It's sweet you think so."

I start to kick out and struggle when something hard and flat makes contact with my head and then I'm falling into a world of darkness.

***********  
When I come to I'm chained up in some sort of cellar or something and lying in a pool of my own vomit.

I shuffle back in disgust and realise Alice is tied up as well… but she's not moving and she's very pale.

"Alice? Are you ok?"

She doesn't respond.

"Alice!" I hiss louder, kicking at a rock by my feet so it skims across the ground and hits her in the forehead.

She doesn't react in the slightest and I begin to have an anxiety attack.

"Alice! Alice get up! Get up and be ok. Please Alice, please do something that tells me you're ok!"

I scream and curse and kick out but no matter what I do she remains lifeless.

I look around the room trying to find an escape hatch but the room has only one exit; and it's got a dead bolt from the other side and even from here I can tell it has at least three different locking and shielding charms on it.

I pull down at my chains only to find they have been double enforced into the ground and charmed as well.

I pull against them trying to slip my hands out but only manage to rub the skin raw until blood is flowing down my wrists.

There has to be someway out; there has to be something I can do other than just sit here and wait to die.

I collapse onto my side in exhaustion, furious tears begin to fall down my cheeks as the rusty door opens and Bellatrix stands in the doorway, hair, eyes and smile all wild and terrifying.

"Hello," she says as she dances closer to me. "Comfortable?"

"What the fuck do you want?" I snarl as I pull against my restraints.

She tuts impatiently. "Language! You're meant to be a roles model for the little monster aren't you?"

"What do you want?" I scream in return.

She just grins at me. "Revenge."

"Revenge?" I snap.

"Well actually, we originally just wanted to keep you captive long enough for us to take your babies from us and then force your pathetic husbands to watch as we raised them as our own but now? Now it's a life for a life. I lost my husband, so Potty is about to lose his wife."

I pale as her words sink in. I'm going to die tonight. One look in her eyes and I know it's true. I glance over to Alice.

Maybe I can at least save her.

"What about Alice?" I ask. "She's got nothing to do with this, let her go."

Bellatrix laughs. "Oh no, you see she's still needed for the original plan."

Tears form behind my eyes and I do everything in my power to stop them from falling.

"Oh don't worry," she cackles. "You're not going to be the only one. She'll die; there's no way around it… just not until we say she can,"

I thrash against my chains again trying my hardest to get close enough to hurt her in some way but it proves futile.

She looks down at me in delight. "This is going to be such fun,"

"Well what are you waiting for?" I croak, as my shoulder's sag. "Let's get it over and done with."

She shakes her head, that mad smile spreading. "Without witness's? What fun would that be? Don't worry mudblood; your lover will be here soon enough and then if we're feeling merciful we might let you die together."

She moves closer and knees down next to me. "I'm going to bleed you dry and watch the life leave your eyes and then I'm going to cut that baby out of you while your lover watches… maybe Fenrir will make a nice little snack out of them."

She spits down at me and the skips out, slamming the door behind her.

I let my head sag onto my knees as I curl into a ball.

I wince in pain as my baby kicks around wildly.

I cradle my belly in my hands and I start to cry.

"I don't know how to save you," I whisper softly. "I'm so sorry,"

I rock backwards and forwards trying to think of an exit strategy that involves everyone getting out safely.

Nothing comes to me.


	83. Chapter 83

Hey all :D

How are we all going? Another update for you... a pretty intense one if I do say so myself. It might be a bit all over the place, I was getting quite emotional writing it!

Just quickly I wanted to clear a few questions up;  
1. I know Rodolphus doesn't die in the books, but he isn't such a huge character that I thought it would be a problem. I know I make a million mistakes with this story and some of my plots, but let me assure you I truly do my best to make it fit the books as much as possible.  
2. Sirius isn't out fighting because he's on his romantic date with Carla.  
3. Anson isn't a death eater but a very cluey muggle that was there for James when he needed some extra support.

As always; Jacki James Criss Potter, Benny kid, The DA is dressed to the nines, Ravenclawlupin11, Jollyfish, I-will-marry-Sirius-Black , owugirl10, marauder draconis, BlackBlueNSilver951, mysticrox123, lynnnnyl, missyca23, Loona22, Life Gives You Lemons , everydaydreams.

Thank you! You're excitement for this story after now, 83 chapters completely over whelms me. I truly appreciate you so much! Lots and lots of love your way,

This one, and every other chapter,  
Is for you.

xxx

* * *

JAMES

Rage consumes me and I start smashing anything I can get my hands on, kicking the bodies of the fallen death eaters and screaming at the top of my lungs.

What the hell was she talking about? What are they going to throw at me this time?

"James?"

The voice sounds far away and in my rage I almost block it out, continuing my path of destruction through the house.

"James!"

I whip around to snarl at who ever is calling me but instead I find myself frozen and staring at Professor Dumbledore.

"You need to calm down,"

He's charmed me because I can't move and I can't respond to him.

"Take a few deep breaths," he instructs firmly. "You're of no use to anyone in this current condition."

I want to punch him, throw him against the room and tell him to fuck off and I'm done doing what he asks but he does have a point; I'm out of control right now and that's not going to help anyone.

I close my eyes and conjure up Lily smiling cheekily at me as she tosses her robe at me and darts away; willing me to chase her.  
I allow a brief smile before the rage disappears and blind terror replaces it.

Lily.

That's what the surprise is going to be; I just know it.

I force my hand against the magic and manage to clench it.

I open my eyes and Dumbledore is still standing there, Frank and Remus next to him... all watching me curiously.

Dumbledore mutters something and then I collapse to my knees as my body is my own again.

"She's going to hurt Lily," I say quietly.

"Did she say that?" Frank asks sharply.

"More or less," I reply, forcing myself to my feet. "We've got to get to the girls before she does,"

"Girls?" Frank asks.

"Lily said she was going to keep Alice company while we were here," I reply.

Frank goes white and stiff.

"You must hurry then," Dumbledore says. "I will take care of dear Fabian, Gideon and telling their family."

I stop in my tracks, turning around to look at the two brothers; lying in mass amount of blood their hands clasped tightly in each other's.

"They had little nephews," I whisper.

"Tragic and unnecessary loss," Dumbledore says as he knees down next to them, his eyes closed as he places his hand on their joined ones.

Determination grips me. I am not going to leave my child without a father and I'm sure as hell not going to live my life without them or Lily.

"Did she say where they'd be?" Frank asks urgently.

"I got the impression she was going to your place," I reply. "But it's possible they went to ours."

"I'll go home," Frank says gravely. "Hopefully they are just asleep or something,"

"I'm going to check my place," I say. "I told her it was the safest place for them; I'm praying that she has listened to me for once in her life. What do you want to do  
Moony?"

Remus is calm, but his eyes are lethal. "I'm going to get the rest of the order and then I'm going to hunt them down and kill them before they can hurt anyone else."

I clap him on the shoulder. "Good man, be safe ok?"

"No one else is going to die tonight unless it's them," he replies before apparating away.

I turn back to check with Frank about a meeting place but he's already gone.

I spare one more glance back at Dumbledore who is beginning to wash the blood away from the Prewetts before Apparating home.

-  
Instantly I know she's not here. All the lights are off; it's eerily silent and the house is cold; void of her warmth or spirit.

"Lily?" I call, praying my gut instinct is wrong.

"Honey are you home? Please be home,"

Silence is my only answer.

"Lily!" I scream as I run from room to room, frantic.

Even though I know it's useless I yank open cupboards, search through closets practically tear the whole place apart looking for any sign of hope that Lily is here and alive.

I'm sitting in a pile of her clothes, close to sobbing when I hear it.

Giggles.

Coming from the kitchen.

I move faster than I was even aware was possible and come to a skidding halt in front of two people who are not Alice or Lily.

Sirius is holding Carla close and their cheeks are flushed with excitement and joy.

"Hey mate! Carla and I have had the best night and have the best news... what's going on?"

I look up and I feel like I may be a ghost; like perhaps I'm not really here at all.

"Lily's gone,"

"Did you have a fight?" Carla asks as she rushes forward.

"No... we were sent out on assignment and I made her stay behind... she went to Alice's and I think she's gone,"

"Whoa, whoa, why didn't you come get me?" Sirius asks sharply.

"Didn't want to ruin your night," I mumble.

"How do you know she's gone? Is Alice gone too?"

"Frank is checking now, I haven't heard from him yet so I can only assume he's taking a moment to compose himself."

"Or maybe he found them and they're having a good old laugh about it now," Carla suggests carefully.

"Wake up to yourself," I snap. "Since when does anything end well around here?"

She takes a step back and Sirius pushes her behind his body in defence. "Hey, don't speak to her like that ok? It's going to be fine. Let's just go see Frank now,"

"Someone has to wait here in case he tries to come here and we miss him,"

"I'll stay," Carla says immediately.

She shares a look with Sirius and it's as if they communicate telepathically because once she nods he shrugs out of my jacket and starts to loosen the tie.

"I'll go with you, I should have been there from the start… sorry I let you down."

"You didn't," I manage to mumble before he darts out of the kitchen.

Less than a minute later he runs back in, now in a pair of my track pants and a singlet; fighting gear.

"We ready?"

I open my mouth to reply when suddenly Frank is standing in front of me.

"Are they here?"

I look up and I feel like my whole world is crumbling down as I shake my head.

Frank looks like he might pass out.

"They weren't at yours?" Sirius asks, leading Frank to the kitchen table so he doesn't fall down.

He just shakes his head.

"Could they have gone somewhere? Sensed danger and then left to your mum's or something?"

"No, I checked with mum, they aren't there. If they aren't here then they have been taken…they might even be dead."

"Don't think that," Carla says fiercely. "Never think that!"

I don't hear the rest of her softer words to Frank, instead I'm drowning in my own guilt and torment.

I can't actually breathe, in all the battles I've been through all the hurt, torment and tragedy I have never felt this way.

I have never felt so paralysed with fear, helpless or broken.

I'm afraid that I'm just one more inch from completely losing it.

Firm hands grip my shoulders and I'm forced to look into Sirius's face.

"Prongs? James, listen to me. It's all going to be ok,"

I shake my head slowly. "No, may never be ok again."

He slaps me briskly across the face. "Snap out of it, you're dead weight and no use to me like this. Get your shit together so we can get them back. Nothing is going to happen to Lily or your baby because I will not allow it. Do you understand me? They are going to be safe because I demand it. Nod so I know you understand me."

I nod slightly.

He smacks me across the face again... this time hard enough that I stumble back away and the pain jolts me into awareness... and anger.

"I nodded," I yell at him, rushing forward to push him roughly. "What the hell did you do that for?"

He smirks. "There you are, I was worried I'd lost you for a second. All that anger you're feeling? Focus on it, and then channel it right into the death eaters and doing  
what we need to do."

"Fine," I snap, still annoyed with him.

"If it makes you feel any better," he says. "Once we all get out of here alive I'll allow you a free hit at me."

"Even the face?" I ask.

"Anywhere but the face and family jewels," he says.

"Well that seems hardly fair, why tempt me with that offer at all?"

"Because mate, there is no doubt in my mind that we'll all get back safely and I've always been the pretty one out of the two of us… I'd hate to have that ruined just because I managed to save your life."

I pull a face. "So arrogant,"

"You're wasting time," he replies and tugs me forward.

"Coming Longbottom?"

Frank looks up through blood shot eyes. "Not sure how much use I'll be,"

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Am I going to have to slap you too? How about you pause the pity party and we can resume it once we've got the girls?"

Frank glares at Sirius which only makes him grin.

"Won't be too long beautiful," he says to Carla giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "We can also resume what we started before,"

Carla giggles and waves him off. "Just come back in one piece ok? I love you,"

"You're my world," he responds before grabbing my arm and apparating us.

When my feet touch ground again it occurs to me that Sirius has apparated us without actually knowing where the hell we should be going.

The same thing must occur to Frank because he pushes Sirius roughly.

"What the hell are you doing? We didn't even formulate a plan yet, where are we?"

Sirius purses his lips, then begins calmly. "Bellatrix said there was a surprise; which means she wants you to find it. This is where she lives, I thought I was making a pretty logical decision."

Frank shuts his mouth and looks away.

I feel like either laughing or crying.

Of course Sirius knows what to do, of course he'd be the one to take control and get us closer to finding the girls.

A thought hits me and I feel a smile spread across my face.

This may be their turf but Sirius knows more about Bellatrix and her habits than almost anyone and Sirius is that pig headed that he won't allow failure to puncture his ego.

With Sirius?

I'm starting to believe it might just be ok.

"Earth to Prongs? You in there?"

I come back to reality to Frank and Sirius looking at me expectantly.

"Yeah, I'm here. What's the next plan?"

"We need to get onto the grounds undetected, there will be precautions set up everywhere so I brought this to help,"

He pulls my invisibility cloak out of his pocket.

I look at him in awe. He really has thought of everything.

"So, say we get through this almost impossible security detail, what then?" Frank asks.

Sirius sighs. "Oh that will be the easy part. After we get in we've got to get to the cellar,"

"The cellar?" I ask.

He nods grimly. "When we were kids… my mother and father would force me and Regulus to play with Bellatrix. The cellar was her domain… she'd force the house elves to fight each other… sometimes to the death and she'd take great pleasure in seeing how long it would take different animals to die. Regulus would always start crying and beg her to stop… she nearly cut his hand off once for stopping her from stabbing her house elf in the heart. He's creepily fond of our family's house elf you see,"

He gets a wistful look on his face. "I broke her arm preventing her from hurting him. Fat lot of good that did, he still picked her over me didn't he?"

I want to give him a hug or something to stop him from looking so sad and heartbroken. I knew Regulus's betrayal had hurt him… I just had no idea to what degree.

"Anyway," he says in a shaky voice. "I know that's where she'll have them kept so that's where we need to be."

"Sirius," Frank asks quietly. "Do you think she'll have killed them yet?"

"No," Sirius says firmly. "She likes the audience. I'm betting she's tried a few scare tactics, maybe tried to break them emotionally but she won't fatally injure them until we get there,"

I swallow down a burst of hysteria. "Well, I suggest we hurry."

LILY

Why won't Alice wake up? It's been at least an hour, maybe more.

Tears keep steadily streaming down my face, they've been pretty constant for the whole hour so at this point I don't even try to wipe them away.

God, what have we gotten ourselves into? This is not how it's meant to go down. I'm not meant to be taken down chained and on my knees. How the mighty have fallen.

I hang my head in shame.

God I'm pathetic.

Powerful kicks have me doubling over in pain.

"Ok, ok I get it," I say looking down. "No more pity party. I'm trying to find a way out ok? It's just not looking great,"

More kicking.

"Shit! Ok, I'll keep trying! You know, we're going to have to talk about this attitude you're developing."

"Lily?"

I spin around, running forward towards Alice before being yanked back by the chains around my wrists.

I look down at the blood that's now dripping down my hands and onto the floor.

That's not good.

I shake myself back to reality and crawl forward as far as I can.

"Alice, are you ok? I'm right here,"

"Lily, what's going on?" she asks fearfully.

"Bellatrix had us captured," I replied. "We're being left here for her sick amusement until James and Frank attempt a rescue."

"What happens then?" she whispers.

"Nothing," I say after a brief hesitation. "Because we're not going to wait here to find out. You'll see, it's going to be fine."

"I can't see though,"

"I know, it looks bleak now but trust me I'll find a way out,"

"No," she says louder. "I can't see at all Lily My eyes… they've been glued shut or something,"

"What? Are you sure? It is pretty dark in here,"

"No," she says in hysterics. "I can't open my eye lids at all! They've blinded me!"

"Ok, ok calm down, we'll work this out. I can't see too well but I don't think they've shackled you as firmly as me, feel around can you find where your cuffs are?"

She shuffles around and after a minute or two of chains clinking it goes silent.

"Alice?"

"Only one leg is bolted to the wall," she calls back. "I don't think they've used much magic."

"I get hands and leg bolts, plus magic. I don't know whether to feel pissed off or flattered."

Alice squeaks out a little laugh.

"Lily, I can't die here. Not now, not when I have so much to live for. Not with this beautiful baby growing inside of me. I can't die here, I just can't."

"You're not going to," I say fiercely. "I'm not going to let it happen ok? I will get you out safely. You are going to watch your little one grow up. He is going to see how amazing his parents are and you will all live a wonderful life ok?"

"How do you know?"

"I don't," I reply honestly. "But I'm really hopeful."

She sniffles then clears her throat. "Ok, so what's the plan then?"

"I don't have one yet, but I will."

"Is there any way out that you can see?"

"Just the dead bolt door in front of us,"

We fall into silence as we try to figure out our options.

"I'm sorry I'm so weak," she says quietly just as an idea hits me.

"No, Alice, I think you're a lot stronger than you think. Why do you think they didn't bother to re enforce your restraints?"

"Because they figured I'd be too useless to try and escape."

"No. They hit me over the head to knock me out, what did they do to you?"

"Hit me with a spell to knock me out,"

I begin grinning. "Exactly! I don't think they banked on you waking up so soon…or without their help. That's why they focused on me and not you, which means you have already thwarted one of their plans."

"What exactly are you saying?" she asks slowly.

"I'm saying you just became out secret weapon. As soon as they come in again you have to pretend you're passed out, I'll draw them closer to me and then you attack ok? We'll steal their wand and make a break for it."

"That sounds good in theory Lily but how can you be sure they'll come back?"

I smile wryly. "Because it's Bellatrix and she never knows when to quit."

"Is it horrible that I don't want James and Frank to show up?" she asks.

"Why?"

"Because if it is all going to end, I don't want them to lose their lives in some suicide attempt to rescue us."

I sigh. "Unfortunately, they too don't know when to quit so it's pretty unlikely that they'd just let us go."

"Stubborn idiots," she hisses.

"You got that right," I say with a smile.

"Lily?"

"Yeah Al?"

"Can you hear that or am I going crazy?"

I let silence fall between us again and for a few moments I hear nothing but then my ears pick up something faint.

Some sort of digging or something.

"I can hear it," I whisper. "But I'm pretty impressed how quickly you picked it up, maybe they did you a favour by sealing your eyes."

"Good, it's about time we got some luck. It's coming from the back wall, what do you think it is?"

I don't even have a clue, but it was getting louder which meant closer.

"One of their tricks?" I ask. "Do you feel anything that can be used as a weapon near you?"

She shuffles around. "Not really, just my chains which I suppose I could use to strangle them with if I got a good enough hold."

I whistle low and loud. "Wow, welcome to the party bad arse Alice,"

She chuckles a bit. "Who knew huh? Brace yourself, I think we're just about to find out what or who is paying us a visit."

We wait in a tense silence as a rustling and creaking sound draws nearer.

There's a rumble and soft lurch and then just as I think I might have a heart attack from the anticipation, familiar black hair appears.

"Carla?"

Her teeth shine bright in the darkness.

"Surprised?"

I'm actually lost for words. How the hell did she get here? And where did she come form? A trap door or something?

"Are the guys with you?" Alice asks frantically.

"No, I'm just here by myself," Carla says back as she pulls herself up and hurries over to us.

"By yourself?" I repeat.

I can't be sure but I think she's giving me an indignant look. "I'm actually pretty capable of rescuing you too you know? I'm not always the sook waiting in the wings with my head buried in the sand."

"No, I know that," I say hurriedly, trying to back track. "I'm just surprised to see you and I guess I'm just in shock."

"It's ok, I'm pretty shocked myself. I was waiting at your place for news when a strange owl dropped off a note with a photo of you in Hogwarts and an address at the back with instructions on how to get in. No clue who sent it though."

"So strange, who could be trying to help us?"

"Who cares? I'm just glad someone is for once! Holy shit these binds are nearly impossible. I'm going to have to blast them off which is going to be a pretty obvious thing so I'm going to try with Alice first ok?"

"Yeah, just hurry. Bellatrix could come back at any moment,"

She hurries over to Alice and within a few moments she has her freed.

"Get down that hatch Alice," Carla instructs. "It's going to take you out to the far gardens, there are death eaters patrolling so you're going to have to be very careful ok? Once you can get out of the gardens and onto a gravel path you'll be safe to apparate."

"I can't see anything," Alice whispers. "I won't know where I'm going."

"Fucking bastards! Ok, get down the hatch and just wait for us safely ok? If we don't come down in the next 10 minutes then you're going to have to feel your way out then run as fast as you can and apparate when you feel it's best."

"I don't want to leave you,"

"Alice, I will seal your mouth shut if you don't hurry the fuck up, now move!"

Alice shuffles away as fast as she can and then Carla turns her attention to me.

"Ok, I'm going to pick the locks of your hands; they don't seem to be as powerfully bound, then I'm going to have to try a series of counter curses on your leg chains then when they are weakened blast them off."

"Provided you don't amputate my limbs, what about James and the boys? I'm sure they're on their way here. What if we disappear and then they arrive and die because of us?"

"Goddamnit," Carla curses. "Sirius is definitely a martyr. Ok, well I got the note not long after they left so I've got to assume they're still in the gardens somewhere. We are going to have to take our chances and try and find them there. I can't leave you here to die Lily, it's just not an option."

"So what are you suggesting we do?"

"Pray that my plans works and then run like hell before they can catch us," she says tersely.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes as she begins on my locks.

Please don't let James or anyone else I love die. Please don't let me lose anyone else. I'll do anything. Please. Please. Please.

I repeat this over and over again as my own little mantra, praying that if I mean it enough and say it enough times it will come true.

"Ok, now comes the part where you get ready to run ok?" Carla says.

"Ok,"

"Three, two…"

I'm blasted backwards by the sheer force of the spell, slamming into the ground so hard I think I may have broken my tail bone.

I'm not pulled back by the cuffs though and the sheer relief of being free from them almost counteracts the pain.

Almost.

"Don't just sit there stunned, get your skinny arse moving!" Carla shouts just as a commotion starts outside.

I don't need telling twice and half run, half limp to the small trap door, which I have to hand it to whoever created this room, is invisible unless you knew it's there.

Carla roughly pushes me down and then slides in after me, enclosing the door above us and then ushering me forward in haste.

"Not over yet red, gotta keep moving a little further,"

We move as fast as I'm able for a minute or so before we encounter Alice, hand pressed against the wall as she tries to run forwards blindly.

"Al, we're here," I say as I take her free hand.

"Oh thank god, I was starting to worry. Was I heading in the right direction Carla?"

"Sure were and we need to keep heading this way with no room for breaks,"

I smile over at Carla. "Look at you, all General like. Suits you,"

"You can admire me later, right now all that's important is getting you both home."

As we nearly reach the end of the tunnel where I can see a glimpse of the moon we hear it;

The unmistakable sounds of battle and Bellatrix's scream of fury.

Guess the boys have arrived and our absence has been noted.

"Now comes the hard part," Carla says grimly.

She pulls out two wands from her bra. "Here, I picked these up on my way here, Frank found them on the ground outside,"

I take my wand from her and grip it tightly. "Here we go again,"

As we rush into the lush, green gardens I'm immediately surprised by it's beauty and the fact that a Death eater would keep it so meticulously. After I've taken in the scenery I then notice the boys on the opposite of the garden, forming a triangle of defence as they blast off the incoming death eaters.

"What's going on?" Alice asks, knuckles white from gripping her wand so tightly.

"We need to get Alice out asap," Carla says to me under her breath. "She's in the highest danger. Take her and run to the edge of gardens and then apparate home, I'm going to help the boys get free."

"No," I say firmly. "You take her, you know the way. I'm going to help my husband."

"Lily-"

"It's not a negotiation," I say firmly and then sprint away from them and towards the boys.

A stream of curses follow me but I ignore them and remain focused at the task at hand.

"Potter!"

I duck just in time to miss a killing curse.

I whip around to see Bellatrix, her black hair whipping wildly in the breeze, her eyes black.

"You and me then," she snarls.

"Let's see what you're made of,"

I grip my wand and stand straight facing her.

If I'm going to go down it is going to be fighting and on my feet standing proud and defiant. If I die today it is on my own terms.

"This is not going to be quick," she says as she dances closer.

"Damn right," I snap shooting a curse that she barely dodges.

"Hmm… maybe you won't completely embarrass yourself,"

I roll away from a stream of curses and manage to nick her ear which starts bleeding.

"Don't you ever get tired of hearing yourself speak? I'd almost welcome death if it meant it shut you up,"

"You're being rude," she says with a pout as I'm knocked off my feet. "I should like to teach you some manners first."

"Lily!"

I close my eyes as I recognise James' voice.

Please stay away, I whisper. This doesn't have to be the end for you too.

"Oh goody, two for the price of one. I feel like the odds are in my favour today,"

I blast her so her nose breaks and blood gushes out.

"Shut. Up!"

Before James can reach me I cast a shielding charm to keep him from getting through.

"This time I save you," I say. "Please get home,"

He's smashing against the boundary uselessly and screaming for my name as I say this.

I do my best to ignore him and focus on the battle in front of me. I will need everything I possess if I'm going to win this.

"You know, I have never seen what Severus sees in you," she says conversationally once she knocks me off my feet again and I'm crawling over to my wand.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, hoping to distract her long enough to arm myself again.

"He hides it well, he has our Lord convinced but I see through him. I see the …love he holds for you,"

She sneers down at me. "Disgusting. That's what it is. His affection for you weakens him and in doing so, weakens our purpose. Once I dispose of you, that will all change."

"Who's to say I won't kill you?" I pant as I finally reach my wand, sliding it down by my side.

She laughs loudly. "That, is not ever going to happen. In every way I am far more superior than you. Blood, magic and choice of company."

I want to block her voice out, her words that are hitting me just as hard as her curses.

Using a huge burst of energy I curse her so she flies off her feet and lands on her arm, breaking it.

"If you don't shut up," I hiss. "I will shut you up,"

Amazingly, she acts as though she feels no pain and gets right back up.

I work hard to keep any fear from showing but truly, I am terrified. She is right about one thing; she does have superior dark magic.

And with the pregnancy and the recent events I'm exhausted it's a struggle to even hold my wand up.

She's got that insane smile on her face as she approaches me, panting as she throws blow after blow at me until I can't muster up enough strength to block her anymore and I collapse on the ground; my whole body shaking.

"I'm going to bleed you dry mudblood," she hisses. "Say hello to your parents for me."

She raises her wand and I scurry back as she casts her curse; knowing that it will hit me anyway.

But it doesn't.

Instead a body stands in front of me providing me with protection and then through hazy eyes I watch a sparks of light fly back and forth until my saviour falls down beside me just as I see Bellatrix lie unconscious a few metres away.

At first I can't process anything except that there's an awful lot of red everywhere. Where did that come from?

Am I really still alive?

A few moments pass until I can finally start functioning properly and then the full horror hits me as I see Carla looking up at me with love; blood pooling around her throat, her ears, her nose and her chest.

"Carla!" I shriek as I crawl forward, pulling her body across mine. "Oh no, oh no, no no. What did you do? Carla what did you do!"

"I regret nothing," she whispers, blood bubbling out of her throat. "Tell Sirius I love him,"

"No, Carla," I sob, holding her close, trying to will her back to health. "Just hold on, I'll get you some help,"

"We both know I'm past that. It's ok Lily, really. I finally fought for those I love and I… I helped keep you all safe tonight. They can never take that away from me. Be safe," she says, her grip on my hand slackening.

"Carla!" I scream. "Carla don't do this to me please, please don't do this!"

She smiles, her teeth red as blood flows everywhere. "I regret nothing,"

With the smile still on her face, she lays limp in my arms, with only the faintest beating of her heart.

"No!" I scream. "No, no, no!"

With my energy waning, so did my magic and James finally rushes forward, grabbing my arm as I keep a death like grip on Carla.

"We're going home," he says tightly and then the next moment I'm still cradling Carla on the kitchen floor as she continues to bleed out.

Moments after we arrive, Sirius and Frank are there and one look at Sirius's heart broken face and I'm immediately wishing it was me that was hit with the curse.

God I wish it was me.

He strides forward and takes her body from me.

"Sirius," I begin in a broken voice.

"I'm taking her to Mungo's," he says.

"Sirius…mate," James starts but one look from Sirius and James falls silent.

"Still a pulse, it's not over. It will never be over." he says more to himself than us and then he's gone.

-  
Against James advice an hour later I'm in the waiting room at the hospital, trying to get any answers about what has happened to Carla and Sirius.

"You need to get checked out yourself," James is insisting. "The trauma could have hurt the baby,"

"We have a fighter James," I say absently, grabbing his hand and putting it on my stomach. "See? Still kicking away. If you want to be useful, find out what's going on here,"

James gets up just as Sirius walks towards us, blood still covering his clothes.

I run towards him and throw my arms around his shoulders; he doesn't try to return the hug.

"Oh Sirius, I've been so worried. What's going on?"

"She's still in surgery," he says tonelessly. "Should hear any moment now."

"Sirius, I'm sorry, this is all my fault. Please, just let me-"

He holds his hand up to cut me off. "Please don't, because I can't. Not right now."

I blink back tears and nod, stepping away from him.

James doesn't get the memo or perhaps he doesn't care because he throws his arms around Sirius, pulling him close and refusing to let up until finally and every so slowly; Sirius hands come up and start to embrace James back.

"Mr Black?"

We all jump and turn around to the surgeon looking over at us in pity.

"What's going on? When can I see her?" Sirius asks.

One look in his eyes and I don't even need to hear the surgeon's next words to know what's happened.

"I am so sorry. We did all we could but the curse was too strong and she lost too much blood. I truly am so sorry for your loss."

I burst into tears and with tears of his own streaming down his face James pulls me tight.

Sirius on the other hand sheds no tears, has no anguish on his face.

In fact he looks at the doctor with such coolness that it completely transforms him to a completely different person and I start to feel anxious.

"I'm sorry to have to do this, but I have some personal items here for you to sign for. Necklace, watch, wand and diamond ring,"

James and I both freeze. The horror of this situation almost too much to comprehend.

"Diamond ring?" James asks slowly.

We turn to Sirius who is expressionless as he signs the forms and then pulls the ring out of the envelope.

"Sirius?" I ask softly. "Did you ask Carla to marry you tonight?"

Sirius doesn't reply, nor does he show any sign that he heard me.

He just stares at the beautiful ring, rubbing it between his fingers.

"Padfoot?" James asks tentatively.

Sirius looks up and his eyes are so dead, so lifeless that I find myself gasping and backing away. Already I felt like two of my best friends died tonight.

"I asked her to grow old with me," he says harshly. "But that's a bit pointless now isn't it?"

Dropping the ring carelessly at his feet he strides away from us.

Not looking back once.


	84. Chapter 84

Hey everyone,  
First of all i am SOOOOO sorry it has taken so long, but to my defense my laptop completely died and i moved interstate with my boyfriend so currently I have no internet or laptop. This is going to be a short, probably dodgy chapter since I'm house sitting for a friend this weekend so I've had to quickly slap SOMETHING together for you whilst I save for another computer and internet.  
I hope everyone's xmas and new year was amazing,

as always;

mcanonymous, PurpleChimpanzee24, poppy-gryffindor, Jaily27, PixiePrincessDances,Jacki James Criss Potter, Jellyfish13,Insanely-Yours96,Starkidpotter13,Isabella x,JameslilyFOREVER,Hp loverr,LoveHP,Sarahrules336,Nicsherm, missyca23,Jollyfish, The DA is dressed to the nines,RavenclawLupin11,anon,xXIloveharrypotterXx, Life Gives You Lemons, I-will-marry-Sirius-Black, Loona22, MarauderDraconis, lynnnnyl, mihopecyrus1, thebritishone, mysticrox123,owugirl10, AshJaz.

Thank you all so so so much, truly means the world to me that you still find time to read my little story. You're the best.  
Lots of love always,  
xxxxx xxxxx

JAMES

Shattered.

That is how I feel. That has what has happened to our friendships.  
And that is what life has become.

It has been three days since anyone has heard from Sirius.

He's not at home, he isn't at any of his old haunts and he didn't take our mirror with him.

I've searched everywhere, Lily has tried a locating charm and still no trace. It is literally like he has vanished off the face of the earth.

I sit down on his bed, still unmade from when he and Carla last slept in it.

What a disaster.

I put my head in my hands and cry. Not just a few tears but actually sobs that wrack my whole body.

Apart from losing Lily or our child; this is the worst kind of nightmare I could ever imagine; losing my brother and my rock in this world. He's not even dead and yet to me…this seems even worse.

Sirius has always been the positive shining light in this mess of a world. He has always been the one to make things better and force us to continue fighting.

He's gone.

I feel as though half of me has been ripped apart. I feel like after years of planting roots inside me with our memories and love, everything has been ripped out and I have been rendered broken, useless…incomplete.

A particularly loud sobs escapes me and I shove my knuckles into my mouth to stifle the sound. I have to try and pull myself together. Lily can't see me like this. She's got enough to worry about with planning the funeral under the doctor's orders of not exceeding three hours on her feet a day.

I have to be strong for my family. I have to be strong even though I feel like I may never be ok again. I have to be strong now because I would need Sirius to be strong for me if the situation had been reversed.

I sigh deeply.

Sirius where are you? Why won't you let me help?

"Thought I'd find you here,"

I jump and quickly brush the tears from my face, praying it's not too obvious how weak I am.

"James," Lily says softly.

"I'm fine," I say trying to smile. "I was just hoping I'd find him here…bit stupid really."

"It's ok to be upset… you have a pretty good reason to be."

"I'm fine," I repeat nut there's no conviction in my voice.

She look at me like she's actually looking into my soul and shakes her head.

"None of us are fine,"

I swallow down another sob. "I appreciate what you're doing but really, I'm doing alright. I just wish I knew where he was or if he's ok. It doesn't really matter, I'm going to go find Frank and see if he can use me,"

I go to walk past her but she grabs my arm with such force i['m stopped in my tracks.

"Stop it," she says quietly.

I keep my face turned away. I will not cry in front of Lily. I will not be the one that needs comfort. I will be a man. I will be strong.

Her soft hand cups my chin and forces me to look at her.

"You are not weak because you have feelings. Don't do this. Don't push me away, we're a team remember? We're stronger together than apart. Did you think I'd think less of you because you're devastated that your brother has disappeared and our friend is dead? Give me some credit James, I don't care if you cry, hell, if you want to start breaking things I'm fine with that too. What I'm not ok with? The distance I can feel between us. Please don't make me feel anymore alone than I already have to. Please don't make me lose anyone else."

I open my mouth aiming on telling a joke to lighten the mood but instead a strangled sob forces it's way out and I find myself curled in Lily's arms as unrelenting waves of devastation wrack my body.

To Lily's credit she doesn't look at me with pity, she doesn't try to tell me its ok. She just stands firm and holds me steady. My girl. My rock. My everything.

"He'll be back," she says once my sobs have quietened down.

"No he won't. He's gone for good."

She grips my wrist so tight it begins to ache. "Don't say that. Never say that. He needs time, he needs to grieve then heal, but he also needs you. I may be the love of your life but he's your soul mate. Nothing can change that. Not ever."

She's so sure, so firm in her belief that I find it impossible to argue.

"When do you think he'll be back?" I whisper.

"I don't know that, only that he will be."

It's only then that I remember that we're still standing and Lily is wasting precious moments comforting me.

"Here, sit down." I instruct.

She bats my hands away impatiently. "I'm fine where I am. Come on, we've gotta go make sure everything is set up and no one needs any help."

This time it's me that grabs her wrist as she tries to go.

"And you? You're allowed to cry too you know. Carla was your best friend. You don't need to be strong for everyone.

She barks out a laugh. "Trust me; I'm not."

"Lily-" I start but she silences me with a kiss.

"Just let me deal in my own way. Let me get through the next couple of days ok? I can't focus on anything else right now and if I sit down now I don't think I'll be able to get back up again."

I nod, understanding that really, we're all just hanging on by a very thin tether and to get through both Carla and the Prewett's funerals we're going to need to combine all our strength.

"You would think we'd be getting better at losing people with all the experience we have," I say as I lead her down the stairs.

"I don't think I could ever get used to it," she whispers. "I don't think it gets any easier either."

I press her hand to my lips. "If I could eliminate all the darkness and pain I would do it in a heart beat,"

She smiles slightly. "I know you would."

At that moment there's a loud clatter as Alice drops a glass jug and it shatters along with all its contents, all over the floor.

She immediately kneels down, cutting her knees and hands as she tries to collect all the pieces.

"I'm so sorry, I must have lost my footing. I'm so clumsy. I'll clean it all up I swear. I'll clean it than replace the jug…and I'll make more juice!"

Frank gently pulls the glass out of her bleeding hands. "Come on, honey."

"I'll fix it," she babbles hysterically. "It was Carla's and it's broken. Shattered. Smashed."

Frank scoops her into his arms then quickly leaves to no doubt tend to her wounds and maybe try to calm her hysteria down too.

Lily looks down to the shattered glass mingled with blood on the floor and her smooth façade of calm starts to falter and her shaking hand rests on her belly as she falls into a chair, eyes closed.

Remus rushes to dampen a towel for Lily as I massage slow circles into her temple.

"Lily…you're pregnant?"

I freeze at the voice but it's Remus who replies.

"What do you want?"

"I came to say goodbye and…offer any help you might need."

"We don't," he says stiffly then exits the room leaving me, Lily and Violet in an uneasy silence.

LILY

"I guess I deserved that," Violet says quietly.

I'm frozen in place, unable to sort through my feelings and unable to move.

Violet is here. Violet has returned. Carla is dead. Sirius is missing. Violet is three feet away from me.

I recite these facts to myself, trying to awaken some sort of response, but I remain frozen.

James moves first, stiffly enveloping Violet in a hug then ushering her into the chair next to me.

No one says a word.

I don't even look at her.

Am I angry she left? Relieved she's ok and made it back? I don't know how to feel to be honest or that I even have room for anything other than grief.

"How did you know?" I ask in a raspy voice.

"I…I have people check in on Remus from time to time. You know…to see if he's ok and then yesterday I got wind he was attending a funeral today. I came as soon as I heard."

I look up and finally take all of her in. She is a completely different girl from the hysterical bloody one that left us so long ago. Her skin is clear, no dark circles under her eyes, no bruises and no blood. She looks healthy, pretty… she looks good. She looks like we should if we weren't stuck living in a war zone.

And I hate her for it.

"How far along are you?" she asks.

"Five months," I say stiffly.

"Congratulations, you really deserve it. Wow I feel like I've missed so much."

It's not until now that I realise how pissed off I am at her. For escaping this life, for living a normal life without us, for breaking Remus's heart but most of all for returning because now Remus will never move on.

"And who's fault is that?" I snap.

Violet looks like I've slapped her and James stands, raising his hands to try and placate me, to diffuse the situation.

"It's a rough time for everybody, maybe we could all do with some air."

"No James, it's ok," Violet says quietly, than raises her weary eyes to meet my furious ones. "I'm sorry Lily, I didn't come back to cause trouble… I just wanted to see if I could help."

I stand now, shaking. "Carla's dead, Sirius is missing, I could lose my baby at any moment due to the stress, Alice will be lucky if she doesn't suffer the same. Remus is _still_ broken from the last time you left and it seems we've a funeral to attend every month. You missed it all, you haven't bothered to write, to care and now you come back for what? To help? Tell me how you're going to fix that!"

There are tears streaming down her face. "Alice is…_Carla's dead?_"

James eyes Violet with pity. "You didn't know?"

"I…I thought it was the Prewett's funeral. I didn't know… oh my god I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"

James puts an arm around her shoulders and lets her sob into him.

Maybe it's the hormones or perhaps I've been through too much and I'm incapable of sympathy anymore but either way her tears aggravate me and I storm outside.

I pant as I cling to the balcony, grief and exhaustion getting the better of me.

Warm hands are placed gently on my shoulders.

"You shouldn't exert yourself in your condition."

Remus' worn, kind face smiles down at me.

I rub my belly again, the kicking a great comfort to me, proving I do have some sort of life inside me, something pure and innocent.

"I don't know why she bothered to come back," I hiss.

Remus sighs. "I don't know if I have it in me to watch her leave again."

"This week sucks."

He chuckles softly. "I've definitely had better. Listen, I owe you an apology,"

I'm now genuinely confused. "Me? What for?"

"I should have been there… that night. Maybe it I had been…"

I place my hand over his mouth. "The result would have been the same Remus. It…it's fucking awful what happened. I feel like I've lost something I can never, ever get back and I don't know how I'll be able to live without it. The truth is; no one is going to heal from this but… it's no one's fault either. Except maybe mine."

He opens his mouth to object but I continue before he can.

"I was there. I was the reason she came back and I was the intended target. I know where the blame lies Remus…and it's not on you."

He stares at me in silence, trying to find the right words to say.

Nothing comes.

I grimace a bit. "I'm going to check on Alice then I suppose we should start getting ready. Guests arrive in an hour."

I leave him standing alone out there before I do something really stupid like collapse in tears.

When I go to find Alice I find she's all huddled up with Violet, crying and cuddling, the bond between them unmistakable. Everything forgotten, everything forgiven.

I envy them.

Not ready to face anyone yet I head back up stairs and lie on the bed. It seems like Carla; like jasmine and sandal wood. The fact that it smells like her, that her head is still imprinted in the pillow and her glass of water still lays untouched by her bed is almost too much to bear.

It's too much this room that has her touch in every part of it, this house that has her presence in every room, every wall, every goddamn corner.

The tears come fast and hard and the pain that slams into me is so real, so immediate that for a moment I believe that I may be going into early labour.

I'm not though but the pain doesn't lessen, the tears don't stop and breathing does not return to normal.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper again and again and again.

It's my fault. All of it. I got Carla killed. I destroyed Sirius' life and endangered my own child for what? A duel I knew I could never win. Pride? Revenge?

At that moment I am so repulsed by myself that I begin to wretch over the side of the bed.

Nothing comes out. I guess I really am empty.

I don't realise I've fallen asleep until James familiar hands are stroking my hair and calling me back to him.

"Lily…Lily love, wake up."

I open one eye, hopeful for a moment that it's been completely a dream, some nightmare I couldn't shake off.

"The guests are arriving," he says softly.

I slam my eyes shut again. No, no nightmare. Life is far too cruel for that.

"Honey? Are you feeling up to going?"

Not really. In fact I don't even know if I have the strength to open my eyes or even breathe anymore but I manage to nod and allow James to pull me up.

"I just want to get dressed," I murmur quietly.

"No problems love, I'll be down stairs waiting unless you need me or anything?"

I shake my head and once he leaves I consider going straight back to bed, closing my eyes and just remaining safe in my dreams but a sharp kick to my ribs wakes me up.

"Alright!" I snap. "I get it, the pity party is over. I'm getting up now."

I dress quickly and without really glancing at myself in the mirror I make my way downstairs.

It is overwhelming, the amount of people that have showed up. Every inch of space in the house and the vast forest outside is filled with people dressed in black, gripping each other close, sharing in the loss of Carla but the celebration of her life.

"Wow," James says next to me.

I allow myself a smile. "I'm not surprised. She was something special, something rare… something beautiful."

It's stunning how the place has been decorated. Silver and pink banners hang around the trees, photo's of Carla smiling, laughing, pulling faces are everywhere. It is not fancy, it is not intricate…it is beyond that. Every where I look, every thing I see and feel is love… and isn't that the most beautiful thing of all?

There is only one speech to be made today and it's mine.

I step up nervously to the podium, look around at all the faces staring at me, all the faces that loved Carla, that cherished her and understood that she was the best of us all.

I take a deep breath. "I'm not going to make this long because Carla would be the first to start throwing fruit at me if I went on too long so I'm just going to say this;

Carla was the sister I wish I had, she was my best friend and the best part of me. The best times of my life, my best memories are with her and the love I feel could never be taken away. I will miss her every moment of everyday but for us? There will never be a good bye. She is a part of me, she will always be a part of my life, my soul and I will take her with me everywhere.

Please, instead of thinking how tragic this is, honour Carla by remembering her every time you see a beautiful flower, a sun rise or a single act of goodness because I think we all know Carla will always be around us in the best things and most beautiful moments in life. Now if everyone can form a line behind me, there are markers by the stage… please write a message for Carla on her coffin that way when she's cremated she will take our words…and our love with you."

I step down before the tears can overwhelm me again and head straight to the beautiful wooden coffin with a bright pink marker.  
_I will love you forever. I will miss you more than words and I will live life in your honour. You are my heart, my soul, my life._

The tears begin to fall then and stiffly I walk away from the crowd so I may have a moment to myself. James will have the wake under control and I know I can't keep composed in front of all these people so instead I apparate to the crematorium…awaiting my final farewell to my sister.

I wait patiently for the urn with her ashes to be brought to me but after sitting for over an hour it becomes increasingly clear to me that I am not here alone.

With a huge amount of effort I get to my feet and cautiously walk towards where I heard steps.

As if sensing my presence they begin to hasten.

"Sirius, I know that's you."

The steps halt for a moment and I know I'm right.

I start to jog and pray he will slow down because I know the time on my feet is running low and I cannot afford to take anymore chances with my child's life.

I come around the corner and he's still standing where he froze.

"You missed the funeral," I say casually. "I thought you'd want to say goodbye."

"Good bye?" he barks harshly. "I don't need to everyone's pitying gazes and tears to say goodbye. There will not ever be a goodbye for us."

"Then why did you come here?"

With his back still turned to me he raises a necklace with what appears to be a small hour glass attached to it.

"Now she's with me forever,"

The pain in my chest sparks wildly again and I have to double over.

He doesn't rush to my side, he doesn't ask if I'm ok, he just remains motionless in front of me and that is when I know I lost him. That he must hate me.

I don't blame him.

"Sirius, it may not mean anything to you but I am so sorry ok? This is all my fault. I wish… if I could take her place I would do it in a second. Don't you know that?"

I'm sobbing now, barely able to articulate my words.

"You have to know that if I could give Carla back I would do it, no matter what the cost. You have every right to hate me ok? I have earned that but please don't shut James out. He loves you so much and you are going to need each other to get through this. Don't punish him for my mistake."

"I don't want that," he says roughly. "For James to lose both you and your child. I would not wish that on him. I don't blame you."

"Then why won't you even face me?" I scream.

He whips around now and he is almost unrecognisable. The charming, carefree beauty he had is replaced with rage, with darkness.

"Because I can't look at you without feeling pissed off that you're here and Carla isn't!"

He screams this as me then starts towards me and I actually stumble onto my back, for the first time completely terrified of what he might do with me."

He sees the fear in my eyes and stops, turning away from me once more.

"Until I can come to grips with the fact that she's dead, until I can look at without wanting to hurt myself or someone else I can't be around you…or anyone. Look after James and that baby ok? Good bye Lily."

I crawl forward to fling myself at his feet and beg for mercy but I land on thin air.

It hits me all at once then. The horror, the pain… the guilt.

I curl into a ball and cry until I feel nothing at all.


	85. Chapter 85

Hello Munchkins, here's an early valentines present for you, since I hold so much love for you all. Still waiting on my own computer but I managed to get to the library today so got this little update for you :)  
hope its to your standards, feels so rushed when i'm on a time frame!  
as always this story would not get written without the support of a few amazing people;

lexxilex, Pretty-little-mudblood, IAskedHerToGrowOldWithMe, loneelffight, owugirl10, michellenessa, loona22, missyca23, lynnnnyl, sarahrules336, goldensnitch, starkidpotter13, , jacki james criss potter, life gives you lemons, the DA is dressed to the nines, nicsherm.

Thank you all so so so much :) I truly appreciate the effort you put in. Lots of love  
xxxx

* * *

JAMES

I slip away from the crowd, the sadness surrounding me so palpable I'm almost choking on it. I practically collapse in the bathroom, locking the door behind me as I lay on the cool tiles.  
It's comforting the lack of warmth against my body, the goose bumps spreading across my skin and it almost makes me cry how relieved and comforted I am that I'm still capable of basic human reactions.

How long does it take to cremate someone? I miss Lily. She truly is my anchor. I think of Sirius and the pain in my chest flares up unbearably. She's all I have left now.

My thigh starts to heat up and against the cold unforgiving tiles it's an entirely strange contrast.  
How is it even possible?  
I practically rip my pants off when I realise what it is.  
I pull the mirror, still warm out of my pocket and look into it.

I don't recognise him. The haggard man gazing at me with his sallow skin, limp, shaggy hair and eyes that hold an eternity of pain.

This is not my best friend. This is a man who has lost everything, gone to hell and back and had the misfortune to live.

"James, Lily needs you."

"Sirius?" I gasp.

"Who else would it be?" he asks tonelessly.

"Oh mate! It's so good to hear from you! I tried the mirror so many times but it didn't work, not even a glimpse. I thought you must have left it behind. We've been going crazy trying to find you."

He stares at me stonily. "I didn't want to be found."

"Well, where are you? I'll come get you right now. We can go away for awhile, help you get back on your feet. Just you and me like the old days, what do you say?"

"lily needs you," he says. "She's not in good shape."

What? He's not making any sense.

"What are you talking about? How would you know?"

"Lily needs your help," he repeats. "She didn't look too good when I left her."

His words start to slowly sink in and I start to feel the very real emotion of rage.

"When you left her? When _you_ left _her_! What does that even mean? Did you harm her? I swear to god Sirius, if you hurt her; we're done. Dead girlfriend or not, you even think about hurting Lily and you're as dead to me as Carla."

I'm being callous, I know I am, perhaps I'm even being cruel but this is Lily and my kid and there is nothing I wouldn't sacrifice or do to protect them.

"I did not and would not lay a linger on her."

"You don't want to be found, you don't want help and you've made it pretty clear that you don't want anything to do with us, so why are you telling me this?"

He looks up and the depth of sorrow in his eyes is so endless, so raw and constant that I almost drown in them.

"Just because I'm dead on the inside doesn't mean I want you or anyone else I care about to be."

Why isn't he here so I can hug him, smack him…do something.

"Sirius, please come home."

"I no longer have a home," he says harshly. "Go and find Lily, she's still at the crematorium. Find her and hold her tight, tell her you love her. Appreciate the warmth of her skin and her very presence because you never know what morning you'll wake up to find her gone and any hopes of a future gone with her."

He cuts the connection and I am so heart broken and exhausted it takes me a few moments to remember Lily and then my body is alive again and I'm racing as fast as I can to get to her side.

She's lying on the floor, one arm outstretched as if reaching for someone when I find her.  
At first I freeze when my first thought it that she may be dead but as I force myself to move closer it's clear she's breathing, she's just not conscious.

I lean down and see her other hand resting protectively on her stomach and I take the time to put my hand over hers. The three of us now. My family.

I scoop Lily up in my arms gently, careful not to wake her, to cause any discomfort.  
"James?" she murmurs.

"It's ok," I whisper. "We're going home."

She lets her eyes flutter open.

"Hey," I smile.

She looks up at me intently and then her eyes fill with tears.

"Sirius…" she bursts into tears and I sit us down and rock her back and forth.

"Shh, it's ok."

"He hates me," she sobs.

"No he doesn't," I croon.

"He wishes I had died instead! Not that I blame him, sometimes I wish I had,"

"Hey," I say firmly. "Don't say that, never say that."

"James," she says with a hint of hysteria. "You didn't see him. He's ruined, not broken and I ruined him. He looked right in my eyes and when I looked back I saw a stranger. He doesn't care anymore… he's dead, Carla's dead. I feel like I'm losing everything."

I put her hand under mine and then onto her belly.

"We still have each other. We're still a family."

"Minus a member."

I tilt her chin up with my hand so she can look me in the eyes.

"He'll come back to us, I promise. I'm going to get you home and in bed and then I'll deal with Sirius."

Lily clutches my shirt frantically. "You're not going to kill him."

I shake my head. "No, nothing nearly as merciful as that."

Lily sighs deeply. "Death is never fun but this is the worst."

I get to my feet, keeping her steady in my arms.

"We'll get through it, we always do."

Once we're home it becomes apparent almost immediately that Lily has no plans of going to bed or doing anything I ask.

"I'm not tired and I'm not a child," she snaps as I try to coerce her for the tenth time to get into bed.

"You're well over your time limit for being up and about, you're emotionally exhausted and in no condition to do anything other than rest. You have a life besides your own to consider now, remember?"

Lily looks away ashamed. "I know, but I can't just stay in bed with endless hoards or people coming to offer condolences, I can't do it! The sorrow in their voices, the pity in their eyes… it will truly drive me mad."

I sigh. To be honest I know exactly what she means; it's a different kind of torture the resilient sympathy but she also carries our child and neither of us have done a very good job so far at putting their needs first. In fact, if I'm being brutally honest with myself, we've been down right neglectful.

"You will do this for our child, because it needs to be done," I say firmly. "No excuses, no exceptions. Do you understand me?"

She looks away from me. "Fine."

"I'll try to not be too long,"

That gets her attention.

"Where are you going?"

"I told you, to take care of Sirius. You're wrong you know, about him being gone and not caring. He came to me to tell me you needed help."

Lily's eyes widen in shock.

"He's not ruined my love, just broken and I think I know just how to fix him."

She about to argue with me, but I don't have the time so I rush forward and press my lips against hers.

"Get some sleep ok? I love you,"

I apparate before she has a chance to reply.

It's a long walk to get to where I need to go but I don't even care, I just need to help Sirius. It's a huge thing to ask, I know it is. I don't even know if it's possible but I've gotta try, I owe Sirius that much.

"Sherbet butters," I mutter and then I run as fast as I can as soon as I'm allowed, bursting into Dumbledore's office.

"Sir, please, I need help desperately and you're the only one that can,"

He looks up at me, slightly surprised and then gestures for me to take a seat.

"By all means dear boy, take a seat and let's see what we can work out.

My hands are sweating as I cautiously move around the lake house. Is he going to be here? Is it too late? Am I just wasting my time?

"What are you doing here?"

I spin around and there he is; just sitting in the shadows watching me.

"You know why I'm here Sirius, I want to help."

"How did you find me?"

I pat my chest slightly. "You're a part of me mate, you can't hide forever…I will always follow you, I will always find you."

He gets up abruptly, his eyes blazing. "You know how you can help? You can forget about me and just leave me alone! I don't want you here and I don't need you to rescue me. Just go away and stay away."

"We both know I can't do that mate," I say calmly.

Suddenly I find myself slammed against a wall, his eyes wild and dangerous as he stares me down.

"What if I hurt Lily? That's going to be the end of us right? So do yourself a favour and don't let it come to that."

He's trying to bait me. To piss me off enough that I turn my back on him.

I pull an arm free and try to embrace him.

"It's not going to work Sirius, I'm not leaving."

"Christ, is it possible that I have only just now realised how fucking annoying you are? Just leave me alone! There's nothing you can do to save me ok or help so go."

"Sirius, this isn't what Carla would have wanted."

He shoves me so hard against the wall I can feel a bruise forming. "Don't you fucking talk about her, don't even say her name. How would you know what she wants, did you ask? No, that's right, because she's dead!"

I glance over at the door and he follows me gaze to where Dumbledore is waiting.

He releases me and barks out a laugh. "What's this then? An intervention?"

Dumbledore looks worn. "Of a sort."

"With just the two of you?" he shakes his head mockingly. "Is this all the loved ones I have? Isn't it custom for family to show up too?"

I catch Dumbledore's eye and he nods briefly before swirling his wand creating a bright blue light that dominates the whole house.

Sirius laughs without humour. "What is that? A forgetting spell? A healing one? Sorry mate, guess that only works on the living."

"Oh play boy, look at the mess you've made,"

Sirius freezes. "What is this?"

"I can't hold the spell for long." Dumbledore murmurs with effort. I suggest you do not waste your time."

The blue light dims somewhat and then there clearly visible in the middle of the room is Carla, the same blue light glowing around her.

"Carla?" Sirius croaks.

She smiles at him warmly and almost appears that she's gliding closer to him.

"Hey trouble,"

He looks over at me. "Is this real? Or some sort of joke?"

Carla places her hands on her hips. "Calling me a joke is not a good idea,"

A smile almost makes it to his face. "Hey baby,"

She smiles and glides closer still. "You need to listen to me and listen closely ok because we don't have much time. I need you to get your shit together and stop this wounded act. You're not helping anyone out ok?"

"I can't do it anymore," he whispers, looking down.

"Sirius, yes you can. Listen, you're not just letting me and your friends down by running away… you're letting yourself down."

Sirius looks up with tears streaming down his face. "But you're dead."

"But you're not. Sirius, why do you think Dumbledore had to do some serious mojo for me to be here? I'm not hanging around as a spirit haunting anyone because I have no unfinished business. I died on my terms and I died protecting those I love. I would do it all again in an instant."

He staggers forward and lands on his knees in front of her. "I can't live without you, you're my whole world."

He begins to sob now. So hard it's hard to understand what he's saying.

"How am I ever meant to be happy again? I'm broken, my heart, my spirit, my soul…it's all broken."

"Broken can always be repaired. It's going to be hard and it'd going to hurt but you will be fine ok? I will never truly leave you."

She moves forward and tried to put her hand on his chest but instead she just passes through.

"I'm in here. Forever. I love you Sirius. Dead or not that will never change and they can never take that away from us."

He looks up in a panic. "Don't leave me again! Please! Stay! I'll do anything!"

She looks down sadly. "You have a beautiful life. It's time you started living it."

"I'll do anything if it means being with you Carla. I'll die if I have to!"

A gust of wind knocks him onto his back as Carla step forward, eyes blazing with blue fire.

"You will not. You will pick yourself up, get it together and help win this war. You will start to realise that you have many other people you care about and that are still alive and here that need you and most importantly you will get off your lazy arse and start living because I will never forgive you if you don't!"

He hangs his head in his hands and cries harder.

Her face softens. "You need to stop crying too. Girls won't want to shag you if you're blubbering all over them."

He looks up at her. "You were it for me. Love of my life. There won't be another."

She smiles sadly. "Just promise you'll look after yourself ok? And everyone else too. You need each other."

"Will I ever see you again?"

She moves forward again and glances at Dumbledore, who with tears in his eyes nods slightly.

Blue light starts to fill her and she's so radiant it hurts to look at her.

"One day, when it's time. We have the rest of eternity together."

She moves forward and presses her lips against his and this time her lips make solid contact with his.

When she pulls away blue sparkles of tears run down her face.

"I love you,"

"You're my world," he says hoarsely. The very same response he always replied with.

She turns to my briefly. "James, look after him for me ok? And Lily too, and please make sure she doesn't blame herself. This is how it was meant to be. Enjoy your family and life."

"I promise," I say, voice thick with emotion.

"Keep safe," she calls distantly when she turns back to Sirius as she begins to fade "I'll kill you myself if you get yourself killed before your time.".

The last thing we hear before the light fades is her contagious, beautiful laugh.

Then we're plunged into darkness and Dumbledore slumps to the ground.

He's still awake and breathing so I know he's not hurt; just spent.

I turn to Sirius who is deep in thought with one hand pressed to his lips, the other on his heart.

After a few moments he seems to remember me.

"Prongs?"

I shuffle forward. "Yes mate?"

"Let's go home."

LILY

I'm lying in bed fuming. Of course I'm not getting any sleep. I have a little one kicking the hell out of my bladder, a house filled with people murmuring hoe tragic the whole thing is and my own thoughts which are so deafening I've developed a migraine.

I grunt in frustration. How the hell am I meant to just lie here while James goes out? And if I'm forbidden to leave the room how am I meant to go to the bathroom? God men are such idiots!

"Knock, knock,"

I look up startled, to see Violet standing at the door.

"Not now," I say tersely. "I'm really not in the mood,"

"To talk, or talk to me?" she asks.

"Both."

"Lily, I know you're angry-"

"Do you?" I snap. "That's very astute of you. Wanna tell me why, mind reader?"

She lets herself into the room and shuts the door behind her.

Great. Trapped in this room…with violet, just what I needed.

"I've missed a lot of things,"

"Yes, you have. But I can assume Alice has brought you up to speed so let's talk about you, what have you been doing while we've been fighting for survival here?"

She sighs. "Getting myself together, mostly. I'm going to university to train in being a nurse and I've just been building myself a new life."

"With new friends that you don't have to worry about whether they're going to die before thirty?" I ask.

"Look, I didn't leave to hurt you all on purpose ok? I left because I needed to do it for me."

"No I understand that, I just don't have the same luxury of only thinking of myself."

Tears fill her eyes. "You're being cruel."

"No," I say bluntly. "I'm actually just being honest. You should never have come back and when you undoubtedly leave again you should make sure it's for good."

"Lily, I want to help."

"We don't need it, in fact the biggest help you could provide is disappearing again. Did you even think what this was going to do to Remus again? Do you have any idea how damaged he is because of you? I try to stay positive but I don't actually believe he'll ever recover from the hole you left inside of him."

Anger flashes in her eyes. "I left because I had to ok? Not to hurt you, it wasn't a personal attack and I am sorry it seemed that way but it truly was for the best that I left."

"Then why did you come back?" I retort.

She pauses, my question catching her off guard.

"I came back to make amends," she says slowly. "I know that I have hurt everyone so deeply and it kills me knowing that, you have no idea. I just… I wanted to leave and say a proper goodbye this time and I wanted to see everyone again. I… I've missed everyone. I have a hole in my heart too, you know."

It's too much.

Carla's death, Sirius going off the rails, being a high risk pregnancy, all the death, the destruction and now Violet. It's all too much and I feel like I might pass out from the pressure I feel inside my head.

"I've gotta get out of here," I say briskly, getting out of bed and pushing past her.

"No, Lily, you should stay in bed. I'm sorry, I'll go. Here, please, just let me help you get back."

I push her arms off my angrily. "You've done enough."

I storm out and I know very quickly that I can't go far, that James is right and I need to protect our child so I end up finding solace in the flower bed at the back of the house, near enough to the house and patio that I can hear if James calls for me but further enough away that I can gain some sort of peace.

I sigh deeply. Am I really that angry at Violet? Or is it my own failure at protecting those that I love that I'm projecting onto her?

I shake my head. I can't think too much about it now, my head is already sore enough and I'm not really sure of anything anymore.

As my little one starts to kick up again I know one thing is for certain. James better come home soon and find me because I'm too scared to get back on my feet again.

Tears fills my eyes as I rub my belly. What a failure at a parent I am already.

I'm well and truly feeling sorry for myself and quite settled into my little position when I hear voices getting closer.

Shit, should I leave? I sigh to myself. I don't think I have the strength to move fast enough not to be detected. As the voices get closer I give in and decide to just settle myself in; I'm too exhausted to do anything but lie here and pray I go unnoticed.

"Lily's pretty angry with me still,"

If possible I freeze even more.

"Can you blame her?"

Shit. Remus. I should have moved when I had the chance. Of all of us he deserves his privacy the most…isn't it the only thing he truly has left?

Violet sighs deeply. "No. Not at all actually. After seeing just a glimpse of what you all have to live with… what I ran away and left you with, you all have the right to hate me…I kinda hate me."

"I don't hate you," he says quietly.

There's a long pause and then a slight movement as I assume Violet moves closer.

"Remus, you have to know that I am so sorry, no measure of words can come close to explaining."

"Sorry for leaving, returning or for the fact that you're going to leave again?" he asks coldly.

"All of the above…and I'm sorry for letting you down. I had to leave ok? Not just because I was too weak to stay but because…"

"Because what? You couldn't stand living with a monster? Because you blame me for our child's death? Because you're better than me?"

He's not even yelling at me and I still flinch.

"No!" Violet cries. "No! Remus listen to me, you are not a monster and I don't blame you. It's not because I think I'm better than, it is because _you_ deserve a better life."

"Is this a joke?" he asks quietly.

"No, nothing about you is a joke to me. Remus, you deserve a girl that's going to be strong enough to support you, to confide in. A girl who can offer you every part of herself openly and courageously. A girl who isn't afraid to die for love, if she's loving you. I can't be that girl for you Remus and it will always be my biggest regret."

"Are you leaving?" he manages to croak.

"Yes," she says softly.

"Will I see you again?"

"Not in this life, but just know that even though I'm not with you, that I can't be with you… I will love you wit every breath I take."

"I don't want to be alone." He whispers and he's so vulnerable I just want to wrap him in my arms.

Violet does it for me.

Look around you. You're never alone and these people love you more than I could ever be capable of."

There's a light sound of a kiss and then her foot steps.

"And Remus? Don't be afraid to let yourself be happy ok? The right girl will come alone one day and instead of running away, I want you to hold on with both hands. You deserve it."

Her footsteps move further away and Remus exhales loudly.

"You can come out now Lily, she's gone."

I cringe. Totally busted.


	86. Chapter 86

Hey munchkins :)  
big thanks as usual;

IAskedHerToGrowOldWithMe. Bellalil, owugirl10 , k2l3m4, Pretty-little-mudblood , I-will-marry-Sirius-Black , LexxiLex , jg13145 , goldensnitch, Loona22 , Life Gives You Lemons , lynnnnyl, anon, LoneElfFight , mysticrox123 , Sarahrules336 , RavenclawLupin11 , The DA is dressed to the nines .

Love you guys so much, ever my inspiration and motivation.Lots of love!xxxxxx

* * *

JAMES

To say that getting Sirius to return home was a success was not entirely true.

Although I had hoped that our little intervention with Carla would have helped him on his road to recovery… I could not have been more wrong.

It had been a month now and nothing had changed. He wasn't running away, he wasn't fighting us at every turn or getting himself into trouble but he certainly wasn't Sirius.

It's like he had anchored himself completely to Carla and her loss had him losing himself as well. No amount of effort on my part to make him feel at home or Lily's desperation to get him to open up made any difference at all.

Going through the motions. That's what he was doing and in doing so, had changed the game for us all.

We didn't have fun anymore, we barely even laughed or had any cause for celebration. If we were needed in the war effort we were efficient and did our best to thwart their plans but there was no heart in it.

Hell, sometimes I wonder if we have any heart left at all.

"James," I jump as Sirius voice cuts through the air.

"What's up?" I ask, not even looking at him because lately all I can see is my own self loathing mirrored in his eyes.

"Lily's calling for you,"

"Alright,"

"Well, screaming for you might be a better description. I can't believe you haven't heard her."

"I'll be there soon," I reply, only now realizing the screams weren't just a hallucination of my mind, but the reality of my wife I always seem to let down lately.

"You're not yourself," he comments.

I spin to face him now. "Is that right? This coming from you?"

He opens his mouth to say something then must think better of it. "Best not keep her waiting."

I smash past him and he does nothing to stop me, he doesn't even try to move out of my way just takes my brunt silently.

I hesitate at the door as Lily's screams abruptly stopped and the silence was even worse then the impressive curses she'd been hurling at me.

I make a move to walk in and find I'm frozen. How pathetic. War I can rush head first into but facing the disappointment on my wife's face and I can't even take a step.

"You going to stand out there tip toeing around everything or just face me?"

Her voice is cracked from screaming and it kills me.

Slowly I force my feet to move forward, shuffling into the room and her unrelenting gaze.

"I've got to go out," I mumble, unable to meet her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure you do,"

Silence falls on the room again and I look up finally to see Lily curled in a ball.

I rush forward. "Are you ok?"

When she faces me again her eyes are cold and she shuffles away. "I'm fine."

"Lily… I can't…"

"We're broken," she says firmly. "We're so broken I don't even know where to start in fixing us,"

My heart starts to crack. "No! No, we're not broken ok? It's Sirius…this whole thing with Sirius,"

"It is not Sirius!" she screams and I stumble back. "It's you! You're the one that's changed. God, I can't even remember the last time we've touched, we've comforted each other. You're hollow. You live behind Sirius' pain and you make out that he's the one that has torn us apart but that's not even true. He's come to check on me every day, he's making slow steps forward and you're running back so fast I almost can't reach you."

I just look at her. What am I meant to say to that? How am I meant to defend myself?

"Lily…I've been trying,"

"Bullshit. You've stopped trying because life got hard, life got painful and you didn't want to deal."

"I know I'm letting you down and I'm…"

"You're letting yourself down." She says bluntly.

"I love you," I start to segue into my apology but she curls further into herself and turns away.

"You've got to go, run from your problems by fixing others"

I open my mouth to tell her that of course I'll stay, that nothing is more important to me than her and our baby. I want to say I'm sorry but I don't because one look at Lily tells me that it won't mean anything, that it's not enough, that I've messed up beyond any words.

"I'll be back in a few hours," I say softly, my self loathing kicked up another notch.

"I won't wait up," she says hollowly.

I turn and walk away, tears threatening to fall down my face if I stay any longer.

I get a few doors down and then turn and punch the wall.

"Fuck!"

I scream, partly because my hand hurts but mainly because I feel like I'm losing everything, my mind included. Aren't I just trying to help everyone? Make the world a better place for my kid?

"You're not looking too hot,"

I glance over to see Sirius leaning against the wall watching me.

"I've got to go," I tell him flatly.

"You're going to get yourself killed in this state," he says calmly.

"No, I'm going out to save lives, to make a difference! I'm not the one trying to kill myself,"

He smirks at me. "I'm not trying."

"You're not making an effort to live either," I yell.

"And you are?"

"Excuse me?" I snap.

"When was the last time you did anything with Lily? Asked her about how she was? When was the last time you even made the time to see Alice and Frank, or Moony? Shit, I don't even think Pete knows what you look like anymore. You're so hell bent on being the hero for everyone else that you've stopped being one for your family."

"You don't get to lecture me on this," I snarl. "This is so rich coming from you. You've completely stopped living, stopped trying to do anything other than exist!"

"Yeah," he says bravely. "I have. But at least I can admit I'm failing, at least I've got no family left to disappoint. God, you're so self righteous, acting like you're the goddamn second coming when in reality you're worse than me. You have a wife, you have a kid and you're completely neglecting them because you're too guilty, too sad, too fucking pathetic to do anything else."

I punch him then, hard right in the mouth and I'm rewarded with a little bit of blood.

"You don't know anything," I hiss.

He stares at me, stares right through my soul. "I think you're afraid that you'll end up like me, so instead of living life as usual, instead of fighting for a future you've given up so that you don't have to feel the pain of loss."

I turn away and storm out.

Sirius, it seems has not just been existing but observing everything around him.

Sirius, as usual, is dead on.

And I hate him for it.

I am on fire tonight. My rage is fuelling me like an unrelenting pit of fire, it hones my senses, makes me merciless, brutal, cold.

As a curse grazes my shoulder I just grin. Missed me.

Rolling onto the ground, barely missing curses as they all aim for me I shoot at the nearest Death eater and when his body falls lifelessly to the ground the sick pleasure fills me.

They fall one by one and it's all I can focus on. I don't feel the pain as curses hit me, I don't notice the blood falling down my face, my arms. I don't notice anything except their faces, growling at me, their eyes focused on me and their voices screaming for my life.

My life that is not theirs to take.

The cut in my head reopens as I grapple with a hooded guy, punching, kicking and clawing my way to be the survival of the fittest.

He's pulled off me and thrown against the wall and then I'm pulled up and yanked away from the action.

Remus looks at me intently. "Stop this."

"Move out of the way Remus,"

He crosses his arms in front of himself. "No."

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" I snap.

"No, but you are."

"I'm getting really sick of people assuming they know what's going on with me," I snarl.

"This isn't you," he says softly.

"And who am I Remus?"

"Someone who is lost and looking in all the wrong places for the answers."

"What would you know about any of this?" I snap, pulling him out of the way of a curse.

"Nobody understands self loathing better than I do James,"

That stops me.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying give yourself a break. You cannot take everyone's problems on as your own. What happened to Carla isn't your fault, Sirius grieving is not your fault, the Prewett twins, this war. You need to stop feeling like you need to fix the world and focus on keeping your family from being broken."

"We're already broken. Lily barely speaks to me, Sirius hates me."

"You hate yourself and Sirius doesn't want to sit around and watch that and who could blame Lily? You've volunteered for every recon mission you can, you spend more time killing people than caring about her and the baby."

"I'm trying to keep them safe!" I snap.

"No, you're trying to run from the painful reality of the world, but take it from me. The faster you run away, the harder it is to get back."

I pull us further away from the fighting and slide down the wall. "What do you suggest I do?"

He looks at me calmly. "Run home."

LILY

After James leaves I grab the closes thing to me which happens to be a vase filled with dying flowers and throw I against the door frame which Sirius is now leaning on.

He just ducks in time.

"Sirius! Oh my god I am so sorry! Are you ok?"

He straightens and kicks at the glass on the ground. "You Potter's and your violence,"

I move to get out of the bed and help him but he waves me back down.

"Don't get up, it's fine."

"I really wasn't aiming at you I swear," I say, feeling guilty.

"It's ok, I know it wasn't aimed at me,"

He looks at me awkwardly. "Did you uh… want to talk about it?"

Beautiful, broken Sirius with all his pain and loss is here offering to talk and help me out when he has enough on his plate and I can't even get my own husband to look at me.

I choke on a laugh and then tears well up in my eyes.

"You don't have to talk," he says hurriedly, looking like he'd wished he'd never asked.

"No, it's not you," I say through sobs. "It's these stupid hormones, I cry at everything!"

"But…you're ok?" he asks slowly.

I start to say that I'm fine, that everything is going great and he has no reason to be concerned because I'm feeling positive about life. I basically open my mouth to lie through my teeth about everything I'm feeling but I can't do it. Not to Sirius.

Instead I put my head in my shaking hands and do my best to hide my tears from him.

Hesitantly he walks forward and pats my back stiffly as if unsure of any human contact.

"You're not going to tell me It's ok?" I ask after a few minutes.

"Why bother insulting you with an untruth?"

Instead of make me delve deeper into my depression his honesty sets me free and I feel a weight off my shoulders.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"For crushing your hopes and dreams?" he asks harshly.

"No, for not being condescending. For caring enough to be honest with me."

"I don't see that lying would help the situation, plus you're way too smart to believe a lie."

I smile. "You know I still love you right?"

He freezes at the words, at a complete loss on how to react.

Shit. Too much, too soon. How do I come back from this? Pretend I didn't say anything? Demand an answer? Try and talk about it?

"But unfortunately I am still a married woman so it will need to be a sexless love," I try for humour and wait to see if I've recovered.

He almost smiles as he turns away. "Your loss. And just so you know, just because everything isn't alright…doesn't mean you can't over come it."

I look over the window to the setting sun outside. Hope's not lost Carla, I say sending a silent prayer. Your man still has some life in him, he can still be saved. I will not give up.

I smile to myself, feeling better than I have in weeks. I'm just about to contemplate getting up for a snack when it hits me.

An unbelievable surge of pain. I curl into myself again and pray that it's going to leave as quick as it did before.

No such luck.

Unrelenting waves, hit me again and again until I feel I might pass out from the pain. I grasp my stomach tightly. Something is wrong.

I bite down on the pillow to keep from screaming as another hits me.

Where is James? I need someone here to help! I try to calm my heart rate and breathing so I don't alarm the baby.

I curl as another wave hits and tense my jaw in determination.

I have to get to a hospital. I will not lose my child. If I have to die in the process to keep them safe, then so be it.

I manage to get on my shaking legs and make it half way down the hall before I crumple over in pain again.

I'm right near Sirius' door but I can't bother him with this. Not when he's just starting to come back to us.

I grit my teeth and get to my feet again, this time making it to the kitchen before I am brought to my knees again.

Goddamnit, who knows how long it will take me to get help when I'm in this condition?

Deciding it's safer for the baby if I stay off my feet I begin to crawl, pushing past the pain, ignoring the fact that I'm sure I'm dying.

My only thought my child and their safety.

I make it to the front door when I feel two steady hands pull me to my feet.

"James?" I ask, as my vision blurs.

"Nope, last resort Sirius,"

Sirius! He's come to help me.

"I need a doctor. Baby…so much pain."

"It's going to be ok, I've got you. I've got you now, I'll take care of everything,"

"Sirius," I say, using all my strength to make sure I get the words out. "If anything happens to me, you need to make sure you take care of James ok? And make sure the doctors get my baby out safely, I don't care if it's too soon, find a way to keep my child alive? Please, I need you to promise me."

He strokes my hair back from my sweaty forehead. "Nothing is happening to you, or your kid ok? I won't allow it."

I feel an overwhelming amount of relief surge through me just as I start to black out, my last sight being Sirius face looking down at me with concern and affection.

"Mrs Potter?"

As the blurry world starts to come into focus the first thing I notice is I'm dressed in the unflattering hospital gown. The second is that a doctor's concerned face looks down at me. The third? That Sirius is still here.

"Mrs Potter, do you understand me?"

I nod and immediately my hands go to my belly. There's still movement. My head lolls back as relief and exhaustion surge through me.

"My baby is ok?" I ask frantically.

He smiles at me. "Your baby is fine. You experienced a severe case of Braxton Hicks, it's what is known as a false labour, so unfortunately you get all the pain of birth but with no baby."

"So I'm not dying?" I ask and the doctor indulges me with a smile.

"Not today Mrs Potter."

"And my baby is ok?"

"Perfectly healthy, just keeping you on your toes is my guess."

I lie back down, relief and exhaustion keeping me there.

"You just need to rest, your body has taken quite a beating. We're keeping you over night just to keep an eye on you but we have every reason to believe that you'll be home in your own bed tomorrow with a full bill of health."

"Thank you," I murmur as he takes his leave.

"I've sent word, James will be here soon,"

I look over to Sirius standing uncomfortably at the door.

I nod at him, unsure of what to even say. Of how to even begin to express my gratitude.

He walks awkwardly over and stands by my bed. "Thought I'd lost you there for a second,"

I smile weakly. "That would have been a lot kinder than the pain I was in."

He sits down and rests his head on the bed and doesn't say anything else.

For a moment I think he's gone to sleep until I notice his shoulder's shaking and the small sounds escaping his mouth.

He's actually crying.

The first real emotion I've seen from him in a month.

I place my hand on his hair and stroke it back.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he says. "I feel like I'm just running in circles."

"We all feel that way sometimes," I whisper.

"I'm so sorry," he says hoarsely. "I've been the worst brother to you, to Prongs. God, I've let everyone down."

"You haven't," I say firmly. "You've been grieving, there's no right or wrong way to do it. Sirius, don't you get by now that you and James, you're the loves of my life. You are a huge part of mine, of James' life too and when we have this baby, you will be an even bigger part of their life. The only way you could ever fail me is to walk away from us and so far, no matter how hurt you are, no matter how much easier it would be to just disappear you've still held on."

"Barely,"

"But you still did. And today, you really came through for me. I will always owe you for that."

He looks up and he's aged about five years in about two months. "I don't know how much longer I can hold on."

I grip his hand tightly. "Then just hold onto me. I will never let go."

He looks right into my eyes and grips my hand tightly, like I'm his life force.

"Never let go," he murmurs.

I nod. "All you have to do is let me hold on,"

He places his head on my stomach and immediately the kicking begins.

"See? They like you already."

He jolts up. "I felt them kicking,"

"They recognize their uncle's voice of course, they don't want you to leave either."

He tentatively places his hand on my stomach again and just as he makes contact the kicks start up.

For awhile Sirius is just transfixed by the movement until finally he looks up at me and he actually smiles.

"I won't go anywhere. I promise."


	87. Chapter 87

Hello! I know it's been forever, I'm so sorry. Just to clarify the story isn't over yet, I'll be staying true and taking it up until the end…or the beginning I should say.

Bit rushed with this chapter because I wasn't sure when I'd have internet again so fingers crossed it lives up to your standards.

Also just wanted to clarify a few things;

1. James was being an idiot, I know but this is war and it affects people differently. He gets better though J  
2. I realise Sirius and Lily's friendship wasn't as strongly implied in the Harry Potter books but I just felt that James has his heart split in two, one for lily, one for Sirius and together they make him whole so it would make sense that since they all grew up together they all had a bond.

I really appreciate all the comments and opinions though, I'm so eternally grateful even one person reads this you have no idea. Speaking of which…

As usual there are some very special people that deserve a mention; Pads-Moony, The DA is dressed to the nines, abt, SAC31, alexbvac, Ravenclawlupin11, covered in bruises, penandquill, life gives you lemons, sarahrules336, nicsherm, loneelffight, loona22, owugirl10, nizziie, lexxilex, pretty-little-mudblood, twin2, katietuuna, lily-and-marauders, je t'amour.

Thank you thank you a million times thank you. You're the best xxx

* * *

JAMES

Free.

That's how I felt as I hugged Remus tightly and then apparated home.

Free from pain, even though my leg was bleeding.

Free from fear even though my future was uncertain and free from the weight on my shoulders that was slowly pushing me into my own grave.

I opened my arms wide as I got to the front door as if to embrace the house, my life and all the wonderful people in it.

"It's not too late to change," I whispered to myself.

A little statement of hope.

With a jump in my step I entered.

"Lily? Sirius? I'm home!"

Silence greeted me.

Dancing through each room I searched for their faces, I welcomes their rage, was willing to take anything they had to throw at me because that's what you did for the ones you loved.

The smile on my face began to falter a bit as each room found no trace of them and there was a weird coldness in the house, a stale air about it that suggested I was alone.

"Hello? Are we playing hide and seek? Come on guys don't you want to come out and yell at me? I'll give you a free swing at me each!"

"James,"

I spun around quickly and instead of Sirius standing there, his patronus was in his place.

"Lily is in hospital. There was something wrong with the baby, they've got her stabilised now, your doc is taking good care of her…and…and I'm doing the best that I can to do what I know you'd be doing better. Come as soon as you get this, we're both waiting for you."

I was no longer free. Now I was falling, spiralling down with the threat of never getting back up.

With shaking hands I picked up my wand, fingers crossed that my world was not about to be shattered.

"Where is she?" I snapped.

The nurse at the front desk looked up at me perplexed. "Excuse me sir?"

"My wife, where is she?"

She pursed her lips. "I'll need a bit more information and for you to calm down."

"Lily Potter, my wife!" I practically yell. "What room is she in!"

She's about to abuse me or give me some kind of verbal slapping when a smooth voice cuts over her.

"I'm very sorry about my brother, he has absolutely no manners to speak of. Please take my sincerest apology on his behalf and my word that I'll take him away from you."

The nurse smiles brightly at Sirius, putty in his hands. "Oh that's ok, I'm sure it's been a trying time."

Sirius gives her his most winning smile. "You're far too kind. Have a nice day,"

His grip on me is iron tight as he pulls me away.

"What the hell?" I snap. "I need to find where Lily is!"

"And antagonising the nurse wasn't helping. I'll take you to her,"

The rage rushes out of me. "You will?"

He shrugs. "I called for you didn't I?"

I remember our last encounter and I'm filled with shame.

I grab his shoulder firmly enough that he stops walking away.

"Listen…about before…"

He holds his hand up. "James, I've taken far worse emotional and physical bruises than you have ever dolled out to me ok? You've got nothing to apologise for."

I place my hand on his shoulder. "Then at least let me thank you."

He actually looks surprised and it kills me. "What for?"

"For taking care of my wife when I couldn't, I… I will always owe you."

He scoffs. "We're family James, that's what family does."

He begins to pull me away and towards Lily and I smile to myself.

_He's back._

We go through a few different doors and corridors when we finally come to room 809, I hesitate at the door.

"Are you enjoying the paint work?" Sirius asks lazily.

I roll my eyes at him. "Shut up,"

I push the door open and expect hurricane Lily to hit but instead her face lights up when she sees me.

"Potter!"

I rush over when I notice all the different things attached to her.

"Are you ok? What happened? Can I do anything?"

She laughs. "Slow down there. I'm doing fine, but a bit tired. Your son is quite the diva,"

I look at her. "My son?"

She beams proudly. "I figured it was about time we started calling him something better than 'it,' now it's a 'he,'"

My chest feels like it might explode from the pride and suddenly I'm flying free again.

"A son,"

She grins wickedly. "Another little Potter running around, god help the girls of his generation,"

I climb onto the bed and curl myself around her body like a protective cocoon.

"I'm really sorry, I was such a jerk,"

She strokes my hair lovingly. "Yeah, you were but you were so good at it,"

"That doesn't make me feel better," I say dryly.

"You're forgiven," she says quietly. "But if you do that to me again you're going to wake up with a body part missing, care to guess which one?"

"Woman you are something to be feared,"

She laughs quietly. "Just hold onto that thought the next time you and Sirius think of something stupid ok,"

I'm suddenly reminded on Sirius and I spring up to find he's no longer in the room.

"What's wrong?" Lily asks.

"Sirius," I say. "He's gone again,"

Lily nods in understanding. "Probably didn't want to see the whole couple making up thing. He'll be back though,"

I don't really hear her, I'm just watching the door waiting for him to walk back through and worried that he never will.

"Whoa, you're shaking."

Lily takes my hands and places them on her heart. "He's going to come back ok? He's just gotta figure where he sits in this world again, but we're not going to lose him. I promise."

"How do you know?" I ask softly.

She places my hands on her belly. "Because there's no way he'd miss out on corrupting another Potter man,"

"I never corrupted the first, he was the one that took me down the dark path,"

I can't help it, I actually feel myself light up when I see Sirius leaning against the door frame.

Lily must notice it too.

"God, should I leave and give you guys the room?"

Sirius rolls his eyes at Lily. "Jealousy is not a good colour on you,"

Lily giggles and playfully throws a pillow at him which he catches effortlessly. "How thoughtful, I could use a good rest. Speaking of, you might wanna get your leg checked out mate, you're bleeding all over the sheets."

Lily immediately grabs my sore leg to access the damage. "You're hurt!"

"It's just a scratch," I say casually.

She lifts my pant leg up and then punches me in the chest, winding me. "You've got a big gaping cut you idiot! You're in a hospital, why didn't you think the get it checked out?"

"I was a little more concerned about you," I wheeze.

"Well go take your boyfriend and get yourself cleaned up, I've got a reputation of having a foxy husband and you're ruining it,"

Sirius actually chuckles and then helps me up. "Come on then lover, let's go get you fixed up."

"Can you bring me back a treat?" Lily calls as we head out the door.

"Like a sexy treat?" Sirius calls.

Lily groans. "Pregnant woman here Sirius, not the time for sexual innuendo's,"

"I'd listen to her man," I say mock gravely. "She threatened to cut a part of me off before,"

Sirius smirks. "You'd better hide when she's in labour then."

Just the thought makes me shudder.

Time.

It jumps so fast sometimes that you lose yourself in one moment only to realize another fifty have passed.

As I watch Lily laughing at Remus as he attempts to pull Sirius away from the birthing video it feels like a million years have passed since that night at the hospital when everything began to turn around.

In truth it has only been a couple months but the changes in that short amount of time are so staggering that it could have panned out over an entire lifetime.

Sirius, who was once so lost and distant from us is now coming back to life, his laughter rings through the hall, his smile resonates brightly and he has fewer days where we cannot move him from his bed. It's true then, what they say about new life helping the pain of lost life.

With only two weeks to go before the due date Lily has not been more impatient, emotional or easy to love for me.

"Are you going to just stay in your own world forever or come join ours?"

I shake myself and smile at her warmly.

"You're always present in any world I'm in love,"

She and Sirius roll their eyes simultaneously.

"Are you two going to just laze around or help get everything ready for lunch?" I ask as I walk over.

Lily clicks the movie off and puts her hands on her hips. "I am the size of a whale James, my feet are swollen and my bladder is the punching bag for our son, what would you have me do?"

"I was talking to Remus and Sirius," I say, with my hands up in surrender

"Well, good," she says and then waddles back inside.

"Hey man, since mama bear has retreated I wanted to show you something,"

"Please tell me it's not your trouser snake," I groan.

Sirius slaps me hard across the back of the head. "Get your head in the game Potter,"

I raise my hands in surrender a second time. "Alright, alright I'm sorry. What is it?"

I follow him out the back to the far corner of the yard to where a large pile of dirt sits by a bed of lilies.

"Did you bury a bone you want me to find?" I ask.

He looks like he wants to punch me again but he refrains and moves over to the mound, grabbing the head of a strangely blue lily which turns out to be solid.

With a yank the whole bed lifts up to reveal a trap door of some sort.

"Come on then," he says gruffly then slides down.

I follow him down the slide and land on my feet in a room that he must have built himself.

There's a bed with Quidditch posters around it, a desk, a bean bag with books scattered around an assortment of toys of every variety and pictures. Everywhere pictures of me, Lily, Sirius, Remus..of all of us placed all around the room, smiling down with love.

"Sirius, did you do this?"

He shrugs. "I wanted him to have his own space where he could be by himself but never feel alone,"

Tears.

I'm in serious danger of crying right now.

It is the most touching thoughtful gift anyone could have ever given.

It's just so Sirius.

"Thank you mate it's…just thank you."

He looks awkward and uncomfortable but manages a smile.

"It's nothing,"

"It's everything," I say pulling him in for a bear hug. "I love you mate,"

He freezes then slowly his arms embrace me back. "You too."

I give myself a few more moments then release Sirius.

"Come on, we don't want to incur the wrath of my wife,"

Sirius shudders. "Screw Voldernort, that woman is the scariest living creature,"

I smile proudly. "Yeah, she is."

LILY

My whole body is aching as I watch Remus ice the muffins I've made.

I feel like my body is alien to me, that I'm no longer in control of it and I hate it. I rub my stomach and am rewarded with a kick. The only thing that makes it worth it is the son I already love so much inside.

I just wish he'd hurry his arse up and come meet us because I was unsure how many days of needing James to help me off the toilet I could handle.

"Is this ok?" Remus asks as he holds up an immaculately iced chocolate muffin.

"Perfect as usual,"

He gives me one of his rare unguarded smiles. "I have a confession,"

"Confess to me my child," I say in a deep voice.

He grins. "Nothing too sinful sorry, I just… I've been looking forward to today for the past two weeks. Everything being together again, an event that doesn't have the taint of death on it."

I nod in understanding. "It's definitely well over due, speaking of where the hell are Frank and Alice? They're late."

"Maybe she asked Frank how she looked and he said very pregnant again and she managed to kill him this time,"

I laugh. "One would hope Frank is a faster learner than that,"

"Is James?"

"Well he's still alive,"

Remus chuckles. "For now."

There's a loud cluttering and Remus and I exchange a look before running into the lounge room where Frank is kneeling trying to gather the pieces of the vase he's broken.

"Frank?" I ask in concern as I rush over.

"Oh Lily, stay away I don't want you to hurt yourself !" he says loudly using his magic to gently push me back. "I'm terribly sorry about this, was it expensive? I'll replace it of course, I just got flustered and wasn't watching where I was going and…"

Remu approaches him carefully. "Mate, it's ok, put the pieces down you're going to cut yourself. What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Where's Alice?" I ask, trying to keep the panic out of my voice.

Frank looks up and there's tears in his eyes. "It's why I came here, her water broke. Mum's taken her to the hospital, she wouldn't let me go with them until I told you in person how sorry we are that we can't make lunch and to stress that she's fine…you know how Alice hates being rude."

I squeal in delight. "Oh Frank! This is marvelous! I'm so happy for you both. Tell Alice not to be silly and that there's no need to apologise."

Frank looks a little dazed as he rings his hands in his lap.

I nod to Remus who brings Frank away from the broken vase and back into the kitchen with us.

"Are you sure everything's ok?" I ask, rubbing his back.

"I'm just… I guess I'm just having a moment," he admits "It all happened so fast and now I'm going to be a dad and I'm not sure I'm ever ready or if I'll even be any good and it's just a bit much at the moment."

I grab his shoulder's firmly. "Frank, it's all going to come naturally ok? You're both going to be great parents but right now the thing you need to be worrying about most is Alice and how you can take care of her ok? She's going to need you for this."

He nods, hands still shaking. "Yes, yes of course."

"Here," Remus puts to muffins on a plate for him. "Take these and give Alice our love ok? Let her know we're here if she needs anything."

Frank seems to snap out of his daze as he grabs the plate with firm, steady hands.

"Yes, yes I'll let her know. I must really be getting back,"

"You're going to be great," I assure him with a little squeeze.

He manages a smile back. "I'm going to be a dad,"

"Yes you are, now go be a husband first."

He gives us a smile. "I'll keep you posted,"

"Tell her I'll be there as soon as she sends word," I say raising my hand to wave.

Frank grips the plate of muffins tightly in one hand and his wand in the other then with a small nod and nervous smile; he's gone.

"Fuck!"

I jump at the shout and rush back to the other room where Sirius is comically jumping on one foot while holding the other which is bleeding.

"Ooh! Are you ok?" I ask as I move forward.

"Who the hell just leaves broken glass around?" he demands.

"Sorry! Frank was just here and he was a bit flustered because Alice is going into labour and we sorta forgot to clean the mess up."

Sirius stops jumping and just stares at me. "Alice is about to have the baby?"

I beam. "She is."

Sirius smiles. "That's fantastic! Prongs! Get in here!"

James comes rushing in with a surprise visitor behind him.

"Pete!" I squeal and rush over to give him a big hug.

"Am I too late for lunch?" he asks weakly

I ruffle his hair playfully. "You're never too late silly! Come I to the kitchen everyone, there's big news."

"So, the baby rush begins," James muses as we all sit around the kitchen table.

"So jealous," I moan.

"That you're not the one in excruciating pain?" Sirius quips.

"That I'm not the one getting to hold my child in a few hours," I retort.

James rubs my back lovingly. "It's going to happen when it happens love,"

"Well I wish it would happen already because I'm a bit sick of being a huge blimp,"

"You're a beautiful huge blimp if it helps," Sirius supplies.

I glare at him. "It doesn't."

James rubs my shoulders trying to relieve some tension before turning to Peter.

"So, long time no see mate, what's been happening?"

Pete fidgets around. "Nothing too much,"

"Didn't see you at the funerals," Remus notes lightly.

Pete looks down as shame colours his cheeks. "Didn't feel right going,"

Sirius pats him on the shoulder. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"I am sorry," Pete whispers.

"No, don't be silly," I say. "You're here now, that's what matters,"

"Are you planning on staying awhile?" James asks.

Peter shakes his head. "No, I don't want to intrude. It's just been so long and I wanted to see how you all were, find out what was going on."

James lets out an exasperated sigh. "Same old same old my man, fighting against evil as hard as we are fighting to keep our conscience clean."

"It's an impossible balance," Peter says.

I eye him carefully and note he's lost weight and his skin is an unhealthy yellow.

"Peter, what's going on?" I ask. "Are you ill?"

He shrugs. "Just tired."

"You don't look well,"

"War will do that to you," he says.

"And what war have you been fighting?" James asks mildly.

We all stare at him in shock.

"What? I'm just curious. I haven't seen him when I've been out fighting for mine and my families future, I don't see him at the funerals for those that died fighting for the cause. I'm just curious as the what he really gets up to."

Sirius puts his hand on James shoulder. "Prongs, this is Pete, it's moony. He would never do anything to harm us ok? You're just feeling a little on edge."

James nods but he doesn't lose the harsh look in his eyes when he looks at Peter.

"Look, I think we should just be focusing on how wonderful it is to be welcoming a new life into the world," I say. "Our best friends are about to become parents and honestly? That's something I wasn't sure I was ever going to see."

Sirius nods at me and raises his glass. "To frank and Alice,"

I nudge James foot under the table and after a moment he raises his glass and everyone else follows suit.

"To Frank and Alice,"

I sip down my cider and after a few hours of idle chatting with the boys I start to feel fatigued.

"Bed time," a voice whispers in my ear.

I jump and smack James for startling me. "I'm fine"

"You're dead on your feet, come on, I'll run you a bubble bath and then I'll rub your feet for twenty minutes."

My swollen feet started to ache more ferociously as if to remind me how badly they needed attention.

"Alright," I conceded. "I guess that sounds nice, but you'll tell me if there's any change on Alice right?"

"As soon as I hear anything, you'll know," he promises.

I yawn and allow him to help me to my feet. "I'm really sorry guys, I know it's so early and we don't get time to catch up anymore but I need rest for two people now,"

Remus waved my words aside. "Don't be silly, we care more about your health then conversation,"

I smile gratefully then turn to Peter. "It's so good seeing you, please don't be a stranger,"

He doesn't even look at me as he mumbles. "I'll try not to."

Sirius gives me a wink as James lifts me up into his arms and carries me to the ensuite, where I would normally protest at his man handling I'm too exhausted to even struggle in his arms.

"What about the bath?" I ask as he lays me on the bed.

"The bath can wait, just sleep my love,"

I let his words wash over me in waves of warmth and for perhaps the first time ever, do exactly as he says.

When I wake James isn't beside me, instead I find a note.

_Lil,_

_I'm just out with the boys, won't be too long. I left pancakes on the bench for you._

_Alice is still in labour, looks like she's in for a long ride._

_Please stay out of trouble,_

_I love you,_

_James._

I press the note to my chest in an embrace and then shower and dress as fast as my swollen body will allow.

I eat my breakfast obediently but after attempting to read for half an hour it becomes immediately apparent that I just can't sit around waiting for news.

I'm not sure if I'm welcome at the hospital just yet and I have no idea how long James will be so I decide I'll go to the local markets and pick up some fresh flowers and fruit to make Alice a basket.

Since I'm now too pregnant for apparating I leave my wand at home and stroll out of the house and head to the bus stop, delighting in how normal I feel for once.

Two bus rides and forty minutes later I'm beginning to wonder just how the hell I ever survived without any magic.

"Can I help you ma'am?"

I jump and turn my attention to the store clerk who is looking up at me expectantly.

"Oh no, sorry I'm just looking," I say before hurrying away to the fruit isle.

I've just decided on strawberries over black berries when two cool hands take my arm and pull me around.

"Hello there,"

I drop my basket to the floor as I look up into the very black eyes of Regulus Black.

"Did I startle you?" he asks.

My heart thumps loudly. "No."

"Are you lying?" he asks with a smirk.

"What are you doing here?" I hiss. "Won't your mother pour acid on you now to burn off the filth of mud bloods?"

He tenses slightly. "She knows where I am."

"And she's ok with it?"

"Thrilled actually, you see the Dark Lord isn't too pleased with my…progress so he sent me out here today to pick a muggle to be my first."

"Are you still a virgin?" I tease, hoping I can use his anger to my advantage to escape.

He grabs my arm so hard I have to use all my strength not to yelp.

"My first kill," he hisses. "And look who I should run into at the very first place I walked into, do you think it's fate?"

My heart rate races and my whole body begins to shake. I'm a lamb sent to slaughter. I have no wand, no back up and no chance against this child.

As I'm about to launch into a full blown panic attack I notice that he's also trembling and his hand keeps twitching nervously.

"You don't have to kill me," I say softly.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes," I say a little firmer. "You don't want to, I can tell. You're not a murderer Regulus,"

He pushes me away from him and I fall to the ground…right on my belly.

"You don't know anything about me!" he yells.

There's no movement inside me, no more kicking, no more shifts and I think I may pass out from the anxiety I'm feeling.

Not like this, please don't let it be like this.

"Someone help me!" I scream.

No one even turns my way.

"Stupid girl, we're being cloaked right now, they don't even know we're here… no one can save you."

I crawl to my knees. "Regulus please, I'll do anything, anything at all. For my son, please, don't kill me."

"I'm not going to kill you," he says softly.

Hope blossoms in my chest. "You're not?"

"No, I'm going to deliver you to the dark lord and then I'll finally bring some honour to my family."

Hot, wet tears begin to stream down my face. "Regulus, please!"

He looks down at me and his eyes are terrified as he raises his wand. "I'm sorry…"

Before I have any time to consider how to block his spell, Regulus is yanked back his head hitting the ground hard.

Through the stream of tears a blurry figure in black appears in front of me and I'm sure it's the Grimm Reaper, that I'm already dead.

I am trying to blink my vision back into focus when I feel a wetness between my legs and then the miracle of movement happens before a wave of agonizing pain wrenches through me.

Oh no, my baby, my son… he's coming now.

My heart races to the point where I'm afraid it may explode. It's too early, this can't be happening now.

"You know you're going to get me killed if I keep saving your life,"

Now I know I'm either dead of hallucinating because the person in front of me in black is Severus Snape.

"Your people are the reason I keep needing saving," I grunt as I curl into a ball to try and minimize the contraction.

"I know," I hear him say sadly before I'm swept away in a wave of pain.


	88. Chapter 88

Hello! I know, i know it's been awhile but this is a pretty exciting chapter :) bit rushed too but you cant win them all.

As always i owe everything to the following people; The DA is dressed to the nines, Remuslupin11, GrowOldWithMe, Arianna Lovegood, Of All The Choices, Jacylona, Pretty-little-mudblood, owugirl10, Wolfking57, OAKMASTER, Nicsherm, ukie-girl, Aurordreamer, Sarahrules336, Life Gives You Lemons, lynnnnyl, RandomTasha, Loona22, jg13145, anonymous, IHaveAWandIJustCan'tShowYou.

My love and appreciation for you is infinite. Truly. You will never understand how much you all mean.

Lots of love xxxxx

* * *

JAMES

"So this is what normal feels like?" Sirius asks as he sits next to me, our legs dangling off the jetty.

"I guess so," I reply. "I've never really experienced normal before so it's all new to me."

"And normal to you meant picking fishing?" Remus asked from my other side.

I shrug. "Well, it's meant to be relaxing and I figured if we caught anything we could have a barbecue, bring back our catch to our women as an offering."

"Does Lily even like fish?" Sirius asked.

"I've never really asked," I say after a moment and I'm rewarded with light chuckles.

"Well, how about that? Seven years and there's still some surprises," Remus notes.

I smile brightly. "Mate, it could be seventy years and I'm sure she's still going to be surprising me."

Remus opens his mouth to reply but is cut off by Sirius's gasp of delight.

"What is it?" I ask turning to Sirius who has his face contorted into concentration.

"I think I've got something," he says tightly, pulling back on the tight line and trying to get a firm grasp.

I smile and nudge him slightly. "Looks like you do,"

"Don't knock me!" he says. "You're going to make me lose it,"

I bite back a laugh when I see how seriously he's taking it.

"You're not going to lose it," Remus tells him quietly. "You've got it under control,"

Sirius shakes his head. "I don't know how to control anything,"

Remus gets up and moves to Sirius' other side, the two of us pressed against him; his silent pillars of strength and support.

"I think it's getting away," he says in a panicked voice.

"No, you're doing great," Remus says firmly.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he says quietly.

"You're Sirius Black," I stage whisper. "I'm pretty sure you always know what you're doing, whether it's subconscious or not."

He pauses for a moment and then a slight smirk starts to slowly form.

"I _am_ Sirius Black," he says through gritted teeth. "I'm fucking amazing,"

I laugh. "That's the spirit!"

It's arduous, Sirius struggle with the fish, the tug of war takes a long time but Sirius is patient; he's controlled and he's very calm as he lets the fish tire itself out.

Finally, the struggle begins to ease, the line gets slacker and within moments the fish is being pulled from the water and thrust closer to Sirius.

When he gets the line in and the fish is flailing in his hands he actually jumps a little.

"I did it!" He exclaims in surprise. "I actually did it!"

The change in him is staggering. He has come leaps and bounds from the sunken man he was. He looks up at me like a proud child, displaying his master piece.

"Never doubted you for a second," I tell him strongly and in all my years of friendship this has always been the one thing I can count on; the one truth.

He allows Remus to pull the fish off the line and put this fish in the bucket and then grins at us broadly.

"Better step your game up boys, because I'm feeling pretty lucky and I'm not above letting the women know how you failed them miserably."

I raise my eyebrows. "Is that so?"

"Yep, embrace the failure Prongs, I can't say if it gets easier with time… I don't fail."

I nudge him playfully. "Game on brother,"

Sirius smiles and even Remus indulges in a small grin.

Normal. This is as close to normal as we'll get but I'll take it anyway I can.

*

Six fish later and a few bruised ego's we were just heading home when the owl arrived.

_Boys, _

_Alice did it. We have a son. Neville Longbottom. He is just like his mother; absolutely perfect._

_Please come meet my boy when you get a chance._

_Frank._

Sirius hoots in delight. "This has been the best day!"

Remus was practically glowing as he put an arm around Sirius and me and we all cheered together.

"Well, let's go get the smell of fish of us and meet our new member of the family," Sirius said his smile resplendent.

"I've gotta go and get my wife too," I say. "She'll cut me if she misses out on this moment,"

"Well, can't keep a pregnant woman waiting," Sirius said.

With that we went home, a skip in all of our steps.

"I'll get the fish all sorted then I'll shower, how long do you think it will take Lily to get moving?"

I shrugged at Sirius. "Can't be sure mate, just be prepared to run out in your towel if she decides to leave immediately."

Sirius winks at me. "The world should be so lucky."

I smile to myself as I move towards our bedroom, hoping Lily hasn't been awake too long and impatiently waiting.

Our bedroom is curiously empty and she's not in the bathroom either.

I'm tossing up between panicking that something's happened and going directly to the hospital where I'm hoping Lily will be waiting when I hear a rustle behind me and spin around to find Severus Snape hovering awkwardly.

I react instantly, rushing towards him and slamming him hard against the wall, my elbow pressed into his adam's apple.

"What have you done?" I snarl. "She better be ok Snape or I swear to god I will keep you alive purely to inflict as much pain as I can before your life ebbs away violently."

He's choking and trying to speak but I'm too fuelled with rage and fear to adjust my grip.

As he starts to go red in the face I use all my self control to ease up a little bit.

"You…pompous…idiot," he snaps and then knees me hard in the gut, and launches on top of me so I'm pinned to the ground.

"I could kill you right now," he sneers. "I should kill you right now,"

I spit directly in his face and as he's momentarily distracted move fast and flip him over so this time I'm on top of him with my and pointed at his throat.

He glares at me and then rolls his eyes. "She deserves better than you, you know. Better than this life you're giving her,"

"What have you done with her!" I yell and punch him in the face.

He takes my rage, my cruelty, my punches with such indifference I'm fearful he may not be entirely human.

"Are you going to beat me to death or for once in your life put your stupidity on hold so you can let me tell you what I came here to say?" he asks through a mouthful of blood.

I back up after a moment's hesitation, moving completely off him but with my wand still raised and his in my hand.

"Spit it out," I say coolly.

"Lily is in labour, she needs you now."

"What?" I say, not comprehending.

"Your wife, she is in labour, I got her to St Mungo's as soon as I could, I figured you should know."

My hand moves down of its own accord and falls limp by my side. "Thank you."

His eyes burn. "I didn't do it for you!"

"I don't care who you did it for, the fact is you got her there safely so I owe you my gratitude. I still loathe you with everything in my being… but I'm grateful."

He gets to his feet clumsily and moves slowly towards the window, stopping to hold his hand out.

I look down at his wand in my hand and almost consider not giving it back.

"If I wanted you dead Potter, you would be," he drawls.

"What do you want?" I demand.

He looks away and whispers. "Her,"

"Excuse me?"

"I have to go unless of course you want my friends to ask where I've been,"

"They don't know you're here?" I ask cynically.

"We'd both be dead if they did,"

I look down at his wand one last time.

"Don't make me regret this," I say gravely before throwing his wand at him.

He catches it in one hand and glares at me.

As he's turning to leave I can't help myself.

"Why are you doing this?"

"It won't happen again," he says hollowly. "So you better work on protecting Lily better because I won't be there to do it anymore."

He slides out the window and disappears.

"Anymore? What do you mean anymore?" I yell.

Only silence greets me.

"Prongs?"

I whip around to see Remus watching me from the door way.

"I heard yelling, are you ok?"

How do I even begin to explain the mind warp that just happened to me? Is it even possible Severus Snape risked his life to help Lily's?

I shake my head, it was definitely something to get back to on another day; for now I had more important things to focus on.

"We've gotta go," I say briskly, rushing into the closet where Lily had her hospital bag all packed.

"I know we do, Alice is waiting."

"No, Lily is waiting," I say impatiently. "I've gotta go."

"Lily?" Remus asks in confusion.

I take her hospital bag and a couple of my own clothes and grab Remus's arm, effectively towing him out of them room.

"She's in labour; I've gotta be there."

"Now?" he asks incredibly.

"Yes, now!"

He grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop. "James you need to calm down ok? You're no good to Lily in this condition. Take a deep breath and then you go, Sirius and I will follow behind."

My heart is racing but he's absolutely right. I need to be calm and focused. I need to be the rock for Lily to hold onto.

Sensing I'm settling down Remus lets go of me and instead pulls me in for a hug.

"Go," he says.

"I'm going to be a father," I whisper back.

He squeezes my shoulder. "The very best."

LILY

Black.

I'm floating in a sea of black and residing in an agonising world.

"Make it stop," I moan.

"You're nearly there,"

"Severus?" I whisper in disbelief. "Am I dreaming?"

I stop floating.

"You dream of me?"

The pain comes crashes back and I writhe in his arms.

"James!"

He flinches visibly. "He's not here."

"Please," I moan. "Get James."

He tries to say something but the pain comes back and I scream over his response.

"James!" it's the only word I can form through the pain; it is the only solace I can give myself knowing that hopefully he will be here soon.

"I'll get him,"

It sounds like it kills him to say it.

"You will?" I grunt, nearly delirious.

His silence is as good of a yes as I'll ever get.

What feels like eons later; I'm taken into a building and then placed on a bed as nurses fuss over me, plugging me into various things and checking on all my vitals.

I glance over to see Severus backing away.

"Are you leaving?" I murmur.

"This is not my world. I don't belong here."

"Why not?" I ask.

He looks at me with such sadness my heart breaks a little. "Goodbye Lily,"

He's gone an instant later and I'm left alone with my thoughts, my pain and all my regrets.

"Mrs Potter, how are you feeling?"

I turn to the doctor surveying me. "Like I have an Alien about to burst through my pelvis!"

He hides a smile. "I can understand you're going through some discomfort."

"Discomfort?" I snap. "Have you ever given birth before?"

"Not lately," he replies and I decide that he's not a complete idiot after all.

"On a scale of one to ten how bad would you say the pain is?"

"Twenty,"

He actually chuckles at me. "Good to see you're not a hypochondriac Mrs Potter, would you like to try that again?"

I take a deep breath and work hard to calibrate my breathing and heart rate to an even pace.

"Maybe a seven."

"Ok, well you're only at four centimetres dilated so you've still got awhile to go."

I push my head back into the pillow. "Seriously?"

He comes and pats me awkwardly on the shoulder. "Your body was built for this and you're young and healthy you're going to be just great."

I roll my eyes at him as he leaves.

Please, please, please let James hurry.

I'm about to find a knife and cut this kid out myself when James comes skidding into the room.

"Babe!"

"Oh thank god," I sigh as tears begin to stream down my face.

"Hey, are you ok?" He asks as he kisses me on the forehead

"It hurts so much," I say in a faltering voice.

"I know it does," he cooes. "But you are doing so great Lil, and you look so hot,"

I slap him half heartedly. "Don't lie to me."

He shuffles me over a bit so he's lying on the bed with me. "I would never."

"How did you get here?"

"A little snake told me," he says evasively.

So it's true. Severus did save me, did bring me here and did warn James.

I sigh deeply. What the hell was I supposed to do with that?

"Hey, where'd you go?" James asks as he strokes my face.

"Some other hell dimension," I sigh. "Less painful than here though,"

He strokes my belly. "Less rewarding too."

Another contraction hits me and I spasm wildly. "Are you sure about that?"

James rubs my back in slow circles as I try to remember how to breathe.

"It's ok, you're doing beautiful, just breathe through it all,"

I lash out and throw my bed pan at him as he quickly rolls away to avoid being smacked.

"What the?" he says from the floor.

"You're being supportive and I need you to just hurt like I'm hurting," I grunt.

"Babe, I'm just trying to help you,"

Agony, utter agony.

I lash out and throw my pillow at him next.

"This is all your fault!"

"Wow, is anyone else transported back to Hogwarts?"

I glance up to Sirius who is looking at me with adoration and humour.

"Don't make me throw the bed at you," I warn.

He smirks and looks so much like his old self I stop focusing on the pain for a moment.

"While you're still on it? Hell Lil, if anyone could pull that off it would be you,"

I smile a little as he helps James to his feet.

"Am I going to have to put you two in separate corners?"

I shake my head and just fall into the bed panting.

"I'm so tired," I say.

James raises on hand in a peace gesture and moves slowly forward.

"Try and get some sleep love, we'll watch over you."

"Yeah, you rest up and get ready to bring another Potter into the world,"

"Oh god," I groan. "Do I even want to?"

James pecks me lightly on the lips. "I'm going to assume that's the pain talking and not you."

"Better go check how Alice is doing too," Sirius says.

"Alice?" I ask in alarm. "Is everything ok?"

James gently pushes me back down and strokes my hair. "She's doing just fine, her and little Neville."

"Neville," I say with a smile as I let sleep claim me.

Twenty two hours later and I'm truly ready to cut my stomach open and pull my child out myself.

I am unprepared. Totally and utterly unprepared for how exhausting and hard labour is.

Every muscle in my body aches and I'm so exhausted I can't even lift my head up by myself.

"Lily, you need to push," the doctor tells me firmly.

"I can't," I sob, shaking my head slightly.

James is holding my left leg and rubbing my calf. "You can do anything," he says fervently. "You are the strongest, bravest, most beautiful person in this whole world and up until today I wasn't sure 'can't' was in your vocabulary."

I start to openly cry now, my tears mixed with the sweat. "I don't have it in me James. I don't know why I thought I could ever do this."

He leans down and holds my chin in his hand firmly. "Stop that. You can do this and you will do this. We're nearly there so just move past the pain and PUSH!"

I scream out loudly as I use the very last once of strength and push with all my might.

"Yes Lily, yes," The doctor says. "We've got the head out, the hardest part is done. Just the body to go now. One last push and it's all over, one last push and you'll have your beautiful baby."

I lean back into the pillows and think of all the lives lost in this war. All the pointless death. I think of my best friend; Carla who should be here today to tell me to shut up and get the shit done. I think of all the sacrifice so that I could bring a new life into this world.

This knowledge ignites a fire in my stomach and strengthens my resolve. Pushing myself up on to my elbows I bite down hard and strain with everything I've got until I feel a great weight leave my body and a strange sense of emptiness.

I look up to see James staring at me with tears running down his face.

"You wonderful woman," he says kissing my forehead again and again. "You are the most amazing thing in this world. You are a goddess,"

I smile at him, complete exhaustion over whelming me and then alarm sets in.

"My baby, where's my baby?"

The doctors are fussing around and I'm starting to really get worried that something is wrong when the most beautiful sound hits my ears; my babies cry.

I start to cry immediately as they place my baby; my boy on my chest and he flails around crying.

"Isn't he perfect?" I whisper to James who is crying so hard he has to continually wipe his eyes.

"Congratulations," the doctor says beaming. "You have a healthy baby boy,"

His small little hand wraps around my finger and he starts to settle down, his little eye lids getting heavier.

"Hello precious," I whisper to him. "Hello my beautiful angel,"

"He looks just like you," I say to James through my tears.

"God help the next generation of girls then," he says softly.

I chuckle softly and gently kiss his forehead.

"Welcome to the world little Harry Potter,"

James eyes snap to me. "Harry?"

I smile shyly. "You know, after your dad? He was after all, the coolest guy in the Universe right?"

James sobs and nods. "Yeah, yeah he was."

"Well, I figured it's a pretty good start for him; having the name of such a legend."

"And being the son of the most incredible woman? How could he not live the most sensational life?"

I look down at my son and I have never in my life felt such joy or love. In fact until now I wasn't sure it was even possible to be capable of so much love.

"You are so loved little Harry," I whisper as the nurse comes to clean him up a little bit.

"You will always be so loved."


	89. Chapter 89

Hey all,

I know its been so long, i'm sorry I guess i know the end is near and I'm procrastinating and having difficulty getting there. Anyway, this chapter is just a bit of a filler, no plot movement or anything so my apologies if it's boring. Hopefully more action to come soon.

As always I have some special people; ClaireBear1982, Submarine Child, Mara Jade , littlepinkrose, Fred weasley 3, Pretty-little-mudblood, meanderer, Loona22, Akt5us, de tournesol amour, Harrypotter213, The Nerdy Brunette, FanofSlytherins7711, gatorgirl94, Sarahrules336, The DA is dressed to the nines, LoneElfFight, GrowOldWithMe, IHaveAWandIJustCan'tShowYou, Nicsherm, jg13145.

And to everyone else that takes time from their busy lives to invest in my little story. Wow. Just thank you. Honestly sometimes i am just so overwhelmed by all your support. It means the world to me, as do all of you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! xxxx

JAMES

Whole. It was the strangest sensation.

After all these years, after all the battles fought, wars won and lost. After searching for a lifetime I had finally discovered what it truly and honestly felt like to be whole.

I looked down at the rows of babies all sleeping soundly and my heart was full to the point of bursting.

I have a son.

A beautiful, healthy son.

I press my hand against the glass, yearning for the physical contact.

"Which ones yours?"

I turn to Frank who is looking equally exhausted and whole.

I point to the baby directly in front of me who is just now starting to stir.

"Little Harry Potter," I say proudly.

Frank grins. "That's Neville to the right of him."

I clap him on the shoulder.

"Our boys, side by side; that's how it should be."

"That's how it will be," he says firmly.

"Born a day a part," I muse. "What are the odds?"

"I don't even care about odds even more," Frank says and there are tears in his eyes. "We've beaten any that were against us."

He puts his palm flat against the glass; in front of his son. "We created life," he whispers.

"Instead of taking life, we created it. How many people in this day and age can even dream of that?"

I press closer to the glass so my nose is touching. "Only the lucky ones mate."

Frank wipes his eyes and just stares lovingly at Neville. "How's Lily doing?"

For a moment my clarity and peace weakens.

"I think she's ok, they sent me out before because there were some complications. I nearly decked a nurse before I was forcibly coerced out of the room."

Frank stares at me in shock and I raise my hands defensively.

"It was a male nurse."

"She's alright though?"

I massage my temples. "I will accept no other out come. I'm just waiting for them to confirm it for me but until then I'm distracting myself here. How's Alice?"

"Sleeping comfortably," he says a little guiltily.

I turn and pull him in for a hug, not wanting anything to dampen his mood. "That is fantastic mate, just utterly fantastic,"

Harry starts to cry cutting off Frank's response and I immediately head for the door.

Frank grabs my arm. "We're not allowed in there, visiting hours are over."

I pull away with a wicked grin. "Since when have we abided by any rules we didn't like?"

Frank sighs in defeat but follows me through the door.

"We're meant to be setting an example for our children," he whispers.

"I am," I whisper back as I lean down and gently pick up my son; an impossibly fragile being. "I'm showing my boy that he will never be alone; when he feels pain or discomfort I will be there to attempt to take it away."

I ease Harry into the crook of my arm and rock him back and forth.

"Hey there little guy, what's all this fuss about?"

Frank looks torn for a moment and then leans down and starts to stroke a sleeping Neville's hand who latches onto his finger.

"Amazing isn't it?" he asks. "How much love you can be capable of feeling in a single moment."

Harry starts to settle down and curls into the crook of my arm so I have a light, warm weight pressed against me.

"It sure is."

"What are you doing in here?" a stern voice barks.

Frank looks guilty immediately and stumbles away from the babies, nearly tripping over his own feet.

"Seeing our sons," I say calmly.

"You are not allowed to be in here, visiting hours are from eight until five."

Harry and a few other babies begin to whimper at the sound of her harsh tone.

"Look what you've done," I say to her quietly. "You've gone and woken the whole troop up; you shouldn't be in here causing a ruckus you know. There are rules against this sort of thing,"

I grin to myself, well aware of how cheeky I'm being.

The nurse starts to turn a few shades of purple before storming out.

"You're going to get us kicked out," Frank says, but he's smiling.

"Live a little Frank! If there's ever been a time for joy, it's now."

_Code blue; room 305; emergency team report immediately._

"Mate, did you hear me?" Frank asks, moving closer cautiously.

"Room three oh five," I whispered.

"James?"

"Lily!" I shriek, running blindly towards her room; Harry still in my arms.

I push past patients and doctors alike as I sprint back to Lily's room, my heart pounding my nerves shot.

As I reach her room I have to skid to a stop as that same stupid male nurse blocks my way in.

He's big but not so big that I don't see a bunch of doctors crowded around Lily with wands and machines surrounding her.

She looks so small.

"Sir, you can't be here."

I look at him incredulously. "Are you kidding me? That's my wife!"

Harry makes a little noise in my arms which I take as agreement.

The nurse looks down in horror.

"You need to get that baby back to the ward!"

He reaches forward to take Harry from me and I pull away and snarl.

"No, I need to be with my family. What _you_ need to do is get out of my way, before I force you out of my way."

His jaw tightens. "I will not be threatened by some school boy,"

I smile humourlessly. "That's not a threat mate, that's a promise."

"What's going on here?"

As another man approaches us the nurse looks visibly relieved.

"Oh doctor! Good. This young man here has taken a baby from the new born ward and is trying to force his way in here."

I snort. "Listen doc, that's my wife in there and my kid in my arms. If you think for one second I'm going to leave either of them then you clearly have no idea who I am."

He raised his eyebrows and shuffled forward so I'm backed away from the door and led down the hall; the room still in my sight.

"I'm aware of you Mr Potter and also very grateful for your efforts in this war but your wife has lost three pints of blood and needs to have a blood transfusion and some rest before anyone can see her so that we can get her out of the critical ward and back into your arms."

A mess of emotions run through me; anger that I'm being forced away from her when she needs me, gratitude that this doctor isn't treating me like a child and is just doing his best to help; exhausted from a life of war and love and heart ache and fear. Cold, mind numbing fear that just when I've been blessed with a family it will be taken away.

"Mr Potter?"

"When can I see her?" I manage to croak.

He glances back towards the room. "Perhaps in a couple hours."

I clutch Harry to my chest. "Are you going to take my son away?"

He looks at me tenderly. "No one is taking anything away from you today son,"

I hang my head in relief and my whole body sags from sheer exhaustion as the adrenaline starts to fade.

"When can we see her?"

"I will send someone for you the moment she's in the clear."

"What am I meant to do until then?" I ask, my voice breaking.

He touches my shoulder gently and without meaning too, I flinch away.

"Enjoy your son, cherish this life you've just brought into this world. And sleep, believe me when I say from now on you will never be able to get enough."

I nod numbly and hold Harry closer.

"Thank you."

He nods at me and then walks away leaving me sagging against the wall, a jumble of emotions.

"Prongs!"

I jump and Harry starts to cry.

"Shit! Sorry mate, didn't mean to startle you,"

Sirius takes one good look at me and then creeps closer, hands up in a placating way.

"What's happened?"

Harry keeps crying and I'm so out of my element so completely overwhelmed that I just look up at Sirius with tears in my eyes, my breath and voice caught in my throat.

He jumps into action immediately and takes Harry from me gently, bouncing him up and down gently.

"Hey now, what's all this noise? What's all this noise huh?"

Harry lets out a huge wail and Sirius cradles him in his arms so Harry is looking up at him.

"Why it's so good to see you too little fella, yes it is."

Miraculously Harry starts to quieten and just look up at Sirius in just complete awe.

Sirius grins up at me.

"You did it," I whisper and I suddenly feel ashamed that I cant even comfort my own son.

"Mate, you never had a sibling so it's ok to feel unprepared. Regulus used to throw the biggest tantrums and only I could calm him down. I think it was the only time in life my mum has ever been glad I was around."

I just hang my head.

"What's happened?" he asks gravely.

"Lily," I croak.

I glance up to see Sirius has gone completely white. "Is she…?"

"She's lost a lot of blood, they're with her right now trying to get her out of the critical zone."

He visibly relaxes and actually smiles at me.

"This isn't a joke," I say harshly. "She could die."

He looks at me sharply. "Why would you even say that?"

"Sirius, she's lost enough blood that she's lucky she's even still holding on."

"But she is," he says firmly. "She is still holding on Prongs. Don't you get it mate? Nothing is going to keep her from her two boys. She is going to be fine."

He grabs my face so I'm looking at him. "Everything is going to be fine."

And he means it. I can see it in his face he one hundred percent believes what he's saying and it's the first time in months he's said this.

"You always say that," I say weakly, just as I've said many times before.

He smiles and says on cue. "That's because it always is."

I let him pull me into his arms and then it's just the three of us boys, so closely bound we're almost one. Just the three of us breathing together and giving strength to each other.

I clap Sirius on the back as I pull away. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asks.

"Never giving up even when I feel like I might."

"You would never give up on me," he says simply and just like that I know we're back to where we were. That the fights, the uncertainty and pain means nothing when compared to the love we all have for each other.

"Come on," he says and with one arm wrapped around Harry, one wrapped around me starts to lead us away.

"Let's go get some food…and maybe a shower for you."

Three hours later the doctor comes back.

"Mr Potter, she's been stabilised and is aware. She's very forcibly insisting that she see you and her son,"

I allow myself a little smile. "Forcibly?"

"Bed pans were thrown and curse words used,"

I grin this time. "That's my girl, lead the way doc."

Not that he needs to lead me anywhere, holding Harry firmly in my arms I rush towards Lily's room and practically come to a skidding halt as we enter.

Lily looks up and smiles but it's very weak. She is very weak. Her skin is grey, her eyes dull and circled with darkness and there are about three machines plugged into her still shaking body.

I push back a sob.

"My two boys," she sighs.

I move over to her and position myself on the bed so that Harry lies between us, cradled between my arm and hers with my other free hand stroking her hair.

"You've gotta stop nearly dying on me," I say. "I'm beginning to wonder if you're just trying to find a way to leave me."

She smiles, her eyes closed from exhaustion. "I don't think that will ever happen."

My smile fades and I stroke her face.

"I don't know how I would have lived without you," I say seriously.

"You would do fine," she says. "You would have to. We've got a little life solely dependant on us now. I need you to know that I love you so, so much but that little boy? I would have gladly given up my life to save his. I will always offer my life to save his."

"I'd rather you offered mine first," I whisper.

Lily opens her eyes and looks at me with such love as she caresses my cheek.

"Never."

Harry begins to wail and instantly Lily is alert.

Pulling him into her arms, she pulls her gown down and lets him latch onto her breast; stroking his hair as he feeds.

"You look exhausted," she says to me, eyes filling with concern. "Have you slept yet?"

I shake my head. "Not yet, I can't bring myself to."

She pulls a pillow out so it's right by my head. "Go to sleep now."

I just shake my head.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I'm scared if I fall asleep I'll wake up and this will have all been a dream,"

She pulls me over to her for a kiss.

"Did that feel real?"

I nod and as I move in for another kiss she smacks me right across the face.

"Ouch, what the hell Lil?"

She grins wickedly. "See? You felt that. Go to sleep my love, we'll both be waiting for you when you wake."

"I love you so much," I mumble as my traitor eyes start to close.

"You're my world," she replies just before I drift away.

LILY

I would never tell James this, but at one point I think I may have died.

There was no dramatic walking towards the light or angels greeting me or anything I just felt all the pain, all the exhaustion fade and then it was like a greatest hits of memories that began to play before my eyes.

All the moments I wanted to remember and all the moments I wanted to be remembered for.

I was just accepting that I had, had a wonderful life and that our son would still be lucky enough to grow up incredibly loved when a sharp pain spread across my chest and then instead of fading it began to just become more and more vivid until all the memories were ripped away from me and instead I was looking up to unknown faces looking down at me with concern.

At first I had been angry that they had brought the pain back when their job was to ease it, furious really that I had been dragged back into this world of bright red blood and exhaustion that was felt to your very bones. That I was lying in a bed with a broken body and pain, too much vivid, real pain.

But then I was handed my little boy, and his little hands reached for me and suddenly I not only wanted the pain, I welcomed it. I wanted to suck all the pain I possibly could into myself so that I could spare my little miracle from feeling any.

He lay sleeping next to me now, one little hand curled around my finger. So new, beautiful and innocent. I knew I should be sleeping, that I needed all the rest I could manage but I could not take my eyes off him. He was his daddy's boy, already I could tell from the messy cap of black hair on his head that I was going to have two Potters stealing my heart from now on.

"Lil?"

I turn to James who is awake and watching me.

"Hey," I say softly. "How are you feeling?"

He gets up from the little chair and sits on the edge of the bed. "You should be sleeping,"

I turn back to Harry and tears begin to fill my eyes.

"Lily? Are you ok? What hurts?" James asks as he his hands gently probe my body.

"We did it," I whisper.

"Did what?" he asks, still inspecting me.

I gesture to Harry. "He's so perfect and we did it."

"You certainly make cute babies,"

We both turn to Sirius lazing against the door frame with Remus, Alice and Frank behind him.

I smile broadly and gesture them inside.

Alice comes through first, lead by Frank who guides her onto the bed with me where she lays her little man next to Harry, both sleeping soundly.

"Oh Al," I sigh. "He is just so precious,"

She strokes his head first and then Harry's.

"Neville and Harry, destined for great things."

I rest my head against hers. "I never knew I could ever be this happy,"

Alice smiles at me, tears in her eyes. "I didn't think we'd ever get to experience this and now that we are, I just don't know how we could ever have lived without him."

Harry lets go of my finger and stretches a bit before his arm comes out and clasps onto Neville's.

My heart almost bursts from all the love in the room.

"When do they think you can leave?" Remus asks as he comes over and kisses both me and Alice on the cheek.

"I'm all packed and ready to go," Alice says in relief.

I groan. "Not until tomorrow and that's only if they decide the transfusion has taken properly."

"Well, you've been through a lot, it's probably best to follow their instructions,"

I fidget nervously. "I just hate hospitals, I hate the sterile smell, I hate the air of death it has and how claustrophobic I feel here. I just want to be home with my two favourite men and just relaxing my own way."

Sirius barks out a laugh.

"And just what is so funny?" I demand.

"No offence Lily, but you haven't exactly worked out how to relax and now that you have a baby you've probably lost the chance."

I scowl at him. "We're going to be fine, you'll see. I'm going to be in complete control."

He pats James shoulder. "Don't be afraid to give me a buzz when you need a hand ok?"

"We won't need a hand," I say stubbornly before turning my attention back to the two little prince's beside me.

Sirius was right.

God it kills me to say it but Sirius was so right.

It's been three hours of constant crying and I can't get Harry to settle down.

Tears stream down my own face as with shaking hands I try my best to soothe him.

I am such a failure. Harry has been home for a week and after hours of arguing with James about it I finally got my way and James was out patrolling with the Order.

And now here I was, just as hysterical as Harry with no idea how to make it stop.

"Just tell me what you want," I sobbed as I tried for the fifth time to feed him. "Please just tell me what you need so I can give it to you."

Harry just continued to shriek as loud as he can and I continued sobbing as deeply as I could.

What kind of a mother can't even console their own child? I was an idiot to think that I knew what I was doing. James would never let me have him alone again and I couldn't honestly blame him.

"Lily?"

I froze. Oh no, James came home early because he must have known I was an incompetent parent.

Shame heats my face as the tears continue to fall from both me and Harry.

James comes bounding into the room and looks between the two of us for a moment before relief crosses his face.

"Oh thank god, you're ok."

"Ok?" I ask softly then start to get louder. "Does this look it's ok to you?"

He takes a closer look and sees how upset I really am and comes up and wraps an arm around both of us.

"You're both safe is what I meant,"

His kindness is what breaks me and I break into uncontrollable sobs. "You…must…think…I'm…an…idiot!"

"Lily no, of course I don't!"

"I'm…the worst…mum…ever!" I scream which only sets Harry off further.

James looks to me, to Harry working out what problem to address first.

Finally he takes Harry from me and begins to rock him quite hard.

"What are you doing?" I screech trying to pull Harry back, but James holds me off and continues his weird little dance with Harry around the room.

I'm considering what kind I've monster I married when Harry begins to settle and curls closer to James, his eyes drooping until after a few minutes he's asleep.

"How did you…?" I whisper in disbelief.

James smiles sheepishly. "Mum said once I was the weirdest baby and instead of falling asleep when they pushed my stroller they would have to make it like a roller-coaster ride and practically nearly jolt me out of the stroller for me to fall asleep."

Instead of finding this encouraging I just feel worse, like i'm the odd one out and don't belong in this family.

"Lily?" James asks as I turn away from him.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"I can't do anything right," I cry. "I don't know what I'm doing and I just keep letting him and you down!"

James gently puts Harry back into his crib and then envelops me in his arms.

"You could never let me or Harry down ok? None of us know what we're doing but that doesn't mean you're failing ok? You are a wonderful mother. You love that little boy more than anything in this world and he could not be luckier. This was never going to be easy, but I can promise you it's going to be worth it."

I let him wipe my tears away as I look up at him. "Really?"

"Really." He says firmly.

"And you don't think he hates me?"

James chuckles. "No Potter could ever hate you love. He's just working out how to fit in himself, just give it time."

I nod and let James lead me back to bed with the hope that even though I don't know what I'm doing, I do know that there is nothing I wouldn't do to keep my son safe.


	90. Chapter 90

Hey!  
It has been forever since my last post so if you are still with me and reading this than you are some kind of special. Thank you!  
I'm so sorry for the delay, I'm hoping to write more so I can actually complete this story for you guys as we're SO close to the end/beginning.

As always this story is dedicated to everyone that takes time out of their day to read my words and especially to;

Anonymous, QueenElizabeth3andCourtJester, Submarine Child, GotToLoveSlash, harryginny9, Pretty-little-mudblood, The DA is dressed to the nines, Harrypotter213, ClaireBear1982.

Thank you so very, very much.  
You so special to me,  
Enjoy! xxx xxx xxx

* * *

JAMES

"Is this a joke?" I demanded in a whisper into the warming mirror in my hand. "Sirius, it is three in the morning, we only got Harry to sleep an hour ago. What could possibly be so important you would send an owl and activate the mirror five freaking times?"

As my eyes finally adjust to the dark of the hallway I know immediately something is wrong. Sirius is not smiling, Sirius is only portraying an emotion I have only seen on his face four times before; complete terror.

"You need to come with me to see Dumbledore immediately," he replies gravely.

"Now?" I ask in a yawn.

"It can't wait," he replies. "I'll be at yours in ten, be ready to leave."

He cuts the connection so quickly I'm staring at my own reflection for several moments before I register he's no longer there.

Goddamn it, I knew I shouldn't have allowed myself to embrace my happiness so completely, I was bound to jinx myself. Three months of relative quiet on the war front and I had been suckered into believing it was ending instead of just the calm before the storm.

Jumping into my track pants and shrugging on a cotton sweater I hastily scrawl a note for Lily, leaving it on my pillow and then press my lips gently to her forehead. She looks so utterly exhausted I'm almost tempted to bring Harry with me so she can sleep peacefully for once but I know if she wakes up and we're both gone I'll be castrated when I get home.

I move silently into Harry's room where he's sleeping with his tiny thumb in his mouth, his black hair so much like my own, standing up in all directions.

"Be safe little Harry," I whisper as I press a kiss to his cheek and then ease out of his room before I wake him.

By the time I make it down to the kitchen Sirius is already waiting for me at the kitchen bench.

"Is everything ok?" I ask quietly, taking in his wide eyes and messy hair.

"Dumbledore will explain," he replies. "Go grab your cloak, we've gotta sneak into the school,"

Sneak in?

"Sirius, what's going on?" I demand louder than I meant to.

He pressed his finger to his lips to silence me. "Shh! Grab your cloak and then we gotta go. I don't know if I'm being watched and we can't be followed."

"Followed? Sirius, you're freaking me out."

"Get your fucking cloak so we can get out of here and we can keep your family safe," he tells me slowly and clinically.

It's so unlike him, the tone of his voice so foreign that it shocks me into action. I rush for my cloak, throw it around us both and then because I feel so jittery I allow Sirius to apparate us both to Hogsmeade.

A million things are swirling through my head as we silently transfigure and move through our old secret tunnel in the shrieking shack towards the school.

It seems a thousand years ago that we came here every month to support Remus, it feels like a thousand years ago that I was still just a kid at school.

"I'm sorry mate," Sirius says quietly when we're both under the cloak again and heading towards Dumbledore's office.

"Do you know what's going on?" I reply stiffly.

He shakes his head slightly. "All I know is that I need to take you to Dumbledore and make sure we're not followed. He said your whole families lives are at stake and we cannot waste a moment."

I curse softly. "This is exactly the kind of life I didn't want for my son."

"We'll fix it," he promises.

"How? You don't even know what it is," I say and my voice sounds defeated even to me.

"I will find a way to make your family safe," he says fervently. "Whatever it takes,"

We stop in front of the gargoyle that leads to Dumbledore's office.

"Hey man, we're here to see Dumbledore," he says greeting the Gargoyle with a fist pump to it's stone hand.

I almost smile, only Sirius would be so cavalier and superior to just expect to be let in without any password.

"Password," it grunts in reply.

Sirius sighs deeply like it's just disappointed me. "You know me man, I've been here so many times, I thought we had something."

The gargoyle doesn't reply, just remains stoically in place.

"Gum drops," Sirius barks out, a scowl spreading across his face.

The gargoyle moves out of our way to reveal the staircase. Sirius stalked into the passageway leaving me to trail behind, dread increasing in my chest with every step I took.

Sirius, true to form doesn't even knock just lets himself straight into Dumbledore's office and slumps into one of the two chairs set out before his desk. I follow behind him and offer Dumbledore an apologetic smile which weirdly enough he doesn't return; in fact he looks right through me.

"Did you give Mr Potter my message?" he asked Sirius mildly.

Sirius eyes him like he's off his head. "With all due respect sir I wouldn't have come here empty handed, Prongs is right next to me."

He turns to look over at me and then awareness floods his features.

"Oh! Take the cloak off mate, we don't need to hide anymore."

The cloak! Of course, I'd forgotten I was even wearing it. I pull it off swiftly, fold it into my arms and then take the seat next to Sirius.

Dumbledore watches me with a deep reverence that makes me feel uneasy. Had I done something?

"Fascinating," he mutters and I then notice it's not me he's staring at, but rather the cloak. "Would you mind?"

I hand the cloak over without question. "Knock yourself out."

He rubs the fabric in gentle hands and for a few moments we just watch him in silence as he explores the cloak, his eyes alight with wonder.

"How did you come by this again?" he murmured.

"My dad gave it to me," I reply. "It's a family heirloom that I one day hope to give to Harry which is sort of why I'm here…"

He snaps his attention onto me and places the cloak gently on his desk in a neat pile.

"Of course yes, sorry for my distraction James and I'm sorry to get you up so early, I realise having a baby doesn't leave much time for sleep as it is,"

I wave his apology away, eager to find out just how deep the danger was.

"It's fine, when it comes to the safety of my family I'd happily forgo sleep. What kind of life or death situation are we dealing with this time?"

Dumbledore looks so worn and old in this moment that I'm almost taken back.

"The worst I'm afraid. There's been a prophecy made the destruction of the dark lord."

I rub my eyes trying to gain more awareness and focus. "I'm not quite sure I understand what that has to do with me."

"Not you," he says sadly. "Your son."

I'm on my feet before I even register moving. "What?"

Sirius pushes me back into my seat and nods for Dumbledore to continue.

"The Prophecy speaks of a young boy born at the end of July that will destroy the dark lord once and for all, unfortunately I am not the only one to have heard the prophecy and Lord Voldemort is very aware of it and is making swift plans to destroy your son with no care for how many casualties it takes to achieve that goal. It has become his very first priority to hunt your family into extinction, no resource is being spared."

My whole body freezes and I feel that perhaps I have turned to stone. Maybe they can prop me up at the entrance with the other Gargoyle as double protection.

"Mr Potter? James? Did you hear what I said?" he asks gently.

I lay my head in my hands and remain there, unsure of how to even respond to this.

"What do we need to do to make them safe?" Sirius asks as he slides his chair over next to mine and throws a protective arm around my shoulders.

"There is a charm," Dumbledore says. "A shielding charm of sorts where there is only one person to know the location of those being hidden and unless that person physically takes someone there it is impossible for your enemies to find you."

I raise my head slightly, a glimmer of hope sparking in my chest.

"All is not lost then? We can use this charm to protect ourselves?"

Dumbledore smiles warmly. "Yes but there will be conditions and a significant amount of danger. You will no longer be allowed on any missions out, you and Lily will have to remain at your safe house with Harry until further notice and whomever is your secret keeper must be chosen with care. Those closest to you will be hunted fiercely in the search for your family so your secret keeper must be aware of all the risks and be prepared for capture and doing whatever is necessary to keep you safe. I would be more than happy to volunteer for that position to help your family remain whole."

A secret keeper that I would trust with mine and my family's life?

"Sirius," I say quietly.

"Yes mate?" he replies automatically.

"No, for the secret keeper, I want Sirius."

Sirius looks like he might cry but Dumbledore looks extremely unsure.

"Whilst I understand the strong bond you both share James, perhaps it would be best that I take the position to ensure the safety for all. Voldemort will be expecting you to choose your best friend and I am far less likely to be targeted."

I shake my head firmly. "No, there's no one I would trust more to keep my family safe than Sirius,"

I turn to him so we're eye to eye. "That is of course if you're willing?"

He takes my hand in his. "Whatever it takes."

LILY

I wake and James is not there and immediately anxiety peaks in my body. On his pillow is a small note.

_Dumbledore needed me, I'll try to be too long. Didn't want to wake you. Stay safe, I love you so much, James._

What kind of note was that? He had to know that I was going to worry as soon as I saw that Dumbledore needed him. It was never good news when you were summoned. I loved that wizard dearly but he had sort of become the unofficial bearer of bad news in these dangerous times.

I paced back and forth in the living room, a sleeping Harry in my arms. His small warm body was the only comfort I could accept in my moment of panic and I clutched him firmly.

Please let James be ok so that I could kill him myself when I get back.

I sink into the couch and try to calm my racing heart as I work to convince myself that maybe Dumbledore just wanted to catch up… in the middle of the night…in war times.

I fight back tears. Yeah, right.

I needed a distraction and fast. Maybe Alice is up with Neville? I check my watch. Four a.m.

I guess it's worth a try.

I write a hasty note asking her if she's awake and if she's able to come and see me the first chance she gets and then send Onyx off to deliver it.

I'm just starting to calm down slightly when Harry awakens with a deafening scream.

I flinch. Dear lord this tiny being had a huge set of lungs.

I check his nappy first to make sure he isn't in need of a change and when all is dry I lie him to the side and pull my shirt down, allowing him to latch on to what he needs.

The gentle pulls that normally calm me just make me more and more anxious as I watch time pass excruciatingly slow.

I'm contemplating taking Harry to Hogwarts myself as he finally settles himself into sleep when the front door opens and James walks in with both Sirius and Dumbledore.

He's lucky he hasn't come alone because hormones crossed with lack of sleep has made me nearly homicidal as my eyes lock onto his.

"Love, I know you're plotting cruel and unusual ways to murder me right now and I'm sorry if I worried you but trust me, this is really important." James tells me slowly, with his hands up slightly to appease me.

I ignore him and turn to Dumbledore, my eyes demanding answers as I gesture for them to take a seat with me.

"I'm terribly sorry for the intrusion," Dumbledore begins in his soft tenor. "But I'm afraid it was of the utmost importance that I speak with James immediately."

"Who's trying to kill us this time?" I ask dryly.

"Not us," James says and his voice is shaking. "Harry."

I clutch my beautiful boy to my chest. "What? What are you talking about?"

I'm only half listening as Dumbledore tells me about the prophecy and the danger that Harry is now in because of it.

I start to block out the words being said to me as I cradle Harry shifting back and forth as tars fill my eyes. I will not let them take my baby, I will not let _anyone_ hurt my baby. He is so young, so innocent and deserving of the most beautiful life. I will not let anyone take that away from him.

I would rather die.

"It's not going to come to that Lil," Sirius says as he places a gentle hand on my knee.

Had I said that all out loud?

"Do we need to run?" I ask quietly as I mentally list everything we'd need to sustain ourselves and our son for a long stretch of time.

"No one is going to be running," James tells me and his voice is so sure, so confident that I automatically look up into his steady hazel eyes. There is no fear there, just a burning determination.

"We're going to perform a charm tonight," Dumbledore explains slowly and clearly, like he knows I can't handle much information right now and need things to be simplified. "It is going to essentially make you invisible to anyone other than your secret keeper unless they choose otherwise. You are going to have to remain at your safe haven until we can work out another way but your family will be safe."

I immediately turn to Sirius, knowing without having to ask that he will be the one to hold this secret for us. That he will be the one that is hunted so that we can be safe and whole.

"You're sure you want to do this for us?"

He pats me knee again. "I would be offended if you asked anyone else."

"They're going to try and hunt you Sirius," I say my voice quivering. "They will kill you if they can."

"You're all I have left to live for," he says simply. "And they're not going to find me, even if they do I will never break, I will never betray you."

I ease Harry into James' arms gently and then turn and throw my arms around Sirius.

He circles his strong arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head and squeezes me. I don't need to tell him how much this means to me, I don't need to say that I love him and I can never repay him and he doesn't need to say that he would die for us and we are the only family left he cares about.

"Are we doing this now?" I ask once I release Sirius and move back to James.

Dumbledore nods. "The sooner the better."

"What do you need us to do?" James asks, circling his arm around me.

"You will need to gather your essentials as we need to move you tonight, Sirius can bring you anything else you don't bring tonight or may need in the future. First though, I will need a drop of blood from you each."

"Harry's too?" I ask with a bit of dread.

I will just die if I have to spend another two hours settling down Harry while my head pounds with his screams.

Dumbledore smiles in understanding. "Both of your blood is in him, so I don't see any reason to trouble the young man."

I almost sink to the floor in relief, fatigue pushing hard against my body.

I offer my hand to Dumbledore and the only plus side to being so bone tired is that I don't even feel it when he pricks my finger. He swiftly takes James blood next and then waits patiently, Harry in his arms as James, Sirius and I pack up as much as we can carry as quickly as we can manage.

An hour later the sun is beginning its ascent into the sky and we are all standing in a huddle in a small town with lines of beautiful cottages.

"Sirius will show you to your house," Dumbledore tells us as he looks around cautiously. "I will give him some time to help you get settled and then when he returns I will help him cast the charm."

I move over and reaching up onto my tip toes and press a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you for taking care of my family."

He smiles at me warmly and shakes James hand. "Take care of yourselves."

We're just about to follow after Sirius when Dumbledore calls us back.

"Your cloak," he says, holding it out to James. "I forgot to return it earlier."

James pulls me closer and gently pushes the cloak back towards Dumbledore.

"Hold onto it," he says. "You can spend some time examining it like I could tell you wanted to in your office."

Dumbledore looks delighted as he tucks the cloak into his robes. "Thank you, I must admit I would like to study it further but rest assured I will give it back to you in enough time so that you can pass it on to your son."

James beams brightly and with a final waves turns us around so we can follow behind Sirius as he leads us into the town which at this time in the morning looks completely deserted.

We pass a few houses before finally following Sirius into a beautiful two story cottage. It's modern inside and has all muggle inventions.

"Is this a wizarding community?" I ask Sirius as I trace my hand over the tv in the living room.

"Dumbeldore said it's a place where wizards and muggles live together and very remote," he replies with a grunt as he starts up the stairs with our suit cases.

The kitchen is small but modern looking with a fridge and microwave already plugged in and ready to use, there's only one living area with a couch and television. Up the stairs is the bathroom and two bedrooms, there's a king size bed in the bedroom with the ensuite and a cot with a broom mobile above it in the other.

As far as cages go; it's the most comfortable beautiful one I've ever been in.


	91. Chapter 91

Hey lovelies!

Ahh it's getting soo close! This is definitely a more filler chapter but there's a lot of heart break and action heading your way soon.  
As always I need to thank some people;

TotallyAwesome7, Pretty-little-mudblood, The DA is dressed to the nines, Harrypotter213, ClaireBear1982, Fab girl.

You are the best. Thank you so much. Especially Pretty-little-mudblood & The DA is dressed to the nines for sticking with my crazy for so long and being so totally loyal in reviewing, love you so much.

For everyone else that reads and follow as well, you're all so special to me too.

All the support means the world.

I hope you enjoy xx

* * *

JAMES

The sun was shining brightly, warming my skin as I sat outside with a coffee and last weeks paper.

I flicked through the latest news passively, taking in the three page obituary page and the head lines of more death eater attacks and the efforts being raised against them.

Throwing the paper away from me I sighed deeply.

I had never been more bored or restless in my life.

It had been two months. Two whole months of living in this impossibly quiet area with only Bathilda as their neighbour and the only visitor Sirius who tried to come at least once a week to update them on everything.

I couldn't even remember the last time I saw Remus and I had missed two of his changes whilst on lockdown.

Dumbledore insisted that only Sirius know our location to keep us and all our friends safer but to be honest, I could use a little excitement at the moment. Send old Snivellous my way so I could vent some frustration out on somebody before I went crazy.

Lily's cooing and Harry's laughing echoed through our bathroom and out to me and shame coloured my face.

I shouldn't complain, apart from the solitude, I was living the dream out here with my little family and if I was out fighting evil all the time I would be missing the big moments with my boy.

Pride burst through my chest as I remembered his first smile, laugh and the moments where I _swore_ he was looking right through me and seeing everything I felt, hearing all my thoughts and beamed in understanding. He was the smartest little kid I had ever met in my entire life, I was constantly astounded that I had anything to do with how perfect he had turned out, and just how much he looked like me.

"Anything new?"

I jumped so hard I knocked the table over as Lily's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

She raised and eyebrow and her lips quirked as she watched me. "Bit jumpy?"

As if to accentuate her point Harry began to bounce in her arms and laugh at me, proving that although he had my looks he was his mother's son through and through.

Righting myself I moved over and kissed Lily softly on the mouth before rubbing Harry's chubby cheeks.

"You think you're funny huh?" I asked, tickling his belly. "Has mummy been teaching you how to torture me?"

Harry just smiled brightly, reaching his arms out for me to take him.

"No way," Lil replied, handing Harry over. "Our little man is a natural all on his own."

"Lord help me," I mocked whispered, cradling Harry close to my heart.

"He's been trying to walk this morning," Lily said with an adoring smile.

"Walk?" I burst out. "At six months? I'm just getting used to him crawling everywhere!"

Harry looks up at me with Lily's beautiful green eyes and gives me a knowing smile.

"Stop growing up," I tell him pretending to be stern. "You're gonna give your old man a heart attack if you keep smashing through these milestones!"

Lily offered her finger for Harry's hand to clasp and then pull to his mouth to slobber on.

"He'll be on a broom in no time."

That's my boy. Just the thought of being able to teach him how to fly and to play Quidditch had my previous restlessness disappearing and being replaced with an anxious delight.

"We'll never be able to catch him then,"

Lily smiled at me but there was something missing in the curve of her lips and her eyes had a worrying edge to them.

"What's wrong?" I asked, pressing my lips to her forehead, hoping to iron out the worried furrow.

"Do you regret getting involved with me?" she asked quietly.

What? Where the hell was this coming from?

"What are you talking about?" I asked as a flutter began in my chest.

"I know you're miserable here," she began sadly. "That you miss your friends and hate being cooped up everyday and I know that you wouldn't be in this position if we'd never met."

I wanted to punch myself in the face. I had been so caught up in my childish feelings I had neglected Lily and hers and now she thought that what we had together wasn't good enough for me.

I was the world's biggest ponce.

Shifting Harry so I had an arm free I took her chin in my palm and forced her to look at me.

"I regret nothing," I said firmly. "Not one single moment. I would trade the world and everyone in it if it meant I could keep our little family."

There was a moment of silence except Harry's quiet gargles and the gentle wind blowing the trees around us. Finally Lily smiled at me tightly.

"Exaggerating again?" she asked.

Not even a little.

I kissed her tenderly. "Let's just hope for the world's sake, the opportunity never arises."

"Jesus Prongs, right in front of Harry and everything?"

When Lily would have pulled away, I trapped her head with my palm at the back of her head and deepened our kiss for a few more moments before releasing her and turning to Sirius.

"Nothing wrong with showing my boy what true love looks like and how beautiful his mum is," I told him.

Sirius rolled his eyes and then barrelled over, scooped Harry out of my arms and propping him on his shoulders on arm holding a leg down firm, the other on his opposite arm.

I could feel the anxiety rushing off Lily in waves as she watched, her body tensed and ready to poise.

"Oh settle down," Sirius told her with another eye roll. "I would never do anything to hurt my god child, would I mate?"

Harry giggled and then began to babble on in his own language animatedly.

"Exactly," Sirius agreed, like he had understood every word. "She definitely does worry too much."

Lily took a deep breath and made an effort to relax her body. "I know you wouldn't do anything on purpose Sirius, but I'm letting you know that even if you accidentally scratch Harry or aren't watching him closely enough and he falls and hurts himself, I _will_ hold you responsible and I _will_ end you."

Sirius grinned broadly, clearly thrilled. "Challenge accepted."

Before they could launch into their regular banter I stepped between them.

"So, what's the news?"

The gleeful grin left Sirius's face and with a nod inside he turned on his heel, leaving me and Lily to follow him into the lounge room where he sat Harry on his knee and bounced him up and down.

"Alice and Frank have moved in with his mum for extra protection with Neville, Moony and Wormtail are working together against the death eaters and doing their best to save as many lives as they can but…"

"But it's not working," I finished flatly.

Sirius looked down sadly. "The attacks are getting more and more frequent, more brutal each day and it appears the search for you has really intensified, Dumbledore isn't even sure he wants any of us out and about because we're being targeted," he scoffed loudly. "Yeah right, like I'm going to just hide away and let people die around me."

"But Sirius," Lily began gently. "It sounds like everyone is meant to be in hiding, why are you being so calm about this?"

"I'm not going to stop living my life because some idiotic Death Eaters think that they can break me. I would never betray you guys _ ever_ and I'm not afraid of dying so really, what are they going to do?"

Lily moved over and sat next to Sirius, placing her hand on his knee gently.

"I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you because of us though, maybe you should start staying here with us too and let Dumbledore be secret keeper?"

Sirius barked out a laugh and then gave Lily one of his most charming smiles. "Oh you are too much Lil."

Lily's face hardened. "I am being serious."

"So am I," he said with a wink.

Lily opened her mouth to snap a reply but Sirius once again beat her to it.

"Listen, you've known me nearly ten years right?"

"Yes," she replied tersely.

"And in that time, have I ever needed help getting people to want to smack my head in?" he prodded.

A smile tugged at Lily's lips. "No."

"Exactly! I won't be getting hurt because of you, if I get hurt – which is unlikely, it will be because Bellatrix can't accept I got all the looks in the family and she got no redeeming qualities."

I chuckled lightly. "Ah Padfoot, I love when you come over, there's never a dull moment."

Sirius looked between me and Lily and I just knew he was reading everything between my words and picking up on the anxious vibe Lily was throwing out and my barely concealed restlessness.

"Well, if that's the reaction I get just from showing up I'm nervous about you containing yourself when I give the next lot of news."

"No one's died right?" I asked, my heart beating fast.

Sirius grunted in annoyance. "No, but you might be if you don't let me finish."

I gestured for him to continue and sat back in my chair, trying to get comfortable.

"Well," Sirius started. "I couldn't help but notice you've both been a little off the past couple weeks cooped up here so I thought I'd organise something fun that would get you out of the house."

Lily nearly jumped into Sirius's lap she was so excited. "What did you have in mind?"

Sirius smiled warmly at her. "I'm throwing you guys a Baby Bash at Hogwarts, I've already got Dumbledore to sign off and put some protective measures in place so the danger will be almost non existent and Frank, Alice, Pete and Remus already agreed to come as well,"

Lily started to cry and I felt myself tearing up as well. Aside from Lily and Harry, Sirius was the third best thing in my life and always so consistently loyal and amazing. I would take the boredom for the rest of my life if it meant I got to keep these people in my life.

LILY

My heart was alight with so much joy and gratification as I gently moved Harry off Sirius' lap and handed him to James so that I could throw myself on Sirius, tears streaming down my face.

"Oh Sirius, that's so perfect, thank you so much!"

Sirius ruffled my hair, his cheeks flushed slightly. "No worries, it's purely selfish though; I want an official party to show everyone who's the boss of Potter 2.0,"

James raised an eyebrow. "Potter 2.0?"

"Well the kid has some of Lily in him too Prongs, so I can only assume he's going to top you in pretty much everything," Sirius replied.

A chuckled in delight, a million things now racing through my head.

"So, what do you need me to do?" I asked.

Sirius gave me the most over the top seductive look as he gestured to my body.

"Dress nice and turn up,"

I rolled my eyes at him but I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.

This was perfect, it was exactly what we all needed. I was starting to worry that the suffocating peace of living in isolation was going to drive a wedge between me and James and I was going to end up as a single parent when he inevitably snuck out to join the fight and got himself killed. Not that I could really blame him either, if it weren't for Harry I would have been out of here weeks ago.

"So, when is this taking place?" James asked curiously.

Sirius looked sheepish. "Well, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about."

I sighed deeply. Here we go.

"Spit it out Sirius," I said impatiently.

"It's tonight," he quickly.

My eyes may have popped out of my head they popped so wide.

"Tonight?" I asked.

"Well that was Dumbledore's condition, we have to act fast so there's no chance or interference from the dark side,"

I opened my mouth to tell him he couldn't just spring this on us with a few hours notice when it struck me that it was actually a pretty smart idea and if all I had to do was show up then Sirius must have organised everything already so there was really no point in stressing out or arguing with him.

"Ok," I said simply instead. "What time do we need to be there?"

Both Sirius and James eyes widened in surprise which was enough to almost make me lose my temper. Almost.

"What?" I asked tersely.

James held his hand up in surrender. "Nothing love, just happy that you're so into the idea."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I am very capable of having fun," I said defensively.

James wrapped and arm around me and pulled me close despite my attempts to push him away.

"Oh we know, you are the most fun of us all," he said soothingly.

I glared at him viciously. "Then you can cut the look of surprise,"

He tweaked my nose playfully. "You're just the cutest,"

This of course infuriated me more but I was a mother now so instead of punching him in the nose to wipe the smirk off his face I elbowed him hard in the chest and moved closer to Sirius, my eyebrows raised waiting for my answer.

"We're due to meet at Dumbledore's office at 5:00," Sirius replied, smirking at James who was still rubbing his chest where I had elbowed him. "So you better get a move on, you know what Prongs is like, we'll be lucky if five hours is enough for him to put his face on."

I giggled a little and ruffled Sirius's hair before scooping Harry up so I could get him fed.

"I'll see you tonight then," I gave him my own seductive look. "Wear something cute,"

I sashayed out of the room with Sirius's rumbling laughter following after me.

I felt like a spy or some sort of under cover person because when Sirius came to get us promptly at 4:50pm, he had thrown the invisibility cloak over us, told us we were not to make a sound and even glared at me when Harry started to whine a little bit like it was my fault my son didn't like having a cloak thrown over him like he was a piece of furniture being stored away.

We then apparated to Hogsmeade and then were led very briskly into one of the secret tunnels James and Siriud had always used until we came out of the other side into a dark room I had never seen before.

It wasn't until we had safely made it into Dumbledore's office that Sirius would take the cloak off us and permit us to speak, and by this point I had a very cranky boy on my hands.

"Ah young Harry, how is the guest of honour?"

I smiled up at Dumbledore as I bounced Harry on my hip and tried to coo reassuring words into his ear while his bottom lip trembled and tears pooled down his cheeks.

"Professor," James said holding his hand out to shake. "How's it going?"

Professor Dumbledore shook James hand with a warm smile on his face. "Oh quite well actually, certainly much better than our guest of honour,"

I smiled, a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry, he's normally not one for crying, I think it was all the secrecy and stress of getting in that's scared him a bit."

Dumbledore smiled kindly. "Understandable, may I?"

I handed Harry over hesitantly, praying that he did not vomit, drool, or poop on the most prestigious wizard I had ever met in my life.

Harry let out a ear drum shattering scream as he left my arms and my heart sank as I pictured the night we were going to have ahead of us now, if anyone would even let us stay with the tantrums that were ahead but weirdly as soon as Dumbledore held Harry up and looked him right in the eyes Harry settled and just stared back, his hands settling on Dumbledore's face in an oddly tender gesture.

"Extraordinary," Dumbledore murmured. "He has your exact eyes, and there's so much intelligence in them already."

It was a massive praise to have from Dumbledore and my chest filled with pride.

"He's the greatest," I agreed as James and Sirius grunted their approval.

"I'm incredibly sorry for the inconvenience," Dumbledore told Harry earnestly. "But we have a great night planned for you if you would indulge us?"

Harry let out a gurgle and began babbling away to Dumbledore who could have not have looked more thrilled.

"Well, shall we begin then?" Dumbledore asked as I took Harry from him again.

"Uh…where are we doing this?" James asked. "In here?"

Dumbledore let out a delighted laugh. "Oh no dear boy, not in here! I have just the place organised and I believe everyone is already waiting for you there. I'll drop you off but then I'm afraid I'm due in the dining hall so I will have to leave you."

I gave James a puzzled look who just shrugged his shoulders in return, just as clueless as I was.

Before I could ponder anything further we were following Dumbledore down the hallways, back under the damn cloak again under Sirius's instructions, despite the fact that everyone should have been at evening meal at this point.

Through the different hallways we went until finally we reached a door that was so well hidden I would have missed it entirely if I was just walking past.

"Where are we?" I whispered to James.

His face was alight with joy. "Somewhere awesome," he replied. "Just wait."

The room was dark at first glance as we shuffled in and then once the door was shut behind us the room lit up brightly around us with candles, lanterns and cute gold and blue decorations everywhere.

The room was so huge I had no idea how I hadn't realised it had been here in all my years of schooling and how James had.

I tugged on his sleeve to ask how long he'd known about this place when my eyes caught on the beaming faces watching me.

"Alice!" I shrieked in delight as I pushed forward and collided with her, almost squashing Neville and Harry in the process.

"I've missed you so much!" she cried out, wiping away tears. "It feels like forever!"

"I know!" I agreed, feeling my own eyes prickling with unshed tears of joy. "I'm so happy you came, and look how big Neville is!"

I beamed down at Neville who looked reserved, nervous and very like Frank in that moment who was always a bit hesitant around new people.

My heart throbbed with pain with the realisation that he had no idea who I was and that after tonight it was probably going to be many more months before I saw him again.

"He's just shy," Frank explained as he joined Alice, giving me a warm smile. "It just takes him a little bit."

Harry was shifting in my arms, trying to reach for Neville, his little face filled with determination.

"I think he wants to meet his cousin," Remus mused, his tired face moving into view.

"Remus!"

I leant forward to give him a kiss on the cheek and then Peter who was next to him, feeling so overwhelmed by all this people after a couple months of just seeing James and Harry.

"You look great Lily," Remus told me with a warm smile. "And Harry is getting so big,"

I looked around the room for a cushion or something to put Harry on so he could be closer to Neville but safer and at first look there was nothing until I glanced to the side again to find a little play pen had appeared.

I gestured for Alice to bring Neville too as I placed Harry in the bright red pen that was filled with soft toys and pillows.

As soon as Neville was on the ground Harry was crawling over to him and chatting away in his little baby talk as he hit Neville's leg with his little fists in excitement.

"Kids got a lot of personality," Sirius said with pride.

"He's my boy alright," James replied with just as much pride.

"Come and grab some food," Alice said leading me over to a long table with a massive assortment of dishes. "If you're anything like me, finding time to eat or even go to the loo is near impossible!"

As I allowed James to fill my plate for me I rubbed Alice's back fondly. "It's the greatest though right?"

Alice nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yes, it's hard to imagine life without Neville now."

I sobered a little. "I'm sorry I haven't been around Al,"

Alice waved my concerns away. "Don't be silly! You've got enough on your plate at the moment, I understand."

"I wish we could have come to Neville's christening," I continued as James ushered us over to the gold couches that were around the play pen.

"Oh you didn't miss much," Frank insisted. "Neville freaked out about all the people and the water, my mum yelled at him to be still and make his family proud which only make him cry more until he cried so furiously he passed out."

I covered my mouth with my hand. "Oh no!"

Frank nodded. "Oh yes, it was quite a production."

Alice patted Frank's back encouragingly and offered a bright smile.

Slowly as the night progressed, a few more of our friends and members of the order stopped by to meet Harry and catch up with us before heading back to their patrols again. It warmed my heart to see that in the months we'd been away there's been no fatalities on our side and that apart from a few tired eyes and bruises here and there, everyone was more or less in one piece.

It was also amazing to see just how well Harry and Neville got along, even though Neville was unsure at first, eventually they were both babbling away and giggling away as they amused themselves with their toys and then curled up next to each other and fell asleep.

I was lying pressed against James as he, Sirius and Remus recounted their biggest adventures from school as Frank, Alice and Peter were locked in their own conversation that I turned my head to hear better.

"So, you're all settled at your safe house?" Peter was asking in his nervous tone.

"Yep, safe and sound," Frank said cheerfully, clapping Peter on the back.

Safe house? Didn't Peter know that they were at Frank's mum's place? Was everyone being hidden away in secret even from fellow order members now?

"It's great to see James and Lily," Peter continued.

"Oh yes," Alice said fervently. "It's always a great time getting together."

"So you don't see them often then?" Peter prodded.

Frank laughed a little. "Are you asking us if we're the secret keepers Pete?"

"Are you?" Peter asked, his voice taking on a more urgent note.

Frank laughed casually again. "It wouldn't be a secret if we told you that, would it?"

Peter laughed along with him too, but it was forced and a little too high which made me feel a little uneasy.

Why did Peter make me feel so nervous these days? I felt close to an anxiety attack every time he got close to Harry which made me hate myself for the emotions ever crossing my body.

"Lily?" Alice said gently, her hand resting on my shoulder.

I looked up with a smile. "What's up Al?"

"We're going to head off, it's nearly ten . Thank you so much for having us,"

Ten? Holy crap, they'd been eating and talking for nearly six hours. Time had certainly gotten away from her.

"We'd better head off soon too," I replied, pulling her in for a big hug. "Thank you so much for coming,"

"Oh any time," Alice said firmly. "Seriously, anytime."

I stood up to hug Frank good bye, trying to ignore the unease I felt in my stomach.

"How are you getting home?" Peter asked Frank.

"We're flying home," Frank replied with an easy smile.

"With the baby?" Peter asked doubtfully.

"Nah," Frank said and his eyes now had a little twinkle in them. "Mum is staying with my uncle at Hogsmeade tonight and is going to take Neville for the weekend so Alice and I can have some adult time. We're dropping him off on our way out,"

"Oh a whole weekend to yourselves," I sighed enviously. "That sounds like heaven."

Frank winked at me. "You have no idea."

Giving me another hug, Frank clapped Peter on the shoulder and then moved off to say his good bye's to the boys, leaving me and Alice alone.

"Don't be a stranger," Alice told me firmly. "Even if you have to send owls to Dumbledore here and we can keep up with each other that way."

I nodded. "Yeah, I would love that."

"Harry is so beautiful," she said with pride. "You're doing so well."

I smiled at her gratefully while sadness ate at my gut. "Likewise."

I pulled her in for another big hug and felt an overwhelming panic shoot through my body, like we were saying more than just a casual good bye and I had no idea where the hell this feeling was coming from.

"Are you ok?" she asked, big eyes wide with concern.

I grabbed her wrists firmly. "You stay safe ok? No matter what, you do whatever it takes to say safe."

She nodded slowly. "I will, you too ok?"

"I love you Al," I said, feeling an urgency to let her know how I felt.

"Love you more," she said with her bright smile. "We'll talk soon."

Taking Franks hand she gave me a final wave before they disappeared out the door.


End file.
